The Tale of Years
by Namls
Summary: 35 chapters up! Faramir returns from Gondor and is set to marry Goldilocks.
1. 1429

**Author's Note**: I'm pretty new to reading fanfiction, but so far every non-comedy fanfic that I have read has either had a problem-to-solve kind of plot or a explaining-their-emotions kind of one. When I started working on this fic I didn't have one of those plots, and I still don't. I just felt like writing a series on what goes on with Merry and Pippin after they're both married, without one major problem to solve during the series. The question is, is this even interesting? Is it interesting to read a number of fics about their lives where there's no common plot or problem? Please read and review this first part and tell me what you think! Remember that I'm new to this, I've only written a few things before, and I might have some factual errors here and there which are because I haven't read that much of the appendix. Some mentionings of things that have happened in the past will be further developed later. And please don't review and tell me "Merry had no children", because even though they were left out from his family tree the appendix **does** state that he had at least one son. And btw, when degrees are mentioned it is always degrees Celcius!  
**Disclaimer**: The characters and places from LotR belong to JRR Tolkien.  
  
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"Estella, are you really sure?" Rose Gamgee said with a sigh. "It would be so much better for you if you just stayed inside!"  
  
"Yes I'm sure" Estella said with a laugh and wrapped her scarf around her. "I will just be right out here."  
  
"When I expected Elanor, I took it very easy the last few weeks" Rose said with a frown. "And your baby seems to be a lot bigger. Running about outside is not good for you."  
  
"I promise I won't be running" Estella said. "But a little fresh air won't do me any harm."  
  
"All right" Rose said, caving with a sigh. "But if I look out that window and see you trying in any way to help the lads out with their business, you're grounded until the baby arrives."  
  
Estella smiled and went outside. She had a strong feeling Rose would stand by the window the entire time, making sure she didn't put strain on herself. Estella found that completely unnecessary, she knew Merry would never let her lift a finger to help them out in her current condition anyway. But her once so careless friend Rose had become much more troubled in the past years, and she had now easy to worry.  
  
Estella walked across the grass leading up to the apple trees where Merry and Pippin were busy picking apples. Diamond was running back and forth with baskets, constantly picking up ones full of apples and returning with them emptied. Estella wished she could help out, but she knew she couldn't. Rose had remarked that she should take this opportunity to rest, because she wouldn't get much rest done once the baby was born. But Estella wasn't much for just sitting around doing nothing.  
  
"Looks like we're getting a lot of apples this year" she remarked as she approached the tree.  
  
"Indeed it looks that way" Pippin grinned from a tree branch, carelessly throwing the apples he picked down into a basket.  
  
"Peregrin!" Diamond angrily cried out as she came back with an empty basket. "Get down from there! Hobbits don't belong in threes."  
  
"Sorry" Pippin said with another grin, and tossed another apple into the basket.  
  
"And do not throw the apples like that, you ruin them!"  
  
"But darling, how else are we to reach the apples that are higher up, if one of us don't climb up here?" Pippin asked.  
  
"We let them fall to the ground when they're ready, and then feed them to the animals" Diamond said. "Like Hobbits always do."  
  
"Well if they're going to fall down anyway and be fed to the animals, what does it matter if I ruin them by tossing them into baskets?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Merry!" Diamond said, picked up another basket and left. That was the standard, when Pippin managed to twist things about so that she didn't know what to say or do, she let Merry take over.  
  
Merry smiled and shook his head at Pippin as Diamond left. He picked another apple and handed it to Estella.  
  
"They look fine, but do they taste fine?" he asked her.  
  
"Delicious" she said after taking a bite.  
  
"We'll be sure to send some with Rosie then" Merry said. "That Sam out of all Hobbits should be without an apple tree puzzles me."  
  
"Why would he need one, if he wants apples we give him apples" Pippin commented from his branch.  
  
"Here" Merry said, and handed Estella another apple. "Go give this to Rosie. A tasty hint of the apples that are to come."  
  
"You just want me back inside, don't you?" Estella remarked.  
  
"Not at all" Merry said. "In fact, I hope you come back after giving her the fruit. As much as I enjoy a nice warm hobbit hole, on a day like today there is no place like outside."  
  
Estella gave him a warm smile and started to walk back to the hole. In the corner of her eye she saw Pippin finally jumping down from his branch, only to have Merry climb up there instead. She quickly turned around.  
  
"Merry!" she yelled. She hated when he climbed trees, she constantly worried that he would fall and hurt himself.  
  
"Let me know what Rosie thinks of the apples!" he called back, ignoring her angry tone of voice.  
  
Estella sighed and went back inside. She felt in no way up for the challenge of getting him down from that tree. She handed Rosie the apple and they sat down together.  
  
"The apples are nice this year" Estella said.  
  
"Yes" Rose said. "These will make good pies."  
  
"Indeed they will" Estella said with a chuckle. "And I can bet that the lads will be expecting pie for this evening. I think those two could eat one giant pie made out of all these apples, all in one meal, by the two of them."  
  
"Yet they never seem to grow around the waist" Rose commented. "They are the only two Hobbits I know who instead have grown in height at their ages."  
  
"Merry won't explain that to me, though I am really curious over how that can be" Estella said thoughtfully, biting her apple.  
  
"With a father like Merry your child is likely to be big" Rose pointed out. "You really need to rest and save your strength, for it is going to be a hard delivery."  
  
"Like you said yourself Rose, they grew taller just a few years ago" Estella said. "Merry was no taller than any other Hobbit before. So why should the child be?"  
  
"You're bigger than I was when I expected Elanor" Rose said. "Or Frodo. Or any of them."  
  
"It will be all right" Estella said.  
  
"You really ought to relax and save strength" Rose said with a sigh.  
  
"But being outside is my relax" Estella said. "To be with them… When they're outside working and I'm in here doing nothing, I can't relax anyway wondering what they're doing and what they're saying. I want to be there, to hear the stories and jests, and to at least observe their tasks if I can't help them. And I can't ask them to do indoor things, the apples need to be picked now, and then there are the cherries and the pears and the currants…"  
  
Rose didn't reply and Estella didn't continue. They sat in silence for a while, until Estella had finished her apple. Then she slowly got up, it was not so very easy these days, and returned outside. She noticed that both Merry and Pippin were down on the ground by now, and the tree seemed empty of apples.  
  
"That was fast!" Estella remarked in surprise. "How did you manage so fast?"  
  
"We have our secrets" Merry said with a smirk. "And whether or not you noticed, you've been gone for about half an hour."  
  
"And we've got seven more trees to relieve of their apples" Pippin said. "I'm beginning to believe Sam was on the right track with not having apple trees."  
  
"You say that every year," Estella commented, "and yet I've never seen anyone so fond of apple pie." She glanced over at Merry. "Although Pippin I must say you're not the worst apple eater at Crickhollow. I should say it's a good fortune we have so many trees, or Merry would have eaten them all before winter!"  
  
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Not until dusk fell did Estella decide to go back inside. Diamond was already inside, probably helping Rosie with her youngest child. Rose had given birth to her fifth child a few months back, a lad they had named Pippin, and she had felt he was too young to be apart from his mother for a longer period of time. Nobody knew how long it would be before the first child would arrive at Crickhollow, Rose had already stayed there for five days and she knew it could be weeks before she could go back to Bag End.  
  
Estella cast a glance behind her when she heard the lads coming out from the barn. Merry and Pippin seemed to be discussing something, but her wonders why were interrupted by a sudden pain. Having not at all expected it, she sunk down to the ground, and she heard Merry drop whatever he had been holding and come running up to her. He put his hands on her shoulders and kneeled down beside her.  
  
"Estella! Are you all right?"  
  
"Wait…" she said, and waited until the surprising pain and gone away. "Yes," she then said. "Yes I'm all right."  
  
"What happened?" Pippin's voice asked from somewhere behind her.  
  
"I… I want Rosie!" Estella said.  
  
"Here, up on your feet" Merry said and tried to help her up. She resisted, without really knowing why. "Pippin help me here!" Merry said.  
  
Together the two lads got her back on her feet. They started walking back up to the house, Merry with his arms around whatever waist she now had, and Pippin a few steps behind. Estella didn't know what the pain had been for sure, but she had a suspicion. She had never been present for a child's birth, when she had lived at Bag End she had watched the other children while Rosie was in labour. She didn't know what it was supposed to feel like, it occurred to her that no one had told her and she hadn't asked anyone. She knew Rosie feared it would be a hard delivery, and she didn't want to know what that meant.  
  
"I'll go get the last basket of fruit" Pippin said and hurried over to one of the apple trees. Merry and Estella stopped to wait for him.  
  
"What happened?" Merry asked her.  
  
"I'm not sure I know" she said.  
  
"Did your legs just give way?" Merry asked.  
  
"Don't mind thinking about your herbs and your brews" Estella said. "I don't need it. I'm fine, Merry."  
  
"Are you sure? Because there's a--"  
  
"I'm **fine**" Estella said. "There is nothing wrong with my legs."  
  
They waited as Pippin picked up the last basket of apples and returned to them, but they had only just started to walk back to their hole again when Estella felt the pain once again. She was more prepared this time, but she could feel herself tense up and she knew Merry would notice it. And just as she'd thought he stopped and eyed her until the pain went away and she relaxed again.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked again.  
  
"I think…" she said but then quieted. She didn't want to say the baby was coming in case she was wrong.  
  
"Is it the baby? Is something wrong with the baby?" Merry asked, still being his calm self but this time a bit more stern.  
  
"The baby's fine" Estella said. "Although I think it might have decided to arrive. I must speak with Rosie."  
  
"Let's get you inside" Merry said and led her back inside the hole, followed by Pippin who put the basket of apples down on the table.  
  
Hearing them enter, Rosie came in, holding baby Pippin in her arms. She looked very displeased that Estella had been out so long, she had tried for the past few hours to get her back inside. She was glad that Merry at last seemed to have come to his senses and bring her back inside, and from now on she was going to keep her friend inside until the baby arrived.  
  
"Estella Brandybuck!" she said firmly. "I ought to grab you by the ear for being out so long! How many times do I have to tell you that you need your rest? And you two," she said, looking at Merry and Pippin, "you ought to have enough sense in you to bring her inside a little sooner!"  
  
"A little fresh air won't do her any harm" Merry said, still as calm as ever and gently pushed Estella down in a chair. "And she won't get a lot of fresh air in the nearest future anyway."  
  
"On that matter we agree" Rosie said. "From now on you're going to stay inside, Estella. Running around outside when your child might come any day, it is not a great idea. Stay inside, help me with Pippin and make sure you have everything ready for your child to arrive. And get some rest."  
  
Estella nodded, not knowing what else to say or do.  
  
"Let me get this…" Merry said and gently unwrapped the scarf she had wrapped around her.  
  
"Good thing you brought her in now at least" Rose said, looking worried and glancing at the scarf. "It's getting quite cold at night! She'll need more than that scarf to keep her warm!"  
  
"We won't take any credit for bringing her inside" Pippin said. "She was already on her way."  
  
Rosie looked at Estella, who was feeling the pain come back again, and quickly drew conclusions.  
  
"Oh that's what's going on…" she said. Her stern look was gone and replaced by a motherly smile. "I should have known that was the one thing to bring her back inside. Merry help me get her up. We have to find her a bed."  
  
"So it's time then?" Merry said, pulling Estella to her feet.  
  
"I should think so" Rose said. "Are you feeling contractions, love?" she asked Estella. "Yes. I think so" Estella admitted.  
  
"Follow me then" Rose said. Estella followed carefully, leaning on Merry. "If everything goes as planned, Merry," Rose said, "you will be a father before the break of day. At least I hope so, but with this child it might take longer. I do believe it's a rather large little Hobbit we'll be bringing into the world today."  
  
Suddenly Diamond showed up in the doorway, and before she could say a word Rose handed over her child.  
  
"Take Pippin, please" she said. "He's ready to be put to bed, but I have to put someone else to bed right now.. Little Pippin won't be the only child in this hole much longer now."  
  
"The baby?" Diamond asked.  
  
"Indeed" Rose said. Now that she had her hands free, she took over Merry's job of supporting Estella and led her down the hall to find a room for the baby to be born.  
  
"Diamond" Merry said. "If Rose needs us for anything, you come and get us."  
  
"Where are you going?" Diamond asked.  
  
"The stables."  
  
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Pippin sat down with a sigh and leaned back against the wall of the stable booth.  
  
"It's almost pitch black out now" he told Merry. "Not a single star in sight, and the moon seems to have vanished."  
  
"Neither moon nor star?" Merry said. "Then I wish to remain here for the rest of the night. The darkest nights scare me, they never fail to remind me of that endless darkness during the end of the War."  
  
"How much longer do you think it will be?"  
  
"A matter of a few hours" Merry said. "But it seems to be going nicely."  
  
He glanced over at the cow occupying the booth. It was time for her calf to be born, they had noticed it only minutes before Estella's labour had begun. It had been a little over an hour since then, and it was not long until supper time. They had gotten used to eating late suppers, and Merry was getting quite hungry, but he had a feeling there would be no late supper this evening. Nobody had time to cook.  
  
Next to him Pippin also sat hungry. He wrapped his blanket around him and eyed the birthing cow, out of lack of other things to look at. He couldn't define what he was feeling, and he couldn't understand why he felt it. He had been present for the birth of several cows, there had been two born at Crickhollow this year already, yet somehow this time it made him uncomfortable. He glanced over at Merry who seemed to be no different from any other night, even though Pippin felt he should be the uncomfortable one. His wife was going through the same thing as the cow right now, and that made Pippin more nervous than anything else. He had never been present for the birth of a child, and even though he wasn't even in the same hole as Estella he felt like he was way too close. It made him very uncomfortable.  
  
"Just to think Meriadoc..." he said, mostly to have something to say. "You're having a baby. Right now."  
  
"I know" Merry said.  
  
"You're going to be a father."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You don't feel nervous? Or maybe anxious?"  
  
"No" Merry said. "What's to get nervous about?"  
  
"You're going to have a child, that's what!" Pippin said. "A little Hobbit, possibly even an heir, somebody you're going to have to spend the rest of your life worrying about. Even if the child only does half of what you've done you'll have plenty of reason to worry."  
  
"I know that. But I don't think the thing about parenting is worrying."  
  
"But things won't be the same for you anymore" Pippin said. "Doesn't that make you the least bit nervous? It's no longer just you and Estella, it's a baby now as well. You won't even be able to visit friends without planning it ahead!"  
  
"That depends on whether or not I plan to bring the child with me" Merry said. "If I decide to ride over to Bag End for a day or two I won't need to bring the child, as long as Estella's home."  
  
"It's still a big change. The life you know won't be the same..."  
  
"Yes" Merry said. "But it's what's supposed to happen. I don't feel like my life comes to an end just because my wife is having a child."  
  
"Of course not. But life will change."  
  
"Hasn't it so many times already? Did you ever think you would some day be a knight of Gondor? That I would consider a human princess one of my dearest friends? That Frodo Baggins would save the world and Sam Gamgee become mayor? Life changes, and I like that. I've come to realize that changes lead to better things in the end. I've paid for some of the changes in my life, but there's always been a reward in the end."  
  
"I still find it a bit scary" Pippin said. "My cousin and best friend will all of a sudden be someone's father. It feels as if... like we're not young anymore."  
  
Merry couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Pip... We won't age ten years just because we'll have an infant around. It's about time I start a family, I'm over forty now. And I do feel like I've experienced enough to be able to settle down. There will never be an adventure greater than the one we've already been through, so I'm not going to sit around and wait for one."  
  
"Me neither, but... It still scares me. I can't explain why. I haven't even felt this way really until now, now that it's actually happening and it's real." Pippin paused for a second. "Are you thinking about it?"  
  
"My life changing because of my child?"  
  
"No, I meant that it's happening right now... That Estella's having the baby right now."  
  
"Of course I'm wondering how long it will be..."  
  
"If it were Diamond I would be going crazy. I've never seen a Hobbit being born, but if it's anything like a calf's birth then it's a horrifying thought that someone you love has to go through it."  
  
"I thought you loved the cows" Merry said in jest. Then he looked thoughtful. "You used to love Estella."  
  
"I can't deny that I once hoped she'd be having **my** children" Pippin said. "But things are different now. I love Diamond. I just think it's unsettling that someone we both care about is going through the ordeal that childbirth is. And it doesn't seem to bother you at all."  
  
"Lasses have birthed children for all of time, Pippin" Merry said. "And although it's probably the toughest thing they do in life, it doesn't **bother** me. It's just the way things are... And put it in perspective with all the things we've seen, it's not something to get **bothered by**."  
  
"I'm not following" Pippin said, although he thought he did. But he wanted to keep the conversation going, hoping that Merry would say something that would make him less nervous. Maybe some of Merry's calmed togetherness would be able to leap over to Pippin, who really needed it.  
  
"We saw Gandalf face the balrog alone to save the fellowship. We saw Boromir die trying to save us. We saw the Ents march and we saw the destruction of Isengard. Furthermore, you saw Denethor go mad and try to kill himself and Faramir. I in return saw Théoden die and Éowyn stand up against the Witch King of Angmar himself. There are more examples... The point is, we've seen so many people die and suffer, getting hurt and losing. And so when my wife has our first child, I'm not bothered by the thought of what she goes through. Because it leads to something good. Childbirth has to be the only time pain is good, because it leads to something well worth the pain. I would live through captivity with the orcs again for this child of mine, and it hasn't even been born yet. I expect Estella to be willing to put up with the pain of birth. Once that child has been born, she will know it was worth it."  
  
"You never worry that something might go wrong, then?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I don't think about it" Merry said in a tone that clearly said he didn't want to talk about it.  
  
Pippin nodded and turned his eyes back to the cow. He was getting hungrier and hungrier but he couldn't make himself go into the hole and get something to eat. He was afraid of hearing Estella, and afraid of bothering her. At the moment he felt scared of Rosie too, and what she would say or do. It didn't occur to him that Rosie would have no problem with it - she probably thought they were in Merry' study or somewhere else in the hole anyway.  
  
Merry glanced at the cow who had been birthing for close to ninety minutes by now. Estella's labour had begun almost at the same time. He knew a little about labour, his father had taught him what he knew when Merry had learned about herbal medicine. He knew that a lass' first child could take a very long time, and he wondered how long it would be for Estella.  
  
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"Estella Brandybuck!" Rosie said with a sigh as she entered the room with a bottle and a cloth. "Haven't I told you a hundred times already?"  
  
"Yes you have" Estella said. "But I like it better this way."  
  
"How can you tell?" Rosie said. "You haven't even **tried** lying down!"  
  
Estella kept a sigh in. Rosie wanted her to get into bed and just stay there, but Estella didn't want to. She knew it would most likely take several hours, and to just lie down for so long without sleeping didn't agree with her. She was far too energetic. And she liked walking around, liked to move. She hadn't had any bad contractions, at least she didn't think so. She could tell they were getting a bit more intense, but if she just stood still and breathed calmly she got through them without a problem.  
  
She wanted to keep on standing and walking for as long as possible, but Rosie didn't like that idea. Rosie kept telling her to save her strength and lie down and rest, but Estella knew she wouldn't get much rest by lying down. However, she could tell from the look on Rosie's face that there was no point in arguing. Rosie had given birth to five children herself, so she spoke from experience. But Estella couldn't help thinking that even though Rosie preferred to lie down that didn't necessarily mean that it was the best thing for Estella too.  
  
"Come now" Rosie said and gently put her arm on Estella's shoulder.  
  
"There's no use in arguing, is there?" Estella asked. Then she felt a new contraction coming and closed her eyes.  
  
"No point in arguing" Rosie said once the contraction ended. "Don't you feel it would be easier to lie down when the pain comes? Please, just lie down on the bed..."  
  
Estella gave up arguing and let Rosie lead her to the bed. As soon as Rose left the room she could get up and walk around again, she could afford to let Rose believe for now that she had won the battle. Rose made sure she was lying comfortably and then got her a blanket. Estella saw her walk over to the table where she had placed the bottle and cloth and open the bottle. Rosie then wet the cloth with the liquid in the bottle.  
  
"What's that?" Estella asked.  
  
"I'm worried, that is no secret" Rosie said. She walked over to Estella. "I fear it's going to be a very hard delivery for you, and I wish to spare you from as much of it as I can."  
  
"Do you really think I will have a baby that big?" Estella said, getting nervous. "Do you think it's going to be bad?"  
  
"I honestly don't know" Rosie said. "Birthing even a small child is hard, birthing a large one will be much harder! But I wish to help you..." She put the cloth over Estella's mouth and nose. "Just breathe, dear... This will put you to sleep, and you won't feel a thing."  
  
Estella opened her mouth to ask how long she'd be sleeping, but before she could she was already asleep.  
  
*  
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"Pippin? Merry?"  
  
Pippin and Merry both looked up at the sound of their names. It was Diamond's voice. Pippin was on his feet in just a few seconds.  
  
"Diamond! Something smells wonderful..."  
  
"You never say that unless I bring food" Diamond said and pretended to be offended. "A lass could almost believe you don't think she smells nice."  
  
"You smell great, you always do" Pippin said and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Now about that pie I smell..."  
  
Diamond smiled and reached an apple pie over the walls of the booth to the very pleased Pippin. The pie was shortly followed by two plates and cutlery.  
  
"When did you bake this?" Pippin asked, happily cutting himself a large piece.  
  
"Just now. It's fresh from the oven" Diamond said and smiled at Pippin's grin. "After I put baby Pippin to bed I had to think of something to do. And knowing you and your appetites, I thought I should bake you a pie..."  
  
"Ah... Nothing says 'I love you' like an apple pie!" Pippin claimed.  
  
"Hunger always makes you exaggerate" Merry said and got a piece of pie for himself. "Diamond do you know how Estella is doing?"  
  
"Sorry, I don't" Diamond said. "But Rosie hasn't asked me to help her with anything yet, so that ought to be a good sign. She's just complaining about Estella refusing to get into bed."  
  
"That sounds like Estella..." Merry said. "She's not good at just sitting or lying to rest. She needs to do something to keep her occupied."  
  
"You'd think childbirth would occupy her enough" Diamond said. "But so far I believe it's going rather well. Rosie worries of course, she thinks you will father big children."  
  
"I don't think our children will take after us in that department" Merry said calmly.  
  
"How's the cow?" Diamond asked. "How long until the new calf arrives?"  
  
"Hard to say" Merry said. "But I don't think it will be long..."  
  
"We're going to have to sell a few cows this year, aren't we?" Diamond said. "With four new calves..."  
  
"We're thinking about selling the three we got last year" Pippin said. "We have eight cows them included, with these ones we'll have twelve next year... That's more than what we need. And frankly, more than we'll have room for!"  
  
"Personally I think we'd get by with only one" Merry said. "We never planned on farming anyway..."  
  
"I know..." Pippin said. "But we hardly do farm. And we need the cows for the milk and the beef."  
  
"As much as the two of you eat, I wonder if twelve cows wouldn't be such a bad idea after all" Diamond said. "Nobody could ever cook enough to satisfy you two. And it gets even worse when Sam Gamgee comes to visit, I don't understand how the three of you can eat so much!"  
  
"We hate hunger" Pippin said with passion. "It's something we've had more than enough of, especially Sam."  
  
"What about the pie, have you had enough of that?" Diamond wondered. "I was going to take the rest to Rosie."  
  
"You mean this one wasn't just for Merry and me?" Pippin said, looking truly surprised.  
  
"No, you fool!" Diamond laughed. "I only made one..."  
  
"Take the rest to Rose" Merry said. "Pippin and I can get by on what we have. And if Rose needs anything, come get us right away!"  
  
Diamond nodded and grabbed the pie Pippin handed her. She pulled her cape around her with one hand and went back out in the chilly night.  
  
*  
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*  
Estella woke up with a headache. At first she couldn't remember where she was or what had happened. All she knew was that she wasn't in her bedroom. She shook her head gently to clear her head and noticed something on the left side of her bed.  
  
It was Merry. He was sitting in a wicker chair, quietly singing something she didn't recognise. She shook her head again and things started to clear out a bit. She suddenly remembered the events before she had gone to sleep. She wondered where Rosie was, and how much longer it would be before the baby was born. Most of all she wondered what Rose would say when she found Merry in there.  
  
Merry turned to look at her, and his smile grew even warmer when he noticed that she was awake.  
  
"You're awake!" he said softly. "How do you feel?"  
  
"I don't know" Estella said. "Where's Rose?"  
  
"Getting some rest. She's had a tough night."  
  
"How... for... when... Have I been sleeping for long?"  
  
"Yes" Merry said. "You've woken up twice but Rose's made you sleep again each time." "Have you been here long? Rosie will have a fit."  
  
"Just a short while" Merry said. "I've spent most of the night out in the stables. It's mighty cold out tonight... I'm glad to be back inside."  
  
"What have you been doing out in the stables?" Estella wondered.  
  
"We're not the only ones who have become parents tonight" Merry said, the warm smile lighting up his face.  
  
"The baby..." Estella said.  
  
"Born just a little while ago" Merry said.  
  
"Can I see him? Where is she? Is it a boy or a girl?"  
  
"Well..." Merry said, carefully getting up from the rocking chair. "**She** is right here. But... I'm a bit unwilling to hand her over, I must admit."  
  
Estella suddenly noticed the bundle in his arms. She couldn't see much more than blankets and some dark curls, but when she sat up to get a closer look the sharp pain made her lie down again with a groan.  
  
"Easy..." Merry said and sat down next to her. "Just relax for once in your life. Even though Rosie's prediction didn't come true your body has been through quite a lot."  
  
"The baby's not huge?"  
  
"I've seen human babies, compared to them this child of ours is wee" Merry said with a warm chuckle, not taking his eyes off the bundle in his arms.  
  
"Let me see!" Estella said and once again tried to sit up.  
  
"Didn't I tell you easy?" Merry said when she once again groaned with pain and sunk back down. "Here she is..." He gently pulled down the blankets and tilted the baby so that his wife could see the tiny Hobbit lass. "Rosie's given her first meal" he told Estella. "She didn't want to wake you up..."  
  
"She's beautiful" Estella whispered.  
  
"Takes after her mother, she does!" Merry said with his voice filled with fatherly pride. "And Éowyn is her name. That is unconditional, I will not argue with you on that! Éowyn Brandybuck, and no other name..."  
  
"Éowyn. It's not a Hobbit's name."  
  
"It is now" Merry said. "For this Hobbit carries the name. And she will carry it with pride, for she is named after the great Shield Maiden of Rohan, the White Lady herself!"  
  
"You and your ladies and kings and Rohans..." Estella muttered. "Éowyn it is then, if that will please you."  
  
"Very much so" Merry said and gave Estella a kiss. "You and Éowyn have always been the lasses I have loved most of all. Now that my daughter has arrived and immediately taken a firm hold of my heart it is only fitting that she carries the name of one of my loves."  
  
*  
*  
*  
Pippin couldn't go to sleep. It was just a little more than an hour before the sun would rise, yet sleep would not come to him. Diamond's steady breaths next to him were of no help, he had always found it harder to go to sleep when someone else was already sleeping next to him. But it was just as well that she was sleeping, he knew how cranky she could get if she didn't get enough sleep. And he also knew that when baby Pippin woke up Diamond would be the one tending to him, since Rose would be enjoying her well earned rest. Diamond needed her sleep.  
  
Pippin rolled over on his side and sighed. Merry was a father. His cousin had a daughter. Pippin couldn't believe it. He had always known responsible old Merry would make a good father, but now that there actually was a little child in the hole fathered by Merry Pippin couldn't come to terms with it. His mind couldn't register it. The knot in his stomach was still there, it hadn't gone away with the arrival of the child. The fact was that the child scared him. This little lass whom he hadn't even seen yet seemed scarier than every troll or orc he had stood before. This child was inadvertently going to change their lives forever, it was a little being whom held incredible power over the ones who loved her in her little hands. Every little cry from her had to be tended to, and as she grew older she would have needs and demands which would need to be met.  
  
"What are you tossing about for?" Diamond growled from her side of the bed, awoken by her husband's inability to go to sleep. "It's nearly dawn, Peregrin! Go to sleep!"  
  
"I can't sleep, Diamond" Pippin complained.  
  
"What is it then?" Diamond asked with a sigh and rolled over to face him. "Have you eaten too many apples?"  
  
"I've never slept with an infant child in the hole before!"  
  
Diamond growled with frustration and rolled over on her other side. Sometimes Pippin could really annoy her. But at least he seemed to be lying still now, so she could go back to sleep without being disturbed. Just as she was about to drift off she felt him spoon her, and his warm breath against her neck woke her up again.  
  
"You are hopeless..." she mumbled affectionately. "Try to sleep love, so you've got strength to meet the newest addition to the family tomorrow."  
  
"Later today."  
  
"Later today."  
  
"Was she beautiful?" Pippin asked.  
  
"You'll fall in love."  
  
"I already am in love."  
  
"You'd better be!"  
  
Diamond drifted off to sleep again. Pippin gently let his hand slide from her hip to her belly, wondering what it would feel like to put his hand there when she was expecting child. The thought was unreal to him, that a child could be inside his wife, grow inside her body and then enter the world in a manner that made Pippin cringe. Yet that was the way it was and always had been, and for someone with his past it shouldn't seem like such a wonder.  
  
He closed his eyes and tried to pretend that Diamond was expecting child right now. Would it feel any different to place his hand on her belly before it had started to grow? Would he be able to feel the baby move? He had felt Estella's child kick once, and he was sure it must have hurt her, though she hadn't made a face. He shuddered slightly and thanked his lucky star that he was a lad and wouldn't have to go through what Estella had these past months. He kissed his wife gently on the neck and wondered how long it would be before she was expecting child. He knew she longed for one, and he knew that she would not mind going through pregnancy and labour, just like Estella hadn't seemed to mind. She was a strong lass, his wife, and she would be much stronger than he when their first child made its appearance.  
  
*  
*  
*  
It was mid-afternoon when the inhabitants of Crickhollow finally seemed to be up and about again. Diamond had been up first, changing baby Pippin's diaper and feeding him milk from the cow with the new-born calf. She had then gone back to sleep for a while before getting up again to cook breakfast for the adults who would wish to eat one.  
  
Rose had been the last one to get up, save Estella who for once didn't feel like being up and about. She was very soar and preferred to lie as still as possible, holding her baby in her arms or letting her lie on Merry's pillow. Merry and carefully moved her to their bedroom, and Rosie claimed Estella had made more noise during that transportation than she had at any point the night before. Rosie hadn't given the lads any details from the birth, and neither had Diamond who had assisted Rose, but it was a mighty proud midwife who sat down to have lunch with the masters of Crickhollow.  
  
"She is not at all as large as I had feared" she said while serving herself more chicken. "Much the same size as Elanor and Rosie were when they came into the world. But she has the curliest hair I have ever seen on a Hobbit child! She sleeps like a log too, all my children have slept very little the first twenty-four hours!"  
  
"Hopefully she will keep on sleeping like a log" Merry said. "So far I haven't yet heard her scream!"  
  
"No, you were safely hidden out in the stables, tending to the new-born calf, when she decided to let us know she was hungry" Rosie said. "I assure you Master Brandybuck, your lass can cry as loud as any child there ever was. She came into the world screaming like she feared her first moment would be her last, and that seems to be her only screaming level."  
  
Merry just smiled and continued to listen as Rosie bragged about her best friend's firstborn child. He could not hear enough about his daughter, and it was especially pleasing to hear someone outside the family praising the child. Although Rosie was practically family, he thought. She was Estella's best friend, and her husband was one of Merry and Pippin's best friends. As soon as Éowyn was old enough Merry would take her to Bag End and let her play with the Gamgee children. He wanted his daughter to be friends with Sam and Rosie's children, for he knew he could not ask for any better friends for his child. At least not until Pippin and Diamond started filling Crickhollow with their children. Although judging by the slightly spooked look on Pippin's face he probably wouldn't touch Diamond for quite a while, so Éowyn would have to wait for a little Took friend.  
  
Merry couldn't figure out why Pippin was so scared by the arrival of the child. He hadn't paid much attention at all to Estella's condition over the past nine months, although knowing Pippin that was probably the issue. It probably hadn't even entered his cousin's mind that Estella was actually going to give birth to a little child who would be part of the family, not until Estella's labour had begun the night before. It would be so typical of his carefree cousin to not realise what was about to happen until reality forced him to think about it. And in one night he had had to come to terms with thoughts and realisations that the rest of them had taken nine months to ponder.  
  
He glanced over at his cousin who was feasting at the leftovers from last night's apple pie, and decided that it was time for Pippin to meet Éowyn. During these past months Merry had assumed that Pippin would be with him the first time the child was brought to him, but last night things had been nothing like he'd thought they would be. He hadn't been inside, nervously pacing back and forth as his father had assured him he would, instead he'd been sitting out in the stables aiding a birthing cow. And when he'd finally gotten back inside he'd been served a late night/early morning meal by Diamond and then remained in the kitchen until Rosie had come to fetch him. He had thought she would bring the child to him, not bring him to the child, but he hadn't argued with her since he figured she knew what was best. Pippin had been sent straight to bed along with Diamond, Rosie claimed there was nothing else for them to do that night, and the baby would still be around for Pippin to inspect in the morning. Merry had wanted Pippin to be with him when he met his child for the first time, but Pippin had obediently gone to bed, leaving Merry to see the child alone.  
  
Estella had been sleeping when Merry entered the room, another thing he hadn't expected, but he had forgotten all about his expectations when Rosie had handed him the sweetest Hobbit lass he had ever seen. Rosie had talked to him briefly, then she had left the new parents alone to go get some sleep, and Merry had sat down in a rocking chair and completely forgotten that he was supposed to be upset that he hadn't been graced with an heir. He wouldn't replace the child in his arms for all the heirs in the world, and sitting in by the table having lunch several hours later he knew that the baby would immediately take a firm grip of Pippin's heart too. There was just no way of resisting this child, he thought with the proud father's complete objectiveness. He only wished that Frodo Baggins could be there to see his firstborn child.  
  
*  
*  
*  
"Here she is" Merry said, his voice beaming with pride. He slowly walked up to Pippin, not taking his eyes off the bundle in his arms. "It's about time you two met! I think that's why she's been screaming so loudly, she's wanted to meet her uncle Pippin!"  
  
Pippin gulped and took a deep breath. He was seated in an armchair in the middle of the room, looking sternly at Merry's face instead of at the bundle. Once he laid eyes on the child it would be the definite point of realisation. Once he had seen his cousin's daughter with his own eyes it would be as real as it could ever be.  
  
Merry stopped beside him and kneeled down, removing one of the blankets so that the baby's head was visible. Pippin slowly looked down on the child.  
  
"Oh Merry..." he whispered, staring at the baby in amazement. "She is adorable! I have never seen such a darling child in my whole life!"  
  
"I know" Merry said, as proud as a father could be. "My dear Peregrin, I want you to remember the first time you were face to face with Éowyn Brandybuck. For today you have met a very special person."  
  
"Éowyn" Pippin said.  
  
"I know it is not a Hobbit's name" Merry said. "But this lass is part of me. She should carry a name that's part of me."   
  
"It is perfect" Pippin said. "I couldn't imagine your daughter having any other name than Éowyn." He gazed at the baby with eyes wide open with fascination. "Can I hold her?"   
  
"You must be careful, she is little and frail" Merry said, and hesitantly handed the baby over to Pippin's waiting arms.   
  
"Would I hurt your lass?" Pippin asked as he took the baby from her father. From the first second she was in his arms and he felt her weight, all of Pippin's worries and wonders left him and were replaced by love for the child who would always be his daughter at heart. He rose slowly from his chair and studied the tiny face closely with loving eyes. "She takes after Estella much" he said as the baby opened her eyes. "But her eyes are yours. I have never had a stranger experience... I'm being looked upon by your eyes, but they are the eyes of your daughter."   
  
"You are talking crazy" Merry said. "She does take after Estella, doesn't she? And a beautiful thing she is too! Elanor Gamgee is going to have a run for her money, I know I swore I would never lay eyes upon a more beautiful child than her, but now I have."   
  
"Indeed" Pippin said. "And she's not at all large... She's like a little kitten!"   
  
"Well she would hardly be an oliphaunt, would she? No matter what Rosie had to say on the matter before she was born..."   
  
"She does seem to have enough skin to cover a much larger child" Pippin said, looking at the many wrinkles on the child's forehead.   
  
"She will grow into it" Merry said lovingly and placed a kiss on Éowyn's forehead. Then he broke his gaze from his daughter and looked at Pippin. "Now tell me you do not wish to have children of your own."   
  
"I do not need any children of my own, I plan on wasting as much love on the child in my arms as you do" Pippin said. Then he paused for a moment. "Diamond and I will have our turn, sooner or later."   
  
"Until then, we will have to share Éowyn" Merry said.   
  
"Yes..." Pippin said and gently cooed the baby, who yawned big. Both Merry and Pippin couldn't help but chuckle lovingly at the sight. "She seems comfortable in my arms."   
  
"She seems **tired** in your arms" Merry said. "Here... Let me take her back to Estella, she will worry if the lassie is gone for long." He gently lifted the baby back into his own arms.   
  
"I can tire you out again sometime soon" Pippin told Éowyn. "It's been a pleasure holding you in my arms little one, and I promise you that it was not the last time."   
  
Merry smiled and placed another kiss on Éowyn's forehead. As soon as Estella was better they would ride to Brandy Hall and show the baby to his parents. Until then only the people at Crickhollow would know of the addition to the family, and he would savour the few short days he would have alone with just his family. Soon enough there would be Hobbits everywhere ooing and aaing over Éowyn, but for the time being she was alone with her parents, midwife and cousins.   
  
*  
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*  
"Peregrin Took, you never cease to amaze me" Diamond said and shook her head. In response she got a genuinely confused look and an apple stolen from her basket. "And careful on the apples, you'll give yourself a stomach ache!"   
  
"I don't know where all this is coming from" Pippin truthfully said and bit his apple. "It **is** cold out today, and Brandy Hall is not around the corner!"   
  
Diamond shook her head again and continued to fill her basket with apples. The two of them were picking the last apples from the last apple tree while Merry and Estella were off at Brandy Hall to show Merry's parents the baby.   
  
"When she was born you acted as if the end had been brought about" she said to her husband. "And now you act as if it is your duty in life to keep her safe."   
  
"I don't want her to catch a cold" Pippin said. "In my opinion it is very irresponsible for Merry to take her to Brandy Hall in this weather!"   
  
Diamond rolled her eyes. It was well over ten degrees and no wind was blowing. It was a very nice autumn day, perfect for taking the baby out for the first time.   
  
"What would you have had them do then?" she asked Pippin. "Wait until spring? I'm sure you'd find some reason then too why she should be kept indoors. Éowyn will not suffer from some fresh air and it's about time your aunt and uncle got to see their granddaughter."   
  
"Couldn't they have come to Crickhollow?" Pippin asked.   
  
"Now give me a break" Diamond sigh. "Stop worrying, she is in far better hands than yours at the moment, and I need some help with these apples."   
  
"Fine" Pippin said and quickly climbed the tree to get a hold of some apples higher up.   
  
"**Pippin**!"   
  
"What?" he asked with a grin.   
  
"Get down from that tree! How many times have I told you not to climb trees, Hobbits don't belong in them!"   
  
"But now that I **have** climbed it it would be a complete waste if we didn't get some apples out of the deal" he grinned for an answer and tossed a few apples down in the basket.   
  
"And don't do that either! You'll damage the perfectly good apples in the basket!"   
  
"Bake a pie out of them and no one will know they had a bump or two" Pippin said. "We've got plenty of fine apples in the cellars, even after Merry sent those huge baskets with Sam and Rosie! No doubt he spent a few hours selecting the best apples to send them, too."   
  
Sam had visited Crickhollow two days earlier to bring home his wife and inspect the new-born Brandybuck. His own children had been left with their grandparents and Sam had spent the night before he and Rosie left for Hobbiton. Sam had inspected baby Éowyn very carefully and had soon been debating with Merry over which child was the prettiest, Elanor or Éowyn. Merry would most likely have stood as winner in the end anyway since Sam still had so much respect for the title Merry was going to inherit that he wouldn't argue too much with him, but now he was soon reinforced by Pippin. Sam could not argue with them both, but diplomatically declared that both children were as pretty, "in their own special ways, if you follow me".   
  
Sam had said later that night by the fireside that it was a shame that Frodo couldn't see the baby, and Merry told him he'd be thinking the same thing. They often wondered about Frodo, what he was doing and if he was happy, and the three of them spent many hours that evening sharing thoughts and old stories about Frodo, carefully avoiding any stories which might scare Diamond or Estella who hadn't heard much about the journey. By the end of the evening they had drifted off into talking about old friends from far away, and Merry had told them all about the lady Éowyn whom his daughter had been named after. They had been drinking the cider Merry had been brewing during the week and raised their mugs for old friends and new ones, friends who were there and friends who weren't. Pippin had been very sad to see Sam go the next morning, it felt as if they hardly ever saw each other these days.   
  
"You aren't much help to anyone" Diamond complained, awaking Pippin from his memories of the previous days. "Keep your head in the present and help your poor wife out with these apples now. Are you think about the baby again?" She sighed and reached for an apple, then bit her lip and looked away. "You should have your own child to worry about."   
  
"They will come" Pippin said softly.   
  
"What if they never will?" Diamond asked, still looking away. "What if I'm unable to give you children?"   
  
"What if it is me who is unable to give **you** children?" Pippin asked. "Diamond don't worry about it. It doesn't always happen at once, it didn't for Merry and Estella and we haven't been married for as long as they have."   
  
"I can't help but to worry about it!" Diamond said. "I look at Rosie and all of her children, and now I look at Estella had her baby, and I can't help but wonder!"   
  
"It is out of our hands" Pippin said and jumped down from the tree. "If it's to be then children will come to us. And if it's not to be then what can we do?" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "We can do nothing."   
  
"You should have children" Diamond said. "You should have an heir. I don't know all of your adventures, but I do know that you're very special." She finally turned her head and looked at him. "It would be wrong for your bloodline to end here, your children and your children's children should rule over the Smials for ages to come."   
  
"And I'm sure they will" he said with a smile and put his arms around her waist. "Nothing is going to stop you and I from trying to have children, but believe me when I say that I would rather be your husband and never father any children than have twenty children with any other lass. No other lass should be the mother of my children, I'd rather have no children at all!"   
  
Diamond smiled slightly and leaned her head against his chest. He had put his finger right on what bothered her the most, even though she hadn't realised it until he'd said it. She had been worrying that he would regret marrying her if she couldn't bring him children, but his calm reassurance that he would never regret their marriage had stilled her concern.   
  
"I do want children..." he mumbled in her ear. "But I'd rather have you if I can't have both."   
  
*  
*  
*  
Estella sat down opposite Diamond at the kitchen table, and with a happy laugh at her daughter putting the baby down in a basket by her side. Éowyn was six months old and growing fast, Estella had to work hard to keep her knitting of baby clothes up with Éowyn's growth spurt. But she didn't mind, it kept her fingers busy on the evenings by the fireside and she was proud of every millimetre of her daughter. Éowyn had quickly become one of the most fussed-over babies in all of the Shire, her parents and "extra parents" Pippin and Diamond almost competed over who could fuss over her more, and the baby had received many valuable gifts from Merry's friends in foreign lands, especially from the lady Éowyn who was honoured to have given name to the child. Right now baby Éowyn was safely wrapped in a for her size rather large blanket which the lady Éowyn herself had been wrapped in as a child, only one of several gifts Merry's friend had sent her.   
  
Estella didn't say anything at first, just cooed the baby and laughed when the baby started laughing. Éowyn was as active as her mother, constantly waving her little arms and legs about, and every now and then rolling off the pillow she might have been placed on. Merry and Estella had first kept the baby in their bed, sleeping between them, but after two weeks Merry had declared that the baby needed to be moved to the crib. He couldn't sleep with the little one waving her arms and legs in his face during her sleep, and as much as he loved her daughter he preferred to sleep without getting his face bruised.   
  
Estella looked up at Diamond and laughed some more, as if having just thought of something amusing.   
  
"That husband of mine, what a liar he is!" she told Diamond with a happy laugh.   
  
"Oh?" Diamond asked, not being in the mood for jolly talking. Her head was aching and she was in a generally bad mood.   
  
"Can't stay away from his wife for more than a few months either" Estella continued. "That lying little rascal... I'll be sure to tell him when he gets back inside that he'll have to keep away from me in a few months again. Serves him right, it does" she laughed. She didn't wait for Diamond to ask what she was talking about, after giving Éowyn a piece of cloth to suck on she continued talking. "He was eager to get back into my bed, that's for sure. Or more correctly, get back to my **side** of the bed, if you get my drift. He told me that lasses nursing babies rarely get pregnant, and not that I minded at all letting him come back to me, but a liar he was!"   
  
"I'm not following" Diamond said, rubbing her aching temples.   
  
"I'm going to have another baby."   
  
"W, what?" Diamond stuttered. "But... But Éowyn is only a few months old!"   
  
"Indeed she is, and perhaps I should have better sense than to listen to Merry, but he usually knows what he's talking about. And to be honest I was longing for him as much as he was longing for me..."   
  
"Are you sure Estella?" Diamond asked.   
  
"As sure as I can be" Estella said. "I've had all the signs I had with Éowyn, just recently the most reliable one. There isn't a doubt in my mind, I will have another baby this fall."   
  
"Congratulations..." Diamond said weakly. She felt incredibly jealous of her friend, and at the same time guilty over feeling that way. But Estella would soon be the mother of two children and Diamond didn't even have one.   
  
"Merry will probably hope for a lad this time" Estella said. "I don't think he can imagine loving any little lass more than Éowyn, and knowing that he has an heir to take over Buckland some day will please both him and his father."   
  
"Estella, I don't think I've ever asked before, what exactly **are** the signs of being with child?" Diamond asked. "I've only been in contact with pregnancy through you, and you haven't seemed any different these past weeks, and when you expected Éowyn you didn't seem any different until the pregnancy started to show."   
  
"Tired, sick to your stomach..." Estella said. "There are a few signs, some more reliable than others."   
  
"Tired and sick to your stomach, that sounds like the flue to me" Diamond said and rubbed her temples more intensely. "But let's not forget headache, I'm beginning to think this one will never go away!"   
  
Estella looked at her for a while, with a frown instead of a smile. They had all caught the flue a few months back but Diamond was still feeling under the weather, and no herbal brew of Merry's seemed to be making any difference to her condition.   
  
"Diamond..." Estella said. "Forgive me for asking such personal questions, but... when was the last time you had your ordinary?"   
  
"I'm not sure, I don't keep track" Diamond said. "But when I think about it... It seems like it was quite some time ago!"   
  
"Weeks?"   
  
"I can't remember" Diamond said. "Why are you asking me this?"   
  
"The most reliable sign of pregnancy is that your monthly doesn't come" Estella said. "Mine is two weeks late now, that's how I know for sure that I'm with child."   
  
"Let me see..." Diamond said and started counting in her head, a smile slowly growing on her face. "I think it's been... nearly two months! How could I not have realised that before? Estella do you think I'm having a child as well?"   
  
Estella laughed again and nodded.   
  
"Two months? My dear Diamond, you are a fool of a Took! How you could not notice is beyond me. Two months... That means you should be a mother by September! One month ahead of me you are."   
  
Diamond blushed and was unable to keep a happy smile from her face. Her headache seemed to have vanished and suddenly it didn't bother her that she was feeling sick to her stomach. Estella handed her a pear and told her that she needed to eat to cure the nausea.   
  
"Imagine what the lads will say when we tell them this!" Estella grinned. "You tell Pippin first, tonight in the sitting room, and then I will get my little vengeance on that liar of a husband of mine!"   
  
"You're not really mad at Merry, are you?" Diamond asked worriedly.   
  
"No of course I'm not. But there's no harm in letting him think so, truth be told I would have preferred getting to focus on Éowyn for a year or so before having another one!"   
  
Estella's laughter finally became impossible for Diamond to resist, and the two of them were still laughing when Merry and Pippin came back inside a little while later.   
  
"What is so funny?" Pippin asked, eyeing the two women with confused eyes while Merry devoted his attention to the baby.   
  
"Nothing" the two lasses said in unison and broke out laughing again.   
  
"Better than finding them crying" Merry commented with a chuckle, rubbing his nose against Éowyn's.   
  
"Don't look so shocked, Peregrin Took!" Diamond said. "One might think you'd never seen us laugh before!"   
  
"I'm just curious as to what could possibly be so funny" Pippin said and hung off his coat.   
  
"Nothing" Estella said again. "Now go cook your wives supper! Diamond and I will bake a nice pie later, we thought we could sit by the fireside and tell some stories tonight!"   
  
"That's what we always do" Pippin remarked.   
  
"We are hungry! Go, shoo!" Estella said, urging the two lads off to the kitchen. When they were too far away to be able to hear them she grinned at Diamond again. "We always do tell stories by the fireside. But tonight I have a feeling we will be telling them things they'll never forget!"   
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So, what do you think? Is it interesting? Should I continue? Any comments or suggestions? Please leave a review!   
  


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	2. 1430

**Author's note**: This part turned out to be a little bit more dramatic than intended... Some facts may be incorrect but hopefully most of it makes sense. One question, by the way. Is there too much dialogue? Shall I lay low with all the talking? Let me know what you think!  
**Disclaimer**: The characters and events from LotR all belong to JRR Tolkien!  
  
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"We need to start planning things better, my dear Meriadoc" Pippin said and gave his pony one last pat before he picked up the basket on his feet and headed for the stable doors. "If we're going to make our wives with child at the same time we should at least make sure the children will be arriving in late winter or early spring, not during autumn. At least last year Diamond could still do her fair share of the work around here, now we have only you and me!"  
  
"We got by before the lasses came along" Merry said good-naturedly and grabbed Estella's basket. "We'll get by now too."  
  
"Not with you running back and forth between every task and Éowyn we won't!" Pippin commented. "Estella is perfectly capable of taking care of her on her own for thirty minutes, you know."  
  
"I know..." Merry said with a smile. "But I can't help it. And you shouldn't talk master Peregrin, you're never reluctant to drop whatever you're doing just to hug her a little."  
  
"I can't hug my wife anymore, Éowyn is all I have left" Pippin grinned.  
  
"Good thing she has enough hugs to go around" Merry said.  
  
The two left the stables and walked up to the Hobbit hole carrying Diamond and Estella's grocery baskets. Diamond was in her sixth month, Estella in her fifth, and neither of them got to carry anything heavier than Éowyn or they would never hear the end of it from their husbands. The family at Crickhollow had been to the market to do their monthly shopping, a task which usually the lasses took care of on their own, but now they needed help carrying the baskets. Pippin had complained that it was a good thing that they didn't do much farming, since they had spent such a long time at the market that their crops would probably have grown mildew long before they came home.  
  
Merry and Pippin carried the baskets into the kitchen, where Estella, active as ever, quickly started unpacking them and sorting them up in different shelves. Éowyn was quickly given a sugar lump to suck on so that she wouldn't be in the way, and the rest sat down by the table. Merry placed Éowyn in his lap and rocked her back and forth while she sucked on her sugar lump and seemed very content.  
  
"It's exhausting just to watch you, Estella" Diamond complained. She was hot and nauseous, she had never expected that being pregnant during summer could be so frustrating. Even more frustrating was the fact that Estella didn't seem bothered at all, she carried on much as she always had and just watching her flit about everywhere made Diamond feel sick. She had never been continuously morning sick, almost every morning she woke up feeling nothing but hungry, but it had been a hot summer so far and the heat made her nauseous. Estella was the other way around, during the first four months she had been sick every morning, but after an hour or two she had been as healthy as could be. And the heat of summer didn't seem to be bothering her the least bit, even though Merry claimed it set her off in the opposite direction. Instead of being tired and weary like Diamond she was overly energised.  
  
"You need to slow down and take it easy" Merry now told her and got up from his seat. "I can unpack the groceries. You take Éowyn outside and let her walk on the grass for a bit. But don't stay out for too long."  
  
"To tell you the truth I wouldn't mind going outside..." Estella said.  
  
"One would think the long hours spent at the market would have filled your needs of being outside for weeks to come" Pippin remarked and rubbed his foot. "I think I've gotten a blister from standing for so long..."  
  
"Oh nonsense" Diamond said. "We weren't there for all that long. When Estella and I go by ourselves you never even seem to notice that we're gone!"  
  
"I think we just bought so much more food than usual" Merry laughed and fished out a huge bag filled with corn. "You two are going to out-eat Pip and myself by the time Diamond's child is ready to be born!"  
  
"Eat more than you two?" Diamond laughed. "That will be the day. Perhaps if we were both expecting quadruplets. Do either one of you wish to explain what happened to the cherry pie I put in the cabinet yesterday?"  
  
"You can't prove a thing!" Pippin said.  
  
"Estella must have eaten it" Merry suggested, receiving a playful smack on the arm from his wife.  
  
"I'm sure that's what happened to it" Diamond said with a laugh, and managed to get up from her seat. "Estella you take Éowyn outside, I think I'd better stay here and keep an eye on these two, or we won't have any food left to make dinner out of later. And just think Pippin, then we'd have to go back to the market."  
  
"Fine, I'll stay away from the cherry pies then" Pippin sighed, to which Diamond laughed again.  
  
"I can't prove a thing, huh?" she said. "Busted."  
  
"Come along then, sweetheart" Estella said and lifted her daughter up. "Let's go outside and walk around for a bit!"  
  
Éowyn had taken her first steps just a week before, causing so much reaction from the adults that it had scared her and made her cry. She had been in Merry and Estella's bedroom standing up, held by her mother, when Merry had entered the room and kneeled down a couple of meters away from her. Estella had let go of the child so she could practice standing, which was still a wobbly task for her, when suddenly Éowyn had taken a couple of steps toward her father before falling over. Both her parents had reacted so loudly that Diamond and Pippin had come running to see what on earth was going on, and suddenly Éowyn had found herself held up in the air, being loudly praised by the four adults, and all the fuss had been too much for her. But after that incident she had walked a few times again, each time getting more and more steady, and now she almost seemed annoyed that the grown-ups didn't make such a fuss over her walking anymore.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Estella leaned against an apple tree and closed her eyes. She could feel the baby kick and put her hand on her belly. It felt nice to relax for a minute. She opened her eyes again and rested them watchfully on Éowyn who was toddling about a meter away from her. Éowyn could only manage a few steps at a time before she fell over, but she always got back up again and kept trying. She never seemed to lose her patience or her good mood.  
  
Estella sighed. She loved Éowyn will all her heart, and she wanted a big family, but she wished she could have gotten to focus on Éowyn for a while before the second child came along. She was more tired than she would let on in front of the others, even with a child as cheerful as Éowyn it was not easy to have a small child. Especially not while expecting a second child in four months. Sometimes when she was alone, Estella couldn't help but to sit down and cry for a while, pondering her situation. How would she be able to manage taking care of little Éowyn when her pregnancy was further gone? How would she be able to take care of both Éowyn and the baby once her pregnancy was over? Diamond wouldn't be able to help her much, she would have her own child to care for. Estella had suggested to Merry that they would hire a nanny, but he had blankly refused. His own parents had had a nanny for him when he was little, and she had not been a very nice one. Estella had reminded him that his own wife had once been a nanny, but Merry still refused, saying that parents should raise their own children or not have them to begin with. He was nowhere near as concerned as she was about how things would be once their second child came into the world, but then again he had a lot of work to do around the hole and therefore it was Estella who had the main care of the children. It would not be as much extra work for him to have two small children as it would be for her.  
  
"Estella?"  
  
Estella took her eyes off Éowyn and looked up on Diamond who sat down on her knees next to Estella. She hadn't even heard her coming, she had been so preoccupied with her own thoughts, but she welcomed a break from them.  
  
"How can you sit like that?" Diamond asked, glancing at Estella who was leaned back against the tree with her legs stretched out in front of her. "If I sat like that I would never get up again!" She sighed. "Why am I even sitting down in the first place? Merry asked me to go find you and tell you to come back inside. It's only getting warmer by the hour, and he says it's not good for you to sit out here in the heat for too long. I couldn't agree more, this heat is just too much..."  
  
Estella slowly managed to get up, even though she had been much more pleased with just sitting by her tree for hours. But the heat wasn't good for Éowyn, and she had to come first.  
  
"It's going to be one of the hottest summers ever" Diamond said, getting on her feet as well. "I just hope it starts to rain soon, or the crops will dry out!"  
  
"Good thing we don't rely too much on crops" Estella said.  
  
"The animals still need feeding over the winter" Diamond reminded her. "Not to mention that hot summers are usually followed by cold winters. Oh what a time to be with child, huh? This heat would be exhausting enough anyway!"  
  
Estella nodded and followed Diamond inside, carrying Éowyn on her arm. The heat was indeed exhausting, and she was constantly sweating. And it was only June, most likely July would only get hotter. She didn't even want to think of what August and September would be like.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
"Éowyn's birthday is in three days, do you think we'll be done with the apples by then?" Pippin asked and climbed up the fifth apple tree in the orchard.  
  
"Not in this pace" Merry answered. "I am telling you, we shall hire some help when we start with the rest of the fruit. The two of us alone can't pick all of this before it falls rotten from the trees."  
  
He took a look at the rest of the fruit trees and plants in the orchard and shook his head. For each passing year they got more and more fruit, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with it. Last year Estella had given birth in the middle of the harvesting, and this year she was in her seventh month of pregnancy and unable to help out more than by picking a few apples here and there and keeping Éowyn out of the way. Diamond, who had been a great help last year, was in her eighth month and strictly forbidden by Pippin to do more than pick the apples on the lowest branches and bring water to those working outside. Their pace wasn't even half of what it had been last year, now Merry and Pippin had to run back and forth with the baskets themselves and it took forever. Merry didn't want any of their fruit to go to waste just because they didn't have the time to harvest it, he preferred hiring some help.  
  
"Make sure we get all the fruit we can" Diamond said. "We'll need it for this winter. I am still convinced that it's going to be a cold one, no matter how hot the weather is right now."  
  
"We can't harvest even half of all this fruit on our own, Pippin and I need help" Merry said. "And I was thinking that if we hire four or five Hobbits to do this, then Pip and I can concentrate on harvesting the other crops, what little there are anyway. We're going to have to sell another cow or we won't be able to feed them all this winter."  
  
"So sell one" Estella said and shrugged her shoulders. "We've got enough."  
  
"I think we should sell one of the ponies" Diamond said. "There are only four of us, Éowyn is too young to ride, what do we need with seven ponies?"  
  
"I was thinking about breeding them" Merry said. "In fact, I'm thinking about breeding them with a mearas pony."  
  
"A what?" Estella asked.  
  
"They're the finest ponies in the world" Pippin explained. "Merry's got a thing for them ever since king Théoden let him ride one of them."  
  
"And exactly how do you plan on getting your hands on one of them?" Diamond asked and grabbed an apple from one of the baskets.  
  
"Hey!" Pippin said. "Put that apple back!"  
  
"Do you really want me to?" Diamond said after taking a bite from the apple.  
  
"You're going to give yourself a stomach ache, like you always tell me" Pippin said. "This is your fifth apple today Diamond! Slow down! **I'm** supposed to be the one who eats a lot of apples in this marriage, but you're eating so many these days that even Merry's having trouble keeping up with you!"  
  
"I can't help it, I crave them" Diamond said. "It must be the baby, whose apparently as fond of apples as the father."  
  
"Tell the baby to slow down on the apples or he or she will have a stomach ache as well. Not to mention that the poor father will be left without any apples!"  
  
Diamond ignored him and continued eating her apple, handing one to Estella as well. Pippin sighed and complained once again over both lasses being pregnant at the same time, but neither Diamond nor Estella took any notice. Pippin could complain all he wanted to, they both knew he and Merry thought it was great that they were having children at the same time. The two would often say that if they both had lads or both had lasses the two children would be as close friends as their fathers were, and if one of the children was a lad and the other a lass the two would get married when they were old enough.  
  
"So about your ponies, Merry..." Diamond said. "Where exactly were you planning on breeding them?"  
  
"Why here at Crickhollow of course" Merry said, surprised at the question. "This place is perfect. Lots of spaces, large stables... Any pony would be glad to have been bred here."  
  
"With all this fruit taking up all our time you won't have any time left for breeding" Pippin said. "Except of course of the personal matter. Say how long do you plan on waiting before fathering your next child? One month after the new baby's born? Two?"  
  
"Don't make me climb up that tree and hurt you" Merry said, not appreciating the comment very much.  
  
"I wish you would" Diamond said. "Maybe if he fell down from there and broke an arm he would learn that he doesn't belong in a tree like some bird, but that his furry feet are meant to stand safely on the ground."  
  
"When Éowyn is old enough I'm going to teach her how to climb a tree" Pippin grinned.  
  
"You most certainly will **not**" Merry and Estella said in chorus, causing Pippin to laugh.  
  
"Oh so that's the way huh, Master Brandybuck?" he said to Merry. "You are quick to climb a tree yourself, but not so quick to let your daughter do the same."  
  
"There are a lot of things that I have done that I will not have her do" Merry said. "Wouldn't you agree, Master Took? How about the stone in the well?"  
  
"Yes, or the Pellenor Fields Merry?" Pippin replied. "I for one cannot help but think that was one huge act of stupidity."  
  
"If you had been there you would not have thought so" Merry said. "I would not have done anything different if I could have."  
  
"Perhaps you wouldn't" Pippin said and came down from the tree. "But I would have. Of course you had an easy time at the House of Healing, all you did was lie in bed and have people bring you food and give you lots of attention, personally I look back on that experience with a gulp and a stomach ache."  
  
"Ate too many apples, did you?" Diamond asked and grabbed another one from the basket Pippin lifted up.  
  
"Give me that!" Pippin said and snatched the apple from her with his mouth before she could bite it.  
  
"That apple is not going back into the basket after you've taken a bite from it, Pippin" Estella said. "Please, show **some** manners! And **you**," she said, turning to Merry, "whatever you did at those fields, don't ever do it again. If it scared Pippin it scares me. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go inside and see if Éowyn has woken up yet. Plus we have to get ourselves something to eat, I'm starving."  
  
"Me too" Pippin said, still with the apple in his mouth. "I could eat a whole oliphaunt!"  
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Estella said and went inside followed by Pippin and the basket. "I would tell you not to spoil your appetite with that apple, but what's the point? It won't stop you from eating it and it certainly won't have a negative effect on your appetite."  
  
"Don't yell at me" Pippin said. "Yell at my wife. She's the one whose spoiled her appetite, if anyone has."  
  
"No, I'm still hungry" Diamond said on her way inside.  
Pippin shook his head with a chuckle and went back outside to get another basket of fruit. Diamond followed Estella into the kitchen and sat down while Estella started to prepare dinner. Merry entered with Éowyn asleep in a basket and left her there for Estella to keep an eye on before he went back outside. Diamond watched Estella silently for a minute.  
  
"Estella?" she then said.  
  
"Mh-hm?"  
  
"Are you ever worried?"  
  
"About what, Diamond?"  
  
"About when your baby comes."  
  
"No" Estella said after thinking about it for a moment. "When the baby decides to make his or her entrance, there's nothing I can do about it. No use worrying."  
  
"I can't help but to worry" Diamond said with a sigh. "Oh Estella, I wish you were having yours before mine. I'm scared of having this baby, I wish you could be my midwife. But with your child arriving no more than a month after mine you can't be."  
  
"You never know with these things" Estella said calmly. "You're having your first child, it might arrive early or late. Your baby might be weeks late even, and if mine is early I might actually be having it before you do."  
  
"Or you might be having yours late as well" Diamond said and sighed again. "I really wish you could be there... My sisters are going to midwife, but still I would feel better if it were you."  
  
"I'm really sorry I can't, Diamond" Estella said. "Especially since you were there to give Rosie a hand last year. And trust me, I know how comforting it is to have a good friend there. But with a child of my own arriving in merely a few weeks it would be impossible for me to deliver your baby. But I promise you that I'll sit with you for a while."  
  
"I just wish this was all over soon" Diamond said. "It's too hot, I'm too immobile and I'm tired of feeling weak... And I want to see my child."  
  
"It won't be long" Estella said with a smile. "You'll see him or her soon enough. And Pippin will finally have a child of his own to fuss about!"  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
"How long is this heat going to last?" Merry complained and wiped his sweaty forehead. "Your wife must be out of her head if she believes this winter is going to be cold. With this temperature it's still going to be well over fifteen in mid-winter!"  
  
"At least we're nearly done harvesting" Pippin said and rubbed his aching neck. "At least we got any crop at all to harvest, even if it wasn't much. We're going to have to sell more than one cow, and at least one of the horses as well."  
  
"I hate the thought of that" Merry said. "Selling one of the horses. I can't think of a single one of them that I would like to be parted with."  
  
"We use Strong and King on the farm, we can't sell any of them" Pippin said, thinking of the strong ponies who worked on the fields with their masters. "And selling Diamond or Estella's ponies are out of the question. So that leaves Fox, Raven and Blackbird."  
  
"I do not wish to be parted with Raven" Merry said, thinking of his faithful black pony who always carried him on his and Pippin's wild rides through the lands. "And I don't think you'd wish to part with Fox. And Blackbird drives the cart."  
  
"We could train one of the other ponies to do that" Pippin said. "Blackbird it is then."  
  
Merry sighed but didn't say anything. He didn't like the thought of selling any of the horses, they had been nothing but faithful servants and selling them would almost be like if Bilbo had sold Sam's father to work for someone else. But Pippin was right, they didn't have a large enough harvest to feed all of their animals and Blackbird was the only pony expendable. He gazed up at the sky and wished it would rain, but so far the summer had been very cheap when it came to supplying rain. On the few occasions when rain had fallen it had been in the middle of a thunderstorm, and it had poured down for an hour or so and then just stopped.  
  
"It is not just the harvest that I'm worried about" Merry told Pippin, still with his eyes on the sky. "Everything is so dry... How long will the water supply be enough? The Brandy Wine has not been this low for fifty years, and I know Sam is worried that the well at Bag End is about to dry out. And Rosie's expecting child again..."  
  
"Sam is even worse than you are" Pippin commented. "This is his sixth child. What do you suspect he's aiming at? A whole fellowship of his own?"  
  
"I don't think he's aiming for anything in particular, Pip" Merry replied. "Sam loves his wife, and that tends to result in children being born."  
  
"You might just need to stop loving yours for a year or so and give her some room to breathe between the children" Pippin commented with a grin.  
  
"I just hope Rosie will be feeling well enough to be here with Estella when her time comes" Merry said, ignoring Pippin's comment. "I know Estella wants her to be here. And frankly I do not know whom to turn to if Rosie cannot be her midwife."  
  
"Deliver the child yourself" Pippin suggested. "You've done that before."  
  
"Not my own I haven't" Merry said. But it was true that he had helped children into the world, he had been spending more and more time learning about- and practising medicine, and a few times he had been called in to assist at a childbirth. That was not something he did with pleasure however, since he was only called in when there was some sort of problem, since the general thought was that lads didn't belong in the room when a child was being born.  
  
"Would there be a difference though?" Pippin asked. "Estella is no different from any other lass, it would be the same as with any other birth!"  
  
"It most certainly would not" Merry said. "And I'd rather not be present to witness the pain that I've caused her when I'm powerless to make the pain go away. I don't think I'd be able to be as calm and together as she'd need me to be."  
  
"I'm sure Rosie will be available, Merry" Pippin said, noticing the frown on his cousin's face. "I was just teasing..." He then gulped. "Merry you've seen it happen yourself, is it really as bad as they say?"  
  
"You've seen calves being born" Merry said. "And lambs, and several other animals. You know what it's like. And don't worry, Diamond will be fine."  
  
"I can't help but to worry" Pippin said with a sigh. "I know how much she wants to give me an heir, but I still think she'd rather be doing something else when the child decides to arrive. And it can be any day now, which only makes me more nervous. How you stayed so calm last year when Éowyn was born is beyond me."  
  
"I knew Estella could do it" Merry said and shrugged his shoulders. "And I know she'll be able to do it again. And Diamond will too, Pip. Remember, it is only one day. And when that day is over you will be parents. Isn't that worth it?"  
  
"If you think that will change the way I feel about your daughter then you are mistaken" Pippin said and managed to grin. "I will still love her as my own child, even when I've got a daughter or son of my own."  
  
"Then I shall have to get back at you by loving yours as if he or she were mine" Merry said and wiped his forehead again.  
  
"Merry! Pippin!"  
  
Estella's voice caught their attention.  
  
"Supper is ready, if you're interested in eating" she said as she approached them. In this heat even the most food loving Hobbit had a loss of appetite, it was over 30 degrees and much hotter than a normal summer. "The lads you hired to work in the orchard are having their supper outdoors, but I would much like some company from the two of you inside!"  
  
"What about Diamond and her sisters?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Diamond is asleep" Estella said. "And her sisters already ate."  
  
"I can't say I'm very hungry..." Merry said and once again glanced up at the sky. "But with eating comes drinking, and I am thirsty!"  
  
"You need to eat" Estella said. "And the crops will still be here when you get back. Unless of course they catch fire from this heat" she added with a sigh.  
  
"If they do they'll be lost, that's for sure" Merry sighed. "Not a cloud as far as the eye can see... No clouds means no rain to put the fire out." He sighed again. "All this talk about rain makes me even more thirsty, come on, let's go inside."  
  
"It's not just the heat" Pippin complained and dropped his reap, content with just letting it lie where it fell. "This burning sun is not kind on Hobbit skin! When the choice comes between keeping your clothes on and sweating or dressing as lightly as you can and getting sunburned, I think I prefer sweating."  
  
"It can't last for much longer now" Estella said and followed them inside. "Soon autumn will be here."  
  
"And a hot one it will most likely be at that" Merry said and sat down by the kitchen table. "I think we can forget all hopes of any snow this winter."  
  
"Merry we haven't had snow in five years" Estella pointed out. "There's nothing unusual about that."  
  
"I don't think I've ever longed for snow as much as I do right now" Pippin said. "And after Caradhras I vowed to never think kindly of snow again!"  
  
"Here" Estella said and put supper on the table. "Eat now lads, and take a while to rest. It's hard work out there on the fields even without this heat."  
  
"Where's Éowyn?" Merry asked and began filling his plate. His appetite had suddenly come back to him at the smell of the food.  
  
"Asleep" Estella said.  
  
"How she or Diamond can sleep in this heat is beyond me" Pippin said. "I can barely even sleep at night! Even though it is not as hot inside the hole it is still too hot for my liking. All I do is twist and turn and wish I could take a cold bath!"  
  
"Autumn will be here soon enough..." Estella said again. "And shortly after autumn comes winter. Even if it won't be a very cold one, it will still be colder than the current temperature. And for that I am thankful."  
  
She sighed deeply and looked out the round window. What she saw was not the Shire, green and leafy as usual, but a yellow, dry place that didn't seem at all like the home she was used to. And not a cloud was visible in the sky. No cool, reviving breeze blew either, the winds were as hot as the sun and didn't cool anybody off. Estella was worried, this heat was not good for herself or Diamond in their current conditions, and it was certainly not good for little Éowyn who seemed to have lost all interest in eating and most interest in drinking. It took Estella hours each day making sure the child got enough fluids and nutrition. And then there was Merry and Pippin, who both worked hard on the fields and put a far greater strain on themselves in the heat than Estella felt comfortable with. Pippin was already complaining about an aching neck and Merry seemed to be bothered by his back. The two would probably be spending a few days in bed once the harvesting was over, regaining their strength and healing their aching muscles.  
  
She looked at the two lads who were busy eating and decided not to voice any of her concerns to them. They had enough on their minds anyway and needed to focus on their chores. At least they were eating now with good appetite, especially Merry was nearly wolfing down his supper. Now if she could only get Éowyn to eat and drink more she could feel a whole lot more at ease.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
"Pippin!" Merry yelled to his cousin at the other end of the acre. "It looks like we're getting rain! Finally!"  
  
Pippin looked up and saw what Merry had just spotted, clouds coming in with the hot wind. The sight of them didn't seem very reassuring to him though.  
  
"And a thunderstorm!" he yelled back. "If it brings no rain with it, something will surely catch on fire!"  
  
"You're right" Merry said and eyed the clouds. "We should go back inside... I do not wish to still be out here on the fields when the thunder starts to roll. We should get the horses and the cows inside!"  
  
"Let's pray we get rain along with the thunder" Pippin said. "We need it! I'll get the horses, you get the cows!"  
  
Merry nodded and hurried off to fetch the cows. The heat was getting more and more intense, and the clouds were dark. He wouldn't be surprised if the incoming thunderstorm turned out to be the worst one to hit the Shire that year, but as long as it brought rain with it Merry didn't mind. After thunder and rain the air always seemed more fresh, and easier to breathe. He would be more than happy to open all the doors and windows in the hole and let that fresh air flow through their home and replace the thick, dry air that filled it now.  
  
Estella looked up when the two lads entered the hole a while later.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked, sounding nervous. "You're half an hour early, you never leave the fields before seven unless something's wrong!"  
  
"It looks like thunder" Pippin said. "We sent the workers home. Nobody should be out in the weather it looks like we're having!"  
  
"Oh dear" Estella said. "Éowyn is so terribly afraid of thunderstorms!"  
  
"Take her somewhere below, where she won't hear as much of it" Merry said. "No windows and less noise should make it easier on her."  
  
"Will you come?" Estella asked.  
  
"No" Merry said. "I will stay here and look out the window!"  
  
"You sound as if you're excited about this" Estella said grumpily. "What's exciting about a thunderstorm that might set our entire fields on fire?"  
  
"The potential of rain, dear" Merry said. "If thunder is the price we have to pay for a little rain, then I'll be more than happy to pay it."  
  
"Easy for you to say, you won't be the one hidden in a dark room with our hysterical daughter" Estella snarled and strode away to get Éowyn.  
  
"What was that about?" Pippin asked, unused to seeing Estella lose her temper.  
  
"Hormones" Merry suggested. "Come, let's go to my study. We will have a better view from there."  
  
"To be honest Merry, I'm not so sure I want a better view" Pippin said, but followed his cousin anyway. "It looks like it's going to be a big storm."  
  
"You never know" Merry replied. "It might also pass us by. We haven't **heard** the thunder yet, and it is close enough that we would hear it."  
  
Once they reached the study they both went up to the huge round window in front of Merry's desk and looked out at the approaching dark clouds. They both squinted in the still bright sunlight and Pippin held his hand up above his eyes to see better.  
  
"There's no rain falling from those clouds" he said.  
  
"That doesn't mean there isn't going to be any rain" Merry pointed out. "Maybe we're in luck and it will decide to drop it all over the Shire."  
  
"Or maybe we're not so much in luck and it will decide to continue to the sea before letting the rain fall!"  
  
They stood silently and watched the clouds approach for a while, still waiting to hear the sound of rolling thunder. When not a sound was heard from the clouds after nearly half an hour Pippin sat down in a chair and took a deep breath. The clouds would block the sun any minute but still they were silent. It looked as if the storm would pass them by.  
  
"Are you as hungry as I am, Merry?" he complained. "It's almost eight now..."  
  
"It's getting dark!" Merry said, as the setting sun was blocked by the clouds. "Light a candle, Pip."  
  
Pippin obediently lit a candle, which didn't provide much light. The door opened and Diamond's older sister Jewel entered.  
  
"Master Merry!" she said. "There you are! May I have a word with you, please?"  
  
Merry nodded and knew what she probably was thinking. This weather brought on a headache, and Jewel was probably hoping he'd give her some brew to help cure it, which didn't seem like such a bad idea at all to Merry. He could definitely use one himself.  
  
"Out here, please?" Jewel said when Merry didn't follow her out in the hall on his own. Merry nodded and went out into the hall with her.  
  
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Looking for something to relieve a headache?"  
  
"You must help" Jewel said with a seriousness in her voice that Merry had never heard before. She looked at him with stern eyes and for some reason it was impossible to break from them. "It is very important that you help!"  
  
"Relax" Merry stuttered, taken aback by her seriousness. "Tell me what's wrong."  
  
"It's Diamond. Her child is coming."  
  
"Now?" Merry said. "You and your sister were supposed to handle that! Just relax, take it easy and let nature have its course."  
  
"You don't understand" Jewel said. "She hasn't just begun. It started this morning, not long after you and that husband of hers left for the fields."  
  
"It can take hours, Jewel" Merry assured her. "Especially when it's her first. It has barely been ten hours yet, it might go on for twice as long as it already has. It's nothing to worry about, trust me."  
  
"Will you **listen**? Just be quiet and listen! The baby is not coming. Nothing's happening. Nothing has happened for over an hour now, something is wrong!"  
  
"Are you really sure?" Merry asked. "I do not wish to get involved with this if I don't have to. It will only scare her."  
  
"Will you just have a look at her at least?" Jewel begged. "I am telling you that something is not right! She's bleeding, nothing's happening, something's wrong."  
  
Merry sighed. He hated dealing with midwives who had never helped a child to the world before, they always assumed that both the mother and the child were dying if it took longer than a few hours and if there was any blood at all. He really didn't want to go see Diamond, his presence would only scare her, she was well aware that he only assisted at births when something had gone wrong. He would probably just make things worse by checking in on her.  
  
"Please" Jewel begged, her eyes softening.  
  
Merry sighed and caved. If there was indeed something wrong he might as well check it out as soon as possible, before it was too late. That thought sent chills down his spine, he couldn't even imagine what it would do to Pippin if he lost his wife at childbirth.  
  
He nodded to Jewel who turned on her heel and hurried down the hall, with Merry in her tracks. She led him down one of the halls they didn't use much, which was located a bit further away from the others. Merry couldn't help but approve of their choice of location, knowing how nervous it would make Pippin if he were anywhere near the room where his child was being born. And he also understood why they had chosen not to tell him what was going on, it was much better to let Pippin believe Diamond was just resting so he could carry on with his own business without having to worry himself to a frenzy.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Estella looked up when Merry entered the room where she was playing with Éowyn. He had a look on his face that she couldn't quite define, and he didn't say as much as hello to her or the lass when he passed by them into the next room. Estella knew what was in there, it was Merry's collection of herbs. She frowned and managed to get on her feet and follow him.  
  
"What is wrong?" she asked. "Headache?"  
  
"Diamond" he replied.  
  
"Oh..." Estella said. She didn't know what else to say. Before she could think of anything, Pippin came into the room, and one look at his face told her that whatever was going on with Diamond he didn't know. He still didn't know that his child was being born.  
  
"Merry!" Pippin said, and nodded hi to Estella. "There you are! Headache? I've sure got one... Make some for me too."  
  
Estella mumbled something incoherent and returned to Éowyn, secretly wishing she could be somewhere else. She wondered how Merry was going to keep whatever was wrong from Pippin, he had never even tried telling his cousin a lie and would most likely fail miserably if he tried. Estella didn't want to be anywhere near either one of them when Pippin found out what was going on.  
  
"Merry?" Pippin said, and stepped inside the small room where Merry kept his herbs and prepared his brews.  
  
"Yeah?" Merry mumbled and continued focusing on his task at hand.  
  
"Is something wrong? You seem preoccupied with something."  
  
"Has the thunderstorm started?" Merry asked, avoiding an answer.  
  
"Yes, actually" Pippin said. "I just heard the first one... Haven't seen a flash yet, though." He glanced over at his cousin. "Is that really for a headache? Those are some pretty strong herbs you're using!"  
  
"No, they're not for headache" Merry admitted. "Pippin if you don't mind, I need to focus on this right now... We can chat later!"  
  
"All right" Pippin said, eyeing Merry with a puzzled look. "I'll go check on Diamond. She's been sleeping for an awful long time!"  
  
Merry sighed deeply.  
  
"No Pip, you can't see Diamond."  
  
"Why not?" Pippin asked with a scoff. "Give me one good reason why I can't see my own wife. I haven't seen her since this morning!"  
  
"You just can't" Merry said.  
  
A suspicion came creeping to Pippin, and he eyed Merry, then the herbal brew he was making, then Merry again. Very slowly the realisation came to him, and he backed away.  
  
"No..." he said. "Don't tell me that!"  
  
"I haven't told you anything yet" Merry said lamely.  
  
"I can think of one reason only why I cannot see my wife" Pippin said. "And that reason makes a lot of sense together with she and her sisters having been nowhere in sight all day! But if you're involved..." He gulped. "That's a pretty strong brew you're making."  
  
"It is" Merry said, not knowing what else to say. He wished the brew would hurry up and boil so that he could bring it to Diamond and get away from this confrontation with Pippin.  
  
"Why haven't you told me?" Pippin angrily asked, deciding to turn his fear into anger since that was easier to deal with.  
  
"I only just found out myself Pippin, I swear" Merry said and finally looked up at his cousin. "There was no point in telling you earlier... And not much point in you knowing now either! There is nothing you can do."  
  
"Is she going to die?"  
  
"Don't be a fool" Merry said, not fully convinced. "She's having some problems, but that happens!" The brew finally boiled and with a sigh of relief he poured it over into a mug. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get this to her."  
  
"Merry" Pippin said as Merry passed by him on his way out. "At least let me know what the problem is."  
  
"Will it make it any easier for you to know?" Merry asked. Without waiting for an answer he hurried off.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Pippin didn't leave the spot he had been resting his eyes on for the past hour even when he heard the door open. Not that he was aware of what he was looking at, he was barely aware of anything at all, and hadn't been during the hours that had passed since he had been told of his wife's condition. The only thing he was aware of was that his Diamond was having problems with her delivery, and that there was nothing he could do for her but to sit in his study and stare out the window. He hated the helpless feeling, he hated it more than anything else. It was the same feeling as when Merry had been ill at the House of Healing, all he had been able to do then was to sit by his side and wait for him to live or die.  
  
He knew that it was Merry who had entered. He knew those footsteps anywhere, just like he could recognise Merry from his shadow alone. But for the first time in his life Pippin didn't feel comforted by his cousin's presence. He could not be bringing good news.  
  
"Is she dead?" he asked his cousin in a toneless voice.  
  
"I do not know how to answer that" the hesitant answer came. "She is still alive, but... but I can't promise you that she will survive even the night."  
  
Merry's steps slowly came closer, but Pippin didn't let his eyes leave the spot they had been staring on.  
  
"What will I do now?" he asked, still with no emotion in his voice. "If she dies, what will I do? What is to become of me? I've grown dependant of her. How do I get up in the morning knowing that she is not there, and that I killed her?"  
  
"Do not blame yourself" Merry's soft voice said.  
  
"I was the one who got her into this situation" Pippin said. "It was because of me."  
  
"It takes two to make a baby" Merry said. "And you and I both know how much she's wanted to have one. Now listen to me, Peregrin Took. I will not let her die. As long as there is still some herb I can use, some brew I can make, some prayer I can say, I will."  
  
"How much she wanted a child..." Pippin mumbled as an echo. "Yes. It was she who wanted it. She much more than I. Before you had Éowyn I never gave any thought at all to having children, I've never thought of myself as father material."  
  
"Nonsense."  
  
"No it's not nonsense. It's for real. It's the truth. But your lass is so wonderful, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't thrilled when she told me she and I were going to have a child of our own. But... Not at this cost, Merry. Not at the cost of her! I do not care about the Smials, or my bloodline, I don't care about generations yet to come. She is my care. If had had to choose between having her and having children, I would rather have her! It is not worth having to let her die for the sake of a child being born."  
  
"That choice is easy to make..." Merry said. "Easy when you do not have a child. I could never choose between Estella and Éowyn."  
  
"Diamond..." Pippin whispered, for the first time starting to hint at some emotion in his voice. "My lovely Diamond..."  
  
"Pip..."  
  
"She has to live" Pippin said. "She just has to. I would do anything! She cannot die like this, I haven't even gotten to see her yet! Oh Merry, I swear, if she only gets to live I will make sure she never gets pregnant again. I will keep away from her, I will sleep in a different bed than she does if I have to. Exactly how I'll be able to give up intimacy with her I do not know, but that is what I shall do if I in return can have her by my side for the rest of my life."  
  
"Pippin..." Merry said with a voice ridden with guilt. "I am so terribly sorry, Pippin... But no matter what happens from now on, she will never have another child. And it's because of me. I killed your unborn children!"  
  
"Don't be a fool" Pippin said, not even able to move his eyes from their spot to look at his obviously guilt-ridden cousin.  
  
"Fool or no..." Merry said. "Diamond will never have another child again. And I am to blame for it."  
  
"Oh how could you possibly--"  
  
"The baby was breech, Pippin. And Diamond's sisters, they had never even delivered a normally positioned child before! So I had to do it, turn the baby... Why did I do that? I should never have done that!" Pippin could hear that Merry was now crying. "That Entwash... It didn't even cross my mind that I had grown too big! I damaged her, I should have let one of her sisters with their small arms and hands do it! I could have let them do it, I could have instructed them... But I didn't. And my treatment left her barren. I am so terribly sorry... But I had to choose between her life, hers and the baby's, their lives or lives that would never come to this world anyway if their mother was dead!"  
  
"Well that ends all of my problems then, doesn't it?" Pippin said. "As long as she survives. I will never have to worry about her being pregnant again." He was silent for a moment. "If... If she..." He gulped. "If she doesn't make it through, Meriadoc. Do you think she will believe it was worth it? Will she think her death was worth it?"  
  
Merry kneeled next to him.  
  
"Pippin... I would take a knife and run it through my heart for Éowyn. My death would be more than worth it if it would save her life. I am sure Diamond feels the same way... Won't you look at your son, Peregrin?"  
  
Pippin finally broke his fixed gaze and his eyes fell on Merry who was kneeling beside him. Pippin looked from Merry's face down to the baby Merry held in his arms and tears began to fall down his cheeks.  
  
"My son..."  
  
"He is beautiful, Pip" Merry said. "And as healthy as can be."  
  
"He's silent."  
  
"Yes. Now he is" Merry said. "He is asleep. Even in this raging thunderstorm he is sleeping peacefully. Here. Hold him."  
  
Merry gently handed the infant over to his father, and tears continued to fall down Pippin's cheeks as he held his son for the first time.  
  
"He looks just like you" Merry said. Pippin didn't say a word for over a minute. "Pip?"  
  
"Only two people have had this affect on me the first time I saw them... This overwhelming admiration, this feeling of looking at someone special. One is Diamond, and the other is Fa--" Pippin interrupted himself and started to laugh slightly. "Of course! Faramir. That is what your name will be. Faramir Took."  
  
"Faramir Took..." Merry repeated. "It's a good name. It fits a son of yours. And when he's older he can marry my Éowyn!"  
  
"Faramir and Éowyn..." Pippin said and laughed through his tears. "Yes... Of course."  
  
"Never regret that you had a child" Merry said. "Promise me that, Pippin. No matter what the cost, they **are** worth it."  
  
"I never thought anything could be worth her life..." Pippin said. "But now that I look at him... Oh I don't know, I cannot wish him away! But if I lose her I will just..."  
  
"Shhh..." Merry said gently. "It will be all right. She's asleep now, her sister is with her. And she has promised to come and get me if anything changes."  
  
"Can I see her?" Pippin asked.  
  
"As soon as she wakes up."  
  
"Can I keep my son here with me?"  
  
"For as long as you wish, Pippin" Merry said. "But I shall leave you now. It's getting late, and I'm tired!"  
  
"Of course..." Pippin said as Merry rose and headed for the door. "And thank you. Thank you. She may be barren now, but she would have been dead already if it hadn't been for you. And probably Faramir too! Thank you..."  
  
Merry nodded, even though Pippin couldn't see it. He left his cousin with the new-born child and left the Hobbit hole to get some fresh air. When he stepped out it began to rain, not in the heavy way it had during the previous thunderstorms of that summer but a lighter, softer rain. The cool rain fell on his tired face, his tired hands, tired body and washed away the heat surrounding him. He lifted his face toward the sky, completely oblivious to the thunder that was still rolling, only relieved to feel the water rinse his face and wash away the darkest memories from the hours that had passed.  
  
How long he stood out in the rain he would never know, and later on he couldn't remember exactly how he had gotten back inside and found his way to his own bedroom. All he remembered was lying in bed next to Estella with his hand on her pregnant belly, waking her up from her sleep when his wet body came in contact with her hot, dry.  
  
"Promise me..." he whispered right before he fell asleep. "That you will survive... Promise me... And I will never make you with child again... Just promise me that you won't die when the baby is born..."  
  
"You fool" Estella's voice had softly replied. "I am not going to die, and I do not wish to receive any promises from you that will put an end to our nights together. What is, is what must be."  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Diamond opened her eyes but wasn't aware of what she was seeing. She closed them again. She was sweaty, hungry, tired, thirsty, and every last part of her body was screaming with pain. Why had she woken up? She wished she could go back to sleep again.  
  
"Pippin..." she whimpered.  
  
A hand softly caressed her cheek and placed a cold cloth on her burning forehead. Diamond tried to smile, but wasn't sure if she actually managed to. Pippin was there, he was taking care of her. Everything would be fine.  
  
"Pippin..." she whispered again, barely audible. A voice softly shushed her. "I love you..." she whispered.  
  
Merry gently placed a kiss on her forehead. There was no meaning in letting her know that it wasn't Pippin who was there with her, it didn't matter now anyway. He would let her believe that he was Pippin if that would help her recover.  
  
Diamond went back to sleep. The next time she woke up he would try and get her to drink something. She had been sleeping for nearly 24 hours now, and Merry was still very much concerned over her condition. He had not let yet Pippin see her, but if she didn't start showing progress soon Merry feared he would have to let his cousin come say goodbye to her. But he was not willing to give up just yet, she had at least opened her eyes which was a very good sign. But she had lost so much blood that Merry feared there was nothing he could do for her in the end.  
  
He placed his palm against Diamond's forehead, which was still burning hot. He wondered if she would ever get to see the son she had given birth to the night before. Faramir was currently with Estella, who had both milk and motherly love to spare, but if Diamond died Merry wasn't sure what would happen. Diamond's sisters would insists on bringing their nephew back to Long Cleeve with them, but he didn't belong there. Faramir's father was still at Crickhollow, and Estella would be the perfect surrogate mother, not to mention that Faramir was now Pippin's heir and would one day become the Thain. As such, he should be raised by his predecessor and father, not by relatives in a different town.  
  
"Oh Diamond..." Merry whispered with a sigh. "You must survive. Not only for your husband's sake but for your son's. For all our sakes."  
  
Diamond didn't reply from her deep sleep and Merry placed a new cloth on her forehead. Only time would tell if she would come back to life or if her life would end.  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Diamond finally opened her eyes and came out of her deep sleep for good two days later, like before calling her husband's name. Once again it was Merry who answered the call, this time however Diamond saw and recognised him.  
  
"Was it you?" she asked, her voice sounding like it hadn't been used in months. "I thought it was Pippin... But it was you?"  
  
"It was me" Merry admitted. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice again, Diamond Took! You gave us all a scare!"  
  
Diamond nodded slightly. She had only vague memories of the past few days, for as long as she lived she would never remember much of what had happened the night her son had been born. Merry's brew played some part in it, but most of all it had been too painful for her mind to wish to remember. She could only recall a few fragments here and there, and when she now opened her eyes and spoke with Merry she had no idea whether or not her child had been a boy or a girl.  
  
"Drink this" Merry urged and helped her swallow a little soup.  
  
"Thank you..." she said.  
  
"You are doing much better" Merry told her with a warm smile. "For quite a while there I feared we would lose you. But like I said to Pippin, you are stronger than that and you can handle quite a lot. You'd have to be to be Pippin's wife! There is no way he would ever love a weak person."  
  
"I'm still so tired..." Diamond said. "Yet I feel like I have slept for months. My whole body hurts..."  
  
"I put something in the soup to ease the pain" Merry told her.  
  
"Have you been here the whole time?" she asked.  
  
"More or less. Your sisters have watched over you during the night... But I have been sleeping in the next room, in case you or they would need me. Now that you're awake however, and appear to be out of the woods, I am going to take some time to go do something I have been meaning to do for days now."  
  
"I am sorry that I have been keeping you" Diamond said.  
  
"Don't be a fool" Merry said and caressed her cheek gently. He rose and left the room, returning a few minutes later with Pippin.  
  
Diamond somehow managed to sit up in her bed when she saw Pippin enter with the baby. She saw Merry's wide smile in the corner of the eye before he closed the door to give them some privacy, and then she was alone with Pippin and the child. Pippin sat down carefully next to her and gave her a long kiss.  
  
"You had me scared" he whispered. "I thought I would never see those lovely eyes again... Yes indeed you scared me good."  
  
"Can I see the baby?" Diamond said and reached out her hands for the child.  
  
"Easy now, don't exhaust yourself" Pippin said. He managed to get her to scoot over a bit so he could sit next to her, and then carefully handed Faramir over.  
  
Diamond took the baby and smiled gently. She was fighting her fatigue, she didn't want to go to sleep now, she wanted to stay in this moment for as long as she possibly could. She leaned against Pippin, comforted by his presence and his support, and he gently put his arms around her and helped her hold the child.  
  
"His name is Faramir" Pippin told her. "That is unconditional, I will not argue with you on that! I gave him that name when I first saw him, because... Just because he's supposed to have that name."  
  
"Faramir" Diamond said, trying the name out. "It's very strange... But so is Éowyn."  
  
"Faramir is the lady Éowyn's husband" Pippin told her. "He is the brother of Boromir, the great warrior who sacrificed his life for Merry and I. I have never known a man more noble than Faramir son of Denethor, not even king Aragorn himself. If our son turns out even half as noble as the man he was named after, I shall be so filled with pride that you will never hear the end of it..."  
  
"Then so it shall be" Diamond said. "Faramir will be his name. And he could not have come to a happier mother..."  
  
"Or father" Pippin added. "And twice as happy am I that you lived through it. If I had lost you I would not have known what to do."  
  
"If you had lost me it would have been worth it" Diamond said. "Our Faramir would have been worth dying for!"  
  
*  
*  
*  
  
Less than a month later Diamond was up and about again, still weak but so happy over her son that she didn't mind. And six weeks after Faramir's birth it was Estella's turn to have her child, assisted by Rose Gamgee. This time Estella was given nothing to put her to sleep, even though she several times during the birth asked Rosie to give it to her. Rosie blankly refused her every time, saying that she saw no reason why Estella couldn't have this child like a normal lass, and that the kind of procedures Rosie had gone to last time were only to be used when things weren't expected to be normal. Estella however questioned that everything was indeed normal since she had been asleep during most of her first birth and had no real idea of what it would actually be like.  
  
Late in the afternoon on a cold October day hers and Merry's son was born. Unlike the day when Faramir had been born it was cold outside, the temperature had dropped fast after the huge thunderstorm which had started five fires in the Shire and scared several Hobbits much more than they were willing to admit. After the hot summer, autumn gave way quickly and winter was coming. Much as Diamond had predicted it had gotten colder, the temperature was closing in on freezing by now and rain was often pouring down.  
  
Estella sat in her bed as dusk fell outside and gently rocked the baby back and forth when Merry was let in by Rosie to see his wife and new-born child. Now that the delivery was over Estella was glad that Rosie had kept her awake, for this time she got to see the look on Merry's face when he saw the baby for the first time. She decided then and there that the look on Merry's face alone was well worth the painful experience of giving birth and when they gently kissed she couldn't help but regret having missed out on this experience the first time around.  
  
Merry carefully sat down next to her and looked at the baby. He eyed his son carefully and then looked at Estella.  
  
"I can't really tell..." he said. "Does he look like me or you?"  
  
"He looks like us both" Estella answered him with a smile.  
  
Merry kissed her again and laid down next to her. He leaned his head against her shoulder and put his arm around hers, gently stroking the baby's head. Neither one of them spoke for a while, silently savouring the moment.  
  
"I assume you have a name for him already" Estella said, breaking the silence. "After one of your friends."  
  
"Théodoc" Merry said. "After Théoden king. As a father he was to me. For a little while..."  
  
"I like it" Estella said.  
  
Merry gently kissed her neck and closed his eyes for a second. He wished he could stay in this moment forever, this peaceful quietness with his wife and son. He was more grateful than he could put into words that he was able to lie here with Estella, that her delivery had gone well and that the baby was healthy. Théodoc would one day take over after his father as the Master of Buckland, just as Faramir would take over as Thain. It was pretty incredible that both himself and Pippin had had heirs born barely a month apart.  
  
"I love you so..." he whispered to Estella. "You and Théodoc both... And Éowyn."  
  
"I love you too" Estella whispered back. "But please... Can we wait for a little while now before we have a third?"  
  
"We'll wait for as long as you want to" Merry assured her and kissed her again. "We already have the perfect daughter and the perfect son... There is no need for anything else."  
  
Estella chuckled.  
  
"You say that now... But you'll soon be finding several good reasons why a third child would be nice. And most of those reasons will be bedroom related."  
  
"All in good time..." Merry said. "For now I'm happy just holding you. I'm happy knowing that you're there, right next to me, and that you're not going anywhere."  
  
They fell silent again, not feeling that there was anything else that needed to be said. They had each other and they had their new-born child, it was all they needed at the moment. It was as if both were scared they would break the magic if they spoke, since there seemed to be no words to describe what they were feeling.  
  
"Look..." Merry said suddenly, breaking the silence but not the magic. He had taken a look out the window and seen something. "It's snowing... Who would have thought that six weeks ago?"  
  
"Snowing..." Estella said and looked out the window as well. "The first snowfall in five years. What a story to tell Théodoc when he is older."  
  
Merry nodded. Estella turned her eyes away from the window and looked into Merry's. Then they looked at their son. Outside the first snow in five years was falling, and following the hottest summer in decades at that. But in the dark, quiet room, in Estella's arms, was something much more rare and special.  
  
*  
*  
*  
I thought of another question... =) Is there too much about Estella and Diamond? Should I focus entirely on Merry and Pippin? About Merry's son's name btw, while reading through his family tree I noticed that all Masters of Buckland had names that ended with "doc" or "mac". That is why I chose to alter Théoden to Théodoc!  
  


* * *


	3. 1431

**Author's note: Part three. Life goes ever on and on… This part focuses more on Merry than on Pippin. Please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: As much as I want to, I do not own the characters (except for Merry's children) =). They all belong to JRR Tolkien!**

"When will this winter end?" Pippin complained and rubbed his aching feet. "I can't believe I ever wished for the heat to go away! Or longed for snow! I stand by every word I said about snow up on Caradhras, mark my words Merry! Diamond was right, the winter sure came with the cold, and it makes you long for summer again, doesn't it?"

     Merry didn't answer. He was busy rubbing his own feet, trying to get them warmed up again. The snow was still a few decimetres deep and for Hobbit feet that was more than enough. Each turn to and from the stables resulted in cold, aching feet and by now Merry was sick of it. It was late March, he wouldn't mind if the sun would start to warm up and melt the snow by now, but still the temperature never made it above freezing. Merry had forgotten what it was like to have frozen feet, it had been long since last time he had experienced it. At least he wouldn't have to go back outside again tonight.

     Estella came into the room with Théodoc on her arm and frowned at the two lads seated as close to the fire as they could possibly get without their hair catching on fire. The two of them had pulled up their favourite armchairs to the fire to sit more comfortably during the long times they spent each day trying to warm their icy feet, and by now Estella was used to seeing them sitting their, groaning and whining over their aching feet while trying hard to warm them up again. Six months earlier she had worried over how they would handle the heat, now she was worrying over how they would handle the cold. It seems like all she ever did anymore was worry. She was beginning to understand why Rosie had lost her old carefree nature.

     She sat down and began feeding Théodoc, not bothering to care that Pippin was in the room. With Éowyn she would never have dared to nurse with Pippin or any other lad in the room, she would barely even nurse her in front of Merry, but Théo needed to be fed and Pippin had his back turned anyway. And if he were to turn around she could handle it. He had never seen her nurse, but she knew he had often seen Diamond nurse Faramir. He claimed that it was one of the most wonderful sights there were for a father's eyes, and even though Estella didn't wish to have his eyes upon her when she nursed her own child she didn't feel like it would be the end of the world if he did see her.

     "He eats like a pig" Merry commented and turned his head to look at his wife and son. "It seems like every time I see you you're feeding him!"

     "Takes after his father" Estella said.

     Pippin let out a loud cry of pain at the same time as Estella decided that the baby had had enough to eat, and she gave Pippin a worried glance as she began to burp the child.

     "That does not sound well, Pippin!" she said.

     "You take after your husband" Pippin told her and continued rubbing his left foot with a pained expression on his face. "Always concerned with other people's medical conditions… I wonder how long it will be before you begin to learn what herbs to cure what pain with!"

     "No, thank you" Estella said. "I'll leave that to Merry."

     "I'm beginning to understand why the big people wear shoes" Pippin complained. "Hobbit feet weren't meant to march in snow!"

     Merry didn't comment out loud, even though he couldn't help but agree. His feet seemed very reluctant to get accustomed to the icy cold snow and twice a day it was the same procedure. Out to the stables, spend an hour tending to the animals, then walking back and forth to the hole with the milk and eggs. His feet were always numb when he got back inside and it was very painful to warm them up again.

     Estella finished burping Théodoc and gently put him down on a pillow. She rose and went over to Merry and Pippin.

     "Oh your poor feet Merry!" she said and sunk down by his feet, which he were rubbing with a grim look on his face. "Here, let me, love…" She took both his ice cold feet in her hands and began rubbing them hard, knowing that even though she might hurt him a bit with his hands a hard rubbing would warm them up faster. "We ought to dig a hall out to the stables this summer" she said. "We cannot have the two of you running back and forth in the snow! Sooner or later it will be a snowy winter again and oh your poor feet.."

     Merry leaned back in his armchair and closed his eyes, groaning at the pain in his feet. Estella's rubbing hands were indeed painful, but he could feel his feet slowly warming up.

     "Where's that wife of mine when I need her?" Pippin groaned. "I sure wouldn't mind a good foot-rub myself!"

     "She's putting Faramir to bed" Estella told him and rubbed Merry's feet a little gentler. "I should be doing the same… Théodoc needs to get to bed."

     "No hurry" Merry groaned. "Just keep rubbing…"

     "Am I hurting you?" Estella asked.

     "Don't stop… You're doing great!"

     "Why does Diamond have to take so long?" Pippin whined and jealously glanced at Merry. He would much rather have his feet rubbed by Diamond than have to do it himself. His hands were starting to ache from the hard rubbing.

     Merry let his arms fall down the side of his chair and groaned again. His feet were starting to feel better now, and Estella's rubbing hands were softening a bit. He felt incredibly thankful that he didn't have to go outside again this evening, he could just stay here in his warm chair and hopefully have Estella crawl up in his lap when she was done rubbing his feet. That seemed like the perfect evening right now, just sitting in his chair with Estella resting her warm face by his neck and his arms resting around her.

     He opened his eyes at the sound of Diamond entering, and the sound of a pleased cry from Pippin who apparently saw his chances of getting a foot-rub increasing. Merry turned his head and saw that Diamond was not alone. She had Merry's second cousin Ilberic with her and one look at his face made it clear that it was not a courtesy visit. It didn't take Merry many seconds to realise that he probably wouldn't be getting the kind of evening he was hoping for.

     "Merry" Diamond said. "Your second cousin is here to see you. He says it's urgent!"

     "Come on in, Ilberic" Merry said. "Have a seat. Can I offer you something to drink? I was just about to suggest that Diamond would go get us some hot cider!"

     Pippin gave Merry a murderous look as Diamond took the last comment as a request and hurried off to get the hot drinks. Him and his feet seemed to be on their own this evening.

     "I have to decline your offer, cousin Merry" Ilberic said and bowed nervously. "I have come in a much urgent matter! It's my wife, see? You remember her?"

     "Of course I do" Merry said. "Salvia. You were married last year."

     "Yes, that's the lass!" Ilberic nodded. "She is expecting our first child, see? And things are not going well for her, her time has come, and things aren't going well."

     Estella eyed Merry. She had felt him tense up a bit, and she couldn't understand why. She wondered if she should leave his feet for now and rub his shoulders instead, they seemed to be in much greater need of a massage at the moment.

     "I was told you were the one to turn to in such cases" Ilberic nervously said. "Salvia's mother is her midwife you see, and she helped deliver another child a year ago when things didn't go well and you were called upon! She told me that I should come get you."

     "I'm sorry, Ilberic" Merry said. "I wish I could have spared you this cold ride. But I do not believe I can be of any assistance to you or your wife. I'm sorry."

     Pippin and Estella both had trouble keeping from glaring at Merry with surprised eyes. They both knew perfectly well that Merry was more than able to assist Ilberic's wife, and they couldn't understand why he was claiming differently.

     "You must!" Ilberic said, his voice hinting on desperation. "You must help her!"

     "Would you pardon us for a minute?" Pippin said, eyeing Merry. "I just remembered I have something very important to say to Merry!"

     "More important than **this**?" Ilberic asked.

     Pippin didn't reply. He was already halfway through the door with Merry reluctantly following. They went into the next room, leaving Estella alone with the very upset Ilberic. She rose from her seat on the floor and lifted little Théodoc up, wondering how the baby's presence was making the nervous father-to-be feel. Gently she urged him to have a seat, but Ilberic declined, far too nervous to be able to sit down.

     In the next room, Pippin locked his eyes with Merry and was not planning on letting them go before this new matter was sorted out.

     "Why are you saying to him that you cannot help?" he asked. "You and I both know that you can. He is your cousin, once removed, why are you not willing to help him?"

     "You know that I would help him if I could" Merry said.

     "Then why don't you? You and I both know that you can assist at a childbirth. You don't even know what the matter is yet, and still you're telling him that you cannot help. Merry if this is about Diamond--"

     "Pippin I cannot help his wife!"

     "You did nothing wrong with Diamond!" Pippin said, ignoring Merry's comment. "What are you afraid of? You did what you had to do, there is no reason why you would be unable to help Salvia Brandybuck!"

     "If the baby is breech--"

     "You do not know that it is! It could be something entirely different! It could even be nothing more than an overly concerned grandmother-to-be! But you have to go and see, you have to help in whatever way you can!"

     "If--"

     "If it is breech then instruct Salvia's mother! You do not have to turn the baby yourself, let someone else do it. But be there!"

     "Pippin I **can't**" Merry said. "Do you understand me? I can't! I barely know this lass, I cannot be of any help to her!"

     "You don't have to know a person to save her life."

     "I failed Diamond!" Merry said, barely able to keep his voice down. "I failed your wife, her life was in my hands and I failed her. **Your wife**, Pippin! Aside from my own wife there is no other lass I could have more concern for in that moment. If I could fail Diamond then I will surely fail Salvia, or any other lass!"

     "Listen to yourself!" Pippin said. "Failed? How did you fail her? Yes, her life was in your hands, and she's alive, we have a precious baby boy who is also very much alive, because of you! That is all that matters, and I will not have you believe that you failed in any way!"

     "What if Salvia is left barren?"

     "Why would she be? And even if she were, would you rather have her die?"

     Merry broke from Pippin's eyes, and Pippin let him. They were both silent for a minute. Pippin was the one who broke the silence.

     "Now go in there and tell Ilberic that you will go see his wife. You must believe in your own ability, my dear cousin. Diamond is alive and healthy, Faramir is too. Remember that. And if there is still any doubt in your mind go out there and ask Ilberic if he would prefer leaving his wife without help or putting her at a very small risk of being left barren. If he has any sense in that head of his he would tell you right away that all that matters is that you come help Salvia. You know I'm right."

     With that Pippin turned Merry around and pushed him back into the other room, where Estella and Diamond were trying to convince Ilberic to have at least a mug of hot cider. Ilberic declined them once again, and looked at Merry hopefully and impatiently. Merry took a look at Pippin and then sighed.

     "Is your pony waiting outside, cousin Ilberic?" he asked. "I will ride ahead. You can stay here and wait for morning if you'd like, if not I'm sure Pippin can help you get my pony ready."

     Without waiting for an answer Merry hurried down the hall, followed by Estella. She said nothing as he grabbed his coat and sighed deeply at the thought of having to go back outside, but she eyed him thoughtfully. She then handed him his cape and placed a kiss on his cheek.

     "I do not know what caused you to hesitate" she said. "But I'm glad you changed your mind. I wish you didn't have to go back outside…"

     "At least I'll be sitting on the back of a pony" Merry said. "My feet will be safely kept from the snow."

     "I shall be hoping to find you in bed when I wake up tomorrow morning" Estella said and kissed him again, this time on the lips. "And I hope things go well for Salvia."

     "Kiss Théodoc goodnight for me" Merry said and left.

The next morning Pippin was getting himself some breakfast when Merry came back home, and he would always remember the way his cousin looked on that particular March morning. He was cold and tired, but there was a small but very real smile on his face. Estella and Diamond, who had just finished eating their breakfasts, both rose from their chairs when Merry came into the room, one grabbing his cape and coat and the other hurriedly starting to cook him breakfast. Merry sank down in the nearest chair and lifted Éowyn into his arms, smiling a bit wider when she put her tiny arms around his neck and hugged him.

     Estella fell on her knees by his feet and quickly began to rub his cold feet like she had the night before and Diamond placed a large breakfast in front of him. Merry only smiled, not saying a word until his breakfast was finished and his feet were warmed up again. Then he smiled slightly and looked at Pippin.

     "I didn't fail her" he said. "Just like you knew I wouldn't."

     Pippin nodded.

     "No, you didn't fail her" he said.

The summer of 1431 was nowhere near as hot as the previous summer had been. The Shire quickly got back on its feet and whatever damage had been done by the weather the year before was quickly healed by the hardworking halflings. In April Rosie Gamgee had given birth to a daughter, who was named after the blond curls on her head, and in early May the Gamgees, Tooks and Brandybucks all gathered at Bag End to celebrate that between the three of them, Sam, Pippin and Merry now had nine children – as many as there had been members in the Fellowship of the Ring. And that was a good a reason as any to celebrate.

     Elanor Gamgee was ten years old by now, and a very pretty child. She was very shy, even in front of her father's best friends, but when her old nanny Estella entrusted her with the job of looking after 21 month old Éowyn she quickly warmed up and came out of her shell.

     Frodo Gamgee was almost eight, and he and his two years younger sister Rosie were much fascinated by their guests who told them such extraordinary stories of Elves and trolls and wizards, stories which Sam himself hadn't told his children since he felt they were too young. Merry and Pippin however claimed that was nonsense, and were more than happy to excite the young children with the more innocent stories they had to tell. Their little Gamgee namesakes were four and two years old and had already been put to bed when the storytelling began, but Pippin vowed that when the child carrying his name got older he would hear everything Pippin had to tell him of his own adventures, to which Diamond dryly commented that it would be very nice if he could consider sharing some of those stories with his wife first.

     When all the children were asleep the six adults looked back on the months that had passed since they had last seen each other on September 22nd. Sam had never even seen little Théodoc, for he had been too busy with his job as the mayor to come and bring his wife home after the birth of Merry's son. Of the names Faramir and Théodoc all he had to say was that they had been named after each other's father if Sam hadn't already given their names to two of his sons.

     For a week the inhabitants at Crickhollow stayed at Bag End, and when they left the three fellowship members were all wondering if they would get a chance to see each other again before September 22nd.

After the much welcomed summer, autumn came once again and with it came three birthday celebrations. Éowyn had her second birthday, followed by Faramir and Théodoc having their first. On the evening of Théodoc's birthday Estella stood in the room where her son had been born and looked out the window. Last year she had seen snow fall on this night, this year they were still in autumn. Hopefully the approaching winter would not be as cold and snowy as the previous one had been, she worried much over Merry's health, especially during the middle of March. He always seemed low and tired during that time, as if feeling pain from an old wound. The past winter with its snowfall and unusually low temperatures had only made his condition worse, and for two days he had been in bed. Once he had gotten back up on his feet again it had been as if nothing had happened, but Estella couldn't forget. She was worried, she had no idea what wounds he might be carrying from his past, aside from the dark scar he carried on his forehead. She hoped that the winter ahead of them would be gentle and not put such a strain on him.

     But it was not just the weather's impact on him that worried her. He had been working hard this year, not only at Crickhollow but with medicine. His return to the Shire years earlier and scouring of the Shire had resulted in many Hobbits seeing him as an honourable and dependable hero, and his growing interest in medicine had established him as a role model and a doctor. Hobbits often turned to him when they were sick, and during the past week he had often been called upon to tend to some poor Hobbit with the flue. Estella had barely seen him at all in the past week, not even today on their son's birthday had been able to stay at home.

     Estella remained in the room of her son's birth for a long while, until it was well past dusk, and then slowly went back to the nursery where Théodoc and Éowyn were asleep. She sat by their beds for a little while, watching them sleep, before she was ready to go to sleep herself. She then rose and went to her own bedroom, where the bed was empty. Merry was still not home. She sighed deeply and crawled into bed, wishing he could just be an ordinary Hobbit like everybody else. She felt his place was at home with her and the children, but the rest of Buckland seemed to think his place was in their homes, taking care of their sick ones.

Merry found her asleep when he came back that night. He couldn't help but feel guilty when he saw her, even though she wasn't likely to say anything he knew she was upset with him for being away this evening. And Merry couldn't blame her – it was their son's birthday and he hadn't been there. Not that it made a difference to Théodoc, but to Estella it made a huge difference and he knew it. But he hadn't been able to say no when he had been visited by the feverish Hobbit who only asked for something to help cure his family who was sick in the flue, he had never expected it to take as long as it had. It had turned out to be much worse than he had expected, the family had a three year-old son who was probably not going to survive. Merry hated flue years, they always took the lives of some of the youngest and oldest, and this year he knew he would have to be the one to tell anxious parents that their child didn't stand much chance of recovery.

     He was already undressed and ready to get into bed, but changed his mind and pulled his robe around him. He left his and Estella's bedroom and went into the nursery, sitting just as his wife had earlier that night by their children's side, watching them sleep peacefully. How did it feel to be told your child was most likely going to die, he wondered. Could you even realise it? He gently stroke Éowyn's cheek with his hand and placed a kiss on Théodoc's forehead. At least his children were healthy, showing no signs of the flue. They were much more isolated out at Crickhollow than at many other places and Merry was very glad that they weren't living at Brandy Hall, where every hall was filled with Hobbits.

A month later the flue came to Crickhollow. It was Théodoc who first showed signs, and after three days all three children were in bed with aching heads and throats, and burning with fever. Merry searched through all of his herbs, hoping to find athalas, probably very dry by now but better than nothing. He found nothing, and had to trust to his regular herbs when hoping to be able to cure the children.

     He was sitting in the nursery with Estella, who had hardly said a word during the past days. They only slept for a few hours each night, taking turns, the rest of their time they spent with their two little children. Estella's silence was driving Merry crazy, he felt like her silence was blame, blaming him for bringing the flue to their home and to their children.

     "Say something" he begged her on the fifth night since Théodoc had first shown signs of the flue. "Speak with me."

     "What should I say?" Estella asked, gently stroking Théo's cheek.

     "Anything at all" Merry said. "Just say something."

     "He is so little…" Estella said, her voice filled with sadness and worry. "Barely even a year old! So little, so frail… It is always the small and frail who die first."

     "He will not die" Merry said firmly.

     "And Éowyn…" Estella continued as if not having heard him. "She is only a year older. Children much older than she is have already died!"

     "She is not going to die, and neither is Théodoc! Neither one of them is going to die this winter Estella!"

     "My babies… So little and frail…"

     Merry wished he hadn't asked her to speak. Her words seemed more like accusations than her silence, and he knew that he could not promise her that the children would live. Théo had been ill for nearly five days, not showing any signs of getting any better, and Éowyn was not doing much better. They were indeed so little and frail, and there was only so much their little bodies could handle.

     "My little ones…" Estella continued. "My precious little babies…"

     Unable to take anymore of it, Merry rose and began to pace back and forth in the room. Estella quieted and looked at him.

     "Pacing a hole in the ground will not help them" she said at last. "Sit down, Merry."

     "I cannot sit" Merry said. "Cannot sit and do nothing!"

     "Then go make another one of your brews" Estella said, getting impatient. "That's all you ever do these days. Make your brews and pace!"

     "I must do **something**!" Merry said. "And at least I know that the brews give them some fluids, heal their soar throats and aching heads! It's better than to just sit here!"

     "I do far more than just sit here" Estella snarled, taking his words as an accusation. "It is I who place wet cloths on their burning foreheads! It is I who at least **try** to make Éowyn eat some soup and Théodoc nurse! I am the one who shush them and rock them to sleep when they wake up crying from the soar throats and headaches you claim to have cured!"

     "Don't try to tell me I haven't done the same!" Merry snapped. "I got no sleep at all last night, just pacing back and forth with Théo, hoping he would not wake you or Éowyn!"

     "There you go again" Estella said. "Pacing."

     "You sure don't mind that I pace back and forth from the kitchen! Those soups you speak of, who makes them?"

     "I **cannot** make them" Estella said. "I have to sit here! When they wake up and cry for their mother, who else would you have be here?"

     "I guess it is of no importance that Éowyn cries out for **me** more than she cries for you!" Merry harshly replied.

     Their argument was interrupted by Théodoc waking up and starting to cry, but only for a brief moment.

     "Are you happy now?" Estella angrily asked and lifted Théodoc from his bed a little less gently than she usually would have.

     "Pardon me dear, but I believe it was **you** who began this discussion!" Merry replied, just as angry.

     "Oh it was, was it?" Estella said and began walking back and forth with Théo, gently bouncing him up and down. "Tell me, who was it that urged me to speak?"

     "You call this speaking?" Merry asked. "Arguing is the term I would choose! And now who is pacing?"

     "You woke the baby!"

     "So did you!"

     Théodoc cried harder at the hard tones in his parents' voices, waking Éowyn up and causing her to cry as well.

     "See now what you did?" Estella angrily asked.

     "Oh of course it was me" Merry snarled and lifted Éowyn from her bed. "Who else would there be to blame? This argument was because of me, the children waking up was because of me and the flue was most definitely because of me!"

     "Get out of here" Estella angrily said. "Take Éowyn someplace else and make yourself useful for once! And the next time you feel like an argument should be in order, try not to wake up the children!"

     Merry didn't bother replying, he followed orders and left with Éowyn for the kitchen. Éowyn could feel his anger and it scared her, her sobbing increasing. Merry searched through the cabinets and found some sugar which he tried to bribe the lass with, but she refused to take it. Angrily he sighed and sat down on a chair.

     "There now…" he mumbled. "It's okay…"

     When Éowyn showed no signs of calming down he rose and grabbed a cloth which he quickly wet and used to wipe her sweaty forehead. He then wiped her face, neck and arms, hoping that it would cool her off a bit. It at least seemed to have a soothing affect on him, and that rubbed off on Éowyn.

     "There's a good lass…" he mumbled and sat down again. "There's Dad's big girl…"

     After a while Éowyn calmed down and went from crying to lightly sobbing, and this time she took the sugar lump she was offered. Merry gently rocked her back and forth and hummed an old tune he had learned in Lothlórien and after a while Éowyn had stopped crying all-together.

     "My head hurts" she complained.

     "I know it does, sweetheart…" Merry said. "I know it does. It will get better."

     "When?"

     "In a day or two."

     "I want it to be better **now**!"

     "I know…" Merry said. "I want it to be better now too."

     Pippin entered the kitchen and grabbed a carrot. He sat down next to Merry and Éowyn and began chewing on the carrot, barely aware of what he was eating.

     "How's Faramir?" Merry asked.

     "He has got a fever" Pippin mumbled. "You couldn't tell just by looking at him that he's ill… His cheeks are so rosy! He will get better, won't he?"

     "I hope so" Merry said.

     "Merry?" Pippin said. "Would it be okay if we moved Faramir to your nursery? It's just so… quiet in ours. We feel so isolated. And I for one would feel much better if you were there, keeping an eye on him."

     "I don't think that's a very good idea, Pippin" Merry said and sighed. "He won't get much rest there…"

     "Why, what's the matter?" Pippin asked. "It's not Théodoc, is it? Oh Merry, don't tell me that he…"

     "It's not as much the children as it is the parents" Merry said with a sigh. "Théo is fine, at least for the time being. Estella and I however…"

     "Are you fighting?" Pippin asked.

     "Actually we're not speaking" Merry said. "Or we weren't… we broke the silence to fight a little."

     "Oh I'm sorry…" Pippin said. "It's the stress of having the children sick! At least Diamond and I only have one to worry about, but with two…"

     "No, it's not that" Merry said. "She blames me for all this."

     "She does not."

     "Yes she does" Merry said with a sigh. "And at the moment I am ordered to stay away from the nursery."

     "Whatever she's said…" Pippin said, "she did not mean it. I know I once called Diamond a toad when we were arguing, she was pretty mad at me, but she knew I didn't mean it. None of us have slept or ate much, and we're all so worried about the little ones! It makes us say and do thing we wouldn't otherwise."

     "No Pip, she blames me" Merry said. "And I don't blame her…"

     "Enough with the blame" Pippin said softly. "Listen, why don't you and Éowyn come with me back to Faramir's nursery? I could really use some company, Diamond has not slept much at all and needs to get some rest, and it would be so much easier for me to have you there. Even though we're in the same hole it feels like we're miles apart. I'm not used to being so far from you during a crisis."

     "I'm sorry" Merry said. "I wish I could be there for you more. But the children--"

     "They come first" Pippin said. "I know. I feel the same way. But come with me now, give Estella some room and time to calm herself, everything will look brighter in the morning!"

     "I do wonder…" Merry said. "What if the morning only brings more darkness?"

     "Come now" Pippin said. "Don't talk like that. The dawning will break, be sure of it. Come with me now…"

     Merry obediently followed Pippin to Faramir's nursery, where they found Diamond passed out on a small sofa. Pippin gently lifted Faramir up, careful not to wake Diamond up, and together with Merry left the nursery.

Pippin awoke to a badly aching head the next morning, and quickly discovered that his throat wasn't doing much better than his head. He carefully opened his eyes, squinting at the bright lights in the room, and felt glad to find Merry next to him in the bed. Between them slept Éowyn and Faramir, looking so peaceful that Pippin had a terrified moment before he had felt their breaths against his hands and was sure that they were still alive.

     Merry groaned next to him and reluctantly opened his eyes. He looked as bad as Pippin felt, and the two shared a look and a sigh. This was definitely not what they needed.

     "I hope Estella's feeling as bad as I am" Merry mumbled. "That's the only excuse I'll accept for not coming to see where her daughter is!"

     "Maybe she did come by but didn't want to wake us?" Pippin suggested.

     "No… She would have taken Éowyn with her."

     There was a knock on the door and Pippin mumbled something that sounded like "enter". The door opened and one of the Hobbits hired to work in the orchard during harvesting entered, not so cleverly disguising his surprise of finding Merry in the bed with Pippin instead of Diamond. Pippin struggled to remember the name of the Hobbit, but all he knew was that they had asked him to do their stable chores until the children got better. Apparently something was wrong out in the stables, but as long as it hadn't burned to the ground Pippin didn't care. He was not going to get out of bed and stick his nose out the door no matter what was wrong.

     "Master Pippin…" the Hobbit said hesitantly.

     "Yes" Pippin mumbled.

     "Master Pippin… Are you all right? Master Merry?"

     "What's wrong out in the stables?" Merry asked with much more patience in his voice than Pippin would have been able to muster.

     "Everything is fine" the answer came. "But the brown cow with the white ears is not giving any more milk. I just thought I should report that."

     "Good. Thank you" Merry said.

     "Is everything okay?" the worried voice asked. "Where is Madam Diamond?"

     "Go look in the nursery, I think she's still asleep there" Pippin mumbled. "Merry won't you get out of bed and fix a nice brew for your favourite cousin?"

     Merry groaned and didn't move for a while. Then he sat up and rubbed his eyes, and got out of bed carefully, trying not to wake the children who were still asleep. He yawned big and noticed that the Hobbit was still standing in the doorway.

     "Was there anything else, Dergo?" he asked.

     "Dergo…" came a mumble from Pippin. "I knew I could come up with the name…"

     "Master Merry, are you sure you're okay?" Dergo asked, seeming unsure of which foot to stand on. "Can I get you anything?"

     "Thank you, that's very kind, but we're just tired…" Merry said, although he wasn't feeling a bit better than Pippin. "Éowyn and I were up for a very long time tonight, her throat is very soar, and then Faramir woke up as well… I haven't slept much. But they're both asleep now, I shall be getting some rest too."

     "That's why they're sleeping so peacefully now…" Pippin realised and buried his face in his pillow hoping to block out the bright lights. "Why didn't you wake me?"

     "It was nothing I couldn't handle alone" Merry said. "Dergo, thanks, you're a great help with the animals. You can go home now if everything is finished out there."

     Dergo nodded and left, not the least bit convinced that it was only fatigue that was wrong with Merry. Pippin went back to sleep and Merry stumbled off to cook something up which would help himself and Pippin. They couldn't afford to be sick now, the children needed them. They had to stay on their feet. He looked through his herbs and made a stronger brew for himself and Pippin than he had for the children. Regardless of what happened they would have to stay on their feet and take care of their sick children, but with this brew it would at least be a little easier. Merry hoped Estella and Diamond were feeling better than himself and Pippin, it would be much easier if they were feeling well.

     Pippin was not happy about being woken up again when Merry returned to give him the brew. He was barely aware that he was drinking anything and went right back to sleep once his mug was empty. Merry decided to leave Éowyn where she was, he didn't want to wake her up now that she was finally sleeping, and he trusted Pippin to be able to look after her once she woke up. He went back to the nursery to check on Théodoc, and found him asleep in his bed. Estella was sitting next to him on a chair, looking ready to fall asleep at any moment.

     "Hey…" Merry said softly.

     "So there you are" she said, managing to sound mad in the middle of her fatigue. "I've been up all night waiting for you to come back so I could go and get some sleep!"

     "Go now" Merry said, not feeling up to fighting with her. "I will stay and sit by him. You go and get some sleep."

     "Where's Éowyn?"

     "She's in good hands, don't you worry."

     "In other words Pippin, and I do worry" Estella snarled and got on her feet.

      "Leave Pippin out of this…" Merry said and sunk down in the chair she had been sitting in. "Éowyn is fine. I promise. Go to bed."

     Estella strode off, and with a sigh Merry wondered for how long she was going to pick a fight with him every time either one of them opened their mouth. She hadn't looked like she was feeling much better than he did, but apparently she still had the energy to be angry with him. At least that was something, it was when she had no energy to do anything at all he would have to start to worry about her.

     Merry placed his hand on Théodoc's forehead but he couldn't tell if his fever had gone up or down. At least the boy was still breathing, and seemed to be sleeping peacefully at the moment. Merry knew he could use a whole lot more sleep himself, but he couldn't even let himself think about it until the children were feeling better. Not that he believed Théodoc would die if he lowered his guard and went to sleep, but it seemed as if Estella did and the last thing he needed was to fight with her again.

     Merry leaned his upper body on the bed, fixating his eyes on Théodoc and hoping he would be able to stay awake. Théo didn't seem to be doing any better, it had been five days now and no improvement. A fear was growing in Merry's heart, he was beginning to realise that he was in a great risk of getting to experience what it was like to lose a child. He could not imagine what that would be like, he didn't want to know. His little son had done no wrong, he didn't deserve to die like this, and Merry wished with all his might that the lad would pull through. He wondered how Estella would react if Théodoc didn't make it. Would she ever be able to look at Merry the same way again? Would that be the end of her love for him? Up until now, Merry hadn't believed that anything could end his and Estella's love, but the loss of a child, especially when Merry was to blame, could very well put and end to all the wonderful things he and Estella had shared over the past years. He would love Estella no matter what happened, but he doubted that she would be able to love him. He wondered if he would be able to still love her if Théodoc's possible death was her fault.

     He looked at his son and begged silently. He begged for his son's life, trying desperately to fight the feeling that it was slipping away from him. If Théodoc died Merry didn't know what he was going to do.

"Merry!"

     Merry was shaken awake by a familiar hand and a familiar voice, and he awoke with a start. He had fallen asleep, he had let his guard down and fallen asleep with his head resting right by his son, who still slept his feverish sleep.

     "Meriadoc!"

     "Théodoc!" Merry exclaimed, and quickly made sure the lad was breathing. His heart was in his throat, he could not believe he had been so careless as to fall asleep.

     "Meriadoc. You should get to bed."

     "No, I cannot sleep" Merry mumbled and grabbed a cloth to place on the child's forehead. "He is ill!"

     "It is all-right… Théodoc is fine. You need to sleep."

     It was his father's voice, and his father's hand resting on his shoulder, his father who had woken him up. Merry did not know why he was there, but the familiar voice sounded so comforting and calming it made his eyes tear. For a second he wished he was a little lad again, who could just curl up in his bed and be taken care of by his parents. But that thought passed in an instant, he was grown up and he had his own little son who needed his attention. He was furious with himself for having fallen asleep, and he didn't wish to know what Estella would say.

     "Meriadoc, get into bed" Saradoc Brandybuck said. "You have a fever. You need to rest. Théodoc is in good hands."

     "I cannot…"

     "You can, and you will." Saradoc said. "Dergo Proudfoot came to the Hall and told us of your condition. I am worried about you. You must get into bed. Go and rest and regain your strength, your son and daughter will be in good hands!"

     "Éowyn…" Merry mumbled. "She's still with Pippin!"

     "I thought so" Saradoc said. "I didn't find her here or with Estella. I shall go have a look and see how Pippin is feeling once I've gotten you into bed. His wife seems to be the only one still feeling reasonably well, but she cannot tend to three sick children and as many adults on her own!"

     "Father, I… I must stay by his side!"

     "He is your son, and you are worried" Saradoc said. "You are my son, and I am also worried. I will not have you sit here and only make your own condition worse!"

     "Nonsense father" Merry mumbled. "It is nothing I can't handle. Théo is just a little child, he needs care and I am his father, I cannot leave his side!"

     "You trust me to look after him properly, don't you?" Saradoc said. "I have come to help you, and help you I shall. You need and deserve to be taken care of son, go lie down in your own bed and I shall bring you something to help make you feel better."

     "No…" Merry said. "Five days has he been ill now. Father I fear he won't recover. I cannot just leave him and go lie down in my own bed, I don't care about my needs, nothing matters as long as he is in danger of dying!"

     "You can be of no aid to him when you are as sick as he is" Saradoc calmly insisted. "Meriadoc, my son, I will see to it that Théodoc is taken care of as good as he possibly could be. And do not give up hope just yet, you are a remarkably strong Hobbit and he is your son. Has he got only half of your strength then I would give him another day or two before I give up hope. Now for the last time, get into your own bed and get some rest. I promise I will wake you up if anything happens."

     Saradoc then more or less lifted Merry from his chair and once he was on his feet Merry realised that he was indeed feeling much worse than he had thought. The room was spinning around him and every breath was painful. He leaned heavily on his father, realising that he was indeed right and there was nothing that he could do for his son in his current condition that his father couldn't do ten times better. With the help of his father he slowly made his way to his and Estella's bedroom, where Estella was lying in bed, awake but not feeling well at all.

     Saradoc sat Merry down on the bed and undressed him, then he helped him get into bed and tucked him in as if he had been five years old. Merry was surprised to see his mother enter, handing a mug over to Estella who managed to sit up in bed. It hadn't occurred to him that if his father was there his mother might very well have come too.

     "Here's your tea, love…" Esmeralda Brandybuck said to her daughter-in-law, and then she turned her attention to her son. "Merry! How are you feeling?"

     "Under the weather" Saradoc replied in his son's place. "But far from willing to leave his son's bedside. Had it not been for the fact that he will soon faint unless he gets something to eat and drink shortly followed by a long sleep, I don't think I would have been able to pull him from Théodoc's side."

     "Let me go see how the poor darling is doing" Esmeralda said and hurried off to check on her grandson.

     Saradoc left to go get Merry some soup, and Merry glanced over at Estella who was quietly sipping her tea. The look on her face was less than friendly, but she seemed to be grateful that her parents-in-law had come to take on some of her heavy burden. Merry didn't say anything to her, he wished to keep from fighting with her, but he was glad to see that she was being taken care of. He didn't care much for his own condition, since he was the one who had brought the flue to the hole it was only fair that he would spend all his energy on the children he had given the flue to, never mind his own condition, but Estella had nothing to do with their illness and deserved to be taken care of.

     When Saradoc returned with some soup for Merry, Estella's tea was already finished and she had fallen asleep. Merry thanked his father and obediently ate some of the soup, even though he didn't feel up to it. He then laid down and sighed deeply, wishing there was something more he could do. His father, who was sitting in Merry's favourite wicker chair which he had pulled up to the bed, placed his hand on his son's forehead and looked concerned.

     "Rest now, Meriadoc" he said. "You much need it."

     "I can't afford to rest" Merry said. "Where is Éowyn?"

     "Your mother has just brought her back to the nursery" Saradoc told him. "Pippin is not doing much better than you are, but at least Diamond is still feeling okay and is taking care of him and the baby. You need to rest now. Mother and I are here, and we're not going anywhere. We will keep your children under observation, don't you worry about a thing! All you need to worry about is yourself…"

     "No" Merry said, shaking his head. "They're my children!"

     "And you are ours. Meriadoc… Remember that what you feel when you look at Éowyn and Théodoc is what Mother and I feel when we look at you. And all your worries and concerns for your children are Esmeralda's and mine for you. And we love our grandchildren, they will find comfort and love in us until you and your wife are able to take care of them yourselves. Now rest son, please."

     "All right…" Merry said, finally giving way for how tired he was. "But only for a little wile."

     Moments later he was asleep, for the first time in nearly a week setting his worries aside and allowing himself to rest. His parents were there, he knew they would take good care of his children and wake him up if something was wrong.

Merry had only intended on sleeping for a little while, but the flue had gotten a firm hold of him, and for the following three days he was barely aware of what was going on around him. He was vaguely aware that Estella was with him, and that Pippin was not. Whenever he awoke from his sleep one of his parents was right by his side, giving him something to easen the aching head and throat, some soup to eat or some water to drink. Neither one of them ever mentioned Théodoc or Éowyn, easening Merry's worries for them since he would have been told if either one of them got any worse.

     In his feverishly sleep, Merry found himself back in Rohan, sitting by king Théoden, riding with Dernhelm, facing the Witch King and a dozen other fears, often tossing and turning in his sleep and waking his wife up much more often than he was aware of. Whenever his nightmares were too bad he would wake up from them, panting and sweating worse than from just the fever, and often finding his mother's comforting arms around him or his father's comforting reassurances that everything was fine. Often in his sleep he would call out for Pippin, or mumble the names of the members of the fellowship or the humans he held dear. Nobody whose name he said ever came, the only one close enough was Pippin who was sleeping his own fever sleep in his own bedroom, so close but yet so far away.

     On the evening on the third night after Saradoc and Esmeralda had come to Crickhollow, Merry for the first time felt better. He managed to sit up in bed and eat his soup, and was for the first time aware of what he was doing. The previous days were just one huge mixture of dream and feverish reality in his memory, and he could not for the life of him recall what had been for real and what had been merely a dream. But now he was feeling better and even though he was tired and very weak he was at least feeling a bit hungry again. His mother gave him a soup made mainly out of potatoes, which she claimed was the best thing for him to eat, and he hungrily ate his whole serving before lying back down again. He glanced over at the other side of the bed and to his surprise found Pippin there instead of Estella.

     "Pip?" he said, causing his mother to laugh at the surprised tone in his voice.

     "You have no idea how comforting it was to hear you say that you were hungry" Pippin told him, smiling weakly. "By now I've learned that when you complain about your hunger you have defeated your illness."

     "What are you doing here?" Merry asked.

     "Estella was feeling better last night" Esmeralda told him. "She wanted to get out of bed and be with the little ones. Your father and I helped move Pippin over here so we could keep an eye on you both, and take some of the burden off Diamond's shoulders. Pippin was feeling a lot better this morning, weren't you Pippin?"

     "Indeed I was" Pippin said. "Isn't it amazing what the loving care of your aunt and uncle can do?"

     "The little ones" Merry mumbled, having ceased to listen after the mentioning of the children. He turned to his mother. "How are Éowyn and Théodoc?"

     "Much better" Esmeralda said with a warm smile. "Didn't Father tell you? They're your children, and as such they have much more strength than what one might think. Éowyn was doing much better the same night we came, and her little brother's fever went down the next morning. He is now nursing again, and Estella has hardly let her out of her arms since she got to him last night. They will both be fine."

     "What about Faramir?" Pippin asked, nudging his cousin. "Don't you want to know how my son is doing, Merry?"

     "He is doing just fine as well" Esmeralda said. "Pippin just likes to hear me say it, that's why he wants you to ask."

      "Tell me about Théodoc again" Merry said, a smile forming on his lips. "Is he really doing all right?"

     "He's recovering fast."

     "How long have I been in bed?" Merry asked and yawned big. "I feel like I could sleep for another week…"

     "Father and I have now been here for three days" his mother told him. "And bless that Dergo Proudfoot for riding to Brandy Hall and telling us that he was mighty worried about you two! If Saradoc and I hadn't come I think your life would have been in greater risk than your son's."

     "It's going to take more than just the flue to take down old Merry" Pippin said and curled up in a foetal position. "And now that I have seen you eat and heard you talk, I shall be getting some more rest."

     "You should too" Esmeralda said to Merry. "I will not let you out of this bed for at least another day. Merry!"

     Merry had ignored his mother's comment on bed rest and already flung his legs over the side of the bed. He was a little unsure of whether or not he could stand on them, but he was determined to give it a try.

     "Did you hear what I said?" his mother asked and was immediately by his side trying to get him to lie down again. "You need your rest or you will only get sick again!"

     "I have to see my children" Merry said. "I cannot rest until I have seen that they're okay with my own eyes."

     "Then I shall bring them to you" Esmeralda said. "Lie back down and I will let you see Éowyn and Théodoc for a little while! And then you're going to sleep, this time without dreaming any bad dreams. Now do as your mother says!"

     Merry obediently laid back down and Esmeralda left the room to bring the children. She returned with Éowyn in her arms and Estella in tow. Estella was indeed unwilling to let Théodoc out of her arms, even for Merry to hold for a while, but at least he got to see his son and know that he was okay. Éowyn on the other hand crawled up in bed next to her father and placed her tiny little hand on his forehead to see if he had a fever, just like the grown-ups had done with her and she had seen her grandparents do with her father.

     "Are you feeling better, Da?" she asked.

     "Much better" Merry assured her. "How about you?"

     "Better" she told him. "Like you said I would."

     "Yes" Merry said. "And what about Mother? How is she doing?"

     "She's clingy" Éowyn said.

     Esmeralda laughed and lifted Éowyn up.

     "Come along now, sugar lump!" she said. "Give your father his rest."

     She left the room with Éowyn, followed by Estella and Théodoc. Merry relaxed a bit and thanked the powers that be that both his children had made it through. On the morning when his parents had arrived he had been ready to give up hope of Théodoc, but he was doing better now and everything would be fine. Perhaps now Estella would forgive him, even though she hadn't shown many signs of it just now. He missed her, and no matter how glad he was to have Pippin there with him he would rather have Estella there, snuggling with him and sharing thoughts in the night. He would have to sit down and talk with her as soon as he got better and see if they could work this out.

     Saradoc entered the room and sat down in the wicker chair, placing his hand on Merry's forehead.

     "Your fever has gone down" he said. "I'm happy to hear that you have been eating."

     "I'm still hungry" Merry admitted.

     "You will get as much food as you can eat in a day or two" Saradoc assured him. "But don't eat too much too fast or you will give yourself a stomach ache. I'm very happy to see that you're doing better."

     "You were right" Merry said. "I did need to rest. And Théodoc was safe in your care. I cannot begin to thank you and Mother."

     "Don't" his father said. "Just rest and get well again."

A few days later they were all seated in the sitting room except for Diamond who was the last one of the inhabitants at Crickhollow to get sick. Pippin was more than happy to take good care of her, feeling that he owed it to her to make sure she was as comfortable as could be. Not only because she had looked after both him and Faramir at the same time, but because he was feeling guilty. Diamond had been speaking lately about having a second child, but Pippin knew far too well that she would not be able to have one, still he wasn't able to tell her. He had asked Merry not to say anything to her, he had decided that it was better if she didn't know. Knowing would only make her sad, and it wouldn't change the truth, so Pippin had seen no point in telling her that she was barren. But now that she was talking about wanting a second child he was getting uneasy, since he had never lied to her before but now he pretended that he believed they could have another baby. Merry had joked that Pippin saw Diamond's illness as the perfect opportunity to rid himself of some guilt by fussing over her as much as he possibly could, and he had been closer to the truth than he would ever have guessed.

     At the time being however, Diamond was sleeping, and Pippin was enjoying an evening in front of the fireside with his aunt, uncle and Merry's family. He was comfortably seated in his favourite armchair with Faramir sleeping in his arms and enjoyed every moment of the evening as much as he possibly could.

     In the armchair opposite him Merry was seated, smoking his pipe and looking thoughtful. Estella was sitting on a stool by the fire and Esmeralda and Saradoc sat on the couch with a grandchild each in their lap. All three children were sleeping by now, and the grown-ups were speaking with soft voices careful not to wake the little ones up.

     "I must thank you again" Estella said to her parents-in-law. "I do not know what we would have done had you not showed up. I cannot express how grateful I am."

     "Do not thank us, dear. What else could we have done?" Esmeralda said. "As soon as we were told that Merry and Pippin had fallen ill as well we knew we had to come."

     "And if we hadn't I'm quite sure Merry would have nearly killed himself with all his hours running back and forth between sick children and herbs" Saradoc added.

     "Still worried about your mischievous son" Pippin laughed.

     "You will learn over the years to come" Saradoc said. "You do not just stop caring because your child grows up. From the moment your child is born you begin a lifelong concern for that child's safety and well-being. It's part of being a parent. And in most cases you're spared from finding out one day that your child is missing, vanished without a trace, and is not seen or heard from in over a year."

     "We're really sorry that we had to leave like that" Pippin said gently. "There was just no other way."

     "Then one day that child you had finally accepted was likely dead is once again standing before you, returning home as a proud warrior. I hope that you know Meriadoc that we are proud of you. And not just like every parent is proud of their child no matter what they do. If anybody has ever earned his mastership over Buckland it is you."

     "Thank you sir" Merry mumbled and looked away, trying to hide his blushing cheeks. He wasn't used to being praised by his parents this way, it made him a little uncomfortable. His eyes fell on Estella, who seemed to be occupied with her knitting. He wondered what she was thinking, surely she had no problem keeping from praising him.

     "Okay…" Pippin said and rose from his chair. "I think it's time to get this little lad into bed. He's drooling on my shoulder! Goodnight to you all…"

     "Pippin's right, it's time for **all** the children to go to bed" Esmeralda said. "Including ours."

     "Did your hear that, Merry?" Pippin said with a laugh. "Right now I sure am glad my mother is at the Smials"

     "Oh don't be glad just yet Peregrin, as often as you've been around you are like my son as well! And you are going straight to bed as well."

     "You heard her Pip" Merry said. Now it was his time to laugh. "And you know Mother… She will come tuck you in if you're not in bed on your own in five minutes."

     "I will check to see that you've gotten into bed after putting the little ones to sleep, I can assure you of that" Esmeralda said and rose with Éowyn.

     "Thank you again for taking such great care of them" Estella said and put her knitting down. "I truly don't know how to thank you!"

     "It is our pleasure" Esmeralda said. "We don't see enough of Éowyn and Théo… And you need your rest. Besides, they aren't the least bit of a bother. Théodoc is such a nice, calm child, and Éowyn…"

     "Éowyn is just one big bundle of joyous energy" Merry said with a chuckle.

     "And so were you" Esmeralda said with a smile.

     "Yes, you didn't earn the nickname Merry for nothing" Saradoc added.

     "I always thought that nickname was logical" Pippin said. "Meri-adoc."

     "Actually it was Frodo Baggins who first started to call you Merry" Saradoc said. "You were born shortly after his parents' tragic death. I don't think he was very fond of you at first, to be honest, he wasn't much for infants. But it only took him a day or two to fall in love with you, during the first years after his parents' death he spent most of his love and energy on you, as if it were therapy. And just like Éowyn you were always in a good mood, you were only a few weeks old when Frodo started to call you Merry."

     "And you never got rid of that nickname since" Esmeralda added. "Now hurry off to bed, both of you!"

     "Thanks mother" Merry said and obediently headed for his bedroom, followed by Estella. When they were alone in their bedroom he looked at her and sighed. "Estella?"

     "Yes?"

     "I know that you are mad at me…" he began. "I know you must hate me! I brought the flue to Crickhollow, I nearly killed our son, I got not only Éowyn and yourself but also Pippin and his family sick! But please… I cannot be hated by you, not when I love you so much, I cannot have you hate me, I do not blame you for anything that you're feeling, I blame **myself** for all of what has happened, but please… I just can't handle you hating me! No matter how much I deserve it, I cannot be hated by you!"

     "Merry…" Estella said and walked up to him, looking him in the eye. "I do not hate you! How could you think that? We would have gotten the flue sooner or later anyway, I do admit that a few days ago I was angry with you, but I'm not anymore. You could not have done anything any differently, but I have been selfish lately and wanted you to be at home more when other Hobbits have needed you. I didn't really see before, but now I do. You have been away a lot, but each time you have helped someone, like your parents have helped us. I do not know what would have happened if they hadn't helped us, and knowing that you've helped other families how can I hate you?"

     "So you're not mad?" Merry said, begging her for forgiveness with his eyes.

     "No, you fool of a Brandybuck!" she said and put her arms around him. "I'm not mad. And as for hatred, surely you must know that I could never hate you. I **love** you! Everything good and cheerful in my life is because of you. I could never hate you, no matter what happened." She gave him a loving kiss. "My merry husband…"

     "Thank you" he said. "I was terrified that you would never be able to forgive me."

     "The flue must have had you thinking crazy" Estella said. "There will always be fights, but there will also always be love."

     Relieved that she didn't hate him and that things were the way they should between them again, he put his arms around her and kissed her. She responded, and for a long, lovely minute they stood like that. Then they made their way to the bed, still kissing each other, and fell down on it.

Please leave a review and tell me what you think! 


	4. 1432

**Author's Note: I have a question! When I was browsing through fic.net and came across my own story, it said I had six reviews. I have received e-mail notifications for five, and only four actually show up when I click to see what the sixth review was! Does anyone know what is up with that? As for this chapter, I don't have much of an introduction. I have found it a bit peculiar that so far I haven't come across a fic which seems to deal with Merry becoming Master of the Hall and moving out of Crickhollow, so this is my own take of what Merry and Pippin (mainly Pippin) thought of it all.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill, I own nothing except for Merry's kids =)**

 "I just cannot believe that that day will soon be at hand" Pippin said and avoided Merry's eyes. "After all these years…"

     "It wasn't likely to happen much sooner, was it?" Merry said and kept his eyes on the field. They were preparing the fields for sowing the hay. "Actually I wouldn't have been surprised if it hadn't happened yet for several years!"

     "That's what I'm talking about" Pippin said, unable to focus on his chore. "I cannot believe it is going to happen so soon."

     "Father thinks it's perfect" Merry said. "I will be fifty this year, quite young for taking over the mastership of Buckland, but I think father is longing to step back."

     "I think he knows you've got the potential to be the best master Buckland has ever had" Pippin said and pulled his cape around him in the cold, misty morning. "He probably would have kept the title himself for another decade or so if you hadn't turned into a warrior and a local hero, not to mention greatly respected by two great human kings."

     "Mayhaps" Merry said. "If father thinks I'm ready to take on his title then I trust his judgement. It will be as he wishes."

     "But it is so soon" Pippin complained. "June is just around the corner!"

     "Not quite, Pippin" Merry said with a chuckle. "And don't just stand there with your cape wrapped around you, there's work that needs to be done! A little physical labour will warm you up better than that cape."

     "I should have worn my Elf cape."

     "In this mist I wouldn't have been able to spot you at all" Merry commented. "Now start working, the fields won't do the farming themselves!"

     Pippin half-heartedly continued the work which he had always found pleasant in the past, especially at Crickhollow. But this year there was no joy in it, Pippin hadn't found joy in many things at all during the short days which had passed since his uncle Saradoc had announced that Merry would be made the new Master of Buckland on Midsummer's Eve. For Pippin the titles he and Merry would one day come to inherit were merely fancy things to add to your name when you were introduced to someone, it hadn't occurred to him until this early spring that he would actually one day be the Thain, as Merry would be the Master of Buckland. But now it was suddenly so real, on Midsummer's Eve Merry would become the Master. It was no longer a distant future, it was lurking just around the corner.

     And with that realisation had come one which had hit Pippin like a ton of bricks. Merry would be moving. The Master of Brandy Hall could not be living at Crickhollow, Merry would have to move to the Hall when the title fell upon him. Pippin had pictured himself and Merry living at Crickhollow with their wives and growing families for the rest of their lives, Crickhollow was the place Pippin saw their children being born and grow up, and the place where he saw himself and Merry growing old. Suddenly his whole image of the future had been shattered, Merry was leaving Crickhollow and Pippin realised he would be doing the same in a matter of years. The thought filled Pippin with sadness and made him wish he could freeze time forever.

     When Merry left, Pippin knew that _home_ would leave as well. Crickhollow had been his home from the day he had first settled there, but now it would no longer be. It was not a home without his cousin. Pippin felt he would never find _home_ again, for he would be growing old at the Great Smials, even further away from Merry, and even though the Smials was where he had grown up it would never be his home again. Home was where Merry was, he could not picture spending as much as a day without him, the mere thought of it made Pippin want to throw his hack on the fields and just sit down on the ground and bury his face in his hands. But he knew it was no use, it wouldn't change anything.

     He continued working on the fields, feeling none of the joy he had done before. What was the fun in sowing the hay when Merry wouldn't be there to reap it with him? What was the point? What was the point in growing crops to feed the animals over the winter when Merry wouldn't be there to help him take care of the animals and go out to the stables with him every day? And how empty would the winter nights be when Merry was gone? Never again would Pippin sit by the fireside each winter night together with Merry, talking to Estella and Diamond and drinking Merry's hot cider. Never again would he get to sing Éowyn to sleep, compare Faramir's growth to Théodoc's or even fall asleep by the fireside with his head resting on Merry's shoulder. The winter, and the future, seemed so dark and empty to Pippin now.

     It didn't matter much to Pippin that Merry wouldn't be very far away. Brandy Hall might as well have been on the other side of Mount Doom. Pippin knew he would still get to see Merry, but it wouldn't be the same. Pippin would miss the early morning breakfasts, the work on the fields and in the orchards together, the evenings by the fireside, the everyday life. And more than anything else he would miss being able to talk to Merry, listen to Merry, see Merry at any time he wanted. Merry was as much a part of Pippin's life as the air he breathed, and if he could have chosen he would have rather had the air move to Brandy Hall.

     Midsummer's Eve seemed way too soon, no matter what Merry said. Merry had taken his father's news with much more calmness than Pippin, having half expected it ever since his father's comment six months earlier that Merry was well worthy of being the Master. And Merry had known all along that life at Crickhollow wouldn't last forever, sooner or later he and Pippin would be forced by the law of heritage to go back to their childhood homes and take on the responsibilities that had been waiting for them since the day they were born. Unlike Pippin, Merry always planned realistically ahead, and had been fully aware that Crickhollow would only be a temporary home.

     Merry looked up from his task and glanced at Pippin. Pippin really made out a sad figure on this cold, grey morning, standing there in the mist with his old cape wrapped around him and the saddest look on his face imaginable. Somewhere deep down Merry knew what was bothering his cousin, but it was as if he wouldn't realise it or acknowledge the fact that Pippin most likely hadn't thought of either one of them having to leave Crickhollow other than to their graves. Merry's mind at the time only told him that it was the weather which had such an affect on Pippin, and with a laugh he told him to go back inside and play with Faramir instead of just standing out there in the fields, looking at the earth as if it were a treasure that would soon be taken from him.

     "No" Pippin said. "I will stay. I'm sorry I'm not helping you out much." He lifted his hack and started to mechanically work again. "I'll stay out here and work with you… We should be doing this together."

June came far too quickly for Pippin's taste. The Shire was in it's finest, everywhere you looked the grass was green, the flowers were blooming and the sky seemed to be shining blue almost every day. But Pippin saw none of that, it might as well have been grey and foggy every day, as it had been the morning out in the fields when he and Merry had discussed Merry's upcoming title.

     Crickhollow was already starting to feel less like a home, Estella was busy packing down everything she thought she might need at Brandy Hall, running back and forth down every hall as filled with energy as ever. Merry had laughingly told her that she only needed to bring her clothes and personal belongings, there would most likely be spatulas, frying pans and sowing needles at Brandy Hall.

     Pippin made sure to stay out of the way when Estella was packing. He hated seeing her pack things down, things like the wooden horse Merry had carved for her or Merry's winter clothes. All the things she packed felt as much Pippin's as the things Diamond owned, for they had been in Pippin's home for years now and was such a big part of it. Crickhollow had been more than the shared home of two married couples, it had been the home of four friends who shared everyday life and worked together. Now it would be just Pippin, Diamond and Faramir, and Crickhollow was far too big for just the three of them. Funny, since it hadn't felt a bit too big when it was only himself and Merry.

     Soon preparations were being made for the great party that would be held at Brandy Hall on Midsummer's Eve. Merry was often away now, his father was going through his upcoming responsibilities with him at Brandy Hall for a few hours each day. Pippin didn't complain out loud, but he wished they could have their little talks at Crickhollow instead of Brandy Hall, or better yet wait until Merry had moved. Saradoc would be having him around all the time pretty soon anyway, Pippin wished he could just let Merry stay where Pippin felt he belonged and enjoy the short time that was left.

     He didn't breathe as much as a word about what he was feeling to Merry, he didn't want their last time together at Crickhollow to be sad. He wanted them to laugh and have fun, not talk about sad things. And more importantly, Pippin didn't want Merry to think he wasn't happy for him, because he was indeed happy that his friend would be the Master of Buckland. Merry deserved every title he could get, and there wasn't a doubt in Pippin's mind that Merry wouldn't do a fabulous job with his new responsibilities. He couldn't allow himself to bring Merry down by being selfish, he knew he would talk to Merry sooner or later but he was determined to wait for a month or so and allow Merry to settle in at Brandy Hall. He knew that the move wasn't easy for his cousin, he loved Crickhollow as much as Pippin did and Pippin knew Merry hated when they were parted as well. No, Pippin was not going to voice any of his worries or sorrows to Merry.

Only two days before Midsummer's Eve Pippin was alone in the stables, grooming his pony Fox. The stable doors were open, letting the warm summer breeze in, but Pippin felt like it was as cold as winter.

     "Well Foxie…" he said. "Looks like Midsummer's going to come after all. Apparently you can't wish for days not to come and have your wish come true…"

     He gave the pony a pat on the neck and then his eyes fell on Raven. Raven was Merry's riding pony, a well-tempered black animal who was as dear to Merry as the chestnut pony Fox was to Pippin. The two ponies had their stalls next to each other and when they were out in the enclosed pastures they always stood right next to each other. It suddenly dawned on Pippin that when his master left, Raven would leave as well. There was no way Merry would leave his beloved pony at Crickhollow when he left, and Pippin found himself tearing up. He leaned against Fox and glared at Merry's pony.

     "So you'll be leaving soon, huh Raven?" he said. "I'll miss you… The stable won't be the same without you. So empty… I've gotten so used to seeing you here, or out in the pastures, it's going to be weird having you gone. Empty, that's what it will be. Empty coming in here every morning and only finding Fox, not you."

     "Don't tell me you're going to cry over the pony" Merry said, startling Pippin who hadn't heard him enter.

     Merry entered Raven's stall and gave him some sugar. The pony's soft muzzle against his hand was a well known feeling, Raven knew he could often find some goodies in his master's hand, and Merry gently stroke the horse's face while talking.

     "As much as Raven likes you, I don't think he will shed any tears for you. So don't bother shedding any for him."

     "It will be hard on Fox when Raven leaves" Pippin mumbled and looked at his own pony instead of Merry's, afraid of looking into his cousin's eyes. "Fox is used to having him around… He will be lonely without Raven in the next stall."

     "I think he'll manage" Merry said. "Fox is stronger than you might give him credit for being… He will be just fine."

     "Will he?" Pippin asked, no longer talking about the pony but completely unaware that Merry knew it. "They're old friends, they've hardly ever been apart."

     "They will still see each other" Merry said. "Raven and I will ride over and visit all the time, or try to lure you two out on a long gallop over the lands."

     "You say that now, but you know it won't be that way" Pippin said. "You will be busy, you won't have time to ride over all the time."

     "I will make time" Merry said. "And while I go inside to join you for a third breakfast Raven and Fox can graze together. And when we ride to the inn to have ourselves a few mugs of ale, the ponies can enjoy each other's company at the stables there. It will be fine…"

     "But not the same" Pippin said.

     "Do you remember the night Éowyn was born?" Merry asked.

     "Yes."

     "We were in these stables for most parts of that night."

     "We had a calf being born" Pippin said. "I remember."

     "We talked that night about things not being the same once the baby was born. Do you remember that?"

     "Yes I do."

     "I remember we talked about change. Change is not always a bad thing. Just because things aren't the same it doesn't mean they will be bad. Things aren't the same now as they were before Éowyn was born, but they're definitely better. It won't be the same for Fox when Raven leaves, but things won't have to be bad just because of it. And Fox still has King and Strong and Diamond's pony."

     "What about Raven?" Pippin asked. "Won't he be lonely without Fox?"

     "He will never find a better friend than Fox" Merry said. "But I think he will do just fine anyway. He's not losing Fox, he's just not going to be in the same stable anymore."

     Pippin didn't reply and Merry didn't say anything else. Pippin wished he could talk openly with Merry about what was really bothering him, but nothing had changed, he was still determined to keep his sadness to himself for the nearest future. Merry gave Pippin some room to ponder his thoughts for a while and then spoke up again.

     "What do you say we take these lads out for a ride, huh Pip?"

     A grin slowly appeared on Pippin's face. Merry and he hadn't been out riding much lately, Pippin had missed that more than he had realised until now. Going out for a ride sounded like the best idea he had heard in a long time, and he told Merry so.

     "Ah, when are my ideas ever bad ideas Pip?" Merry laughed. "Let's go get the reins and then we can be out of here. What do you say we ride to the meadow by the Brandywine bridge?"

     "Splendid idea" Pippin said and followed Merry to get the reins and saddles. "That meadow is perfect for a good gallop."

     "Perhaps we can find some wild flowers to pick for our wives" Merry suggested.

     "Or some wild cherries to eat!"

     "There are no cherries yet, Pip" Merry laughed. "But if you want to look for them then go ahead, I shall help you out. Speaking of food, shall we go inside and get a packed lunch, or should we just stop by the nearest inn?"

     "Nearest inn" Pippin decided with a huge grin. If Merry had food on his mind they were going to be out riding for quite a while, and the longer the better as far as Pippin was concerned.

     "Okay then" Merry said. "Nearest inn it is. I tell you what, once we get out on that meadow I will race you to the Brandywine. The loser has to buy the winner a half-pint."

     "You're going to lose, dearest cousin" Pippin said. "Nobody can win over me when ale is at stake!"

     They quickly got the ponies ready and led them out the stables into the summer day, which suddenly seemed so warm and green to Pippin. He mounted his pony and let out a happy sigh as he gazed over the lands, for the first time this summer enjoying the surroundings. Merry sat up on his pony as well, and took the lead off toward the meadow. Pippin didn't know it, but Merry had been very well aware that it wasn't the ponies that was bothering Pippin. However he had decided it was better to let Pippin talk in metaphors and act along with it, since Pippin probably had a reason for not speaking his worries openly. However maybe a long ride on the meadow and some good food and ale would change his mind and make him open up a little.

Midsummer's Eve eventually came, much to Pippin's dismay. It was with a lump in his throat that he road to Brandy Hall next to Merry who was driving the carriage with his, Estella's and the children's things. Estella was sitting on the carriage with Merry and Diamond rode side by side with Pippin, having left Faramir in Estella's care on the carriage. Pippin didn't look back at Crickhollow when they left, but he noticed that Merry did. For Merry it was goodbye to a home, for Pippin it was too, the only difference being that he would return there the next day. Return to the hole, but never again to the home.

     The company was unusually silent on their way to Brandy Hall, all four adults knowing that this short trip was their last together as a family. No one seemed to have any words fitting for the occasion, neither one of them wanted to be sad but they all knew that it was no time for jests and laughs.

     Brandy Hall came into view far too quickly, and Pippin was surprised to see all the preparations that had been made for the party. It was like a smaller version of Bilbo's 111th birthday celebration, a party which was only vague in Pippin's memory. It was clear that the Brandybucks planned to celebrate their hero's return to the Hall and becoming Master. The children, who had been asleep on the way over, were woken by the sound of Hobbits running around everywhere making party preparations. All three children stared with eyes as round as plates at the party in the making, they had never seen anything like it before.

     "Is all this just for you, da?" Théodoc asked in amazement.

     "It's for all of us" Merry said. "They're happy to have us move back to the Hall."

     "We've never lived at the Hall" Éowyn said. "Grama and Grapa live at the Hall."

     "We do too now" Estella reminded her. "From now on this is going to be our home, and they are happy that we're going to be living with them."

     They halted in front of the main entrance to Brandy Hall, immediately greeted by not only family members but all different sorts of Hobbits wanting to wish Merry welcome home. Before Merry had been able to breathe as much as a syllable the things on the cart were being carried inside by Hobbits living at Brandy Hall, and other Hobbits were rushing up to take care of the ponies.

     "Let me, Master Pippin!" one said and grabbed Fox' reins. Pippin ignored him and dismounted, immediately spotting his parents and sisters in the crowd.

     "I haven't seen so many Hobbits in one place in far too long" Diamond said and handed her reins over to a helpful Hobbit lad.

     Pippin mumbled something incoherent for an answer, but Diamond didn't care. She had gotten used to his odd behaviour lately, she knew what was bothering him and knew it was best to let it be. Sooner or later he would turn to her, until he did she would let him ignore her and act strange, she knew he didn't mean anything by it.

     Pippin saw his mother and sisters reach the cart and immediately begin to argue over who got to fuss over Faramir more. Faramir didn't have time for the attention, he was far too curious of what was going on around him to have the time to be fussed over by his grandmother and aunts. If it hadn't been for the sorrow in his heart, Pippin would have laughed at his son's efforts to get away from the four lasses to have a closer look at the party area.

     Through the crowd of Hobbits Pippin saw Merry helping Estella down from the cart, and Pippin's father talking to Merry's mother while taking Éowyn and Théodoc inside the Hall. It seemed as if everybody was busy doing something except for Pippin. His world was standing still and everybody else's seemed to be moving. And that was the problem, he had let his world stand still while the rest of the world kept on moving. It had left him completely unprepared for this moment which he should have realised was bound to come sooner or later.

     Soon he was scuffed inside for second breakfast, which he ate without knowing what he was eating. Hobbits were running around everywhere, and it was starting to annoy him. He had gotten used to the peace and quiet at Crickhollow where they hadn't even had any hired help living with them. Brandy Hall was so different with its many Hobbits living there and many guests running around everywhere. It was giving Pippin a headache, and he realised with a sigh that from now on he wouldn't be able to turn to Merry for something to cure an aching head.

     "Master Pippin!" a voice addressed him. Pippin recognised the Hobbit as one of the guards at the boarders of the Shire. "A letter has come for you."

     Pippin took the letter and mumbled a thanks. He opened it and eyed through it, then put it in his pocket. He gave up on trying to eat his second breakfast and decided to go rescue his son from the currently way too huge dose of womanly love from his family members. Maybe taking Faramir for a tour of the party area would help put his mind at ease a bit. He wanted to get acquainted with the surroundings before the party started, that way he would always know exactly where he was and it would be easier keeping track of Diamond, Merry and Estella. Normally the four always kept track of where the others were at parties, making it easier to make a quick exit when they decided to leave. Sadness filled Pippin's heart once again, he knew he would never again leave a party with Merry and Estella and ride home in the night, singing songs and laughingly talking about the night's events.

Pippin tried to listen to what his uncle was saying, but as much as he wanted to he somehow couldn't. Saradoc was in the middle of a long speech, in which he resigned from the position as Master of Buckland and introduced Merry as the new Master, and Pippin knew that this moment was important to Merry and that he should be listening carefully to every word. But he just couldn't bring himself to do it, to his ears it felt like the speech of doom. And uncle Saradoc was seemingly going on forever with his speech, Pippin made a silent vow to himself to keep Merry from giving an equally long speech when the time came for Théodoc to take over Buckland.

     Finally Saradoc seemed to be nearing an end to his speech, or at least the part that was about him resigning. One could never be sure if he intended to speak as long about Merry taking over as of himself resigning. Pippin hoped he wouldn't, surely not even the most interested Hobbit would be able to stay focused for that much longer.

     "… It is my honour and privilege to appoint the new Master of Buckland!" Saradoc said. "Especially to such a fine Hobbit! You all probably think I say that just because he is my son, but I can assure you that that is only **part** of my motivation for such a statement!"

     Pippin absent-mindedly played with the brooch to his cape, which would ever so often fall from its place. It would probably have been as immovable as Merry's or Sam's was if it hadn't been for Pippin once ripping it off his cape to leave behind as a sign for Strider, but now that it had once been torn off and not sowed back on by an Elf it would fall off every once in a while. Pippin found the brooch to be a good distraction for his hands while his uncle went on and on about the responsibilities of the Master of Buckland and other things which Pippin honestly didn't care about. Whatever the responsibilities were, Merry would be able to handle it, Pippin saw no point in boring everybody with details. He glanced over at Merry, who was seated to his father's left and Estella's right, and saw that his cousin seemed to be listening carefully to every word. Once again Pippin reminded himself that this was important to Merry, so he would pay attention. But it only took a minute before he was bored again.

     Estella, seated to Pippin's right, reached out her hand and grabbed the brooch Pippin was playing with without taking her eyes off her father-in-law. She had seen Pippin entertain himself with the brooch in the corner of her eye and it was starting to annoy her. Behind Pippin's back she reached out the brooch to Diamond, sitting on the other side of Pippin, who took the brooch for safe keeping until she could sow it back on the cape. Now that Pippin was without something to play with he tried once more to focus on his uncle's speech, which oddly enough seemed to be very interesting to everybody else.

     "… I know that you will be able to turn to your new Master with everything you've turned to me for…" Saradoc went on, making Pippin unsure of whether he was bragging about himself or Merry. Either way it was annoying.

     "Peregrin!" Diamond hissed in his ear. "Stop squirming! People are looking at you!"

     Pippin obediently sat as still as he could. He hadn't even noticed that he was squirming in his seat, but Diamond was right. People were probably looking at him, expecting to see a proud and happy look on his face, and he should give them what they wanted. He managed to smile, but he didn't know if it looked as fake as it felt or not.

     "… I shan't go on much longer" Saradoc said, to which Pippin had to keep himself from sighing with relief. "It is time for me to retire now, to sit down in my chair and let someone else stand up and make his voice heard."

     Pippin glanced over at Merry again, and he could have sworn his cousin was looking a bit nervous. At least he wouldn't have to worry about following his father's speech, Pippin thought. Anything shorter than ten minutes would top his father's eternity speech, no matter what Merry actually said in his.

     "It is an old tradition, dating back to when old Gormadoc became the first Master of Buckland and Brandy Hall, that the Master is known not only by his name but by an addition to that name. An addition which tells you something about the Hobbit in question."

     "Well said, Saradoc Scattergold" a voice was heard in the crowd, causing several guests to laugh.

     "I thank you" Saradoc said with a smile and bowed gracefully, earning more laughs from the crowd.

     "This speech is never going to come to an end, is it?" Pippin muttered, angrily shushed by Diamond and Estella.

     "The tradition lives on!" Saradoc said, continuing with his speech. "My son Meriadoc is not an exception. He too will be known not only by the name given to him at birth but by the name given to him by the Hobbits of Buckland! My dear Hobbits, it is an honour and a privilege to hereby announce that Saradoc Scattergold is no longer the Master of Buckland, but that the Master now goes by the name Meriadoc the Magnificent!"

     With that Saradoc made a last bow, this time directed to his stunned son, and sat down. Merry slowly rose, cheered by the Hobbits at the party, with a suiting blush on his face. He had known they would give him a name to go with his birth one, but it had been a surprise to him that the name was Magnificent. A surprise to him – but not to everybody else. He had been called by that name behind his back for well over two years now, and it had been only fitting that it would be the name to be written into his family tree.

     As he stood in front of what seemed to be the entire population of Buckland and waited for the cheering to end, he looked over at Pippin, meeting his cousin's eyes. This time the smile on Pippin's face was genuine and so were the cheers. The blush on Merry's cheeks disappeared and some of the pride with which Pippin saw his cousin came upon his face. He then glanced over at Estella and the blush returned, causing all who saw it to laugh.

     "I thank you" he finally said and bowed deeply, calling for silence and getting it. "I thank you all… My father and predecessor, Saradoc Scattergold, especially. Him and Peregrin Took, the old fool who is more magnificent than I could ever hope to be. I shan't make my speech as long as my father's, I have decades ahead of me to say all that I wish to say to you! At this time I only wish to thank you all, and to name my son, Théodoc Brandybuck, my heir to the mastership! He is unfortunately unable to be present, sleeping like a log somewhere inside no doubt, but I shall hope that you will embrace him like you have me! I thank you for the trust you put into me, and I hope I shan't let you down! My wife Estella and I would also like to thank all of you for giving us such a warm welcome back to Brandy Hall!"

     With one last bow, Merry lifted his half-pint and a huge "cheers" was heard from all around, then he took a drink from his mug and then sat down again. As soon as he was seated Pippin rose and bowed to him.

     "My dearest Master of the Hall, Master of Buckland or Master Meriadoc if you wish, I have been entrusted with something special for this occasion which I shan't delay! Much" he began. "Before I carry out my assigned duty this evening I would like to congratulate you on this joyous occasion. As all here know I have been known to be in your company from time to time--" A huge roar of laughter cut Pippin off, and he good-naturedly smiled and waited for the laughter to quiet down before he continued. "I have been known to spend time with you on occasion, some might even call me a friend of yours, and as such I wish to be the first to congratulate you! You shall be the finest Master Buckland has ever seen, for one who can talk with trees and stand up against an evil greater than anyone here could imagine can certainly handle a crowd of ever demanding Hobbits! Or at least so I've been told, as we all know I do not know you very well." He bowed once again and grinned, noticing Merry's laughter at his jesting words. "Now I shall take care of the task appointed to me this evening. I received a letter earlier today," he said and fished the letter from his pocket, "entrusting me with delivering the information I'm about to give you during this evening of celebration. It is a letter from the hand of the White Lady of Rohan herself, and her king, **your** king as you have sworn him your allegiance and thainship! A certain king of Gondor and Anor, or was it a mysterious ranger called Strider, also sent a letter which is for your eyes only, and mine once I get my hands on it again!"

     "Get on with it, Master Peregrin" Merry laughed, seeing how amused Pippin was at the moment and knowing that it was best to urge him on.

     "The White Lady, and the King of Rohan, wishes for you to know that they are saddened that they cannot be here tonight, and that it is only the law passed by Elessar King that keeps them. They have sent you gifts to be delivered tomorrow at high noon, and Éomer King says for you to know that he will not call upon your service for at least one more passing year, allowing you to focus on Buckland."

     With that Pippin bowed again and sat down. His part in the celebration was over.

"So…" Estella said late that night, standing in the doorway of hers and Merry's new bedroom. "This is home."

     "I must admit," Merry said, "that it is odd to suddenly be sleeping in the master bedroom. Seems like it should be my parents who sleep here."

     "I am so tired I could sleep in any room tonight" Estella said.

     "I hope you're not **too** tired" Merry said with a smile.

     "I guess it will take a few days…" Estella mumbled, not having heard Merry's comment. "To feel at home, I mean."

     "Come here… I'll make you feel at home!"

     She walked into his open arms and leaned her head against his chest. She was feeling so strange, both happy and sad, tired and awake… The laughter and cheers from the party were still ringing in her ears, her nose still felt the smoke from dozens of pipes and the wine she'd had to drink had made her a little tipsy. She could feel Merry's arms around her and soon his lips on her face, moving down toward her neck and shoulder.

     "Indeed it is strange…" she said. "This should feel like home."

     "One cannot simply move from one place to the other and feel like home instantly" Merry tried to comfort her.

     "When I left my parents' home to live with you at Crickhollow when we were married, I felt at home instantly."

     "You will feel at home here too, I promise you that you will! It's not at all like Crickhollow, but home it shall be for us. For as long as we live."

     Estella nodded thoughtfully. She knew he was right, it would feel like home sooner or later. Wherever he was, she was certain she would be able to feel at home. It was indeed strange how her life had changed since she'd met him on the night he last came back from Rohan. She smiled at the memory.

     "Did you know that there wasn't a lass out there who didn't envy me tonight?"

     "I'm quite sure Diamond didn't" Merry teased.

     "You know what I'm talking about… You were the most coveted bachelor in all of Buckland before we were married. There wasn't an unmarried lass who didn't wish to be the one to win your heart. Not only the master-to-be, but the one who liberated the Shire from its tyrants. You and Pippin had far more lasses lusting for you than you ever knew."

     "And Estella Bolger won them both over" Merry said. "Pippin first, and when Merry returned you quickly worked your charms at him."

     "Oh Merry, I was never intending for things to be that way" Estella said and looked at him. "Neither one of you were ever a trophy for me! I cared deeply about Pippin, but there was something different with you…"

     "I didn't mean it as an accusation" Merry said. "And the situation with you, me and Pip is solved, has been for a long time. But if Pip and I were as popular among the lasses as you claim, then you must have been held for some kind of heroine for charming us both!"

     "You obviously don't know much about lasses" Estella pointed out. Merry chuckled and went back to kissing her neck. Estella wrapped her arms around his and smiled. "Master of the Hall you are… How does it feel to be Meriadoc the Magnificent?"

     Merry's lips left her neck and he looked away with a blush on his face.

     "It feels as if I shouldn't be" he said.

     "Why?"

     "Magnificent… That's a very strong word! I have known magnificence! If they had seen all the things I've seen and known all the people I know they wouldn't hold me as magnificent. Compared to Gandalf, Strider, Frodo, dozens of others I am far from magnificent."

     "You have such disbelief in yourself" Estella said. "Magnificent you are, and bear the name with pride!"

     "I shall do my best to live up to it" Merry said. "People seem to think that Master of Buckland is just a title, something fancy to call yourself and which allows you to think highly of yourself and command others. But it is a huge responsibility and comes with a lot of work. And a lot of sacrifice…"

     "Worry not tonight" Estella said and stroke his cheek. "You will do fine, just as your father and cousin said! You have your father to help you if you need it, your uncle Palladin to consult with and your friend Samwise to share the responsibility with."

     "Sam is mayor of the Shire" Merry pointed out. "Buckland was not part of the Shire when that job was stated. Buckland is out of his territory."

     "Does that mean the two of you cannot help each other out?"

     "You're right…"

     "Of course I am. Now come to bed and put your worries aside for the night. There will be plenty of time for you to worry, you do not have to do so on this night, tonight is for your celebration."

     "Again you're right. I shouldn't worry so much… And I'll come to bed, if you will celebrate with me."

The next day things were chaotic at Brandy Hall. Everything that had been put up for the party was to be taken down, but there was some leftover food and ale which distracted most of the Hobbits. Quarrels could be heard all over the party area over who would get the steak and who would get the ale, and to whom did the pipe-weed really belong? It didn't take Merry long to realise that it was no use trying to get anything cleaned up during the treasure hunt for leftovers so he chose to leave it for the time being.

     Together with Pippin and Sam he took a stroll around the areas, keeping a watchful eye at the quarrelling Hobbits to make sure no debate got out of hand. Sam did most of the talking, going on and on about how the previous night had been and making comparisons to Bilbo's 111th birthday party. Pippin hardly spoke a word, walking around with a melancholy look on his face and his Elf cape folded over his arms as the brooch was still in Diamond's pocket.

     "It's not much longer until noon, Master Merry!" Sam said, taking a break from talking about the party.

     "Sam…" Merry said with a sigh. "Don't tell me we're back on the master thing again! I thought you'd learned by now that you should just call me Merry!"

     "With all due respect Master Merry, it ain't fitting!"

     "Why not?" Merry asked.

     "You know as well as I do, Master Merry! Me old Gaffer always said that you should treat those higher in status than you with respect. And you are the Master of Buckland now, it ain't fitting for a gardener to address you common!"

     "Don't be a fool, Sam" Merry said, slightly irritated. "You know as well as I do that I am no better than you just because I was born to a higher social status. Last night changes nothing, I refuse to be Master Merry with you because in contrary of what you say, **that** ain't fitting! I could be the king of the world and still be your friend, friends do not address each other with titles when talking to each other in private!"

     "It still ain't right."

     "For the last time, don't call me Master Merry to my face. It sounds horrible to hear you say it, I ask you not to title me!"

     "All right then" Sam said with a pout. "If that is your wish… But you know as well as I do that it's not fitting. Don't you agree, Pippin?"

     Pippin didn't reply, he hadn't even heard the discussion. Sam looked at him in surprise and gave him a nudge.

     "What?" Pippin mumbled.

     "Don't you agree with me?"

     "On what?"

     "Never mind Pippin, Sam" Merry said. "He's tired from last night's party. I know that he agrees with me on the matter anyway. And don't think I noticed that you didn't put a master in front of his name! And don't you ever start putting one there either, do you hear Samwise Gamgee? You agree with me, don't you Pip?"

     Pippin nodded, but didn't say anything else during the rest of their walk, no matter how hard Sam tried to get him to speak. Merry finally told Sam to leave Pippin alone, sensing that Pippin had no interest whatsoever in taking part of the discussion. Merry was worried about Pippin, he was acting more different than Merry would have expected. He knew it was going to be hard on his cousin, but he hadn't expected him to react this strongly.

     Right before noon the three friends had made their way back to Brandy Hall's main entrance, and they sat down on a bench to await the gifts Pippin had been told Merry was going to receive. Even Sam fell silent as they started puffing on their pipes, and they seemed oblivious to the commotion around them as they sat back and enjoyed the sunlight.

     Shortly after they had lit their pipes, a party of five ponies and as many Hobbits approached Brandy Hall. Each pony carried a large amount of gifts except for the one in the front, who was only carrying his saddle and reins. Each pony was being led by a Hobbit, even the one who still had room on his back for a rider.

     Merry, Pippin and Sam rose from their seats and their families came outside to see what was going on. The commotion seemed to stop entirely around them, everybody was busy staring at the ponies carrying such valuable gifts. The ponies reached the Hall and stopped, and the Hobbit leading the front pony took a step forward and bowed. He and his four companions all worked by the borders of Buckland to keep it safe from intruders, but had abandoned their posts for the time being.

     "These gifts have been sent to the Master of the Hall" the bowing Hobbit said. "We were instructed to load the gifts onto our own ponies and bring them to you at noon."

     Merry walked up to the party with amazement in his eyes, and to everybody's surprise seemed oblivious to the four beasts carrying such valuable gifts. He stopped in front of the lead pony, an animal who was clearly not a Shire pony but of a more noble breed. Merry stared at the animal with amazement and gently ran his hand up the pony's face.

     "Oh blessed Éowyn…" he said. "You remembered… All hail the White Lady of Rohan, never let it be said of her that she knows not what things are important. Oh Éowyn, I cannot believe that you sent me this gift, I didn't even know that you remembered what beast carried me before I rode on yours!"

     Estella looked at Pippin for an explanation, but Pippin was as surprised as all the others. He had never met the pony Merry rode on while in king Théoden's company.

     "Stybba…" Merry said. "Out of all the gifts she could have sent me, none could mean more than you!"

     "We were instructed not to load anything on this pony" the Hobbit who had been leading Stybba said. "We had trouble finding room for everything on our own ponies, but as you can see the pony sent to you as a gift carried only his saddle and reins."

     "You asked me once Estella what a mearas pony was." Merry said. "Now you are looking upon one. This is the pony Stybba, on Stybba's back I rode side by side with Théoden, king of Rohan. It surprises me that the lady Éowyn knew this, but it does not surprise me that she knew what kind of gift I would appreciate the most."

     "Speaking of gifts" Pippin said. "They weren't jesting when they said they would send great ones… Look at all of this!"

     "Stybba would be enough on my part," Merry said, "if it hadn't been for how I cherish anything that Éowyn took the time to send to me."

     "It wasn't just Éowyn" Pippin pointed out and walked up to the pony. "Éomer made sure his esquire received gifts worthy of a king!"

     "Would you and Sam mind bringing the gifts inside?" Merry asked. "Put them in my bedroom, would you please? I shall have a look at them later. I am busy at the moment saying hi to an old friend of mine!"

     "As you wish, Merry" Pippin said and together with Sam began to bring the quite heavy gifts inside.

     Merry took the opportunity given to him when all the Hobbits around him were watching him to make an effort with the party area.

     "The meadow behind us needs to be cleared up" he said. "Stybba is looking forward to galloping across it. If we get started now, things might be cleared up by tomorrow."

     "Let me handle this, Meriadoc" Saradoc said. "You go for a ride on your new pony, the finest pony I have ever seen I might add."

     "And yet for a mearas he is quite shabby" Pippin commented, grabbing another pack from the back of one of the ponies.

     "Peregrin" his father said angrily, but Merry just laughed.

     "Shabby he might be, but that is all in order. I myself am pretty shabby in comparison to the masters he has left behind in Rohan. I shall gladly take your offer father, and go for a ride with Stybba. A nice gallop along the Brandywine could do us both good."

     "Very well then" Saradoc said.

     Merry grabbed the reins and sat up in the saddle, barely noticing how fine the quality of it was, and leaned forward to give Stybba a pat on the neck. Estella looked at the pony nervously, not finding it nearly as wonderful as Merry did. A horse bred and trained by humans made her nervous, she had never thought of the big people as good horsemen.

     "Be careful, Merry" she said.

     "Do not worry, Estella" he replied with a smile. "The people of Rohan are the finest horsemen I have ever come across! They breed and train their animals well, you can be assured that I am safe on Stybba's back."

     Estella didn't look convinced, but she didn't say anything else. Merry turned the pony around and rode in the direction of his favourite meadow, enjoying the feeling of being back in Stybba's saddle. He had grown more attached to the pony than he'd even realised during the War, but it was not only the pony itself which mattered to him. Stybba was a gift from Éowyn which felt as much as a gift from Théoden, and that meant more to Merry than he could even say. He had a strong suspicion that Éowyn had known this, and known that no matter what she sent in gold or valuables, there was nothing that could top a gift like Stybba.

     When he reached the meadow Merry quickened the pace and soon he and Stybba were galloping over the lands, faster than Merry ever had with Raven, and if he closed his eyes he could let himself believe that he was riding over the fields of Rohan together with Éowyn, as he had the last time he had gone to serve Éomer. He could feel tears falling down his cheeks, whether they were of joy or caused by the wind he didn't know. It didn't matter.

    When he came to the end of the meadow he sat up straight in the saddle and Stybba slowed down to a trot. Merry turned the pony around and halted, looking out over the meadow, the Brandywine and everything else in Buckland that was in his sight. His chest swelled with pride over the lands, lands that were his now, the lands that had always been his home and that he had fought for in the War of the Ring. It was an amazing sight, and it could not have been experienced better on the back of any other pony than Stybba.

     Merry sat on the back of his pony and looked out over Buckland for a long time. Then he slowly began to ride back to Brandy Hall.

Pippin tied Diamond's pony to the back of the cart. It would not be needed for riding back to Crickhollow, Diamond would be sitting up on the cart with Pippin and Faramir. He knew he was handling the pony rather briskly but he didn't care, as long as the animal wasn't hurt it didn't make a difference to Pippin at the moment. He wondered for the umpteenth time where on earth Merry was.

     It was no more than a few hours past noon, but Diamond wanted to get back to Crickhollow in good time so she could take her time with dinner, now that she was cooking alone. Pippin didn't bother pointing out to her that she was now only cooking for three, out of which one was a two year-old child, and that wouldn't take as long as cooking for seven. But he hadn't argued with her, if she wanted to go back to Crickhollow then okay. It didn't matter to him at the moment, he wasn't seeing much of Merry at the time anyway. He just wished his cousin would hurry up and get back to the Hall before they left.

     When he was done tying up Diamond's pony he walked up to Fox, who was in front of the cart. He put his arm around the pony's neck and kept in a sigh while he hoped Diamond would take her time saying goodbye to Estella. The longer Diamond took, the better the chances were that Merry would get back to the Hall on time.

     "Don't worry, Pippin" Sam said, coming up to him. "He'll get here in time for you to leave, I'm sure he will."

     "How can you be sure, he doesn't even know that we're leaving" Pippin said.

     "No, but he's got an intuition when it comes to you" Sam said. "He probably knew you were leaving before you did!"

     "Sam don't tell me you're starting to believe all those stories they tell about Merry and I being able to read each other's mind, and other crazy things like that! You know none of the stories are true."

     "He may not be able to read your mind, but he does know how to read your mood."

     "Right now who can't?"

     "It will be all right, Pippin" Sam said reassuringly. "I know what it feels like. Mister Frodo left, remember?"

     "With all do respect, Sam…" Pippin said. "You were never as close with Frodo as I am with Merry. My whole life, Sam… For as long as I can remember! Those bonds are the strongest in the world!"

     "Then don't worry about losing them" Sam said.

     "That's not what I'm worried about" Pippin mumbled.

     "I'm ready to leave now" Diamond said, giving Estella one last hug and walking up to the cart. "Let us leave, Pippin."

     Pippin helped her up in the cart, wanting to stall but noticing that she had the opposite intention. Diamond wanted to leave before Merry returned, sparing Pippin of a goodbye scene. She had a feeling Merry might have the same intentions with keeping away for so long, but she wasn't sure and she wanted to leave as soon as possible.

     Pippin got up on the cart next to her and smacked his lips at Fox, urging the pony to start to move. Sam said something to him but he didn't hear what it was and he didn't care. Whatever Sam had to say it wasn't important.

     "Pippin!" another voice called, causing Pippin to halt the carriage. It was Merry.

     Pippin turned and saw Merry sitting on Stybba's back, holding Raven by the reins. So he had made it back in time then. Merry made no move to dismount his horse, and Pippin wondered if maybe he was planning on riding with them a bit along the road.

     "Planning on leaving without saying goodbye?" Merry asked. "Where are your manners, master Took?"

     "You've been out riding for a long time" Pippin said and jumped off the cart, completely forgetting about Fox' reins which Diamond managed to grab right before the pony made a move. "We waited but you took so long…"

     "I didn't know I needed to be back in such a hurry" Merry said. "I hadn't been informed that the Tooks of Crickhollow were leaving so soon."

     Sam glared at Merry, then Pippin, then back at Merry again. They were speaking far too formally to each other, it was the first time he'd seen them do so in the Shire without it being in jest. The situation was a little too tense for Sam, who wished they would just sit down and talk things through before Pippin left.

     "I'm glad I came back in time to see you off" Merry said. "I have a parting gift for you, Pippin. I'm glad I can give it to you before you leave."

     "I'm glad as well" Pippin said. "I'm glad I got to say farewell before I left."

     "Come closer, Pip" Merry said, and Pippin did as ordered. "Here."

     Pippin stared at the leather handed to him.

     "Merry…"

     "I wish to give you Raven as a parting gift" Merry said and urged Pippin to take the reins he was offered. "Go on. Take the reins."

     "I cannot take Raven…" Pippin said. "He's your pony!"

     "Indeed he is" Merry said. "But I trust you to take good care of him. I think Fox will be lonely without his friend, don't you? It's a shame to part two best friends when you do not have to. Take Raven, Pippin!"

     Pippin hesitantly took the reins and patted Raven. He looked up at Merry with unsure eyes.

     "He is your pony, Merry. I know how attached you are to him! He's for you to ride, not me, I cannot take him."

     "You already have" Merry said. "You're right, Raven has been a good friend and a trusty companion to me. That is why I wish for you to have him. Perhaps he can be a reminder to you that real friends never part, or at least help cure the loneliness. I would hate for you to feel lonely each time you went into the stables because Raven isn't there."

     Pippin and Merry looked at each other for the longest time, and then Pippin nodded and led Raven to the cart. Raven was indeed Merry's, but he would serve as a reminder to Pippin that him and Merry were still together, at least Merry hoped he would. Either way he knew the pony would make it a bit easier on Pippin, and that was the most important thing.

Evening came to Crickhollow on that Midsummer's Day, just like it had all other days and would do all days to come. This evening was different though, all three left at the hole knew it. Every hall seemed empty, every room as well, dinner had been so quiet and now that dusk fell they wouldn't sit with their best friends and chat and joke. Life had changed and would never be the same, and no matter what Merry had said Pippin knew that this time it would not be for the better.

     He spent as much time as he could taking care of the ponies in the stable, especially Raven, but he could not hide out in the stables forever. Sooner or later he would have to go inside, and he knew that he wasn't all alone after all. Diamond and Faramir were there, and he loved them more than he could say, but they would not be able to heal the numbness he felt.

     They ate their supper in silence, even little Faramir knowing far too well that something was missing. Diamond wished to assure Pippin that it would get better, the first few days were of course going to be tough, if they weren't then it wasn't as it should be. But they would grow accustomed to life without the Brandybucks, and they would be happy again before long. But Diamond realised that her words would not be of any help tonight, Pippin wouldn't listen to them. So she let him sit quietly and grieve, knowing that he would come to her when he felt ready.

     After supper Diamond went to put Faramir to bed, and Pippin went outside to sit on the steps by the door and watch the sun that took hours to set. He lit his pipe and practiced smoke rings for a while, but soon that bored him and he smoked without caring what the smoke looked like on the way out. How many nights had he not sat here with Merry, blowing smoke rings and pondering the day's events? Not many after Merry had married Estella, but before that they had spent almost every summer night like this.

     Pippin had lived through many changes in his life, some for the better and some not. Fifteen years ago he had been just a normal young Hobbit, not a care in the world, never having seen anything worse than his mother grinding beef. And now he had more memories, changes and horrors behind him than he could count. Yet out of all the changes in his life this one seemed to be the most difficult one to come to terms with.

     Diamond found him sitting there when Faramir had fallen asleep, and she sat down next to him, wishing she could do or say something to ease his sorrow. She came to think of something Estella had said to her before they left, and put her hand on Pippin's knee to get his attention.

     "Estella said something to me before we left" she said. "Something that Merry had said to her. He said to her that you shouldn't be so sad, Pippin."

     "Diamond…" Pippin said with a sigh. "I can't help it."

     "I wasn't finished."

     "It's easy to say that I shouldn't be sad" Pippin said, not listening to her. "But not as easy to live by it. I… I don't know what to do."

     "Pippin, won't you listen to me?"

     "Will you listen to me?" he said, looking at her with begging eyes.

     "Of course."

     "I know it might seem as if I'm overreacting! I know one might say that it's not a big deal, he's not far away, it will be fine. But it **is** a big deal! They don't understand, you don't understand, I don't even know if Merry and I understand! It's just…" He sighed and put his pipe away. "I don't know what to do or say, how to explain… I've lost Merry! The one person I never thought I could lose."

     "But dearest Pippin, you haven't lost him!" Diamond said.

     "He's not here anymore! He's not within my reach! I don't know how I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow knowing that he's not here! I know it sounds crazy, but we're talking about my entire life Diamond! As far back as I can remember, there's been Merry."

     "But you've lived at separate places most of your lives" Diamond said.

     "Not after the War" Pippin said. "And I've grown even more dependant on him than before. I cannot be Pippin without him! All my life it's been Merry and Pippin! Always Merry and Pippin, never Pippin on its own! And when you take away Merry, then what is left?"

     "Pippin's left."

     "But not the Pippin you know. When you take away Meriadoc you take away what's merry with Peregrin."

     "Life goes **on** without Merry" Diamond said.

     "Did you know that he nearly died in the War?" The look on Diamond's face told him she didn't. "He was really close… We had been parted a few days before that, I was looking forward to seeing him again, and when I did I find him wounded, nearly dead. If you could only understand what that felt like…" Pippin paused for a long time and Diamond wished she could try the tears falling down his cheeks. "Oh Dimesy…" he said. "It was the most horrible thing I have ever had to live through. And when we were together again, and he was okay, I knew I never wanted to be parted from him again. On that moment when I realised that Merry might die, I also realised what life would be like for me without him. And it would be nothing, Diamond. Nothing."

     "Peregrin, listen to me!" Diamond said. "You cannot build your entire life around Merry! It doesn't work that way! You can love him, with all your heart and soul if you like, but you cannot depend on him the way that you do! You **will** be able to smile again, I promise you that, with or without your cousin. And you have not lost him, Brandy Hall is not far away at all. Ride over there tomorrow and see him! For your sake I wish you both could hide away here at Crickhollow for the rest of your lives, but in reality that isn't possible. You both have responsibilities in life that you must take care of. And with a friendship as strong as yours there is no way it can end."

     "I can indeed see him again tomorrow if I wish…" Pippin said. "But still it wouldn't be the same. It will never be the same again. The best years of my life have come to a sudden end. Everywhere I look there is a _never again_. Never again will we work in the stables, sit by the fire, live here together…"

     "Do you remember that I had something to tell you, that Estella had told me?"

     "You already told me what she had to say."

     "No, you never let me finish."

     Diamond gently wiped his wet cheek and turned his head so that he was looking into her eyes. She smiled slightly and stroke his lips with her thumb.

     "Merry told her this… so she could tell me and I could tell you… They will return to Crickhollow. When the spring comes back to us, they will too. Merry is going to begin breeding his ponies here next spring, and he and Estella will be living here every June, July and August. So until you and I move to Tuckburough, _never again_ has not yet come."

     "Really?" Pippin said and managed to laugh a little. "Merry said that?"

     "He did. He said it to Estella, knowing it would reach you this way, because he knows exactly how you feel and he knows you've been hiding it from him. And he knows why you've hidden it. He let you keep up your charade, but he wanted you to know this. So he sent the word by Estella."

     Pippin laughed again, and a genuine smile formed on his lips. He looked up at the sky and then back at Diamond.

     "Sam was right… He always knows exactly what I'm feeling and the reason why I do things, often before I know it myself!"

     "Yes, you are extraordinary friends" Diamond agreed. "And I will bet you anything that he misses you as much as you miss him."

     "Yes, but why am I sitting here crying?" Pippin asked with another laugh. "Merry will return, he'll be back in June! June is a year from today, but I have lived without him for a year once before. And this time I will be able to see him at Brandy Hall while I wait for him to return. There is no reason to grieve, for he is not lost to me yet!"

     "That's what I've been trying to tell you" Diamond said.

     Pippin pulled her close and kissed her hard, overwhelmed by his sudden mood swing from sadness to joy. All it had taken was the knowledge that Merry would come to live with him again, now Pippin could make it through the long winter ahead of him. Diamond couldn't help but laugh at his happy reaction, and she put up with his a bit too hard kisses until they softened and became more to her liking. She no longer felt as lonely as she had earlier, Pippin was with her and then she could lose all the friends in the world and still smile. Unlike Pippin, all she needed was right there with her. Her boy sleeping inside and her husband sitting outside with her, kissing her until they both lost their breath completely.

To be quite honest I don't have a clue whether or not Stybba was a mearas pony, I can't remember! But it seemed logical to me that he would be…

Please leave a review, any comments or suggestions would be helpful! I am also a bit curious as to what kind of happenings people would like to see, I do have quite a few things planned ahead but I could definitely use some helpful suggestions =)


	5. 1433

**Author's Note**: I didn't plan on posting this part so soon, but I'm starting to get piled up with finished, unposted chapters… This part is probably a little less stand-alone than the previous ones, even though they haven't been all-together stand alone either. But this part follows up what Pippin felt in the last chapter about Merry moving away. I wrote this while I was tired and have a headache, so I don't know if it ended up very good at all, but bear with me. The next part is a bit better. When that part will be up I don't know, it doesn't seem like a lot of people read this series, so I'm not in much of a hurry posting new chapters, but sometime next week I should assume! Anyhoo, I've talked too much, on with chapter five and the year 1433!

**Disclaimer**: Same as always, you know what Tolkien owns and I don't! Namely everything!

"What in the world!" Pippin exclaimed and nearly dropped the plate he was holding. He quickly set it down at the table next to him and stared at the scene before him.

     "Hello Pip" Merry said with a sly smile.

     Pippin couldn't believe his eyes. The front door had been flung open, nearly startling him to death, and in walked Merry, Estella and Rosie. Estella had one arm around Merry's shoulders and the other around Rosie's, and from the pained look on her face and the cry coming from her lips it was clear to see what was going on. Pippin hurried over and took over Rosie's job of supporting Estella, who seemed to have been freed from her pain at the moment. Merry let go of her and Pippin led her toward the table.

     "Estella are you all right?" Pippin asked worriedly.

     "Yes" she said with a faint smile.

     "Well then. Then I hope you don't mind me telling you how **idiotic** you all are!" The last part came out more as yelling than speaking. "What possessed you to go out **riding** when you felt your time had come, Estella? It's the most foolish thing I've ever heard of, and you," he said to Merry, "you should have more sense in your skull than this! Don't you care for your wife? I cannot believe this! And **you**, Rose Gamgee, I would have expected a little more sense on your behalf! There is no excuse for this **madness**!"

     "I'm **fine**, Pippin" Estella said, not the least bit bothered by his anger, and sunk down on a chair. "And so is the baby."

     "Oh don't you go telling me that you're fine" Pippin snarled. "What I saw just now is not fine! You should be at Brandy Hall, lying in a bed, not stopping by for a visit!"

     "We have come to deliver the baby" Merry said. "And you can yell at me later Pip, I need to put Stybba into the stables."

     "You ought to put yourself in there, for that is where you belong" Pippin said. "Now get out of here Merry before I feel the need to knock some sense into you with a cane!"

     Merry obediently left, and Pippin turned his anger to Rosie and Estella while taking Estella's wet coat off.

     "And in this rain… You are out of your minds, all of you! Come to deliver the baby here? Well I don't have much choice other than to let you stay, do I? But you should have thought of this a lot sooner, your life and the baby's is at stake here Estella Brandybuck! Getting yourself cold and wet while you're having a baby… And what would you have done if the baby had come on the way over here? A cart is hardly the ideal place for a child to come into the world, especially not in such weather!"

     "You would have to let us stay no matter what, for this is Merry's as much as it is yours" Estella said dryly. "I do not remember him leaving Crickhollow entirely to you! In fact, if this baby is a lad he will get to inherit Merry's half of this very hole when he is older."

     "And you thought it would be a good idea to deliver the child here then? Stupid I would rather call it!"

     "Don't argue with me Pippin, please" Estella said, changing tactics and looking at him with pleading eyes. Those eyes had never failed to work on him before. "I have a long, hard day in front of me and I don't want your anger hanging over my head!"

     "I am only concerned for your safety, Estella" Pippin said with more warmth in his voice. "And how Merry can **not** be is beyond me!"

     "Oh he's worried enough" Estella said. "But he knew it wasn't such a big deal. It only took us about an hour to get here!"

     "An hour! Estella, my word! And in this rain no less! Rose Gamgee, what is your excuse for being part of all this?"

     Rose looked at Pippin with stern eyes that showed that she was no more happy about it than he was. She ignored Pippin's comment and walked up to Estella.

     "Would you please help me get her on her feet?" she said to Pippin. "It is better if she could lean on you than on me!"

     "I don't need to lean on anyone" Estella said stubbornly and rose to her feet with as much dignity as she could muster at the moment.

     "Right. When your next contraction comes feel free to show me!"

     "Okay, fine" Estella said and put her arm around Pippin's neck for support.

     "Out of all the foolish ideas…" Pippin angrily muttered. "I shall give Merry a piece of my mind when he comes back inside, believe me I shall!"

     "Will you let it go?" Estella asked. "Nothing bad has happened."

     "Still, you do not take your birthing wife on a nice little one-hour trip in the **rain**!" Pippin said. "It just ain't right, as Sam would have said. And that **is** what Sam will say when he learns about this Rose!"

     "Don't talk so much Pippin, you are only wasting our time, just help me find her a room" Rose said.

     "Why on earth did you even decide to come here?" Pippin asked, not prepared to let the matter go. "Brandy Hall still has beds, doesn't it?"

     "It was my choice, my decision" Estella said calmly. "I wanted to have the baby here Pippin, not at Brandy Hall."

     "Why? Because it was conceived here shortly before you left last summer? That's a stupid reason!"

     "Actually I like to believe that he or she was conceived on Midsummer's Eve, at Brandy Hall" Estella said with a smile and put her free hand on her belly.

     "Spare me the when and where and hows of yours and Merry's intimate relationship" Pippin said. "And if it suits you to make a baby at the Hall you should be content with birthing it there as well. This whole idea is just too stupid!"

     "Oh Pippin please don't be mad any longer…" Estella begged. "Having the baby at the Hall just makes me nervous! There are so many people everywhere, so many who have claimed they want to be there when I have the baby, most of them I don't even **know**! And even if Rosie would be able to keep them all away from my room I would still get nervous knowing they were all waiting for the birth to be over and count every minute… Here at Crickhollow I feel more at home and relaxed, it is just Hobbits that I love and nobody clocking me! Except for maybe the anxious father, and of course you Pippin!"

     "You should have come up with this idea sooner!" Pippin said. "You should have taken a day with good weather and ridden over here, not leaving after the birth has already started and on a rainy day at that!"

     "It was the only way!" Estella said. "I told Merry's mother about my wishes, and she told me that the baby should be born at the Hall. She would never have let me come here to give birth, and neither would the rest of them. They feel Merry's first child born into his mastership should be born at Brandy Hall."

     "They have my full support and agreement" Pippin said.

     "Pippin please, this is important to me! Oh!"

     Her grip around Pippin's shoulder tightened and she closed her eyes while waiting for the pain to go away. Pippin stared at Rosie with panic in his eyes, not knowing what to do, but Rosie seemed to be angry and didn't offer him any help whatsoever. All she did was cast a glance at the clock on the wall and see for how long the contraction lasted.

     Once the pain went away Estella's grip on Pippin loosened and she opened her eyes again, laughing timidly. At the moment she didn't seem as cocky and sure of herself as she had earlier, but she was looking so vulnerable that Pippin couldn't take the opportunity to tell her off some more. She still held a special spot in his heart and he didn't wish to make this trial in front of her anymore difficult than it was already going to be.

     "Now then, are we done chatting?" Rosie said and put her hands on her hips. "If so, could we please find you a room Estella? Unless you're planning on having the baby out here in the hallway, standing like that with your arm around your husband's cousin!"

     "A room!" Pippin nervously said, not liking the picture Rose painted. "Most definitely a room! Just find her any room, Rosie!"

     "Our old bedroom" Estella said. "Take me there."

     "Yours and Merry's?"

     "Do you know of any other bedroom I have had here, Pippin?" Estella asked, slightly annoyed. "If not, then please help me get to the bedroom you do know of."

     "Is that really… appropriate?" Pippin asked.

     "Merry would throw a fit if he knew I was having the baby in our old room, in our old bed" Estella admitted. "But I want to have it there! Merry doesn't have to know until it's all over!"

     "Let's take you there then" Rose decided. "It's not your bedroom anymore, it should be fine. And you Pippin will keep your mouth shut and not tell Merry."

     The trio slowly made their way to the room which had been Merry's and Estella's less than a year earlier, and Estella was laid down on the bed with the help of Pippin and Rose. Not until she was lying comfortably did Estella let go of Pippin's shoulder.

     "All I wanted for today was to smoke my pipe and have a nice dinner" Pippin complained as Estella gripped his shoulder again when another contraction came. "How did I end up in here, supporting Merry's birthing wife?"

     "My sympathies are not with **you** at the moment" Rosie said, showing her usual motherly concern for Estella again now that she had gotten into bed. "Run along now and keep that cousin of yours away" she said once Estella let go of Pippin again.

     "I'll be happy to" Pippin said and hurriedly backed out of Estella's reach, afraid of being further delayed.

     "And let Diamond know that we might be in need of her assistance!"

     "Sure. Consider it done!"

     With that Pippin hurried off, happy to have been given an assignment. Find Diamond, and tell her what was going on. Hopefully she would see things the way he did, and not agree with what seemed to be the common opinion, that Estella being moved to Crickhollow was a good idea. Not that it mattered much now anyway, they wouldn't be able to move her back to Brandy Hall, but it annoyed Pippin that nobody seemed to realise how folly it was to bring a lass who was having a baby to a different location on a cold cart on a rainy day. He would be sure to let Merry know exactly what he thought of this whole happening as soon as he got his hands on him.

A little while later Pippin found Merry hanging up his wet cape to dry, and did not spare him of anything he had argued with Rosie and Estella over. Merry didn't seem to take any of it in though, much to Pippin's anger.

     "Don't you care about what happens to her?" he finally asked when nothing else seemed to have taken any affect.

     "Of course I do!" Merry said. "But I understand her, Pip! We haven't quite gotten used to all the life at Brandy Hall yet, and birthing a baby is a hard thing for a lass to do! I want her to be where she feels comfortable, all those people at the Hall will only upset her!"

     "Not nearly as much as it will upset you when she and the baby come down with the flue" Pippin said. "Didn't you ever think of that?"

     "Leave me alone, Pip" Merry said. "If you're only going to yell at me then I'd rather sit somewhere alone instead of being in your company!"

     He looked out the window, avoiding Pippin's eyes. Pippin stared at him in confusion for a few seconds, not understanding what was going on with his cousin.

     "Don't tell me…" he said. "Are you actually nervous? Worried? I thought a simple thing like the lass you love giving birth to your child was nowhere near enough to make you nervous! If I remember it correctly you don't see it as something to be **bothered** by!"

     "Be quiet" Merry snarled and marched off to his study, followed by Pippin who wasn't prepared to let it go.

     "Admit that you think this whole idea was foolish!" he said. "You know it as well as I do, just admit it!"

     "I do not regret taking her here!"

     "No? Well you ought to! Anybody with their mind straight would! And if you don't then what is making you so uncomfortable?"

     "Will you give it a rest?" Merry said. "Look Pippin, coming here was Estella's wish and so I let her have her way. We are already here now, no matter how much you yell it's not going to change anything!"

     "That line may have worked on aunt Esmeralda when you were young and did something you weren't supposed to" Pippin said and crossed his arms. "But it won't work on me. You're the one who always talks about responsibilities, well you have neglected yours!"

     "Which one of us has the most knowledge in medicine?" Merry asked. "You or me? If I believed she was being put in mortal danger I would have forced her to stay at Brandy Hall."

     "You should have done that anyway" Pippin said. "So highly irresponsible of you! What kind of a role model are you to your children, really? Or to the Hobbits who look up to you because you are Meriadoc the Magnificent?"

     "Oh would you let it go, it's not that big a deal! Now for the last time, stop bothering me about this or leave! I mean it, Pippin!"

     Pippin saw in his eyes that he meant it, and decided to give it a rest for the moment. He did not wish to be sent away by Merry, he preferred keeping his mouth shut for the time being. He knew he would have plenty of opportunity to tell Merry how foolish this whole thing was until the baby was born.

"Oh goodness…" Estella sighed. "I had forgotten how painful this is…"

     "You're doing fine" Diamond assured her and gave her some water to drink. "How much longer do you think it will be, Rose?"

     "We've been here for a few hours now" Rose said. "I should assume it will be a couple of hours more. You're doing progress."

     "I'd better be" Estella sighed. "I certainly do not wish for that husband of mine to have to give us a hand!"

     "Don't worry, dear" Rosie said. Then she sighed. "If only the lads knew what we go through to put children into the world they wouldn't be so eager to keep making them."

     "I don't know about that" Estella said with a blush. "It is always me as much as Merry. Children aren't on my mind on those occasions anyway."

     "They are for me" Diamond said, blushing as well. "I'm hoping to have a second child soon. Faramir will be three this fall, and it seems like it's time now."

     Diamond had secretly been wondering when she would have her second child. She still didn't know that she was barren, the only ones who knew were Merry, Pippin and her two sisters, since Pippin thought it was better that way. It was confusing to her that nothing had happened on the child front, especially during this winter when Pippin had looked to her for physical comfort almost every night to help numb his loneliness. Whenever she spoke to Pippin about it however, he only mumbled that she shouldn't worry about it and then quickly found another topic for conversation. It didn't make sense to her, especially since she'd already had one child so she knew she was able to have them. She had said that to Pippin once as well, to which he had nearly choked on the apple he was eating. Diamond didn't understand why he reacted that way, but she knew by now that it was better to let it be. He would turn to her sooner or later, there was no use in trying to rush him. She was used to waiting.

     "Look at you two blushing" Rose said. "One would think you were both newlywed lasses, not mothers a few years into marriage!"

     "Mothers indeed" Estella said. "Soon to one more child."

     "I wish it would happen for me sometime soon as well" Diamond said again and sighed. "It seems it has been so long now since Faramir's birth…"

     "Diamond please, you're still so young!" Estella said. "I was your age the first time I met Merry! Well, I had of course met him before, but never for more than a few minutes at a time, I barely knew him. You on the other hand are married and have a son, you've got all the time in the world to have more children. I was 44 when Éowyn was born, you my dear are only 38. You are years ahead of me already."

     "But once your first child had been born you had your second within a year. And now you're having your third. For me it has been almost three years!"

     "Don't spend your time worrying about that" Rosie said harshly. "Be thankful instead that you've got the time to spend on Faramir, and that you don't have to give birth to another child once a year!"

     "Rosie…" Estella said with a frown. "What are you saying?"

     "Never mind, I'm sorry" Rose said and quickly rose to find something to occupy her hands with. "I didn't mean anything."

     "Yes you did" Estella said. "Are you pregnant again?"

     "I will have another child this October, if I've counted right" Rosie admitted with a sigh. "And Hamfast who is barely even a year old!"

     "That is hard, I know" Estella said. "It's better to have at least two years between each child's birth."

     "I wouldn't mind having more than two years" Rosie mumbled. "I've barely weaned one before the next one arrives."

     "Children are blessings, Rose" Diamond said and bit her lip. "If I were you I would only be thankful! They're worth all of their trouble!"

     Rose didn't reply, but it was obvious that she didn't see it quite that way. She was already the mother of seven children, she was beginning to feel that it was enough. She found she barely had time for all of them, and with an eighth one on the way she would have even less time. And all her births were beginning to take their toll, it was getting harder for her. But she didn't want to complain in front of Estella who was having a child at that very moment, and she definitely didn't want to complain in front of Diamond, who only had one child and seemed to have problems having a second.

"Won't you tell me what's bothering you Merry?" Pippin asked, noticing that his cousin had been reading the same page of his book for the past fifteen minutes. "You know you can't hide it from me… Is it Estella?"

     Merry sighed and put his book away. It was no use trying to read, he couldn't even recall what book he had been reading for the past ninety minutes. He rose from his seat and began to pace back and forth, knowing that Estella was always irritated when he did that, but since she wasn't in the room it didn't matter. Usually it didn't matter to him even if she was in the room, but right now he felt like he was doing something wrong when he did something he knew annoyed Estella. Pippin eyed him with suspicious eyes and rose from his seat by Merry's desk.

     "Merry?"

     "It's nothing" Merry said.

     "Don't tell me it's nothing… I know when it's nothing and when it's not, and this time it is definitely not! Look, it is okay to be nervous when you're having a child, it's only natural. **I'm** nervous, why shouldn't you be?"

     "Pippin it's not that…" Merry said. "Or maybe it is. I don't know."

     "Talk to me."

     "I can't talk to you about this" Merry said.

     At that comment Pippin lost his cool and gave Merry a slap on the cheek which shocked Merry much more than it shocked Pippin. It had been a long day for Pippin, and too many things had happened that he felt shouldn't. This last comment from Merry had just been too much for him to handle.

     "Don't you say that to me, Meriadoc Brandybuck!" he said with fury. "Don't you come and tell me that there are things you cannot talk to me about, because such things don't exist! Am I not your best friend? Do we not trust each other with our lives? You have already taken your family and your belongings and moved away from me, and now you're going to take our ability to turn to each other with everything as well? Well you be damned if that is the case, don't you ever say to me that there are things you cannot talk to me about! Saying that is like a mockery of our friendship and I will have none of it!"

     "Pippin…" Merry said, rubbing his check in shock. The harsh words had hurt far more than the slap, but it would take him a long time to get over his cousin slapping him.

     "I will not have you turn your back on our closeness" Pippin said. "With everything I have lost already how can you let me lose that as well?"

     "Lose it? But Pippin--"

     "And don't talk condescending to me!"

     "I'm not!"

     "Maybe none of it matters to you, but it sure does to me!" Pippin could feel the tears burning in his eyes. "Maybe it has been easy for you, but it hasn't to me! You left, you moved away, and I was left behind to try and manage without you! Do you think this year has been easy for me? Because I can tell you now, it has not! I struggle every day to feel like myself again, but it's no use, I cannot do it alone, and here you stroll in out of nowhere and refuse to let me help you when you're troubled. How you can refuse to let me be there for you, how can you say to me that there are things you cannot speak to me about!"

     "Calm down Peregrin" Merry said firmly. "What is going on? Why do you react this way without even giving me the chance of telling you why I cannot speak with you about this?"

     "Sometimes it seems like you don't care" Pippin said, tears falling down his cheeks.

     "Care about what?"

     "I guess it's different for you. If you had only known what it is like to lose, well, for you it would be losing me! You have never been in that position the way that I have. You were not the one who found your best friend stumbling down the streets, falling deeper and deeper into shadow, slipping away from you with every breath! You do not know what that is like! You cannot know what I felt when I saw you in that state, when I sat by your bedside forced to realise what life would be without you! You cannot know it because I never knew it myself before that moment, I could never have imagined how painful it would be! You have been here forever, all my life, and I do admit that I didn't realise how special our friendship was until you nearly died!"

     "Easy Pippin, it's okay" Merry said, trying to soothe his cousin.

     "No it is **not** okay!" Pippin said, letting out all of the anguish he had felt since Merry had left Crickhollow. "It is not okay, if only you knew, if only you had been in that situation. I wish that you never will be, for I have never experienced anything so horrid in my whole life and I do not wish the same pain on you! I didn't know until then just how much you meant to me because you had been there forever! To me you and our friendship was as much a natural part of my life as the grass on the ground or the clouds in the sky! And then I lost you, and I got to feel what it was like for everybody else, those who do not have a bond like ours. And I knew that I was only half without you. We are one, you and I, we are two halves of the same Hobbit. Take away one and where does that leave the other? I cannot be myself if you aren't there with me."

     "Pippin I **know**!"

     "When I found you again I finally felt like my true self again. But you were sick, so very ill, and you were going to die. Strider saved you, and he saved me too in the process! Since that time I've known that I'm not whole without you. Maybe I would have been if I had never known you, but I can't help but think that you and I were meant to be friends. And that there is no way for me to be real without you."

     "Well then what are you so upset about?" Merry asked. "I also believe that we were supposed to be friends. What does it then matter if we live on different places or if not everything is said between us?"

     "It matters a lot" Pippin said. "Don't you see? I cannot be who I always have been, not without you. With you living at the Hall all that is left for me here is half of what I was. And it is not enough!"

     "There is a difference between us" Merry said. "You can't remember anything else than us being friends, but I am eight years older and I can. When you were born Frodo Baggins was my best friend, and he continued to be for years. I remember what it was like to not be part of Merry and Pippin, to just be Merry, and I guess I just got the chance of establishing who I was before we became the friends we are today. Like you said we are two halves of one whole, but you don't see that we can function without each other. I lost you too, don't forget that Pippin. I was left behind when Gandalf took you on Shadowfaxe and rode off and I missed you more than I can say. But I learned from that experience, I was reminded of something I already knew deep inside. That we do not need to be stuck together all the time, we can accomplish great things even when we're apart. And if you think that means that I don't love you then you're a bigger fool of a Took than even Gandalf knew! All it means is that even when we're apart we're together in our hearts, and we can go on with our lives. Don't think that I do not miss you, that this year has been any easier on me than it has on you, and don't think that I do not care about you like I always have. I just learned that we can make it on our own, that doesn't mean that I wish for us to be parted, for unlike you I had already known what it is like to just be me, on my own, when we parted during the War."

     "So you're saying you already knew what I then found out?"

     "Never let it be said that I didn't know how fortunate I was, or how special our bond was before I lost you. It is for your own good that I can't speak with you about what's bothering me. You trust my judgement, don't you?"

     "I do. But I need to know that nothing has changed."

     "Nothing has changed."

     "Then tell me what is bothering you, Merry!"

     Merry sighed.

     "It has to do with Diamond and the night Faramir was born" he said. "Believe me when I say that you do not wish for me to talk about it with you." He put his hands on Pippin's shoulders. "And yes, I worry about Estella."

     Pippin didn't know what to say. His anger seemed to have vanished and all that was left was a feeling of emptiness. He had blown off steam he wasn't aware that he had, and now that it was all out in the open he felt lonely again. He slowly leaned in against Merry and accepted the comfort he was offered.

     "I'm sorry that I hit you…"

"Pippin talks" Diamond said with a giggle. "Every single time. He always asks me if he's told me how beautiful he finds me! Each time it as if he has forgotten that he has ever asked, it's rather endearing actually."

     "For us it is the other way around" Estella said. "Merry's silent, I talk. The only time he says anything is when he asks me to be quiet please. It's almost as if I disturb him."

     "I'm not even sure Pippin would know if I spoke" Diamond said. "Frankly I'm not entirely sure he even knows that **he** talks!"

     "I think the both of you should talk less at the moment" Rosie said. "Such things are not suitable to talk about when a child is about to be born!"

     "Oh Rosie" Estella sighed. "The child is not here yet, and even if it were he or she wouldn't know what we were speaking about anyway."

     "Still" Rose said. "It ain't fitting."

     "It **is** the reason I'm lying here right now" Estella pointed out, teasing her friend. "Come to think of it it's a very appropriate subject of conversation!"

     "Shush now" Rosie said. "Indeed that's what got you into this situation, and it's caused you enough worries for one day. Find something else to talk about."

     "You seem to have a negative opinion of what husbands and wives to behind close doors" Estella pointed out. "And I know you think lads wouldn't be so eager in the matter if they were the ones who had to have the children. But I think you're wrong."

     "We shouldn't discuss such things" Rose said.

     "Oh nonsense. I won't have you thinking that Merry is the only one to blame, **I** know what childbirth is like and yet it hasn't stopped me."

     "Not to mention that he knows what it's like" Diamond pointed out. "He hasn't felt it himself of course, but he has seen and heard! It's odd that he knows what it's about better than my Pippin does, yet Pippin is ten times more nervous when it comes to reproduction. You should see him every time I talk about wanting a second child, he looks as if I suggested we should adopt a goblin or something!"

     "He's got more sense in his skull than Merry" Rose said.

     "Don't say that" Estella said, feeling another contraction coming. "I won't have you speak badly of him!"

     "You'll have to forgive me Estella, but I always did see the Brandybucks as queer folks, your Merry being no exception no matter what you or Sam say. If only I had known I'd be helping several little Brandybucks into this world!"

     "How much longer, Rosie?" Diamond asked.

     "We're getting closer. It shouldn't be long now! An hour, maybe two!"

     "I hope it will be soon now" Diamond sighed.

An hour passed. Merry's study was dark, the clouds darkened the sun outside and there were no candles lit in the room. The darkness seemed to fit the mood, both Merry and Pippin felt strange. Neither one of them had ever felt this way before, it was as if their friendship had been put on trial, and things might be different once it was over.

     Merry was curled up on the couch in his study, staring blankly into space and thinking about Estella. Pippin was slumped in the chair by Merry's desk, playing with a pencil and not knowing what to think or feel. He had never felt this way around Merry before, it was as if something had gone lost, but Pippin didn't have the strength to find out what or grieve that it was gone. The only answer that was in his head was that the innocence of their friendship had died when he had slapped Merry over the cheek.

     "Hey" Merry said suddenly, lifting his head. "I just realised something!"

     "What?"

     "Rosie has no idea where we are! She won't know where to find us when the baby's born, maybe the child's been born already and I don't know about it!"

     "I'll go see" Pippin offered and rose from his seat. "I know where Estella is, I'll tell Rose or Diamond where they can find us."

     "Thank you" Merry whispered and let his head fall back down again.

     Pippin took the opportunity to go check on Faramir, who was doing just fine, still sleeping after supper. He knew Diamond would get mad at him for letting the lad sleep for so long, since he would have trouble sleeping that night, but he didn't care. It was better to have Faramir asleep now so that the adults could focus on their problems.

     When he came near Merry and Estella's old bedroom he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Estella screaming. Chills went down the back of his spine, he had never heard anybody scream like that before. Bewildered he stood like frozen until the scream had died out, and then he hurried over to the door and knocked on it. Diamond opened it and stepped outside, closing the door behind her and looking annoyed.

     "This had better be important" she growled.

     "We're, we're in Merry's study" Pippin managed to get out. "So you know where to find us. Later."

     "Okay" Diamond said, and eyed his shocked face, wondering what was going on this time. "What?"

     "Estella, she…" Pippin gulped. "Is she okay?"

     "She's having a baby" Diamond pointed out and rolled her eyes. With that she went back into the bedroom and Pippin hurried back to the study.

     "How are things going?" Merry asked when he returned.

     "It sounds horrible" Pippin said, and stopped in front of Merry. "Diamond said everything was fine. But gosh, it just sounded so…"

     "Yeah I know" Merry said and sat up. He glanced over at Pippin and chuckled. "Your face is really pale. One might think you had seen a ghost!"

     "Ghosts I can handle" Pippin said and sat down next to Merry. "But that which I just heard, I don't know…"

     "Scary, isn't it?" Merry said. Then he sighed. "Maybe you can guess now what's been bothering me."

     "But you've seen it before" Pippin said.

     "Yes, with lasses I didn't know all that well. And that was different. As scary as it was, my job was to be the medical. I could distance myself. But when it happened with Diamond… You know I love her, she's your wife and like a sister to me. When I assisted her I couldn't distance myself like I always do because I care far too much about her. I don't think it ever became real to me until then. And it never became real to me that the lasses we love could die like that until then! I am petrified that Estella will die at childbirth!"

     "I know you are" Pippin said. "So am I. But you remember what you said to me, don't you? You made me swear never to regret having fathered Faramir, and I never have! Like you said to me that night, children are worth death."

     "Faramir was your first child" Merry said. "I already have two, both of them amazing and one of them my heir. Why do I need a third?"

     "Will you love this child any less because he or she won't be your heir and you already have both a son and a daughter?"

     "Of course not!"

     "Exactly." Pippin said gently. "So you can't say that it is any different than it was with Faramir."

     "But it is. Before I could say to myself that I don't have a child yet, or I don't have a son yet. Now I have a son and a daughter, I won't have to continue fathering children out of hope to have one of each."

     "You still can't reason like that" Pippin said. "Every child is special. Look at Sam's litter, do you think he could say that he should have kept from Rosie after Frodo was born? Do you think he would say that even if little Rosie's birth had cost his wife her life?"

     "No" Merry admitted after a few seconds of silence. "No, I don't."

     "Then set your worries aside" Pippin said. "Diamond didn't seem worried about Estella, she did however seem angry with me for interrupting! So far everything is going well, and you know as well as I do that when that baby is handed to you you will forget that you even worried in the first place."

     "I hope so" Merry said. "Pippin maybe I just see the bad things, maybe it's because I only see the births where the mother's life is at risk, but I'm just too aware now of the danger I put Estella in."

     "Let me ask you something private…" Pippin said. "When you… initiate intimacy with her… does she resist?"

     "Of course not" Merry snorted, offended by the mere suggestion. "If she did I would let her be! You know that!"

     "Then it seems to me that you're not putting her in danger on your own and against her will or better judgement, she is fully aware of what she's doing and she chooses to do it. She's had babies before, she knows what its about, but she chooses to take the risk because she feels that it's worth it. Stop blaming yourself for her choices."

     Merry sighed again and leaned his head on Pippin's shoulder. A smile formed on Pippin's lips, and he put his arm around Merry. Whatever had been missing earlier seemed to have returned, whatever test they had stood before they seemed to have passed it. They were together, and Pippin felt complete. He doubted he would ever be able to see his own ability to live life to the fullest without Merry, but his cousin was right about one thing. Their friendship would stand the test of time, and could survive distance as well as fights. Amazing that all it would take to wipe away all of his doubts was Merry's cheek leaned against his shoulder!

     The door opened and Diamond entered, smiling at the sight of the two Hobbits on the couch, who appeared to be hiding from all lights in the dark study. She had seldom seen them together since Merry had moved, and she had missed the sight.

     "Look at you two…" she said. "What a sight for soar eyes! I'd say this is the second best sight I've seen today!"

     Merry looked at her without lifting his head from Pippin's shoulder. It felt too comforting and reassuring for him to want to lift his head just yet.

     "Is it over?"

     "Indeed Master Meriadoc" Diamond said. "And a fine child it is too, that has entered the world on this day."

     "How's Estella?"

     "This I have to tell Rosie" Diamond said with a laugh. "That Meriadoc the Magnificent asked for his wife's condition before even wanting to know if he has had a boy or a girl. It will please her much to hear."

     "Well which is it?" Pippin asked. "Lad or lass?"

     "First things first. To answer your question Merry, Estella is doing fine. A little tired, and feeling a little like a horse carriage has run her over, but that will pass. And the baby is doing fine as well, in case you're interested."

     "Is it a boy or a girl?" Merry asked.

     "You have had a son, and a handsome little one he is!"

     "Did you hear that?" Pippin grinned. "Lift your head you fool and let me see you smile! A son! I couldn't think of anything more suiting than that!"

     "Except for a lass maybe" Diamond teased.

     "If Estella is right and the baby was conceived on the night you became Master of Buckland," Pippin said, ignoring the blushing faces of Merry and Diamond, "then what could be more fitting than the baby being a son?"

     "Whatever you say, Pippin" Diamond said. "But perhaps you should quiet down for the time being and allow the father of said child to go see the mother and son? You will have plenty of time to muse over the difference between having lads and lasses."

     "Certainly!" Pippin said and flew to his feet, managing to knock Merry's cheek in the sudden movement. "Oh my, I'm sorry Merry!" he exclaimed. "I seem to be only hurting you today!"

     "It's all right" Merry said and rose, rubbing his cheek. "Just see it as having given both my cheeks a mark so that they can still look the same!"

     "What are you on about now?" Diamond asked.

     "Nothing" came the answer in unison.

     "Well come with me, Merry."

     Both Merry and Pippin followed her down the halls. When Diamond stopped Merry realised where they were.

     "This is our bedroom!" he exclaimed.

     "You have very sharp eyes, Merry," Pippin jested, "one might even take you for an Elf!"

     "Estella's in **here**?"

     "It was her wish. And she knew how to get her way…" Diamond said with a smile. "Now don't stand here and look like you've swallowed a watermelon, go inside!"

     Merry seemed unsure for a moment, but then went inside the room. Pippin put his arm around Diamond's waist and pulled her closer with a grin. He was in an incredibly good mood all of a sudden and wanted to share it with her, knowing that she was happy too over what had just happened.

     "A son, huh?" he said. "I would have expected a daughter! Don't let Merry's odd behaviour fool you, he is both proud and happy!"

     "I know" Diamond said.

     "Can you believe this, Dimesy? Who would have thought when we woke up this morning that Merry's son would be born here before the day was over?"

     "Certainly not me" Diamond said.

     "Me neither. Merry a father of three… Unbelievable!"

     "Hopefully you will soon be a father of two" Diamond said. "You sure have had a lot of opportunities to become one during this winter, as often as we have been together… I'm surprised I haven't gotten pregnant sooner! I hope we won't have to wait much longer, seeing Estella's new boy only makes my longing stronger!"

     Pippin laughed and kissed the top of her head.

     "My, my, you rarely speak this openly of such matters. Usually the mere mention of a bed makes you blush!"

     "I hope you don't mind that I hope our second child will be a daughter" Diamond said, not paying attention to what he was saying. "It's just that we have a son already, and… I would very much like a daughter!"

     Pippin's smile faded somewhat. It hurt him to hear her speak of having a second child, and recently she had been doing so much more often. There were times when he wondered if it was just cruel to let her hope for a second child, but he had made his decision and he would stick to it. As cruel as hope might be it would be nothing compared to having to look her into the eye and tell her that she would never have a second child. And Pippin refused to believe that hope was a foolish thing, no matter what Gandalf, or other wise men for that matter, had said. Hope had proven to be of high importance during the War, and Pippin was a firm believer that even if hope didn't make your dreams come true it would at least get you through the fight.

"I will leave you now" Rose said and placed a kiss on Estella's forehead. "Is there any room available for me to get some rest?"

     "Just ask Diamond, she'll be more than happy to help you!" Merry said. "And thank you Rose, for everything!"

     Rose nodded and left the room. Merry gently stroke a strain of hair from Estella's sweaty forehead and kissed her cheek. He had curled up next to her on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders, admiring the baby in her arms. Estella was tired, but smiling. The baby was finally here, and like Pippin she felt like it was fitting that it had been a son. The first child born to her husband since he became Buckland's master.

     She wondered what they would say at Brandy Hall. She wondered what the reactions had been when they found out that herself, Merry and Rose were gone, but she assumed that her mother-in-law had come through for them. It wouldn't be hard for anyone to guess that they had headed for Crickhollow, but nobody had come to bring them back to Brandy Hall or even check if they were indeed there. Esmeralda must have understood how important this was for Estella and decided to let them be.

     She was thankful to Merry and Rosie for having agreed to bring her here, even though Rosie had been very angry over the whole thing. But Merry had understood her right away, even though he had worried. Merry, her Merry, he had known what she was feeling and he had let her have her way. She loved him more than she could express in words, and the feeling overwhelmed her and she started to cry.

     "Now, now…" Merry said gently and kissed one of the tears falling down her cheeks. "What is the matter, love?"

     "Nothing" Estella sobbed.

     "Don't cry…"

     "I'm not sad" she assured him, even though she knew she sounded like she was. "Actually it's the opposite! I just…"

     Merry chuckled and kissed another tear falling down her cheek. He understood what she meant and was amused by her apparent shame over her reaction. To him it was nothing to be ashamed about, but he knew she would act a bit strange during the following days. She always did after having a child. He kissed yet another tear on her cheek and chuckled into her hair. She made an effort to pull herself together, with moderate success.

     "Oh Merry…"

     "I know" Merry said. "I understand. And I love you too."

     "I'm so silly" she said, wiping her tears with her upper arm to the best of her ability, feeling ashamed over her emotional outburst. "I have nothing to cry about!"

     "It's okay" Merry assured her.

     She looked at him with adoring eyes, making Merry almost a bit uncomfortable. Then she noticed his red cheeks and adoration turned to concern.

     "What has happened to you?" she asked.

     "Pippin" Merry said with a chuckle. "He may not have used a cane, but he did knock some sense into me. Twice!"

     Estella shook her head.

     "You and Pippin… Even if I live for a hundred years more I will never fully understand the two of you."

     "I'm not even sure **we** do" Merry said. Then he turned his attention to the baby. "What do you want to name him?"

     "I haven't thought of it" she said. "I knew you would have a name already."

     "I have gotten to name two of our children already. Now it's your turn."

     "Give them the names you want, after your friends" Estella said. "I know that's what you want to do."

     "You mean you haven't given any thought to names at all?" Merry asked.

     "I did have a girl's name on my mind… But as it turns out I will have to save it for later. So you go ahead, pick out a name."

     "I'm actually not sure" Merry said. "I've known for a long time that I wanted my first daughter to be named after Éowyn and my first son to be named after Théoden. But I never thought as far as a third child!"

     "Do you want us to think of a name together?" Estella asked. "My intuition tells me that you do have a name you want to give the baby, no matter what you're telling me now."

     "There are many people whom I would gladly name him after" Merry said. "If it doesn't bother you to have eight more sons I would be happy to have one son named after each member of the fellowship!"

     "Slow down!" Estella said. "No thank you, I am perfectly happy with settling for however many children we might be given without aiming for another eight sons before I end my days as a birthing mother."

     "So I figured" Merry said with a laugh.

     "And besides, Sam has already named his sons Frodo, Merry and Pippin! We couldn't have children of our own carrying those names, it would be too similar."

     "I was actually thinking of naming him after Pip" Merry said. "Peredoc. That's not what Sam named his boy."

     "Yet he would never be called anything else than Pippin" Estella pointed out. "No, I'm going to have to say no to that name. We can't have three Pippin in the family, no matter how fond you are of your cousin."

     "You're right" Merry said. "But I do wish you weren't. Always having a little Pippin around me, I would much like that!"

     "If I were you I'd look more to the friends you don't see all the time" Estella suggested. "Just like you named Théodoc after your king. Someone who isn't here, whom you can have with you by naming your son after him. That is what I think."

     "I think you should name him" Merry said. "We already have an Éowyn and a Théodoc, that's enough with the foreign names. You name him after your father!"

     "That I wish not to do" Estella said. "And I do not wish to name him after my brother, your friend, either. I have known all along that if the baby was a lad you would name him after one of your friends, and so you shall."

     "Very well then. If you're sure that's what you want. Do you have any objections to naming him after king Éomer?" Merry asked.

     "Éomac? You already have one child with a name like that, wouldn't Éowyn and Éomac seem a little too similar when there are so many others whom you would like to name him by? What about someone from your fellowship?"

     "Aramac" Merry said after a pause to think. "After Aragorn."

     "Aragorn… Aragorn. I don't think I know that name! But Aramac it is, if that's what you wish. Aramac Brandybuck."

     "Then we have just named him after our king" Merry told her. "Aragorn, whom you've probably heard of as Strider, is none other than king Elessar!"

     "You never cease to surprise me" Estella said. "Now you're friends with our king as well? Well I guess I shouldn't be surprised!"

     "I prefer to think of him as Strider" Merry said. "And he and I travelled long together. To me he is not a king, ranger or warrior, to me he is a brother. I hope you will one day get to meet him, him and Legolas and Gimli, the only members of our fellowship who still walk around on Middle-Earth that you haven't met."

     "Sure…" Estella said, not really interested in meeting them but not wanting to hurt his feelings. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed contently. "I am so tired…"

     "Then go to sleep. Here, let me take Aramac… and you can just drift off to sleep…"

     Gently he took the baby from Estella, who seemed to fall asleep almost instantly. As quietly as he could he left their bedroom and found to his surprise that Pippin and Diamond were still standing right outside.

     "Why hello there…" he said quietly. "What are you two still doing here?"

     "Come to think of it, we're not sure" Pippin said with a chuckle. "Is that the baby? Oh, let me see!"

     "No, this isn't the baby" Merry teased. "We just borrowed this one. Here, have a look… Quite handsome, isn't he?"

     "He looks more like you than Théo does" Pippin said, admiring the new baby. "What's his name?"

     "Aramac" Merry said. "After Aragorn."

     "Only kings and ladies are good enough to give name to your children" Pippin laughed. "I like the name… Your Da will throw a fit though!"

     "Just let him. And I'll have you know that I had a whole other name in mind for him at first, but Estella told me no. She said that two Pippin were more than enough, a third would only create confusion."

     Pippin gave Merry his brightest smile and the sight warmed Merry's heart. Even though the child had been named after someone else he wanted Pippin to know that his first choice had been after Pippin. And the smile on Pippin's face told him how much it was appreciated.

     Seeing how fond Pippin already seemed to be of the new-born child Merry felt sad in the middle of his joy. It was not right that Pippin would never have a child of his own again, and it pained Merry that he was to blame. But there was nothing he could do about it now, other than sharing his own children with Pippin, which he was happy to do. As close as he and Pippin were, it would be a shame if his children didn't come to love their cousin almost as a father.

     Acting on an impulse he offered the baby for Pippin to hold, even though he didn't wish to let the little one out of his arms. But Pippin's happiness over getting to hold the child somehow felt better to Merry than holding Aramac himself. Indeed he would share his children with Pippin, and together they would raise them and Faramir as siblings.

Three days later Merry and Estella returned to Brandy Hall with their new-born baby. The initial attention from dozens of Hobbits proved to be a little too much for the baby, who screamed at the top of his lungs until Esmeralda managed to get Merry and Estella to the nursery and firmly shut out everyone who wasn't part of the immediate family.

     "I was planning on scolding you" she said with her hands on her hips. "But now I find that I can't!"

     A smile formed on her lips as she couldn't resist the sight of her son and daughter-in-law with her new grandson in Estella's arms, admired by his proud parents. She shared a glance with Saradoc, who had also planned on giving especially Merry a piece of his mind, and she could tell that he too was having problems arousing the anger he'd felt earlier.

     "How are Éowyn and Théo?" Merry asked, not taking his eyes off the baby.

     "Just fine" Esmeralda said. "Although very surprised that their parents just left them like that. You two really should have--"

     "I thought you said you weren't going to be mad at us" Merry gently interrupted her. "Where are they?"

     "I sent Marmadoc to fetch them" Saradoc said. "Now let us have a look at this new little one!" He walked up to them and looked over Estella's shoulder at the child. "He's more likeable now that he's not screaming!"

     "Oh, you can't blame him for that" Estella said lovingly. "Imagine the shock of suddenly being in a room filled with noisy people wanting to take a look at you!"

     "You can only blame yourselves for that" Saradoc said. "You created quite the commotion when you left like that! It's the first time I've heard anything negative about you, Meriadoc."

     "They will forget it soon enough" Merry said, knowing very well that they probably never would. "And we're back now, at any rate."

     The door opened and Marmadoc entered with Éowyn and Théodoc, and left again with a bow. Éowyn rushed over to Merry and clung to his leg, and Merry lifted her up so that she could have a better look at her new brother. Théodoc remained by the door, seemingly too shy to go up and see the new sibling.

     Estella walked over to a chair and gently sat down, urging Théo to come over and have a look. Merry put Éowyn down and placed his hands on his wife's shoulders, gazing proudly at his youngest son. Éowyn came over immediately and examined her brother carefully. Théodoc remained by the door until finally Esmeralda lifted him up and carried him over. The boy was a little too shy for his own good, she hoped he would grow out of it soon.

     "Where did he come from?" Éowyn asked. "When did he come?"

     "He came from Crickhollow, just like you did" Merry said.

     "And from Brandy Hall" Estella said with a knowing glance at her husband. "He came three days ago, in the evening."

     "How impolite of him!" Éowyn said. "To come while you were away! He ought to have waited until you were back here!"

     "Don't hold it against him" Merry smiled. "I think he wanted to come to Crickhollow, just like you and Théo."

     "But Brandy Hall is where we live now" Éowyn objected.

     "But we will always have a home at Crickhollow too."

     "What's his name?" Théo asked, finally taking a look at his younger brother.

     "Aramac" Merry said. "After Aragorn, the king of our lands."

     "Aramac" Saradoc said and frowned. "Even for Buckland that name sounds a bit queer."

     "It's perfect" Merry objected. "How can it be queer when the king of Buckland carries the name?"

     "Don't argue over the name" Esmeralda said. "People will soon forget that it's not a Hobbit name, and it sounds more like a Hobbit's name than what you and Peregrin have named your little ones in the past."

     "Yes, Faramir certainly out-queers any name you've given a child" Saradoc said. "Paladin really threw a fit when Pippin announced the name."

     "Faramir is a noble man" Merry said. "The name means faithful jewel, and faithful indeed Faramir of Gondor is."

     "Yes, yes, yes" Saradoc said, bored by the talk of people he knew nothing about. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I shall go find some of our finest wine to celebrate young Aramac's arrival. If you'll excuse me…"

     Saradoc left, and the baby yawned big. He seemed to be getting tired again, and with a second yawn he closed his eyes and went to sleep. Éowyn frowned and shook her head at the baby who didn't act as she thought it should.

     "It is very impolite to fall asleep in front of company!" she said.

     "It's not company, dear" Estella said. "It's family. And he is so little, you see, he hasn't learned yet what one should and should not do."

     "Indeed he hasn't" Éowyn said.

     "He will" Merry assured her. "He will grow up to be just as polite as you are, love. Especially with your help."

     Éowyn nodded and leaned in a bit closer to have a better look at the baby. It was odd to her that this wrinkly little thing could be her brother, he didn't seem the least bit like Théodoc whose skin seemed to fit perfectly and who didn't fall asleep like this without as much as a warning.

     Estella rose and gently put the baby down in the crib which hadn't been used for any of her children yet. It was the same crib in which Merry had slept as an infant, and in which Théodoc's children would one day come to sleep. But Aramac was the first one of their own children to sleep in it, and somehow it seemed suiting. Their first child born to them after their move to Brandy Hall, the first child since Merry became Master of Buckland, being the first of their children to sleep in the old family crib.

     Merry put his arms around her waist from behind and placed a kiss on her cheek. He seemed to be thinking the same thing as her, and together they watched their little boy sleep. With a sting of sadness it occurred to Estella that Aramac was home, right where he belonged. Unlike Éowyn and Théodoc he didn't seem to belong at Crickhollow, things had changed and their lives had moved on. Aramac was part of their future at Brandy Hall, not of their past at Crickhollow, and at that moment Estella knew that when and if she had her fourth child she would be having it at Brandy Hall, where it belonged.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

Please leave a review and let me know what you think! As those who know their appendix know, next chapter (1434) will include Pippin becoming the Thain, and as I said it ought to be up sometime next week!


	6. 1434

**Author's Note**: So we reach 1434! This part is a little different than the others, it includes more of Rose Gamgee and more of the general Hobbits' opinions. It also starts to look into the relationship of Pippin and Estella which I have mentioned in previous chapters. I hope it's not **too** different from the other chapters, it's hard to tell if your own writing changes. And I'm sorry all Pippin fans, but Pippin becoming Thain is not as central in this chapter as Merry becoming Master of the Hall was in the 1432 one.

Oh and about the spelling… *blushes* It's not always the best, is it? English is not my first language and I rely far too much on Word's spell check… But I am always eager to learn, so if you find a word I've misspelled then let me know so I can avoid making the same mistake twice =)

**Disclaimer**: Same as always, Middle-Earth and its inhabitants belong to JRR Tolkien!

 "I'll race you to the bridge!" Merry cried and drove Stybba to a gallop.

     Pippin answered his challenge and together with Fox raced across their favourite meadow, as fast as the pony's four legs could carry them. It was however not fast enough for Stybba, even when Merry held him back a little, and Merry won over his cousin by ten yards. He slowed down to a trot and laughed at Pippin's pretended anger and slowed the pony down to a walk once Pippin and Fox were alongside them.

     It was early June, the sun was shining and everything seemed as it should in the Shire. The grey of winter had given way to the green of summer and the birds were singing in the sky, as happy with the weather as the Hobbits. Merry and Estella had moved out to Crickhollow for the summer earlier that week, and Merry was looking forward to a long summer with his and Pippin's families, getting a break from all the people at Brandy Hall. He knew Estella was glad to be back, but he also knew that for her Brandy Hall was home now, more than Crickhollow was. Merry couldn't quite feel the same yet, but he was happy that she did.

     Merry had spent the previous summer widening the pastures and fixing up the stables, since he still planned on breeding ponies there within the next few years. He had already decided that he would use Stybba for breeding, but he had yet to find a mare which he felt was good enough for the purpose. He would continue looking, but this summer he hoped mainly to get to relax and spend time with Pippin and the children.

     Éowyn would be five this autumn, and she was his constant companion, in many ways filling the void left behind by Pippin. Wherever he went she wanted to follow, and when he worked out in the fields she would walk right behind him and help him out in whatever way she could. In the stables she always helped him with anything she could, and Merry often made up special chores for her to do since he knew that it made her feel useful. The bond between them was very special, she was not only his only daughter and oldest child but also a constant reminder of the woman she was named after. Merry would often lift her up and proudly remind her who she was named after, and tell her stories about the lady Éowyn. This summer Merry planned on finding her a little pony of her own to ride on, it was time now that she learned to ride and got her own beast for the purpose. Estella didn't like the idea much, but Merry insisted. She was named after a horsewoman and so she should be one herself.

     Théodoc was three and a half, and still as shy as ever. He was calm and polite, but hardly spoke a word unless encouraged, something Merry and Estella hoped he would grow out of soon. He often kept to himself and played alone, seeming uncomfortable in the presence of other children except for his sister, even Faramir's company seemed to unease him.

     Faramir, unlike Théodoc, was outgoing, social and curious. With each passing day he became more and more like Pippin, and his grandmother Eglantine had complained that he was going to be just as mischievous as his father. She also complained that he was brought up a little too loosely in Buckland, being able to come and go much as he chose, at least compared to other three year-olds. Pippin ignored her worries, he knew that his son's free spirit was something that should be encouraged, not scolded, and he knew exactly how to keep the child on a leash when it was needed.

     Aramac, the youngest of the children, was fifteen months old and although much more serious than his older sister ever had been he was never as concealed as his older brother. He seemed to fit somewhere in-between, and as he toddled around the smials of Brandy Hall or Crickhollow he always seemed to find something to keep him entertained. He made little fuss over things, and was easygoing most of the time, unlike his older brother who had always had a tendency to be a little cranky.

     Now all four children were together again, under the same roof at Crickhollow, just as Pippin had imagined them growing up. But to his and Merry's disappointment Faramir and Théodoc didn't seem very interested in each other's company, they seemed to have problems understanding one another. Merry and Pippin had often joked while Estella and Diamond were expecting the lads that if they both had lads or both had lasses the two children would be as close as their fathers were, and they both knew that it had been more than just a joke. They wanted their friendship to live on through their children, it would be a shame and a waste if none of their children had a bond equal to their fathers'. But Faramir and Théodoc showed no signs of even becoming friends at all, the two hardly ever spoke unless they were forced to. Faramir had tried to speak with Théodoc at first, but when he got little or no response he soon gave up trying. Théodoc had been more comfortable around his second cousin before the move to Brandy Hall, but now it was as if the young Took was a stranger to him. Merry and Pippin had often sighed over this and tried to break the barriers between the two children, but so far they had had no luck and eventually Diamond had told them to just leave it alone. Either the bond would come on its own or it wasn't meant to be there, either way you could not force such a thing. And they knew that she was right, but it was still with a sigh they looked at their sons who were as strangers with one another.

     Merry shadowed the sun with his hand and turned Stybba around as they reached the end of the meadow. Pippin turned Fox around as well, and gave his pony a pat on the neck. He too was happy that Merry was back at Crickhollow, but this year was not the same as the year before had been. He was getting tired of all the changes going on around him, even though he by now had learned to accept them, but this last one was little to his liking.

     "It's beautiful, isn't it?" Merry asked, breaking the silence. "Buckland… Out of all the lands I've seen nothing can compare to the Shire."

     "It is beautiful" Pippin said and decided that now was a good time as any to tell Merry. "It saddens me so that I shan't be seeing it for much longer."

     Merry's hand fell and he turned to look at Pippin with surprised eyes.

     "Are you going away? Has Strider called upon your service?"

     "No, not Strider…" Pippin said. "But going away I am, at least Buckland I shall leave. When autumn comes, I managed to stall it until the summer is over."

     "Stall what?"

     "The time has come for me to take over my father's office" Pippin said. "I shall be the Thain and The Took soon!"

     "Oh my goodness…" Merry said, completely unprepared for the news. He halted his pony. "How long have you known this?"

     "Only a day before you came to Crickhollow. I was waiting for a good time to tell you, I wanted to tell you alone and not in front of everybody else."

     "Congratulations" Merry said. "I'm very happy for you Pip, you will make a fantastic thain! I know it."

     "Thank you, dear cousin" Pippin said. "The time has finally come… Time for the youngster, the fool of a Took to be the head of his family. Why does it seem all the changes in my life come without me being the least bit prepared?"

     "You are prepared" Merry said. "You know the job, you have great relationships with the kings and lords around us, people listen to your authority already! You can do the job with your hands tied behind your back." He urged Stybba to move again. "So by the end of summer you'll be moving to Tuckburough?"

     "To Tuckburough and to the Great Smials. For the winter in any case. I'll return to Crickhollow in June, like you will" Pippin said.

     "I hope you will be able to" Merry said. "It is easier for me you know, I'm still in Buckland. Tuckburough is further away from Crickhollow, it's not as easy to run your office from here when the areas of your concern are somewhere else."

     "Then I shall ask father to keep an eye on things for me" Pippin said. "It is not something I am willing to even discuss, I shall be spending my summers here for as long as you do Merry. And that's final."

     "I shall be happy to have you here in Buckland" Merry said. "This winter is going to be long and cold, isn't it? Further apart than we have been for years…"

     "I'm going to have to keep myself busy" Pippin said. "I still haven't mastered living life without you, and I doubt I ever will learn. Keeping myself occupied might just be what I need to not be constantly aware that you're not there."

     "Maybe living at Crickhollow's been bad for you" Merry mused. "When you're surrounded by people at the Great Smials you will have an easier time finding something to do to forget for a little while."

     "I do not long to forget" Pippin said. "Just numb the aching loneliness… Oh Merry, we shouldn't speak of such things now, not on such a wonderful summer's day when we have all of summer together ahead of us! Let's just put it all aside for now and worry about crossing that particular bridge when we get there."

     "I think that sounds like a good idea" Merry agreed. "Summer is here, and it is all ours. All our worries can be put aside, nothing is so urgent that we must deal with it now. I've never seen much need in grieving for sorrows that haven't yet arrived. Come, let's gallop back along the meadow, Stybba is looking forward to outrunning Fox again!"

     With a jesting war cry he drove his pony into a gallop, followed by Pippin who was hot in his trails. Indeed they would not worry just yet, the summer day was far too bright and warm for any worries and for three months ahead they would have each other's constant company. Neither one of them wished to spoil that by speaking of matters that would only put dark clouds on their sunny sky. The autumn's problems could wait, for now they would only enjoy summer.

"We most certainly do not do this often enough" Merry decided, to which everyone else voiced their agreements.

     "Indeed this is far too pleasant to only happen once or twice a year" Pippin said and lifted Pippin Gamgee up into his lap. "September 22nd is all good and fine, but why is that the only day of the year when our three families join as one? I say we meet together the 22nd of **every** month, or at least consider it!"

     "You might be referring to that, my dear Peregrin" Merry said with a grin. "But I am talking about the whole arrangement. Dinner outside under the setting sun, how often do we do that? Combining it with a gathering of the Tooks, Brandybucks and Gamgees is only a bonus, though a great one at that."

     "I shall gladly host events like this more often" Estella said and put down a plate of hot corn in front of her husband. "If you take on more of the responsibility than just setting up tables and eating the food."

     "Estella do not let manfolk into the kitchen on such days" Diamond laughed. "For they soon forget that the cooking is for **later**, and soon you find them munching away on anything edible they can find!"

     The last was said with a knowing glance at Pippin which caused everybody to laugh. Diamond had had her hands full all day long keeping Merry and Sam but especially Pippin away from the kitchen. Pippin seemed to have a special talent for sneaking in and stealing something from a plate no matter how carefully Diamond kept a lookout for him.

     "Somebody had to take on the service of tasting all the food, and making sure that it was good enough for the company to eat!" Pippin defended himself with a laugh. "I was doing you all a favour!"

     "Oh so you do not trust in our cooking to be good enough?" Estella teased.

     "I do yours, Estella" Pippin said, and leaned over the table to whisper. "But my wife is not well accustomed to the fine art of baking, at least one might not think so while tasting anything put her pies!"

     "You don't think I heard that?" Diamond asked with a laugh.

     "I did say that your pies are excellent!" Pippin pointed out. "And speaking of which, where is that delicious cherry pie I stole a piece from earlier today?"

     "I'm afraid it never made it past us, Pippin" Sam said and glanced sheepishly at the crumbles that were all that was left of the pie. "See, my children find Diamond's cooking rather tasty as well!"

     "Did you hear that Pippin?" Diamond asked. "**Cooking**! Not only pies!"

     "I never breathed a word about cooking, I only spoke of baking! And on that subject, why did you not bake more than one pie?"

     "Merry" Diamond complained, giving up the fight at the moment.

     "Fill your mouth with apple pie instead of cherry, Pip, and keep it from getting you into further trouble" Merry suggested with a smile.

     "We're out of apple pie too" Sam sheepishly said.

     "All right, that's it!" Pippin said with feigned anger. "From now on, no pie starts out in the Gamgee end!"

     "I'm sorry!" Sam said.

     "Sorry does not fill an empty stomach" Pippin said, still pretending to be upset. "Nothing does that better than a pie, but it looks like I'm left without!"

     "Come now" Rose said. "Let's not quarrel about pies on such a fine day."

     "I'm not quarrelling" Pippin said. "Just setting up some friendly rules. No pie starts at Sam's end of the table!"

     "It's a far too fine day for making up rules too."

     "It is indeed a fine day for a dinner outside" Merry said, looking up at the sky. "And as I said, we ought to do this more often!"

     "Perhaps the weather will be good enough when we celebrate mister Bilbo's birthday!" Sam said.

    "I do hope so, Sam" Merry said and grabbed one of the corns from the plate in front of him. "But enough of this musing over weather for now. All this talk about pies has made me hungry! Where did the butter go?"

     Someone passed him the butter and he greedily began to butter his corn. Pippin helped his young namesake do the same and the two shared a corn while Estella passed the rest around the table. It was a small party by any measures, only six adults and thirteen children present, but the small group managed to make enough noise for thirteen adults and twice as many children. There was singing and jesting and talking all around the table, every once in a while interrupted by a child screaming for one reason or another. Faramir and Sam's son Merry were engaged in a tug-a-war over one of the corns and Daisy, the youngest addition to the Gamgee family, was complaining loudly over the amount of noise and her fatigue until finally Rose took her inside and put her down for the night.

     "Uncle Merry!" Sam's Frodo said eventually, when the eating had ceased for a little while, and crawled up in Merry's lap. "Won't you tell us a story? Oh won't you? One about a dragon, and an Elf?"

     "Now, now Frodo, you can only have one wish at a time" Merry said. "You will have to choose, dragon or Elf?"

     "Elf, Elf, Elf!" cried half of Sam's children.

     "Dragon, dragon!" cried the other half.

     "Now let Frodo decide" Merry said. "Frodo?"

     "I think I wish to hear one about a dragon" Frodo said.

     "Very well then" Merry said, and embarked on a more child friendly version of Bilbo's encounters with Smaug the dragon. The children gathered around him and listened with eyes wide open and ears sharpened. Merry was the Gamgee children's favourite story teller, and they never missed an opportunity to hear him tell one.

     "Dragons and Elves…" Diamond said to Rosie. "You'd think they'd tire after one hundred tellings of the same story."

     "Not Sam's children" Rosie laughed. "They're all as crazy for stories as their father. But Sam usually refrains from telling them, he prefers to recite poetry."

     "Pippin doesn't have much of a poetic side" Diamond said. "And not much of a story telling one either. But he loves to listen to them, just look at him!"

     Rosie laughed and looked at Pippin, who was just as engaged in the story as the child in his lap. One could not tell from looking at him that he had heard the story a million times over since he was a little child, or that he had a far greater adventure of his own in his past. His eyes were as round as the child's and he too gasped at exciting points of the story and seemed anxious to hear what the outcome would be.

     "Tell us more of Bilbo's magic ring!" Goldilocks Gamgee urged when Merry's story had reached its end.

     "No sir!" Sam said, quickly sitting up straight in his chair. "Do not tell them any such stories, master Merry!"

     "And you shouldn't call me master" Merry replied. "But as you wish, Sam. Such a wonderful night should not be spoiled by talking about rings of magic."

     A displeased cry came from all the children, but their prayers had no effect on Merry who refused to tell them anything else. Frodo sat in his lap with a thoughtful look on his face and then looked at Merry.

     "Tell us a story about an Elf!" he said.

     Merry laughed.

     "I asked you to choose between a story of a dragon and one of an Elf!" he said. "I cannot spoil you by giving you one of both!"

     "Please!" young Pippin begged.

     "Indeed, please!" the older Pippin said and they both laid their puppy eyes on Merry who caved with a roar of laughter.

     "I cannot resist those pleads" he said. "Very well then, but only a short one!"

     "Tell us of Legolas!" Éowyn begged.

     "No, I want to hear about Glorfindel!" said Faramir.

     "I shan't tell you of either one of them" Merry decided. "How about you telling them something instead, Pippin, you who seemed so eager to hear a story? Tell them about your encounter with Gildor on your way to Crickhollow."

     "You met an Elf on the way here?" Goldilocks said with amazement in her voice, not having heard the story before.

     "Indeed, your father, myself and old Frodo Baggins spent a night with them" Pippin said. "But I am not much of a storyteller. I don't think I would be able to describe that meeting with the Elves even if I was!"

     "Please" all the children begged, and Merry joined in with a laugh.

     "Maybe Sam can tell you?" Pippin suggested.

     "He'll recite a poem" Rosie whispered to Diamond.

     "My first meeting with an Elf was my meeting with Gildor, or at least the first time I ever spoke to one" Sam said with a distant look on his face. "And it's not something one can describe with simple words." Then he harked and began reciting a poem, but only got through the first line before his oldest son cut him off.

     "Uncle Merry, won't you please tell us a story instead?" he begged. "Father only recites poetry! We want a story!"

     "I'd rather listen to the poem" Merry said and looked at Sam. "You shouldn't discard your father's poetry young Frodo, instead you should listen and appreciate it. Go on Sam! Recite your poem for us!"

     While Sam embarked on a long poetry recital Rosie and Estella decided to take Hamfast and Aramac inside and put them to bed. Rose had heard the poem numerous times before, and Estella had caught Aramac sleeping in his chair.

     They went inside to Éowyn and Théodoc's old nursery and put the children down in one of the beds together. Daisy was already sleeping in the crib, and Estella and Rosie sat by the bed until Hamfast and Aramac were asleep.

     "This is nice" Estella said. "Merry's right, we really ought to see each other more often. I wish for our children to be friends and for us who already are to keep our bonds strong. You and I used to be best friends, now I see you so seldom that I hardly even know what's happening in your life. That saddens me."

     "I too wish we could see each other more often" Rose said. "I hope you do not take this the wrong way Estella dear, but there are times when I wish you hadn't married and moved off to Buckland. I miss my friend, and the children miss their nanny. I miss their nanny too, as a matter of fact."

     "I miss you and your children too" Estella said. "Though I cannot agree with you that it would have been nice if I hadn't married. Strange thing it is though, I had sworn never to get married. And now I cannot picture life without my Merry."

     "I just wished you were around more often" Rosie said. "I see you so seldom now, either we're preparing for a party or you're having a baby when we meet. We have no time to talk, I miss that greatly!"

     "We have time to talk now" Estella said. "Something's bothering you, I can tell. Talk to me, the lads won't miss us outside until they get hungry again! The children are sleeping, nobody is going to disturb us, tell me what's on your mind!"

     "I guess now is a good time" Rose said and sighed. "But I just feel so foolish for complaining about it!"

     "Complaining about what, dear?"

     "You remember when Aramac was born, what we spoke of, you me and Diamond?"

     "We spoke of a lot of things" Estella said. "I'm sorry but you will have to refresh my memory a little."

     "We spoke of children" Rosie said. "I told you I was expecting Daisy."

     "Yes, now I remember" Estella said and nodded. She put her hand on Rosie's. "You're expecting another one?"

     Rosie nodded and began to cry. She didn't mean to but she couldn't help it, and she felt embarrassed over how she acted.

     "Oh Rosie…" Estella said and pulled her into a hug.

     Rosie allowed herself to cry in Estella's arms for a while, soothed by Estella's gentle humming and rocking her back and forth. It felt good to be held and taken care of for a change, and soon she managed to dry her tears.

     "I'm sorry Estella."

     "Don't be" Estella said. "I know how you feel. Éowyn was only five months old when I realised I was expecting Théodoc."

     "But after he was born you didn't have another child for three years" Rosie said. "Goldilocks, Hamfast and Daisy have all come merely a year apart, and now I shall be having another one in January. I cannot do this much longer, Estella!"

     "I know, love…" Estella said and continued to gently rock her back and forth.

     "I love my children, you know I do!"

     "Yes of course."

     "But that only makes it harder. I don't have the time to take interest in what happens in Elanor's life, she is thirteen years old and beginning to go through some changes in her body, she should have her mother there for her. But I barely have the time to talk to her or listen to her. All I ever seem to do is command her to help me out with things around the house, and with her siblings!"

     "It's not as bad as you think" Estella tried to comfort her. "I'm sure you take the time to care for her. And learning to do an honest day's work is not a bad thing!"

     "Frodo is eleven" Rosie continued. "And I hardly see him at all, he is out with Sam in the gardens most of the time. And the horrible thing is that it relieves me, it's one less child to keep an eye on! What kind of a mother thinks like that?"

     "A stressed one, dear. It does not mean that you do not love him."

     "And with Hamfast arriving so soon after Goldilocks I never had the time to really care for her, and then Daisy followed shortly after Ham and the same thing happened again. And now there's going to be a ninth child and I will be in the same situation with Daisy as I was with Ham and Goldie!"

     "Now you listen to me, Rose Gamgee" Estella said. "It will all be just fine. Why don't you send Merry and Pippin to Brandy Hall over a few months this winter? That will give you some room to focus on your littler ones and my Merry and I shall be delighted to have them over. You know what a soft spot Merry has for his little namesake, and it will give them a chance to play with Éowyn and Théodoc, and all the other children at the Hall. It would do them good!"

     "I can't send them away" Rosie said. "They're my children and my responsibility. And I would never hear the end of it if I sent my sons off to stay at Brandy Hall among queer Brandybucks, if you'll excuse me Estella."

     "Feel free to change your mind" Estella said. "A few months at Brandy Hall won't do them any harm. Think about it!"

     "In any case, they are not the biggest problem" Rose said. "It's Goldie, Ham and Daisy. **They** are no problem, it is with me the problem lies. I am their mother yet I do not have the time to spend with them, not as much as such young children need! And now there's going to be yet another one…"

     "I wish I could be of help to you" Estella said. "I wish I could come to Bag End and be your nanny for a while. But I can't leave Merry, or my children for that matter. If I could, I would come stay with you for a while and help easen your burden."

     "Do you want to hear something terrible?"

     "Not particularly" Estella admitted. "But if telling me will lift a worry from your chest then I shall listen."

     "Sometimes I have trouble keeping in mind who has what name" Rosie admitted. "It just slips my mind and I don't know why! Frodo is called Pippin, Rosie is galled Goldilocks, and Goldie in return is called Daisy ever so often… And it breaks my heart to hear them correct me. Their own mother can't keep track of who is who!"

     "You know perfectly well who is who" Estella said. "If their name slip every now and then then that is a different matter. I myself have called Aramac Théo on occasion."

     "And if it only were the problem of finding time for all of them" Rosie said with a sigh. "Oh Estella, you've had children, you know it's not easy. Pregnancy takes a huge toll, worse on me for each child I have, and then there's the matter of the birth. You'd think it would get easier each time but doesn't, I only find it harder on each occasion. I feel like I never get any rest, I never wake up in the morning fully rested, ready to begin a new day. Each time I have a new child I am so happy, but truth be told lately it has taken me a few hours, a day even with Ham and Daisy, before I felt motherly love. Most of all I am just happy to get a few days rest in bed, but after a day I only start to worry. Who's going to change the yearling's diaper, who is going to braid Rosie's hair, who is going to put food on the table? And then I get out of bed a few days later no more rested than when I laid down in it!"

     "Rose, you must speak to Sam about this" Estella said. "Or have you already?"

     "No" Rosie said.

     "Well then you must. You know that he loves you, if he knew how you felt then he would make sure you didn't have another child for a long time!"

     "I don't know how to bring it up with him" Rose admitted. "That's another downside to all of this. I find less and less time for Sam! It seems all the time we spend together is what ends up in another childbirth! And truth be told I find myself disliking those moments. They have lost all the good things they had for me once, all I feel know is worry that I shall be pregnant again."

     "Then you **must** speak with Sam! If he knew how you felt, he would never continue coming to your bed!"

     "How do you tell your husband such a thing?" Rose asked. "He is so happy over every child I give him, and I have never been able to speak with him about our intimate moments. I wouldn't even know how to begin."

     "Do you want me to speak with Merry?" Estella asked. "I could have him speak with Sam about it."

     "No!" Rosie said in horror. "Estella you mustn't! He cannot know!"

     "But he might be able to help you!"

     "How would that look? Having Sam find out about this through mister Merry? You absolutely cannot speak to him about this, promise me Estella!"

     "But Rose, listen to me! I am concerned of your health! Merry could speak to Sam and say that he is too!"

     "He would not have any reason…" Rose said and sighed. "Not yet anyway. I still have my health."

     "It doesn't sound like it, if you pardon me."

     "I admit that it has carried a heavy toll on me" Rose said. "But I am not yet in any danger for my health."

     "And you should never have to be either."

     "The only way I could let Merry speak with Sam is if it were to tell him that having another child after this one would be a serious threat to my health."

     "I'm sorry Rose…" Estella said, hearing the hope in her friend's voice. "But I cannot ask Merry to do that. He would never say anything to Sam that wasn't true, and come to think of it he would probably wish to examine you before saying anything to Sam."

     Rosie looked horrified at the mere suggestion.

     "Estella no! I cannot have him examine me! That would be so…"

     "Inappropriate? Well then, I shan't ask him to. But if I see your health getting worse then I will, you have my word on that whether you like it or not. My concerns for your health are greater than your fears of having a lad examine you. But you must promise me that you speak with Sam! Remember what you said when Aramac was born, no lad would keep looking to his wife for pleasure if he knew the pain of birth!"

     "And I remember you saying that indeed he would" Rose commented.

     "I haven't had as many children as you" Estella said. "And I can assure you my friend, if I were ever in your situation I would let Merry know how I felt. He is my friend after all, as well as my lover, and furthermore you cannot keep something like this to yourself when you are married to someone. It will eat into your love Rose, sooner or later it will. Speak to Sam soon, and maybe this child will be your last."

     Rose nodded and sighed deeply. She didn't know how she would be able to tell Sam, they didn't have the same kind of relationship as Estella and Merry. Even if they once had, Rose had forgotten about it long ago. To her, marriage was now mostly about children, and they kept coming to her in an endless line. How she would be able to tell her husband, who loved all of his children so, that she wished to have no more was beyond her. But she had promised Estella that she would try to talk to Sam and so she should.

It was hard to tell whether or not they had been missed when they rejoined the party outside. It was clear that Goldie needed to be put to bed as well, but Rose declined Estella's offer to keep her company. The two Pippins were working on another corn together, Faramir and little Merry were sharing a piece of pie and Éowyn and little Rosie were whispering together in a corner. Everything seemed to be occurring under Diamond's watchful eye, which was occasionally distracted by Sam asking here for different sorts of food that had been on the table previously but was now most likely inside someone's belly. Estella walked over to her husband, who still had Frodo in his lap, and his smile told her that he had indeed noticed that she had been gone for a while, and that he was happy to see her again.

     "Frodo," he said to the youngster, "I hope you don't mind me kindly asking you to run along now and play with your siblings and friends. I wish to make room in my lap for this wife of mine and I'm afraid that is going to mean that you will have to vacate said lap first."

     Frodo obediently jumped down on the ground and went to find any possible leftovers from the chicken, and Estella sat down in Merry's lap and put her arm around her shoulder. Merry gave her a kiss that lasted a little longer than it normally did on the few occasions he kissed her in public, and put his arms around her. She could tell that he had had a lot of wine to drink and that he was beginning to near the line of more than just tipsy.

     "You were gone for a long time" he mumbled in her ear. "Aramac didn't want to go to sleep?"

     "He fell asleep right away" Estella said. "However I'm worried about Rosie." The last part was whispered in his ear.

     "Later" he told her, knowing that this was neither the time nor the place to discuss Estella's worries.

     "Estella!" Pippin cried. "Have we finished all the corn?"

     "I believe we have" Estella told him and chuckled at his disappointment.

     "It would have lasted longer if you hadn't began eating it hours before the actual party started" Diamond told him and ran her hand through his hair as she passed by him on her way to give Sam some more wine.

     "No corn, no cherry pie…" Pippin sighed. "Well what do we still have?"

     "Apples" Merry laughed and tossed one to Pippin, who barely managed to catch it.

     "Now don't start a food fight!" Estella said in a mildly warning tone. "Anybody who takes part in it will be left to clean up this whole area tomorrow!"

     "It's worth it" Pippin decided and playfully tossed whatever was left of his corn to Merry. Unfortunately he missed and it landed in Estella's lap instead, causing Estella to gasp.

     "Run Peregrin" Merry laughed.

     "Peregrin Took, how dare you!" Estella said and flung raspberry jam on Pippin with the help of a spoon.

     Pippin just stared at her for a moment, having not expected her to respond to the challenge, but then flung another leftover part of a corn at her, to which she responded by sending another apple flying.

     "That does it!" Merry managed to say through his laughter, and lifted Estella to her feet so that he could slink away from the target area. "Pippin and Estella are cleaning up out here tomorrow! Look out little Pip, or you will have half the table in your lap before long!"

     Pippin Gamgee quickly jumped down on the ground and Pippin Took rose and kept throwing food at Estella, who threw food back with the same playful fury. Merry soon fell down on the ground and rolled around with laughter, and the scene was greatly appreciated by the children. Sam and Diamond could do nothing but laugh as well and shake their heads at the two Hobbits flinging food at each other.

     Rose could hear the noise from inside, and stepped out to a scene which surprised her at first but soon only worried her. Merry was still rolling around on the ground, clutching his stomach and gasping for air, and even Sam and Diamond seemed to be enjoying the scene immensely. Pippin and Estella had by now worked their way through corn, apples, jam, jams, pie, cheese and even butter, and both were starting to look rather messy. But it was not the food on them that worried Rose, it was the look on their faces. She had seem them looking this way before, years ago, and it was not a pleasant reminder. What she saw on this night reminded her far too much of when Pippin had been the one courting Estella, and all the laughs the two had shared at that time. It had been Pippin's favourite pastime, to make her laugh, curing his own aching heart that longed for Merry's return at the same time. It had been a wonderful sight twelve years ago, but now it worried Rosie more than she could say.

     At last Estella and Pippin ran out of ammunition, and Merry managed to get back up on his feet even though he couldn't stop laughing. He put an arm around his wife which he quickly retrieved when it immediately got a taste of all the butter, corn and other foods that she had on her at the moment.

     "I will hold you to your word, Estella" Diamond laughed. "Tomorrow you and Peregrin will be doing the cleaning up on your own!"

     "It was worth it" Pippin said.

     "It disturbs me to hear you find such a waste of food worth it!" Rosie said and managed to smile even though she was deeply troubled.

     Pippin grabbed the last food item close to him, a meatball, and flung it playfully at Rosie but missed by a meter and hit the window behind her instead.

     "Pippin will do the windows" Estella declared with a chuckle. "I take none of the blame for that!"

     "You should, you started it!" Pippin said.

     "I most certainly did not!"

     "Well who then?"

     "Merry did" Estella said.

     "Now leave me out of this" Merry laughed. "I was merely helping Pippin to fill his still empty stomach, I am innocent in all of this!"

     "And these are the people who our children look up to" Rose said with a mild shake on her head and a slight smile.

     "We're just teaching them to have a little fun!" Pippin claimed and sat back down on his rather messy chair.

     "Too much fun" Rosie said with a smile.

     "No, just fun with consequences" Pippin laughed.

     "That is relieving to hear" Rose said in jest and playfully bowed to him before finding herself a seat as far away from the battlefield as possible.

     "Now then" Pippin said. "Is there any food left?"

     "Oh no, you're not going anywhere **near** the food my dear!" Diamond said. "You have been in enough contact with it for one night."

     "But Dimesy, I'm still hungry" Pippin complained causing the others to laugh.

     Little Pippin came up to him proudly waving a corn he had managed to find, and with a content cry Pippin lifted the child into his arms and reached for whatever was left of the butter. Estella went inside to wash her face clean of all the food that would have been better off in her mouth, and Merry decided that the surrounding chairs were too filled with food to be likeable to sit on. He sat down on the grass and was quickly surrounded by children asking him to tell another story. Éowyn crept up in his lap and little Merry tried to jump up on his shoulders.

     "Easy now" Merry laughed. "All right then. One more story and then it's off to bed for everyone under ten!"

     He was met with both cheers and boos from the children, who wanted a story but didn't want to go to bed. Merry chose the story of Bilbo and the trolls and soon had them all enchanted with the story that most of them had heard dozens of times already.

     "Sandyman always said that was merely a story that Bilbo had made up" Sam scoffed. "But I always knew it was real! Mister Bilbo was not the kind who would just make stories up, no sir! Even if I hadn't seen them trolls with my own two eyes I would have known it was true."

     The sudden addition to the story that their fathers had seen these stone trolls themselves made the story much more exciting for the little ones, who gave Merry their full attention and had completely forgotten that once the story ended they would all be herded off to bed.

     As soon as the corn was finished little Pippin leapt down on the ground and ran over to join the other children. Estella came back outside, now a little bit cleaner on her face and arms but still wearing her messy clothes. She walked over to Pippin and offered him a bucket of water and a towel as a truce offering, and he took it with a warm smile. Rose eyed the two and felt a nervous sense of familiarity. She didn't like the way Pippin looked at Estella, or the way she smiled back at him for that matter. She glanced over at Diamond, who was getting some more details from Sam about his own meeting with the stone trolls, and then at Merry who was surrounded by children and happily thrilling them with his story. Neither one of them was aware of the looks passed between their respective spouses, and Rose hoped it was all in her head. She had heard it said that old love never dies, and she had also heard it said that you would always love your first love. She saw that Estella was gently helping Pippin clean himself and she felt a worried knot in her stomach at the sight.

Far too soon for anyone's liking autumn came, and with it the clearing of Crickhollow. Merry, Estella and their children were going back to Brandy Hall and Pippin, Diamond and Faramir were moving to Tuckburough. After much debating it was decided that Estella's brother Fatty was going to stay at the hole over the winter and keep an eye on things. The cows and sheep were left in his care while the ponies moved with their masters. Merry had yet to find a mare good enough for breeding, but there were still seven ponies in the stables out of which Merry took Stybba and Estella's pony and Pippin took Fox, Raven and Diamond's beast. Strong and King were eventually left at the hole under Fatty's care.

     Shortly after his arrival at the Great Smials another party was held, not as great as the one on Midsummer's Eve of Merry's fiftieth year, but a lot grander than the party that had taken place at Crickhollow that summer. The party included a ceremony in which Peregrin Took became The Took and the eighteenth Thain of the Took line in replacement of his father Paladin II, and Faramir Took was named the new heir of the family.

     Pippin, Merry and Sam managed to get a few moments alone after the ceremony, hiding under their Elf capes by an outskirt table, and after many congratulations and drinks to not only Pippin's health but in the end more or less everyone the three had ever met, they put their mugs down and ventured into other topics.

     "If only mister Frodo could see you now" Sam smiled. "The Thain and the Master of Buckland! The two rascals who grew up!"

     "And who is in their company if not the mayor of the Shire!" Pippin said and gave Sam a pat on the back. "Good old Sam, I sure do wish Frodo could see you too! Whether or not he would recognise you I don't know though."

     Merry and Sam laughed. Sam seemed to be growing around the waistline more and more for each year, unlike Merry and Pippin who seemed to only grow upward, even if they hadn't done that either for many years now.

     "You and Rosie look fitting together" Pippin continued to tease. "Is that why you keep her pregnant, I wonder! When is the baby due?"

     "January" Sam said and didn't bother to blush. By now they all had children, Sam several, and matters such as reproduction didn't seem as inappropriate to discuss anymore. "I do wish she could be here tonight, but she hasn't been feeling well and it was just as good that she stayed home with the youngest ones."

     "Yes, it is sad that she can't be here" Merry agreed. "I know Estella would have loved to see her, she misses her, I know that much. But you can count on us all to come to Bag End on the 22nd, we can see her then."

     "To Rosie's health!" Pippin declared and lifted his mug once again.

     "Speaking of health, we'd better get back to our wives before our healths are endangered" Merry said. "Disappearing into a corner isn't appreciated much, Estella always tells me that it makes people think of old Bilbo and his disappearing trick on his 111th birthday, and she doesn't want people to think of me and Bilbo's trick at the same time."

     "But old Bilbo used the Ring" Pippin said. "We're not invisible, just hard to spot in our Elf capes."

     "Must we talk of the Ring?" Sam asked. "I would much rather talk of happier things, like Elf capes for instance, or other Elf things, if you follow me!"

     "I agree" Merry said. "Let's have one more drink, to the Elves' and the fellowship's health, and then go see if anybody has missed us and if so how much!"

Only a week before September 22nd an announcement came which surprised most of the Hobbits. It was Thain Peregrin who announced that instead of the annual celebration of Bilbo Baggins' birthday at Bag End, a party would be held at the Great Smials. And not only that, but unlike previous years, when the celebration had been held just between the families of Peregrin, Meriadoc and Samwise it would this year be a bigger party and twelve dozen Hobbits could look forward to an invitation. A _gross_ Pippin had said to his wife, but refrained from using that word in public.

     On the day of September 22nd the 144 invited Hobbits showed up, greatly anticipating the night's events. Nobody knew exactly what was in store and there were lots of rumours going about. Some said it was the 200th birthday of Bilbo, or would have been if he was alive, others who knew better said that it was probably a celebration of Peregrin, Meriadoc and Samwise together reaching an age of 144, but since that wasn't true either nobody knew for sure. Some said it was merely a desire from the three hosts to show off with their money and prestige, others didn't need a reason whatsoever. Any reason for a party was good enough for them.

     Pippin, Merry and Sam let them wonder. During larger part of the dinner they kept in the background, staying at their private table with their families and not giving as much as a welcoming speech. This time Rose was present, though not feeling very well, and with her was all of Sam's children. Even little Daisy was up, sitting in Estella's knee as Rose didn't have much of a knee to offer at the time. The conversation at their table was kept around everyday things, only once or twice there were mentionings of Bilbo or even Frodo Baggins.

     Then suddenly, at the 22nd hour of the day, Pippin rose from his chair and called for silence. 144 pair of Hobbit eyes looked at him with great anticipation and Pippin was unable to resist taking the opportunity to entertain his audience, or would have been if it hadn't been for the pinch he received from Merry who saw where the whole thing was heading even before Pippin could open his mouth. With a hark and a grin at Merry he took on a more serious face and fished out a document from his coat pocket.

     "My dear Hobbits" he said. "My dear Tooks and Brandybucks, and my dear Bagginses and Boffins, and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Gamgees, Bolgers, Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots!"

     "Proud**feet**!" came an objection from a descendant to the Hobbit who had done the same at Bilbo's 111th birthday.

     "Proudfoots" responded Sam and Merry.

     "I hope you are all having a good a time as we are" Pippin continued, consciously echoing Bilbo's speech as well as Sam and Merry had remembered it. "I shall not keep you long. We, the Master, the Mayor and myself, have called you here for a Purpose! Indeed, for three purposes! Or at least one which is threefold, whichever way you want to look at it! As you all know, I stepped into office as Thain recently, and as such I am holding authority in place of the King. The King however, is still much our lord and leader, and as such we should look to him."

     This comment resulted in a few boos from different Hobbits who didn't think any man could handle the Shire better than the Hobbits could themselves.

     "Our King is a noble man," Pippin carried on, ignoring the boos, "and he looks very kindly to us Hobbits. He has left the Shire for us to rule over as we see fit, but still holds his authority to have a say in a thing or two. When doing so, he will be doing it through me, or in some cases the Master of Buckland, Meriadoc! At this time he has alerted us to a such say, and that is why we have called you together tonight. To carry out his orders and make his announcement in his place. As you all know, king Elessar is forbidden by his own law to enter the Shire."

     Whether it was that comment, the promise of an announcement or the ale and wine which made several Hobbits cheer was hard to say, but cheer they did. Pippin bowed and unfolded the document he held in his hand.

     "I here by announce," he said, "as ordered by Elessar King, that from this day forward the Thain of the Shire, the Master of Buckland and the Mayor of the Shire shall be Counselors of the North-Kingdom. At this day and for many years to come that shall mean myself and Meriadoc, and at least for another few years but hopefully many more, Samwise Gamgee. Meriadoc and myself shall pass our counsellorship to our sons one day, that means Faramir Took and Théodoc Brandybuck, while Mayor Samwise will leave the position to his successor. As counselors of the North-Kingdom it will be our duty to speak for all Hobbits, and I can assure you that the King will listen! Now on the day of Bilbo Baggins' 144th birthday, one gross mind you, and Frodo's 66th let us drink to their health! And why not take this moment to remember that today is the 33rd anniversary of Bilbo's great party, one might say that it is coming of age on this day!"

     With that Pippin sat and returned to his dinner, enjoying the effect the way he'd briskly ended his speech had on the Hobbits around him. Every Hobbit at every table was discussing what the Thain had announced, although some focused mostly on what would have been Bilbo's age if he were still alive, and grumpily guessed that the number of guests had been chosen accordingly. Many Hobbits seemed unclear over exactly what a counsellor of the North-Kingdom did, but nobody wished to ask. Many glanced over at the table where the Thain, the Master and the Mayor sat, hoping to find some clue or some sign that there was going to be a second speech to explain the first one, but nothing of the sort came.

     Finally the orchestra began to play again, and some of the debating stopped. It was obvious by now that no further explanation would be offered tonight, and there was still food and drink to enjoy. Over at their table, Pippin, Merry and Sam had great trouble keeping their faces straight and not show their amusement. They knew that by the end of the week the 144 Hobbits present would have spread the word to everyone with ears, thus saving the trio a lot of riding around and announcing.

     "You did well on your speech, Thain Peregrin" Sam said and raised his mug to Pippin. "Especially by including the anniversary of Bilbo's party and reminding everyone that today is mister Bilbo and mister Frodo's birthday!"

     "Yes, and that was the important part" Pippin laughed with jest.

     "I was very impressed Pippin, Sam is right, you did really well" Merry said. "Your much better at giving speeches than my father is at any rate."

     "Now what exactly does a counsellor do?" Diamond asked.

     "I am not too clear on that myself actually" Pippin said. "But I trust that we will find out when the time comes. We are all out of wine at this table, now who let that happen? I should go get some more!"

     "Allow me" Rosie said and rose from her seat before Pippin had a chance to. "Diamond, Estella and I hid a few of the best bottles, I shall go get one of them."

     "Good old Rosie" Pippin said with a grin. "Did I ever tell you what a splendid lass you are? If I haven't before I have now!"

     Rose nodded with a smile and went to get the wine. When she returned she found that Sam was left alone with the children at their table, Pippin, Diamond, Estella and Merry had taken to the dance floor. She spotted them at once, and noticed that they had changed partners for the dance. Merry was dancing with Diamond and Pippin with Estella. Rose looked at Merry and Diamond and smiled, but her smile froze when her eyes fell upon Estella and Pippin. When she had looked at Diamond and Merry she had seen good friends dancing together, definite affection but not of the kind that would be inappropriate. But when she looked at Estella and Pippin she thought she saw something else. They both had their eyes closed and seemed to be holding each other a bit more affectionately than they should. Once again the worry came over her, and she sat down with a frown on her face.

     "Rosie?" Sam said. "Is there something wrong?"

     "I just… I wonder why Merry isn't bothered by Estella and Pippin dancing" she stuttered, knowing instantly that she had said too much.

     "Why?" Sam asked. "That was all over years ago."

     "Yes, but, but if there was a lass you considered marrying before me then I would surely feel jealous if I saw you dancing with her!" Rosie said, knowing very well that that wasn't true. Sam would never as much as look at another lass, especially not if he once had considered marrying her. But she couldn't tell Sam of her worries, he would only get upset with her for thinking anything bad about Pippin.

     She watched the two pairs dance, and when the dance was over she noticed that Estella was still in Pippin's arms when Merry reached her and put a hand on her shoulder. She exchanged a look with Pippin and then danced the next dance with her husband, while Fatty Bolger asked Pippin for a dance with Diamond. Pippin granted his wish with a bow and returned to the table to get some wine.

     "Rosie, have I ever told you what a splendid lass you are?" he asked as he popped down on his chair and poured himself some wine. "If I haven't before, I have now. A toast to your health, dear Rose!"

     "Now don't make me jealous by flattering my wife too much" Sam joked and got himself some wine too. "To Rose and her health!"

     The smile on Rose's lips wasn't genuine, but neither Pippin nor Sam took any notice as they drank to Bilbo and Frodo's health once again and then ventured into other topics. She soon let the smile leave her face and wondered if she should talk to Estella about this or not. She wasn't sure Estella saw what was going on, she wasn't even sure that something **was** going on, and she was reluctant to put any strains on their friendship by wrongfully accusing her of playing with fire. However playing with fire was what Rose felt Estella and Pippin were doing, they had once spoken of getting married and in Rose's opinion should not put themselves in situations which could remind them of that. The best thing would be for the two of them to not see each other, but for as long as Pippin remained Merry's friend such an arrangement wouldn't be possible.

That night, or rather that morning, Pippin laid on his side and lifted himself up, resting his head in his palm, gazing at Diamond with loving eyes. She was fast asleep, completely exhausted after the party, and her brown curls that Pippin loved so much seemed to be everywhere. The quilt was only up to her chest, and Pippin could see her chest heaving with every steady breath. She was a familiar sight in his bed, for seven years she had slept next to him and it amazed Pippin how accustomed he had gotten. He was not used to sharing his bed with others, even as a child he had rarely liked to sleep in the same bed as even his parents. And he was not an easy Hobbit to share your bed with. He dreamed vividly and often moved about while he did, it was only when he was completely exhausted that he kept still in his sleep. Diamond had often complained that she had trouble sleeping next to him as much as he moved around, but truth to be told Pippin had found it difficult to sleep next to her as well. He just wasn't used to constantly having someone next to him in bed and no matter how much he wanted to be near her he felt like once he closed his eyes to go to sleep he wanted more space.

     By now he was used to having her there, he never thought about it anymore. But this night he had, as she had fallen asleep instantly while he still had some awakeness left in him, and he had ended up just looking at her as she slept. She was a very pretty sight, it warmed his heart to look at her. The curly brown hair, the sweet face, the eyes that were closed now, but when open were so light grey that they could almost pass for diamonds when light was reflected in them. At least Pippin thought so, though he had once mentioned it to Sam who had objected and said that only Elves had eyes like that.

     Pippin reached out his hand and gently stroke a curl from her face. Faramir had the same kind of hair as his mother, the same colour and amount of curliness. Pippin's own hair was both darker and curlier, but he liked it better the way Diamond and Faramir had it. He had wished that his son would have her eyes as well, but Faramir looked upon the world with the exact same eyes as his father, though with much more innocence. In most ways Faramir looked and acted like his father, but the hair was Diamonds and it pleased Pippin to see.

     Unable to resist it any longer he leaned forward and kissed Diamond's cheek, hoping it wouldn't wake her up. It did however, and she stirred in her sleep and opened an eye to look at him.

     "Pippin" she mumbled. "Do you ever go to sleep?"

     "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

     "Of course not" she said, not believing him. "What is bothering you this time?" She smiled at the loving eyes that looked at her.

     "Nothing's bothering me…"

     "Then how come you're not asleep?"

     "Today, or tomorrow, depending on how you wish to look at it, it will be sixteen years since I left Hobbiton with Frodo and Sam" Pippin mused. "Sixteen years since I stepped out the door, not knowing where it would lead me."

     Diamond nodded and opened her other eye as well. Pippin's hand returned to her cheek and gently stroke it as he continued to speak.

     "I knew not where it would lead me or into what danger" he said.

     "And if you'd know?" Diamond asked. "Would you still have gone?"

     "Yes" Pippin said. "For Frodo Baggins was my friend. And he still is, though time and distance parts us now. But I left for him, and I would have done so even knowing what I would have to face on the way. He is my friend, and friendship is the most important thing there is! There's nothing greater in this world."

     "What about love?" Diamond asked.

     "Love is nothing without friendship. Love cannot last without friendship."

     "I would have to say it is the other way around. Friendship cannot last without love."

     "Well whichever way…" Pippin said. "It was for friendship and that was reason enough." He was quiet for a minute and just looked at her. "If only I had known then… Out of all the things I would come to see the greatest thing still awaited me here in the Shire. To fall in love, it was not something that even existed in my conscience at the time. But I did fall, and I ended up with a wife and a wonderful little son. I cannot find words to describe what it is like to meet an Elf Diamond, they are somehow beyond description, but I can tell you that not even meeting the lady Galadriel herself made me feel anything greater then when I first saw our son. And yet it is such an everyday thing, people get married and have babies all the time."

     Once again the longing for a second child came over Diamond, but this time she didn't say anything. She didn't want to spoil Pippin's mood, or the cosy atmosphere by addressing the problem of them not conceiving with a second child. For once she wanted to be able to enjoy herself without wondering if this would be the night when their second child was conceived.

     She felt Pippin's lips pressed against her, then his body. And one hour later she could feel his steady breaths tickle her neck as he was asleep on top of her. She let her fingers run through his thick curls, curlier than any other Hobbit's she has ever come across, and wondered about what he had said earlier about love and friendship. Was it love that couldn't exist without friendship, or friendship that couldn't exist without love? Either way she knew they had a marriage filled with both, but it pained her more than she could say that he would never see her as his **best** friend.

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Review please! Let me know what you think! Pippin and Estella's backstory will be explained in the next chapter, which will hopefully be up by the end of the week.


	7. 1435

**Author's Note**: Today I finished my 130th page on this little fanfic… Yikes! Somebody give me a life! Anyway, even with an additional three finished chapters lurking on my hard drive, this will be the last part posted in a while. There are some problems with my Internet server, and I might not have functioning Internet again until October. When I do, I will post the next chapter. This part will as promised feature the back-story of Pippin and Estella, as well as some secrets revealed. Problem chapter, one might say, I don't know if I can pull this type of thing off but you never know before you try, right? Read, review and hopefully enjoy =)

**Disclaimer**: JRR Tolkien owns Middle-Earth and all its inhabitants, all characters featured in this story are his or based on characters of his.

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 "Let me, Rose" Estella offered and took little Rose by the hand.

     "Oh would you please Estella, it would be so kind of you" Rose said with a sigh and leaned back in her chair.

     "Just sit back and rest, dear" Estella said and led little Rose with her to the bedroom the girl shared with her older sister. "I will make sure that little Rose gets into bed, you just sit here and rest love!"

     "Thank you" Rose said.

     Estella nodded with a smile and left with little Rose to get her ready for bed. She had quickly fallen back into her old role as the Gamgee children's nanny, and seemed to appreciate it even more than Rose did, for which Rose was thankful.

     Rose said goodnight to Frodo and Elanor and sent them off to bed as well. It was a bit early, but she wanted to be alone and think and neither child objected. They knew how strict their mother could be, especially right before she had another baby, and thought it best to obey. Rose was glad to be left alone for a while, she wanted some time to think.

     It was January in the year 1435, and Rose would have her ninth child any day. Estella had arrived that very morning to be her midwife, for once getting to return the favour, and although Rose was happy to see her again the arrival of her friend had awoken the worries Rose had had this past year. More correctly, it was how Estella had arrived that worried Rosie. She had been accompanied by Pippin Took instead of her husband, for whatever reason. Rose didn't like to see the two spending any time alone, they were playing with fire whether or not they knew it and by now Rose had decided that maybe she should talk to Estella about it.

     The more she thought of the events that had occurred at Bag End a little more than ten years ago, the more she realised that she didn't know what truly had been going on. She thought she had known, but she was no longer sure.

     Estella had come to Bag End to be their nanny shortly after Frodo's birth, and she had quickly become Rose's best friend. At first Rose had been uneasy with having Estella as her employee, she came from a much finer family than the Gamgees and the reversed roles made Rose uncomfortable, but that had soon changed. Estella had confided in her one night that she never wished to get married, she saw marriage as a cage that kept her from being free and doing what she wanted to do. She didn't see marriage as an arrangement of love, a fact which had slipped Rose's mind until now, and she would much rather be free from having children to raise and a household to run. But if she didn't marry she would have to do something else, and she had chosen to be a nanny. Her parents had probably hoped she would nanny a finer family's children, but going to the Gamgees had seemed like the perfect chance for Estella to gain some freedom from the class society which was subtle but very real. The arrangement had been made through her brother Fredegar, commonly known as Fatty, who was an old friend of Frodo Baggins' and knew Sam through him, Merry and Pippin. It was during that night, when Estella had confided all of this to Rose, that their bond of friendship had been created, the bond that had lasted thus far but would not be put to the test, Rose feared.

     Estella had kept to her decision on never marrying at first, several lads had tried their luck with courting her without being given the time of day. But then Pippin Took had started to visit, heartbroken over Merry's absence from the Shire and seeking comfort. Merry was in Rohan for a year, serving the king, but Pippin had been unable to leave for reasons Rose couldn't remember and was left home alone. He hated being alone, most of all he hated being parted from Merry, and coming to Bag End helped numb his aching loneliness.

     At first Pippin had barely noticed Estella, but soon it had become clear that he was interested in her. And to Rose's great surprise Estella allowed him to take walks with her, bring her fruit, escort her to parties or in other ways court her discreetly. Pippin's charms seemed to be able to penetrate the shield she carried around her and it soon became Pippin's favourite pastime to make her laugh. Sam had told Rosie that he was thrilled, Estella seemed to be able to numb the pain Pippin felt and before February had come to an end, Estella allowed Pippin to kiss her. Estella had told Rosie that it was nonsense each time Rose tried to bring up the subject of marriage, for it was clear that sooner or later Pippin was going to ask. Estella said she still refused to get married and that Pippin was merely a good friend of hers. Rose knew that at least the last part wasn't true, and she wondered what Estella would say when Pippin asked for her hand.

     As it turned out, Pippin never got the chance. One stormy April night the front door was flung open and in came Merry and about two dozen leaves that were still laying on the ground from last fall. After laughingly scolding Pippin for not having been at Crickhollow to greet him he was properly welcomed and parked first by the supper table and then by the open fire.

     His eyes fell on Estella at that time, and he leaned over to her and asked her something which Rose never found out what it was. It had been an innocent question, Merry had asked if she was indeed the sister of Fredegar and added that she had done a lot of growing up since the last time he'd seen her, but Estella had chosen not to tell Rose about it. For some reason it had made her blush and she felt awkward talking about it, as if she was giving away a secret.

     There had obviously been something about Estella which had charmed Merry, and seemingly something in him which had charmed her. Pippin didn't seem to notice it, and Merry didn't see that there was something going on between his dearest friend and Estella. Pippin had been too busy bothering about his beloved cousin's return to have the time to notice anything else, he was practically sitting in Merry's knee, never talking his eyes off him. Estella on her part didn't let her eyes off Merry much either, and it almost seemed as if when he told Pippin and Sam about the doings and healths of their friends he was directing every word to her.

     Rose knew nothing of what had happened when Merry found out that Estella was courted by Pippin, or even much of what had taken place between the three during the following months. Estella had said very little, it was clear that she was embarrassed over the situation, but Rose had always assumed that her silence had much to do with feeling guilty toward Pippin. Rose had been convinced that Estella had fallen head over heels in love with Merry, especially after it was announced on Elanor's following birthday that on the last of June Estella and Merry were to be married.

     Sitting alone in her chair, Rose was starting to wonder more and more. Estella had once said that marriage was not an arrangement of love, something which Rose had forgotten almost as soon as Estella had said it but now it came to her attention again. She had found out from Sam once that Merry's parents had been an arranged match, the heir to the mastership of Buckland and the youngest daughter of The Took. Sam had told her that when she had pondered over how some could have several children and others only one or two, apparently Merry's father and mother had produced their heir and then chosen not to be intimate with each other anymore. Estella claimed that even if that were true her parents-in-law were now very happy together, but it was not unusual that love came long after the wedding according to her. Rosie wondered if it was not the same case with Pippin's mother and father, who hadn't had any other children after the birth of their first son. She had never asked, but she had her suspicions. And if both Merry and Pippin came from arranged marriages it seemed odd to Rose that they both had been able to marry freely out of love, even if that fact hadn't occurred to her earlier.

     Rose didn't doubt Merry's love for Estella, she never had. And up until now she hadn't doubted Estella's love for Merry. She knew that Estella loved him now, but Estella had said herself that love could come **after** the wedding, and it worried Rose to wonder what had really been going on back in 1424 when Merry had returned from Rohan. It was probable that Estella's parents had planned to arrange a marriage for their daughter, Estella had hinted it to Rose when she first came to Bag End, and if that had been their intention they must have approved of her courtship with Pippin. But then Merry came along and quickly fell in love with her, and it was much understandable that the Bolgers would like to marry their daughter with someone from Buckland. If she married Pippin she would move to Tuckburough, which was further away. Could it be that the marriage had been an arrangement? Her parents would surely prefer if she married Merry and stayed close. It would never have taken place if Merry hadn't fallen for Estella, if he hadn't she would have married Pippin, but did Estella marry Merry out of her own free will?

     Rose's thoughts were interrupted by Estella's return. Estella sat down in a chair and went on with her knitting while she told Rose that little Rosie was now in bed, all the younger children were sleeping and Frodo and Elanor were on their way to bed as well. Rose took a deep breath and decided that it was now or never.

     "There is something that I must speak to you about, Estella" she said. "It's a matter that has deeply troubled me for some time now, it is not pleasant to speak of but as your friend I feel that I must!"

     "Is something wrong?" Estella asked with a worried frown.

     "That is what you must tell me. I hope you can forgive me for taking such a leap into your personal life, but I do feel that I must!"

     "Well then talk to me!" Estella said. "What is bothering you?"

     "I've been thinking… about that winter after Frodo had been born. The first year you were my nanny. Do you remember?"

     "Of course I remember, I will always remember" Estella said and went back to her knitting. "What about that winter?"

     "You and Pippin were an item that winter, were you not?"

     "That was a long time ago."

     "I was under the impression that you were in love with him" Rose said, deciding that she couldn't beat around the bush. "And I believed that he would ask you to marry him, and you would say yes. You loved him, did you not?"

     "One winter is hardly enough to know" Estella said, knowing that it wasn't true. She sighed. "I cared deeply for Peregrin, you know that!"

     "And then Merry came."

     "And then Merry came."

     "Estella, you seemed to fall out of love with Pippin very fast, and in love with Merry even faster."

     "What are you accusing me of?" Estella asked, on her guard.

     "Nothing, friend" Rose said. "I never questioned your feelings then, although perhaps I should have. As of lately I have."

     "I don't understand" Estella said.

     "I have seen you with Pippin lately" Rose said. "I have seen you look at each other and laugh together as you did that winter."

     "Is that so strange? I still care for him. He is a friend."

     "Is it more, I wonder?"

     "Rose don't be absurd!" Estella said, upset by the conversation. "I love my husband, you know that I do!"

     "You loved Pippin once. I was there that night when Merry returned, I--"

     "If you were indeed there then you should know that he captivated me from the first glance" Estella said.

     "Yes, he certainly enchanted you! But there's a difference between being in love and being enchanted with someone. And you were in love with Pippin."

     "Do not say another word, Rose, or we shall have trouble remaining friends!" Estella said, feeling tears burning in her eyes. "Oh you fool, do you not know that I love my husband? Yes I care for Pippin, I care very deeply for Pippin, but I **love** my husband! What was between Pippin and me that summer, it is no more! Pippin is not in my heart that way, only my husband is and you should know that!"

     "I know that arranged marriages aren't uncommon among the Brandybucks and the Tooks, or the Bolgers for that matter" Rose said straight out. "It concerns me that you might still have feelings for Pippin, that your marriage to Merry was an arrangement."

     "I love him!"

     "Is it not possible that you took your feelings for Pippin and moved them over on Merry when the marriage was arranged?"

     "Rose stop it, you are out of line! I will not have you speculate on my marriage like this, nor of my feelings for my husband!"

     "Say his name."

     "Pardon?"

     "Your husband. Say his name" Rose urged. "You haven't yet said it since we begun this conversation, but Pippin's name has been said a lot."

     "Meriadoc" Estella spat out. "And this conversation is **over**!"

     Estella fought hard to keep her tears at bay. Rose's accusations, for that's what Estella felt they had been, had come so sudden. But what hurt her was that it had awoken doubt. Rose watched her carefully, even less at ease now than she had been. Estella had never denied that the marriage was an arrangement.

Four long days later Rose had her ninth child, with Estella as her midwife. She was handed the child, a lass, and tears started to fall down her cheeks. She looked at the lass whom she had already picked out a name for earlier, she had decided that if she had a daughter she would name her Estella. But now she wasn't sure, Estella's and her friendship had changed since their discussion a few nights earlier. Estella was more withdrawn now, and Rose knew she had crossed the line. But she had done what she had done out of concern for her dearest friend and she would not have it undone.

     "How do you feel?" Estella gently asked and sat down on the corner of the bed instead of going to get Sam.

     "Tired… weak… happy… sad…"

     "It will be alright."

     "Yes I know… Yet it feels as if my youth is so far away now. The healthy, strong lass I once was is gone and all that is left is this weary mother of eight, **nine** children. I cannot help but miss that lass from long ago."

     "You shouldn't grieve over that, dear."

     "I know that it's foolish. But I still feel sad."

     "I hope the darling little lass can comfort you" Estella said.

     "She is darling, isn't she?"

     "Sam will be bursting with pride."

     "I want her to have your name" Rose said and looked Estella in the eye. "I want her name to be Estella."

     "You don't have to name your daughter after me Rose just because we had an argument" Estella said.

     "I've been thinking about it ever since this summer" Rose said. "But I want to know what you think."

     "I think you should find another name for her" Estella said. "I cannot name my daughter after you, it is not fair for you to name yours after me, if I named a child after you I would never hear the end of it from Merry until he got to name a son after--" She cut herself off and looked away.

     "After Pippin. You can say his name Estella, I won't accuse you of anything."

     "You should name her after yourself" Estella said.

     "I already have a daughter named Rose."

     "You may be weary and tired Rose, but you are still in your prime, and you have given life to a healthy daughter. Her name should be thereafter. Primrose. It sounds almost like Prime Rose."

     "I like that name" Rose said.

     Estella nodded. She had planned on naming her own daughter Primrose, that was the name she had picked out for her third child which had turned out to be a lad. But it had been a name which Pippin had mentioned to her once during the winter they had courted, when he was playfully listing the names of all the children they could have. Most of the names had been far too weird for her, who had ever heard of a Hobbit named Legolas, but Primrose had been much to her liking. Suggesting the name for Rose's daughter was a way of distancing herself from her winter with Pippin, and it had occurred to her how inappropriate it would be to give Merry's daughter a name which Pippin had chosen for his plausible daughter with Estella.

     "Primrose it is then" Estella decided.

     "Primrose Estella" Rose corrected. "Primrose Estella Gamgee."

     "Very well then. Let me go get the anxious father."

     Rose watched her leave with a sigh. Something had been ruined, she could tell. Their friendship had taken a hard blow and Rose feared it would never recover to what it once had been. Was it worth it? She hoped so. And she hoped that all Estella needed was time to think about what they had spoken of, Rose had the feeling that she didn't want to. But maybe if she thought it through and found out for sure whether or not any of what Rose had said had been true things could be as before between the two friends. Estella would certainly need a friend by her side if she came to the conclusion that she loved Pippin still. Rose sighed deeply and closed her eyes hard, wanting to shut away the thoughts. What had she done?

"This must be the coldest summer ever" Pippin complained and buttoned his shirt. "I know it is the last week of August, but it should not be rainy, windy and barely five degrees outside, not even at this hour! What a terrible year for the crops…"

     "If I'm not mistaken I'd say that Thain Peregrin is anxious to get back" Diamond said. "Could it be that he is looking forward to leaving Crickhollow and going back to the Smials to watch over the crops?"

     "You know I'm not" Pippin said. "No matter what happens, Crickhollow is where I wish to be if Merry is here."

     Diamond sighed. She was getting sick and tired of this by now, for the past three years she had heard nothing but how Pippin missed his cousin. It was getting tiresome, she wished he could focus on other things for a change. Especially their problems with conceiving. Faramir was less than a month away from his fifth birthday and Diamond was not yet expecting their second child. But the only thing about it that seemed to worry Pippin was her talking about it, and she was getting tired of it. As much as she listened to his longing for Merry she felt he could at least listen to her worries over their child situation. It was as much his situation as hers, and she knew he wanted more children so she couldn't understand why he was reluctant to discuss it.

     "If summer has been this cold I hate to see what winter will be like" Pippin said and grabbed his braces.

     "It's been five years since there's been any snow" Diamond said. "Before that we had five winters without snow. Maybe it's time for snow again?"

     "I hope not" Pippin sighed. "Winter is going to be long and cold no matter what the weather brings."

     "Will you cheer up?" Diamond sighed. "One might think that your whole life is ending just because you're moving back to the Smials when the week is over. You're like a bear who hibernates all winter and only lives up during three short months of summer! You cannot live for only three months of the year, I could go through a full pregnancy during your months of hibernation! Though I don't, and that doesn't seem to worry you."

     "Must we talk about that?"

     "It would be nice for a change! All we talk about otherwise is Merry, Merry, Merry… I never expected that you were like that!"

     "Like what?"

     "Some little boy who needs to hold his mother's skirts! Although instead of a mother's skirts it's Merry's cape! When are you going to realise that life does not end whenever Merry is further away than fifty yards?"

     "Do not question my friendship with Merry or my need for him" Pippin said, not liking the comments. "I need him."

     "**I** need **you**!" Diamond said.

     "You have me."

     "But I don't need Merry."

     "Diamond what are you talking about?" Pippin asked, getting tired of the conversation that was turning into an argument.

     "I'm saying that what I need is just **you**, not Merry as well!"

     "You have me. You married **me**."

     "And Merry along with it. I married Peregrin, but I seemed to have gotten Meriadoc as well. He always stands like a shadow with us, he is a third person in a marriage where there should only be two!"

     "That's crazy, my friendship with Merry has no effect on our marriage."

     "How can you be so blind as to think that?" Diamond asked. "Don't you see it yourself? You're always with him, and when you're not you're either talking about him or sulking because he's not there. Whatever we talk about you manage to incorporate Merry somehow, whatever we plan to do Merry has something to do with it, it is always, always, **always** Merry!"

     "He is half of me" Pippin said. "It's how it should be that I speak of him."

     "I guess he is, isn't he? He is your better half, not me. Sometimes I wonder if you even know I exist."

     "What are you talking about? You're talking crazy. Why don't you tell me what this is really about instead of making it about Merry."

     "It **is** about Merry" Diamond said.

     "No it isn't."

     "Fine then" Diamond said and crossed her arms. "Then I suppose it's about our family. And since we have agreed that it's not about Merry then would you please be so kind as to leave him out of the discussion?"

     "Diamond stop beating around the bush and talk straight with me" Pippin said, calming down a bit now that Merry seemed to be out of the line of fire.

     "Faramir will be five soon. We should have one more child by now, two even! Yet nothing, nothing happens."

     "It will be all right, Diamond" Pippin said and seemed to think that was the end of the discussion.

     "No it won't be" Diamond said. This time she was not going to give in.

Estella hummed to herself as she continued with her knitting. She was seated in a wicker chair by the fireplace, working on a pair of mittens for Éowyn as the upcoming winter seemed to be requiring such. Merry was curled up in his favourite chair, reading a letter and sucking on his pipe. Every now and then he would take the pipe from his mouth, hum along with her for a few notes and then stick it back into his mouth and turn the page. The room was filled with peace, it was just a few days before they would move back to Brandy Hall and still it was summer, but it felt like winter. The cosy fire, the cold weather outside, the whole atmosphere reminded Estella of the long, cosy winter evenings by the fireside. The children were asleep and soon she and Merry would go to bed as well, at the moment they were just enjoying the serenity.

     Suddenly the calmness was broken by angry voices as Diamond and Pippin entered in the middle of an argument. Neither one of them had expected Merry and Estella to still be there but by the time they noticed their shocked friends it was too late. Their friends had already heard their argument, and the sight of Merry and Estella seemed to only anger Diamond more.

     "Five years Peregrin" she angrily said to her husband. "You tell me how you can still be so calm when it's been five years since we had our child!"

     "You cannot change that fact by arguing with me" Pippin replied. "And especially not in front of our friends."

     "Why do you care, I thought nothing you could say or do in front of Merry would change your friendship." She glared at Estella. "Not even Merry marrying **her**!"

     "Leave them out of it!" Pippin said.

     "I never did figure out how you got over the lass you probably intended on marrying" Diamond said, not caring that the lass in question was in the room. "How you suddenly could love me instead of her. Maybe you never did?"

     "That's **enough**!" Pippin said with a warning tone in his voice.

     "Maybe what you've ever felt for me is what you felt for her transferred onto me!"

     "That is **crazy** and you have no means for such a statement! I love you more than I ever loved Estella! Even when you act like this and yell at me for something I cannot change. I cannot change that Faramir hasn't had a sibling yet!"

     "But I know that you want another child" Diamond said. "And you are sorry, aren't you? Sorry that you didn't hold on to Estella and marry her, for at least she would have been able to give you a child a year if it had pleased you!"

     "Diamond **quiet**!" Pippin cried.

     "Diamond let him be!" Merry said and flew from his chair. "It is not Pippin's fault that you cannot have another child, it's **mine**!"

     "Indeed it is! Had you not married the lass he was practically betrothed to he could have had **ten** children by now instead of just one!"

     "He still could have with you if it weren't for me!" Merry angrily said. "Do not accuse him for what is **my** fault!"

     "Merry, **no**!" Pippin begged.

     "Stay out of this, Merry" Diamond said. "It is none of your concern, stop fighting all of Pippin's battles for him!"

     "I do not, for he can do it much better himself" Merry said. "But I left you barren Diamond and Pippin had nothing to do with it!"

     "What?"

     "It was me, **I** am to blame! The night when Faramir was born I saved him but I took all of your unborn children in the process! You are barren Diamond, I left you unable to conceive with child, and though I much regret it it was not something that I did intentionally or something that I can change."

     "No" Pippin whispered to Merry and shook his head, tears appearing in his eyes.

     "You are lying to protect him" Diamond said, not sounding sure.

     "I am not. Ask your sisters, they were there." He paused. "I'm sorry."

     Pippin hid his face in his hands and Diamond stared at Merry in shock. A complete silence fell over the room, which Estella broke when she threw her knitting to the floor and fled, tears in her eyes. Pippin walked up to Merry and placed a hand on his shoulder and looked him into the eye. The look told Merry that Pippin was not mad with him and that he had done nothing wrong at Faramir's birth. But now the secret was out in the open and Pippin would have to deal with it. It was however Pippin's problem since it had been his decision to keep it from Diamond, not Merry's, and even though Merry had spilled the beans Pippin wasn't mad at him.

     "I have to see how Estella's doing, she seemed upset" Merry said and left in the direction Estella had taken.

     Pippin looked at Diamond for a few seconds, her shocked eyes looking right back at him. For a few moments he wondered if he was looking into the eyes of a stranger. Then he turned and left as well.

Merry found Estella weeping in the room where Éowyn had been born, and he slowly walked up to her. She was facing the window so he couldn't see her face, but he could hear her crying and see her shaking with sobs.

     "Estella are you alright?" he asked.

     "How could she say that?" Estella sobbed. "I thought I was her friend! How could she say such horrible things about me?"

     "I don't think she meant it."

     "She did! She did mean it. She worries that Pippin still loves me and she hates me for having given you three children while she's only given Pippin one!"

     "Now, now" Merry said. "She didn't say that. She does not hate you, she is just upset. I cannot justify what she said, but I don't think she meant it Estella."

     "She was my friend" Estella sobbed. "All these years… I thought we were friends. But if she thinks that Pippin wishes I was his wife then how can she think of me as her friend? I am nothing but a rival to her!"

     "Do not let it upset you" Merry said and put his hands on her shoulders. "You must promise me that you won't let it upset you."

     But Estella couldn't help it. Diamond's words had hurt her deeply, and they had scared her. She hadn't been able to forget what Rose had said to her before Primrose's birth and Diamond's words had made her worry. She worried more than she could say that there might have been some truth to Rose's words to her, and no matter how hard she'd tried during the spring she hadn't managed to keep the thoughts at bay. She thought about it more and more often, and it scared her to doubt her relationship with Merry.

     She turned around and looked at him, the lad she had been married to for ten years exactly and with whom she had three wonderful children. She knew Merry's face so well, the cheeks, the mouth, the chin, the nose, the scar above his eyebrow, the eyes … So different from Pippin's and yet they were part of the same. Merry had always been able to offer her comfort and now that she desperately needed it she looked for it.

    Merry placed his hands on her cheeks and with his thumbs gently dried a few tears. She did love him, she was certain that she did, she had been for so many years now. The winter with Pippin and the feelings they had shared were over. Weren't they?

     "Darling don't you cry" Merry said in that soothing voice that always helped her. "Dry your tears, it will be alright."

     "I love you" she whispered.

     "I know" he said.

     "You… I love you…"

     She stood on her toes to reach his lips with hers and kissed him with all of her fear, anxiety, hurt, insecurity and love, clinging to him like he was her last hope. Merry let his hands fall down to around her waist and responded to her kisses with a calmness and gentility that soon managed to calm her down. She needed to feel him there with her, needed to kiss him and know that he was real, and hopefully know that he was the only one in her heart. And Merry responded, only thinking it was Diamond who had upset her, knowing nothing of what more there was.

     They broke the kiss and she stared at him with wild eyes. His eyes were the same as always, it took a lot to get him upset and little to calm him down again. In his eyes she could see that he was longing for her, but also that he had other things more important to tend to before he could go to bed.

"Wait for me, I don't think I'll be long" Merry said a short while later as they walked hand in hand to their bedroom. "I just need to find Peregrin and see that he is okay. If he wants to talk I'll be longer, then you don't have to wait for me."

     "I hope he is okay" Estella said and stopped outside their bedroom. "You go find him. I'll wait for you."

     Merry gave her a kiss and then wandered down the hall toward Pippin's study. Estella took a deep breath before she went inside their bedroom. She closed the door behind her and recoiled when she found Pippin there, sitting in Merry's wicker chair with his back turned at her. He turned around at the sound of her entering.

     "Estella!" He rose. "I apologise. I came here waiting for Merry to be back, I didn't mean to intrude!"

     "It's no problem."

     "I apologise anyway. I can see that you've been crying" Pippin said and looked sad. "I am so sorry, Estella. Diamond should never have said those things she said. She was mad at me, not at you."

     Estella nodded, unable to answer or her tears would start to fall again.

     "It was unfair of her" Pippin said. "I cannot understand that she did that. How could she take her own jealousy and throw it over to me? I am not the jealous one, but she apparently is. She has no right to accuse me of her jealousy, and no right to hurt you to get to me."

     Estella didn't answer. Pippin took a step closer to her.

     "I have never seen it before, but she is jealous! How could I not have seen this before, it is so obvious to me now! She is jealous of you and I and what we once had. She doesn't see that it is folly, you and I were over a decade ago and you are married to my best friend. Diamond has nothing to be jealous of, and how she can accuse me of her jealousy is beyond me. She has no right to appoint it to me, to claim that I am jealous of Merry for being with you! I could never be jealous of Merry!"

     Estella nodded. That seemed to be all he wanted from her, a nod here and there and for her to listen.

     "She doesn't see, and why I cannot understand. I was not involved with you when I met her, that was in my past, what does she know about what it was like between you and I? Yes I loved you once, but then Merry came into the picture. I love you still Estella, I don't want you thinking that I don't, but it's not the same. What you and I had will always be something I will treasure, you were my first love and that's hard to forget. But that doesn't mean that I love Diamond any less, or you any more than her! Diamond is my wife and I am glad she is!"

     Estella nodded again. She wasn't paying much attention anymore to what he was saying, she was starting to worry. Once again hers and Pippin's courtship had been brought up and now by Pippin himself, who claimed to still love her. Estella lost the ability to keep her worries and thoughts away and they all came crashing down upon her. What if she still loved Pippin, what if she had never stopped? What if it was indeed as Rosie said, that her love for Merry was actually her love for Pippin? What if they were all right, what was she to do then? What would she do and who would she turn to? She was losing her balance in life, the ground seemed to be shaking under her feet and she couldn't lean on the one she had leaned on before because now she was doubting that her feelings for him were genuine.

Merry found Diamond in Faramir's nursery when he came looking for Pippin. She was sitting by her son's bedside, silently watching him as he slept. She looked up when Merry entered but he couldn't tell what she was thinking by the look in her eyes. Most likely her mind was on her son and how he would always be her only one. He decided to make a quick exit, he didn't wish to spend more time with her at the present than he needed to.

     "Sorry" he said. "I came looking for Pippin. But I see that he's not here."

     "No he's not" Diamond said. "And I don't know where he is."

     "Faramir is a wonderful lad" Merry said after hesitating on his way out the door. "You are very lucky to have him, Diamond."

     "I know."

     "What I told you earlier was the truth" Merry went on, deciding to take this confrontation with her now and not later. "It is my fault. Faramir was breech you see, and while I was turning him right I…"

     "Does it matter?" Diamond asked with a toneless voice. "Whatever you did, I'm unable to have another child."

     "I am so sorry, you have no idea how sorry" Merry said. "I have regretted it so often! If only I could have it undone!"

     "Then Faramir would be dead and so would I" Diamond sighed. "I know that. And yet it hurts so bad… All I've ever wanted was to be with Peregrin and have children with him! Why did it have to be like this?"

     "I don't know" Merry said.

     "I apologise for what I said about Pippin and Estella, but it's hard to know that the one he once loved could have given him what I cannot!"

     "Estella couldn't have given him Faramir" Merry said. "Only you could. And you did. And you could offer Pippin a **gross** of children with another lass, he would still want Faramir instead. You know that."

     "Pippin said something like that to me once" Diamond said. "Years ago. I had almost forgotten…"

     "Then you know it's true."

     "He said that to me before Faramir was born. Now I wonder… He loves Faramir so much, I know how he longs for more children."

     "He can't have any" Merry said, knowing that it was a bit brutal but that it was better to be straight.

     "He most certainly can" Diamond said. "It is **I** who cannot."

     "Then Pippin can't either" Merry said. "It takes two."

     "Pippin and whichever lass he chooses."

     "He has chosen you. And he would not undo that choice even if he could."

     "Has he known?"

     "Yes" Merry admitted.

     "Of course he has" Diamond scoffed. "You could never keep something like that from him. He can keep it from his wife, but that doesn't seem to be as much of a problem. Peregrin has known all along that I cannot give him what he so eagerly wants… I wonder if there might not be truth to what I said about your wife after all."

     "Diamond don't!"

     "With her he could have had as many children as he wanted" Diamond said. "And it wouldn't be like having them with a lass at random, he loved her!"

     "**Loved**, Diamond, **loved**" Merry said. "Not loves. Loved."

     "The thought must have entered his mind a million times. He married the wrong lass, the one who couldn't--"

     "Would you stop it" Merry angrily cut her off. "Just stop, you have said enough things tonight that you will come to regret bitterly, don't say anything else! What's done is done, what's happened has happened. Would Pippin lie to me? He has said to me that he loves you very much, do you think he would lie?"

     "I don't think he would tell you if he loved your wife."

     "Stop it, I will hear no more of it! This isn't about Pippin and Estella, it's rather about me and you."

     "Don't flatter yourself."

     "**I** am the reason why you cannot have another child, Pippin has--"

     "Pippin has known this all along. From the day Faramir was born, I should assume" Diamond said.

     "Yes" Merry confirmed. "He has. And it has changed nothing."

     "All these years he has known…" Diamond said. "He has known and he has not told me. Why hasn't he told me Merry? You know why, I know you do, so don't tell me that you have no idea. He can tell you things that he cannot tell his wife."

     "Pippin thought it was best this way" Merry said.

     "Best? How can it possibly be **best**?"

     "Remember Diamond that he has known all along that he won't have another child. He has had to live with that for five years, you have lived with it for twenty-five minutes. What you're feeling now is what he wanted to spare you from."

     "How do you know what I am feeling?"

     "He wanted you to be able to still believe. Every time he's looked at Faramir he has known that he will never have another child, while you've been able to hope for one when you've looked at your son."

     "Hope…"

     "He wanted you to have hope. He wanted to spare you from the knowledge that it would never happen for you again."

     "Hope… Such cruelty! He has allowed me to hope, allowed me to believe, allowed me to be frustrated and sleepless just wondering time and time again why I haven't gotten pregnant again! Cruel, that's what hope is, mark my words!"

     "Would you have been any more at ease if you had **known**? Known that there is not even a chance?"

     "At least it would have spared me all the questions why."

     "Don't be daft! The question Why will always be there, only now you'll be asking it over different things. Why did things go wrong, why did this have to happen to you? The questions Pippin have been asking himself for five years."

     "No wonder he's been acting so odd every time I've talked about why we haven't conceived yet."

     "It's been harder on him than you might think, Diamond. He's thought of telling you, but in the end decided not to. I should have honoured that decision, but I didn't."

     "Oh don't you worry" Diamond said with a quippy tone. "He'll forgive you. There is nothing so bad that Peregrin cannot forgive Meriadoc for it. Am I right? Not even taking away the lass he was going to marry."

     "Leave Estella out of it, she has nothing to do with all this!"

     "It fascinates me" Diamond said. "All I ever hear is how good friends you two are, yet you could do something like that to him!"

     "You do not have all the facts" Merry said. "And I never touched Estella until I had Pippin's blessing."

     "He should never have been forced to give it to you" Diamond said. "He should have gotten to stay with her and marry her and have all the children he could possibly ask for, not step back and watch as his best friend got what he longed for himself."

     "Do not say such foolish things, it is nonsense" Merry said. "Nobody forced Pippin to do anything he didn't want to. My love for her was stronger than his was, and she loved me too."

     "Did she not love Pippin?"

     Knowing that he couldn't answer no to that without lying, Merry chose a different approach to get through to her.

     "Had he stayed with her he would not have married you!"

     "That is exactly my point!"

     "Fool of a Took!" Merry scoffed. "Listen to yourself! You are telling me that you wish your husband had married someone else. Do you not love him?"

     "Yes I do" Diamond said and Merry could see that her eyes were tearing up. "I love him so much."

     "Then--"

     "Don't you see, Merry? You who claim to love him too! Estella would have been able to give him what he wants so badly, a dozen children or more! I know how much he wants that, and that is what I have always wanted to give him, but I can't. Don't you see? Don't you know what it's like to love someone so much that you want them to have their dreams come true, even if it means that you're no longer in the picture?" She scoffed. "Of course you don't. You who couldn't even let him have Estella."

     "Diamond I apologise" Merry said. "I… I had no idea that's how you felt. Pippin can be lucky to have a wife who loves him that much. But you're missing one important detail here, Diamond. Pippin loves you too! And I can promise you that Faramir means more to him than a dozen children or more with whatever other lass ever could, for Faramir is the child he's had with the one that he loves. He looks at him and sees both himself and you, and that means more to him than anything! Trust me Diamond, he would not trade you for any other lass in the world."

     "But he loved Estella."

     "Would you forget about Estella, she is not part of this! I know that he loved her, but he **never** spoke of her the way he's spoken of you. He never had that glow in his eyes with her and he never expressed the same need for her that he expresses for you."

     "How would you know, you weren't there to see it!"

     "Do you not know how much you meant to him? I will let you in on a secret, I have been suggesting to Pippin for years now that we should ride to Rohan and Gondor, my longing for our friends of old is strong. So is his, but each time I've spoken about it he has said to me that he doesn't want to leave just yet because he doesn't want to leave your side."

     "Yet if you made up your mind to go he would go too" Diamond said. "You come first, and with Pippin you always have. The way he acts when the two of you are parted… Nothing I say or do helps!"

     "Understand, Diamond…" Merry said. "It is empty and cold when you have shared everything for so long and are separated!"

     "So empty and cold that you cannot be comforted by your spouse?"

     Merry didn't reply and Diamond sighed deeply. Neither of them spoke for a while, and Diamond looked down on her sleeping son.

     "He is a miracle" she said. "My little lad… So much like his father!"

     "A miracle, yes" Merry agreed. "And one Pippin is so thankful for. You and I both know that is true, don't we Diamond? Faramir is everything he ever wanted in a child, I know that! And you know that if I say so then it is so, for I know Pippin that well."

     "He should have so many more. It's not fair that he should never have another child when **I** am the one who is barren."

     "Funny how marriage works" Merry said. "You commit to someone for better or worse. To share the good and the bad. You had Faramir **together** and it is together that you shall not have another one. You share the good as well as the bad and what happens to one of you also happens to the other."

     Diamond sighed.

     "But if he had been with Estella…"

     "If Pippin had to do it all over again, I am sure that he would still marry you" Merry said. "Forget about Estella and what he once felt for her, he would not miss out on what he feels for you for anything! I am sure Diamond that Pippin does not look back and wonder what would have been if he and Estella had married."

"I do think of it from time to time, Estella" Pippin said softly. "About us. About what it was like. And sometimes, I admit, I think about what it could have been like, us two together. As I said, you were my first love."

     "Yes" Estella whispered.

     "But you are not my greatest. What I feel for Diamond is stronger than what I felt for you and I do not regret having married her. Trust me Estella I have **never** doubted my feelings for her! **Never**! But she obviously has."

     "Don't say that, she loves you."

     "I'm not saying she's doubted her feelings for me."

     "Then what are you saying?"

     "I'm saying she's doubting **my** feelings for **her**!"

     Pippin bit his bottom lip and looked away. Obviously the thought pained him, but to Estella's surprise she was relieved. She wanted him to go on speaking of his love for Diamond, speak away any suspicion in her mind that he had too strong feelings for her, Estella. Maybe then she would feel better.

     "How can a wife doubt her husband's love for her?" Pippin asked and looked at Estella again. "You tell me, Estella! How? How could she think that I do not love her enough to want to be with her every day of the rest of my life? It is an **insult** that she doubts what I'm feeling for her, an **insult** Estella!"

     Estella didn't answer and avoided his eyes. If only he knew that she was doubting her own love for Merry.

     "Am I not loving? Do I not show her how much I care? Do I not tell her how I feel about her? Obviously I do not, not enough at any rate, for she doesn't seem to think that I do. Or maybe I do tell her and show her all the time but she doesn't believe me. If so I must be doing something wrong."

     "You do nothing wrong, Pippin" Estella said.

     "I must be! How else can I love her so and yet she doubts it?"

     "She must not have meant all that she said" Estella said, remembering what Merry had said to her. "She was upset!"

     "I know you say things you don't mean when you're upset. But I think this has been on her mind for a long time… Jealousy! Such an ugly emotion! It should not exist between people who love each other!"

     "And yet it does" Estella said. "And we can do nothing about it."

     "But I will not take the blame for her jealousy! She cannot apply it to me and say that I am jealous of Merry since he got you and I didn't!"

     "Pippin maybe you should speak to Merry about this and not me" Estella suggested, feeling more uneasy by the minute and wanting some time alone to think.

     "Not that I didn't wish things were different a decade ago" Pippin went on, either ignoring what she said or not having heard. "I did wish for you to love me and not him, but I could not change the way things were."

     "Oh I did love you Peregrin" Estella said.

     "Yes, but you know what I mean! And I do admit that I wanted to marry you and saw you as the future mother of my children. But that was ten years ago, **more** even! Why get upset over something that was so long ago? It's different now, from the moment I first saw her it's been different!"

     Estella recoiled slightly. She had just realised that his love for Diamond seemed to have come even more sudden then her infatuation with Merry. And she remembered what Rose had said. Could it be that he had just transferred his feelings for her over on somebody else? Could it be that his love for Diamond was actually his love for her, Estella, as she feared that her love for Merry might be her love for him, Pippin? What if they actually loved each other and not their spouses? What would they do then? It occurred to her that Rose was not the only one who had said such a thing. Diamond had said that very thing earlier in the night, that maybe Pippin's feelings for her were actually his feelings for Estella.

     Pippin didn't seem to be thinking along those lines. He was in the middle of a long monologue on when he first met Diamond at Estella and Merry's wedding, and Estella only listened with half an ear. She knew the story, and wasn't interested. And either way Pippin seemed to be talking more to himself than to her, he probably wouldn't have noticed if she had left the room. Then he drifted off and was silent for half a minute before he walked up to her.

     "Oh Estella, dearest Estella, I care so much for you… But I find that it is not the same as it once was. You put that smile on Merry's face that warms my heart in the coldest of weathers, you put that light in his eyes…"

     "Merry loves me."

     "He does indeed. Isn't it strange how a loving heart needs so little to be happy?"

     Estella frowned. That sounded like criticism.

     "Oh don't frown at me Estella, I didn't mean anything bad by it! I was just thinking of how all it takes is a smile from the one you love, or the mere mentioning of their name to fill your heart with joy. As demanding as love is it requires so little to make one happy." He sighed. "At least I used to think so."

     "What made you think differently?"

     "This evening. Obviously I am not doing a very good job making Diamond happy."

     "Why do you say such things? I know that she loves you, it is obvious! Anyone can see it in her eyes when she looks at you!"

     "Yet she is jealous and she doubts that I feel the same for her. You know they say that loving eyes can never see… I guess that's true. She doesn't seem to be able to see how much I care for her."

     "She is insecure but I do not think it is for the reasons you think. She is just upset over the child thing…"

     "Well now she knows the truth and I will have to deal with that" Pippin sighed. He put his hands on Estella's shoulders. "And it will take more than a pair of loving eyes to make things okay again. I do not blame her if she doesn't trust me much for a while, I've kept this a secret from her for so long."

     Estella nodded. She had been shocked to hear the truth earlier that night, she had never known or even suspected the true reason why Diamond Took hadn't gotten pregnant again. She had of course known that something had been bothering Merry after Faramir's birth, but he hadn't wanted to talk about it and she had assumed he was only scared that her upcoming delivery was going to be as bad as Diamond's had been. Now she knew what had been bothering him.

     She looked up at Pippin and found that he was looking at her. Their eyes met.

     "I still care for you Estella…"

     "As I do for you" she mumbled.

     Pippin nodded. Then he pulled her into a hug and whispered that she shouldn't be upset over what Diamond had said earlier. As Merry had done he told her that it was not about her, and that she shouldn't take it to her heart. Estella nodded and hugged him back.

     Without either one of them knowing how it had happened, suddenly their lips met. And neither one of them could later remember who had taken the kiss further, it was as if both of them had opened their mouths at the same time and their tongues had met halfway. They kissed, holding each other close. For the longest time they kissed, it could have been five seconds or five minutes, all that existed for Pippin and Estella was the other's lips, tongue, mouth. Estella had forgotten what it was like to kiss Pippin, she had only kissed Merry for so long. Pippin's kiss was like him, impulsive, eager, reckless. Merry's kisses were different, they were always so calm, together and controlled, even in their most passionate moments.

     The kiss finally ended and Estella rested her forehead against Pippin's chest, feeling his chin resting on her head and his hand on the back of it. She sighed deeply. Before she had been unsure, and she wondered if he hadn't been too, but now they knew. Without a doubt Estella and Pippin knew.

     "So…" Estella moaned. "Will you tell Merry, or do you want me to do it?" Either way she knew he was going to find out, Pippin would never hide something like this from his favourite cousin no matter what damage it might do.

     "I will tell him" Pippin said.

Estella didn't wait for Merry like she had promised to. She hadn't thought she'd be able to sleep that night, but somehow she drifted off. But before that she lay awake for a long time with a tight knot in her stomach, wondering what the dawning day would be like.

     She wondered what Pippin would say to Merry. She wondered how Merry would react. Estella knew that the kiss had brought something very good, it had brought the certainty that she needed. But how would she explain that to her husband, she couldn't let him know that she even for the briefest of moments had doubted her love for him. She could not do that to him, she knew how much it would hurt him. She would have to put her hope and faith to Pippin, he was the only one who stood a chance at getting Merry to accept that the kiss had happened and move on.

     Estella had felt everything and nothing when she kissed Pippin. The kiss had been wonderful, filled with love and devotion, but there had been something missing and she knew what it was. It missed enchantment, the extra spark that differed romantic love from friendly love. She did love Pippin, but not in a romantic way, and he didn't love her that way either. He had said to her before he left to find Merry that they loved each other because they loved Merry. They each loved the other for making Merry so happy, and that's what bound them together now, not their old fling which had been over for a long time. And she had known that he was right. But would Merry see it that way?

     She was terrified of what would happen if Merry didn't understand. She would spend the rest of her life with him no matter what, but had she thrown away her happiness this night? Would she be able to go on for another fifty or sixty years having only memories of all the wonderful things she and Merry had shared? She thought she must be crazy for ever doubting that it was with him that she belonged, and the irony of it all struck her. For a few months she had worried that her love for Merry was actually her love for Pippin, when all along her worries had been caused by her moving her feelings for Merry over to Pippin.

     How she eventually fell asleep she didn't know, nor did she know for how long she slept, but she was woken up by Merry climbing into bed and spooning her. For a moment she wondered if maybe Pippin had listened to her and kept the kiss a secret from Merry. She had begged him to before he'd gone to see his cousin, fearing that it would only hurt Merry. Merry didn't deserve to be hurt, which Pippin agreed on, but he had also said that he would never be able to keep this from Merry. But it didn't seem now as if Merry knew.

     "Is Pippin okay?" she asked in a whisper.

     "Yes" Merry said. "Though I do not envy him this night. He has got a lot of problems to work out with Diamond."

     "I do not envy her either" Estella said. "I feel sorry for her now. I don't know if she and I are still friends, but having to look Pippin in the eye after all that she said tonight can't be pleasurable."

     "Hardly" Merry agreed.

     Estella felt his warm breath in her neck and his arms around her, his body pressed to hers from behind. She loved him so, how could she ever have thought otherwise? Pippin was full of youthful charm but Merry had something special that she had never found in anybody before. He could make her feel like no one else and in his arms she knew she would feel safe no matter what. And his arms were still around her, nothing had changed this night. With a sigh of relief she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Before she fell asleep Merry spoke, the last thing he said that night.

     "Estella… Don't ever kiss Pippin again."

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Please leave a review and tell me what you think! And a great thanks to those who have reviewed so far, I greatly appreciate it =) The next part will feature Aragorn coming to the Brandywine, and as I said it will be up as soon as my Internet is again!

**Additional Disclaimer**: Forgot about this earlier! Merry's line about how it is cold and empty when you've shared everything and are parted, is taken from the songs "Farmers on the Sea" and "Here You Have Me Again", both from the amazing musical "Kristina from Duvemåla". The lyrics were written by Björn Ulvaeus and I shamelessly borrowed that particular line because I felt it fitted! =)


	8. 1436

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Author's Note: I managed to get a hold of a computer so I could post this part! This part has probably got a lot of factual errors, since I haven't had access to the appendix while writing, but I hope you can disregard with any such errors. One error is intentional; the mentionings that Merry and Pippin's fathers both died somewhere between the last part and this one. I know that they actually died sooner, that Merry and Pippin inherited their titles after their deaths, but I chose to disregard from that while writing this series. At first I had actually planned on Saradoc catching the flu while helping out at Crickhollow in the flu chapter, but it felt like a cruel way to kill him off. Plus it seemed unfitting to have huge celebrations for Merry and Pippin inheriting their titles when their fathers would have just died. So I changed that, and had them die a little later instead.

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Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Merry's children.

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"Get the Master!" Mosco Boffin said under gritted teeth to Ponto Bracegirdle. "Get the Thain! Or the shirriffs! Get somebody!"

Ponto obeyed and leaped up on the back of his pony, storming off toward Brandy Hall. Mosco gripped his walking stick as if it were a sword he was prepared to draw, and eyed the suspicious strangers on the boat. None of the Big Folk were allowed to enter the Shire, it was the law of king Elessar, which meant that this party either didn't know and needed to be informed, or did know and meant to cause trouble.

Mosco put more probability to the latter. Onboard the boat floating down the Brandywine were seven men, out of which six were clad in armour, and one woman. Mosco found it unlikely that one would travel with armoured men if one did not intend on causing any trouble and the sight of the soldiers reminded him far too much of when the Shire had been sieged. And the armour looked strangely familiar, Mosco was sure that it could not be anything good about it. He hoped Ponto would ride fast and get help. The other Hobbits by the bank stood as frozen, nobody had thought to hide and it was clear that none of them would be of any help.

The man without armour threw Mosco a rope which he caught out of a reflex. They were nearing the docking area, but Mosco didn't plan on aiding them in any way. Truth be told he didn't know if the Big Folk were forbidden by law to pass on the Brandywine, so as long as they stayed on it he could tell himself that all was in order.

"Send for the Master of Buckland" the man said. "And the Thain. Send word to the Mayor that he should come. Now tie that end up."

Mosco didn't move, but another Hobbit, apparently frightened by the armoured men, hurried up and obeyed the order. Mosco swallowed hard and regretted having sent for any of the three which the man wished to see. It was obviously a trap of some sort, he had come to harm the Thain, Master and Mayor. Mosco debated whether or not to get up on his pony and ride to stop the three from walking into the trap, but the long legged man spoke to him again and interrupted his inner debate before he could make up his mind.

"You do know where to find the Master, Thain and Mayor?" he asked. "Start looking at Brandy Hall, then check--"

"I know where to find them" Mosco cut the stranger off, offended by the suggestion that he would not.

"Then go fetch them."

"They are already sent for, sir" the Hobbit who had secured the rope said. Mosco glared at him. Imbecile.

"Good" the man said as the boat reached the shore. He stepped onto the small docks and walked ashore. The woman followed him but the soldiers stayed on the boat, appearing to be at ease but it was clear that they were all on guard.

"At least the Master and the Thain, I don't think we sent for the May--"

"Quiet" hissed Mosco and gave the youngster a death glare.

"Then send for the Mayor" the man demanded.

Mosco glared at him. He did not trust this fellow one little bit, and it was obvious that the Master and Thain had been led into the trap thanks to Mosco's own stupid decision to send Ponto after them. He was not going to let them have the Mayor as well. Mosco had just made up his mind to send the way too helpful young Hobbit to stop the Master and Thain from arriving, but before he could he could hear ponies arrive in a gallop. He turned and saw five ponies approaching, and he recognised the Master's mearas pony among the five. He looked over at the Big Folk and then back at the approaching ponies. He took a deep breath. It was too late now to try and stop the confrontation, but somehow he wasn't worried. After all, Meriadoc the Magnificent had defeated the tyrants of the Shire before, and people spoke of even greater foes conquered by him, seven men would not be too much for him to take. At least Mosco hoped so.

The five ponies came closer, four large ones and one small. Mosco gulped when he saw that not only was young Éowyn Brandybuck with the party, riding on her own little pony, but Aramac Brandybuck was sitting in front of his father in the saddle. Couldn't the children be spared of what was to come, he wondered. With the Master and Thain were also Ponto Bracegirdle and Fredegar Bolger, looking far more pale and worried than their companions. The group had been out riding when Ponto had found them, and they had apparently seen no need to send Fredegar or Ponto back to Brandy Hall with the children. Mosco didn't know it, but the reason why they were out riding in the first place was to keep Éowyn and Aramac out of the way at the Hall, and Théodoc would have been with them if he hadn't refused so blankly. They had tried to convince the six year-old to come riding with them but he didn't want to, he had never even been on the back of a pony on his own. Eventually Merry had given in and allowed him to stay.

The party of five ponies halted ten yards from the docking area, and the Master and Thain dismounted their ponies in what seemed like a perfectly planned motion. Aramac was lifted from Stybba's back by his father who did not take his eyes from the intruders. Mosco smiled slightly. Now these big folks would find out whose land they had trespassed. The Thain and the Master knew how to deal with obnoxious Big Folk and would surely let this one know that he was on land forbidden to him.

The Master and Thain stared at the intruders as if they couldn't believe their eyes. The six soldiers on the boat stared back at them, ready to draw their swords. The man who had stepped off the boat took a step closer to the Hobbits and Mosco summoned his courage and stepped in between the intruder and the two Hobbits he was aiming for, determined to make up some of the damage he had caused when sending for the Thain and Master. The man stopped. Mosco gathered some more courage and glared at him with a challenge in his eyes, but the man didn't seem to notice. His eyes were on the Thain and the Master and their eyes were on him. The still silence seemed to last forever, at least Mosco thought so, but in reality it lasted only a couple of seconds. Then, to everyone's surprise, the stillness was broken by the Master and the Thain.

Meriadoc and Peregrin slowly walked up to the man with solemn looks on their faces. Mosco backed out of the way and gaped as the two simultaneously fell down on one knee a few yards from him, put their right hand to their heart and bowed their heads. The man looked at them Mosco thought he heard him chuckle but he wasn't sure.

"All hail Elessar King!" said Meriadoc.

"We are your most humble servants, my liege" said Peregrin.

Mosco felt his jaw drop and he stared at the two Hobbits kneeling on the ground, the man they were kneeling before and his company. The other Hobbits around him seemed to be as surprised as he was. He didn't know what shocked him more, the way the Master and Thain had greeted this trespassing stranger or the claim that it was the king of Gondor and Anor who was standing before them. Finally he landed on the latter.

"The king?" he said and quickly fell to his knees.

The man only chuckled and walked the remaining distance to the two Hobbits, and then kneeled before them like they had to him. He put a hand on each of their knees and they looked up at him with smiling faces. He noticed that Pippin was wearing his Gondorian armour and that they were both clad in their Elf capes.

"I see you have not forgotten how to greet a king" he said to them in a soft voice. "But have you forgotten how to greet a very old friend?"

Then he pulled the two into a hug, and Mosco couldn't believe his eyes. Meriadoc and Peregrin hugged the man back and Mosco could hear Peregrin laughing. Then the two broke from the embrace and looked with joyous eyes at the man. It occurred to Mosco and the surrounding Hobbits that the stranger was clad in the same type of cape as the Master and Thain, and they wondered how they could have failed to notice that before. It also dawned on Mosco where he had seen the soldiers' armour before. It was the same armour as worn so often by Thain Peregrin!

"My dear young Hobbits… My heart has longed for such a sight, it is wonderful to see you two again!"

"I never thought I would see you here" Meriadoc said.

"I never expected to come, Master Meriadoc" said the man.

"Folco!" Meriadoc said to a Hobbit standing nearby. "Ride to Hobbiton and Bag End, find Mayor Samwise and tell him to come to Buckland. It is urgent, tell him that! And make sure he gets up on his horse, otherwise he may decide to do the weeds first, or maybe have a pint of ale or two! This is important, make sure that he gets on his pony!"

The Hobbit quickly mounted his sturdy little pony and rode off as fast as he possibly could, spooked by the scene he had just witnessed.

"You will stay for a while, won't you?" Peregrin asked the man.

"My dear Master Peregrin, my dearest esquire, if I could do as my heart wished I would stay. But unfortunately I cannot."

"Yes you can" the other Hobbit said.

"I cannot, Merry."

"I thought you would never come to the Shire" Peregrin said. "I thought there was a law against it now."

"There is" the man said. "However folly it may be to pass a law to forbid yourself to visit your dear friends, Pippin. But that law is for your protection."

"We know" Pippin nodded. "But you can feel free to break it at any time Strider, Merry, Sam and I will only be happy if you do! Break the law as often as you please, you will always be most welcome in our homes!"

"Fool of a Took, I cannot break the laws I have set myself!" Strider laughed. "And as of yet I have not. I never intend to."

"But you're here in Buckland" Merry said.

"I am" Strider nodded. "I have come to correct something which should have been corrected some time ago. Something which I should have realised sooner."

"What?"

"Indeed I am a fool of a Strider for not having realised before" the man laughed. "As often as I receive letters from you, I should have noticed it. You Pippin have often written about the differences between Tookland and Buckland, and you Merry often asked me questions about history and given me details of your own. Yet it has not occurred to me until this spring that Buckland is beyond the borders of the Shire."

"I understand" said Merry. Then he smiled. "And I'm glad. However I suspect you have come to change that. I know you Elessar King, or at least I tell myself that I do. You have come to pass a law to protect Buckland as well."

"Buckland should be part of the Shire."

"Don't do it just yet!" Pippin said. "At least wait for Sam."

"Wait longer than that" Merry said. "Stay here for a while. Stay in Buckland with us for a week at least before you forbid yourself from ever coming back! We shall find you room at Brandy Hall, or you can sleep under the stars if you like that better."

The man laughed.

"Offering a bed of grass to a king?" he asked. "I am glad to see you still see me as Strider first and Elessar second, Master Meriadoc, in your company I shall always be Strider! I have not forgotten what it is like to spend a night under the stars though I can't deny that it has been a while. I shall accept your offer, I would much like to spend a few days with my fellowship members!"

"We can go out hiking!" Pippin suggested. "Spend a few days on foot, like we used to! Then you can sleep under the stars, we can all sleep under the starts together once more. We can show you the Shire!"

"He still cannot pass the Brandywine, Pip" Merry pointed out. "But if wander you wish Strider, then wander we shall. Buckland offers some pretty beautiful places to walk in, if I may say so myself."

"We can make plans later." Strider said. "There will be plenty of time for that. Now rise you two, I will not have you stand on your knees before me like this, I wish to see you standing straight!"

"Thy wish is our command, my lord!" Pippin said, and rose and bowed. "I am still your esquire and at your command."

Strider smiled and was about to answer the Hobbit wearing the same armour as the soldiers on the boat, when his eyes fell on the little child standing next to Merry, grasping his father's cape and looking at the stranger with big eyes. Strider had just been about to rise to his feet, now he instead leaned closer to the child.

"Never before have I seen a Hobbit child so close" he said to Merry, who had risen as well. "Is this your Théodoc, Merry?"

"No, Théodoc is at Brandy Hall" Merry said. "This is my younger son. I've told you about him, have I not?"

"You have" Strider nodded. "But you never told me his name."

"I named him Aramac" Merry said. "After you." He bowed. "I hope that it was alright for me to do so, I wish not to offend you."

"Offend me? What greater honour can you give a friend than to name your child after him? It is my privilege to have given this lad his name."

Merry lifted Aramac up into his arms, and Aragorn rose. He looked at the child with fascination, and Aramac looked right back at him with big, round eyes full of curiosity that won over the fear he felt. Most Hobbit children had a fear for the Big Folk, but not Aramac, at least not as much as the others. His father often spoke kindly of the race of men, he knew they weren't all dangerous. Still they were a little bit frightening, Aramac had never seen anybody taller before in his life.

Aragorn noticed that Pippin reached out his hand to a young Hobbit lass, who ignored the offered hand and walked right up to the long legged man. She stopped before him and looked up at him. She was not the least bit afraid of this man, she had seen her father and uncle hug him and talk friendly to him, and anybody that they liked she liked as well.

"I like you" she told him.

Aragorn chuckled.

"You look like you can stride pretty far with those legs!" she added.

"Now watch what you say!" Merry gasped, embarrassed by his daughter's comment, but the long legged fellow only laughed.

"That's why they call me Strider" he said. "But my name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. And you must be Éowyn, daughter of Meriadoc."

"Indeed" she said.

"She is lovely, Merry" Aragorn said.

"Although a bit free spoken" Merry said, blushing with fatherly pride over the praise from his old friend. "I apologise."

"Her eyes notice" Aragorn said. "The lady Éowyn would be honoured if she could see the child you named after her."

"I wouldn't have named her after anybody else, Aragorn" Merry said.

"My brother is named after you" Éowyn said and eyed the stranger. "If you are Aragorn. You don't look like my brother."

"My legs are a bit longer" Aragorn laughed.

"Sweetheart, why don't you go join your uncle Fatty" Pippin suggested to Éowyn, hoping to get her out of the way before she said something inappropriate. "I'm worried Foxie might run off if you don't hold his reins for me. Can you do that for me?"

Éowyn answered by giving him a hug and then ran over to Pippin's pony to make sure it didn't run anywhere. Pippin doubted that it would anyway, Fatty was more than capable of holding the pony on his own, but by asking Éowyn to look after the beast he had gotten her out of the way easily. Merry put Aramac down on the ground.

"Go to your uncle Fatty" he told him and the lad agreed, but didn't take his eyes off the big stranger whose name he'd gotten his own from.

Pippin and Merry's eyes fell on the woman in Aragorn's company, who stood on the docks watching the scene with a smile of serenity. She was very fair, originally she had been one of the fair folk, but now she had become a mortal to be with the one she loved. Neither Merry nor Pippin had seen her prior to hers and Aragorn's wedding, they couldn't remember her from the party in Rivendell, but they could tell that she was different now from when she had been an Elf. Her face was still incredibly fair, but the stars in her eyes were no longer there and it seemed as if her ears were no longer pointy. Her figure was not what it had been either, she had given birth to seven children since her wedding, but she could still be mistaken for a young maiden. She was the queen Arwen, and Merry and Pippin walked up to her and bowed deeply.

"Mae govannen, lady Undómiel!" Merry said.

"All hail Queen Arwen!" Pippin said.

Arwen smiled and Aragorn could be hear chuckling. The surrounding Hobbits were once again shocked to finds out who they were looking at, and one or two fell down on their knees like Merry and Pippin had done. Arwen paid no heed to the surrounding hobbits. She reached out her hands and placed one on Merry's head and the other on Pippin's.

"Thank you" she said.

"I hear you have been practicing the Elvish tongue" Aragorn said to Merry. "It is a pleasant surprise."

"How else would one greet the lady Undómiel if not in her own tongue?" Merry asked.

Arwen said something to him in Elvish, the surrounding Hobbits could not understand a word she said. Merry did not understand it all either but he understood enough to be able to answer her and bow again. He then said something else which sounded like a question, and the lady answered him and smiled.

"Very well then" Merry said in Common Speech. "As you wish, my lady. But we will grieve not having you as our guest."

"We shall see each other again" she said. "And then we shall dine together. Though not here. In the East"

"We shall be looking forward to that day" Pippin said.

"Perhaps one day with the lady's permission I can give your name to a daughter of mine, as I've named a son after Aragorn" Merry said and bowed.

"An honour would it be for me, Master Perian."

"I'm sorry Sam won't get to see you" Pippin said. "He would have loved to meet you again, my lady."

"I shall see Master Samwise. Before we return to Minas Tirith." Arwen said. "Farewell now, Periannath. Until we meet again."

She raised her hand as a sign of goodbye, then stepped back onboard the boat. Aragorn untied the rope and threw it to one of the soldiers.

"Namárië" said Merry and Pippin in unison.

"Namárië" answered Arwen.

They watched the boat sail up the Brandywine and drift from their sight. For a few moments they all stood in silence, then Merry and Pippin turned to Aragorn.

"You must be hungry" Merry said.

"It's almost time for afternoon tea" Pippin added.

"I will have to go find you a room at Brandy Hall, but not before a meal" Merry said. "We should go to Crickhollow for now. The hole is empty this summer, but there is still food for plenty there, and we can talk in private."

It had been decided this summer that they would not live at Crickhollow. Merry still hadn't found a mare to his liking to start his breeding and had no real reason to go there other than to see Pippin, and it had become clear that it would not be a pleasant summer living with Estella and Diamond under the same roof. It seemed as if their friendship had come to an end, Estella was angry with Diamond for what she had said last summer and Diamond could not get past her once good friend kissing her husband. The two got along, but barely more than that, and three months in the same hole would only lead to quarrels. With sadness in their hearts Merry and Pippin had decided to stay at the Hall and the Smials. They saw each other as often as they could, Pippin was gladly helping Merry teach Éowyn to be a great horsewoman, and several times a week they went out riding. But still the two missed living together during summer, and were discussing how they could end the seeming silent feud between their wives.

"Mosco!" Merry said, spotting the Hobbit who had been observing the whole scene with watchful eyes. "When Mayor Sam arrives, tell him that we are at Crickhollow. Tell him to go there right away, or we shall have left before he arrives."

Mosco nodded and bowed, happy to have some task. He was still nervous and edgy, not to mention shocked by the scene he had witnessed between this stranger and the two most respected Hobbits in the Shire.

Merry grabbed Stybba's reins and Pippin took Fox's from Éowyn. They would walk to Crickhollow, even if it took a while, for there was no horse for Aragorn to ride. Merry lifted Aramac up in Stybba's saddle and started walking, followed by the others. Fatty was very uneasy, but followed anyway out of lack of better things to do. Plus, Crickhollow was where he lived now during a few months a year, looking after the place during winter when Merry and Pippin weren't there. If this stranger was going to be there he wanted to see what was going on. Either way it was better than being at Brandy Hall at the moment. Éowyn led her pony Rayhim up next to her father and every now and then glanced over at the long legged man walking next to her uncle Pippin.

"So long since I've seen the Shire…" Aragorn said, looking around. "And I've never crossed its borders before."

"You still haven't" Pippin pointed out.

"I haven't walked the meadows of Buckland either."

"I hope you will like what you see" Pippin smiled.

"I hope you won't find Crickhollow too small" Merry said. "For a Hobbit it's very nice, but I'm afraid it wasn't built for Big Folk."

The small company made their way to Crickhollow and let the ponies out in the pastures. Pippin quickly decided that they should eat outside. The members of the fellowship were well used to eating their meals sitting on the ground, and it was easier for Aragorn than to crouch inside. Plus the July sun shone brightly above their heads and it was far too beautiful a day to waste it being inside. Fatty was quite displeased with the arrangement, but didn't object since he preferred having it that way to having the long legged stranger inside, king or no.

Merry and Fatty disappeared inside to find something to eat and Pippin and Aragorn sat down in the grass. Éowyn and Aramac ran off to play and Pippin kept a watchful eye on them as they ran around.

"Where is your son, Pippin?" Aragorn asked.

"He's with my wife at the Great Smials" Pippin said. "But I will send word that she comes to Brandy Hall with him. I want them both to meet you. Where are your children, are they in Minas Tirith?"

"Three of them are in Bree" Aragorn said. "The rest are in Rivendell, under the care of Elladan and Elrohir."

"I wish I could have lots of children…" Pippin said.

"You have been given other gifts instead."

"I suppose. But there's no use in grieving for what can't be done anything about. And as long as nothing stops me from **trying** to have children I shan't complain." With a grin he rose and called for Éowyn, who had disappeared from sight. "I do wish she would stay where I can see her" he said and shadowed the sun with his hand. "She is just as active as her mother Estella, she never keeps still for long!"

"So full of life" Aragorn said with a warm smile. "It does my heart good to be among carefree Hobbits again."

"Then keep away from Merry's oldest son, Théodoc!" Pippin said. "He's so serious one might take him for a man!"

Aragorn laughed.

"Surely it's not that bad?" he said.

"He's a little too serious for a Hobbit. And too shy."

"That will pass."

Pippin called for Éowyn again, and she came running from behind the stables. She was told to stay in sight and keep an eye on her brother, and then Pippin sat down again. Merry and Fatty came outside, carrying trays filled with food and wine bottles, but they had to take three turns before all the edible goodies were outside. Éowyn and Aramac hurried over to have what was called afternoon tea but in this case seemed more like a grand supper.

"Only the best for Elessar King" Merry said and bowed.

"And for his esquires" Aragorn replied. "Now sit and eat, Meriadoc, and no more talk of kings and their esquires for now. If I shall stay here in Buckland I wish to stay as your friend and companion, not as your king."

"Then let it be so" Merry said and sat down.

For an hour the group devoted their attention to eating, with a few interruptions for speaking. After the meal was completed the fellowship members laid stretched out on the grass, watching the clouds pass by on the otherwise blue sky and thinking about old times. Fatty still sat up, keeping an eye on his niece and nephew while his brother-in-law smoked his pipe and thought about things that had been together with his two friends. At first Fatty eagerly listened to the conversation, hoping to hear about the War and what his friends had been up to during that time, but soon he let his mind drift. The three old friends were talking about pipe weed, not their old adventures, and Fatty wasn't very interested in the subject. All he needed to know was that the pipe weed would be in his pipe when he wanted to smoke, then the rest didn't matter.

After a while Aragorn took the pipe from his mouth and lifted his head to look at Merry, who had been silent for a while.

"Merry? Is something wrong?"

"Why would something be wrong?"

"You haven't said anything for a while now. And you keep looking at the sun as if wondering how much time has passed."

Merry sat up.

"Well Strider, to be honest I've been thinking that I should be getting back to Brandy Hall. I've been waiting for Sam to get here but I'm starting to think I should leave no anyway. I'm getting uneasy."

"Go" Pippin said.

"I promise I'll find a room for you while I'm there" Merry said to Aragorn and thoughtfully sucked on his pipe. "I am sorry for thinking about leaving, it is not good manners. But I do think I should be getting back to the Hall."

"There's no rush, Merry" Aragorn said. "Not on my part."

"Go" Pippin said again and Merry rose.

"I apologise for heading off" he said to Aragorn. "I'm not being very social or hospitable. I hope you can forgive me. You see, my wife is having a child as we speak, and I'm getting anxious to get back to the Hall and see how she is doing."

"Then what are you sitting here for, go!" Aragorn said and sat up as well. "You should not be here, you dear old fool."

Taking that as a blessing, Merry whistled for Stybba who came to the gate in the pastures and patiently waited as his master saddled him. Fatty looked away, uneasy at the reminder of the child being born at the Hall. It was queer enough for him that his good friend Merry was enjoying the pleasures of marriage with his sister, knowing that his sister was having Merry's child at that very moment made him very uncomfortable. Fatty wasn't married himself, but he knew enough about it to long for other topics when the marriage between his sister and good friend was brought up. How Merry could seem to put Estella's current situation out of his mind was a mystery to him, but then again a lot of things concerning Merry were mysteries to Fatty.

Fatty wished it could have been as when the first three children had been born. Those times he hadn't known about it until Merry had sent word that he was an uncle, and Fatty had liked that arrangement. This time he had been recruited by Merry and Pippin to help keep the children out of the way, even though they had failed with Théodoc. Théo had eventually been sent off to the Great Smials to be under Diamond's care, but that had happened after they had ridden out.

Merry waved to them as he rode off on Stybba, leaving Éowyn and Aramac under the care of their uncles. Fatty was in truth their only uncle, Pippin was their cousin once removed, but the children didn't seem aware of that fact, and if they were they didn't care. To them he was uncle Pippin, their closest adult family member aside from their parents.

"The carefree nature of Hobbits…" Aragorn mused. "One could never have guessed until he mentioned it that he is having a child as we speak."

"If it had been my child you would have known" Pippin said and finally sat up as well. "I wonder where that sluggard Sam is! How long has it been? He should have been here by now unless he stopped along the way to have afternoon tea at some inn. Typical, some Hobbits think of nothing but food."

"Indeed they don't" Aragorn laughed.

  


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Merry hurried inside the Hall and began by finding a room for Aragorn. It had to be the room with the highest ceiling in the Hall, preferably above ground, and the bigger the bed the better. Luckily Merry had a room fitting for the job. He had never thought Aragorn could come visit, but he'd hoped for Legolas to come together with Gimli, and Legolas would need a bigger room as well. His first year as Master of the Hall he had ordered for such a room to be built, preferably close to the master bedroom. All he had to do now was to find someone who could prepare the room for its noble guest. He was greatly surprised to run into his mother on his way to find someone who could fix the room up.

"Mother!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here, I thought you'd be with Estella."

"There you are Merry" she said. "I've been wondering when you'd show up, and I am not the only one."

"Are you free? Good, I need you mother." He grabbed her by the arm and led her toward the larger room. "You know the room I had built? The one which has a larger bed and higher to the ceiling?"

"Yes."

"I need you to prepare it for a most noble guest. King Aragorn has come, and he will be staying at Brandy Hall for a week."

"But Merry the king has--"

"No he hasn't, not yet. And it saddens me that he's ever going to. But he will let it be for a week and during that time he will be shown all the hospitality we can offer! I need you to prepare that room for a king but more importantly for a member of the family!"

"Merry, pardon me for interrupting, but can I say something on the subject of family?" Esmeralda asked.

"Yes mother, but first tell me, how is Estella?"

"She is doing fine, if you would let me finish Merry, she has been moved to the master bedroom now. The child was born hours ago Meriadoc, had you only given me a chance to tell you I would have."

"Hours ago?"

"This one was in a hurry to greet the outside world" Esmeralda said. "Less than an hour and a half after the birth started it was over. I have never seen such a rush before, this child is going to be adventurous as a Took mark my words!"

"One hour? That's all it took?"

"Yes, one hour and roughly thirty minutes."

"Oh my! It's been hours since then!"

"It surprises me a little that you've been gone for so long."

Merry didn't reply. He hurried off toward his and Estella's bedroom and stormed inside. There he found Estella, curled up on her side looking at a sleeping child. She seemed to be angry or upset, probably because Merry hadn't come yet, and she didn't look up at him when he came storming inside.

"Oh Estella…" he said and hurried over to her. "The baby!"

"How kind of you to join us" Estella said. Whatever sarcasm or sadness was in her words Merry didn't notice them.

"Estella, you will not believe this!" he said. "Guess who's come to Buckland? Strider has come!" The name brought on no reaction. "Strider, Estella! King Elessar! Aragorn, it is Aragorn who has come… My dear old friend, our king! I've been spending the day with him, he's going to stay here for a week Estella! I never even realised how the time flew by, it was so nice to spend time in his company again! And it was most important that he was greeted correctly and given something to eat."

"More important than coming to see your son?"

"Son? It's a son?"

"Yes" Estella said and kept her eyes on the baby. "A son, one whose father was not here to see him until hours after his birth."

"Oh Estella…"

Merry sat down on his side of the bed and looked at the baby. He had expected it to be a daughter, he had been completely sure that it would be a daughter, and it had turned out to be a son instead. And somehow it seemed so obvious that it would be a son.

"I didn't know it was over so soon…"

Estella kept her eyes on the baby and not its father and didn't reply to his comment. She was very emotional right after having a baby, and when Merry had not been there to look at the child she had been very upset. It had seemed to her as a form of punishment for what had happened between herself and Pippin a year ago even though she deep down knew that it was a foolish thought.

Almost a year had passed since the night when Diamond had found out she was barren and Estella and Pippin had kissed. Even though the incident was now behind them it still pained Estella's conscience. She knew that it had hurt Merry more than he had let on, and she hated herself for having done that to him. She had put their happiness at stake that night, and even though it had ended well things had not been smooth for a while after the kiss. Merry had withdrawn from her for a while, having not come to her at night for pleasure or even as much as kissed her. It had pained Estella more than she could say and she had feared that she would lose him, but she hadn't known what to do to make things better. Pippin had told her to leave Merry alone for a while and let him go through what he needed to go through, trusting that Merry would return to her when he was ready. It had taken him a month, on the night of September 22nd he had returned to her. He hadn't been completely comfortable, she had noticed that, but she had been thrilled nonetheless. She remembered that night very clearly, how she had wept and over and over again told him how much she loved him. It seemed to have worked on him, finally he had chuckled in her ear and told her to be quiet. For once she hadn't obeyed, she had kept on saying how much she cared for him until he had whispered that he loved her too.

Things had been different for Diamond and Pippin. Their problems had been faced head on on the same night they were brought up. Pippin had sat on their bed long into the night with Diamond in his arms, gently soothing her as she wept. They had talked that night, talked about everything that was bothering her, everything that was bothering him and tried to find solutions to their problems. Diamond had also been told of the kiss, and though devastated she had been Pippin had managed to make her understand that it had not meant anything romantic. They had gone through quite an ordeal that night but greeted the morning with no old problems in their backs. When they finally went to sleep that night they were holding each other tight, they had solved all of their problems to the best of their ability and after that night their marriage had only been stronger.

Estella finally looked at Merry instead of the baby and wondered what he was thinking. She also wondered what name he had chosen for the child. Estella had a name of her own in mind, she wanted to name their new son Saradoc after Merry's father who had passed away last November. But Merry had no doubt already a name in mind after one of his friends, probably the one who had come to the Shire now.

"Earlier today I decided what the child's name would be" Merry said. "If the child had been a daughter."

"It's a son."

"I know. I have no name for him."

"You will soon enough. I know you, Meriadoc."

"We can figure that out later…"

"If you say so."

"A son… He is lovely. Mother says he will be as adventurous as a Took!"

"Tooks? Why not adventurous as a Brandybuck? You've surely proven yourself no stranger to adventure!"

"But I am half Took myself" Merry said with a grin. "And the baby has Took blood in him from both my side and yours. I do believe that we might be having a rather adventurous little hobbit on our hands!"

  


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Estella was woken up that night by Merry gently shaking her awake. He had left after only spending half an hour with her and the baby and she had fallen asleep shortly after. Now he was back, and apparently eager for her to wake up.

"What is it, Merry?" she asked without opening her eyes. She was tired and in pain and only wanted to sleep.

"Open your eyes Estella" he said. "The king is here to see you."

Estella quickly opened her eyes and sat up in bed, ignoring the sharp pain that came with the motion.

"The king? Merry I cannot see the king! Not in this state, not now, think of how inappropriate that would be!"

"He wants to see the baby and its mother" Merry said. "Estella this man is a very good friend of mine, I owe him my life. He won't harm you and he won't say or do anything inappropriate. He just wants to meet you."

"I cannot tell the king no" Estella said and looked miserable. "But look at me Meriadoc, I look affright!"

"You look marvellous" Merry said and kissed her cheek. He lifted the baby from the crib and smiled at his son. "We will be back soon."

Cradling his little son he left the bedroom and went to the room which had been prepared for Aragorn. There he found Strider, Pippin and Sam. Pippin immediately rushed over to look at the new-born.

"Your third son!" he said. "What's his name, father Meriadoc?"

"He doesn't have a name yet" Merry said with a proud smile. He kneeled down in front of Aragorn, who was seated in a for a Hobbit large chair and held the baby up for him to see. "Your majesty wished to see my new-born child!"

"Master Perian, I must say I have never seen a child so small before" Aragorn said and carefully lifted the baby over to his own arms.

"They don't come much bigger, sir" Sam said. "Hobbit children are small compared to yours, if you follow me."

"So tiny…" Aragorn mumbled and looked at the child who was fast asleep. "He looks like one could break him just by looking at him!"

"Oh, but he is much stronger than that" Sam objected. "Strong fathers have strong children, mark my words!"

"And adventurous fathers have adventurous children" Merry said. "I think this one will be quite the Took."

"Who are you naming him after?" Pippin asked Merry.

"Haven't I told you already that we haven't got a name for him yet?" Merry asked and stood up. "Have you not yet learned to listen, Peregrin?"

"If I could have had just one more son I would have named him Boromir" Pippin said. "Faramir and Boromir, suiting names for brothers!"

"It would be Boromac for him" Merry said, looking at his son. "But I don't think that will be his name."

"A child should be given a name within a week" Aragorn said. "You have seven days to discuss the matter with your wife."

"Speaking of my wife, I believe she is expecting you" Merry said. "She's a little shy, but that will pass."

"I cannot blame her for being shy at this time" Aragorn said. "Let he be. I shall see her when she's up and about again."

"Very well then" Merry said and bowed. "I shall give the word to her. To be quite honest she will be pleased to hear she won't have any visitors tonight."

He left the baby under their care and went back to the master bedroom and found that Estella had gone back to sleep. He smiled and woke her up again by gently shaking her arm. She woke with a start.

"Merry! Is the king--"

"Relax" he said. "Strider says he'll see you in a day or two, when you're up and about again. You go back to sleep. Just lay down first, I don't think it's very comfortable for you to sleep sitting up like this!"

"Where's the baby?"

"He's in safe keeping. Now lie down and go back to sleep, love…"

Estella nodded and followed orders. Merry left her and returned to his friends and son.

  


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Estella met Aragorn two days later, when she was back on her feet. She had wanted to get back outside as soon as possible, not wanting to miss out on a minute of sunlight more than she had to, and Merry had agreed on taking her outside if she promised to take it easy. He had his arm around her waist to support her, even though she didn't need it, and together they slowly made their way to the meadow by Brandy Hall where Aragorn was finding himself surrounded by polite and helpful Hobbits wanting to be of some aid to their king. When he saw Merry approach with Estella he rose and asked the surrounding Hobbits to give them a moment. Pippin and Sam stayed, but remained seated by the wooden table instead of standing up.

"Merry, should the baby really be outside" Pippin asked, filled with worry. "He's only a few days old!"

"It's just sun and fresh air, it won't do him any harm" Merry said. "As long as he's not in any direct sunlight for too long."

He and Estella stopped in front of Aragorn and Estella curtsied to the best of her current ability. She then looked up at this tall majestic figure who was their king, but also a brother to Merry. His face was stern yet friendly, he was unshaven and that made her uncomfortable, she had never seen anybody with that kind of facial hair. The only facial hair she'd seen at all was the long beards of the dwarves and wizards. But she saw that he had kind eyes, and a smile lurking in the corner of his mouth and even though she couldn't yet understand why Merry loved him as a brother she could see why he trusted him. If this man was on your side it seemed as if you would make it through most tough spots. He somehow seemed both majestic and rugged at the same time.

"My lord…" she said.

Aragorn bowed slightly for her.

"Madam."

"This is Strider, Estella!" Pippin said, more or less bouncing up and down in his seat with joy. He loved introducing Aragorn to people, and was still waiting for Diamond and Faramir to come by so he could introduce them. They would bring Théodoc with them, who had not yet seen his youngest brother, and Pippin was looking forward to their arrival which would hopefully be sometime soon. He longed for his own son now that he saw Merry's youngest.

"Estella, darling, I would like you to meet king Elessar of Gondor and Anor" Merry said and glared at Pippin who had completely ignored formalities in his quick introduction. "Known by many other names which I do not know even half of, but you have heard of him as Aragorn son of Arathorn."

"And Strider!"

"Yes Pippin, and Strider" Merry sighed. "Strider, this is my wife Estella."

"Pleasure to meet you" Aragorn said.

"Likewise, my lord."

"You may call me Strider if you wish, Estella. Estella…" Aragorn said thoughtfully as if he had never heard the name before. "As your husband said, I have many names. When I lived in Rivendell I was called Estel."

"That sounds like Estella" Pippin noted.

"Estel means hope." Aragorn looked from Estella to Merry and the to the baby. "Hope and merriment… Those are two good matches in a marriage."

Merry grinned at that comment and hurried off to see to it that lunch was served out by their spot. When he came back he found that the baby had made its way to Pippin's arms and Estella was seated next to him, keeping an eye on the little one. Merry sat down on her other side and declared that food was on its way.

"Estel and Estella and Strider and what not… Have you found a name for **him** yet?" Sam asked and glanced at the baby.

"When we do you will know."

"Rosie and I have decided that if our next one is a lad we'll name him Bilbo" Sam proudly announced.

Estella looked away. Rose was pregnant yet again, she would have another baby in three months which was why she hadn't come to be Estella's midwife. It seemed as if poor Rose would never get any rest, Primrose could not have been more than a year when this next child announced that he or she was on its way. This could only mean that Rose hadn't spoken with Sam as she had promised Estella to, and it made Estella angry. She knew how weary her old friend was and she had been there to deliver Primrose. She had noticed that her friend did not have her strength the way she used to and that the birth had been more difficult for her than it should have had to be. And after the baby was born she was far too weak, she didn't regain her strength the way Estella knew she had done before. She wondered how much more her friend could take and how long it would be before she dared to speak to Sam about it. Estella only hoped she would bring the matter up with her husband before she had wrecked her health completely. Despite what Estella had said to her at Primrose's birth she knew that Rose was no longer in her prime. She should not be having a baby once a year, it was neither good for her nor the children.

Sam's declaration that the son he was possibly having in three months would be named Bilbo had brought on a name debate in which Pippin and Sam named one friend after the other and Merry modified them to Brandybuck names and saw that they weren't fitting so they were discarded. Their human friend just smoked his pipe and let the Hobbits entertain him with their efforts to find a good name.

"Does it have to end with mac or doc?" Pippin finally asked. "He only needs a name like that if he's going to be the Master of Buckland and you already have an heir and a second son to take over the title if something should happen."

"You shouldn't speak that way" said Aragorn.

"I'm just curious. Why not just name him Legolas and then make sure Théo or Aramac takes over Buckland?"

"I don't like changing traditions" Merry said.

"Traditions? Old Rory had four brothers out of which none of them had names that ended with mac or doc!" Pippin pointed out.

"You're not going to change my mind, Pip. I like it when the names end with mac or doc, it's a tradition I intend to keep even if my great grandfather Gorbadoc did not. Besides, it helps people accept the queer parts I put **before** the doc or mac!"

"Like 'Ara'" Strider said.

"For a Hobbit that is queer" Merry said. "Pardon me Aragorn, but that's the way it is. Aramac is easier for them to accept than Aragorn."

"Sméadoc" Pippin suggested with a mischievous grin.

"That's not funny, Pippin!" Sam angrily said. "I won't have you even joke of such names for Merry's child!"

"Well he was a Hobbit once, wasn't he?" Pippin said, then shrugged his shoulders. "Just name him after your father Merry. That's what I would do if I were you. It's a good name and it would honour your father!"

"You said earlier that if you had another son you would name him Boromir" Merry pointed out. "Not Paladin after your deceased father." Pippin's father had passed away two months after Merry's, having been ill for quite some time.

"I think it's a good idea, Merry" Estella said, happy that the suggestion had come up. "Saradoc is a good name for a Hobbit."

"I'm not sure…" Merry said and looked at the lad in Pippin's arms. "I don't think he looks like a Saradoc."

"Fine then" Estella sighed.

If Merry noticed the irritation in her voice he didn't show it. He turned his attention back to his friends and continued the debate on what to name the little one. Five Hobbits came over with plates filled with food for the group, and the name debate continued over lunch, even though the eating slowed down the pace of the discussion.

"I don't see why you have to name him after someone you know, Merry" Aragorn finally said, when the meal was close to completed. "Look at Sam, he hasn't named all of his children after friends of his."

"Sam has nine children" Merry pointed out. "There are only so many friends you can name your children after, you know…"

"Yes, good old Sam still holds the lead by five" Pippin said. "Six, in a few months. He'll have a whole fellowship more than I do."

"All I am saying is that it's a wonderful idea of you to name your children after friends of old" Aragorn said. "But if you cannot decide on who to name him after then give him a name that wouldn't seem so queer by Buckland standards."

"That would only cause more problems" Pippin said. "Then there are no limitations! Now we can at least limit it to about twenty different name suggestions!"

Merry nodded thoughtfully. Aragorn had a point, maybe he didn't have to name his youngest son after a friend. Maybe he could even name him after his father? Estella seemed to like that idea. He wasn't very keen on giving his child a typical Buckland name though, he wanted his children to have names with special meanings. Éowyn, Théodoc and Aramac all did, this one shouldn't be any different. Naming his youngest son Saradoc after his father would be a nice way to honour his father, but Merry didn't think it felt right together with the names of the other three.

The discussion of baby names died out, and instead the Hobbits got a full report from Aragorn of the doings and happenings of their fellowship members Legolas and Gimli since the last time the Hobbits had heard from them. It took quite a while for him to tell them everything, for he was constantly interrupted by mainly Merry or Pippin asking a question or commenting on something Aragorn said. Estella soon lost track of what they were really talking about, half of what the long legged man said seemed to incredible anyway. Who had ever heard of a dwarf and an Elf being friends? She knew that there had been one of each in the fellowship, but them being great friends was just too unbelievable.

She lifted up the baby from the basket he had laid in under the table while they ate, and wondered what kind of life he would lead. Would her mother-in-law ever have been able to imagine what kind of life her son would lead when she held him in her arms when he was a baby? She couldn't even picture Merry as a child, she wondered what it was like to see your son grown up and befriend kings and lords.

Merry's life was truly filled with friends. Pippin especially, but the other members of his fellowship as well. Not to mention the humans in Rohan, and someone called Treebeard and others who Estella had forgotten about by now. Every story he told seemed to be filled with comradery, friendship filled every part of his life and there seemed to be nothing he treasured more. He had said to her once that good friends are your family, and family are your friends. Family and friends, the two are synonymous. She had never fully understood what he meant by that, and she still didn't, but seeing him with this human friend of his made Estella feel like she could one day understand.

  


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Aragorn stayed in Buckland for a week, often out walking with Merry, Pippin and Sam. Everywhere he went Hobbits stared at him, this long legged fellow who was their king, and who walked around with three Hobbits as if they were good friends. His visit to Buckland would be discussed in years to come, and as it usually goes the story would get better each time. As the Hobbits were so proud of their heroes, Merry and Pippin especially, the Hobbits of Buckland, who were the first to tell the stories and spread the word, would eventually change the relationship between the man and the Hobbits. A hundred years after king Elessar visited Buckland the Hobbit children would hear the story of the human king who was a servant to Meriadoc the Magnificent and Thain Peregrin. The Master of Buckland would correct the story whenever it was told in his presence, for he knew how the real relationship had been, but it was no use and after several years he finally gave in. In truth the Hobbits weren't altogether interested in the true version of the story, it made a much better fireside tale if the noble human was a humble servant to the Hobbits. And it added further to the glorification of Meriadoc, and Peregrin who was in fact a servant and esquire to the king and not the other way around.

As Arwen had predicted she would see Samwise before hers and Aragorn's return to Minas Tirith. A ceremony was held by the riverbank a week after Aragorn's arrival to Buckland in which three things of importance took place. A large number of Hobbits had gathered, Pippin had guessed one _gross_ under his breath to Merry, and on both sides of the riverbank there were Hobbits watching the ceremony. Thain Peregrin was clad in his armoury from Gondor, looking like a juvenile version of the soldiers onboard the boat, and Master Meriadoc wore his Rohan armour. Unlike his cousin he rarely wore the armoury, only for special occasions, and seeing him clad in it always gave the Hobbits a sense of solemn feast. The two, and Mayor Samwise, also wore their grey Elf cloaks, and the same cloak was worn by the king as he said farewell to his friends and led the Hobbits through the three events of the ceremony.

Firstly Aragorn declared that from that day on, taking effect when he lifted his foot from Buckland's ground, Buckland would belong to the Shire and be protected by all the same laws. Authority over this Gondorian province was given to Master Meriadoc and the Brandybucks, though the Master of the Hall he would still answer to his king has before. The king also apologised for not having passed this law in the past, to which a weeping Master of Buckland replied that he wished the law had never been passed at all.

Secondly there was an unexpected event, a part of the ceremony that had not been planned. Samwise expressed his embarrassment that he had not sworn his service to any king, as Peregrin had to Elessar and Meriadoc to Éomer, to which Aragorn had laughed and declared on the spot that from that day forward Sam's oldest daughter Elanor, the only Gamgee present aside from Samwise himself, would be an honorary maid to queen Arwen. Sam accepted that solution, content with letting his daughter be sworn to duty of the royal family in his place. What Elanor thought of it all was never found out, but she only visited Gondor once in her life and served the Queen in person only for a few months.

Thirdly the youngest member of the Brandybuck family was given his name. It was an old tradition that a child would have his name giving ceremony a week after the birth, a ceremony executed by the Master of Buckland, the Thain or the Mayor. They each had one third of the Shire as their district for this task and Meriadoc had given his own son Aramac his name as Buckland was part of his region. However, the Thain, Master and Mayor all worked in replacement of the king and as he was now present king Elessar himself gave the little one his name.

Comradoc Brandybuck was the name given to him, although less than a week later he was called Cordy and would be known under that name most of his life. It was Meriadoc who had chosen the name, not after one of his friends but all of his friends. Comradoc as in comrade, a name that was his own homage to friendship.

Before he stepped onboard the boat Aragorn turned to Merry.

"You have been most generous and hospitable, Master Perian" he said.

"I would never greet a brother with anything less."

"I have something for you in return. I know you are planning on breeding ponies, but haven't find a mare that's fine enough yet. I cannot offer you a mearas, but if you will accept instead a pony from Minas Tirith then that pony will be waiting for you at the Prancing Pony two months from today."

"I shall gladly accept such a gift, though it was no way needed" Merry said and bowed. "Thank you Aragorn."

Aragorn nodded and hugged his old friend. He then hugged Sam and Pippin and kissed Diamond and Estella's hands before he turned and walked onboard the boat. He held up his hand to his friends as a sign of goodbye.

"Namárië" he said.

"Namárië" echoed the three left on the shore.

With tears in their eyes Merry, Pippin and Sam stood on the docks and watched Aragorn and Arwen sail down the Brandywine never to return to the river. Neither one of the four fellowship members knew how long it would be before they would meet again. 

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Please leave a review! I appreciate it very much when you do! I will have the next part up as soon as I can, but since I don't have Internet at home it might be a while… The next part will be more dramatic than this one.


	9. 1437

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Author's Note: I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get online, I know I said October and even though it's still that month I had intended for the next part to be up in _early_ October… However, the reality of work and college hit me, I simply haven't found the time to code it… Initially I liked this chapter, while I was planning it out in my head, now that it's finished I dislike it. I'll give you my thoughts on why after the actual chapter…

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Disclaimer: The characters from _The Lord of the Rings_ belong to JRR Tolkien, as do all references to any events or places created by him. A slight bit of inspiration has also been taken from Jean M Auel's _The Mammoth Hunters_.

"I don't think this will work, Merry!" Pippin said and tried his best to hold the angry and unruly mare still.

"It had better!" Merry said. "She has to know who is boss! All she needs is a firm hand and a good rider in her saddle!"

"Maybe you should send her back?" Pippin nervously suggested.

"Forget that idea. Now hold her still."

Pippin bit his lip nervously as Merry mounted the irritated mare, who tried pretty much every trick in the book to get rid of her rider. She couldn't throw him off thanks to Pippin's firm grip of her reins, but there wasn't a doubt in Pippin's mind that if the pony got half a chance Merry would be lying on the ground.

A small group of Hobbits, including Fatty and young Éowyn, had gathered to observe Merry and the mare, and they all gasped as Merry for a second seemed to be falling from the saddle. But then he gained control again and sat as securely in the saddle as he could. Pippin held the reins firmly and glared at the pony.

"This will never work!" he complained.

"She has got to learn to accept a rider!" Merry said, being just as stubborn as the mare. "Would you hand me the reins, Pip?"

"I am not giving the reins to you, Meriadoc" Pippin said. "All she's gonna do is throw you off, you'll never be able to control her."

"Master, are you sure this is safe?" a nervous bystander asked.

"Safe? It's not as dangerous as many other things, if that's what you mean" Merry replied, annoyed with the general opinion that the pony was impossible.

Pippin did as he said he would and held on to the reins, and Merry didn't ask him for them. He held on to the mare's mane and hoped she would at least accept him in her saddle but she continued to put up a fight.

"Merry…" Pippin said after a while.

"Yes. You're right" Merry said and dismounted the angry beast. "This won't do at all, it won't work. We should take her to Crickhollow and try again there, where there aren't so many people around!"

"Father can I come?" Éowyn, now nearly eight, asked.

"No darling, I don't want you or your brothers anywhere near" Merry said. "Once I hold the reins myself and try to ride for real she might act up for a while. I wouldn't want you hurt if she starts to kick in every direction!"

"I don't want **you** hurt!" Pippin said. "You are not riding this pony today, Meriadoc Brandybuck! Not while she's this wild! Not while I'm alive and able to stop it!"

Merry sighed. The mare seemed impossible, she had been this way when they had first fetched her in Bree and hadn't improved since. Barliman Butterbur had been more than happy to see the pony go, and Merry left a few silver pennies poorer having felt the need to pay for the damage the mare had caused in Butterbur's stables. It had taken himself and Pippin two days to bring her back to Buckland, for she put up a good fight even though she was only led by another horse, not ridden herself. Merry and Pippin had been very confounded over why Strider had sent Merry such an animal, and when they had made sure that they hadn't served him bad ale or wine or food, and that the general hospitality had been satisfactory they stood with no other option than to write and ask. The answer had come quickly from a shocked Aragorn, who told them that he had ordered his men to send one of the best ponies they had to Merry. Instead they had sent him the pony known as Tricky, who always put up a fight and had not carried a rider for more than ten minutes in the past three years. Aragorn had thought about sending her to Rohan and have the good horsemen there take a look at her, but now the pony was in Buckland. He had told Merry to send Tricky back and have a finer pony sent to him instead, but Merry declined. He had decided to shape the mare up, he knew that if he could do that she would be perfect for breeding for she had mearas in her blood, a few generations back.

"This lass has got to shape up" Merry said and took the reins from Pippin. The mare had calmed somewhat when nobody was trying to sit up on her back, but she was still stirring. "I cannot have her acting this way, she is a danger to not only my children but to every Hobbit around her. Last week she bit Folco Boffin when he was feeding her! We can't have one of our ponies acting that way!"

"She is of even greater danger to **you**" Pippin said. "Nobody else would even consider riding her."

"I have made up my mind Pip, I shall ride her one day and I shall use her for breeding. I am not going to give up."

Pippin sighed deeply. He knew there was no use trying to talk any sense into Merry, he would do as he wished anyway. He always did. All Pippin could do was keep an eye on things, and that he intended on doing. He more or less lived at Brandy Hall these days, he arrived early each morning to have second breakfast and didn't leave until after dinner. Not only did that give him the chance to keep an eye on his cousin and the troublesome pony, but it gave him a chance to be where Merry was.

"I do agree with you though Pip" Merry said. "Enough riding for one day. Not that I would call what just happened riding, but I have a better idea. Next time I'm going to just let her run round me on a line for hours until she tires."

"You may have to set aside an entire day for that" Pippin said. "And don't tell Estella, she'll be mad."

"Nobody's going to tell her I sat in the saddle today either" Merry said. "Is that clear?" he asked the bystanders. "I want no one upsetting her!"

"Then don't ride" Fatty Bolger suggested.

"Oh be quiet Fatty" Merry said. "What else am I to use the mare for? She has got to learn to accept a rider!"

"I could think of other uses for her" Pippin said and glared at the pony, and if looks could kill the mare would be on his dinner table that evening.

"I'm with Pippin, don't ride her" Fatty said and sighed. "Though I won't tell Estella. She doesn't need to be scared half to death."

"She just doesn't trust me enough yet" Merry said.

"Who, the mare or Estella?" Pippin asked in jest.

"The **mare**" Merry said.

"Well let's take her back to her stall now" Pippin said.

"Why can't she be in the pastures with the other ponies?" Éowyn asked.

"We've been through this dear," Fatty said, "she kicks the other ponies. And bites them too, the little monster!"

"But it's such a fine day! She doesn't want to be inside!"

"Who does?" Merry asked and with a sigh saw Estella in the corner of his eye hurry from one task to another. "If only she would ever take it easy…"

"She never has and never will, that wife of yours" Pippin said. "Come now Merry… Let's put this lass back into her stall."

"No, Éowyn is right" Merry said. "It is far too fine a day for any beast to be indoors! I have an idea."

"Let's hear it then."

"I **will** break this mare down, Pippin!" Merry said. "I will have her accept me as her rider! And from on I am going to spend more time with her."

"More time?" Pippin scoffed. "You have enough to do without setting aside time to be with a troublesome pony. If I were you I would take a ride on Stybba and bring Éowyn with you, or maybe try and get Théo into a saddle!"

"I did not say I was going to spend more time with her than I already do" Merry said. "I am going to spend time differently with her. I am not going to try and ride her, I am going to try and befriend her."

"It's a waste of time" Pippin sighed.

"I agree with Pippin" Fatty said. "Forget about this Merry, you will never break this mare! She has gotten it into her head that she is going to be troublesome!"

"Father ride with me instead" Éowyn begged. "I wish to go riding, it's such a fine day for that! We can gallop!"

"You, my dear, should be helping your mother with her chores instead of helping me with mine" Merry said, trying hard to hide his pride over her wanting to be with him. "Théo and Aramac can help me out. I am not going out riding anyway, at least not now. You ought to go see if your mother needs a hand."

"Oh father…" Éowyn sighed, but she didn't object.

"Help her with Cordy" Merry said.

"But you always say you want me to be a fine horsewoman. I wish--"

"Éowyn, will you please go find your mother and help her out?" Merry interrupted her. "I know she could use a helping hand."

Éowyn sighed and obediently walked off to find her mother, who had gone back inside. Helping her mother out was not nearly as much fun as following her father around, she would much rather help him out with the mare then help her mother with Cordy. She could think of nothing better than to be out riding with her father, and it had seemed for a moment as if that was going to happen. But instead she had been sent inside. Life was not fair.

Merry watched her go and then handed the reins to Pippin and took the saddle of his mare. He had made up his mind as to what to do with her and he was going to start right this moment. He had some things waiting for him inside that needed to be taken care of, but he could do that in the evening after Pippin had left. Speaking of Pippin, he wondered if he should send his cousin inside to keep an eye on Estella and make sure that she would take it easy.

Finally the mare was wearing nothing but the halter Merry had put on her, and by now she was a lot calmer than she had been a little while ago. But still Pippin was the only one who dared to stand within three yards from her now that she didn't have any reins to help keep her under control, just the rope Merry had tied to the halter.

"You're going to let her out in the pastures?" one Hobbit nervously asked, having his own favourite pony in the pastures at the moment.

"No" Merry said. "I intend on getting to know her a bit better. She and I are going to take a walk."

"Splendid idea" Pippin said. "But it would be much nicer if the pony stayed here."

"Pippin, would you do me a favor?" Merry asked, ignoring his comment. "Would you go inside and make sure Estella takes it easy? I'm worried about her. I don't know how many times I've told her to but she just won't listen…"

Pippin hurried off inside and Merry started walking. He led the mare down the road and took off to the East, out of what felt like old habit. He had not walked far before Pippin came running up to him.

"Merry!" he said, out of breath.

Merry stopped and looked at his cousin in surprise.

"Pippin! I thought you were going to keep an eye on Estella!"

"Fatty's keeping an eye on Estella" Pippin said. "I got us food! Stolen from the kitchen!"

Merry laughed as Pippin proudly held up his backpack and changed his plans for the day. Instead of just a short walk they would stay out for a long time, just walking along the road like old times. Just him and Pippin, it sounded great.

"Very well then" he said. "Come along, master Peregrin. Let us show this lass that Hobbits can walk on their own two feet and don't need ponies to ride on!"

They continued down the road and sang happily together, and the Hobbits who saw them pass smiled. It was always a pleasant sight, the two walking and singing some old song they had learned in foreign lands. The two sang at the top of their lungs, as if competing over who could sing the loudest, singing the same short song Gandalf had taught Pippin over and over.

  
__

Tall ships and tall kings

Three times three

What brought they from the foundered land

Over the flowing sea? 

Seven stars and seven stones

And one white tree

  


The mare seemed to be shaking her head at them, or maybe just at their choice of song, causing Pippin to burst out laughing.

"You know you're quite nice when you're not trying to bite people or throw them off your back" he said to her.

"There's good in her, I tell you" Merry said.

"If only she'd show it more often."

Merry nodded. The mare sure didn't like to show her kind side, if she indeed had one as Merry claimed.

"I still think you should send her back" Pippin said. "It's a lost cause. She's too much of a hazard. Even if she does allow you to ride on her back she's probably not good for breeding with this temper of hers!"

"I don't think she's led an easy life, Pippin" Merry mused. "Those who disregard orders from their king and send a troubled horse as a gift instead of a grand acting pony, those people are not unlikely to treat an animal badly. At least I would not put it past them. I intend to show her that I will not treat her badly, and maybe then she'll begin to trust me."

"It will take more than a little kindness to cure her" Pippin said.

"Then I will show her a **lot** of kindness."

Pippin looked at the mare and sighed. He didn't put much faith in this pony, he wished Merry would send her back and accept the much finer pony offered to him by Aragorn. Tricky had well earner her name, but Merry had instantly renamed her Snow White after her colour, saying that Tricky was an awful name for a pony and that it would only remind them further of her bad behavior. Unknown to him the Hobbits at Brandy Hall called her Ice Queen, for she did indeed seem to be made more of ice than snow.

But at the moment Snow White was on good behavior. She walked nicely along with the two Hobbits who had gone back to singing, and seemed to enjoy the walk. Merry and Pippin left the main road and began to follow a path through the woods, to get some shade from the trees. It was a hot June day and under the trees the temperature was perfect.

"Good old Shire" Pippin said and took a deep breath of air. "Could we ask for any better place to live?"

"I think not" Merry said. "But the Shire is not the only place dear to my heart."

"You long for the East, don't you?" Pippin said.

"Yes. Southeast. Gondor, Rohan…"

"You're more Took than I am" Pippin sighed.

"Don't you long for those lands?"

"It is wonderful to have seen them" Pippin said. "But truth be told I long more for the people than for the places. I just don't see Gondor and Rohan the way you do, all I see there is death and war."

"That's not what I see. I see beautiful lands, green slopes and plains, flowers and trees, wonderful cities… And I see the people that I love."

"It's gotten worse, hasn't it? This longing of yours… Ever since Strider visited you've been glancing to the southeast."

"I've longed for another journey for a long time now" Merry said. "I have not been to Rohan or Gondor since before I was even engaged to Estella! It seems like forever! But I do admit that seeing Strider again made my longing worse. What I wouldn't give to see Éowyn's dear face again, to dine with her and Éomer…"

"What's keeping you?"

"I can't go **now**" Merry said. "And I don't wish to go by myself. You do not want to come yet, do you?"

"I do want to see Faramir again, and Strider, and everyone else…" Pippin said. "But I've got my own Faramir here who I can't bare to be parted with! And a wife whom I would miss dearly if I were parted from her."

"I would miss Estella and the children" Merry said with a sigh. "Miss them dearly… I have not been parted from Éowyn a single day since her birth!"

"Yes you have, during the flu!"

"I've never been parted from her for as long as I would be if I went to Rohan. I cannot go there just for a visit, if I were to go I would stay away for at least six months. Six months in Rohan that is, then there's the journey back and forth."

"I can't be parted from my wife and son for that long" Pippin said. "Faramir's the only child I have! I would miss so many things!"

Merry laughed.

"Pippin, he's not an infant. There won't be any first crawls or first steps or first words for you to miss!"

"How about the first time he catches a fish?" Pippin asked. "He's seven now, it's time for him to start learning things like that. What about the first time he kills a prey? Or the first time he writes his own name?"

"Then he can write you a letter when you're in Gondor."

"I'm sorry, Merry…" Pippin said with a sigh. "But I cannot leave him or Dimesy for up to ten months, just so you can have a companion on your journey! If you decide to travel I will miss you more than words can say, but I can't leave my son."

"I know" Merry mumbled.

"When Faramir is older I will follow you…" Pippin smiled and looked to the southeast. "Maybe Faramir can follow us too!"

"I will not have my children or yours take such a journey until they're 33 and have come of age" Merry said firmly.

"I was not that old when we left the Shire."

"Yes I know, and looking back I wish I had held you back. Look at the dangers we encountered!"

"There are no such dangers anymore" Pippin pointed out. "And any child of yours or mine can handle whatever smaller dangers they'll meet on the way."

"I don't want them to even know such dangers exist" Merry said. "When they've come of age I cannot forbid them to go, but before they do I shall do my best to keep them at home."

Pippin laughed.

"My dear Merry… You lose that control over your children long before they turn 33. Look at your favourite cousin! Nothing my father or mother, or **you** for that matter, could have said would have kept me in the Shire when we left."

"That was different Pippin, we left for Frodo" Merry said. "We left for our friend who needed us."

"Merry think of what it has to be like to be your son or daughter, or mine! Or Sam's! Think of what it must be like to be the son or daughter of the three Hobbits who left the Shire and saved the world! They've all been weaned on stories of our adventures."

"They hardly know anything" Merry pointed out.

"They know enough! They know that we have experienced some incredible things. Sooner or later they'll want to see those lands that we speak so fondly of! They'll want to experience their own adventures!"

"You're still the biggest Took, Pip" Merry laughed. "You talk of our children as if they were humans. They are Hobbits, Hobbits who belong in the Shire, who love the Shire! Hobbits who don't like adventures or long for foreign lands."

"Yet **our** Hobbits. Our children. My dearest Meriadoc, do you really think none of the adventurousness in you has been passed on to your children? Have you not seen the light in Éowyn's eyes when you tell her adventure stories? Have you not noticed how they admire you? They want to be like their father, you have filled their hearts with longing for some distant land filled with tall and noble people! And the same quality in you that made you leave your home to journey into the unknown is also in them!"

"No more stories then. I don't want them to leave home and find adventure. I don't want them in danger!"

"Why deny them what you've gotten?" Pippin asked. "Can you name one experience we went through that wasn't greatly rewarded? I can only name one myself, there is nothing in this world that can make up for what happened to you after Pellenor Fields, no reward that can feel like it was worth seeing you fall under the black shadow. But aside from that is there any danger we've stood before that hasn't rewarded us greatly?"

"Rewards…" Merry said. "But think of all the things we live with. Haven't you ever closed your eyes at night and seen the last struggle of Boromir? Felt the smell of the Uruk-hai? Heard Frodo scream as Gandalf falls into shadow? Rewards and gifts, but we pay a high price for them and I will not have my little ones pay any such prices!"

"I guess it's not up to me to tell you how to raise your children, or what to let them do or not" Pippin said. "But I do ask that you give them the chance to find out what they're truly capable of. Perhaps you are right, perhaps they won't even long to leave the Shire. But if they do, don't stand in their way."

  


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An hour passed. They walked mostly in silence, every now and then humming an old tune. The desire to sing out loud seemed to have faded, there was a serenity in the woods that they didn't wish to disturb. Snow White was on her best behavior still, seeming to enjoy the promenade as much as her master. They walked through the woods and listened to the singing birds, the only sound heard except for the mare's hooves walking on the ground. The two Hobbits made no sound as they passed through the woods.

"One day I plan on going back to the Old Forrest" Pippin said. "Just to find out it… if we can handle it better."

"Better?"

"Now that we've met Treebeard."

"Fool. What will you do if the tree that's about to devour you does not care that you know Fangorn?"

"I'll call for Tom Bombadill!" Pippin grinned. "I still haven't forgotten his verse! Don't tell me you have, Merry!"

"And you claim I am the adventurous one…"

They drifted back to silence, not feeling much need for conversation. They didn't need to speak, it was enough just to be in each other's company. Merry loosened his grip on Snow White's rope some more and let the mare walk a few paces behind them if she chose. Pippin's stomach began to growl and with a laugh Merry told him to wait another while before they ate. They should get out of the woods first.

"Then let us go back to the road!" Pippin said. "My stomach is telling me that it's already thirty minutes past a meal time! And it's going to take us at least another twenty to find our way back to the road."

"Very well then" Merry said and held Snow White on a shorter leash. "You lead the way Pip, and we shall follow."

Pippin had been right in his guess, almost precisely twenty minutes later the two reached the road. Much to Pippin's dismay, Merry did not see this as a good enough excuse to stop and find out what was in Pippin's backpack.

"Show some patience, Peregrin" he laughed. "There's a small meadow a short while ahead where we can stop to eat. We're not in such a hurry that we have to have our meal sitting by the wayside!"

"It was good enough for us during our journey" Pippin objected.

"Only when we couldn't find a better spot" Merry said. "And I don't think that happened more than twice! Come now, don't give me that pouty look! Five more minutes and we'll sit down on the meadow and eat! And Snow White can graze for a while, she too deserves to have something to eat before we turn back home."

"Fine then" Pippin said and his stomach growled again. "But if we find any mushrooms in the lunch pack then they are mine!"

Merry grinned and walked down the road. Pippin hurried up next to him and felt like five minutes were ten too many for his hungry stomach. Time always seemed so much slower when one was hungry.

Suddenly they both turned at the sound of an approaching rider. For a second their hearts filled with fear, the sound of galloping hooves on the road always did, but then they realised that it was a pony and not a horse that was coming. Merry lifted his hand to shadow the sun from his eyes and squinted.

"It looks like Fatty!" he said. "What in the world has gotten into him, he rides as if there was some foe behind him!"

"Maybe he just senses a meal" Pippin said, not very fond of the idea of having to share their meal with Merry's brother-in-law.

"Merry!" Fatty cried as he came closer and saw that it was them.

"Slow down!" Pippin said. "Why are you riding like that, causing yourself to lose your breath? Do you have fire in your heals?"

"Merry!" Fatty said again and halted his pony right in front of Snow White, making her jump nervously.

"You're scaring the mare!" Pippin angrily exclaimed.

"Merry, I've been looking everywhere for you!" Fatty said and dismounted.

"What's the rush?" Merry asked. "You've ridden your pony halt!"

"I have?" Fatty asked, and looked at his pony.

"Yes, he's limping."

"Oh dear!" Fatty shook his head. "But never mind that now, the important thing is that I found you. I've been trying to find you for nearly an hour!"

"Has something happened?"

"It's Estella!"

"Estella!"

Merry's face went pale.

"Yes" Fatty nodded. "Estella."

"What about my Estella?"

"It has begun for her. Her labour!"

"The baby?"

"But the baby's not due for another month" Pippin said.

"Tell that to the baby! It started a little over an hour ago and right before I left to find you her water broke!"

"Oh no…" Merry said. "This can't be happening! I must get back to Brandy Hall, now! Fatty give me your pony!"

Fatty obediently handed the reins to Merry, who left Snow White's to Pippin. He quickly mounted and turned the pony around, driving it to a gallop. He only got three steps down the road before the pony nearly fell over and stopped, nearly tossing Merry out of the saddle with the sudden halt.

"The hoof!" Pippin exclaimed. "He really is halt! You can't ride him in a gallop Merry, he won't be able to carry you all the way back to Brandy Hall."

"But I must get back there **now**!" Merry said. "I cannot wait, halt or no, he's going to have to carry me! There is no other way!"

"Can't you at least trot?" Pippin suggested. "He won't be of any use to you if he comes to a dead stop half an hour from Brandy Hall and is ruined in the process!"

Merry bit his lip with a grim look on his face. Then he jumped down from the pony's back and went back to Snow White, letting Fatty take the pony he'd dismounted. He looked at his troublesome beast with grim eyes.

"You're going to have to carry me then" he said to the mare.

"**No**!" Pippin said. "Over my dead body, **no**! You cannot ride her, not even with a saddle and reins could you ride her!"

"I am just going to **have** to" Merry said.

"Merry it is no use!" Fatty said to his brother-in-law. "The longer you stand here the longer it will take you before your own two feet have carried you back to the Hall. You've got no time to waste, just go!"

"That will take too long" Merry said. "We're two hours from the Hall by foot, it might be too late by the time I get back!"

"Don't say that" Fatty said.

"Snow White is going to have to take me" Merry said.

"No, I forbid it!" Pippin said. "What good is it to anyone if she throws you off her back and you break your neck? What good is it to Estella if we have to bring her word of your death? Getting there late is better than not getting there at all."

"If I get there too late it will be the same as not getting there at all" Merry said. "I have to get to the Hall, my wife needs me Pippin!"

"She needs you **alive**!"

"I have to get to her, I have to get to her **now**! I cannot walk, it will take too long, I must be by her side!"

"I do not care! I will not have you risk your life! You cannot ride her with reins and saddle, much less with just a rope tied to a halter!"

"Pippin **help me**" Merry said and glared at his cousin with tears in his eyes. "Help me. I am begging you."

"I must be out of my mind" Pippin sighed, caving in and holding Snow White still for Merry to try and mount.

"What are you doing?" Fatty asked. "Merry no! Pippin, stop him!"

But even though that was what he wanted to do, Pippin didn't stop his cousin. He watched Merry mount Snow White, who objected at once, with a grim look on his face. He knew it was not worth arguing over, Merry would have his way eventually anyway, and Pippin couldn't say no when he begged him for help.

"You'll only going to kill yourself!" Fatty cried. "Do I need to lose a brother today, when I already have a sister terribly ill?"

"She needs me" Merry said, with a calmness in his voice that scared Fatty more than anything else. He had never seen Merry with that look in his eyes before and that too frightened Fatty more than he could say.

"I just hope Snow White doesn't kill you" Pippin said angrily, trying his best to keep the unruly mare still.

"She needs you **alive**" Fatty said to Merry. "Don't do this, don't kill yourself! Don't do this to my sister!"

"She needs me" Merry said again. "I cannot stay here, I have to get back to Brandy Hall as soon as I can."

"What will you be able to do?" Fatty angrily asked, getting desperate. "She is your wife, they will never let you see her anyway! Not until it's all over! Even if you do get there within the hour you will still only be waiting around, unable to see her!"

"Sometimes just knowing that the one you love is there helps more than anything else" Pippin mumbled, more to himself than to Fatty.

"You're going to die, if you ride bareback with no reins on that animal you surely will! Snow White is going to throw you off and you will break your neck!" Fatty cried.

"No she **won't**!" Merry said grimly and grabbed the reins from Pippin. "Now you listen to me, **I** am in charge here" he said to the mare who tried her best to get rid of him. "You must take me back to the Hall. I have to be there, I **have** to, and you are my only chance of getting there on time, do you understand me?"

"That won't work" Fatty said. "She's a pony, she won't understand." He had heard that Elves could speak with animals, but no matter how many Elves Merry knew he was still only a Hobbit and unable to speak with animals.

"I will make her understand" Merry said angrily. "Enough of this nonsense, I have never hurt you and I never will, not so long as you do as I say. But if you keep me from getting to my wife now then I shall make sure you are never seen again other than on my dinner table! Take me back, I **command** you!"

He added something in Elvish, and Fatty closed his eyes. He didn't want to see when Snow White finally managed to throw Merry from her back, the day was awful enough as it was. Fatty was sure that nothing Merry said, in whatever language he might say it, would do any good, whether or not he had learned the words from an Elf. But then he heard the sound of galloping hooves and opened his eyes just in time to see Merry storm past him on his wild pony.

"It will never end well" he said. "Pippin how could you let him?"

"Let him… it was not about letting him" Pippin said, sounding calmer than he felt. "And to be honest I think he's scared her enough by his own fear to be able to control her."

The two looked after Merry as he disappeared in a cloud of dust. Fatty sighed heavily and wondered what evil things would have happened before this day reached its end. Pippin just stood there in silence for a long time, shaken to his core by Merry's reaction to the news of Estella and her baby.

  


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Pippin had been right in guessing that Snow White had been scared enough to obey her master. The turn of events had come so sudden and he had been so desperate that she had only wanted to flee, and if he wanted to be on her back as she did so then she wouldn't object any further. She was storming in the direction Merry wanted to go and he let her run as fast as she could, still wishing he was riding Stybba who would have carried him much faster but thankful that there was at least one animal able to take him back home.

His mind was filled with one thing only, Estella, his Estella. Estella who was expecting their fifth child in July, a child who would be born to the year a month after Comradoc. Estella who was always busy outside, running from one chore to another no matter what Merry or anyone else told her about taking it easy. Estella who always looked at him with such loving eyes, looked at him like nobody else did, and whom Merry looked at like he looked at no one else. Estella who seemed to understand his mind better than he thought anyone but Pippin or possibly Éowyn ever could. Estella who had been his life partner for twelve years. Estella who was in labour with a child who should not be born yet for another month.

Merry came storming up to Brandy Hall more than an hour sooner than he would have on foot, to the shock of everyone who saw him. The condition of his wife was known all around the Hall, it had caused a mixture of panic and fear with those who had been present when her labour had begun, and it had spread like fire when Fatty Bolger and three others had rode out in different directions to find the Master. But it was unclear what shocked and scared the Hobbits present for Merry's return the most. The sight of their always so calm and secure Master storming in bareback on a horse, leaping from its back before it had even come to a full halt and rushed inside without bothering to see if anyone took the rope that had served as reins, or the sight of him coming riding bareback on Snow White with nothing but a rope tied to the halter to keep the animal under control. One of the Hobbits present was so shocked that he grabbed the rope and led the exhausted animal inside the stall, not realising until Snow White was properly taken care of and fed that he had just cared for the pony that everyone feared.

Merry stormed inside the Hall, scaring everyone present almost as much as he had scared those who were outside and had watched him arrive.

"You there!" he said to one of them. "Estella! Where is she?"

"She's in the room with the blue curtains down the hall from the nursery" came the stunned answer. "But Master you can't go there!" the voice added as Merry hurried off to the room.

Merry couldn't care less whether or not he could go there, go there he would. He hurried to the room and stormed inside, once again scaring everybody present. He stopped dead in his tracks as he found Estella in the middle of a contraction, surrounded by her mother and his, and probably five or six other lasses.

"Estella!" he cried.

"Master Merry!" one of the lasses exclaimed.

"Merry get out" his mother said, as calm as if she'd expected him to come running in. "Wait in the hallway."

"Estella!"

"**Out**!"

Merry turned and slammed the door shut. Then as he finally paused his fear turned to anger. What could have brought this on other than Estella's refusal to relax and take it easy? She was not as young as she had once been and she had to take it easy during her pregnancy, for her own sake and the child's, Merry had told her so over and over again. But she had not listened, she had continued to run back and forth between outdoor chores and indoor ones, working just as hard as when she was not eight months pregnant. And now she was having the baby a month early, giving birth to a child that stood very little chance of surviving. Premature children did so seldom that it was practically unheard of.

Angrily he marched off toward the nursery, where he found his four children, all looking worried and scared. In the middle of all the commotion nobody had remembered them, and they had seen and heard more than they normally would have gotten to before they had fled to the nursery. Éowyn was rocking Cordy in her arms and Théo clung to her arm. Aramac sat leaned against the wall with his arms around his knees, nervously biting his lip. They all looked up when their father came storming in, and they got a surprised look in return. They could see that he was angry, and it seemed to scare the lads but not Éowyn.

"Mother is not in any danger" she told her brother with a relieved smile. "For father is angry. He is never angry with her if she is gravely ill."

"Why are you angry?" Théo asked.

"It's between me and your mother" Merry mumbled.

"Is mother going to die?" Aramac asked with tears in his eyes.

"Don't ask such daft questions!" Merry snarled, not wanting to answer it since he knew there was a chance she might. "Are you all okay?"

"We're scared" Aramac said.

"Don't be" Merry said and marched over to the window and looked out. He couldn't see Snow White anywhere, but most likely she had run to the woods. But what did it matter anyway, he had more important things to think about.

"You came back" Éowyn said.

"Uncle Fatty found me."

"You came back…" Éowyn said again.

The door opened and Esmeralda stood there, hastily wrapped in a robe to keep the children from seeing the blood that was on her clothes. Merry turned and looked at her, and she shook her head at the anger she saw in his eyes.

"Merry" she said. "A word."

Merry went out in the hall with her and walked a few meters away from the door so that the children wouldn't be able to overhear anything.

"How is she?"

"In labour" Esmeralda said.

"Too soon. It's too soon."

"She will be having this baby within a few hours, too soon or not" Esmeralda said. "There's nothing that can change that now. She's had contractions for more than two hours. Her water has broken."

"Fatty mentioned that."

"So it was Fatty that found you."

"Mother I need to see her."

"You can't" Esmeralda said. "You know you can't."

"But I shall" Merry said.

"Go back to the nursery, get yourself a drink on the way, and calm down! Don't look so angry, go calm your children!"

"No" Merry said. "I am going to see my wife."

"You can't."

"Oh yes I can, and I will!" Merry said.

"You lads may decide about most things, but a delivery room is a lasses to decide over" Esmeralda said firmly. "And you will not see her. You will only frighten her and make her think that something is wrong."

"Something's wrong?" Merry echoed. "Something **is** wrong! And I demand to see her, as Master of Buckland and of this home I **order** it! And get rid of those lasses in there, how many does it take to deliver a child? Pick one out that you like better than the others and send the rest off to do something better with their time."

Angrily he strode off toward Estella's birthing room and went inside. Esmeralda sighed and walked up to the room as well, where Merry had just commanded everyone who wasn't currently having a baby to leave the room. She wished she could stop him but she knew that she couldn't, and she could only hope he wouldn't say anything unnecessary.

"Merry…" Estella whispered when they were alone. "You came! Oh Merry!"

"When are you going to start to listen?" Merry angrily asked and walked over to her side. "When, tell me when Estella!"

"I…" Estella said, and looked at him with confusion. She didn't know what to say, she had expected any reaction but this angry one.

"How many times have I not told you?" Merry went on. "How many? I have said, over and over again, that you must take it easy and not exhaust yourself! For your own sake and for the baby's. But you haven't listened!"

"Merry, I--"

"This is because of **you**" Merry said and sat down in a chair next to her bedside. "Had you only done as I've said you would not be here right now, having a baby that will probably be dead by morning! How could you not listen, how could you be so careless?"

"Don't be mad" Estella whispered.

"I **will** be mad! I have every right to be. This is my **child**! My child whose life you have been so reckless with!"

"Don't say anything else" Estella said and shook her head, fighting back her tears. "You will regret it."

"**You** are the one who should be in regret" Merry said. "If you wish to jeopardize your own health that is bad enough, for anything that happens to you happens to me as well! But it is **not** up to you to jeopardize the baby! The baby is mine as much as yours, not to mention that the baby is his or her own!"

Estella broke from his eyes and a tear fell down her cheek. She had longed for him so much when her labour had begun, knowing that if he could only be with her, if she could only see him for a second she would feel better. And he had come. But not with comfort or assurance, with blame and anger.

"How could you risk the baby like that? Didn't I tell you that no good would come of you never resting? I told you that something like this might happen if you didn't take it easy! But you chose not to listen and now here you are! I hope you know that a child born this prematurely stands very little chance of surviving."

"I didn't mean for this to happen!" Estella whispered.

"You have to **think**!" Merry said. "I told you, time and again! You're not as young as you were when Éowyn was born, you are 52 years old now and must take it easy! How could you have such little respect for the baby inside of you?"

"Why are you saying these things to me?" Estella asked. "This could have waited, couldn't it? Do you need to make this any more horrid than it already is?"

"If you think it's horrid now then wait until you know what it's like when a child dies" Merry said, having seen dead children enough to know what a horrible thing that was for a parent. "Then you can talk about it being horrid."

"What has gotten into you? This isn't my Merry talking!"

"Maybe it isn't. But you don't listen to the Merry you think of as yours so then you shall listen to this Merry instead. Everybody in Buckland and the Marish respects my opinion and authority, you only laugh at it! I will have no more of it, look where that has brought us!"

"I do respect your opinion."

"If that were true you would have listened and taken it easy. You would not have laughed and told me that I was worrying too much, or get back to your chores as soon as I turned my back! You would have rested!"

"Do you think this is easy for me?" Estella said, no longer fighting her tears. "Do you not think it pains me?"

"Do you think I do not feel any pain?" Merry asked. "I will soon know what it feels like to lose a child, the most horrible thing any parent can experience! And all because of you!"

"No…" Estella said and shook her head.

"Yes, Estella. Yes! We both have to suffer for how little respect you have shown me, me and the baby! And the baby will suffer most of all, never even getting a chance of survival!"

"Merry please don't say anything else, not if you love me" Estella said. "I don't understand, why must you say all of this to me now?"

Then she cried out from pain and closed her eyes. She couldn't bare to look at him, she was heartbroken by his cold words and embarrassed that her husband saw her in this condition. Merry didn't seem to be the least bit bothered or moved by the pain she was in, he rose from his chair and told her to open her eyes. She obediently did and looked into his, begging him for forgiveness.

"Why do I say this to you now?" he said. "Because I want you to know that this wouldn't have happened had you followed my advice or even done as I **begged**! I want you to know, every minute that you spend giving birth to this child, that our baby is not likely to live. That your child never got a fair chance in this world because you didn't respect him or her enough to care for yourself while carrying the baby inside. And I want you to be aware that the baby might die, my son or daughter as well as yours, and it would never have had to happen if you had been more careful. Our little one is not at all likely to live… I just want you to know that."

With that he turned and left the room. Estella's mother and one of the other lasses went back inside, but Esmeralda looked at her son and his grim face.

"Whatever you said to her…" she said. "I hope you think it was worth it. I hope you didn't make it any worse."

"All I said to her is what I needed to say" Merry answered. "It is time that she learned to respect me."

"She does. She loves you."

"And because I love her she thinks she doesn't have to listen to me, she thinks she can do whatever she pleases and I will not care. But it is time she learned that I demand respect from her as she demands it from me. I am just sorry that she had to learn the lesson at the cost of our innocent child!"

  


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Merry spent the following hours in the nursery with the children. Pippin and Fatty arrived an hour and a half after Merry and joined him in the nursery, trying to keep up a calm façade in front of the worried children. Merry didn't say much, he was still angry and seemed to be having a lot on his mind. He absent-mindedly carved a figurine out of a piece of wood as he thought things over, and left the care of the children to the other two.

Pippin made an effort to try and tell the children a story, but soon found he couldn't think of any stories other than those he knew Merry didn't want them to hear. He gave up trying and sang the children songs instead, and had at least Théo and Aramac for an audience. Éowyn had put her youngest brother to bed with the help of her uncle and had sat down to work on her sowing. Fatty sat by the window and looked out, wishing he could be somewhere else.

"Do you think it will be much longer?" Pippin asked Merry after a long while.

"Haven't got a clue…"

"Either way I guess it will all be over too soon" Pippin mumbled, thinking of the child that wouldn't live.

Merry didn't answer, he just carved his figuring with a little more force. It was anyone's guess what his motif was, but in his current state of mind it wouldn't surprise Pippin if he was carving a little orc.

"Fatty you must think I'm some kind of pig…" Merry eventually said.

"Huh?" Fatty said, being brought back to reality from wherever his mind had been.

"For doing this to your sister… No more than four months after she's had Cordy I go and get her in a delicate condition again. She shouldn't have to be in there now, she wouldn't be if I hadn't done this to her."

"What do I know about married life?" Fatty said. "I can't say whether or not you should have kept yourself from her. All I ask of you now, if you allow me to ask, is that you won't let this happen again for at least a few more months, give her some time to rest."

"Currently I don't think there's any chance of it happening for a long time" Pippin said and glanced at Merry. "Not if this mood is going to last…"

"But don't be cold to her, Merry" Fatty said. "You know I love you both, I don't want to see either one of you hurt… I can see that you are angry with her. But she needs you now, and you must promise me that you'll show her warmth and not this cold!"

Merry took a pause in his carving and seemed to ponder Fatty's words for a while before he went back to his figurine. A while later he hastily put it aside and left the room, much to everybody's surprise. He stormed down the hall and went inside Estella's room without bothering to knock.

"Mother I need a word with you!" he said.

"Not now Merry" Esmeralda said.

"What is with everyone, why do people have a problem with listening to what I say? I need a word with you **now**!"

"Go" Estella's mother said to Esmeralda. "We can handle this, for now."

"This had better be very important!" Esmeralda said to her son when she shoved him out the room and closed the door. "I am getting mighty tired of your superior attitude! And what exactly did you tell that poor lass, she hasn't stopped crying since you saw her!"

"Never mind that" Merry said. "Mother I need you to help me now, so that we can keep this baby alive!"

"Alive? Darling, I don't think this child will live much longer than for you to hold him…"

"I have to try" Merry said. "I couldn't possibly give up on my child, not while there's still something that can be done! I shall do everything that I can and you are going to help me. As soon as the baby is born and cleaned up, he is going to be wrapped up in a blanket and then we are somehow going to tie up that blanket to Estella."

"What?"

"It has got to work! If the baby is kept close to her he or she will get warmth from her, get to hear her heartbeat, get to be comforted at any time! The baby needs to save strength, mother! If he or she is right by Estella's chest all the time it won't have to cry when it wants to feed, or when the nappies need to be changed. Estella will be able to tell."

"I don't think it will do any good" Esmeralda said. "You must realise that your child will not live Meriadoc."

"I won't give up on this baby, not without doing anything that I can. Help me mother, what have you got to lose?"

Merry's mother sighed and gave in.

  


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The baby was born two hours later, and it wasn't brought to Merry after having been cleaned up. Instead Esmeralda did as she had been instructed and made sure that the baby was safe in Estella's arms. She put little faith to Merry's idea but it wouldn't harm the baby to try and she wanted to help her grandchild in whatever way she could.

When Merry was let in to see the child he and Estella were left alone, and Estella looked at him with fear in her eyes. She was scared of what he was going to say, she needed his support now and not his anger.

"Is it all over now?" she asked and started to cry again. "I've never heard a baby sound like that… So little, so frail! The weakest cry I have ever heard!"

Merry sat down next to her, holding a pouch in his hand.

"As long as the baby breathes, I won't give up hope" he said.

"What about us?" she asked. "Is that over?"

"Over?"

"Will you love me again?" she asked. "Will you ever be able to look at me and have that love in your eyes that I depend on?"

"Don't talk like that" Merry said gently. "Hush…"

"I need to know" she said. "Is it all over? I love you my darling, but will you love me when our child is dead and it is because of me?"

"Este--"

"No it is because of me! You said so yourself, the baby is going to die and it is all because of me. How can you love me now? How can you look at me like you've looked at me before, knowing that we only have four children when there should have been five, and it is all my fault!"

Merry grabbed her chin and pulled her closer for a long, hard kiss. Then he looked into her surprised eyes and dried some of her tears with his thumbs.

"Estella don't say anything else. I meant what I said to you before, if you had taken it easier none of this would have happened. But fall out of love with you? Where did you get an idea like that?"

"How could you possibly love me after this? After I killed our child!"

"You didn't kill the baby intentionally" Merry said. "It was your stupidity and stubbornness. I have promised to love you come rain, come shine, in good times and in bad, to love what's good in you and what is bad. You kissed my best friend but I love you still. You brought this on our child but I do love you still. If you were to kill one of our children intentionally I would never be able to love you anymore, but I cannot fall out of love with you because you made a mistake, however horrible that mistake turned out to be."

"So you still love me? You're still mine?"

"I always will be. Until death parts us, and then once again when death reunites us. I am yours and you are mine, come rain, come shine."

"Merry mine…" she whispered.

"But I do ask that you from now on do as I say. I don't ask much of you, but I do ask that you obey me when I tell you what to do to keep your health."

"I promise" Estella whispered. "I promise, love! Don't you want to see the baby now, Merry mine?"

"I'm… not sure. It frightens me" Merry admitted. "Once I lay my eyes on that child I will be filled with that unconditional love… That love feels like a curse when the child will not live!"

"I thought you hadn't given up hope."

"There will always be hope. But truth be told… I don't think this child of ours will live long enough to be given a name."

Estella closed her eyes and wished she could make the pain inside go away. When she woke up this morning she had been just fine, carrying her fifth child in the eight month. Now she was lying there with that child in her arms, born a month too early and not likely to live to the day the birth was meant to occur. She opened her eyes again and saw Merry opening the pouch in his hand, and a lovely scent filled the room as he lifted some dried herbs from the pouch.

"_Athelas_" he said. "Aragorn left this for me when last he visited… It is dry now, it works better when it's fresh, but it's better than nothing."

"It looks like kingsfoil!"

"This saved my life once" Merry said. "Without it I had been wandering in the shadow world… It is my hope that it will save my child!"

  
  


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One week later the baby was still alive, and seeming to grow. Whether it was the athelas or the constant care of Estella that was saving the little one was unclear, but the important thing was that the fifth child of Meriadoc and Estella was alive to be given its name a week after the premature birth.

In a small ceremony held inside the master bedroom, with the child in mother in bed, the baby was given its name. The only ones present were the parents, grandparents and Peregrin and Fredegar. Merry gave the child its name and then handed the little one back to the mother, adding a prayer that the child would continue to grow and thrive.

Lucimac was the name given to the child, a boy, but Lucky was the name he would be known by during the rest of his life. And with each passing day Lucky Brandybuck grew stronger, and when the time came for the celebration of Bilbo and Frodo's birthdays the baby was strong enough to come to Bag End with his family. And the stories of Master Meriadoc's ability to heal spread, adding further to the stories that were to become myths and legends among the Hobbits. Merry knew not even half of what was said about him, and if he'd known he would most likely only have found it awkward. Most of the stories that went around weren't even true, and those who had some truth to them had been turned into something much bigger than it originally had been.

But for as long as he lived in the Shire, Merry would come across the story of how he had stormed up to Brandy Hall on the beast that couldn't be tamed, riding faster than the wind people said, to be by his wife's side. Snow White had not improved after the incident, she still refused to let anybody ride on her back, and people said that the Master had used magic to ride the unruly pony back to Brandy Hall. And as the years went on, people began to say that he had passed his magic on to Lucky.

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Some last thoughts: As I said, I don't care much for this chapter. For one, as you've surely noticed it's extremely over-dramatic. Overkill seems to be the appropriate word… Sure, it seemed good enough in my head when I mapped out the basics of the chapter, but once written down it just seemed over the top. Second, it feels like Pippin isn't getting to do much of anything in the past couple of chapters, and sadly he'll have to wait another two chapters before he really does anything. This chapter and the following two will focus mainly on Merry.

As for the children thing… I know some of you think that they do nothing but have kids, but… Well, in my experience that's what happens when there are no methods of birth control. I want the story to be realistic and the realistic thing is that several children will be born into a loving marriage where there's no birth control and both parties are fertile. However I promise that they won't have even half as many as Sam and Rosie, in fact I've written the chapter that comes after the birth of their last child.

Also in response to people thinking it's too "dull" or "repetitive", I agree with you. That is however how life is, the years all seem alike and only a few of them have life altering events. Since each chapter only deals with a few months of each year I can't really dig any deeper into all happenings either, I don't want the chapters to drag on for ever and ever. However I don't _try_ to write the chapters repetitive, it's just that I've only got specific plans for about half of them and the other half I just let my imagination flow as I write. And in writing those chapters I'm bound to what I know will come in the next chapters so I can't include anything too dramatic…

Anyway, I want you all who have come this far in the story to know that I greatly appreciate your feedback and that you take the time to even read my story! Please don't take any of my comments now to mean that you can't point out flaws in my story or my writing, how am I supposed to improve if nobody points out to me what I do wrong? I want honest feedback, whether it be good or bad. I figure there must be _something_ good about the story if you've come this far… And yet there's always room to improve!

I'm gonna put a sock in it now, and let you write your review, which I hope you will do! Feedback is what I live for as a writer =) Hopefully I will have the next chapter up within a few weeks, and I promise, there will be no babies born in that one! At least not for the Brandybucks, but you know how those Gamgees are… ;)

Oh and btw… That song Merry and Pippin sang… I know it's both odd and out of context, but that was the whole point of it, them singing something completely irrelevant. The carefree nature of the Hobbits… 


	10. 1438

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Author's Note: A fairly uneven chapter which I'm not happy with. I basically had no ideas for this chapter except for roughly where I wanted it to be in the end. A "space filler" one might call it. Pippin is hardly in it, unfortunately. There's more Sam than Pippin actually, but don't worry Pippin fans, he'll feature more in the upcoming parts!

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Disclaimer: I still own nothing.

****

"Good night. Sleep well" Merry said and blew out the candle on his nightstand.

Estella could hear him settling next to her in the darkness, and she could hear a sigh coming from his lips. She waited, but nothing happened. She sighed and stared at the ceiling, wondering what was wrong. It was January, seven months had passed since Lucky's birth at not once had Merry come to her at night like he used to. They had never been intimately parted for this long before, and it was driving Estella crazy. Every night she hoped she would hear him shift on his side of the bed and feel his lips on her, usually followed by a mumbled seductive phrase, and then they would be together. But every night he seemed to lay still in his bed, never showing any signs of wanting her as much as she wanted him. Many nights she had thought about coming to him and showing him what she wanted, but she always managed to control herself. She had promised herself that she would never be so direct with him as to do something like that, she had always believed that it wasn't fitting for lasses to do such things. But most of all she was afraid that he wouldn't want her. She was terrified of being rejected by him, more afraid of that than anything else. She worried each day that she had wrecked the good thing they'd had when being careless during her latest pregnancy, even though Merry had said that he loved her still he hadn't done much to physically prove it.

She could hear him groan and then sigh, obviously uncomfortable and longing for something that she knew she could give him. It made no sense to her, if he wanted her then why didn't he do anything about it? She was right there next to him and she would not reject him. Finally she made up her mind. She had to know.

"Oh Merry, what is wrong?" she asked. If she could not act on how she felt she could at least talk about it.

"What?" Merry asked, opening one eye. "Did you say something?"

"What is wrong?"

"Something's wrong?"

She sat up in her bed.

"There must be. Seven months have now passed since Lucky's birth, twice you have made me pregnant closer to a birth than that! Why have you not come to me during these months, have I done something wrong?"

Merry opened his other eye and looked at her.

"What? Estella go back to sleep."

"That is all we ever do when we're alone now. Sleep."

"That is why we get into bed at night, is it not? I'm exhausted, I've been working hard all day, and so have you!"

"Never before have you been too exhausted to come to me."

She blushed and was glad that he couldn't see her too well in the darkness. She couldn't believe that she was actually talking about this with him.

"Perhaps not…" Merry said. "But all I want is to sleep."

"I think not" she said. "I can tell…"

Merry sighed and rolled over on his back, not happy with the discussion. It was true that he did long for her, but he had promised not to get her pregnant again anytime soon. And he wanted to prove to himself that he could stay away from her, that he still had enough self control to do so. He had been feeling very guilty after she'd gotten pregnant merely three months after Cordy's birth, he had wondered what mattered more to him, his pleasure or her health. And now he was determined to prove to himself that her health mattered more.

"Merry have I done something wrong?" she asked again.

"No."

"Then what is the matter? We won't wake Lucky…"

"I just don't want you to get pregnant again" he told her and rolled over on his side again, closing his eyes to go to sleep.

"Oh…" she said.

Merry was just about to drift off to sleep when he realised that she was crying. Keeping in a sigh he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"What is it?" he asked.

"You don't trust me enough, do you?" she said. "After what happened with Lucky!"

"Trust you?"

"I have carried four children to term, four healthy little ones! But with Lucky I didn't, and now you don't trust me to be able to care for your children while they're still in my body. So you're never going to be with me again?"

"Estella, please!" Merry said. "Don't be daft! Lucky is alive, he survived. And I can assure you that if you have a sixth child I shall be keeping my eyes on you during the entire pregnancy, making sure you don't lift as much as a toe without supervision! Don't cry, it has nothing to do with what happened last time."

"What is it, then? Have you simply lost interest in me?"

"You're being daft again. You've had two children in less than a year, I just want you to get some rest before getting pregnant again."

"Rest…" she said. "What's to say I won't get both time and rest before my next pregnancy, regardless of what you and I do together? You do know that I was your wife for four years before Éowyn was born! And Aramac came three years after Théodoc, and Cordy came three years after him!"

"But I don't want to take any chances. Now dry your tears and go to sleep."

Estella obeyed, or at least tried to. Soon she could hear Merry's even breaths as he slept, but she couldn't understand how he could sleep. She wanted to sleep in his arms, the way she always would after they had been together, not alone on her side of the bed. She didn't understand what he was talking about, it sounded like an excuse in her ears, and it worried her. She wanted her husband back.

"Will you be back home soon, father?" Éowyn asked and held Stybba's reins as Merry got up in the saddle.

"I should be" Merry told her with a smile. "No more than a day or two…"

"I wish I could come" Éowyn sighed. "I want to see Rosie, we haven't played in a long time. And I'd love to see the new baby."

"I can't take you" Merry said. "There's enough going on there anyway, I don't want to put any troubles on adult Rosie now that she's just had a baby. You have to stay here and help look after **our** baby."

"Lucky's not a baby anymore, he's a toddler" Éowyn said in an important tone of voice.

"Toddler then" Merry laughed. "Keep a special eye on him for me, okay?"

"I will" Éowyn sighed and handed the reins to her father. "Be back real soon!"

"I promise" Merry said and waved at her as he rode off toward Bag End.

As he passed by the fields of the Shire he could see Hobbits preparing to sow their crops and others tending to their animals. Spring had come, and it was as lovely as it had ever been. Summer was right around the corner and Merry would be glad to welcome it. Summertime always felt special to him, even though it had been a few years now since they had last spent a summer at Crickhollow. But next year Merry hoped to finally get the breeding going, he was making slow progress with Snow White but yet there was progress. He believed she would be good by next spring, or at least he hoped she would be. She still hadn't let him ride on her back since the day Lucky had been born, but at least now she accepted him when he groomed her and cared for her.

Merry dreamed of the day he would be able to ride around on a pony he'd bred himself, a pony which was a little more than half mearas. As much as he loved Stybba, his friend was getting old and Merry planned on letting him spend his last years just taking it easy and grazing. But he would need a new beast to ride once Stybba was retired.

Merry resisted the temptation of stopping by at one of the inns along the road to have a mug of ale, knowing that the Gaffer's fine ale waited for him at Bag End. Sam always kept a fine stock of it, still calling it the Gaffer's even though he'd been brewing it by himself for fifteen years, and he would no doubt be serving it tonight. Merry looked forward to spending a night or maybe two at Bag End, even though the place looked a lot different now than it had when Frodo lived there. It still made him feel connected to Frodo, and it held a lot of great memories of Merry's youth.

He was also looking forward to seeing Sam's latest child. Estella had been gone for two weeks now, to be a midwife for Rosie when her time came, and this morning he had received word that a child had been born at Bag End. Merry was coming to Hobbiton to inspect the new-born Gamgee but also to bring his wife home with him. He had missed Estella, Brandy Hall had been chaotic without her. Lucky and Cordy had been left mainly to two nurses, as Estella still nursed Lucky every day and Cordy at occasion, but especially Lucky needed his mother, and Merry didn't like to leave his children with nurses. Especially Lucky, who was weaker than his older siblings had been at his age. The older children didn't depend on their mother as much, but especially Théo had been cranky when she wasn't there to tuck him in. Merry was glad that she was coming back, he longed to see her face when he woke up in the morning again.

Merry suddenly longed even more to be at Bag End, and urged Stybba to go as fast as he could. When he finally arrived in Hobbiton and came up to Bag End he could hear Sam's uncle Halfred complain over what he called reckless riding, but Merry only grinned. He trusted Stybba to keep them safely on their course and he knew that most Hobbits would give a whole sack of mushrooms for a ride on his fine pony. Sam's only living uncle could complain as much as he wanted to, Merry knew he would love to ride like that himself.

He halted by the gates and was greeted by his young namesake, who was eleven years old now. Merry handed Stybba over to the lad, who was amazed by the vote of confidence to get to take care of the pony and mumbled a dozen different versions of "it's an honour" before Merry sent him off with a laugh. He trusted that the pony was in good hands, Sam's second son seemed to have a way with animals.

He went up to the door and knocked, and went inside without waiting for an answer. He got no further than to the kitchen before he was greeted by seven of the Gamgee children, including little Bilbo, and nearly fell over in the process. With a laugh he sat down on the ground and soon had Sam's children everywhere around him. Two were fighting over his lap, three were trying to climb up on his shoulders and young Rosie had to hold back little Bilbo so that he wouldn't accidentally get hurt by his siblings.

"Uncle Merry!" they cried. "Tell us a story!"

"A story?" Merry said and laughed. "I have barely gotten through the door! Where is your father, where is Mrs. Brandybuck?"

"Mrs. Brandybuck is with mother" Rose said and blushed, a little shy even with a good friend of the family. "And father is out in the garden."

"I did not see him when I came" Merry said. "He must be somewhere in the back! I hear you've gotten a sister, my sincerest congratulations!"

"We already have sisters" Hamfast said. "I would rather have had a dog!"

"I don't think that would have been possible" Merry said.

"Tell us a story uncle Merry, please!" Daisy begged and gave up trying to climb up on his shoulders.

"I might tell you a story later" Merry said.

"No, now!"

Estella showed up in the doorway, having heard the commotion, and laughed when she saw her husband sitting on the floor, surrounded by children begging him for a story. It suited him to be surrounded by children hungry for stories. Merry looked up and their eyes met.

"Mrs. Brandybuck!" he said, and his smile widened. "There you are! It's mighty fine to see you again."

"You seem to be popular today, Mr. Brandybuck" she replied and leaned against the wall with a smile.

"A little too popular, I fear" Merry said and laughed. "I can't get up on my feet!"

"Now give him a little room!" Estella told the children, who obeyed reluctantly.

"Thank you dear" Merry said and rose to his feet, brushing his legs. "Seven little Gamgees I count. An eight greeted me at the gate, but where is the ninth and tenth? And most importantly, how is the eleventh doing?"

"She is doing fine, and so is the mother" Estella said. "Now come here and greet your wife properly."

Merry came up to her and gave her a kiss, but when he tried to give her a hug as well he was stopped by Sam's children tugging his arms.

"When will we hear a story, uncle Merry?" Daisy asked.

"Later" Merry said.

"When is later?"

Before Merry could answer Sam came through the front door, dirt on his hands and green spots on his clothes, making it obvious that he had indeed come from the garden. His face lit up when he saw his old friend.

"Merry!" he said. "You're here! Sit, let me get you some of the Gaffer's old ale!"

Merry obediently sat and immediately found himself with two children in his lap. Estella shook her head with a smile and lifted up young Bilbo into her own lap as she sat down opposite her husband.

"So here you are" she said. "How long do you wish to stay?"

"We should leave tomorrow, as much as I'd like to stay longer. Lucky could need his mother, and the rest of the children as well."

"How is Éowyn?" Rose asked.

"She is just fine, thank you so much for asking! She sends her love and wishes she could come and play."

"Would you like something to eat?" Sam asked, returning with a mug of ale for himself and one for Merry.

"I won't say no to that!"

Before long Sam, Merry and Estella were enjoying a generous serving of the leftovers from last night's dinner, although Sam was more concerned with humbly bragging about his new-born daughter than with eating.

"So when do I get to meet this little miracle of life?" Merry asked.

"As soon as we're done eating!" Sam promised. "Her name's Ruby, Ruby Gamgee, for she's quite the little gem!"

"I'm sure she is" Merry said. "It's a shame we can't stay for her name giving ceremony, but there are things to tend to at Brandy Hall. We will have to send our love and a bottle of wine with Pip and Diamond."

"How long will you stay?"

"We'll be leaving tomorrow" Merry said. "But I promise you Sam that whenever I can find a few days in a row without anything on my schedule I will come to stay for a while."

"Will you tell us stories then?" Goldilocks asked.

"Perhaps I will" Merry said.

"Leave him alone" Sam said. "Can you give him a little room to breathe at least?"

"Not as long as there's a story left to be told" Merry assumed with a smile. "My dear Sam, I don't think I knew what I was doing when I first started telling them stories!"

Sam shook his head and smiled. In truth he was looking forward to the story-telling as much as his children, there wasn't a story that he couldn't hear a hundred times over, especially those which were about people that he knew. He looked at his children and remembered how eager for a story he had been himself when he was little, always asking Bilbo Baggins to tell one. If only he'd known then that he had his own stories lying ahead of him, and that one day children would be begging their parents to tell them.

"It's great to be alone with you again" Merry said that night after getting into bed. "I have missed you."

"I feel the same way" Estella said. "And seeing little Ruby makes me long for my own children. I love being here at Bag End, but there is no place like home."

"Indeed there isn't" Merry said. "And home is not the same without you. It's going to be good to have you back."

"I wonder how long it will be before Rose announces that the twelfth baby is on the way" Estella said and sighed. "She'll be a mother of thirty before it ends!"

"All their children are lovely" Merry said. "Sam and Rosie sure are fertile, I wonder if Sam feels the need to make up for Pippin's inability to have more than one child."

"I wonder how long it will be before you and I have another one" Estella said and looked at her hands instead of at Merry.

"Who knows, maybe we won't have more than five?"

"So what does that mean? Are you and I going to sleep together yet apart for as long as I can still have children? That is a long time."

"No, that's not what I'm saying" Merry said and chuckled. "I'm just saying that you never know."

"Well then how long is it going to be? I'm getting tired of this now, I feel as if you no longer desire me."

"Lucky still needs you Estella, you have to focus on him before you can have another one" Merry said.

"So it is a punishment? For what happened with Lucky?"

"Will you stop that?" Merry sighed. "What is this crazy talk about punishment? Nobody's handing out punishment and I would wish you could have higher thoughts of me than that. Care for the children you have before putting another one into the world. You have enough to do with five, why only focus on having a sixth?"

"I'm sorry" Estella said and sighed. "It's just that I feel like you no longer want me. It's been almost a year now."

"But I do want you."

"Prove it" Estella said, challenging him.

Merry looked into her eyes, determined not to give in to her. But then somehow he found himself in her arms, somehow a lot less dressed than he had been just moments ago. He had almost forgotten how nice it felt just to kiss and touch, and he found himself giving in to her more and more with each passing second. When it dawned on him exactly what they were doing he forced himself to get back to his own side of the bed, withdrawing from her almost as if he had been burned.

"I'm sorry" he gasped.

Estella stared at him with shock, confusion and hurt. His behaviour confused her more than she could say and she wondered what was really bothering him. But he offered her no explanation, he snuffed out the lights and mumbled again that he was sorry. With a sigh Estella closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep.

Estella woke up later that night to find Merry gone. She sat up and noticed that he was sitting in the window, looking out at the stars above, seeming to be as far away in his mind as the stars. He had lit a candle which was on his nightstand but he probably wouldn't have noticed if the room was pitch black. His thoughts were not in the room anyway. He was wrapped in his robe, wearing no more underneath it than he had when she'd gone to sleep.

"Merry" Estella said, bringing him back to the room. "Is something wrong?"

"What a joke of a husband I am" Merry said and sighed.

"What?"

"What happened tonight… That shouldn't have happened. I am sorry."

"What **did** happen tonight?" Estella asked and got out of bed, grabbing her own robe.

"I should not have done what I did, I should not have answered your challenge."

"But… but how is that wrong? Were we not about to do what husband and wife have done for all time?"

"Yes" Merry said with a smile and turned his eyes back to the stars, clearly visible since he had moved the curtains. "But I promised not to."

"Promised who?"

"I am sorry for what I said to you when Lucky was being born" Merry said, not answering her question.

"That's okay…"

"No it's not. I meant what I said but I had no right to say it. You deserve a better husband than that, better than someone who only puts greater worries on your shoulders when they are already heavily burdened. I should have offered you only support, but I did not."

"I think I deserved what you said to me" Estella said. "And if that is the reason why we haven't been together for almost a year now, then it is folly."

"No, that's not the reason. It's just one more reason why I am a bad excuse for a husband. And you deserve better."

"Better than you? I could never find it." She sat down on the stool by the window and leaned her head against his knees. "A queer Hobbit you are… Queer indeed. Sometimes I wonder if you're still a Hobbit at all. And I often wonder what you would have been like if you had never left the Shire. I wish I had known you before you did."

"I grew up while I was away" Merry said. "Hobbits are children Estella, all of us! We are as oblivious to the happenings around us as a little child is to the happenings in the village he lives in. My eyes are opened now. I have grown up."

"You must think we're all incredibly silly" Estella sighed.

"Yes, fools you are, every single one of you" Merry said with a little laugh. "All so innocent, so naïve, so **pure**. That is what we all fought to save, and as much as I sometimes agree with Gandalf that a few natural disasters or two might do you all good I am glad to see that Hobbits are the same now as they were before Sharkey. I'm sorry that your husband is so queer though."

"I've gotten used to it."

"It seems I only get queerer by the year."

"This past year more than ever. What has happened, won't you tell me? I never thought I would speak so openly with you about what you and I do behind closed doors, but now I feel that I must. I long for you, each night. Do you not long for me?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why haven't you come?"

"Because I promised I wouldn't get you pregnant again until Lucky was older. I do not wish to take any chances."

"Lucky is almost a year now."

"I know."

"Then what is keeping you? Who did you promise? Aren't I your wife, do you not wish for us to be as husband and wife?"

"You know I do… But you will be my wife no matter where we sleep with each other or next to each other."

"But it is what we do when we're alone that makes it special" Estella said. "What we do then I have never done with anyone but you, and you have only done it with me. It is something so special, something that we do out of love. I want to be as close to you as can be, in every way, I want to be your wife in every way."

"You are" Merry said.

"And you're my queer husband… You never feel more like my husband than when we're in bed together. I miss that and I want it back."

"I miss it too" Merry said and smiled gently at her. "But truth be told Estella I worry about your health."

"Why?"

"Your body may have taken harm from having a child before the time was right, we can't be sure. I worry what will happen if you get pregnant again."

"You're afraid something bad might happen?"

"I know it probably won't" Merry said. "But… I look at Lucky, and at Théo. Both of them born about a year after one of their siblings. I look at them and I wonder how come I couldn't let you rest for a little longer before I made you with child again. And I couldn't help but wonder, has my pleasure mattered more to me than your health? I at once realised that it couldn't possibly have, I was just being thoughtless, but it feels like I have to make sure. I have to know that I have the self-control to put your health first, because I love you and I cannot let anything be more important than that. I cannot lose you because I lusted for you."

"But now you know" Estella said. "Now you know that you can keep yourself from me. You've certainly proved it tonight, haven't you? Do you really wish for us to be just friends in our marriage? You have been keeping us from one of the finest things we have together, the very essence of what makes us husband and wife, the way we express our love. I cannot allow you to do that any longer, I can't go on denying my lust for you."

"We have many wonderful things even without it" Merry said with a gentle smile. "There is more to a marriage than just physical intimacy. Much more there is. But you're right… We shouldn't deny ourselves it anymore."

"We should be able to express our love for one another" Estella said. "And if it ends up in pregnancy then I will just be happy. I would not mind having as many little ones as Rosie does, but to be honest I never think of children while I'm with you at night."

"I don't know, Estella…" Merry said. "It's just so important to me to prove to myself that I can give up anything for your sake."

"Why give it up when I'm asking you not to?"

"It's getting very late" Merry said, avoiding to answer. "Why don't we go back to bed now, and finish this discussion at Brandy Hall? I'm too tired to do anything else than talk tonight anyway."

Estella nodded.

"I'm glad you finally talked to me. The next time you get something like this into your head, please tell me right from the start."

"I will…"

Estella rose and went back to bed. Merry took one last look out the window, wishing he could see the southeast, and then let the curtain fall.

They were woken up by a scream.

"What was that?" Estella asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"It sounded like Rosie" Merry said, already out of bed, reaching for his robe.

"Rosie?"

Estella sat up and yawned, and rubbed her eyes again. She lit the candles on their nightstands and handed Merry the robe he was looking for, which had somehow ended up in the bed. He pulled it on just as Sam entered, looking distressed and with a candle in his hand.

"Mister Merry!" he said.

"I know" Merry said without giving him a chance to say anything else. "I'm on my way."

He grabbed one of the candles and hurried down the hall. Estella waited until Sam had followed before she got out of bed and pulled a nightgown over her head and then her robe around her. She grabbed the other candle and followed.

Merry rushed into Sam and Rosie's bedroom and found Rosie by the crib, pale in her face as if she'd seen a ghost. He hurried up to her side and looked down at the baby, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

"I can't wake her!" Rose said, near hysteria.

Merry gently pushed her aside and reached for the baby. He was busy trying to determine whether or not the little one was breathing or her heart was beating when Estella came and pushed Sam out of the way. She led Rosie to the bed and sat down with her, pulling her into her arms as Rose began to cry hysterically.

"There now…" Estella whispered, not knowing what to say or even understanding what was going on. "Everything will be fine…"

"Mister Merry!" Sam said. "What is wrong with her?"

Merry didn't answer. He was still trying to find out whether or not the baby was breathing. He thought he'd felt a heartbeat but he wasn't sure, and he needed to be sure.

"What is going on?" Elanor's voice came from the door where she stood together with her brother Ham.

"Go back to bed!" Sam ordered without looking at her.

"But…"

"I said go back to bed!"

Elanor looked from her father to her mother and to Merry who was leaned over the crib. She had been awakened and frightened by the scream, as had her brothers and sisters, and she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. If only someone would tell her what was going on, she was seventeen years old and sure that she could handle whatever was wrong.

"Is this because what I said about wanting a dog?" Ham asked in a small voice, probably understanding what was going on better than his sister.

"Never heard of anything so silly!" Estella said, slightly annoyed. "You get back to bed, Hamfast Gamgee!"

"Back to bed Elanor" Sam commanded. "**Now**!"

With a sigh Elanor left with her brother, wondering exactly what was wrong. Sam wondered the same thing, he didn't know why his youngest daughter wouldn't wake up. He asked Merry again but he got no reply, and he wished he had some athelas lying around. That would surely help the baby, but there was no athelas to be found.

"Merry…" Estella said softly. "Talk to us, what is the matter?"

"She's dead, isn't she?" Rosie cried. "Oh Estella, if only I hadn't--"

"Shush now!" Estella said. "That had nothing to do with this, I don't want you to even think that it did!"

"But what if…"

Estella assured her again that it had nothing to do with it. She knew what Rosie was talking about, it wasn't hard to guess. She had not been happy to find out that she was pregnant again, and she had told Estella that she wished she would never have another child. Estella wasn't sure she'd meant it, but even if she had it had nothing to do with what was happening now. If only Merry would talk to them!

"Sam…" he said softly at last.

"Yes?"

"Sam, Ruby isn't breathing."

"But… but she **has** to be!"

"I am so sorry… but she's not. Her heart is not beating."

"She's dead?" Rosie asked through her tears.

"I'm afraid so."

"No" Rosie cried.

"She can't be dead!" Sam said and pushed Merry out of the way, lifting the baby from the crib. "She was healthy, she was just fine when we put her down in the crib! There was nothing wrong with her! She was not sick, nor hurt!"

"Come Sam" Merry said and took the baby from its father and put her back in the crib. "Come with me."

He grabbed Sam firmly by the arm and led him off to get him something with alcohol to drink. He had a feeling his friend could use it. He left Rosie in Estella's care and the baby with them. He didn't wish to stay around the dead child, it scared him, he had seen dead children before but never one he'd known very well. Never a good friend's child. Never a brother's child.

"What are you doing?" Sam angrily asked as he was dragged away. "You can't just stop, can't just leave her! She must be breathing, her heart has to beat, you have to check again!"

"It's no use" Merry said firmly. "Ruby was probably dead already when Rose's scream woke us all."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Her heart is not beating" Merry said, looking straight into Sam's eyes. "It is not. I am sure, absolutely sure. Trust me to make sure before I go and tell you that you've lost your child! You trust me, don't you?"

"She's dead?" Sam said, suddenly sounding so small. "She's really dead?"

"Yes. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

He gently pushed Sam down in a chair and found them both something to drink. Sam didn't seem to know what he was drinking, he just stared into thin air with a bewildered look on his face. Merry sunk down opposite him and wished he knew how to offer support. All he could think of was to sit there with his friend and gently hum a comforting melody, but that seemed to be enough. They sat in silence for a long time and then Sam looked at him.

"My little girl is dead?"

"Yes."

"So little… so young… Merely a few days old!"

"I am so sorry."

"Why am I sitting here? I should be with Rosie! Who's with Rosie?"

"Estella. But I think she'd rather be held by you."

"I want to see her!" Sam said and stood up.

Merry rose and followed him back to their bedroom where they found that Estella had managed to get Rose back into bed. They both looked up when their husbands entered and Sam hurried over to his wife.

"Oh Rosie…" he said.

Estella got up and stared at Merry, then she rushed up to him and hugged him tightly. Merry held her with one arm and closed the door with the other, giving Sam and Rose some privacy. Estella was weeping, and he wished he had more comfort to offer her. At the moment he was no comfort to anyone.

"Oh Merry" Estella sobbed. "Oh how awful… I must get back to Brandy Hall, I must see my little Lucky! What would I have done if it had been him? Poor Rose… I have to see him Merry, I have to know that he is okay!"

"Easy" Merry said. "Easy now. We cannot go back now, it's still night. And when the night is over it's going to be followed by the longest day in Rose's life, you cannot leave her now."

"I have to know that he's okay!"

"He is just fine" Merry said. "But now you've seen it. The worst thing any parent can experience."

"Why did it have to happen?"

"I don't know."

He broke the embrace and led her back to their room, which was still dark. He longed for the dawn, it seemed this night would never end. For a second his heart filled with fear that the days would once again come without a break of dawn, as during the end of the war. Estella seemed to have lost the ability to do anything but cry, now that she didn't have Rosie to be strong for, Merry had to take her robe off and get her into bed before he joined her and put his arms around her. He wished he could cry like she did, but he felt only empty inside. The night was dark, the dawn was not coming yet for a couple of hours.

Merry and Estella rode in silence, making no rush. One day had passed since Ruby Gamgee had died, they were on their way back to Brandy Hall to see their children. Estella had insisted upon it, she had to see that they were doing okay, but she didn't want to bring them to Bag End at the time, too much was going on there. Ruby would be buried in a few days, they would return to Bag End almost right away and this time with Pippin and Diamond. But they were both happy to get away for a day or two, Ruby's death had made them both think too much of Lucky and how close he had been to dying. Especially Estella felt a constant and strong desire to see her youngest child, she could not relax until she once again held him in her arms and knew he was alive.

"It almost makes me feel guilty" Estella said as they crossed the Brandywine Bridge.

"What does?"

"That our son, the one who was born prematurely and highly unlikely to survive, that he is alive while the healthy girl Rose gave birth to a few days ago is not."

"We don't know if she **was** healthy" Merry said. "She could have been ill only we didn't see it. And why feel guilty?"

"Because our son was practically seen as dead already when he was born. And he lived. Their daughter didn't."

"What happened with Lucky has nothing to do with what happened with Ruby. Instead of guilt you should be thrilled. He is alive and he is growing well."

"I'm freezing" Estella said and looked up at the sky. "The weather seems to be as sad as we are. When you came to Bag End the sun was shining bright, now the clouds fill the sky and the wind blows cold!"

Merry looked up at the sky. He hadn't realised that clouds had filled it, the sun had been shining when they'd left Bag End. There wasn't much wind, but it had to be quite windy up where the clouds were.

"I always find it harder to grieve in this kind of weather" he said. "The bright shining sun always warms me up when sadness chills me."

"I wonder if Sam and Rose are even aware that the weather's changed" Estella said. "If it were me, I don't think I would be."

"They will get through this" Merry said. "Sam can be strong for the both of them if needed. And Pip and I will support him, whatever he needs."

"What a blessed thing friendship is" Estella said. "Can it really help cure the pain though?"

"Yes" Merry said. "When the friendship is true. Pippin's written to Strider, Gimli and Legolas, they will surely send their condolences. I think it will help Sam a lot to know that his friends are thinking of him. We've learned years ago to draw our strength from that."

Merry felt a few drops of rain on his head, and then it was as if the sky had opened all of its sluices on them. The rain came pouring down as if out of nowhere, and he could hear Estella gasp as the weather took her by surprise.

"Where did all this come from?" she cried over the rain.

"I don't know!" Merry cried back. "But we can't stay in this weather, we'll give ourselves a cold!"

"We're going to be soaked through by the time we get home."

"Crickhollow's closer" Merry said. "At least the road is safer, the road to the Hall will be too slippery for us to ride fast!"

"Crickhollow? But Merry, I want to go to the Hall!"

"No" Merry decided. "Crickhollow it's going to have to be. We can't stay out in this weather, Estella! The best thing you can do for Lucky right now is to get yourself to a warm and dry place."

He drove Stybba to a gallop and headed for their old home. He was already soaking wet, the rain had caught them completely by surprise and he couldn't believe they hadn't seen the bad weather coming. By the time they reached Crickhollow the raining had increased, it seemed as if all the rain in the world intended on falling over the Shire this evening. Merry quickly dismounted and held Estella's pony for her while she did the same.

"I'm taking the ponies into the stables, it might take me a while to get them dry but it has to be taken care of!" he shouted to her over the roaring sound of the rain. "You go inside! Get a fire started!"

"Merry we're not going to get out of here before nightfall!" she cried back. "The rain is not going to stop! Why can't we continue to the Hall?"

"Because I won't have you come down with anything. We are just going to spend the night here, and you can continue on to Brandy Hall alone tomorrow. I'm going to have to go back to Sam, but you can hug and kiss the children from me."

"Are you sure you don't want to go on?"

"Yes. You will be too cold by the time we get there. Now go inside before you're a living icicle! Hurry! Start a fire!"

She nodded and gave him a kiss before she hurried off inside. She was shivering like mad, her whole body was cooled by the rain and she longed for that fire Merry had told her to get started. She called out Fatty's name, but then realised he wasn't there. He was at Brandy Hall, he hadn't lived at Crickhollow this winter. She wished he had, then he would be there now to help her get the fire going and to find them something warm to drink. She made up her mind to fix the fire first and then make tea to warm her up, and to warm Merry when he came inside.

Merry found her by the fire when he came back, sitting with her legs crossed and shivering in her wet clothes. He was a little warmer than she was, the heat from the two ponies had warmed him up as well as the physical labour of rubbing them dry. But Estella was wet and cold, and she needed to be dried up before she could warm up.

"Estella take those wet clothes of" he said and took his own wet jacket off. "We can hang the clothes by the fire, they'll dry faster."

"But what are we going to wear?" Estella said through hacking teeth.

"Go see if there are any towels we can dry ourselves with" Merry said. "Wear? We'll wear what we're wearing now, as soon as it's dried."

"And until then?"

"Don't be shy" Merry laughed. "Now go see if you can find any of those towels! And get those wet clothes off as soon as you can!"

She nodded and left to find something to dry them up with. Merry took his wet clothes off and hung them up to dry, then he stretched out on the white fur rug in front of the fire. Pretty soon he realised that he wouldn't need any towels, his skin dried quickly. His hair was a different matter, but he could live with wet hair.

Estella returned after a while, wrapped in a blanket and holding her wet clothes in one hand. Her long hair was dripping wet and it was getting her blanket more wet by the second. She told him that she hadn't been able to find any towels, they must have left none behind last time they moved out. Merry nodded.

"Fine then… I don't think we need any, in any case. I'm almost completely dry already."

Estella nodded and blushed, trying her best to keep her blanket wrapped around her while she hung her wet clothes up. Merry chuckled at her shyness and reached for the blanket which he tugged playfully.

"You won't get any dryer while wrapped in that thing" he said. "It's nearly as wet as you are! Come now, don't tell me that you're shy!"

With that he closed his eyes and sighed contently. He had always loved sitting by the fireside, and the rug was very comfortable. He could hear the blanket drop to the floor and noticed that Estella laid down with her head next to his but with her body in line with the fire, unlike him who had his head by the fire and his feet further away. He opened his eyes.

"Are you still freezing?"

"Yes."

"You'll warm up soon. I'm almost completely warmed up already. Can you believe this rain, where did it all come from?"

"I don't know, but I wished it would have stayed there" Estella complained. "I've longed so much to see my children, now I'll have to wait until tomorrow!"

"The children will be fine" Merry said. "Do you suppose they were out playing when the rain began? I should think they're wrapped in warm blankets by the fireside now, listening to stories and drinking hot cider…"

"Hot cider!" Estella exclaimed. "I was going to make tea! I completely forgot!"

"I can go make some tea for you" Merry offered. "Would you like that?"

"I was going to make it mainly for you" she answered with a smile. "And you look like you're comfortably stretched out now, I wouldn't want you to get up."

"Okay then… If you're sure!"

"I'm sure."

"Estella… Do you realise that we have never been alone like this before? Just you and me, nobody else in the entire hole?"

"You're right" Estella said. "But I'm glad we are alone."

"So am I" Merry said.

He was almost completely warmed up now. It was remarkable how fast he'd warmed and dried up once he'd gotten out of his wet clothes. He hoped Estella would dry as fast as he had, he was worried that she might come down with something. The last thing he wanted to do was to bring any illness to Bag End, they had enough to worry about.

He reached out his hand and placed it over hers. He could feel her fingers gently caressing the back of his hand. Yes indeed he was glad to be with her again, it felt like they had been parted for far too long when she had been at Bag End. He wondered what it would be like to leave her for months to go to Rohan. If he missed her after only a week how much would he not miss her after a few months? He hadn't been to Rohan for so long, the last time he had come back to the Shire he had met her and fallen in love with her. So much had happened since then, they had been married for thirteen years and he was now so used to her that he couldn't remember what it was like to be a bachelor. It was funny how things went.

She sat up next to him and he looked up at her. Would he even be able to leave her and the children for maybe even up to a year? He longed for the southeast more with each passing day, but would he be able to travel there again? It was no good thinking about that now. He wasn't going to go to the southeast this year, he knew that much, so there was no point in thinking about what it would be like to be parted from his family. He would cross that bridge when he got there, right now he was with his wife, alone with her in their old home. Right now he was going nowhere, at the moment he didn't even feel like he longed for the southeast, not while Estella was there with him, all alone with him.

The summer of 1438 offered lots of rain, both outdoors and in the hearts of the Hobbits who had lost a little lass. Even though they were Hobbits, and easy to bouncing back to happiness, the death of a young child saddened their hearts. Pippin made it his prime mission that summer to make Sam laugh, and even though he often succeeded he knew it would take his friend a while to get back to his old self again. Sam was sent gifts of condolence from Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli which helped warm his heart again but Merry and Pippin knew that there was one friend who couldn't send any word to him, the one friend Sam probably needed to hear from the most.

The rain that fell during most of the summer ceased to fall on September 22nd and would keep away for two more weeks. Sam, Merry and Pippin saw it as a good sign that the rain had stopped on the day of their annual celebration, this year, as most years, held at Bag End. They made up their minds to have the party outside and the sky was clear from all clouds when they sat down to have birthday dinner for two people who weren't there in person. Pippin and Merry came with their families as they had many times this summer and threw a party where it was decided that they should set aside all of their sorrows and just be happy.

Halfway through dinner Pippin decided that he needed to make a speech, and embarked on a long speech about friendship which in the end seemed to bore everybody but Sam and Merry. Diamond looked at Estella and shook her head. She didn't believe in friendship the way she once had, she felt betrayed by Estella and still jealous of Pippin's closeness with Merry. Sometimes she found she wished Merry would just go away for a while and give her a chance to have Pippin to herself, but she knew that if Merry went Pippin would either go too or sit around and mope until it drove her crazy. So she put up with his dependence on his cousin, but deep down she wished that he could stand on his own two feet without Merry.

When Pippin was finished with his speech Merry shared a look with Estella and then rose from his seat. He bowed and grinned at the people around the table.

"September 22nd, I always look forward to that day of the year, when I get to see the Hobbits dearest to my heart all gathered around the same table."

"You've seen that nearly once a week this summer" Pippin pointed out.

"Yes indeed I have, and for that I am thankful" Merry said.

"Oh goodness" Diamond sighed. "How long will **you** be talking about friendship, Merry? Is Sam up after you?"

"Dimesy" Pippin said and elbowed her side.

"Actually I didn't mean to talk about friendship" Merry said. "I had something entirely different on my mind… Something which seems fitting to announce while everybody's gathered. We usually don't seem to announce this type of thing, but I don't see why that is."

"Merry what are you talking about?" Pippin asked. "Have you been drinking too much of the Gaffer's old ale?"

Merry looked at Estella and smiled.

"I am talking about something that **should** be announced, not just brought up in conversation. You see, there is going to be a sixth child at Brandy Hall this winter."

"Congratulations!" Pippin cried and raised his half-pint.

Estella blushed and kept looking at Merry as he bowed again and sat down next to her while the other adults congratulated them. She hadn't known he would make an announcement until moments before he'd stood up, but she was glad that he had. This child had a special meaning to her, to them both, and it seemed fitting to announce the pregnancy this way.

After dinner was eaten Estella and Diamond helped Rose take the empty trays inside. Estella still sported blushing cheeks and Diamond jokingly pinched one of them to see if they could get any redder.

"Rose…" Estella said when her eyes met with her friend's. "I… I hope that… I hope that this doesn't make you uncomfortable. After Ruby…"

"No" Rose said. "It's all right. If I know Sam I'll be in the same condition soon enough as well, don't feel bad. I admit that it's hard to see an infant now, but I have to get used to it again."

"I didn't know Merry was going to make an announcement" Estella said and sat down by the table. "We hadn't talked about it earlier."

"Well it was a bit new to us all. But he's right, why don't we announce our upcoming additions to the family?"

"I guess he just felt that it was a bit special…" She blushed even more and looked down on her hands. "You see, this baby feels special to us in many ways."

With a smile she thought of the magical night they had spent together on the white rug in front of the fire at Crickhollow after being surprised by the rain. Both she and Merry knew that it had happened during that night, it was the only night they had spent together before she found out she was pregnant again three months ago.

"Are you going to elaborate that?" Rose asked, noticing that Estella's mind had drifted off to other places. "Do tell."

"For me it has a special meaning beyond what it has for Merry and me both" she said. "See, we… We went through some tough times last year, after what happened when I was expecting Lucky. And it took us until May to finally get back on our feet again, and the result is this pregnancy. It feels like a blessing, a sign of some sort. It feels like a confirmation that everything is going to be just fine with him and me."

"I'm happy for you" Diamond said. "Now how about we get the ice-cream outside? The children are waiting, and probably the fathers as well."

"You go ahead, Diamond" Rose said and handed Diamond the ice-cream.

"I hope they'll have the decency to leave some for us" Diamond muttered and went outside with the dessert.

"I'm glad, Estella" Rose said when Diamond had left. "I'm glad that you and Merry are doing fine. I wasn't aware that something wasn't right, I just hope… I just hope that it doesn't have anything to do with what I talked to you about shortly before Primrose was born."

"No, don't worry" Estella said. "Merry and I have put that behind us."

"Did you ever speak to him about it?"

"No… But I spoke to Pippin. And after we'd talked, I knew that I wanted no one other than my husband. Actually… I would like to thank you Rose. If you hadn't forced me to confront what went on all those years ago I might never have gotten the closure I think I needed."

"You're welcome" Rose said and smiled. "Now, mother Brandybuck, let's grab the remaining ice-cream and make sure we can get some of it before those seemingly famished Hobbits out there have eaten it all!"

Estella smiled and grabbed the ice-cream handed to her. She followed Rose outside and was relieved that they had shared a few words just now. Her friendship with Diamond seemed to have taken a hard blow that it might not recover from, but her friendship with Rose seemed to have healed.

A snowy winter followed the rainy summer, snow fell over the Shire for the first time in eight years and Merry and Pippin's children were amazed. Estella told Théodoc that their last winter of snow had been in 1430, and that the first snow had fallen on the night of his birth, making Théo feel very important. The children spent a lot of time outside, playing in the snow. They made snowmen, dug snow smials and rolled around in the whiteness that covered the ground.

Merry and Pippin took a day off from their duties and played with the children in the snow, proceeding to build a snow Ent. The children soon grew tired of what to them only looked like an ugly snow tree, and in the end Pippin and Merry had to give up since it was impossible for them to get a result which looked anything at all like an Ent. They played outside in the snow until Diamond came out from Brandy Hall and firmly told them that they had been outdoors for nearly twelve hours and would surely come down with the flu the whole lot of them.

Pippin and Merry herded the children off inside and then rode bareback to the nearest inn to warm up by the fire and have a nice pint of ale at the same time. At the inn they ran into Fatty Bolger who joined them by the fire.

"What a winter!" Pippin exclaimed and shook his head so that melting snow flew from his curls in every direction.

"Careful, you're getting that into my ale" Merry said with a laugh.

"What a winter indeed" Fatty said and eyed his friends. "It's been a while since I've seen you two, you've kept busy."

"There seems to be something with snow that makes people have lots of problems" Pippin said. "Either its that the neighbours are chopping firewood from their spruce tree or it's that they think they should get to sell things for a more expensive cost yet buy things cheaper from others. It keeps us busy, all right!"

"But don't blame it all on us" Merry said. "You haven't visited Brandy Hall a lot this winter, Fredegar Bolger!"

"Well, since my father passed away this summer I've had to take on the responsibility for my mother and my home" Fatty said.

"Well you're sure old enough to do it" Pippin remarked. "The rest of us took on those burdens and then some at a much earlier age."

"Tell me Merry," Fatty said, ignoring Pippin's comment, "how is Estella?"

"Better than ever" Merry said. "Resting, for once in her life, and I think she might even be enjoying it. She's got everybody fussing about her so much that she barely has to lift a finger herself. I think she'll be sad to see that change when the baby arrives."

"I will have to come then, to see my little nephew. Or niece, in case it would be a lass. My sister's sixth child…"

"Well I kept my promise" Merry said. "Lucky's going to be twenty months when this one arrives, if everything goes as planned. And please Fatty, come and visit us sooner than that! Estella's not having the baby for another three months."

"And come to the Smials!" Pippin said. "You little traitor, how come you always visit Merry but never me?"

"Because his sister is where I am?" Merry suggested.

"Tactical marriage on your part."

"My dear Pippin," Fatty said, "coming all the way to the Smials just to see you is a waste of time. I know very well that if I find Merry I find you as well."

"Right. Now I'm almost finished with my ale and we haven't sung a single song yet! Meriadoc, I am counting on your assistance!"

With that Pippin leapt up on a table, startling the people sitting by it, and began to sing his favourite drinking song. Merry joined him on the table and sang with him, cheered on by Fatty Bolger.

__

Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go

To heal my heart and drown my woe.

Rain may fall and wind may blow,

And many miles be still to go,

But under a tall tree I will lie,

And let the clouds go sailing by

"A drink to Treebeard's health!" cried Pippin at the end of the song and raised his mug in the air.

"Here, here!" Merry said and finished the last of his ale while lots of people around them drank to Treebeard's health without having a clue who Treebeard was.

Pippin grinned and called for another round of ales for himself, Merry and Fatty. Together the three drank and cheered, while Pippin and Merry together went through all of their favourite songs, many of which confused the people at the inn. Their songs were not always of Hobbit kind, many had they learned from men and elves and wizards and dwarves, and those were the ones which Merry sang with the most emphasise.

Together they rode back to Brandy Hall later that evening, singing the Drinking Song once again as they passed over the snowy landscapes. They had a rough year behind them, not only Sam's youngest daughter but also Merry's father-in-law had passed on, and Merry had a strong feeling that his mother wouldn't live for much longer either. The crops had gone bad because of all the rain and people worried that the flu would come back this year. But they looked at the upcoming year with much joy and anticipation, after a year like this things could only get better. Merry would have a child born in the beginning of the year and they saw that as a good sign. 1439 was sure to be a much better year than 1438 had been.

I would love a review… =) But be gentle! The next part will be up before Christmas with any luck, it depends on my schedule.


	11. 1439

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Author's Note: Sorry all Pippin fans, he's not in this chapter much either. I guess this chapter in a way marks the end of a trilogy for Merry and Estella, beginning with Lucky's birth and continuing with Merry's doubts in the last chapter. The way I wrote this story is new to me, but as you probably know by now I like to try new things and see if I can get away with it. This story is centered around something I've never experienced myself, which made it difficult to write, but if that shows then I hope you can look past it.

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Disclaimer: All characters except for Merry's children belong to JRR Tolkien. The tale of Lúthien and Beren is more or less copied straight off from "the Fellowship of the Ring" (chapter "A Knife in the Dark", page 189 in my edition).

"Merry!"

Merry slowly and reluctantly opened his eyes and felt Estella shaking him gently. He groaned and felt how reluctant his body was to wake up.

"Merry!"

"What is it?" he mumbled and wondered what time it was. It felt as if he'd just gone to sleep, it couldn't possibly be morning so soon. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure" Estella said. "It's almost midnight, I think."

"What is wrong?" Merry mumbled.

"We're having a baby."

"I know that" Merry said and closed his eyes to go back to sleep. "You've been expecting for months."

"No… We're having a baby **tonight**."

"What?" Merry exclaimed and turned to look at her.

Estella smiled nervously at him. She was sitting up in bed with one hand on his shoulder and the other on her very pregnant belly.

"Tonight?" he echoed.

"Yes. It started about half an hour ago, I didn't want to wake you right away in case I was wrong. But I'm sure now."

"It will be nine months almost to the date" Merry mumbled to himself and sat up as well, lighting a candle. "Sit back and relax, Estella. I will go wake Rose."

"No. I don't want Rose."

"Of course you do" Merry said. "I'll go wake her and then I'll find you a room to be in. Relax and take deep breaths, I'll be right back."

"I have had children before" Estella reminded him with a smile. "I know to relax and to breathe, don't worry." She grabbed his arm as he rose from the bed. "But Merry… I don't want you to get Rose!"

"Why?" Merry asked with a frown and sat back down.

"I don't want you to get anyone."

"Don't be absurd! You'll need someone!"

"Yes I know."

"Right. I'll go fetch Rose."

"I want you!"

"Me?"

"Yes… You know how to deliver a child. I want you to do it."

"I can't" Merry said and looked spooked.

"Sure you can."

"No" Merry said and shook his head emphatically. "Yes I know how to deliver babies, but it is different when it's your own wife!"

"How so?"

"I cannot be of any help to you, not when I am the one who's fathered the child."

"You would be of less help if it was someone else who had fathered the child I'm having" Estella teased.

"Don't tease" Merry said with a frown. "You don't understand, it's… It just won't work. I can't. It scares me enough when it's another woman, truth be told it's quite a gruesome experience even though it's amazing at the same time, and I don't think I would be able to stand being here when you give birth."

"Now you're being absurd" Estella said. "Listen to me, I want you to be here. I--"

"And not only that," Merry continued, cutting her off, "it would be very inappropriate! A lass' husband should not be present!"

"I don't see why that is" Estella said. "It is your child too. You do not know what it's like to hear your child take its very first breath and cry for the first time! You should get to experience that, I know you would cherish such an experience!"

"It is inappropriate."

"It shouldn't be. Who did even decide that it was? The more I think about it the less sense it makes."

"Not to me. I don't belong in the room with you when the child is born."

"Yes you do." Estella said firmly. "Isn't it odd to you too? When you get married you take a vow to love and support your spouse through good times and bad, sickness and health… There is no time when a lass needs support more than when she has a child. And it is considered inappropriate for her husband to be there for her at that time. Doesn't that seem odd to you? To me it does, I see no logic in it."

"I don't think a lot of lads would handle themselves very well if they were present during their wife's delivery" Merry said. "We don't like to see our beloved in pain, especially not when we are the cause of it."

"But the lass has to go through the birth" Estella pointed out. "Why shouldn't the lad be there too? No matter how uncomfortable he is it is a lot harder on her. But if she knew that he was there for her it would be easier. I would very much like your support, I want you to be here."

She paused when a contraction came and smiled nervously at her husband. Merry looked at her with eyes that were clearly pondering how to get her to stop talking crazy and realize that she needed a midwife.

"I don't want to fight you about this" she said as the contraction began to go away. "I want you here, I need you here. Please do this for me."

"Estella think about this for a moment!" Merry begged and grabbed her hand. "Why do you want a nervous, guilt-stricken husband here when you could have Rose, or some other lass, who's gone through the same thing and can help and comfort you?"

"Because nobody could support me like you can. I know you, I know you won't lose your cool, and I know that you can do this if you only set your mind to it."

"I need a better reason than that" Merry said. "I would be putting you and the baby in danger by trying to deliver it myself, I'm too emotionally involved! Not to mention that people would be able to hear what's going on soon enough anyway so we might as well move you now. I am going to go get Rose, I will not have you risk yourself or the child over a whim! We came close to losing Lucky, let's not do anything to endanger this child."

"It is not a whim" Estella said firmly. "It is something I have thought about for the past couple of days. I don't want to have lots of people here, I would much rather be alone with you tonight! Alone, you and I, just the two of us until our baby makes the third. Just like you and I were all alone at Crickhollow when we made this child."

"It is not the same."

"No. But that night is the reason we are here like this on this night. You and I were all alone that night, it seems only right that we shall be all alone this night too. I trust you completely to be able to see me through this, you have seen more births than I have!"

"Would it not be easier for you to have Rose here?" Merry asked.

"Not as easy for me as it would be if you were here. You make me feel safe, and I want to be able to lean on you when I go through this. Merry please!"

"What if I get Rose and still stay with you? You'll have me here and you'll be in Rose's very competent hands."

"You know Rose will never go for that arrangement. Breathe one word about you being here and she'll throw a fit. Please don't get her, please stay with me…"

With a sigh Merry gave in.

"If I see that it won't work I will go get Rose, and nothing you can say will stop me then" he said. "At least for a while I will stay. But I need to go now and find a room."

"We are already in a room" Estella pointed out. "I had Aramac in our bed at Crickhollow, I can have this child in this bed."

"As you wish" Merry said. He wasn't very pleased with that arrangement, but it was not the thing that bothered him most, and he didn't want to argue with her. "Let's get you comfortable here, then. And I will go get something else for you to lie on…"

Quickly but carefully he arranged the pillows and covers so that she could lie as comfortably as possible and then looked shocked when she rose from the bed.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I feel better if I can walk around" she said. "Rose never let me, with Cordy there was hardly any time and when I had Lucky I was afraid to even move! I want to get to stand up and walk about this time."

"No you won't" Merry said and led her back to the bed. "This time **I** say no! And I can be just as firm as Rose, now you've promised me to listen to me when I tell you what to do! At least listen! And I say lie down again."

"But Merry…" Estella began to protest, but one look at him told her that he'd had enough unconventional ideas from her for one night. Obediently she got back into bed but soon found herself twisting and turning, unable to lie still.

"One would think you were lying on an ant hill…" Merry said. "You're even worse than Pippin! How bad is the pain?"

"Not so bad yet…" Estella said. "But… You can never really imagine how bad it gets. To tell you the truth I'm always a bit scared!"

"I could get you something…" Merry said and started going through his herbs in his mind. "Something to help you out a bit."

"Save it for later" Estella suggested. "I will need it more then." She sighed deeply. "Hopefully it won't take very long. I would have thought it would take less time with each child I had but Lucky took far longer than Cordy."

"I think most children do" Merry chuckled. "Comradoc was in a hurry. Always is. That child never walks he always runs, imagine what it's going to be like when he's older and gets up on a pony! He'll probably not even bother learning how to let the pony walk, he'll start with gallop and never try anything else."

"That sounds like Cordy, all right. He's so different from Théo it's hard to believe they're even family" Estella said. "Théo never seems to move unless he has to. Fatty was the same way when we were kids."

"Fatty still is like that" Merry laughed. "Who would have thought that someone as lazy as him would have a sister as active as you?"

"I wonder what this child will be like…" Estella said. "I always wonder when I'm having a child, and the first few weeks afterward. I wonder what he or she will be like and what life as in store for him or her."

"It seems to be mostly him" Merry said. "We haven't had an abundance of daughters. But I'm happy with the one we've got."

"She's growing up fast" Estella said. "This autumn will be ten years since her birth. And I know you're proud that she follows you around wherever you go, she always has. She seems more comfortable around you than me."

"That will change as she grows older" Merry said and smiled warmly. "But you are right, I am proud. My little Éowyn is perfect! My little helper, always there to give me a helping hand or to simply keep me company. Truth be told she's helped numb a lot of the emptiness I've felt since Pippin and I moved apart. Yes, she sure is perfect…"

He couldn't help but smile proudly whenever he thought of his daughter. She was the apple of his eye, the two shared a special bond that he didn't have with any of his sons. It was as if him and Éowyn understood each other on a deeper level and he couldn't help but feel that out of all his children she was the one who was the most like him.

Trying his best to hide a yawn Merry opened the bedroom door and found Estella trying to quickly dry tears that were on her cheeks. He closed the door and hurried over to her, putting the mug in his hand down on her nightstand.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Nothing" she assured him. "I'm just being silly, that's all. I had two contractions while you were gone and I felt scared and alone." She smiled meekly. "I've never been alone at all during a birth before. I guess I just wasn't used to it…"

"I'm sorry" he said and sighed. "I didn't mean to be so long. Are you really sure you don't want me to get Rose?"

"Don't be silly!" Estella responded and quickly dried her tears. "I was just a bit overly dramatic, I'm fine now!"

"I hope so…" Merry said, not sounding the least bit convinced. "I won't leave you alone again unless I have to get someone. I promise. Here, I brought you something…" He handed her the mug. "Drink it. It's tea I made for you, I put some herbs in it to help speed things along a little and to help calm you."

"Thank you" Estella said and smiled. "I was thirsty."

She took the mug and took a few sips. Merry got up in the bed next to her and leaned against the headboard. He couldn't understand how he could be so tired, the circumstances should have him wide awake yet he was fighting to keep his eyes open. He'd only gotten about two hours of sleep and had a long night ahead of him, but then again Estella had slept less than he had and had a harder time in front of her yet she seemed wide awake.

"Estella…" he mumbled. "If I fall asleep, will you wake me?"

"Fall asleep?" she said and raised an eyebrow. "How could you fall asleep?"

"I'm sorry" he mumbled. "I'm just… really tired."

She grabbed his arm and squeezed it tight as she felt the pain return. Merry was suddenly wide awake, shocked by how hard she was squeezing his arm. When she let go he stared at her in shock and rubbed his aching arm.

"Really, you didn't have to bruise me!"

"You wanted me to wake you up" she dryly replied.

"I was thinking of a less painful awakening…" he mumbled and rubbed his aching arm. "I'll sport a nice bruise tomorrow morning."

She gave him an annoyed look but didn't reply. He sat up straight and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. When he was younger he had gotten used to waking for long hours into the night, when he traveled with the Fellowship they had three guard shifts a night, meaning each person got to sleep two nights and then wake for a few hours during the third. For months afterward he had found himself unable to go to sleep every third night. But so many years had passed now, those old routines were long forgotten and he didn't wish to rekindle them. It was easy to wake when you were young, when you were getting on in years it was harder.

A smile formed on his lips as he thought back on all those nights with the Fellowship. No matter how hard the day had been or how tired they were, there had always seemed to be room for a story before they went to sleep. He had not understood all stories, he could only remember half of them now, but it had all been very interesting. Legolas had told them stories about Mirkwood and about his father Thrandúil that had almost seemed to hypnotize Sam, Boromir had told them old legends told in Gondor and Gimli had entertained them with old dwarf tales. Even Aragorn had from time to time told a story, and those had been Merry's favorite ones. It seemed like such a long time ago that they had all sat together, eating and sharing stories, resting from a long day's journey. Even though he had been petrified, tired, hungry, sleepy and every last inch of his body had ached from time to time, Merry could not help but think of it as the happiest time of his life. Looking back, he only seemed to remember the happy times, and none of the pain or weariness.

"Tell me what you're thinking of" Estella asked carefully, noticing the distant look on his face.

"Old times…" he said. "The good old times… How can so many years have passed, Estella? I haven't seen Gimli in over ten years! Nor Legolas for that matter! Or Éowyn…"

"You go on and on about Éowyn so often that you might make your wife jealous" Estella commented. "What is so special about her that makes you talk more of her than of those you call your brothers?"

"She is like me" Merry said. "If Pippin is the half that's missing in me then she is the duplicate of the half I've got. It's hard to explain. We connect. It's… as if I was her friend before we even met. Though I didn't know it at first…" He shook his head. "I can't explain it. I wish you could meet her. Then perhaps you would know."

"I don't think I'd want to meet her" Estella said.

"You'd love her."

"I met that Strider, and that's enough for me. You have far too many queer friends, if I could spend the rest of my life among only Hobbits I would be more than happy."

"I wouldn't" Merry mumbled so low that she couldn't hear. His heart ached worse with each passing month for the friends of old. He was beginning to doubt he would ever see them again.

"Beren, son of Barahir, was a mortal man, who met and fell in love with Lúthien Tinúviel" Merry said. "But Lúthien was no mortal woman, she was the daughter of Thingol, an Elven king who lived in Middle-Earth while the world was still young."

He grabbed his pipe and sucked on it for a moment, seeming lost in thought. It had been so many years since he had heard the story of Beren and Lúthien, Sam often sang the song of their first meeting but never continued to tell the rest of the story. But even though it had been such a long time Merry seemed to remember almost all of it.

"You know the song… Sam sings it often. Of how Beren and Lúthien met. Lúthien was the fairest maiden who has ever walked this earth, and Beren fell in love with her at once. As the stars above the mists in the Northern lands was her loveliness and in her face was a shining light. It is hard enough to describe how fair an Elf is to he who has never seen one, to describe or even imagine the one who was the fairest among the Elves is far beyond my imagination or ability to describe."

He paused again and eyed his wife for a second. He did not know how to continue telling the story, it was a story set in a whole other time that she knew nothing about. She had barely heard of Sauron, and the story of the Silmarils had only been told once in her presence, a long time ago. Perhaps he was starting in the wrong end.

"Do you remember when I told you of the Silmarils?" he asked her after a long pause. "And do you remember the rumors that once grew of a shadow in the East, a dark lord by the name of Sauron? Years ago, before my journey!"

"Need we talk of such things?" Estella asked.

"In the days of Beren Sauron was merely a servant to the Enemy" Merry said. "He dwelt somewhere in the north, I have forgotten where. He had stolen the Silmarils, and the Elves coming back from the West made war upon him to regain what had been stolen from them. They were aided by men like Beren… men who were forefathers to the men I know today. Great men. But the Elves did not win their war, and Barahir was slain. Beren escaped through great peril which I have heard of but since long forgotten. During his escape came to the hidden Kingdom of Thingol in the forest of Neldoreth. It was at this time he saw Lúthien dancing, she was dancing and singing in a glade beside an enchanted river of which I have forgotten the name the minute I heard it. He must have felt like he walked into a dream. It was he who gave her the name Tinúviel, which in the language of old meant nightingale. Tinúviel felt the same for Beren as he did for her, but their joy was not something they could take for granted."

He paused again. He sucked on his pipe in silence for a few minutes, in no particular hurry to continue with his story. The night was going to be long and there would be hours ahead of them where he could tell her stories. He had picked the story of Beren and Lúthien when she had asked him to tell her one since he knew it was a long story. He knew longer ones, but somehow this story seemed more fitting than ones of war and death. He never wanted to tell her such stories, he only wanted to tell her stories of love and happiness. Unfortunately he didn't know too many of those.

"They were parted for a long time" he continued. "Beren was prisoned by Sauron, Tinúviel saved him from the dungeons. Together they passed through great dangers of which I know very little, and succeeded where the Elven armies had failed. They cast the Great Enemy from his thrown and reclaimed one of the three Silmarils from his iron crown. The jewel was to be given to Thingol, as the bride-price for Lúthien who aimed to marry Beren. But alas, Beren was slain by the Wolf that came from the Enemy's lands, and his life ended in the arms of his Tinúviel."

He took another pause and his mind wandered a bit. He remembered very clearly this part of the story, possibly because it held many similarities to his own friend's life. He wondered what it was like to live forever, and have lived forever, and then give life up for someone you loved. Was it any different than the same action would be for someone like him, who was not immortal? He would never know the answer to that question but he had often wondered about it.

"When Lúthien lost Beren…" he said. "I think it was then that she started to feel like immortality was a curse. I have heard it said that mortality is a gift, though I have yet to see in what way. But Lúthien wished for this gift. She forsook her immortality, she chose to leave this world and to die, so that she could be reunited with Beren. It is said that they met again, beyond the Sundering Seas, and that they walked together again for a brief time in life, before they both passed. Lúthien Tinúviel, the one whom the Elves loved the most, is the one Elf who has died and left the world, died a mortal woman's death. The fair race has lost the one they cherished the most. Till this day she is the only Elf who has died from the world, or at least so I think, for I have heard talk of another Elf who forsook her immortality. Whether or not Lúthien is the only Elf who has died a mortal death, a lady who still walks on Middle-Earth has made the same sacrifice in our time. Arwen Undómiel, Queen of Gondor, was born an Elf but forsook her immortality for the one she loved."

"Arwen…" Estella said. "I know that name!"

"She is Aragorn's wife" Merry said with a smile. "And they say that in her face you can hint the beauty of Tinúviel. She is indeed fairer than one would have thought a lass could be. Arwen is a descendant of Lúthien, and so is her father, Elrond half-Elf."

"Those stories of yours…" Estella said. "They are so amazing that one wouldn't think they were real."

"Real they are" Merry said. "That I know, even though it can't be truly proven I suppose. Some stories you just know are true, you need no proof."

"Tell me one that I can know for sure is true" Estella said. "Tell me one of your own stories. I know you have many, though you never speak of them."

"None of my stories are very fitting" Merry said and put his pipe down on the nightstand. "Nor are they ones you should speak of during the night."

"All of your stories cannot be that terrible" Estella said. "There must be at least one story which has some hope and joy in it. You have so often spoken of your journey in loving terms, how can that be if all your stories are horrible?"

"All the stories are really just one" Merry said. "They all belong together, they're all tangled. And through them all runs the same fear, the same evil…" He shuddered. "No, I do not wish to speak of it, I'm sorry."

"Is there not one single story from a whole year of events that has a happy ending? How can that be?"

"In the end the story did end well… But frankly my dear, the stories I have from my journey are not the kind that should be told when a child is being born. What made that journey so cherished to me is the people I got to know and the feeling of victory when bad things turned good."

"Tell me **something**!" Estella urged. "Something to take my mind off it… Tell me more about Éowyn, you love to talk about her!"

"I think I've told you everything there is to say about her already" Merry said with a smile. "Everything and then some."

"No you haven't" Estella said. "All your stories begin long before you met her, or after the War was over."

"For a reason" Merry pointed out.

"Tell me about when you first met her!"

"When I first met Éowyn? I was travelling with Théoden king and his army… Strider was there too, and Legolas and Gimli. Pippin was gone."

"Where was he?"

"Gone…" Merry said, not wanting to go further into that part of the story. "And I was lonely without him. I was very lonely when I first met Éowyn, and truth be told I didn't connect with her from the first minute. I don't even remember much of my first meeting with her, what I remember most is the first time I saw her for who she really was… It was as if a veil was before my eyes when we first met, my despair of being parted from Pippin made me unable to see anything else. Even Éowyn. I don't think we ever spoke before…"

He trailed off and in his memory relived the moment on the battlefield when Dernhelm revealed his true identity. Whenever he thought of that moment it was as vivid as if it was happening right then and there, he could feel the stench in the air, sense the fear, hear the cries from the wounded and dying. He barely heard the muffled cries coming from Estella, in his head they blended in with the other cries of pain and fear at the Pelennor Fields. In his mind he saw the whole battle play out before him, how Éowyn had challenged the Witch King and how he had snuck closer and aided her in the battle. The horrible cry from the ringwraith filled his ears and with a shriek he returned to the present, almost as if waking from a nightmare.

"Merry?" Estella's voice said. "What's wrong?"

"Such things just shouldn't be talked about during the night" Merry mumbled and grabbed his pipe, sucking on it for comfort like a baby sucks on a pacifier. Estella looked at him and wondered what he was thinking about.

"Sometimes I think it would be better if you could just talk about it" she said. "Share your fears with me!"

"Don't you understand?" Merry asked. "If you knew even half of it you would not close your eyes in peace for months! And yet you would only have **heard** of it, not experienced it! And I'll be damned if you should be scarred from those things as well, what was the use of us going through all of that if you are not spared from it?"

"I just don't see what could be so bad as all that…" Estella said.

"Of course you don't" Merry said. "That's what's fortunate. That's how I want it to stay. You should never know those things. Anyone who cannot imagine that horror is lucky, and I wish for you to be so lucky."

"This horror, you connect it with your first meeting with Éowyn?"

"No!" Merry said, looking surprised. "No, of course not. But… it's a long story. The first time I saw her I had no clue what kind of person she was, or how alike she and I were. I remember that all I thought was that she had the longest and most beautiful hair I had ever seen. Humans, you see, don't have curly hair like we do. Hers was straight, blonde and hanging down her back… I had never seen hair like that before."

"I've never seen hair like **yours** before" Estella commented. "How did it ever get so curly? I don't remember it ever being that way when we were younger!"

"That's actually a story from my journey which is fairly safe to tell" Merry said with a smirk. "Pippin and I…" he sighed. "I cannot tell you how we ended up where we were at the time, or what we were doing there, you will have to get by without that information. We were in Fangorn Forest, Pip and me, in the care of an Ent named Treebeard. An Ent is… do you remember the stories about the Old Forest?"

"The Old Forest?" Estella shivered. "Don't talk of it, those stories frighten me! I don't want to hear about it at a time like this!"

Merry could barely keep from rolling his eyes. Those stories scared her, yet she wanted to hear of ringwraiths and orcs and battles.

"You know the stories, then. Of trees that would come alive and move and talk to each other. Most Hobbits in these areas were told horror stories of them when they were little, and they are indeed true those stories! I've experienced it far too well myself… But there is a whole other forest, far from here, which is like that. Fangorn Forest has been feared for years, even by the Elves! For the trees grew resentful toward other beings who came into their woods and chopped them down."

"Merry, trees aren't resentful" Estella said.

"Every tree has a voice" Merry said. "I've learned that. And they talk, we just don't know how to listen. Not even the Elves do anymore! But there are some creatures who are almost trees, yet they are not. Treeherders, one might call them. They care for the trees and keep them happy. They look much like trees themselves, one could easily be fooled by their appearances to think that they cannot move or talk. But they can. They are Ents."

He began to describe the nature of the Ents and what little he knew of their history to her, pausing every now and then when she was in pain. He told her the story of how he and Pippin had been wandering about in Fangorn Forest and encountered Treebeard. He told her as much as he saw fit, and eventually explained to her about the water they drank in Treebeard's home.

"I don't know whether or not to believe this" Estella said, shaking her head. "It seems so unbelievable. Yet I can see with my own two eyes that your hair is curlier than any other Hobbit's save Pippin, and you're taller than any Hobbit I have ever met before! So your story must be true. I can't think of any more reasonable story which would explain those curls of yours."

"It's as true as can be" Merry assured her. "Though I cannot blame you if you find it unbelievable. If I hadn't experienced it myself I would probably have discarded it as someone's overly active imagination."

"It makes me wonder what stories you're not telling me" Estella said. "Would I believe them if I heard them?"

"Some of them" Merry said. "But it doesn't matter. And let's not talk anymore of this tonight, the winter night is far too dark!"

"A Hobbit of your age and experience who is frightened by the dark" Estella teased.

"Don't jest" Merry said firmly. "There are stories who can make the brightest summer day seem dark as the night!"

Estella just shook her head at him and wondered what on earth he really meant by that. The only things that gave her nightmares were reckless things her sons did while playing or Merry trying to ride his unruly pony Snow White. She couldn't imagine any greater evil than what had sieged the Shire so long ago, she didn't know that to Merry the occupation of the Shire had been a walk in the park compared to his previous experiences.

"I don't think it will be much longer now" Merry said encouragingly to Estella, who managed to put a smile on her face through the pain. Merry stroke her cheek and gave her a sad look. "Not much that I can do for you… I'm sorry."

"You're here" Estella said as the pain faded for now. "That's enough."

"You're brave" Merry said with a smile.

"I've learned from you."

Merry placed a kiss on her forehead and gave her some water to drink. Dawn would break in a few hours, the question was whether or not the child would be born by then. He was quite convinced by now that Estella's condition would be found out quite soon, her complains were getting louder each time and people would be able to hear it soon. He was certain that someone would come and angrily shove him out in the hallway before long, while chewing him out for not having brought help sooner, but he didn't say anything to Estella about his suspicions. She wanted to be alone with him and he could afford to let her believe it would be just the two of them until the baby made three if that thought helped her.

"Is there anything I can get you?" he asked.

"No" she said. "Unless you have some herb that makes the pain go away…"

"I'm sorry but I don't."

"Ironic, since you mostly have herbs for everything!"

"Not for everything…" he said-

He grabbed a cloth and wiped her sweaty forehead, wishing there was something he could do for her. He was growing more and more certain by the minute, he would never put her in this position again. While he didn't know of any herbs that could easen her pain he did know of herbs which could prevent pregnancy. He had a strong feeling that she would never take any such herbs if he asked her to, but he hoped there was some way of getting her to take them anyway. He would feel much more at ease if she would not get pregnant again. Six children was enough for him, and she was getting older and shouldn't be having as many children anymore.

Absent-mindedly he grabbed his pipe and looked at it. As far back as he could remember he'd loved smoking his pipe, but since the war it hadn't been the same. He couldn't smoke a pipe anymore without thinking of king Théoden and feeling a sting of pain. It was odd how people left the world and others came into it, all leaving their own marks. It was odd how people who came from the same two parents could be so different from each other. He had no siblings of his own but growing up he'd clearly seen how different Pippin was from his giggling, airheaded sisters, and now he could see differences in his own children. The only ones who seemed much like him were Éowyn and Aramac, though Lucky was too young yet to be much like or unlike him.

Théodoc was the greatest mystery to him, his firstborn son and heir. Théo was eight years old now but still as shy and quiet as when he was three. He seemed almost scared of his father and only obedient of his mother, and his younger brothers only seemed to irritate him. The only one he trusted and seemed comfortable around was Éowyn. When his sister wasn't following Merry, Théo was following her. She was the only one he seemed to say much to at all, it was driving both Merry and Estella crazy that Théo wouldn't speak to them unless he was spoken to. He didn't resemble either of his parents' much by appearance either, they had been trying for eight years to figure out who he really looked like. He had Merry's eyes, the rest of his features looked more like Estella's though they weren't really hers either. The child was a mystery to most who knew him.

Aramac, who was now six, looked like his mother but behaved like his father. Merry's mother always said that Aramac was just like Merry had been when he was little, and it made Merry proud to hear. His six-year-old was responsible and mature beyond his years, one would think he was the eight year-old and Théo the six year-old. Merry found it charming that his son who looked so much like a male version of his mother, seemed to share a personality with his father.

Cordy, who would turn three this summer, had begun his life with a hurry and lived it in the same way. He never seemed to walk, he always ran, and he had been younger than any of his siblings when he'd taken his first steps. Speaking had took a while later though, it was as if he was in too big of a hurry to have time to speak. One had to pay close attention to hear what he said half the time since he spoke so fast. He was unusually curious even for a Hobbit and loved exploring new rooms in the Hall. He seemed to have inherited a lot from his grandmother, who was born a Took. He was very fond of his uncle Pippin, but even more fond of his second cousin Faramir. Faramir was the spitting image of Pippin as a child, both by looks and appearance, and just like Merry had gotten used to having a little relative follow him around when he was younger, Faramir was getting used to Cordy wanting to follow him around everywhere. Pippin had asked Merry with big eyes if he had been that way with Merry when they were younger and Merry had only laughed. Trust Pippin to have realisation hit him like a ton of bricks, and what was the use of being upset by how one had acted so long ago? Merry was glad Pippin had stuck like glue to him, if he hadn't their lives had been much different. Merry and Pippin both silently hoped that Faramir and Cordy would turn into as good friends as their fathers were.

Lucky, the fifth child in the litter, was a little more than a year and a half old. He had survived his premature birth as if by a miracle but it seemed as if he'd gotten a health condition because of it. He had had several colds during his short lifetime and he was weaker than his siblings had been when they were that young. He was a constant worry for Estella and her sorrow as she felt like she was to blame for his poor health. But Lucky Brandybuck was a good-natured child who rarely complained, and when he did one could always distract him with a story. He could sit for hours and listen to a story either told to him or read to him from one of the many books in the Brandy Hall library. And the luck that had saved him when he was born still seemed to protect him, the only thing troubling him seemed to be falling ill every now and then. He had not gotten a single bruise or scratch in his life, while his siblings constantly showed up with cuts and bruises from playing too roughly. The nickname Lucky seemed to be fitting and his parents only hoped it would be for the rest of his life. That child would have enough troubles anyway with his lacking health.

Merry's thoughts finally landed on the incoming baby, and on his mother. Esmeralda Brandybuck was only a month away from her 103rd birthday and in the past couple of years she had been ill. Merry knew she wouldn't live much longer, and even though he hadn't said anything to her he knew she knew it too. She had said to him a while ago that she only wished she could live long enough to see her sixth grandchild. Her wish was coming true, and while it pleased Merry that his mother would get what she wanted it also made him a bit afraid. He was worried she would give in to her illness and pass on once she'd gotten to see the latest, and as Merry had decided, last member to the family. Merry felt like he had lost his father just a short while ago and he was not ready to lose his mother too. He had hoped she'd be around at least until Éowyn turned twenty.

He looked over at Estella and with a strike of sadness he suddenly knew he was going to outlive her. He couldn't explain how he knew, he just knew. He hoped it would be very long until her dying day, for the children's sake and for his own. Reason told him she had at least another forty years ahead of her, but the fear of losing someone he loved was deeply rooted in him. He would have to take good care of her and keep her from getting worn-out or sick.

He reached out his hand and gently caressed her hot cheek. She looked up at him and smiled faintly.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"I would give anything for a moment of sleep" she mumbled.

"It won't be much longer now" he said. "You'll get to sleep as much as you want to before long. I promise."

"If I'll be able to. Sometimes after a birth I'm unable to sleep for hours!"

He nodded.

"Thirsty?"

"Yes."

He gave her some water to drink and gently wiped her sweaty forehead. He wished for the hundredth time that night that there was something he could do for her, but there wasn't. All he could do was try to comfort her.

"Merry?" she said after a while.

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking… About this spring."

"What about it?"

"About when Rosie had Ruby. And how Ruby…"

She trailed off and Merry gently shushed her.

"Don't think about that now."

"I can't help it. I'm scared. Ruby seemed perfectly healthy, her birth went relatively easy and she showed no signs of being ill or hurt at all. And yet she died!"

"Sometimes that happens" Merry said. "Children sometimes die after only a short time in this world. It can be for a million different reasons."

"But how can you know that it will happen?"

"You can't."

"How can we then know that this baby won't die just like Ruby did?"

"We can't" Merry said honestly. "But we can't let that knowledge get to us. None of our children have died, there's no reason to believe that this one will."

"None of Rosie's children died before Ruby."

"Rosie has ten living children. By all accounts that's a very lucky figure. Only one death among eleven children. We have five, soon six. If Sam and Rose could have eleven children before anything bad happened what's to say you and I can't have six?"

"I'm still scared" Estella whispered. "We came so close to losing Lucky…"

"But we didn't lose him. They're survivors, our little ones. You have taken good care of yourself this time around and I see no reason to worry, especially about things that are beyond our control anyway. Please, don't think about it anymore tonight…"

"I'll try not to" Estella promised. "But it's hard not to worry about your children."

"I know. I happen to have a few myself" Merry grinned. "But I want you to just try to relax now and focus on bringing this little one into the world. Whatever happens next we can worry about when daybreak comes."

"How your parents must have torn their hair when you left" Estella said with a sigh. "I would lose my mind of one of my boys just disappeared and wasn't heard from for more than a year, especially when foul creatures were lurking about."

"None of them would without good reason" Merry said. "Now cast those thoughts aside and focus. You're getting closer love, and I need you to save your energy and just rest. You will need all your strength soon, don't spend it on things that don't matter at the moment."

Estella nodded and gritted her teeth. Merry turned his head, unable to look at her right now. Why hadn't he fetched Rose? Estella would need Rose. Merry doubted that he would be able to see her through this.

Merry was surprised by how easily he slipped into the role of the medic when the baby finally decided that it was time to enter the world. The fact that the birthing mother was his own Estella seemed to give him an extra energy kick, and it was the first time in many years that he had brought a child into the world without any complications. He knew it would all be over for Estella soon and the anticipation for the baby pushed all worries out of his head. Firmly gripping Estella he calmly told her what to do, even though she knew just as well as he did.

Her face was pale and her eyes shut, but she didn't make a sound now. Merry had never seen her so concentrated before, and shivers ran through her body like during their most intimate moments. But they had never been intimate in this kind of way before, Merry had never been there to deliver one of their children.

"Come on now" he said gently but with force in his voice. "There's a good lass… Come on now love, you can do it."

Suddenly he saw a baby's head, and shortly thereafter he got a firm but gentle grip of the child. He glanced up at his wife and was struck by how beautiful she was at this moment. Her hair was hanging in sweaty wisps around her face and the rest of her was soaking as well. There was a look on her face which he had never seen before and he knew she was in a lot of pain. But there was something about her at this moment which made his eyes fill with tears at how beautiful she was.

"Relax now" he said softly. "There's my lass…"

Estella fell back on the pillows and gasped for air. She slowly opened her eyes when the cry of a newborn was heard. She saw Merry and what struck her as the most beautiful scene she had ever seen. He was a mess, just like her, and with his arms stained red with what she knew was her own blood. He had a few streaks of red on his face as well, where he had wiped his unruly curls out of the way, but he didn't seem to have noticed. He had a smile that seemed almost radiant on his lips and he was whispering something to the baby she couldn't see for his arms.

"You did well my love" he said to Estella without looking up at her. "Very well…" Then he looked up at her and chuckled slightly with a tear of joy falling down his cheek. "It's a lass. And with hair as golden as the sun, though ask me not where she got that from."

"A daughter?" Estella whispered. "We have a daughter?"

"We have a daughter! Finally Éowyn has a sister."

It seemed as a sign to him. This child would be their last. The first child born to them had been a daughter, then had followed four sons, and now came at last another daughter. It seemed like an ending, as the birth of their first daughter had been a beginning.

Both parents were completely exhausted when they settled down to rest a while later. The baby had been cleaned up, and Estella too to some degree. Merry was snuggled up next to her with his chin resting on her shoulder and even the baby seemed to think it had been a rough enough night and now it was time to go to sleep.

"Out of six children you have given names to four" Estella said softly. "Now it's my turn. I want to give her the most beautiful name I know of."

"Name her after yourself" Merry suggested and gently kissed his wife's shoulder.

"Rose already has a daughter named after me" Estella said.

"No she doesn't."

"Primrose. Her middle name is my first."

"That doesn't mean we can't name our baby after you."

"It's not the most beautiful name I know of" Estella said. "There's another name. I decided tonight, if it were a daughter I would give her this name."

"Well then tell me" Merry said. "What is the eighth family member's name?"

"Lúthien" Estella said as soft as a caress. "After Lúthien Tinúviel. Her story has always been my favourite."

"Lúthien…" Merry said with some hesitation. "It's not a Hobbit's name."

"It is now" Estella said with a loving chuckle. "For this Hobbit carries that name."

Merry couldn't argue with her when she used his own words of long ago.

"Lúthien it is then" he said and kissed the top of his wife's head. "Perhaps she will be able to sing like the nightingale."

"Perhaps" Estella said. "It's amazing… She's all ours. Nobody else has been involved at any point. We made her all alone together at Crickhollow, now we birthed her together, just the two of us. Never let it be said that we cannot accomplish great things together."

"Never let it be said" Merry agreed.

"We don't need anyone else…" Estella said, getting more emotional. "All we need is each other. The proof is right here in my arms. No midwifes, no people surrounding us, just you and I together. And the result is beautiful!"

"Rest now my sweet" Merry said gently. "You have well earned it. And you much need it. You are starting to muse! Close your eyes and go to sleep, I will stay awake."

She nodded slightly and leaned her head against him. Before long she was sleeping and Merry was the only one awake. He looked at Lúthien and smiled.

"My last child" he mumbled. "You will always be the youngest. Always be our baby. No younger sibling will come and take your mother's attention away, nobody will sleep in that crib after you until you are an aunt and the child in the crib is your brother's. We are finished now, your mother and me. We have come full circle. Now it's time to enjoy life and watch our children grow."

When the bomb dropped three hours later shocked Hobbits spread the scandalous news with the speed of light. Rose Gamgee had been furious when she had walked in to wake Estella up and found a happy mother, father and infant instead of a pair of expecting parents. She had yelled at Merry until her face turned red and then at Estella, all the while without raising her voice to wake the baby. Her anger had had no effect which had only angered her more, and she embarked on a long speech on how the baby's life had been jeopardized.

"I'm sorry Rose" Estella finally said, finally blushing with shame. "Please, I didn't mean any harm. I know you worry and I know why, but I had the best medic in all the Shire here with me! Nothing went wrong, and having my husband here was wonderful! Please don't be mad at him, it was I who insisted."

"Even so, you should know better" Rose growled at Merry. "Magnificent indeed, magnificently stupid!"

"Now wait just a minute!" Merry defended himself. "I knew what I was doing, I would have woken you up at the first sight of trouble."

Rose didn't answer, she took the baby from its mother and strode off to show the baby to the grandmother, while wondering how on earth she would explain this. As it turned out she didn't have to, everybody knew that she had just woken up yet came storming out of the master bedroom with a baby in her arms and soon everyone had put two and two together. The scandal was nothing like Brandy Hall had ever seen, sometimes their Master was just a bit too queer. After three days rumors went around that Merry had delivered the child with magic, others said that it was merely a trick. But either way it was shocking to think that a father had delivered his own child.

Merry and Estella were blissfully unaware of the scandal they had caused as they rested in each other's arms while waiting for Rose to bring the baby back. When Rose did return after thirty minutes she had calmed down and avoided Merry's eyes. She handed the baby back to Estella and then blushed.

"She is fine" she said. "No signs of any problem… She's beautiful. Perfect. I am so sorry Master, it was wrong for me to call you stupid. Can you ever forgive me? Sam will be mortified when he hears how I have acted!"

"And mortified when he hears how **I** have acted" Merry said. "There's nothing to forgive Rose, and Sam needs not know. It was stupid of me."

"No, you knew what you were doing" Rose said and felt really bad for having said such harsh things to someone she had been brought up to always treat with respect. "But I… I just… after Ruby I…"

"Say no more Rose" Merry said. "I know. I understand. Thank you for caring."

"Her name is Lúthien" Estella said, breaking the tension in the room.

"I've heard the tale of Beren and Lúthien" Rose said with a smile forming on her lips. "Trust you to find a special name for your child."

"For once I'm not to blame" Merry said. "It was Estella's choice."

"It's an odd name for a Hobbit" Rose said. "But among her siblings it is very fitting. I shall leave you two alone now. You both need your rest."

"All three of us do" Estella said with a loving smile as Lúthien yawned big and opened and clenched her little fists.

"I shall see you later" Rose said and bowed before leaving the room.

"I told you she would be angry" Merry said once they were alone again.

"I told you I don't care" Estella said lovingly. "And I told you we could do it. And we did. We did it together…"

Her voice slowly grew fainter as her eyes began to close. She was still exhausted. Merry gently shushed her and caressed her cheek with his lips.

"Go back to sleep" he said. "We both need sleep. I will get the children later, let them see their sister. But for now, we need our rest."

She nodded slightly and leaned against him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, completely exhausted. Before long they were both asleep, getting some well earned rest after their long night.

Merry woke up after only an hour and squinted, wondering what had woken him up. Estella was still sleeping and so was the baby. He looked around and saw Pippin standing by the door, clad in his Gondorian armor and with his Elf cape on, sporting a wide grin. Merry had woken up when he had closed the door.

"Pip?" Merry said quietly. "When did you..? How did you..? Who..?"

"Good news travels fast" Pippin grinned. "My scandalous older cousin, sometimes he surprises even me!"

"I should have known you would come."

"You've sure given folks something to talk about, father Meriadoc" his cousin grinned. "What's it like? To be there when your own child is born?"

"It's like magic" Merry said. "Come, have a look at her."

"Her?" Pippin said with wide eyes and hurried over. "I thought you only fathered lads nowadays, cousin dearest!"

"I decided to make an exception" Merry said with a smile.

"Oooh, she's adorable" Pippin grinned as he climbed on to the bed and crawled up next to his cousin to get a better look at the newborn. "Look at that hair! Look at **her**! Merry she looks just like you!"

"Poor child!" Merry chuckled. "Yes, her hair is remarkable, isn't it? Golden. It reminds me of Legolas…"

"What are you naming her?"

"Lúthien. It was Estella's choice."

"Lúthien. Little Lúthie Brandybuck! I've longed to have a little lassie around, Éowyn is growing up so fast!"

"Do you remember when she was born?" Merry asked. "How afraid you were! And the moment you met her you loved her."

"She's my daughter too" Pippin said. "Hopefully now that she's older she can come visit me at the Smials more often!"

"Surely she will. And in time, so will Lúthien."

Pippin nodded and gently caressed the newborn baby's head. The blonde curls were unusual, not too many Hobbits had that kind of hair, but it somehow fitted a lass with an Elvish name. Pippin had always pictured Lúthien being blonde, he pictured all Elves he had never met as blonde. The name chosen for the baby was perfect, an Elvish name for a lass with Elvish hair.

"She will be a heartbreaker when she grows older" Pippin predicted. "I hope she chooses her lad with care."

"Her lad? Peregrin Took, she's merely a few hours old! Would you let Lúthien be just my little daughter for a few years first, before you hand her away to the hoards of reckless, airheaded Hobbit lads luring out there?"

"Oh surely they won't all be that bad…" Pippin said.

"Well there will only be one son of yours to marry a daughter of mine" Merry said. "And I'm not so sure I'd trust any other lad than your Faramir with my girls!"

"That's unfortunate, for I'm not sure I trust your Éowyn or Lúthien with my boy" Pippin teased and nudged his cousin.

"Éowyn and Faramir will be an item some day" Merry said, ignoring Pippin's comment. "And they will unite our two families. We will have grandchildren together."

"Grandchildren, think not of such things now! We're still in the process of giving grandchildren to our parents!"

"No we're not, neither you nor me. Lúthien is the last, six is enough."

"Oh I'm not so sure about that" Pippin said. "You and Samwise both work hard to populate the Shire. And why shouldn't you? The more Hobbits descending from the Fellowship the better, that's the only way us Hobbits can live eternal life. Through children. And speaking of hoards of children, if Lúthien marries one of Sam's lads then the circle will be almost completed. And you wouldn't have to worry about your son-in-law being not worthy."

"I don't want to think about having son-in-laws" Merry said. "Éowyn is not even ten yet! Patience my dear Peregrin!"

"Who brought it up in the first place, I wonder?" Pippin said with a glare.

Merry yawned big and was overcome by how tired he was. Pippin's presence had kept him awake thus far but he realised he wouldn't be able to stay awake for much longer.

"You look exhausted" Pippin said gently. "Was tonight difficult for you?"

"It was the most amazing moment when I helped bring my own daughter into the world. But before that it was the most horrifying night! I shall never forget it, and I shall never have my wife in the birthing bed again. You're right, I am exhausted. If you don't mind I will just… drift off… for a while…"

Pippin gave his cousin a kiss on the cheek and rested his head against him. He would stay awake and keep an eye on the baby while the parents slept. Merry, squeezed in between Estella and Pippin, soon fell asleep. Pippin enjoyed the silence and looking at the parents and child felt like he was taking part in something very special.

"Meriadoc?" Estella's firm voice asked, waking Merry up two hours later. "What is Peregrin doing here?"

"What?" Merry mumbled and slowly got his eyes open. Estella was eyeing him with the baby still in her arms, and Merry remembered that Pippin was there.

"I asked you why Peregrin was here" Estella repeated.

"I'm welcoming the newest member of our family" Pippin said with a smile.

"I… would have hoped it would only be Merry and myself" Estella said.

"Yet here I am" Pippin said. "You know you won't get rid of me, Estella… Where there's Merry there's me. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter, and shame on you both for creating such a scandal with her birth."

Estella opened her mouth to testily reply, but Pippin's light hearted laugh cut her off. Merry just mumbled something and leaned back against his cousin, still exhausted. Estella couldn't be angry when she saw him like that, she realised that she had needed him to be there for her and be strong for her this night, and now he needed Pippin to pick up the pieces and recover his strength. It seemed natural somehow, even though they had for one wonderful night been only two in their marriage Pippin had now come as a silent reminder to her that she would rarely be only two in her marriage. Pippin was always there too, in one way or another. Unlike Diamond she didn't mind, it touched her heart to see her husband together with his cousin.

"Are you tired, Merry mine?" she asked her husband with a loving smile.

He mumbled something back and closed his eyes as if unable to keep them open. Pippin looked at Estella and grinned as if he found it all very amusing. Estella smiled back at him and leaned back down again. Pippin put an arm around her as well, or at least as much of an arm as he could stretch her way, and even though it was crazy she knew that he was right. This was their family, hers, Merry's and Pippin's. She should cherish the moments she had with Merry completely to herself for there would always be Pippin waiting to enter the scene. He and Merry somehow seemed to own everything together, including children, and while Lúthien's father went to sleep her other father cooed her gently and looked ready to burst with pride. It made Estella feel secure, she suddenly knew that her children would always have a father even if Merry was gone. Pippin would always love his cousin's children as if they were his own, as Merry would Faramir. Her children would never be alone or unprotected.

"Queerer family I have never seen" she whispered.

Pippin got a melancholy smile on his face. He had seen a much odder family, but the Fellowship was shattered now. Suddenly he longed for the southeast as much as Merry had for years.

This will be the last chapter before Christmas, most likely. The following two chapters are on my parents' computer as I wrote them in the end of summer and didn't bother to bring them to my college on a floppy disc since I didn't think I'd post enough chapters before Christmas. As promised the next chapter will have much less Estella and much more Pippin. Actually I'm pretty tired with Estella by now... What it's going to be about can be hinted in this chapter…

… Oh! And please leave a review =)


	12. 1440

**Author's Note**: Time for a change! It's about time these Hobbits got around to visit their old friends instead of just talking about it. Don't have any personal comments on this part really, I'm quite pleased with it and hopefully it's a little something different. However as far as the series goes, I'm thinking of changing the title. I've never really liked the "Each Passing Year" title and I'm thinking of changing it to "The Tale of Years". What do you guys think, should I keep it or should I change it?

**Disclaimer**: Characters and places property of JRR Tolkien.

"When are you going to give up?" Pippin asked with a sigh as Merry came close to being thrown from Snow White's back for the fifth time that day. "You have made no progress in three years, you will never tame that horse."

     Merry frowned and jumped down on the ground out of his own free will. Snow White calmed down as soon as her rider was off her back and seemed to be looking at him with eyes saying that she decided whether or not anyone could ride on her, not him. She was just as stubborn as her master, if not more.

     "Don't say that I've made no progress" Merry said to Pippin. "Before she would be as mad with no rider on her back. And I have ridden her once before, it can be done!"

     "It's madness" Pippin said. "All you will succeed in doing is giving your wife a heart attack, you know how she worries when you try to ride this pony!"

     "Yes I know" Merry said and lifted the saddle off Snow White's back. "But don't you agree that it is foolish to give up?"

     "I don't" Pippin said and grabbed the saddle and reins as Merry put the halter on Snow White and led her toward the paddock.

     Merry released the mare and closed the gate. His eyes drew to the southeast and stared off into the distance. It was cold out, only March, yet there was a warmth in his heart when he thought of the land in the southeast. Pippin came up to him after he'd left the saddle and reins to a stable boy and followed his cousin's glance.

     "If you're looking for the sun your glance is too far to the east" he said.

     "That would depend on which sun one is looking for."

     Pippin grabbed Merry by the arm and led him toward the hall. It seemed as if every year around this time Merry's longing for Rohan became worse. It was now only a few days to the date on which the battle of the Pelennor Fields had stood and even though Pippin didn't know it, that was the reason for Merry's behaviour. He still felt the thickness of the black shadow come over him on that date, but he always managed to repress it. Though he could never keep the memories from haunting him, and he longed to be with those who had experienced it too.

     They went inside the hall and Pippin asked for tea and sandwiches to be brought to them in the sitting room. He led his cousin down the halls to the sitting room which was only used by Merry, Pippin, their wives and children. Most rooms in Brandy Hall belonged to everyone, but one corridor was the Master's private. In the sitting room the fire was burning and Diamond and Estella were there with the children, trying their best to politely ignore each other. Though nearly five years had passed, the two had still not been able to forgive and forget what had been said and done at Crickhollow.

     Pippin pushed Merry down in an armchair and slumped down in the chair next to it, rubbing his cold hands warm. Though there was no snow this winter the temperature was below zero and they had been outdoors for over an hour. No matter how much Diamond nagged at him he always seemed to forget to wear his gloves when he went outside.

     Pippin glanced at the women and children gathered in the room, his and Merry's family. Diamond was helping Éowyn with her sowing, Merry's oldest daughter was making a quilt for her bed, or at least trying to. Théodoc was quietly reading next to his sister, the only person he seemed to feel completely comfortable with. On the other end of the room Faramir and Aramac were quarrelling over the rules in the game they were playing, and next to them Cordy and Lucky were bickering over a blanket. The youngest, thirteen month-old Lúthien, was being rocked to sleep by Estella. There were seven children present, Merry had said there would never be eight though he hadn't said anything to Estella about it. He had made up his mind but he knew she would argue with him about it, so he kept making sure she drank the tea he made her each morning and kept his mouth silent over what was in it. As long as she didn't know that she was drinking tea which would prevent her from conceiving, he knew everything would be fine.

     Pippin decided that his hands were warm enough and began rubbing his feet instead. He looked up at his cousin who stared into space and seemed unaware that his feet and hands were red with the cold. Pippin sighed.

     "Merry!"

     "What?" Merry said, slowly returning to reality.

     "Look at your feet! Your hands!"

     Merry looked down on them and shrugged his shoulders. Estella and Éowyn glanced over at him and Éowyn put her sowing down and rose to her feet. She grabbed a blanket and walked over to her father, wrapping it around him.

     "You're cold" she said.

     "Thank you" Merry mumbled, seemingly without even noticing the blanket.

     "Here, let me" Pippin said and began rubbing Merry's feet, annoyed with his cousin. Whether or not he longed for Rohan and Ithilien he ought to take better care of himself. The last thing they needed was for him to get sick at this time of the year.

     "I wish winter would be over" Diamond complained. "Having to constantly worry about Pippin and Faramir getting frostbitten is taking its toll."

     "Just you wait until summer, then you'll be worrying about us falling out of trees" Pippin grinned, in a slightly better mood.

     "How I wish you would at least not teach the boy to climb those horrid things" Diamond complained. "It's bad enough having you up in them all the time!"

     "But mother!" Faramir complained. "Father says it's not dangerous, as long as you don't fall from them!"

     Diamond angrily glared at Pippin who only laughed.

     "I've always wished to climb a tree" Éowyn said and sat back down with Diamond.

     "You certainly will not!" Estella and Merry said in unison.

     "You could fall out and get hurt!" Merry added, waking from his daydreams.

     "See? Now there's a lad with at least **some** sense in his head!" Diamond said and nodded towards Merry.

     "Some, but not a lot" Pippin grinned.

     "You sure became talkative all of a sudden!" Merry said with a glare at Pippin. "I can rub my own feet, thank you."

     "As you wish, oh sensible one!" Pippin said jokingly and bowed before hopping back up on his own chair.

     "You behave or I'll eat all of your sandwiches" Merry said and began rubbing his aching feet. "Speaking of which, I'm hungry! When will they get here with our food?"

     "If you're hungry you can get it yourself" Cordy said, mocking what his mother always said to his father.

     "Estella watch what you say around the children" Merry said and jokingly gave her an angry glare.

     Estella shushed him, nodding to the nearly sleeping baby in her arms. Lúthien was as stubborn as could be, and when she didn't want to sleep it was very hard to get her to do so. It had taken Estella nearly an hour to get her this sleepy, she didn't want her woken up again.

     When Lúthien was finally asleep Estella quietly left the room to put her down in her crib. When she returned the others were feasting on sandwiches and tea. She cast a glance at Merry, who sported a bran new bruise on his left arm.

     "You've been riding that demonic pony again, haven't you?" she asked.

     Merry looked up. He didn't want to lie to her but he also didn't want to make her mad. Not right now. The bruise had indeed come from Snow White but letting Estella know so wouldn't help anyone, least of all her.

     "We were actually thinking about going out riding this afternoon" Pippin said to save his cousin. "Stybba and Foxie could use a good leg stretcher."

     "Can I come?" Éowyn asked.

     "Yes" Pippin said.

     "No" Merry said at the same time.

     Éowyn looked from one to the other, unsure of what to believe. Her father rarely turned her down, and if Pippin said she could she couldn't see why her father would want her not to come with them.

     "We need to speak of some important things" Merry said excusingly. "Some other time."

     Éowyn nodded, but couldn't help feeling grumpy. She wasn't used to not getting her way with her father, and she knew she could ride out with them and be silent as the sun while they talked of their important matter. But there was no use in arguing with him when he was like this. There was never any use at all arguing with him this time of year.

Pippin looked out over the lands and drew his cape around him. It was far too cold for his liking yet no snow would fall. No rain either for that matter, this winter had had very little downfall. It seemed like this winter would never end. He had celebrated his fiftieth birthday earlier that year and even though there had been no snow it had still been too cold for them to celebrate it outside. More than seventy Hobbits had instead filled up the dining hall in the Great Smials, creating such a mess that it took them three whole days to clean it up. Pippin made up his mind then and there to celebrate his birthday in the summer next time, and Diamond had given her full support to the idea. She had been completely exhausted by the whole event and in the end Pippin felt it had been more troublesome than fun to turn fifty.

     Next to him rode Merry in silence. His eyes kept ending up pointed to the southeast, almost as if by some will other than his own. It was now near April and the black shadow had passed for now, but the depressed feeling he carried inside didn't fade as easily. Merry longed for Rohan and Ithilien, he longed for his king and his lady. More so he longed for his youth which he felt had passed. He would be 58 this summer, a relatively young age for a Hobbit, but it was more the feeling of being young which was missing in him rather than only having a few decades behind him.

     Merry was beginning to feel less alive. When he had travelled with the fellowship he had been as alive as could be, but now he felt as if he was walking around, breathing, eating, drinking, but not living. Life seemed stale. And he couldn't help but wonder what had happened with all the years. He looked at the six children at Brandy Hall and couldn't believe that he had fathered them all. Sometimes when he played with his children he would feel younger at heart, but it would only last for a short while. Merry longed to be out on the road again, to put his Elven cape on again, to fill his backpack with the things he by now knew he was going to need. He longed to ride on paths which weren't as familiar to him as the back of his hand, to see places so much bigger than the Shire and to meet other people than just Hobbits.

     Pippin knew what was going on, though he never spoke about it. He was afraid that if he put words to the thoughts he would ignite the resting flame in Merry and cause his cousin to finally make the decision and go on the road. And Pippin didn't want that to happen. As much as he longed for Gondor and Rohan and the people he knew and loved, he didn't want to leave the Shire just yet. His only child was too precious to him and he didn't want to miss as much as a week out of his life, let alone a year. But he knew that if Merry left he would leave with him.

     They reached the Great Smials and dismounted their ponies. Pippin fished out some sugar from his pocket and gave to Fox, then turned to Merry and broke the silence.

     "Thank you for helping me exercise Raven."

     "You're welcome" Merry said. "Raven used to be mine, it's the least I can do."

     "What's bothering you?" Pippin decided to ask.

     "Nothing" Merry mumbled and led the pony to the stables. They both knew that was a lie, but they also both knew that Pippin didn't want to talk about it and why.

     They went inside and sat down by the fireplace with Diamond, Estella and the children. Merry lifted up Lúthien in his lap and gently rocked her back and forth. Éowyn crept up to him, and Théodoc followed his sister as usual. Soon all seven children were gathered around Merry and Pippin and begging for a story.

     "Don't bother your uncle Merry" Diamond said to Faramir, who was begging more than the others. "He's cold and tired, let him get some rest."

     "No, that's all right…" Merry said. "But only one story."

     "Tell us about Bilbo Baggins' trolls!" Aramac said.

     "Tell us about when you scoured the Shire!" Faramir suggested and glared at his second cousin for daring to suggest something else.

     "No, I want to hear about Frodo Baggins!" came a third suggestion.

     "When the wolves crossed the Brandywine!"

     "The scouring of the Shire!"

     "Tell us about Rohan" Éowyn suggested.

     Pippin stared at her in shock, knowing very well how melancholy Merry would be at the end of the day if he began to talk about the land he longed to see. Merry was looking at her with surprised eyes too, the look on his face made the other children quiet down.

     "Please?" Éowyn said and swallowed nervously.

     "Rohan…" Merry said, suddenly miles away in his eyes. "Rohan, it is a land in the southeast, south of Isengard where Saruman the White once ruled. A very prosperous land it is, ruled by the noble and mighty king Éomer."

     "Éowyn's brother!" Éowyn said.

     "That's right. When I came to Rohan, the king was Théoden. A just and reasonable king, a good king, a father for his people. But his mind had been infected by the deceiving Grima Wormtongue, spy of Saruman the White. It would have ended with disaster had it not been for Gandalf the White, mightiest of all wizards."

     "Théoden was Éomer's father" Théodoc stated.

     "He was his uncle" Merry said. "Théoden's only child, a son named Théodred, was slain in the War of the Ring, before I came to Rohan. Théoden himself was slain in the war, but before he died he named Éomer the new king of Rohan. It was a crown Éomer accepted with sadness over his loss. His uncle and king had in truth been a noble man. Éomer rules Rohan in Théoden's memory and he is a just and good king."

     Pippin couldn't take his eyes off his cousin while he talked about Rohan and the royal family. It was clear that Merry was back in Rohan as it had been twenty years before, and his cousin's tone was bittersweet. One could almost see the people he described, so loving and thorough were the portraits.

     "Éowyn… Her hair is golden like the sun. It is not curly as ours is, it falls down her back without a single curl in it. Long it is, below her waist last time I saw her. Her face is both soft and hard at the same time…"

     Estella frowned as he went on describing this woman, and couldn't help feeling jealous. The tone of his voice and the loving picture he painted were a bit too loving for her liking. When he had finished describing the lady Éowyn he went silent and continued to stare off into space, his eyes pointed to the southeast. Estella sighed and with a strike of pain in her heart realised that he would not be able to carry this longing around for much longer. She had hoped he would be able to control it for at least another four or five years, until Lúthien was older, but now she had to admit to herself that the time had come.

Later that evening, after she had put Lúthien, Lucky and Cordy to sleep she found him alone in Pippin's study, looking at maps over the land he longed for. She took a deep breath, braced herself and closed the door behind her. Merry didn't look up. She walked over to him and cast a glance at the maps.

     "So this is Rohan?" she asked.

     "Yes…" he mumbled and stroked the map lovingly.

     "You long to go there" she said.

     "Yes…"

     She took a deep breath. It was now or never.

     "I think you should."

     He looked up at her.

     "I've got my responsibilities here. The Hall, Buckland, Crickhollow… We have little Lúthie, she's only a year old."

     "She will still be here when you return."

     "She's not walking yet" Merry said. "She's not talking. I don't want to miss out on that."

     "You will have plenty of chances to hear her talk and see her walk."

     "Don't say that" Merry said and returned his eyes to the map. "The first time is special."

     "She won't know you weren't there for that!"

     "But I will know. Please Estella, you know as well as I do that I can't leave yet…"

     "But when? Say that you can leave once Lúthie is three… What's to say we won't have a seventh child by then?"

     "You're getting too old to be birthing babies" Merry said.

     "And when all our children are old enough, there will be other things keeping you from going" Estella said, ignoring his comment. "You know as well as I do that there will never be a good time for you to leave the Shire."

     Merry swallowed.

     "Don't say that."

     "You're Master of Buckland now. You're a father. The days when you could just up and leave are **gone**." She put her hands on his shoulders and gently began to rub them. "And yet we both know that you have to go, sooner or later. Your eye is always in the southeast these days, your wandering foot is itching… And since now is as good a time as any, you should go."

     "Not until Lúthien is walking and talking."

     "**Go**" Estella said. "You won't be able to leave until May, she might be walking and talking by then. All of her siblings have walked before their first birthday, she can't be far away now. I don't understand your longing for strange places, but I can see in your face that it is there, and that it is demanding. You're saddened by it, I know you are."

     "March is a difficult month" Merry said.

     "Why?"

     "It doesn't matter, it just is."

     "March or no… you were like this in February too. And in January. And I think it is safe to say that you will be in April as well. Write to the king, let him know you're coming."

     "Do you really want me to go?"

     "No" she said with a sigh. "I don't want you to go. I want you to be here with me, I don't wish t be parted for a week, no less a year! But it's not about what I want…"

     "Yes it is" Merry said. "A hobbit belongs in the Shire. **I** belong in the Shire."

     "Maybe you did once, but now you belong in more than one place. This yearning inside of you will not easen until your eyes look upon that land again."

     Merry sat up straight and turned his head to look at her.

     "Come with me!"

     "What?"

     "Come with me! Come with me to Rohan! See those lands for yourself, meet Éomer, meet Éowyn! Come!"

     "I couldn't possibly!" Estella said and backed away.

     "Of course you can!"

     "What about the children?"

     "They will come as well!"

     "Most definitely **not**!" Estella spat out. "Lucky's health is weak, you know it is, and Lúthien, she's only a yearling!"

     "We will leave in the summer, the weather won't be a problem for Lucky's health, or for Lúthien! Fresh air will only do them good! And think of all the things they'll get to see, think of how much they'll learn!"

     Estella shook her head.

     "No. I won't let the children leave. You might not belong only in the Shire, but they do! And I will not risk one of them falling in love with a foreign land just like you have."

     Merry sighed and looked at his map once again.

     "Someday I'll see Rohan again… Someday, but not now."

With the early dusk had come a freezing rain, the first in months. The rain was as cold as ice and fell with a fury as if the world was as tired of the grey winter as the Hobbits. The weather prevented Merry and Estella from returning to Brandy Hall since they didn't want to risk Lucky catching a cold.

     When Estella left the study to check on the sleeping children, Merry returned to the sitting room and the warm fireplace where Diamond and Éowyn were sowing and Faramir was reading aloud from a storybook to Théodoc and Aramac. Pippin rose from his chair when Merry entered and put his pipe aside.

     "So when do we leave?" he asked.

     The two looked at each other for a minute. Pippin knew better than Merry himself that after this afternoon he would long even more to leave, and he had guessed by the look on Estella's face that she knew it too and would speak with Merry about it. Pippin knew that Merry would leave sometime soon, he had known for a few hours now, and he also knew that he would go with his cousin.

     "May" Merry finally said. "I shall write Éomer tomorrow."

     "That gives us only a little more than a month to prepare…" Pippin said and glanced over at his son. "But if you say May then May it is."

     "You don't have to go" Merry said even though they both knew it was a lie.

     "Yes I do" Pippin said. "And I shall write Aragorn, let him know that I'm coming."

     Merry nodded. Nothing more needed to be said now. He would tell Estella later that the decision had been made, and Pippin would tell Diamond about their plans. And then they would start to prepare for their journey. A smile crept up on his face. He was going to see Rohan and Éowyn again, in a few months time he would be sitting in Meduseld together with the people he had longer for so. Finally he was beginning to feel like he was coming alive.

"What's wrong?" Pippin asked a few weeks later, riding up to Merry at Brandy Hall. His cousin was standing there with Stybba, looking concerned. "Has something happened?"

     "No…" Merry said. "It's just Stybba."

     "What about Stybba?"

     "He is old" Merry said with a sigh. "Even for a mearas… He's more than twenty years old Pip, I don't think he can make the journey."

     "Oh…" Pippin said, not knowing what else to say. He dismounted Fox and gave his pony a pat on the neck. Fox was no youngster either, but he was not too old to make the long journey, and Pippin was thankful for that. He knew how much it had to upset his cousin that his favourite pony might not be able to take him to Rohan.

     "The time has come for Stybba to retire, I fear" Merry said. "But I would have wished for him to see his home land once more before that. Though I fear if I bring him with me now he will never be able to return to the Shire."

     "Then ride Raven" Pippin suggested. "He's older too, of course, but he's still young enough to carry you there and back again."

     "Yes…" Merry said with a deep sigh and patted Stybba's neck. "But I would have wished for it to be Stybba. I was planning on Raven carrying our extra luggage."

     "We'll find another pony for that" Pippin said. "Ride Raven… It will be just like the old days, you and me, Raven and Fox…"

     "So it must be" Merry said. "And Stybba will stay here…"

     With a deep sigh he let his old friend out in the pastures and then helped Pippin get the saddle and reins off Fox. As they then walked toward the hall Merry began going over the things he had planned for them to bring. Pippin only listened with half an ear, he already knew very well what to bring and what to leave. His mind was with what he would have to leave behind, his wife and son. He couldn't look forward to the journey as much as Merry, he felt like he would miss out on too much while he was gone.

     Diamond had been very upset when she had been told of their plans to leave. She had known that there was no use in arguing with him, but she hadn't been able to keep her thoughts to herself. She felt like he was once again putting Merry before her and their child, and Pippin didn't argue with her on that. Having Merry gone would make him so incredibly lonely, if he went with him the longing he would have for Diamond and Faramir would at least be made easier by all the things he would see and do. So he had chosen one out of two evils as he saw it, hoping he had made the right decision. He had tried to explain it all to Faramir, but his son had seemed incredibly unbothered by the whole thing. It was almost as if he didn't believe his father would actually leave. Pippin wondered how much he would grow during their year apart and wished Diamond would let him take Faramir with him. But he knew it would be a lost cause, she would never let him go.

     "I received a letter from Éowyn today!" Merry said, suddenly getting Pippin's full attention again.

     "You did? What did she say?"

     Merry grinned.

     "Read it yourself and find out, there are no secrets in it! She is looking forward to our arrival and she and Faramir will travel to Edoras to greet us!"

     "It's going to be nice to see them again" Pippin said.

     "Only nice?"

     "You know what I mean…"

     "I've been making plans for our stay," Merry continued, "and I thought we would stay in Edoras for three months, then the same amount of months in Minas Tirith and lastly spend three more months with Faramir and Éowyn at Ithilien."

     "Nine months…" Pippin said. "That's a long time."

     "Compared to all the years that have passed?" Merry asked. "If you wish to go back sooner then that is up to you!"

     "No, I'll stay as long as you'll stay" Pippin quickly said, not wanting to anger Merry. "But we won't be back home for a year…"

     "The time will fly by, you'll see" Merry said happily. "It will seem like we're there for nine **weeks**!"

     "I hope you're right" Pippin said.

Pippin rubbed his aching temples and moaned. It was late in the evening and he was exhausted, but he could not rest yet for a while. There was so much to take care of before he could leave and not enough time to do it in.

     He had decided to leave his oldest sister Pearl's husband in charge while he was gone. Bingo Boffin was trustworthy and just and Pippin knew he would do a good job, but he still felt a bit uneasy unloading his responsibilities onto someone else. Merry was going to leave his duties to Fatty Bolger, under strict supervision by Estella, since Merry didn't have any siblings, and Pippin hadn't had the heart to point out that Fatty might have many good qualities but he was not fit to run Buckland. Though deep down Merry had realised that too and asked Sam to keep an eye on things as well, just to make sure Fatty didn't do anything crazy.

     The door opened and Diamond came in. She walked up to Pippin and began to massage his tight shoulders, Pippin tilted his head back and enjoyed the break. She had always been good at massaging but most of the time her hands were too busy with something else. It had been months since they had last rubbed his shoulders.

     "It's seven o'clock" she said. "Faramir will be getting to bed soon. I thought you might want to tuck him in, since…"

     "Since I won't be able to for a year" Pippin finished the sentence.

     Diamond sighed.

     "It's not that I don't want you to travel and see your friends again Pippin… It's just that I want you here with us. No matter how selfish that may sound."

     "I will be back" Pippin said. "It won't be long before I'm climbing the trees in the orchard at Crickhollow again and singing my foreign songs by the fireplace. And when I return I'll no doubt know a lot more songs to sing!"

     "I'm happy with just the ones you sing now…"

     Pippin nodded slightly. There wasn't much to say really. He felt like a quitter, like he was running out on his family. He knew his place was here, with them, but at the same time it was wherever Merry was. It was complicated. His deep friendship with Merry had been established long before he even dreamed of ever having a wife, much less a child. He had never thought of such things back then, in his mind he and Merry would stay bachelors forever, always young, always playing their games. He couldn't help but consider himself a bit stupid for never realising that life goes on and sooner or later the day would come for them to start their own families.

     Diamond rubbed his shoulders in silence. She was heartbroken by his decision to go away, and she tried her best not to let it show, but sometimes she couldn't keep it in. She hated how he would go anywhere if only Merry went and wished that he could stay in the Shire for her and Faramir. But she also knew that Pippin too had places and people he longed to see, only his longing wasn't as strong as Merry's. Deep down she knew that if he didn't get to travel and see them again he would grow miserable, and even though she was sad to see him go she was glad that he left before he became like Merry was now. She didn't want to see Pippin depressed like that, unable to be content in the Shire. It was better that he left and got it out of his system before it brought his usually cheerful spirits down.

     "I will miss you" she said softly and ran her hands through his curly hair.

     "Yes… I will miss you too. You and the baby."

     Diamond giggled.

     "He's hardly a baby anymore" she said. "He's nine years old now."

     "He grows so fast" Pippin said. "I just hope he won't grow too much while I'm gone."

     "He'll be as tall as his father when you return" Diamond said.

     Pippin laughed.

     "If he is then I will have a panic attack!"

     Diamond leaned down her head and kissed him gently. Pippin turned in his chair and wrapped his arms around her.

     "I know you feel like I'm choosing Merry over you and Faramir" he said. "But it's not like that."

     "I know it's not" Diamond said softly.

     "I could never choose…"

     "I know you couldn't." She forced a smile. "We've had you for fifteen years, it's time we shared you with those humans of yours."

     "Hopefully it will not only be humans" Pippin said with a smile. "We'll see Gimli again, the Dwarf. And hopefully Legolas, the Elf…"

     "You long to leave more than you let on even to yourself" Diamond said. "It will be all right, Pip. Go see your friends and come back to us with their faces in fresh memory. Faramir and I will get by, even though we'll miss you."

     "When I come back I will teach Faramir how to hunt" Pippin said. "He'll be nearly eleven then… He and I can go out riding together, and hunt to get dinner. Sleep under the stars, and I can tell him about all the times we went out hiking, Merry, Frodo and I, and old Bilbo Baggins…"

     "He will like that" Diamond said. "But before you do that you'd best stay home for a while, and let me care for you."

     "I promise" Pippin said with a smile.

     "Now go tuck Faramir in" Diamond said. "You can tuck me in later!"

     Pippin grinned at her and left to say goodnight to his son. She had been right, he did long to travel even more than he let on to himself. The only problem was he had so much holding him in the Shire. But she seemed to understand, and that was important to him. It would make his departure a lot easier, and it would help him think of her with a smile while he was gone instead of with sadness and guilt.

The sun was shining bright in the sky as if wishing them a good journey, and in the trees the birds were twittering. Pippin was caught by their cheerful singing and the excitement of the upcoming journey, even though the parting was going to be tough he couldn't keep a smile from his face. There were still a few minutes to go before he had to say his goodbyes, he might as well enjoy them instead of moping.

     He was standing at the saddling area by Brandy Hall with Diamond and Faramir, making the final adjustments to his packing and whistling along with the birds. Faramir was holding Fox's reins in silence, finally realising the seriousness of what was going on. Just like Pippin usually did, he hadn't thought much about what was going to happen until the events were at hand. He had just shrugged his shoulders when Pippin had said he was going to travel and not taken the information in until now. Seeing his father getting ready to leave and his mother never taking her eyes of Pippin made him suddenly realise that his father was really going to go away and not return for a year. It seemed like an eternity.

     A few yards away Aramac was holding Raven, quietly stroking the pony's soft muzzle. The six Brandybuck siblings were unusually quiet, not even little Lúthien was making any sound. Éowyn was staring firmly to the northwest, almost as if defying her father's long for the southeast. She was devastated that he would leave, she was her father's daughter in every way and had followed in his tracks all of her life. Now he was going away and she couldn't follow, and that thought nearly drove her crazy. She couldn't imagine not getting to see her father anytime she wished, she missed him terribly already and she was angry with him for leaving. She felt left behind and unwanted, and she feared that something would happen to him so that he could never return.

     Finally she broke her stare and her eyes met with Faramir's. They looked at each other for a few seconds in understanding, though neither of them would know how to put their feelings into words. Their fathers were going away to see their namesakes, the Éowyn and Faramir who were married. Both children knew that their fathers hoped they would get married one day too, but neither of them could grasp that idea. They were too young, it was incomprehensible to them that they would one day marry and have their own families.

     Merry came out of the stables leading Snow White, who seemed content with carrying the extra packs on her back. Merry had tamed her enough to accept anything on her back – except for a rider. But the sight of the white pony did not make the occasion easier for Estella. She hated that pony, she felt it was dangerous, and she didn't want Merry to bring it with him when he went on a long and possibly dangerous journey.

     "Merry!" she gasped. "You are not taking that pony with you?"

     "She can carry our packs" Merry said calmly. "She won't cause us any trouble unless we try to ride on her."

     "Which I am certain you will" Estella said.

     "I will be riding Raven" Merry promised. "Travelling offers little chance to try to break in an unruly pony. I cannot be thrown from the back of Snow White and break my leg during the journey, you know I've got more sense in me than that!"

     "I hope so" Estella said and sighed.

     Merry gave Snow White's reins to Éowyn who silently held the pony while Merry and Pippin put their last packs on her back. They had brought enough food to last them to Isengard and back, wise from previous experiences. They knew that anything could happen and that it was better to have too much food than too little. Estella had complained that they were taking more food than she and the children would eat the entire time they were gone, to which Merry had only laughed and stolen the apple she had been eating.

     When Pippin had all of his things loaded on Snow White or his own back, he turned to his family with a faint smile. He had said goodbye to his sisters the day before and he and Merry had spent a few days at Bag End saying goodbye to Sam earlier in the week. Sam had sent letters and well wishes with them and complained that he couldn't go as well, but Rosie was expecting again. Pippin was glad that they had said goodbye to Sam already, he wouldn't want his friend to be there to see them off. It would only feel wrong to ride out without him.

     He kneeled down in front of Faramir and ran his hand through the boy's curls. He smiled at his son and tried to memorise every line of the face he knew so well but would not see for many months to come.

     "You be good now while I'm gone…" he said and gently stroke the lad's cheek. "Don't give your mother any trouble! Stay out of those trees, you hear?"

     Faramir nodded.

     "I will make sure he does" Diamond said with a sad smile.

     "Make sure you do all your chores…" Pippin continued. "But also find time for a good nap or a good time! And…" He smiled. "And I love you, son. I'll miss you."

     "I'll miss you too, father" Faramir said and hugged Pippin tightly.

     When released from the hug Pippin rose and looked at Diamond with tears in his eyes though a smile on his lips. Diamond was far from smiling, a single tear falling down her cheek even though she tried her best not to cry in front of the child.

     "If you cry then I will too" Pippin said with a laugh and pulled her close for a hug. He blew softly into her ear and then whispered into it. "It will be all right… A year goes by fast. Before you know it I will be back, teasing you and bugging you."

     "You're a liar" she replied. "A year is an eternity to be parted from someone you love. And you never bug me."

     "Now you're the liar" Pippin said with a soft chuckle. "I love you Dimesy… You'll be in my heart, and that is a safe place to be. Don't waste your time on tears… Your eyes are too pretty to have tears in them, promise me you'll keep them dry."

     "I don't make promises I can't keep" she said.

     They exchanged 'I love you's and kissed goodbye. Pippin then grabbed his hat and sat up on his pony. Faramir was still holding the reins and Pippin let him hold them for a while longer. Merry was still saying his goodbyes and though Pippin could have waited on the ground he knew it would be better if he sat on his pony. That way Merry would be quicker in getting up in the saddle so they could leave, if there was one thing Pippin hated it was outstretched goodbyes.

     Merry had said a more proper goodbye to the children and Estella the night before, but there were still a lot of 'I'll miss you's that seemed to want to be said. Especially Éowyn seemed reluctant to let her father go, she had handed Snow White's reins over to Pippin after he sat up and wrapped her arms around Merry's waist, looking at him as if wanting to force him with her eyes to stay. Lúthien, who was in Merry's arms, also got a few jealous glances from her older sister, who had not appreciated getting a baby sister the year before. She had never minded her brothers, but a sister felt like a rival and she had hoped she'd never have sisters.

     "Don't you grow up too fast now, you hear?" Merry said softly to Lúthien.

     "Pippin's waiting for you love, let me take her" Estella said and gently lifted their youngest child over to her own arms.

     Merry gently released himself from Éowyn's grasp and put his arms around Estella. Estella handed Lúthien over to Éowyn who had no choice but to accept the child as her parents said a last goodbye to each other. She couldn't hear what they were whispering and soon she found herself busy trying to get Lúthien to let go of the strain of her hair she had started tugging on. Her sister really was nothing but trouble.

     "Go now" Estella finally said and gave Merry a gentle push. "The longer you stray, the harder it will be. And you two need to make the most out of whatever sunlight you've got!"

     Merry pulled her close again and kissed her goodbye, then he let her go and ran his hand through Éowyn's now freed hair before he mounted his pony. He took one last look at his family and then turned to Pippin.

     "What do you say, fellowship member? Shall we ride?"

     "Let's" Pippin said.

     They grabbed their reins and slowly, almost reluctantly began to ride down the path toward the main gate of Buckland. A noise made Merry stop and turn his head and with a confused look on his face Pippin did the same. Merry heard the noise again, then turned his head and with a smile signalled to Raven to start walking again. Pippin rode up next to him.

     "What was that about?" he asked.

     "Didn't you hear? Lúthien spoke!"

     "Did she?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "For the very first time?"

     "For the very first time" Merry confirmed with a grin. "She said 'dada'!"

When Merry felt they had ridden a safe enough distance he turned Raven in a wide bow so that they were suddenly riding in a different direction. Pippin once again rode up next to him with a confused and this time slightly annoyed look on his face.

     "Excuse me, but isn't Rohan in the other direction?"

     "Indeed it is" Merry agreed.

     "And is it not true that we are riding in the wrong direction if where we wish to go is the main gate?"

     "True" Merry said. "But we aren't going to the main gate. Hand me Snowy White's reins, wouldn't you?"

     "Gladly" Pippin said and suspiciously handed the long line tied to Snow White's halter to Merry. "Now why are we not going to the main gate?"

     "I have something that I wish to do on the way, regarding Snowy."

     "And it's in this direction?"

     "You're a clever one, aren't you?" Merry said with some sarcasm in his voice.

     "Well I would appreciate it if I was informed of the detours planned!" Pippin said, slightly irritated.

     "I think I've figured out the problem with Snowy" Merry said. "She's forgotten how to be a horse! She has forgotten that if we're to have any use at all of her as a riding animal then we have to be able to ride her. So I decided to take her to one who could most certainly remind her of how to be a pony and how such a beast should act."

     "Who?"

     "We're going to see Tom Bombadil. And old Fatty Lumpkin"

     "We are?" Pippin said, suddenly grinning. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? And why didn't you just say so before we left, it would have saved us this detour!"

     "You know how Estella feels regarding this pony… And she's scared of the Old Forest! She's filled with the same ludicrous ideas as Fatty, she would throw a fit if she knew I was going there. She considers it the greatest miracle of all that I survived the Old Forest, silly lass. So that's why we're taking this little detour, I don't want her to know that we're going there."

     "But don't you think someone's going to see us ride in there?"

     "Probably not, the Brandybucks don't go down there anymore. When we didn't return for so long after riding into the forest, Fatty started saying that we must have died in the Old Forest. And so the old ghost stories were given new life and these days the silly Hobbits are terrified of the woods. Cowards, the lot of them."

     Pippin laughed.

     "Come now, Master Meriadoc! I seem to remember that there was a lot of truth to those old ghost stories! If it weren't for old Tom, we'd be a tree's dinner! Or even worse…" He trembled when he thought of the barrow-wights.

     "Nothing like that is going to happen this time, I assure you" Merry promised. "You will leave the woods looking back on your stay there as one of the safest you've had."

     "Safest stay in that forest?" Pippin said, his eyebrow touching the sky. "Any stay that doesn't involve being eaten by a tree or a grave will be considered my safest stay there, and that doesn't give a big cheer for safety…"

     "Now, now, let's not be grumpy…" Merry said and took a deep breath. "Can you feel that air, Thain Peregrin?"

     Pippin took a deep breath as well.

     "Yes I feel it."

     "That is the last Shire air you will breathe for a while, my friend" Merry said as they reached the gates that led to the Old Forest. He jumped off Raven and handed Snow White's rope over to Pippin. "Because before long, you and I shall breathe the fresh air of the open road again… Feel the wonderful scents of Rivendell, the thick, foresty smell of Fangorn with any luck and the crispy, clear air of Rohan and Gondor."

     "It's just air, Merry" Pippin said gently as his cousin unlocked the gates. "Air is the same wherever you go."

     "You out of all people ought to know better than that" Merry said with a glare.

     They both fell silent as they rode into the woods. Pippin felt the same chill of fear go down his spine as when he'd last entered these woods, and suddenly the idea of seeing Tom Bombadil didn't seem as wonderful. He could live happily the rest of his life without seeing old Tom, having to ride through these woods once more didn't seem like a price he was willing to pay. Sauron's shadow that had darkened so many woods had left the world, but the Old Forest was powered by another evil. It was the trees themselves who were the harmful spirits here.

     "Merry" Pippin whispered after a couple of hours. "How much further?"

     "Why are you whispering?" Merry asked in a normal tone of voice. "There's nothing to be afraid of here. You remember old Tom's verse, don't you? If anything bad should happen, we call it. We're going to call it anyway."

     They kept on riding and Pippin wished Merry would decide it was time to call for Tom soon. He was hungry, cold and scared and he found himself longing for Frodo and Sam who had been there the last time they'd passed through this forest. Pippin believed in strength in numbers and right now he felt himself and Merry were dangerously outnumbered.

     Finally Merry decided that they had gotten deep enough into the forest. He halted Raven and sat silently for a minute, gathering his thoughts and remembering their last journey though this forest. He wondered if they were far from Old Willow. Pippin wished he would just hurry up and call for Tom. He was almost about to do so himself when Merry softly spoke.

Three days later the gatekeeper in Bree noted in his book that masters Brandybuck and Took had come from the Shire to stay at the inn. He had recognised Merry, not from the night he had arrived with the other three Hobbits twenty years before but from the numerous trips Merry and a few other Brandybucks had taken to buy and sell goods. Master Took was to the best of his knowledge an unknown face to him. The two Hobbits had passed through the gates, heading for the inn, Pippin riding Fox and Merry riding Snow White.

Pippin greedily drank from the creek while Merry was busy filling up their water bags. It was a very hot day in early June and Pippin felt like he was going to burn up. Merry seemed less concerned with the heat, though he too was very thirsty. They let the ponies water and then sat down to view the maps and see where they were at the time being.

     They were getting close to Rohan now, in only a few days they would be across the border.  Their journey had been delayed a few times, once by Pippin spraining his wrist and another by Fox stepping on a sharp rock causing him to halt. Pippin now rode Raven and they had moved some of the packs over to their riding ponies to easen things for Fox.

     "The summer sun is going to shine hot this year" Pippin predicted and gazed at the birds flying over the small lake just a short distance away. He sang a little tune.

In the days when summer is the brightest 

_We walk around and sing to all we meet_

_Hello, hello, hello_

     "Do you remember that hottest of all hot summers when our sons came into the world?" he then asked his cousin.

     "Remember it? How could I ever forget?" Merry grinned. "First we nearly sweated to death during summer, then winter came and nearly froze us to death."

     "And on the day Faramir was born there was that great thunderstorm" Pippin said. "And just a few weeks later when Théodoc came into the world snow was falling."

     "Indeed a strange year" Merry said and nodded thoughtfully. "Let us hope it won't be another one of those years… We will probably get into trouble for not being in our offices during such troublesome times!"

     "Well knights and esquires of great kings must also tend to their masters during such horrible years" Pippin said in as snotty tone of voice as he could muster.

     Merry laughed.

     "Yes, indeed they must."

     "What do you say we stay here for a while and have lunch under the shade of these trees?" Pippin suggested.

     "I would love to, but we are so near now, only a few more days… I wish to keep going!"

     "You may not need to stop for lunch, but I do" Pippin said. "And since we are so close, what will a couple of more hours matter?"

     "You're right" Merry said with a smile. "Though I don't know about you, but eating is not the first thing on my mind right now."

     "Let me guess, you're thinking of tall people with blond hair and a love for riding around on horses day in and day out?"

     "No" Merry said and grinned. "I'm thinking of taking a bath!"

     That sounded like a great idea to Pippin and before long they were in the water, letting weeks of road dirt, sweat and fatigue wash off them. As the Brandybucks had always mastered boats, Merry had learned to swim when he was young, and when Pippin got older he had been taught the fine art by his older cousin. He was glad that he knew how to swim, he couldn't imagine being afraid of water like Sam was. Had he been afraid of water he wouldn't have gotten such a refreshing swim now when he really needed it.

     When they finally got back up on the shore they laid out their capes and stretched out to let the sun dry them, nearly drifting off to sleep while they dried. Then Pippin had finally waited too long for food and began searching for something to eat in the surroundings. The trees probably provided homes for lots of animals and they tried to hunt as often as they could to save their food packs. While he searched for something to hunt, Merry washed some of their clothes in the lake, hoping to make them at least a little less smelly. Estella would go crazy if she knew how dirty his clothes were, but when you were on the road it didn't seem to matter.

     Pippin returned with two rabbits and they sat down together to prepare- and cook them. It was a pleasant meal, and when it was finally over they had taken a three hour break from their journey. Merry quickly whistled for the ponies and they continued to travel.

Éowyn looked nervously at her image in the mirror and then cast a glance at the calendar. She had expected the halflings to arrive two weeks ago, she hoped nothing had happened to them. She knew that travels seldom took the time they were planned to, and that the two little ones were in no great rush so they would probably take it easy. But she couldn't help but worry that something might have happened. She was growing restless waiting around at Edoras for the halflings to arrive, though she knew she would have been more restless in Ithilien.

     She put down the brush she had been working on her long blond hair with and took a deep breath. She didn't want to admit it to herself but she was nervous. She hadn't seen Holdwine since he'd helped her bring her son into the world, sixteen years had passed since he'd returned to the Shire. And Peregrin had she not seen since the War, she had barely ever spoken to him though she knew all about him from Holdwine.

     She sighed. This was silly. She was actually nervous to see the halfling again! Not a day had passed that she hadn't thought of him, the bond that had formed between them was as strong as it was strange. Yet now she was nervous to see him, nervous because…

     "Oh…" she mumbled, as the realisation hit her.

    She turned around so that she wouldn't have to face the mirror. The mirror, reflecting a woman different from the one Holdwine had last met. She was very well-preserved and looked ten years younger than her actual years, but she was indeed older. Perhaps not as much on the outside as on the inside. She had changed over the sixteen years that had passed, of course she had. And he had too. They were not the same people they were when they said their last goodbyes. Were they?

     And that was what scared her. She was scared that they might have grown apart. And she knew that it would break her heart if they found themselves being strangers to one another now, in her mind she had always thought of the two of them as friends forever but maybe that wasn't true. She hoped he hadn't changed too much and she hoped she hadn't changed too much.

     "Oh don't be silly" she told herself. "Of course you've changed, but that doesn't have to mean you won't be friends! Aragorn saw the halflings just a few years ago and he said it was just like old times…" She sighed. "Old times… Except now the halflings are all fathers. And with high offices in their society. They have responsibilities weighing heavy on their shoulders now."

     "What responsibility can be heavier than the ones they carried when first you met them?" Faramir's voice asked.

     Éowyn spun around and raised her hand to her mouth, her cheeks flaming red with shame. She didn't know what embarrassed her more, having been caught talking to herself like this or the things she had said.

     "I didn't hear you come in!" she said meekly.

     "Don't worry Éowyn, I won't tell anyone that you were talking aloud to yourself" Faramir said gently. "But I'm glad I walked in on you. You must get your crazy ideas out of your head, their responsibilities are no greater now than they were before, they're just of a different kind. Are you worried Master Holdwine will have changed too much?"

     Éowyn nodded and let her hand fall. She glanced quickly in the mirror, then looked away. She didn't know what to say.

     "Haven't you had contact with him by letter all these years?" Faramir asked and stepped closer to her.

     "The written word tells what you want to" Éowyn said. "He knows what I want to hear… That he's still the same that he once was, that there's still a bond between us." She looked at her husband. "I'm just worried that too much time has passed, that we've grown apart! They say that love grows at a distance or it dies, isn't it the same with friendship? I'm terrified of finding out that our friendship died long ago because we grew apart, only we don't know it yet!"

     There. She'd said it. She'd told him her fears. Now she knew that he would either confirm them or deny them, that was the great thing about Faramir. He never gave a halfway answer, and he always knew why he gave the answer that he gave. He could always explain exactly what he thought and how he'd come to that conclusion.

     "Your fears are justified" he said. "Time changes everything they say. Then some things always stay the same… I have loved you all along that has not changed. But a friendship that has been forced to be kept on a distance might have broken apart with time." He put a hand on her shoulder. "But I can assure you, there are friendships that last. Think of what you have been through with Holdwine." He gently kissed her and pushed the corners of her mouth up with his fingers to make her smile. "You will soon know whether your fears are justified. Word just came that the halflings are in the city and will be here within short."

     "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Éowyn asked and hurried past him to the door.

     "Éowyn!"

     She stopped and turned at his voice.

     "Come now… There's no need to rush. I hope your fears won't come true, but if they are, then at least you will know."

     "If we have grown apart then I would rather have never known about it" Éowyn said. "Even if that meant never seeing him again."

The wind blew as usual, her long hair was everywhere. The knot in her stomach was intense, she almost wished she could sit down instead of stand. Her arm was under Faramir's, her brother was on his way. She could feel every beat of her heart, almost hear her pulse.

     Then suddenly a voice announced the arrivals of masters Holdwine and Peregrin. The two halflings came riding up toward the stairs on which Faramir and Éowyn stood and dismounted their beasts. Servants rushed up to them and took care of their tired animals. Holdwine looked up and his eyes met Éowyn's.

     She held her breath. Then without giving her an answer to the question she hadn't asked, he fell on his knee with Pippin and bowed deeply before her, Faramir and Éomer king who had just stepped out on the stairs.

     "Welcome!" Éomer's voice said behind her, as the three humans bowed before the halflings in return. "You have journeyed long and far, and you are weary. But finally you have arrived, and you shall be our guests. Even you, Master Holdwine, can put your esquire services aside for a few days and just be our guest."

     "And Elessar king will be pleased to see the return of his favourite knight" Faramir said with a smile to Pippin. "It warms my heart to see the two of you again, you are most welcome. Friends from old and far, it is wonderful to see you again. I join with the king in greeting you." He glanced at his wife. "But the lady, will she not speak?"

     Holdwine raised his head and looked at Éowyn. Their eyes met and this time he rose instead of kneeled. Next to him his comrade rose but Éowyn didn't notice. She didn't know if she could speak, she didn't trust her own voice, yet she wanted to tell Holdwine how welcome he was and how she had missed him.

     They eyed each other for what was only a few seconds but felt like an eternity. Holdwine looked upon the lady he had longed to see for so long, gazed at her hair which was just as golden as he remembered, looked at her face which in his eyes had so little touch of aging, looked into the eyes which mirrored a soul so similar to his own. Éowyn in turn looked at the halfling, shorter than she remembered him to be, his hair as curly as it ever was, his clothes not the Rohan attire she was used to seeing him in but the Shire clothes he had travelled in. She recognised the scar above his eye, wondered what scars he had gotten since their last meeting, and then her eyes found their way back to his.

     Then Holdwine slowly walked up the steps separating him from her. Peregrin remained where he had stood, most of all wanting to greet Faramir, but realising that he was witnessing the reunion of two people who were once as one soul but were now unsure of what they were. He remained standing where he had bowed.

     Holdwine stopped on the step below where Éowyn was standing, looking even smaller now that he was a step lower than her. Instinctively she kneeled down so that their faces were closer and for the longest time he looked into her eyes in a way that almost made her uncomfortable. It was as if he was reading everything that she was now in her eyes and evaluating that compared to who she had been before.

     And then his hand reached out and landed on her cheek, and his whole face lit up in a smile. She smiled back at him. Then he softly spoke the words which made the huge weight of worry lift from her shoulders and her heart so light it could fly;

     "You're still you."

Loved it? Hated it? Any other comments? Let me know! =)


	13. 1441

**Author's Note: Happy New Year everyone! Just a few short notes before this chapter begins! I can happily announce that this one is more centered on Pippin! Getting kinda' sick of Merry now to be honest… ;) In this chapter I use the word _mathoms_ but I cannot remember if that is the correct word or not. I sure hope it's what the Hobbits called their fancy items, but my memory isn't always the best. And also, I would give this chapter a slightly higher rating, for a part which is slightly more detailed that what I usually write. Just a heads up.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill… I own oh so little!**

I would also like to thank those who have stayed with me in this story and reviewed most chapters! I cannot tell you how much I value your opinions!

**Hai – I'm sorry, but there won't be any stories from Gondor or Rohan in this chapter. But I can promise you, there will be later on. Any suggestions of what you'd like to see happen when they visit their old friends?**

**Xena - thank you for your always encouraging words. I'm glad you see the details in the chapters as something positive!**

**Sakura123 – of course I remember you =) Glad to see you're back! I would pronounce Lúthien [Luuuhthiehn] (some phonetics, huh? lol) with the _u sound like in _flute_. I don't know if that pronunciation is the correct one though!_**

On with the chapter…

"Faramir!"

     A gentle hand shook Faramir awake and he slowly rubbed his eyes before opening them.

     "Wake up! Faramir!"

     Suddenly it dawned on Faramir whose voice it was. He opened his eyes and looked into his father's. He was back! Faramir threw his arms around his father's neck and clung to him, near tears with joy.

     "Father" he gasped. "Father!"

     "Faramir" the beloved voice gently said and rocked him back and forth. "Faramir…"

     "Is it morrow already?"

     "No, it's late at night" his father said. "Merry stayed behind in Bree, but I didn't want to waste another day. I just arrived a few minutes ago and I had to see you and hear your treasured voice, my son."

     "I was worried you had forgotten me!"

     His father laughed.

     "Fool of a Took! Not in a million years, you hear? You've been on my mind every minute!"

     "I'm so glad you're home… And I know this will please mother!"

     "I'm glad to be home too" the gentle voice said and gently stroke the back of Faramir's head. "Though I haven't been bored a day nothing has been able to cure my longing for my beloved ones. Now that I have returned I couldn't wait until morning to hear your voice and look into your eyes again, Faramir."

     "Is mother woken too?"

     "Nay. I'll let her sleep and surprise her in the morning. But I had to see my son."

     "I'm glad you woke me! Will you stay with me until I go back to sleep?"

     "Indeed I will."

     Gently his father laid him down and then laid down beside him on the bed which had been too small for him a year ago and was even smaller now. Faramir breathed in the familiar, comforting scent of his father and closed his eyes with a content smile on his face. How he had longed for this! His father was his favourite person in the whole world and all he wanted was to be just like him. It hadn't been the same for this long year that had passed and Faramir could not count the endless nights he had lied awake wondering about his father and longing for him.

     Peregrin gently caressed his boy's head, running his hand through the curls in Faramir's fringe, and humming gently a tune he had often sung his son to sleep with when he was younger. It never ceased to amaze him to look upon the child's face which was the spitting image of his own at a younger age. It was the greatest mystery of all to him, how there could be a young person looking exactly like him, his own son. The only thing which marked a different between the features of father and son was the hair. Faramir had his mother's hair and Pippin loved running his hands through it. He wished that he could have had a daughter who looked as much like Diamond as their son looked like Pippin.

     The comfort of his father's presence soon lulled Faramir back to sleep, but Pippin was not sleepy even though he had traveled since early morning. The past days he had been filled with such a strong longing for home which had only gotten worse with each meter they got closer to the Shire. It was almost three in the morning but Pippin could stay awake for hours yet, content with just watching his son sleep. But when the cuckoo in the study across the hall announced that three hours had passed since midnight Pippin left his son with a gentle kiss on the forehead, and wandered down the hall to his own bedroom.

     He paused in the doorway for a minute, drawing in the special smell that always seemed to fill the room where he and Diamond slept. He realised how in need of a bath he was, his clothes had been worn day in and day out for nearly two months and though it felt natural to him Diamond would wrinkle her nose and demand them being washed immediately. He hadn't washed up properly for three weeks and probably smelled like horse, road, dirt, sweat and a thousand other things. It almost made him hesitate for a minute before getting out of his clothes and into the warm, clean bed.

     Diamond looked peaceful in her sleep, except for a small frown which Pippin had to resist the urge to kiss. His eyes filled with tears as he finally looked upon her precious face again and drew in her sweet scent. How he had longed for her, each day had seemed empty without her laughter and each night had seemed cold without her warm body pressed to his. Ever so carefully he leaned close and lightly brushed his lips against hers. He would let her sleep and have her be surprised in the morning. He had waited this long, he could wait another three hours. At least he got to be near her. He wrapped her long hair around him and fell asleep within minutes.

Diamond woke up at six, as she always did. From force of a habit which was still firmly rooted in her even though it had been a year, she reached out her hand for Pippin. She had always done so in the mornings, and rarely had she not found him there. She had always woken up before he did, he loved sleeping in, the few times when she hadn't found him there had been exceptions to the rule. But that seemed so long ago, for a year now she had reached out her hand and only found an empty bedside, cold without her husband's body there to warm it.

     This morning her hand fell on a shoulder. Faramir. Sometimes her son would go to sleep in his father's bed at night, feeling closer to Peregrin when he slept in his bed, and other nights he would wake up and come crawling into the master bed when dreams or thoughts made it hard for him to sleep alone. She had not heard him come this night, mostly he would wake her up by mistake or will but every now and then she woke up in the morning to find her son on the half of the bed which had been empty when last she closed her eyes. The first times that had happened she had for a thrilling moment believed that it was her husband who had come back to her, only to find their son there instead. Nowadays she knew it was Faramir, a whole long year had passed and she was beginning to wonder if her love was ever coming home. A day apart was long as a year when you were in love, the thirteen months that had now passed were like a lifetime.

     In a way it was a blessing that she felt this way. In her wildest dreams she would never have imagined that she would fall in love and after thirteen years of marriage still be head over heels in love with her husband, grieving for every hour they spent apart. She had been blessed with love and knew to appreciate it. But sometimes blessings could seem like curses, and that was what she had experienced during this long, empty year. By now she had stopped looking to the Southeast hoping to see her husband coming riding over the crest, and she hadn't read any of his letters in a while. It was too difficult, she would have gotten to the point where she thought she would be fine and then a letter would arrive for her by his pen. And all of her love and longing would be brought back with full force by his tender words, for nights she would lay awake unable to sleep alone. She had put the letters aside, they did her more pain than good. She still spoke to him sometimes in the long hours of the nights, telling him about Faramir and how he was growing, and about how their land was doing, and of her longing for him. It was a comfort, but it could not replace saying the words to his face.

     With a sigh she drew back her hand and sat up. She had best go tell the cook to prepare breakfast, Faramir was every bit as skilled in the art of eating has is father and breakfast was all her son could think about when he woke up. Pancakes, eggs and fried tomatoes, just like his father.

     She cast a glance at the lad in her bed and for a second wondered how on earth Faramir had gotten so dirty during the night. Then she gasped, seeing that not only was her bedmate dirty but he was also considerably larger than Faramir, a grown Hobbit. And his hair was not the same color as her own but darker and filled with the curliest curls she had ever known. She could not believe her eyes.

     "Peregrin!" she gasped. "Oh Peregrin!"

     Her loud gasps woke him, and her favorite eyes in the whole world were suddenly looking at her again, and the beloved mouth formed a smile of joy. He sat up next to her.

     "Oh Peregrin!"

     "Diamond of mine…" he gently said and reached out his hand to gently caress her cheek. How she wished he would continue to speak, let her hear his voice.

     "You're back! It cannot be!" Still gasping she reached out her hand and placed on is bare shoulder, caressing the rough skin which carried month-old dirt and sweat. She didn't care. The sheets in the bed would have to be changed, but what did she care? He was here. "Oh Peregrin… When did you arrive?"

     "Merely hours ago" he said, barely able to speak. He was so overwhelmed by her reaction and getting to be near her again, hear her again.

     "Why did you not wake me?"

     "We're both awake now, aren't we?" he said. "You slept so peacefully… So beautiful… All I needed was to see you."

     With another loud gasp she threw her arms around him and pressed him as close to her as she could. She couldn't believe that she was actually feeling him again, that he was real and not just a wonderful dream which she would soon wake from, as she so often had done during the year now in the past.

     "My Dimesy…" he gently said. "Oh to get to hold you in my arms again…"

     She held him tight and he gently rocked her sideways while they both silently savored the moment. They were two lovers reuniting after far too long time apart, holding each other like they were each other's lifelines. Neither one ever wanted to let go.

     Finally Pippin pulled back from the embrace and let his hand caress his wife's cheek and dry the tear that had fallen down it. He smiled tenderly at her.

     "Dry your tears, Diamond Took" he said. "There is nothing to cry over. We are together again and our time apart is now merely a memory."

     "There is much reason to cry" Diamond said. "But they are all tears of joy, these tears that fall down my cheeks."

     Pippin's lips met hers and she felt a shiver run through her body. Moving as one they lay back down on the bed, Pippin's upper body on top of Diamond's, and their passionate kiss deepened with each passing second. Diamond let her hands run down his bare back and when she felt the fabric of his trousers her hands followed his sides back up to the strong shoulders. He was slimmer and more muscular now than when he had left, a year of traveling and serving his lords had improved his chubbying physics. She loved feeling his muscles move under his skin as he let his right arm move up and down her side, caressing her.

     They broke from their kiss, both gasping for air and stared into each other's eyes for one crazy, passionate moment before Pippin's head lowered and began placing kisses down her chest and belly which was still in its nightgown. His hands found the hem of her gown and as she arched her back he lifted it up to reveal her skin. Instead of closing her eyes as she normally would she let her eyes follow him, unwilling to let him out of her sight for a second even. His mouth reached her chest and for the first time in her life she allowed herself to audibly react. During all their years together she had never let herself show just how much she liked him coming to her bed even though she suspected that sometimes little noises would pass from her lips and reach his ears. This morning she didn't care that a good lass should avoid letting her husband know of her pleasure, she had ached for his return for so long now and that he was there with her was all that mattered.

     Her moans seemed to urge him on and she thought she had never experienced anything better than this. How could she have carried on for a whole long year without him? She would never let him out of her sight again.

     She helped him out of his trousers and while mumbling her name in her ear, it was funny how he always seemed to have something to say when they were together in bed, he united with her in perfect bliss.

They were curled up next to each other, arms and legs still so tangled that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Pippin held his hand on the back of her head and gently pressed it close, her lips pressing against his chest as if giving him the longest kiss of her life. Neither had spoken since Pippin had finally gone from words to just sounds, and in their silence they both rested while trying to figure out how to put what they were feeling into words. They didn't have to, they had expressed everything with their bodies already, but there was so much they had both longed to say for so long that they know felt a need to hear themselves say it. Only language seemed to have too few words to describe what they wanted to say.

     Diamond could feel the beating of Pippin's heart, now slowing down and becoming calmer. She felt as if that heart was beating only for her and she hoped this moment, this morning, would never end. Pippin was in serious need of a bath and a good meal, and she should really get out of her soaked nightgown, but neither seemed to be aware of that. This time belonged only to the two of them, once it was found out that the Thain had returned there would be a hustle and bustle not seen in the Smials since last Peregrin returned from far away lands. In the eyes of Tuckburough the Thain belonged to them, and hoards of Hobbits would want to come and welcome their master back home. Those who he really belonged to, his wife and son, would have to accept sharing him.

     "I wish…" Diamond said. "Wish this could last forever."

     "It can" Pippin said. "And it will. I will be with you tonight again. And tomorrow morning we shall wake up together. Our time is what we make out of it, and I know I shall make the very most out of every minute with you."

     "Please…" she said. "Stay here at the Smials for a few days. Don't go rushing off to Buckland at once, let us take care of you for a while, Faramir and I."

     "I have no plans on going to Buckland" Pippin assured her. "There is nothing for me there as urgent as being with my two loves."

     Diamond closed her eyes and smiled contently. She had for a moment worried that he would head off to Buckland and his cousin before she knew it, but for once it seemed as if he had had enough of his cousin for a while and could manage a few days parted.

     "I love you, wanderer of strange places…" she whispered.

     "And I love you, my gemstone…"

     A soft knock on the door broke their solitude. Diamond reluctantly lifted her head from his chest and he broke the embrace to pull his trousers back on. It was well past the time when Diamond usually got out of bed, by now they must have figured she was ill and come to check on her. As soon as the door opened their secret would be out and Pippin would be whiskered away for everyone to greet him and fuss over him. The precious moment was over.

     Pippin got out of bed and opened the door. Diamond relaxed with a sigh when she saw that it was only Faramir. She noticed that even though Faramir had grown during the past year he didn't seem to reach as far up on his father as he had before, but she realised she must be imagining things. Pippin kneeled down and grinned at his son.

     "Has mother been surprised?" Faramir whispered.

     "Yes" Pippin said, eyes glittering with joy. "She was much surprised."

     "Can I come in now?"

     Pippin let the boy in and closed the door. Faramir had a tray with food in his hands which he set down on his mother's nightstand. He had told his uncle, who was taking care of Pippin's duties while the Thain was absent, that his mother had requested breakfast in bed and was not to be disturbed. He too knew very well that the moment his father's return was known they would not get a moment together for a long time.

     "Faramir you are a good lad" Pippin grinned. "I'm starving!"

     "Faramir Took, is this any way to properly greet your father after his long absence?" Diamond asked her son firmly. "Not sending as much as a 'hullo' his way!"

     "I already greeted father when he came home in the night" Faramir told her in an excusing tone and climbed up to her in the bed. "He woke me and I greeted him then. How did you think I knew to bring us all breakfast?"

     Diamond's jaw dropped and she gave her husband an insulted look.

     "You woke him up but not me?"

     "Father wanted to surprise you" Faramir told her and crept down under the covers next to her. "You look warm mother" he added and placed a hand on her still sweaty forehead.

     "I am nothing of the sort" Diamond snarled.

     "Don't look so insulted, Dimesy" Pippin said with a loving smile. "Can you blame me for having to see our son the minute I got home? And keep in mind that I was with you for hours before we greeted each other."

     "Peregrin Took!" she exclaimed, not knowing what to say to that and for once wishing Merry was there to help her out.

     Pippin grabbed the tray and sat it down on the bed, right next to Diamond. He placed himself on the floor and began to examine what food had been brought to him this morning.

     "Tomatoes… sausages… and pancakes! Son, you did well!"

     "I would tell you not to eat in bed…" Diamond said. "But we need to have the sheets washed anyway."

     Pippin smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her while working on a mouthful of tomatoes. She laughed at him and stole a tomato from the plate. All three then ate in silence, and even though it was a small breakfast it seemed to them like a great feast. It had been a long time since they had shared a breakfast together.

     When every last bit had been eaten Pippin put the tray back on the nightstand and got up in the bed. He was beginning to feel how exhausted he was, but he didn't want to go to sleep now. He and Diamond put their arms around each other, with Faramir in the middle as they had done when their son was still a baby. They didn't say much, for not much was needed to say.

     As long as he lived, Faramir would always remember that morning as one of the best in his life. The family together enjoying the moment, all three overjoyed with how they were finally together again, the three of them. Faramir had his mother's loving arms on one side and his father's strong, protective ones on the other, and the two adults each had one arm reached over to the other. As if a bar protecting him from what evil there was in the world he had his parents' arms resting over him and he could feel the love between the two of them. It made him feel special, he knew that he had forefathers who had been born out of duty and for the sake of the bloodline but Faramir knew that it was not those things that had brought him into the world. He was a product of love, and he had been surrounded by love all of his life.

      An hour later Diamond had to get up, and near tears with love looked at her husband sleeping with their son still in his arms. Peregrin had come home, he really had come back to them. They were a small family, but this morning three seemed to be the perfect number. Just husband, wife and a child, together again at last. This was all she would ever wish for.

"Be sure to scrub good!" Diamond said to Pippin and kneeled by his tub. She leaned close and whispered teasingly in his ear. "Or else I might have to come and help you scrub."

     Pippin grinned at her with longing in his eyes and with a laugh Diamond emptied the bucket in her hand over his head. Pippin spat water and shook his head with frustration.

     "I'm sorry!" she laughed. "But darling all you need right now is to get cleaned up! I have never seen such a dirty Hobbit before in all of my days! You and Merry sure have lived as bachelors during your trip!"

     "There weren't a lot of tubs standing by on the side of the road" Pippin commented and tried to get water out of his left ear. "Look at you Diamond, you're enjoying your little trick like a young mischievous lass!"

     "It was too tempting to resist" Diamond smiled and ran her hand through his curls. "Look at you, you look like you've rolled around in the pig sty! I'm already filling up a second tub, this one shall have pitch black water before long!"

     "You know that's an exaggeration" Pippin said, even though the water was already considerably more brown than it had been before he had gotten into the tub. "Though I shan't deny that a bath was exactly what I needed. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be clean!"

     "And to smell good" Diamond said and teasingly wrinkled her nose.

     "You didn't mind me smelling this morning" Pippin teased back and stuck out his tongue at her.

     "And truth be told I don't mind it now either" she said and gently kissed him.

     In fact she was quite pleased with him being so dirty and smelly. It gave her the chance to be all alone with him for a while, while he took his bath. Or baths, as it would most likely turn out to be. Pippin was enjoying the quiet moment together as mush as Diamond, he was still exhausted and weary and there was just a little too much commotion at the Smials at the moment.

     "How does it feel to be back, then?" she asked him and grabbed a sponge. "Have you missed all these crazy Hobbits and the pile of work waiting for you at your desk?"

     "Don't talk like that" Pippin said with a sigh and closed his eyes as she began to rub his chest with the sponge. "Don't remind me… That was a very nice change when I was away… While Merry was off with Éowyn I served lord Faramir. And while in Gondor I did my old shifts and duties and all I had to worry about was serving Strider and doing my appointed duties. Being Thain requires a lot of me making decisions which affect a lot of people and keeping an eye on all that goes on around here. Serving under Aragorn and Faramir all I had to do was what I was told to do. Mostly I served close to them, but a few times I had watch duties at the citadel or other tasks away from their sides. It was wonderful, it brought back memories and it made me feel young again." He grinned at his wife. "And I got to see Legolas and Gimli again. Fifteen years and more had passed since last we were together, but now I could see their beloved faces again! Legolas hasn't changed at all, though I believe I saw a few strains of gray in old Gimli's beard… He is after all well over 100, close to 150 I believe!"

     "Sounds to me like you had a wonderful journey" Diamond said.

     "Oh it was Dimesy, it was! I don't regret a second of it, even though I constantly longed for you and our Faramir. If only I wasn't torn between two worlds…"

     "At least now you have new memories to cherish until the next time you meet them" Diamond said. "Get out of this tub now and move to the next, let me just fetch the last of the water. I cannot believe I let you sleep in our bed in this filthy state!"

     Pippin obediently rose and waited for her to finish filling the next tub. He flinched at the hot temperature of the water in the second tub but managed to sit down and continue to wash himself. He looked up at Diamond as she kneeled beside him to continue giving him a sponge bath.

     "It's funny though…" he mused. "When you're out on the road… you don't realize that it's been a while since your last bath and that all of your clothes are dirty."

     "Dirty is a soft word… I'm thinking about having them burned!"

     "Maybe it's because those you travel with are just as unclean as you are…" Pippin continued, ignoring her comment. "But you just don't think about it. Somehow it would feel wrong to walk around in clean clothes and be freshly bathed every single day."

     "But now you're back home" Diamond said gently. "And the bachelor lifestyle has ended for now. Back to soap and water! Didn't your mother ever tell you that you'll never catch a lass unless you're clean and proper?"

     "I already did catch a lass" Pippin smiled. He leaned closer to her and kissed her lovingly, putting his arms around her.

     "Pippin" she complained, even though she much enjoyed the kiss. "You're getting my dress dirty! Keep your hands off!"

     "_But never did fountain sound so sweet," Pippin sang and obediently removed his hands from her clean white dress, "__than splashing Hot Water with my feet!"_

     Accompanying the song he used his hands to splash up water on Diamond who gave a loud cry and found herself considerably more wet within seconds.

     "**Peregrin**!"

     "Now you have to take those wet clothes off anyway" Pippin said calmly and pulled her close for another kiss.

     "Hopeless you are!" Diamond cried and squeezed the water out of the sponge over Pippin's head in revenge.

     "Would you stop doing that?" Pippin cried and let go of her to move his wet curls away from his face. He couldn't see a thing with them sticking to his face like that.

     "Sweet is vengeance" Diamond said sweetly and rose to her feet with a perky smile. But before she could walk over and grab a towel to dry herself Pippin managed to grip her arm and pull her down into the tub with a huge splash.

     Within seconds the door opened and a wide-eyed maid stuck her head in to see what all the commotion was about. She gaped at how the Thain was roaring with laughter while his wife tried her best to get on her feet in the small tub. Her hair and clothes were as soaking wet as the rest of her and now it was her turn to not be able to see a thing.

     "Madam Took!" the maid exclaimed. "Are you all right?"

     "I am going to wring my husband's neck!" Diamond cried.

     But Pippin only laughed harder and waved for the maid to leave them. With as much dignity as she could muster Diamond gathered her soaked skirts in one hand and tried to find balance as she lifted one foot out of the tub. Pippin grabbed her arm.

     "Oh no you don't, my sweet!" he said. "You promised me a good scrubbing, remember?"

     "I shall scrub you with a rock!" came the answer.

     "No you shan't" Pippin said and tugged at her arm, causing her to lose balance again and fall down on top of him. "Be nice to your husband."

     "He is not nice to me" she said.

     "Oh I can be very nice…"

     "This tub is not nearly big enough for both of us."

     "It is if you sit in my lap."

     With a sigh she gave in and let him have his way. She could not be mad at him for long anyway, she had longed far too much for his return. She grabbed the sponge and proceeded to get him as clean as possible while he worked on getting her wet clothes out of the way. She wondered how she would explain to Marigold, who was in charge of cleaning clothes, why her newly cleaned dress suddenly had to be cleaned again.

The next day Diamond and Peregrin took a long walk around the Smials, each with an arm around the other's waist. Pippin was eager to inspect the lands and Diamond unwilling to let him out of her sight for long. The grass they walked on was dry now, though it had been raining quite heavily the day before. Only in the ninth hour of the day had the raining ceased and a rainbow had adorned the sky before the sun began to end its daily journey.

     This day the sun was shining, occasionally hiding behind the clouds, and the temperature was just right for a long walk. When they had only a mile left to walk they caught a glimpse of Faramir playing on the meadow with Diamond's sister Crystal's two sons. Pippin let out a content sigh but Diamond had a frown on her face.

     "While you were gone…" she said, "my cousin Melco married Chanterelle Boffin."

     "I didn't know that" Pippin said, only paying half attention. He was more focused on his son at the moment than who had married and who hadn't, he had yet to go through all the marriage licenses and other documents which tradition required that he looked at before they could be archived.

     "Two months ago she died at childbirth" Diamond continued.

     "Oh dear!" Pippin said, now giving his wife his full attention. "What a tragedy! My heart goes out to your poor cousin."

     Without realizing it he pulled his Diamond closer to him. He had come so close to losing her at childbirth, he could imagine nothing worse for a husband.

     "Melco has had his eye on Chanterelle for years" Diamond said. "Had you been here you would have much approved of their marriage. There was a lot of love there."

     "I must go to Melco and offer my condolences" Pippin said. "Poor chap…"

     "He's broken-hearted" Diamond said.

     "No wonder! One day he had everything, and the next…"

     "I have seen him a few times since it happened. And it breaks my heart… Melco has to wake up each morning and know that he is facing a whole long day without her. A lifetime without her in fact, but it is too hard to think about so he has to take it just a day at a time. And after spending a long, lonely day without her he goes to bed alone in a room where two ought to have slept. As he lays his head down on the pillow he knows that he will wake up alone again tomorrow and have to face yet another hard day alone."

     "Blessed be that it was not our fate."

     "I felt this year like it was" Diamond said. "Each morning I woke up alone, knowing that my love would not be there to share my day. Each night I went to sleep alone without the familiarity of your body next to mine. I've felt like a widow this year, Pippin dearest. It is something I would never have thought to have to feel with a husband alive and well!"

     "Be glad that he is alive and well" Pippin said. "Each day you have known that someday I will be back."

     "No matter when that day would be it would still be far from soon enough! Oh Peregrin, this year has been the emptiest of my life! I never want to feel like a widow with a living husband again! I should not have to feel that emptiness when my husband is very much alive and has his health! You must promise me, please, I beg you, don't leave again! Stay here in the Shire all of our days, and let my love be all you need. We are husband and wife, two people meant to spend their days together, not apart! What could you possibly need that you cannot find with Faramir and me? Let Meriadoc go, let him travel all around the world if he'd like! Your place is here with us!" She knew that she was starting to sound desperate, but she had to convince him to stay. "You must promise me, Peregrin! Promise me that you will stay!"

     "I cannot make any such promise so don't ask me to" Pippin said and looked away.

     "Why?" Diamond asked.

     "For I belong not only to you and Faramir but to the fellowship! I need to see them, I must in order to keep from going out of my mind! Fifteen years I lasted, I cannot imagine how I did it! I cannot do fifteen more. And don't forget that I've sworn my duty to Denethor of Gondor and I am bound to that promise under Aragorn and Faramir. When they call I must leave. And as for Merry…" He sighed. "Where he goes, I go as well. I cannot promise you that I will stay in the Shire for all my days. I would become restless and unhappy and drive you out of your mind! However I will promise you this, that I shan't leave only because Merry might want to. When I leave it will either be by the summoning of my lords or by my own desire."

     "Will you at least promise that you won't leave for a long time yet?" Diamond asked, not bothering to hide the tears of sadness and disappointment that fell down her cheeks.

     "You have my word" Pippin said and stopped walking. He reached out his hand and dried some of her tears. "Dry your tears, Diamond Took" he said. "There is nothing to cry over. We are together."

     "There is much reason to cry" Diamond said.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, this time with their arms to themselves. Diamond was disappointed and Pippin thoughtful. His thoughts were interrupted by a whinny and he looked up to see one of the Brandybucks approaching the Smials. The Hobbit was riding a pony and had Raven on a rope. This meant that Merry was home.

     "Thain Peregrin!" the Hobbit called out when he saw Pippin. "Your things have arrived! And your pony."

     "Diamond, I'll see you later" Pippin said and hurried over to the rider, reaching the stables at the same time.

     Diamond looked at Pippin with sad eyes and stood as frozen for a minute. She had hoped he would be home to stay, but she now knew that he would never be home for good. She would always have to live with the knowledge that he could up and away within only a few weeks notice and be gone for a year or more at a time. He was a knight of Gondor, guard of the citadel, serving under Elessar King and Steward Faramir, bound to them by a promise he had made long ago, before he had a wife and a child, a promise made to repay a debt Diamond knew nothing about. But even if he had never sworn his service to Gondor he would still be leaving every once in a while. He had friends he needed to see. Diamond hated having to share him with Merry, she hated even more having to share him with people he hadn't even seen in years. How could he still be so bound to them?

     She sighed and slowly walked back inside. She could only hope he would be home for at least a year or two before he left again. She looked out the window and saw him lift a giant pack of Raven's back. At least this time he was unpacking.

Pippin lifted the last pack from the pony's back and looked up at the Hobbit still holding the rope tied to the halter.

     "So the Master's back?" he asked, knowing very well that if the Master wasn't back Raven wouldn't be back either.

     "He's back…" the other Hobbit said. "He came with the rainbow. I thought Madam Estella would faint, he came riding on the Ice Queen! I mean…" The Hobbit slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed over having used the nickname in front of the Thain.

     "She's not an ice queen anymore" Pippin said. "He rode her all the way to Rohan and back. Though she would never let me ride her."

     "If I were you, Thain, I'd be glad" the Hobbit said.

     "Go back to Brandy Hall with you" Pippin said and took Raven's rope. "Give the Master word from me, tell him all is well and I shall see him before long."

     "He gave me word to you as well" the Hobbit said. "To tell you that all was well and you would see each other soon. We'll meet again at Brandy Hall, Thain!"

     "Bye now" Pippin said and led Raven to the pastures.

That night Pippin couldn't sleep. Diamond was fast asleep next to him, but for months now Pippin had slept alone. He was always most comfortable without someone sleeping next to him, he wanted his sleeping space. The first night back had been an exception, he hadn't wanted to let Diamond out of his grasp, but now his mind was troubled and he needed space.

     He carefully got out of bed and quietly put some clothes on. The room was dark but he didn't light any candles. He still knew every inch of the room even though it had been several months, and he could easily move around without any light.

     He stopped at the door and looked at Diamond for a second. She had been very upset all afternoon, until Pippin had shown her and Faramir what he had brought from Gondor. He had a pack full of presents, gifts from him and from his friends, and it seemed as if Diamond had liked his friends from far away a bit more. They had sent great gifts to her and Faramir, and Legolas and Gimli had sent message that they hoped to meet Pippin's family sometime.

     Flung over a chair were three Gondorian dresses which Pippin had had sown up in Diamond's size, one green, one red and one white. They were his gifts to her, along with some cooking gear which Rohirric craftsmen had carved beautiful patterns into. Resting on her nightstand were two beautiful bracelets made by Gimli, which he had sent together with a hair band made by Legolas. The Lady Éowyn had given Diamond a cup which Lord Faramir had drank from as a child, the cup was perfect size for a Hobbit and Éowyn had thought Diamond might enjoy owning something which had belonged to the man her son was named after.

     Faramir had received lots of toys carved by Rohirric- and Gondorian craftsmen, and a ring made by Gimli. Legolas had sent an Elvish flute of his own making, and Pippin had brought his son assorted knickknacks he knew would please the child. Lord Faramir had sent several gifts as well to his namesake. Pippin's sister Pearl, who still lived at the Smials, had sighed and said she had never seen so much mathoms in one place, though Pippin had known she was in secret jealous that she didn't get any gifts.

     Flung over Pippin and Diamond's bed was a quilt, so soft that one barely felt that it touched you at all. It was a gift from Aragorn and Arwen, woven by Arwen herself. Pippin felt pain in his heart knowing how long it would be before he would see his dearest friends again. At this moment he felt lonely, even though he was back at home where he had longed so much to be. For a year he had been surrounded by friends day and night, there had always been a member of the fellowship near him and he had always felt content. Now he felt lonely. There was something about the fellowship members which made them able to chase away any loneliness he felt.

     Overcome with a sense of depression that he couldn't explain he walked through the halls of the Smials, feeling like he belonged nowhere. When he had been away he had longed for the Smials, at the Smials he longed for Gondor. He felt uprooted, he had no home. He had felt the same way all those years ago when he had returned from the War, but then Merry and he had settled at Crickhollow and it had become their home. Now Crickhollow was merely a distant memory of the best Shire days in Pippin's life, not even Fatty stayed there anymore since he knew the Masters of the house would not come back for summer. What had once been a warm home was now a cold, empty house filled with dust and above all memory.

     Stepping outside into the chilly, drizzly night he pulled his cape around him. He hadn't even noticed putting it on, but it was such a habit to him since his journey. Arwen had sowed his brooch back on and now nothing could tug it loose save for the kind of necessity which had once torn it from it's place in the past. Clad in his normal Shire clothing Pippin missed his Gondorian armor, and his travel clothes. Diamond had burned them, she claimed nothing could get the dirt out of them, and perhaps she was right. But Pippin longed to put them on.

     What was wrong with him? He was back home, he had his wife and his son, what more could he want? But he knew that family life was not for him, not in the way it could have been. There would always be a part of him that longed for more. Such a fool of a Took he was.

     The year he had spent away from the Shire as a youngster had made him grow from boy to man, it had shaped who he had become and his entire life. He would never be the Hobbit that had left Bag End on September 23rd so many years ago, but he had spent nearly two decades of his life trying to pretend that he could. The year in the East with Merry had proven him wrong. He could not escape it, he would always be Peregrin, Knight of Gondor and member of the Fellowship of the Ring. It was a strange thought that one year could be impossible to forget or move on from even in two decades time.

     He longed for Merry, longed for the comfort of his dear cousin. But more than that, in this moment he longed for Sam. Of the people he cherished from his journey, only Sam and Merry were within his reach, and he had not seen Sam in more than a year. He wished to see him, hear his voice and share memories with him. It would be lovely to sit down with Sam by the fireplace at Bag End, a pint of the Gaffer's old brew in one hand, talking about dear memories until the fire died out. But that was not to be, not this night. He wouldn't get to Bag End until morning, and even if he did ride out now he would be too tired when he arrived. Sam would lecture him on his irrational behavior and the reunion wouldn't be very pleasant. Not to mention Diamond would be furious with him for leaving in the middle of the night.

     The days when Pippin could up and leave at heart's will were long over. He was bound now by love, he had forsaken his freedom to come and go as he pleased to marry the lass dearest to his heart. Sometimes he longed for his old freedom, even if he wouldn't forsake Diamond or Faramir for it. It was all part of growing older and accepting responsibilities, young people could come and go as they wished but as they grew older they got more duties which tied them down. It was the way of life, the energy of youth was gifted to those who were still in that phase of life where they could enjoy it. Only Pippin felt like that energy had not yet left him.

     He walked up to the pastures and whistled softly. Raven came walking up to him and Pippin placed a hand on the pony's muzzle. It felt bittersweet to stand here with the pony who had gone with him to Rohan and Gondor and been a companion on the journey.

     "Will the memories never give me any peace, Raven?" he asked the pony. "Am I bound to always look back in sorrow of the days I no longer have? Those days now in the past… The best of all the years have gone by, why can't I accept it?"

     The pony snorted and puffed his master. Pippin leaned closer to the beast who had once been Merry's favorite pony, comforted by the animal. Perhaps he should just jump up on Raven's back, ride to Brandy Hall and talk to Merry. And then ride back again at daybreak, just in time for Diamond to get up, so that she wouldn't worry from finding him gone.

     "No, I can't…" he told the pony. "Merry's asleep. And I don't want to bother him with my demons right now. If he's doing all right then I should let him be. I think this is how he felt before we left, Raven. For him the journey cured his longing for a time, for me it gave new fuel to the fire. A fire that I thought was slumbering… I had thought the once burning fire was now only an ember… Fool of a Took, I know. Some fires cannot be put out, no matter how much time passes. When I was young I used to talk a lot about _forever, and my father would tell me that __forever is such a long time. And time always changes things. But __forever isn't long enough to put out the fire that is my longing for my friends. Just as I know that Legolas won't forget us, even though he will live until the end of time, I know that I will love my friends as long as I live. And there will be no cure for the longing save for seeing them." He paused for a few minutes. "But I still have the Shire. I have my office and I have a son, a son I love more than the earth and sky, and he is going to take over after me someday. I have to prepare him, have to raise him, and I'll raise him to be a good Thain. And I have his mother, who has got a piece of my heart and every day parted from her that part of my heart aches. I am torn Raven, there are two worlds but only one of me. What should I do?"_

     Raven offered no answer. There were no answers. It was his destiny to always stand between two lives, that was his deepest scar from the War. He had heard it said that those who returned from war without physical scars were those whose scars were the deepest and hardest to cure. And their wounds did not show on the surface, they were hidden but very real. For twenty years they had cast a shadow over Pippin's life, and they would continue to do so forever. Time could not change that.

     "Thank you for listening Raven" Pippin said and patted the pony. "You've been a real good sport. Tomorrow I shall ride to Sam and talk memories until my throat goes dry! And then I shall try my best to give Diamond as much of me as possible. She deserves more than half a husband. While I'm in the Shire I owe it to her to give her all of me, for when I go to Gondor it is all of me that I take with me. All save for the part of my heart which belongs to her, and the part of me which lives in my son."

Earlier on the day before Pippin had walked with Diamond around the Smials, an unusually tall Hobbit had arrived through the Main Gates of Buckland, riding a horse which was known as impossible to tame and with another pony carrying a lot of packing, led by a rope.

     Merry was let through the Gates, even though the gatekeeper at first had been hesitant. The Master had always been tall, but the person arriving at the gates was taller than the Master had been. The pony carrying the person, the infamous Snow White, stood calmly and waited while the gatekeeper talked with her rider, though the Master had tried for years to tame this pony with little progress. The rain was falling and the figure on the untamable horse was wrapped in a cloak and the hood darkened the face making it difficult to see the features of the face. He was chillingly similar to the Black Riders who had once terrorized the world. The gatekeeper had first wondered if it was an attempt to trick him, that someone had stolen the Master's horses and now disguised himself to get into the Shire.

     But he had been told when he had arrived earlier in the morning that Thain Peregrin had past through the gates in a hurry late last night, and if the Thain had come home the Master was sure to follow within hours. Finally the figure on the pony had spoken, growing weary of the gatekeeper's suspicious eyes.

     "What are you just standing there for? The rain is chilly, I do not long to be out in this weather anymore than you do, and neither do the ponies! Let me through! Don't you recognize your own Master Magnifico?"

     "The Master never refers to himself that way" the gatekeeper pointed out.

     "He just did" came the reply. "Now let me through you foolish Hobbit, or I shall have a pneumonia by the time I get home!"

     "You're too tall" the gatekeeper said. "And that pony can't be tamed!"

     "Obviously it can" Merry replied. "And when I first came back from the East I was taller than when I left, why is it so difficult to believe that I could grow taller once more after a visit to the East? I am Meriadoc Brandybuck, son of Saradoc Scattergold, and though I appreciate your careful guard over who gets let in and who does not I am also very wet and cold. Ride back with me to Brandy Hall if you must, let my wife and children identify me for you if you do not trust your own eyes, but let me through now or you will be demoted to cleaning the pig sty."

     Finally the gatekeeper let him through and Merry continued toward Brandy Hall. After a few minutes the rain stopped and the sun came through the clouds. Merry pulled back his hood and smiled at the sight of a rainbow welcoming him home. He was close now, soon he would be back home. Pippin hadn't been able to wait, and right now Merry didn't want to wait either. Home never seemed further away then when it was just beyond reach.

     As he got closer to Brandy Hall he noticed a small figure running on the meadows, head in the sky, trying to catch up to the rainbow and find where it touched ground. A huge smile appeared on Merry's face.

     "Oh, Lucky!"

     The child stopped when he heard his name and looked up at the tall figure on the horse. A wrinkle appeared on his forehead but after a few seconds he turned his frown upside down and ran over to the pony and rider. Merry swung from Snow White's back and lifted his youngest son up for a hug.

     "Lucimac… How dear it is to see your face!"

     "Good afternoon, father!"

     Merry laughed and lifted the boy up on the saddle, in front of where Merry himself would sit. He was surprised that the boy had recognized him, he had only been three years old when his father had left. Merry could see that the child had grown during the year that had passed. It was good to be home.

"Éowyn mind your sowing!" Estella exhorted with a glance at her daughter. Éowyn was never going to finish her quilt if she kept looking out the window more than at her sowing. "You must learn to mend and sow, you have been avoiding it for years. Now keep your eyes on your sowing and away from the window."

     "Mother I can see…" Éowyn began and squinted her eyes. "I can see something!"

     "If it's your brother chasing the rainbow then send Théo to get him! He's going to catch another cold going on this way!"

     "A pony and rider… Two riders! And two ponies!" Éowyn squinted more and tried to see who was coming. Then she threw her sowing to the floor and ran off.

     "Éowyn!" Estella exclaimed. "What in the world?"

     "Father's home!" Éowyn cried and hurried towards the door.

     Estella rushed over to the window and looked out. With a gasp she dropped her own sowing and then followed Éowyn.

     Outside, Merry had just gotten off Snow White's back when the round front door of Brandy Hall flung open and Éowyn came rushing out. She cried out for her father and with a laugh he opened his arms to hug her. Éowyn nearly knocked him to the ground with the force in her hug, she was thrilled that he was finally home again. She had missed him terribly, probably more than anyone else had, even her mother.

     Merry looked up and saw Estella standing in the doorway, with Aramac and Théodoc next to her. The lads had heard Éowyn's cries and rushed to the door, but neither made a move as long as their mother stood as frozen. Merry gently let go of Éowyn and smiled nervously at Estella.

     "Madam Brandybuck!" he said. "Lady Holdwine! Do you not have a hug and a kiss to greet me?"

     "What is Lucky doing on the back of that pony?" Estella said, eyes wide with shock.

     "She's tame now, I tamed her" Lucky said, happily taking the credit for the pony's behavior. Unbeknownst to him, the people around who overheard thought he was telling the truth and that he actually had tamed the wild pony. His comment that morning set of a chain of rumors and events which would lead to the later claim that Lucky Brandybuck was magical.

     "It's all right Estella" Merry said and lifted Lucky, who protested, from the pony's back. "Snowy carried me to Edoras and back. She's a whole different pony. Now where is that hug and kiss, pray?"

     Slowly Estella stepped down to the path leading up to the door, and even more slowly she approached Merry. For a minute she looked at him as if determining whether or not it was actually him, then the two embraced and shared a passionate kiss.

     "You're home" Estella whispered with tears in her eyes. "You're home!"

"Have another ale, Fatty!" Merry said at the inn two weeks later. "On me!"

     Fatty happily accepted and began working on his third tankard for the evening. He had met up with Merry and Pippin at the inn earlier in the evening to celebrate that the two travelers were back home.

     "I think you owe him more than just a half-pint of ale for taking care of Buckland for a year" Pippin said. "Order us some pie!"

     "I'll order Fatty a pie" Merry said and laughed.

     After the first commotion had settled when they had reached the inn, the three friends had retreated to a quiet booth in a corner. It was the perfect place to talk without having to share the conversation with the entire room.

     "It is good to be home" Pippin said with feeling and took another sip of ale. "Gosh, I have missed Dimesy and Faramir so much that I think I almost went mad."

     "Take it from me, you did go mad" Merry grinned. "Those last few days before we got home I thought you would throw a fit! Though I must agree with you cousin, it is absolutely great to be home. To see wife and children again. The smallest ones have grown so much! I couldn't believe my eyes!"

     "The two of you have grown as well" Fatty remarked.

     "Here, here! To the Entwash!" Pippin said and clinked his tankard with Merry's. Then he frowned slightly and looked at Fatty. "Hey Fredegar, you've never married, don't you miss it? Having a wife and children, I mean."

     "No" Fatty said. "I am past my prime, I shan't marry."

     "Now don't say that" Merry said.

     "I don't want to marry either" Fatty said. "It's not for me, anyhow."

     "But don't you miss it?" Pippin asked, not understanding how anyone could say no to a family of their own. "Don't you long for a wife to love you, and children?"

     "How can I miss what I've never known?" Fatty asked. "What I've never **longed** to know! I see Hobbits in love and how they act ridiculous and sometimes forget all about things that used to matter to them. All they care about is their beau. I don't want that to happen to me. And how can I miss a loving wife when I've never had one? I've never known the pleasures of the marital bed and I won't have to compromise with someone about everything."

     "But what about children?" Pippin asked, with eyes that were by now big as plates.

     "But I have children" Fatty said. "Six little Hobbits who are related to me by blood. I've followed my nieces and nephews from first smile and will continue to follow them until they're grown."

     "But that's not the same" Pippin said. "They're not yours, only your sister's. Hers and Merry's. It's not the same. I love those children as if they were my own, but there's still something special about Faramir."

     "Don't you miss being a **father**?" Merry asked. "To look at a child and see yourself in him or her? To hear them call you father?"

     "No" Fatty said, and looked away. He didn't want to tell Merry that Lúthien had called him 'dada' during the past year. "I don't miss it. The way I see it, I get all of the great things but none of the bad things. I don't have to take responsibility for their well-being like you do, and I don't have to tell them off when they've been bad. Nor do I have to sit with them when they're ill or put them to bed when they're kicking and screaming."

     "… But you'll never be their dada" Pippin said.

     Fatty drank his ale and avoided to answer or to look at his brother-in-law. Pippin and Merry shared a look and then shrugged their shoulders. They felt sorry for Fatty who didn't know what he was missing out on, but if he didn't wish to marry then that was up to him.

Late that evening Merry and Pippin rode home together, slowly crossing the plains of Buckland. They had taken a detour and were headed for one of their favorite spots, a hill which overlooked the Brandywine. They rode in silence for a while, both feeling a little tipsy and hoping that the unusually cool summer air would clear their heads a bit.

     "Have you realized…" Pippin said after a while. "It has been two weeks since we've seen each other. And we've been just fine."

     "Hm?" Merry said and looked up. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. What did you say?"

     "I wonder why Fatty doesn't want to take a wife" Pippin said, moving on to the next subject. "How can anyone say no to that?"

     "It's not for everyone" Merry said. "Some see love and marriage as a prison. Others simply don't have the ability to love. Fatty has chosen not to marry and we can only accept it."

     "But he will be awfully lonely when he gets older."

     "He'll have his friends" Merry said. "Perhaps for him that's enough. In any case, it is wiser not to marry at all than to settle for less than love."

     "I hope Faramir will marry…" Pippin said.

     "Faramir will have to. He has to carry on your bloodline."

     "Sounds like a heavy responsibility" Pippin said.

     "The same as you once had" Merry pointed out. "And I."

     "I hope he'll marry Éowyn" Pippin said. "My Faramir and your Éowyn. They would make a lovely match."

     "Indeed they would" Merry agreed.

     "It is so good to be home" Pippin sighed. "And to know right now that I am riding home to a wife's loving arms. Dimesy and I have been like newlyweds since my return." He blushed. "It has been very nice indeed."

     "I'm happy for you, Pip" Merry said.

     Merry's return hadn't been quite so romantic. It hadn't been at all what he had expected. He and Estella hadn't gotten to be alone at all for three days, as Éowyn had insisted on sleeping in their bed to be near her father. When they finally had the third night to themselves Lúthien had walked in on them and screamed at the top of her lungs, thinking that her mother was being hurt. Estella had sat with her for a long time and calmed her down, but Merry had painfully realized that his youngest child had forgotten him. Lúthien didn't remember her father, she had only been fifteen months old when he had left, and now she was afraid of him. He was tall, strong and a huge authority figure and in Lúthien's eyes he was frightening.

     Nearly a week after his return Merry and Estella had finally gotten to spend a night together with no interruptions, but the next morning Lucky had woken up with a cold which demanded Estella's full attention. It had been two strange weeks, and Merry was glad that they were behind him. Things had finally started to calm down at Brandy Hall, people weren't fussing about him as much anymore and he had finally managed to sort out the worst of the mess created by Fatty in his absence. Luckily Sam had sorted out most of it while Merry was still gone, but all of the papers and documents were in one big mess and it had taken hours to sort everything out.

     They reached the hilltop and halted their beasts. The sun was setting and the Brandywine was reflecting the reds and yellows and pinks of the setting sun. The trees were leafy and some still in bloom, the grass was green and the evening fair. It was a perfect night in the Shire.

     "Do you recall the sun setting over Ithilien?" Merry asked.

     "Aye. It's been less than six months."

     "I used to think I would never lay eyes upon a fairer sunset than that of the sun setting over this hilltop in spring and summer. But that was the past of an ignorant youth."

     "Once you've seen the world from the citadel of Minas Tirith or the lands of Ithilien it's never quite the same, is it?" Pippin said and sighed deeply. "Oh how I long to walk those lands again. But we must stay here now, at least for a few years. I thought I was going to go mad the day after my return, the Shire seems so small compared to the lands in the south. I was going to visit Sam and talk memories until my throat went dry, but I didn't. Now I wish I had."

     "Mayhaps it is you and I who should never have married, and not Fatty" Merry said. "For we belong to Gondor and Rohan as much as to the Shire. What are we offering our wives, Peregrin? A few years with us, then long times apart?"

     "It is better to give them all we can when we can" Pippin said. "For they would rather share half our upcoming years with us than spend all of someone else's upcoming years with that person. Love works that way, and love demands so little and so much. It is a need which will never go away, yet it takes nearly nothing to satisfy that need. So let's satisfy it while we can, and believe in love that survives all time and distance while we're apart."

     "Wise words" Merry said. "Let us hope they're easy live by."

     "They're not. But the price is worth paying."

     "Always torn between two needs…" Merry sighed. "Wife and family on one hand… Éowyn and Rohan on the other. What do you say Pip, should we move to the south with our families? Make it easier."

     "That's not something to even jest about, it only makes the longing to do so worse" Pippin said. "You and I both know that the lands of men aren't for our wives. Nor our children."

     "I shouldn't worry about my friendship with Éowyn" Merry said. "I know for sure now that it can outlast any time and distance. Life is brief for man and Hobbit, yet when it is spent friendship will continue to live forever."

     "The very special friendships do" Pippin said softly.

     "It's a good thing we're carefree Hobbits" Merry said. "Able to put sadness aside and smile. Life has not been the same for us since the War, and it never will be. Not ever will it be the same again. We just have to live as Hobbits as much as we can. Do you remember what Frodo Baggins said? That the Shire had been saved, but not for all? At the time I thought he meant for all but him, but we all saved it for all but ourselves. Neither you nor me can be completely happy in the Shire."

     "Let's go south again" Pippin said. "Not this year but next! Let us spend every other year in Gondor and Rohan!"

     "No" Merry said. "We can't."

     They both sat in silence for a while and watched the sun shine it's final minutes of the day. The evening seemed chillier now.

     "Two weeks…" Pippin mused. "Two weeks apart and I haven't felt compelled to ride and see you. Strange it is, once I couldn't go by a day without wanting to see you."

     Merry nodded slowly. It was indeed strange. His friendship with Éowyn was strong and ever in bloom, though sixteen years had parted them before. Now the friendship which he who had always been within his reach seemed to have outrun its course.

     "We've grown apart" he mumbled quietly to himself as the sun disappeared from sight, quiet enough that Pippin wouldn't hear.

     But Pippin did hear. And all the world seemed to have gone dark at that moment. He looked at his cousin with fear like a lump in his throat. Had Merry meant what he said? Suddenly Pippin felt he was shuddering, and not even the cape around his shoulders could warm him.

I'm going back to college mayhem, so I don't know when the next chapter will be up. It's written, but I think I've screwed up my timeline a bit and I need to sort it out and possibly re-write half! But stay tuned, and please keep reviewing… =)


	14. 1442

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Author's Note: After doing some sorting-outing on my dates and figures I found that this chapter didn't need much changing and rewriting at all! Yay! An uneven chapter with some blah parts and some more important ones.

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Disclaimer: Most characters and past events belong to JRR Tolkien.

"Frodo Gamgee is here to see you, Master" a voice said and interrupted Merry's work. Merry looked up.

"Frodo Gamgee?" Merry said and put his pen down by the stack of papers in front of him. "Excellent! Send him in!"

"Aye, sir."

The Hobbit bowed and opened the door wider for Sam's oldest son. Merry smiled at the lad and rose from his chair to greet him. He knew why Frodo had come, Estella had been at Bag End for a week to midwife Rosie's thirteenth child. The child had now made his or her entrance in the world, and Merry was glad. Now Estella could come home.

"Come in, Frodo lad!" he said and gestured toward an armchair. "Have a seat. Your father sent you, did he? Everything went well I hope."

"No, everything did not go well" Frodo said rambling. "And it was not dad who sent me. It was Madam Estella."

"Why Estella?" Merry said and frowned.

"I don't know much…" Frodo said nervously. "All I know is that a long time has gone by and still the child hasn't been born. Estella told me to ride as fast as I could. They need your assistance." Frodo nervously swallowed. "My mother needs your help."

"Then rush down to the stables, have them fetch Stybba from his pastures. I shall get some of my things and ride at once."

Frodo nodded and hurried out. Merry grabbed his medicine bag and made sure he had every herb he might need in it. Rose was no young lass, Merry hoped there wasn't anything serious wrong with the delivery. It was probably hard enough as it was. He hurried out and ignored the saddled pony offered to him by a stable boy who thought Frodo had been confused when he told him to fetch the Master's favorite pony. Instead Merry rode off on the otherwise retired Stybba, using neither reins nor saddle. His swift pony carried him to Bag End twice as fast as Frodo could ride, Merry only hoped it would be fast enough.

Estella glanced at the clock on the wall for the hundredth time and wondered how much longer Merry would be. Time was running out. It was late in the evening, a very cold January day, Estella felt she hadn't seen the sun in weeks. She had almost forgotten what it looked like. While waiting for Merry she tried to help Rosie in whatever way she could, but there was little she could do for her now. She knew Rose needed aid, and she needed it fast. She had needed it for too long already. If only help would come. If it didn't come soon, there would be no need for it once it came. It would already be too late.

Suddenly the door flung open and Merry entered, carrying his medicine bag in one hand and getting his coat off with the other, handing it to Merry Gamgee. His cheeks were red with the cold outside, his hair a mess from the fast ride, but even though he looked affright he was the best sight Estella had seen in ages.

"Elanor, get me some hot water and some towels" Merry commanded. "Estella, you let me know what the situation is."

Elanor quickly obeyed and ran off, Merry kneeled by Rose's bedside and lay a cool hand on her burning forehead. Rose was soaking with sweat, breathing heavily and had a tormented look on her face. When she felt Merry's cool hand she opened her eyes slightly. Merry could see that she was almost out of strength.

"Estella, fill me in" Merry repeated.

"Things looked bad even from the start" Estella said. "It just took so long, and Rose was weak even from the beginning. And then it was as if it just stopped, the pain still comes but nothing happens. It's been this way for a long time now. The birth started four days ago."

"Four days!" Merry exclaimed. "My lord, you should have had me here **three** days ago then! Let us pray you weren't too late!"

A faint sound came from Rose, who was too tired to even cry from the pain. Merry grabbed a cloth and wiped her sweaty forehead.

"Don't try to talk" he said. "Save your strength. You're going to need it. **I'm** going to need it. I need you to birth this baby with me, I cannot do it alone."

"I can't do this" Rose whispered and her eyes filled with tears. Merry had never seen such tortured eyes before.

"You can and you will" Merry said. "There is still a chance Rosie. At least you're not bleeding very badly. I'm going to make you a brew which will give you strength and easen the pain. Try to stay awake, Rose. It will all be over soon."

Soon turned out to be another five hours away. Early in the morning five days after her birth had begun, Rose could finally see and end to her odyssey. Merry had lifted her up so that she was standing on her knees, but she was too weak to maintain that position so she leaned back completely on Estella who was standing on her knees behind her. With each contraction Merry had Estella push Rosie's belly so that the child moved downward, and as soon as he could Merry grabbed the baby and pulled from the other direction. The room was completely silent except for Rose's heavy breaths. She was barely aware of what was going on, her whole world was just one big torture chamber and she felt she had lived in this pain forever. Merry was far more worried than he dared to let on, he had never seen anyone so weak in this state before. She barely had the strength to open her eyes or clench her fists, even though she tried to the best of her ability it was Merry and Estella who made the baby move toward the world outside. Rose let them do whatever they wanted to with her and when she was finally freed from the baby her body went limp and she fainted in Estella's arms.

Now that it was finally over Estella began shaking like a leaf, seeking comfort in Merry's presence. He was an even bigger mess by now, but she found everything about him wonderful. He had come through for them. She wanted to tell him how amazing he was and how much she loved him, but now was not the right time. He was cradling the baby and examining it. Then he put the baby down beside him and concentrating on getting the placenta out. Estella frowned in confusion.

"Don't put the baby down like that! What are you doing?"

"Quiet! Help me."

She obediently helped him free the unaware Rose of the last part of the delivery while it slowly dawned on her what was going on. He had said 'quiet', and that was exactly what the room was. Everything had gone silent when the baby was born. There was no sound, save from their own breaths.

"Why is the baby not crying?" Estella asked firmly, shaking even worse.

"Keep her steady. Put Rose down gently, we need to do everything we can to prevent her from bleeding to death."

"Why is the baby not breathing?" Estella repeated, nearly shouting.

"Because it's a stillbirth."

Sam was asleep when Merry left Rose's side an hour later. He had tried to stay awake the first night, but when days had gone by he had given up and realized he didn't help Rose by not sleeping. He was still wearing his clothes and when Merry woke him up he flew to his feet and hurried off to get them both something to drink. Merry slowly followed, wondering where he would find the strength to have this conversation with Samwise.

"I can never thank you enough" Sam said and began pouring some wine into two glasses. "I hope you know that."

"Do you have a name picked out?" Merry asked.

"Daffodil, if a girl. Tolman if a boy. But we would call him Tom."

"Sam… You should have sent for me days ago."

"I know."

"If you had sent for me, Tom might have lived."

"Might have lived?" Sam echoed and looked up.

"I am so sorry Sam. But he was stillborn. It took too long, he got no oxygen. He was probably dead days ago."

Sam didn't say anything. Slowly the news, which he had half expected, sunk in. He looked completely lost and swallowed hard several times. He lifted one of the glasses of wine to drink but shook so much that he spilled half on the floor.

"I am so sorry Sam" Merry said. "And at the same time I must tell you how fortunate you are, friend."

"Fortunate?" Sam said, with anger and disbelief in his voice, slamming the glass back down on the tray. "How can anyone be called fortunate to have a stillborn child? You do not know the pain, that horrible pain of having one of your children die! You are the fortunate one, you who never even came close to feeling this sort of pain!"

"I almost lost my Lucky" Merry reminded him. "Trust me, I know how it feels. But losing children is not what this is about right now. What my words meant is that you'll be fortunate if all you lose is your lastborn."

"How can you say that?"

"Dear Sam… It is not only the child whose life has been at stake. Rose's life hangs by a thread. Be fortunate if you do not lose her as well."

"Rosie?" Sam said, looking almost confused. "There's nothing wrong with Rosie. She's had babies before, there's never been a problem!" His voice was getting more and more desperate. "No, Rosie is fine!"

"Sam…" Merry said gently. "She has lost a lot of blood. She is weak." His voice went from gentle to firm, almost hard. "She should never have had this child to begin with."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying…" Merry stepped closer to his friend. "If she lives through this it is nearly a miracle. A miracle which will never happen again. Do you understand? The next birth will be her death, if not this one."

"But…"

"No buts" Merry said. "You must listen to me now. Never again must you make her with child! The fate of your wife, if she survives these upcoming days, will be all your concern. Her life is in your hands and yours alone, should she live through the next couple of days."

"My Rosie has had thirteen children" Sam said and glared at his friend. "Thirteen! And each and every time it has gone well, until today. Just as well as those first twelve children shall it go the next time."

"There can't **be** a next time" Merry said. "Aren't you satisfied with eleven living children? What more could you possibly ask for? She is **dying** in there, Samwise! I have done all that is in my power but I do not know that it is enough! Do you really want to put her through what she is going through now once more?"

"Once in thirteen" Sam said. "There's a chance on one to twelve that it won't happen the next time around."

"It **will** happen the next time" Merry said. "She is not young anymore, Sam. Her body hasn't gotten any rest for over 20 years! Every child that is born puts a strain on its mother, and Rose cannot take anymore. Do you understand? I mean what I say. She will not survive another birth! If she survives this one you will have to care for her, tend to her well. She mustn't do any hard chores, get a lot of rest each day and eat good food. I hear from my own love that Rose has not felt well for years now. If she's not carrying another baby in her womb she's carrying one in her arms. Often both at the same time. Sam she is close to falling apart."

"Who are you to come here and exhort me?" Sam angrily asked. The long days of worry and the lack of sleep had clouded his judgment, and he could not believe that he had a stillborn child, a possibly dying wife and lots of blame suddenly put on his shoulders. "Do you think you can just come here and lecture me? Do you think I cannot care for my own wife? Wouldn't I know it if she were weary?"

"She wished for Hamfast to be her last child" Merry said. "Did you know that? Whenever she visits the Hall without you she hands the children she brings over to Estella and just sleeps through the days, did you know that? She feels she does not know more than half of her children since she has no time to spend with them, did you know that?"

"Quiet!" Sam cried. "You do not know my wife better than I do! And do you know what you are asking me to give up?"

"I am asking you **not** to give up your wife" Merry said.

"You are asking me to give up all that we have together now" Sam said. "Our days are so busy that the only quality time we have together is behind closed doors."

"You and I both know what the reason for that is. Sam listen to me now. Is making love more important to you than Rose's life?"

"Of course not" Sam said in a small voice after a short pause. Suddenly he looked small and childlike instead of furious as he had seconds before. "Of course not."

"Then why can you not give it up? I know it is hard. But do it for Rosie… I think she really needs to know that you care more for her. I should not be telling you this. I should not even **know** this. But Estella told me tonight what Rose once told her in confidence. Something she has tried to hide for years. Rose finds no joy in intimacy anymore, for her all it means is that she will be laid down in her bed of pain once again. I think she really needs to know now that you see that and that you are willing to give intimacy up for her."

"Can I see her?" Sam asked.

"I have to see first what state she is currently in" Merry said, hesitating slightly. "And… I do not think she will be awake. I want her to sleep now and recover her strength. But I will go check up on her and when it is fitting for you to see her, I will let you in."

Without looking at Sam Merry headed for the door. Rose would have to be cleaned up before Sam could see her, but more importantly she had to be given something to make her sleep and to still the bleeding. She was too weak for Merry to be comfortable with it, though she wasn't doing any worse than he had expected. In truth he didn't expect her to survive.

"Merry!" Sam said as Merry was on his way out the door. "What I said… about never being able to thank you enough…"

"Yes?"

"I still mean it."

"I know you do."

An hour later Sam slowly stepped into the room where Rosie lay. Estella had removed all blood stained sheets and cleaned Rose up so that she looked more presentable. Then she had gone to bed, exhausted from several nights' wake.

"I will get my sleep while I can" Merry said to Sam. "If she gets worse, you wake me. If she wakes up, you wake me. When you leave her, you wake me. You mustn't go to sleep before you do, is that clear?"

"Yes" Sam said and sat down on the chair by Rosie's bedside. Afraid to even touch her he ever so carefully took her hand. She looked so pale and fragile. He heard the door close behind him as Merry left them.

For the longest time he held Rose's hand and watched her sleep. He wanted to think that she looked peaceful but the truth was that she didn't. She looked pained and troubled, and for the first time Sam saw what Estella had seen for years. He saw how weary Rose was, how worn out and spent. He had not wanted to see it before, he had closed his eyes to it. But he could not close them anymore. His heart filled with fear that she would die before she could wake up and he could tell her how sorry he was and how much he loved her. She had given him everything. She had given him his life back. Everything that was taken from him during his journey she had given him back. He was still a Hobbit thanks to her. He was not disillusioned, homesick for foreign lands or unable to let go of the past as Pippin and Merry were. Everything he was today was thanks to Rosie Cotton, who had agreed to be his wife.

"Oh Rose, I'm so sorry…" he said gently and hoped she could hear him. "I never meant for you to end up this way. I never meant for you to be so spent. I never meant for any of this. I love you Rose. I'm so sorry for everything. I promise you it all ends today. No more. No more children, okay? As long as you live…"

Rosie did not respond. She was deep in her sleep, sleeping hard on the brew Merry had with Estella's help gotten her to swallow. It was sleep that she very much needed, but it didn't comfort Sam. It was too scary to know that she might not wake up again.

"It is odd…" Sam said. "I've always been thankful that I'm not dependant on anyone. Masters Merry and Pippin depend far too much upon each other, and Merry on that White Lady of his. They need others to get by in their day. But not me. I don't depend on anyone that way. Days go by at a time without me thinking of Mister Frodo, the Lady is on Merry's mind always. I was able to move on but they live too much in the past and rely too much on others. I don't depend on anyone. Or so I thought. I see now that I depend on you." Tears began to fall down his cheeks. "For what am I to do if you should die? How am I to raise eleven children all by myself? I can see how the days would pass without you, with twelve dining at a table where there should have been thirteen. Fifteen. You have to stay with me, Rose! It isn't fair! You mustn't leave me now! What am I to do if the warmth and joy of this hole fades? Forgive me Rose. Stay with me. Please. You mustn't go to take care of Tolman, Ruby is looking after him now. I know she's only three, but she'll make a wonderful older sister. And your living children need you more. As do I. Stay."

Merry frowned. Something had woken him. He squinted in the still lit room and realized he had in his fatigue forgotten to snuff out the lights. Right now he didn't feel awake enough to make an effort to rise and blow the candles out. He shared a confused glance with Estella, who was also just awake. She was far more tired than he was, and yet for all her weariness there was something very awake in her eyes.

"How is Rose?" she asked.

"Asleep."

"Good."

She nodded slightly to herself. Rose needed every second of sleep she could get. So did Estella, but for now she was awake.

"Blessed that it be not you" Merry said with his voice nearly breaking with emotion. "And it never shall be. I will not let it happen."

"You cannot control all things, Master Meriadoc" Estella said. "Neither can your mighty friends. All you can do is pray that it won't happen."

"It **won't**" Merry said. "I will not have you in such pain. I will not wake by your side as you stand on the threshold between life and death."

"Come now" Estella said gently. "Don't talk of such things now. Be thankful for what you've got."

"I always am."

He clenched his fists in frustration over what had happened during the endless night, and what still lied ahead of them. He was both sorry for Sam and mad at him at the same time, and hated that he was so powerless. He would never in his life permit that Estella ended up like Rose was now, he would sooner see another war. He reached for Estella and sought to relieve his frustration with her. She complied even though she was weary, also in the need of relieving her frustrations that had been building up over the past days. They were both asleep again before their hearts had slowed down to their original paces.

Elanor, Rose and Goldilocks all shared looks around the table. Frodo, Merry and Pippin stared at their plates. Nobody said a word. The six oldest children were old enough to understand what was going on, the five younger were intimidated by the silence. And the father was too filled with guilt to have anything to say. All that was heard was the ticking of the clock.

All twelve members of the family jumped when the door was opened and Merry entered. The youngest sighed in relief that it was only uncle Merry, the older feared to ask what his reason for disturbing them during a meal was. They knew that if Rose Gamgee died, word would come through Merry Brandybuck.

"Sam" Merry said. "A word, old friend."

"Can I offer you anything to drink?" Goldilocks exclaimed and flew to her feet. She was only ten, but during the past few days she had been the madam of the house. Elanor had been with their mother and young Rose had taken care of the youngest children. The household had been Goldilocks'. Now she was willing to offer Merry anything under the sun that would delay him giving word of their mother's death.

"No thank you, Goldie" Merry said. "Sam?"

Goldilocks slowly sunk down and Sam rose just as slowly. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, then folded it neatly and placed it by his fork. Slowly he left the room and followed Merry to one of the bedrooms, where they could speak in private.

"It's Rosie, isn't it?" Sam asked before Merry could speak.

"Naturally" Merry said.

"She's dead."

"No, not quite. Not yet at any rate. She seems to be recovering. Though I dare not tell you she is out of the woods quite yet, Estella has managed to feed her some soup. That is a good sign. That means there's hope."

"Oh thank heavens" Sam said and smiled.

"Remember Samwise…" Merry said firmly. "She is only safe and sound for as long as you let her be."

"Pardon me?"

"Remember what we spoke about? I know this is hard for you, but you must say goodbye now to the pleasures you knew in her bed."

"Why do I have to do that?" Sam asked. "I know what you give your wife in secret. I know what tea she drinks. Why are you asking me to give up what you yourself will not?"

"Sam" Merry angrily said. "What is this now? What are you talking about?"

"That tea that you make her drink each morning, that prevents her from coming with child?" Sam said harshly. "You don't think I know of it? I know for a fact that although you wish not to have a seventh child by her you do not keep from her bed. Not even last night, when I came to wake you up, did you keep away!"

"Now wait just a minute!" Merry said. "First of all who are you to eavesdrop on me and my wife? I cannot believe you did that! And second of all I have kept from her! For a full year I did not touch her! Can't you show Rose that you care more for her well-being than for your pleasure? Is that so much to ask?"

"Ask it not of me when you do not ask if from yourself."

"I will never give Rosie any tea" Merry said firmly. "It is not in my hands. I am not her husband. I am not the one who has to prove to her what I value the most. You owe it to your wife to make that sacrifice!"

"Don't you go telling me what I owe and do not owe her! Speak not of things you know nothing about!"

"Do this for her" Merry said. "For crying out loud, Sam! It is her **life** we're speaking of! What has gotten into you?"

"You always think you're so much better than the rest of us" Sam snarled. "The wondrous Meriadoc Magnifico! Healer, mighty leader, always wise! You think you are superior to everybody else. Why? Because you're dear friends with some lady in a faraway land that nobody here has heard of or even cares about? Because you threw Sharkey out of the Shire? Which one of us was the one who followed Frodo every step of the way?"

"And who was the one who rode for ruin and the end of the world at the Pelennor?" Merry retorted. "Why do you drag the War into this? But if you insist then I shan't be any better than you! Who is the one who attacked a Nazgûl, might I ask? You didn't for Frodo! Who is the one who has already kept himself from his wife without her life being at risk? And who is the one who won't do it even at the cost of his wife's life?"

"I don't want to risk her life" Sam snarled. "But you and I both know that I don't have to even if I don't give up on her bed. You couldn't keep from Estella for more than a year, you expect me to keep from Rose for the rest of my life?"

"I would keep from Estella if her life depended on it" Merry said.

"No you wouldn't. You would give her that tea and keep all your goodies."

"You listen to me now Samwise and you listen good" Merry said and stepped closer, looming over his shorter friend with fury in his eyes. "No method is completely safe save for each night being chaste. That tea Estella drinks prevents pregnancy, yes, but it is not completely safe. She could be with child as we speak. Having a seventh child won't kill her unless bad fortune is out to get me. She could have another three without any problem. Rose can't. Rose will die if she has another one, do you understand me? Sure, I know ways to end a pregnancy which is risking to harm the mother, but that won't help Rosie."

"Only because you don't want it to."

"When did I ever wish bad things for you?" Merry asked. "I can terminate a pregnancy when the mother has a faint heart or is ill, or in other ways is at risk during a delivery. But believe me when I say, terminating a pregnancy will be fatal for Rose as well. She is broken inside. Another child would cause more things to break and bleedings which I do not have the power to stop. She would die, be sure of it. She can never again, not ever be put at risk of having another child. She will die if she becomes gravid again. I promise you that, I swear it on everything we once risked our lives for. Her next pregnancy will be her doom. Are you really willing to risk it? Are you willing to put her life at stake? Are you?"

"No" Sam said, and broke down crying. "No I'm not. I need her."

Merry pulled him close and hugged him as he wept. He didn't know what to say. He had never thought Sam would react the way that he had, he was taken completely off guard. Never would he have expected him to argue with him when it came to saving his wife's life. He only hoped Sam would stay as true to his word as he always had in the past.

"Swear it to me now… Swear that as long as your wife is still able to become with child, you shall not go to her bed. Swear."

"I swear" Sam wept. "I'm so sorry Mister Merry. I don't know why I lashed out at you this way. I just lost too many things at once. This was the one thing I could actually try to do something about. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too" Merry said. "You're forgiven Sam. And don't call me Mister."

Rose felt like she hadn't slept in years. In truth she had been asleep for most of five days. The past week was one dark cloud in her mind, one she couldn't see through and she couldn't escape. She knew by now that the baby was gone, and that she was supposed to be lucky that she wasn't gone as well. Yet all she could do was grieve, grieve over the baby that was lost, the baby who had been lost to them for three years, the days of her youth and strength which were gone forever. She remembered the first years, they had been the happiest of her life. She had loved her husband and her children, had been very proud of her growing family. But then somewhere along the road the children had become too many, the chores too heavy and the hours of the day too few. Now she was old, much older than her years, and she was ill.

Estella was by her side, tending to her all of her waking hours. When she slept, Sam was there instead. Merry came and went, always with a worried frown on his face and something for her to drink to heal her in one way or another. Once Pippin had visited her as well. She knew he had been at Bag End for a day, and given Sam a great tell-off over how ungrateful he was for not being content with eleven beautiful children. Pippin, who only had one of his own and knew of what he spoke. When Pippin had left, he had taken the six youngest children with him to the Smials. The five who were still at Bag End took care of all the chores and smothered their mother whenever Merry gave them a chance. There was nothing for Rosie to worry about, no chore that needed to be done and no child who needed to be taken care of. Yet she could not feel rested.

By her side Estella finished the meal Frodo had brought her and then washed her hands carefully. Her hands were as busy as always even though her body was unusually still. Rosie knew that she longed for her own home. She longed for her children and for her own halls, longed to have her husband to herself. Rose was a burden to her, she knew it. She hated being a burden but there was nothing she could do about it. She was bound to her bed, she would stay in it for days to come. It would be a long time before her strength was recovered.

"Oh Estella dear…" she said. "Look at you. Poor thing. I see in your eyes how you long for your daughters and sons. How you wish you could spend just a few hours all to yourself, caring for no one other! And here I lie, tying you to my side. Please, go home. Do not trouble yourself with me, you've done so much already."

"That's the silliest thing I have ever heard, Rose Gamgee" Estella said. "What kind of a friend would I be to leave you at this hour of need? I have seen you through this far, I can see you through till the end. I am going nowhere."

"I am sorry to be such a burden."

"Rose, for twenty-one years you have been burdened by others. Let someone take care of you now for a change."

"For as long as it lasts, in any case" Rose sighed. "I'll be back in the birthing bed by next year. You'll see."

"Do you not recall what you and Sam spoke of last night?" Estella said. "He swore to you there would be no more children."

"Did he?" Rose asked.

"Indeed he did. Your mind is confused at the moment. Rest love, and when you're rested you shall rise from your bed and devote yourself to loving the little ones you've got. They're all you've got now. You'll never have more."

Rose smiled slightly.

"How will I ever be able to thank you?"

"You lived" Estella said. "What better way to thank me is there?"

Rose nodded slightly. She wondered to herself if she really wanted to have survived. But she knew that thought was crazy. She had eleven children who needed her. And she had Sam. He needed her too. She could not die and leave them behind. She would have to rest and regain her strength, for Sam and for their children. And for herself.

Rose looked at ten children of her eleven with a lump in her throat and wondered if she was doing the right thing. Sam had insisted, and Pippin and Merry had backed him up. She needed to get away for a while, but more than that she needed healing. If she were to visit the Houses of Healing in Minas Tirith she could be healed by Elessar King and would most certainly feel much better afterward. But she hesitated.

Sam was on a pony next to her and young Merry was helping Elanor into her saddle. Elanor was to come with them on their journey, to tend to her mother and to serve the Lady Arwen as she had once sworn to do. The oldest of the Gamgee children was not very pleased with having to leave either, she preferred to stay in the Shire and not travel the roads her father had once walked. But her mother needed her and she had to go. All of her life she had been forced to be responsible and look after others, it was her destiny as the oldest of the children. They called her Elanor the Fair, there was no lass in Hobbiton who could compete with her looks, yet she had little benefits from it. She hardly ever had time to enjoy herself at parties, always looking after her younger siblings, and the thought of marriage was far from her mind. Rose couldn't help but feel that her daughter's youth and beauty was being wasted. It was an odd fate that the fairest of her children, the one whose beauty was only challenged by Éowyn of Buckland, would be the one always kept at home. Life was not fair. But nobody had ever said it would be.

Rose could hear Sam giving instructions to young Rose and Frodo, the oldest of the children staying at home. They were to obey Peregrin and Meriadoc at all times, the two would take turns in staying at Bag End with the children, but Rose and Frodo were also to look after household, garden and siblings. Sam's duties as mayor would be looked after by old Tolman, though Rosie cringed every time it was mentioned. Tolman had been the name chosen for the little one who never got to take his first breath. She also worried about the household, she wondered if it was a good idea to leave everything in the hands of two teenaged children.

"For the last time, madam Rose" Peregrin said, noticing the look on her face. "The children will be fine. Bag End will still be standing where you left it when you return. You've got nothing to worry about. Go and let Strider heal you!"

"I'm worried" Rose mumbled. "It's a long journey and unpredictable weather."

Pippin unclasped his cape and handed it to her.

"Here. Take my cape."

"Oh Thain, I couldn't!" Rose gasped. "This is your Elf cape!"

"It will protect you from unfriendly eyes and help keep you warm and dry" Pippin said. "You need it far better than I do. I want you to wear it on your journey."

"But it could get lost! Or torn!"

"Then so be it. At least it came to good use. Please. Take it."

Rose nodded slightly and accepted the cape without another word. Shivering she clasped the Elven brooch around her neck. She could feel how soft and warm the cape was. It didn't belong around her shoulders, it was meant for a fellowship member, but Pippin had already walked off and she couldn't return it now. She only wished she would be able to keep it safe.

"You have a safe journey now, Samwise" Merry said and gave Sam's pony a pat on the neck. "Give our love and letters to Strider and everyone else, you hear?"

"I'll give your love to Strider naturally, but I'd feel uncomfortable giving it to the Lady" Sam said and blushed.

"I thought she was merely some lady in a faraway land that nobody has heard of or even cares about" Merry said with a laugh.

"Now that's not nice of you, to use my words at upset times against me."

"Just tell her how much I long for her and that I shall hope to dine by her side within a year or two" Merry said with a smile. "You can handle that, can't you? Now off you go, while the sun is still shining. Follow the marked paths on the map and be sure to get extra provisions in Rivendell before you travel south!"

"All right, all right!" Sam said. "I've followed these roads before!"

"Twenty years ago. Be safe, now."

"And the best of luck to you and Pippin, keeping an eye on the younger Gamgees!"

"Sam, you needn't worry about a thing!" Pippin said. "After all, you're talking to a leader of Tooks. I'm used to having lots of crazy people running around in every direction, trying to keep an eye on all of them."

"That doesn't sound flattering" Sam objected with a frown.

"Bye now" Pippin said with a grin and gave Sam's pony a smack on the behind to make him charge.

"Will a year in Gondor make mother better?" young Rose asked Pippin and Merry as Sam, Rose and Elanor rode off.

"It will" Merry said. "Don't you worry about a thing."

"She is my mother" Rose pointed out. "I do worry."

Merry chuckled and Pippin shook his head with a smile.

"Young Rose… Strider has healed people far more sick than your mother. She will be just fine. I promise."

Watching Sam, Rose and Elanor ride off Merry shared a look with Pippin. What they wouldn't give to be riding to Gondor too. But it was not their turn. They would have to wait another few years. Sam had waited far too long already.

"I must congratulate you" Pippin said and gave Merry a pat on the back. "I hear you've finally looked your foal in the eye, the one you've been wishing for a ridiculously long time. Good things to those who wait, huh?"

"Yes, I finally have my foal" Merry said. "With Stybba as the father and Snowy as the mother it should be a very fine foal indeed. Snowmane is his name."

"How inventive" Pippin remarked. "When do I get to see the little miracle?"

"Go look at him now if you'd like" Merry said. "I have brews to cook, I cannot escort you, but you know the way to the stables."

"Of course I do" Pippin said with a grin. "I didn't half grow up here with nothing to show for it." Then he looked at his cousin with a frown. "Brew, huh? Lucky's still sick?"

"I don't even know how he caught the mumps" Merry sighed. "None of his brothers and sisters have had it!"

"Better hope it stays that way" Pippin said. "And we'd better hope none of the Gamgees catch it. Do you want me to stay at Bag End until Lucky is better?"

"Please" Merry said with a slight smile. "I'd hate to leave him now. I'd send Estella, after all she was their nanny once, but she won't leave Lucky either. Take care of your own before you take care of others'. So how are the little Gamgees doing?"

"Oh just fine" Pippin said. "Little Rosie is bossing everyone around, Goldilocks is trying to be the mistress of the house now that their mother is gone. Frodo has fled to the gardens, Merry to the stables and Pippin is trying his best to avoid his younger brothers. Meanwhile Ham and Bilbo are at each other's throats all the time and I think Daisy is trying to set a new record in losing baby teeth. And old Tom runs in every now and then to find some papers Sam has left someplace. His sense of order is not what it should be."

"A full house" Merry said. "I don't know how Sam does it, to be honest. Keeping track of six is work enough. Cordy runs off every chance he gets, Lucky follows and gets ill, and I think Éowyn is trying her best not to be of any help at all to her mother. Whenever she can she follows me. I wish she'd tell her brother to do so instead, Theo needs to learn what his future will be like. He will have responsibilities. He needs to be familiar with them as soon as possible. A future Master of the Hall cannot be as withdrawn from duties as he is."

"All in good time" Pippin said. "Let him be young while he still is."

"That's part of the problem, he really isn't. He rarely plays with his brothers, he never rides unless he's forced to, he never goes out hiking or does anything irresponsible whatsoever… All he does is keep to himself or follow Éowyn around."

"You were a bit serious as a youngster too" Pippin said. "Good thing you had me to spice up your life."

"While Théo is too calm, Cordy and Lucky are too wild" Merry complained with a sigh. "I'd wish he could share some of his calmness with them and they could in return give him some of their wildness. It would be more of a balance."

"Maybe so" Pippin said. "But balance can be boring. Me, I find it kind of amusing that my son is here and there and everywhere at all times. Just yesterday he rode to Bag End all by himself. Diamond of course was furious, that's why I'm here now actually, to return the runaway to the Smials. But he's a Took, all right."

"He would have to be to be your son, wouldn't he?" Merry said. "Just make sure he doesn't go into raiding crops or such nonsense."

"You mean the kind of things I always wanted to do but you always held me back from? That lad is sure to get into trouble sooner or later, but it's all part of growing up as a Took. Do you remember all the trouble you and I got ourselves into when we were younger?"

"You mean all the trouble **you** got us into" Merry said. "And it would have been a lot more if I hadn't kept an eye on you."

"Yet it wasn't my idea to leave the Shire" Pippin grinned.

"So how's the Smials?" Merry asked in an attempt to change the subject. "Still standing?"

"Oh yes, for now anyway. Pearl's husband is in charge, and I think he might be enjoying it a bit too much."

"I'm sorry, Pip. I'll go to Bag End as soon as I possibly can."

"I know you will" Pippin said. "To be quite honest, I don't mind being away from the Smials right now. Tabman and Lily, both of them Tooks, are to be married soon and it's driving me insane. You know, those conversations you're supposed to have with them before, of where they will live and what their expectations are and all that. The thing is, they've been snooping around each other for ages, I **know** they're in love, but they just can't seem to agree when we're talking! One wants to live at the Smials, the other wants a home of their own. One wants many children, the other wants two or three at the most. When last we met they were bickering over past flames, how silly is that? It's driving me crazy!"

"Well not everyone can be as firm-minded as you were" Merry laughed. "Poor Diamond, she never had anything to say about anything. Life would be at Crickhollow, children plentiful, and bad things to anyone who saw anything but joy in your future."

"I was not like that!" Pippin said with big eyes. "Was I?"

"Oh yes you were" Merry smiled. 

"No I wasn't!"

"You were" Merry insisted. "Now make yourself useful and grab that root over there."

"This one?" Pippin said and made an attempt to biting down on a root he found lying on the counter.

"Do not bite it! See that mortar? Use it!"

"So…" Pippin said and began to crush the root in a small container. "How does it feel to be sixty in a week? When you turned 50 you became Master of Buckland, what are your plans for your sixtieth year?"

"To find a way to keep you from talking so much" Merry said. He paused for a second. "Sixty years old, Pippin… Can you imagine?"

"No, I'm still only 52" Pippin grinned.

"When Frodo was your age we had just gotten back from our journey" Merry said. "When I look at my curls which I swear are starting to have gray strains, I cannot help but wish he could have shared some of that non-aging power of the Ring with the rest of us. Sixty years seems like such a short time, and yet half my life is spent."

"Your hair is not gray" Pippin said. "More of a… ratty color."

"Thank you" Merry said with an icy look.

Pippin decided that the root had been pulverized enough and lifted the container up to pour it into Merry's. It wasn't often that he was allowed to help out with the herbal medicine, he had to admit it was quite fun. It reminded him of cooking.

"Wait, slow down!" Merry cried and in the last second diverted Pippin's attempt to pour the powder into Merry's container. "I only need a little bit! It's lethal in larger doses!"

"Why are you stocking up on it if it's dangerous?" Pippin asked.

"Most things are in larger doses. Like you, for example. Now run off to see Snowmane and quit bugging me!"

"I'm sorry" Pippin said. "I didn't mean to nearly poison your son!" He paused in the doorway on his way out. "Merry? What pony will you be riding now?"

"What do you mean?" Merry asked while carefully taking only as much of the powder as he needed.

"Well… Stybba's retired. Snowy's got a foal. And Foxie and Raven… they're retired too as of this summer."

"Pip, I've got a whole stable full of ponies! I'll find something to ride on. Now run along and quit bugging me!"

"Fine" Pippin mumbled and headed off for the stables.

As he walked through the halls of Brandy Hall he felt lonelier than he ever had in these halls. He could not fool himself, things had changed. Merry had changed. Not a day had passed that Pippin hadn't been pained by Merry saying they had grown apart, not a day had passed without him hearing those awful words in his head over and over again. No matter how hard he fought against it, with each passing day he was beginning to realise that perhaps it was true.

Things weren't the same as they used to be, as they had been before the trip to Gondor. Pippin hadn't felt the need to seek out Merry's company when they had returned but it hadn't occurred to him that they were growing apart. Merry seemed awfully sure of it though. They were not upset with each other in any way, outwardly nobody could guess that there was something wrong, but things weren't as they should. Pippin more and more often got the feeling that Merry socialized with him because he felt he had to, not because he truly wanted to. He rarely came to see Pippin and when he did the visits were always short. When Pippin came to see Merry his friend rarely had time for him. Their conversations didn't flow as naturally anymore and sometimes their company was almost forced. Just now Pippin had tried to keep up a conversation but Merry hadn't gone along with it. It had been difficult to talk. Pippin hated it.

He refused to accept that the days when he and Merry were closer than any other two Hobbits in the Shire could be over. He had always been one half of Merry and Pippin and he refused to be merely Pippin now. And he didn't understand how a friendship like theirs could ever end. Their lives had gone in separate directions more than once but their friendship had always remained the same. How could it be that they were growing apart now, when their lives were as normal as they ever could be?

Pippin pushed the stable doors open and slowly walked down the hall to Snow White's stable booth. If only Merry had come with him. Pippin knew Lucky was sick, but didn't his friend have ten minutes to spare? He had never been too busy for Pippin before.

Pippin looked at the foal lying in the hay next to Snowy and had to admit that it was a very lovely creature. But right now the sight of the new pony only drew Pippin's mind to the fact that Fox and Raven were both ill and probably wouldn't live through the year. It felt like a symbol of his and Merry's friendship would be gone when the ponies died, and with a shiver down his spine Pippin thought that perhaps it was a sign. The ponies were dying, so was the friendship.

"No" Pippin said to himself and shook his head. "No signs. It's just a coincidence. They're old after all."

"Pardon?" a stable boy said.

"I wasn't talking to you, mind your own business" Pippin sputtered. He was not in the mood for silly stable boys right now.

But he couldn't keep the thought away once it had appeared in his head. Fox and Raven were dying, Snowmane had entered the world. One life ended, another began. The days of their friendship were over and their days on their own dawning.

"I must be going crazy" he muttered and quickly left the stables. He couldn't let himself think like that, for what if it was true?

"Oh I hate such ghastly weather!" Éowyn complained and pulled her scarf tighter around her. "It's done nothing but rain since we left the Hall!"

"It's winter, what did you expect?" Rose Gamgee commented dryly.

"Play nice lasses" Merry said and threw another log on the fire.

It was November and a dark one at that. The sun had not shown itself for two weeks and most Hobbits had drawn into their holes as if hibernating. It was Merry's turn to stay at Bag End and he had taken Éowyn with him, but at the moment he wished he hadn't. The weather seemed to bring out the worst in everyone and there were enough people gathered who were grumpy without the need of adding another one.

Young Rose was particularly grumpy. The weather reminded her of the weeks nearly a year ago when Tolman had been born, and she had spent ten months trying to forget that it had ever happened. Her parents had been gone for nine months now and so had her older sister, and in their absence Rose had been in charge of the household even though she was only a teenager still. The heavy burden of looking after far too many siblings while trying to care for a household had made her edgier than normal.

She made a promise to herself then and there that she would never marry and have children. She had spent her life looking after younger siblings and she had had quite enough. Her old friendship with Éowyn was falling apart, she couldn't help but envy the beautiful daughter of the Brandybucks who was never burdened by siblings or chores but could come and go as she pleased. Éowyn on the other hand didn't understand how her friend could be so edgy when life, in spite of bad weather, was so wonderful. Their two minds were going in completely different directions and neither knew what to do about it.

"How long before my mommy comes back?" Robin, the youngest, asked. "She has been gone so long now."

"Only a couple of months more" Merry said. "As soon as weather allows for travel. Your father has sent word to me, your mother's healing has gone well. They shall return as soon as they can. I should guess they will return in March or April, when the weather is good for travel."

"Only six more weeks of the year" Frodo stated and turned another page in the calendar. "I shall be glad to leave this year behind."

"So shall we all" Merry said. "1442 has not been a good year for any of us."

"It was for me, I lost my last baby tooth!" Daisy declared.

"And I caught my first fish!" Primrose added.

"I'm happy for you" Hamfast muttered, though he wasn't really. He felt terribly ashamed that his younger sister caught fish before he did.

"Fox and Raven died this year" Éowyn noted. "I'll always remember that with sadness. Just a few months ago they died."

"Tom died this year" Rose pointed out with a snarl. "That's worse."

"I never knew Tom, I knew Fox and Raven all my life" Éowyn retorted.

"Still, they're just ponies!"

"Are not! In Rohan horses are--"

"There now!" Merry interrupted. "Let's end this quarrel before it begins. No more talk of death, whether it be ponies or babies. The eve is dark enough anyway."

"Lucky had the mumps" Éowyn said. "That was a bad thing this year."

"Perhaps we should try and find the **good** things instead" Goldilocks suggested. "Father always says bright thoughts light up dark nights!"

"Perhaps we should not talk at all" Rose suggested and grabbed a book which she wasn't very interested in reading. But she wasn't interested in talking either.

"Uncle Merry, can't you tell a story?" Bilbo asked.

"No, not this night" Merry said and gazed at the flames. "There are no good stories in my mind right now."

"How come mother knows all about father's journey but madam Estella knows little of yours?" Primrose asked Merry.

"Primrose!" Rose said firmly. "That was not polite for you to ask! It is none of your concern! Apologize!"

"Our ways parted" Merry said. "For good and bad. Sam's gotten over his, I guess. I have not mine. But let's not talk of such things in this dark night. Don't you children have any bright stories to share with me for a change?"

"I want to hear about the three trolls" Bilbo said.

"You always want to hear about the trolls" Pippin complained. "Please, can we hear something else for a change?"

"No stories tonight" Merry said. "Perhaps some other night."

"Leave him be, Bilbo" Pippin said firmly and glared at his younger brother. "Uncle Merry already said no!"

Éowyn eyed her father in silence and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't been himself for a long time but she couldn't quite put her finger to it. Ever since he returned from Gondor he had been different, his constant talk of the lands of men had ended and he seemed more focused. Éowyn realised that they hadn't seen Peregrin much since the return from Gondor, but she quickly moved on from that thought. Ever since Sam and Rose left, Pippin and Merry had taken turns at supervising the Gamgee children and it was only natural that they wouldn't see each other as much then. Still it was odd not seeing her uncle Pippin several times a week.

"How far is Gondor?" Bilbo asked.

"It takes weeks to travel there" Merry said. "The first time I went there it took months. But we had many detours."

"Must we talk of Gondor?" Frodo sighed. "All we've heard for months is Gondor."

Bilbo quieted and sunk down by the table with the ABC book Peregrin had given him for his last birthday. Most of the Gamgee children could read, Sam had insisted upon it, though few of them read books for fun. Most of them had too much to do or were too impatient to sit down and read a book in peace and quiet. Every one of them preferred a story told out loud to a storybook.

Merry Gamgee eyed his older namesake and thought of how strange it was. The Hobbit he had been named after had led a life which was like a storybook of its own, yet it would never be written down save for in the Red Book which the Gamgee children weren't allowed to read. Nor would it be told by the fireside through generations, no young children would crawl up in their father's lap and ask to hear of the adventures of Merry Brandybuck. The younger Merry was almost scared by the older. His namesake was so full of secrets and mysteries, and so full of strength and leadership, at least by Hobbit measures. He was well respected and when he spoke his opinion on something the people listening always paid attention. Young Merry knew that Meriadoc had slain a mighty foe during the War but he didn't know what foe it was. It was still enough to impress the young Gamgee enormously, and he only wished to someday be as great as his namesake.

Meriadoc stared into the flames and absent-mindedly stirred around in the fire with a log. The year of 1442 was nearing its end and he couldn't wait to leave it behind him. It had been a year of death and illness and such years always seemed endless. In spring he had been reminded of the lovely springtime in Ithilien, in winter he had been reminded of the snowy plains of Gondor and during summer he had longed for the flower-filled plains of Rohan. The Shire year had not been as beautiful as it mostly was, there had been a lot of rain and a lot of wind. Many crops had gone bad and at Brandy Hall they had had to take down more animals than usual to survive the winter. It had been a very bad year indeed.

Éowyn watched her father in silence and wondered again what was bothering him. She wished she could crawl up in his lap and make him laugh, like she would have done if they were at the Hall, but here it didn't seem fitting. She knew that there was a great difference to what one did in the privacy of one's own family and what one did when with company. When she was at Bag End she could not hug him like she normally would, and she could not follow him around like she always did at home. She was not a baby anymore.

She couldn't help feeling jealous of her little sister, who could sit in her father's lap whenever she wanted to and who could get his complete attention at any time. Éowyn had always been happy with having only brothers, it had never even occurred to her that she might one day have a sister. She had accepted her role as the only daughter of the family a long time ago, and she loved that role. It made her special, it made her stand out from the rest. But then Lúthien had come along and changed everything. And as long as she was the youngest she would always be the baby. Yet Éowyn didn't hope for a sixth sibling, in case that sibling would be another sister. One sister was enough to compete with, two would be horrible.

She glanced at Rose, who had four sisters, and wondered if she was ever jealous of her younger siblings. Éowyn knew she wouldn't want to trade places with her, she had as many siblings as she felt she needed or wanted. And because she was barely a teenager yet she had never had to be a nanny to her own younger siblings. She saw Rose rise to put Robin to bed. Perhaps it was not such a mystery that Rose seemed preoccupied and in low spirits.

Her eyes fell on her father again and she wondered if someday Lúthien would take her place as his favorite lass. She had a special bond with her father and she didn't want it threatened by a younger sister who was nothing but trouble. She couldn't deny that Lúthien was very charming, though luckily she was also quite messy, noisy and stubborn. Her mother had laughingly informed her that she had been that way too when she was little but Éowyn refused to believe it. She could never have been like Lúthie. At least she hoped not. The more different they were from each other, the lesser threat her sister would be.

Her eyes left her father and fell on Merry Gamgee. She noticed that he was glancing at her father too. As if he had felt her eyes on him he shifted his glance from her father and his eyes instead met hers. Realising that she had seen him watch her father, his cheeks turned red and he looked away. For some reason it made Éowyn smile.

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End Comments: Sorry for killing off poor Tolman! When I read the chronology in the LotR appendices I noticed that Sam, Rose and Elanor travel to Gondor in the same year that Tolman is born and I couldn't figure out how come they left the baby at home (though there is of course the possibility that Tolman was born in Gondor). And so the explanation that popped into my head was that Tolman didn't survive. And as I had already used the SIDS thing I had to do something else with this one. Plus it gave me a good backstory as to why Sam and Rose go to Gondor.

Review please! All constructive or positive comments welcome =)


	15. 1443

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Author's Note: Well here I am again =) Up with a new chapter. Sorry for leaving you hanging, but there's no resolving the Merry and Pippin issue in this chapter. Some chapters are very hard to write, some very easy. This was a very easy one, though I hadn't expected it. I hope it's a good read, it sure was interesting to write!

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Kamily, welcome to the small but exclusive group of reviewers ;) In seriousness though, I'm glad to hear you like the series! Thank you for your review, it made my day! I hope you will continue to like it, and feel free to give me comments and suggestions for where you think it can go!

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Disclaimer: I seem to own more and more characters, but all the originals belong to JRR Tolkien!

"I still don't like it!" Rose Gamgee said and placed her hands on her hips. "Hobbits don't belong in the water!"

"That's what I keep telling Merry" Estella complained and glared at her husband. "But he won't listen to what I have to say."

"You're putting your children at risk" Rose added.

"Indeed my husband is" Estella said and continued to glare at Merry who rolled his eyes. "If Hobbits were meant to be out on water we would have been born with fins!"

"Indeed we would" Rose said. "Don't you think so too, Sam?"

"I think Merry is capable of raising his own children without you minding in" Sam said and glared at his wife like Estella glared at Merry. "Brandybucks have been on the Brandywine always. And though I don't like boats I wouldn't tell Merry whether or not he could teach his children how to swim and to row a boat."

"It ain't natural" Rose said.

"Please Merry?" Estella said and tried a different tactic. "I don't like the children being out on the river! Luckily Théo won't go into the water, he's a clever lad! But Éowyn being near the Brandywine scares me! And now she's got Aramac out in the water as well!"

"He is not in the water, he is in a boat" Merry said in an annoyed tone. "And he is perfectly safe! Aramac knows how to swim, if he didn't I wouldn't let him out on the river in the first place! Now enough is enough, I won't have this discussion again! Brandybucks have been on the river always, I know how to swim, my father knew, my grandfather… My children will as well. Cordy is going to learn this summer. It's only good sense to teach them to swim."

"It ain't natural" Rose repeated.

"Quiet, Rose!" Sam said firmly. "Mind your own business."

Rose glared at him and sat down on a bench. A not so pleased Estella sat down next to her and marked her discontent by firmly turning her head from her husband. Merry sighed and shook his head in frustration.

"Hobbits! Why do they always have to be so worried over everything new?"

With a sigh and a growl he strode off to fetch the ponies. He had had enough of Bag End for now, enough of Rosie filling Estella's head with ideas and adding fire to her worries. Rose had returned from Gondor in better shape than she had been for years, but not with an eased mind. She was constantly troubled and whenever she was near Estella she seemed to do her best to make her friend worry too. Merry was getting tired of it. Especially when he was told how to raise his children. Rose seemed to respect him much less now then she had before, a few years ago she would never have breathed a word about how he raised his young.

"Merry!" Sam's voice called out.

Merry stopped and waited for his friend to catch up with him before he continued to the stables. Sam looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Merry" he said. "I don't know why Rose said all those things!"

"Neither do I" Merry said. "And I don't appreciate it."

"I know you don't."

"I can raise my own children, I don't need her to tell me how! And I don't need her or anyone else to tell me what I can and cannot let my children do!"

"I know. But you must forgive her. Please."

Merry sighed as they entered the stables.

"I just don't think Estella and I should be coming over that much" he said. "It seems like every time we're here Estella begins to worry about something!"

"I'm sorry" Sam said and lowered his head.

"Oh don't look like that Sam" Merry said. "I didn't mean forever. Just for a few months." He paused. "Rose is doing better though, is she not?"

"Strider healed her" Sam said. "She's fine now. But I think she's just worried about the children. We lost one only last year!"

"I know" Merry said softly and led his pony out from the stables. "Will you fetch Estella's pony for me, Sam?"

Sam nodded and hurried to get Estella's mare. Merry gave his pony a pat on the neck and toyed with the thought of beginning to break in Snowmane for riding. But it would probably be a good idea to wait, Estella didn't need any further reason to worry right now. But he could start by teaching the pony to pull a cart. He couldn't wait until he could ride his new pony, the first he hoped of many. He still hadn't given up on breeding. He was still planning on using Crickhollow for that purpose, and perhaps when Aramac was older and inherited Merry's share in the house, he would take over. All Merry needed was a few more ponies to breed with, and secretly he planned a trip to Rohan to find the best ponies there were.

When Merry returned with Estella to Brandy Hall there was a letter waiting for him. He grinned when he saw that it was from the Lady Éowyn. He didn't receive word from her more than twice a year, as she had never been much for writing letters. She made an exception only for Merry, and her letters always warmed his heart and made him long to see her again.

He quickly excused himself and sent word that he did not wish to be disturbed. He then locked himself in his study and sat down in his favorite armchair to read the letter. Using a golden letter opener which he had received from Éomer King upon his becoming the Master of Buckland, a letter opener which Merry saved for very special letters, he carefully opened the letter and lifted out two sheets of fine paper.

He paused for a moment before he began to read. The paper sheets were made for humans, and quite large in Merry's hands even though he was as tall as a fairly short human. The paper was a light blue color, so light that you almost thought it was white. With a smile Merry lifted the letter up to his nose and drew in the smell of it. Even though it had traveled for a few weeks it still smelled of her soft perfume, and he thought he could smell the blossoms of Ithilien as well. Spring must have come early there this year, it was May still.

As carefully as he could he unfolded the paper sheets and paused for one more second before he began to read. He liked taking his time, a letter from Éowyn came so rarely that it was like a precious gift. He didn't want to rush through it. Then he grabbed his reading pipe, took one puff and started reading.

__

My Lord Holdwine

It is only April yet, but the flowers here are in blossom. I have a vase of your favorite flowers in front of me on my lord Faramir's desk as I sit here at to write my first letter of the year to you. Springtime always makes me think of you, as I know how you adore the spring of these lands. And prior to spring comes March, somehow in my heart that is your month.

How are things with you, dear friend? Did winter treat Buckland well? When last you wrote you had little room for telling me about your lands, as you mostly wrote of Samwise's safe return. I am glad to hear that he and Madam Rose arrived back home safely. Queen Arwen sends her well wishes to her maid Elanor. It probably goes without saying that King Estel sends all of his love to you and masters Peregrin and Samwise, though as he asked me to send you those greetings I shall put them down on paper anyway.

Lord Faramir and I are doing well, as is Ithilien. It is easy for Faramir to tend to these beautiful lands as little trouble seems to come here. I knock wood as I write those words, though I feel that Ithilien has suffered enough in the past. In some places you can almost feel still the old presence of the Dark Lord. But throughout most of the lands there is peace and harmony. The land seems to be blessed now, as it seemed cursed once.

Elboron is doing remarkably well. With every day that passes he looks more and more like his father, though as I am sure you know his spirit is mine. Sometimes I worry about him, I must admit. Lord Faramir as well as my brother tells me that our son is just like me, and it makes me wonder what I am like. Just the other day Elboron said it was a pity he could not travel to the Shire and see you, as he grows weary of staying in Ithilien where nothing ever happens. He dreams of more, and has said that it is a great unfortune that he was not born until all the adventures were over. As his mother I am thankful that he is living in these peaceful times and that he does not have to risk his life in War like we did I suppose the young do not see it that way..

How is Éowyn? I met Samwise's daughter Elanor during their stay and it made my heart long to see your daughter with the apple cheeks. I know no one other than you who would describe their daughter by such words, but seeing as you love apples I assume your description is meaning to say that she is as sweet. It warms my heart even in the coldest of winter nights that you named your firstborn after me. I never had any true friends in my life, only maids and servants, until there was you. I never could imagine that I would one day have a friend who named his child after me. It is the greatest of flatters.

How are your other children? Is Aramac rowing a boat yet? Will Cordy be learning how to swim this summer? Have you gotten Théo into a saddle yet? Are Lúthien and Lucky well? There's so much my heart longs to know. I hope one day you will come to Ithilien with Lady Estella and all of your children, it is the secret longing of my heart. You have told me so much about them that I almost feel that I know them in person.

In your last letters I have sensed that there is something not quite right with you and Peregrin. You have always talked much about him but he is hardly mentioned in your past six letters. Is there any need to worry? I know how attached you are to him. Whenever King Estel tells a story involving you it always seems as if wherever you are, Peregrin is as well. Such friendships are very special, I hope nothing has disturbed it!

Be well, dear friend, and give me news of what goes on in the Shire! I hope with every letter that you will say you are on your way to visit us, perhaps your response to this letter will bring such joyous news! I long to hear from you again.

Sincerely and with love,

Your Dernhelm

Merry smiled, but the smile was somewhat melancholy. His response would not include alerting her of his coming to Gondor, it would be nearly a year at the least before he could travel there again. He took another puff at his pipe and read the letter once more. He only wished it was longer, and not so filled with questions of his own life but more with tellings from hers. But he knew how little she cared for writing letters, and he was grateful for every word by her pen. He read the letter once more, then he put it in a special box in which he kept all of her letters. Most of them had been read enough times to nearly be falling apart.

With another puff on his pipe he sat down by his desk and grabbed his finest pen, the one he used only to write her, Éomer or members of the fellowship. He got out three sheets of blank paper and began to write his response.

__

My Lady and Friend

Spring is in the Shire. The flowers are in blossom, the birds have returned from the south and everywhere there are newly plowed fields. Only two days ago we finished the plowing here at Brandy Hall and sowing began shortly after. I myself have taken this day aside to visit Sam, and now to write this letter to you, my friend from afar.

It gives me great joy to receive word from you, your words warm me more than the bright shining sun. I am pleased to hear that all is well in Ithilien, and with you and Lord Faramir. Young Lord Elboron is indeed just like his mother, rarely have I met a lad with such warmth as his. I cannot believe that twenty years have passed since he came into this world, it feels like it was just a few years ago. I am looking forward to seeing him once more. Each time we meet he has grown more than I would have expected, I wonder how much he will have grown before my return to Ithilien.

Sadly I do not bring you word of my coming to Gondor. Buckland is busy as ever and I do not think I shall be able to come this year. But my heart travels there each night before I go to sleep. Someday in a year not too long from now I shall once more be galloping across the plains of Gondor and Rohan. I trust you will have a new horse for me to ride when I arrive?

Everything is fine in Buckland. Éowyn and Aramac are out in the boats on the Brandywine most days, they both love going out on the water. Théo still does not want to, nor does he want to ride, but he is learning more and more how to handle a pony. Lucky keeps chasing every rainbow he can find and we have to keep close eyes on Cordy or he disappears out on his own little "adventures". Sometimes I wonder where he goes when he leaves, but he always returns safely, either on his own or brought home by Pippin. Cordy loves visiting young Faramir at the Smials. As for Lúthien she is ever growing and ever cheerful. I do not believe any of her five siblings has ever been as stubborn as she is, but at the same time she is gentle and so full of charm. I wish you could see her. I wish you could see all of them. I tell my Éowyn about you all the time, I know she longs to see you as well. It is my longing that the two ladies dearest to my heart will once meet.

I have been mentioning Pippin less and less in my letters, haven't I? You were right in assuming that something is not quite the way it used to be. I never have been able to hide anything from you for too long even though I try. In truth, I do not know what is the problem between Peregrin and myself. We are not mad at each other, nobody has failed the other or done something unforgivable. The issue goes deeper than that. I can't help but feel that it is our friendship, that it has outrun its course. Do you believe such a thing is possible? Is it possible to love someone as your brother for all your life, and then one day realise you do not need each other as you used to? There was a time in my life when I went climbing the walls if I spent a day apart from Peregrin. Now weeks can pass without me even realising I have not seen him. Can friendship fulfill its need and then just slowly fade? If his and mine friendship is to ever end I should wish for it to be this way, for I would hate to see us torn apart by fight, but at the same time it seems like such a weak ending to all our years as friends. And the worst part of it all, or what ought to be the worst, is that I am not pained by this. I ought to be torn apart by the thought of him and me growing apart, yet I am not. It is as if I have accepted it. Could that be? Or am I just in denial? I wish there was some way of knowing. Only time will tell.

I shall not say more of it at this time. It has been a strange year behind us which might explain why things have been unusual. Hopefully this summer will make things more clear. For what it is worth, there is no doubt in my mind that yours and mine friendship will survive the test of time and that we shall never grow apart. I truly hope never to lose a friend like you.

Your ever servant and friend,

Meriadoc Holdwine

"Don't be silly" Éowyn said as Ham Gamgee skidded down to the boat tied to a log on the shores of the Brandywine. "You will never catch a fish that way!"

"I can't very well give up without trying, can I?" Ham replied.

Primrose sighed. She, her brother Ham, and her sisters Daisy and Goldilocks had gotten permission to ride over to Buckland for a day and of course her brother had to do something to spoil it. It was a great adventure for them, neither one of them had ever gotten to ride so far alone before. True, Rose was with them as well, but she was at the Hall right now and it felt like Primrose and her three siblings were on their own private adventure. Pippin was there too, also at the hall, but he had left the day before and Primrose hadn't seen him since they arrived. Goldie, who aside from Rose was the oldest with her twelve years, was keeping a firm eye on Primrose, who was seven, and the youngest of the five. But Goldie was close enough to Primrose's own age that it didn't feel like a grown-up watching over her. It was different with Rose, Rose was so serious, and she was more than ten years older than Primrose. A whole generation separated the two sisters.

But right now Ham was the one troubling Primrose, or Primsy as she was sometimes called. He was obsessed with the thought of catching a fish, as he was embarrassed that he never had while Primsy had done it the year before. It was not a big deal, most Gamgees never tried fishing at all as they were afraid of the water, but Ham had gotten it into his head that he would catch one. Right now he was trying to catch a fish from the riverbanks, which Primsy knew was a waste of effort.

"You will never be able to catch one like that" she pointed out.

"You need a fishing rod" Aramac added. "And we don't have one."

He was in a bad mood. He and Éowyn had planned on going out on the boat, which was Aramac's favorite pastime this summer, but when the Gamgees had shown up they had been told they couldn't go out in the boat. They had to play with the Gamgees instead, which Aramac found very boring. He, Éowyn, Théo and Cordy had followed the Gamgees down to the Brandywine but now Aramac was beginning to regret it. He didn't like that Ham seemed so set on catching fish, Aramac hated fishing and definitely didn't want to spend the afternoon doing something so boring.

"Are you sure there's not a rod in the boat?" Ham asked and leaned over to look inside the boat left there by Éowyn and Aramac the day before.

"Hamfast be careful!" Goldie said.

"I am" Ham impatiently replied.

"You won't find a rod there" Aramac said.

Cordy skidded down the banks as well to have a look.

"Comradoc!" Éowyn cried out. "You get back up here right now! You can't swim!"

"But Aramac is down here all the time!" Cordy complained.

"He can swim" Théo said. "You can't!"

"But I'm learning!"

"No, Cordy you can't go swimming without Father watching you!" Théo said. "You know that was the deal you made with Mother!"

"But I'm not going to fall in!"

"Get back up here right now!" Éowyn said. "Or I will tell mother you planned on breaking your promise and she'll never let you go near the water again!"

"I never get to do anything!" Cordy complained and angrily picked up a stick and threw it into the river.

"Get up here now or I will come down and get you myself!" Théo warned.

Obediently, and with a very grumpy look on his face, Cordy began walking and at parts climbing up the banks. He couldn't believe how his siblings could be so boring. He hoped he would never be that boring. He would let Lucky and Lúthie be down by the water as much as they wanted to. It was none of Théo's or Éowyn's business anyway if he wanted to be down by the riverbanks.

"Ham won't you come up as well?" Daisy nervously asked.

"In a minute" Ham said, still looking for a rod.

"You won't find one" Aramac said and sighed. "We don't bring rods with us when we go out in the boat! Neither me nor Éowyn fish!"

"Perhaps someone else left one here?" Ham suggested.

"Nobody else uses that boat" Aramac said.

"Hamfast, please!" Goldilocks begged.

"Fine" Ham said and sighed. "Do you have any rods at Brandy Hall?"

"Do we have to fish?" Aramac moaned. "Can't we do something fun?"

"It is fun to fish!"

"It's nice that you think so, since you never catch any fish" Primrose said.

"Primsy!" Goldie said firmly.

"Be careful around that boat" Daisy said. "I hope it's securely tied!"

"Daisy, stop being such a nervous nelly!" Ham said. He then paused for a minute. "Hey! I can see fish in the water!"

"What a shocker" Aramac said and rolled his eyes.

"Just come back up here or I'll tell mom on you!" Goldie said. "You know she doesn't want us near the Brandywine!"

Ham sighed and gave up. He would have to try and catch his first fish in some other way. He was leaned over the boat looking into it, and as he pushed himself up the boat, which wasn't tied down as close as Ham thought, drifted out a bit into the water. It was enough to make Ham lose his balance and fall into the water with a splash.

"No!" Aramac cried. "The water is deep there!"

"Hamfast!" Daisy cried out.

It didn't take the Brandybucks many seconds to realise that Ham was in trouble. He couldn't swim and the water was deep. Without a second's hesitation Théodoc ran for the bridge to get help at the Hall, and Éowyn and Aramac skidded down the banks to get to Ham. Goldilocks, who was the first of the Gamgees to realise the danger Hamfast was in, quickly let go of the grip she'd had on Primrose and hurried as close as she dared to get to the sloaping banks of the river.

"Ham!" she cried out. "Are you all right?"

As Éowyn and Aramac reached the Brandywine and got in the water Théodoc crossed the bridge and shouted at the top of his lungs to get the attention of the adults at Brandy Hall. Luckily Merry was outside carrying lunch to the workers in the field, and immediately heard what is son was shouting. He dropped his basket and ran as fast as he could toward the bridge.

"Get him out!" Goldie cried to Aramac and Éowyn, who were doing their best in the still quite cold water of the Brandywine. Éowyn's dress was pulling her down somewhat and Aramac got a hold of Hamfast first. He had drifted out a bit into the water and was struggling to keep above the surface. Théodoc reached the group again and grabbed Cordy and turned his brother around so that he wouldn't see what was going on. Ham was in a lot of trouble.

"Did you not secure the boat enough?" Aramac shouted to Éowyn in the water.

"Of course I did!" Éowyn shouted back. "I swear I did!"

The two were struggling to keep Ham above water and get him into shore, but there was no good place to get out of the water. At this part of the Brandywine the banks went straight down into the water and the river was over three meters deep even by the banks.

"Get him in the boat" Éowyn suggested.

Merry realised it would be a waste of time to cross the bridge and dove into the water from the other side. He reached the children before Éowyn and Aramac had managed to get Hamfast into the boat. He grabbed Ham and began swimming towards a place where they could get out of the water, about ten yards down the river.

"Swim!" he urged the child. "Try to swim!"

Finally he reached the spot where the water was shallower and there was a good enough place to get back up on the banks. He managed to get Ham up on the shore before he got himself out of the water, and then he carried the child further up the slopes and laid him down. Meanwhile Éowyn and Aramac, both completely exhausted, reached the spot and helped each other out of the water.

"I swear I tied it good" Éowyn panted.

"Come on now Hamfast" Merry said and tried to get the unconscious child to wake up. He had no experiences with near drowning and didn't know what to do, but he tried blowing air into Ham's lungs as he remembered Aragorn telling them once.

"Is he okay?" Daisy cried from the other shore.

"Come on Ham!" Merry mumbled.

Éowyn and Aramac came up to them and sank down on the ground, dripping wet, cold and exhausted. They both looked at Ham with worried eyes.

"Is he waking up?" Aramac asked in a small voice.

"He will" Merry insisted. "He has to. Or else I don't know what I will say to Samwise."

"Please Ham, wake up" Daisy cried. She began to sob. "It's not funny!"

"What's wrong?" Primrose asked, sounding like a small child.

"Wake up Hamfast, wake up" Merry said and continued blowing air into the child's lungs.

The scene was strangely quiet. No Hobbits had come rushing over to see what all the commotion was about, they were too busy picking up the lunch Merry had dropped, and none of the children made any noise. It was as if everyone was scared that saying the wrong thing would prevent Ham from opening his eyes.

"Please wake up…" Daisy said in a much smaller voice than before.

Finally Merry looked up at Éowyn and Aramac. They looked back at him and shivered in their cold, wet clothes. Théoden took Cordy by the hand and walked up to Goldie, who had grabbed Primrose by the shoulders again. Gently Théo lifted Goldilocks' hands from her sister and took Primrose by his other hand.

"Come now, Primsy" he said gently. "Let's get you to the Hall."

"What's happening?" Primsy asked again.

As Théo crossed the bridge with the two seven year-olds it suddenly dawned on Goldilocks. He was taking the youngest away from the scene because he knew what was happening, and it was not pleasant. She looked over at the four soaking wet Hobbits on the other side of the river and could clearly see that Merry was no longer trying to breathe for Hamfast.

"No…" she whispered.

"Goldilocks" Daisy sobbed. "What's the matter? Why is Ham still sleeping?"

"Daisy he is not sleeping" Goldie said almost in a whisper.

"Then he should sit up and not just lie there" Daisy said and tried to dry her eyes with the back of her hand. "Doesn't he know that he is scaring us?"

Goldilocks didn't reply. She pulled her sister close and gently placed her hand on the back of Daisy's head, turning her eyes away from the figures on the other side of the river. And at that moment Daisy knew as well.

Sam jumped high in the air when the door to Bag End was more or less banged open. Gaping with surprise he saw a still wet Merry enter with Hamfast in his arms and a very pale Pippin Gamgee in tow.

"What is all this about?" Sam managed to ask.

Merry barged past him and into a bedroom, now both Sam and Pippin following him in his tracks. Bag End seemed empty at the time being, Frodo was out working in the garden and Merry Gamgee tended to the horses. Elanor and Robin had gone with their mother to the market and Bilbo was playing on the back of the house. Merry was thankful that there weren't a lot of people around right now.

"Merry?" Sam asked as Merry gently lay Hamfast down on the bed. "What's the matter? Did Ham get sick?"

Merry took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. How would he be able to give this ill news to Sam?

"Why are you wet?"

"Hamfast fell into the river" Merry said and didn't dare to look at Sam. "Éowyn and Aramac tried their best to help him, I came as soon as I heard Théo's cries… But once I got to him it was too late. I tried to bring him back, but…"

"No…" Sam said and backed away. "I don't believe you! Don't you say another word! Why do you always bring me ill news of my children?"

"Not from wish or desire" Merry said and still didn't bear to look at his friend.

"Dad, Hamfast is dead" Pippin said and swallowed hard. "He's dead."

"No, you are talking crazy Pippin!" Sam said. "Ham is **not** dead! He was alive and well when last I saw him!"

"He fell into the river" Pippin said. "He died father!"

"No!" Sam cried.

"Samwise" Merry said and strode up to Sam, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him to look him in the eyes. He didn't know from where he's suddenly gotten the strength, but right now it was needed. "You must be strong now" he said. "You must be strong for Rosie! You must be strong for your children!"

"The others are all right" Pippin said and began to tremble. "They were with him when it happened, save for Rose and I, but they're not hurt."

"Why?" Sam cried. "This is not fair! My son is not dead!"

"You're right, it isn't fair!" Merry said. "But right now you need to be the strong one, for Rose! For Rose, Sam! And for Goldie, Daisy and Primrose. They saw their brother die today."

Sam shook himself free of Merry and rushed over to Hamfast, who was lying on the bed. The child was still wet, but one closer look at him told Sam that it was true. His son was not just sleeping. His face was ghastly white, his lips a dark blue color. It was clear to Sam that there was no life anymore in Ham's body. Sam's legs caved under him and he sunk down on the floor. The next second Pippin was there, supporting his father. Merry stood silently where Sam had left him, not knowing what to do or say now.

Evening came to Bag End, as it always had before. From the outside nothing was different. The garden was still well kept, the lights were all on in the windows. It was a night like any other night, save for one thing. Once you went inside Bag End you were greeted by Hobbits in shock and tears. Death was at Bag End, in a more salient way than ever before. This time it was not a young baby, it was an eleven year-old boy.

Rose had been given something very sedating by Merry and had been fast asleep for hours. Estella had kept the Gamgees who had been present for the accident with her ever since they came back from the river, and now she was with them in a bedroom. Daisy was crawled up in her lap, rocking slowly back and forth and humming the same note over and over again. The events of the day seemed to have effected her more than the rest.

Bilbo and Robin were asleep in the nursery, watched over by Diamond and Elanor. There was not much either of them could do at the moment except still one of the little ones if they woke with bad dreams. The two youngest had not completely understood what was going on, but they knew that it was something terrible. With them in the nursery Diamond and Elanor had Lúthien and Lucky, who were also sleeping by now.

In Frodo's old bedroom Sam wept in Peregrin's arms. Pippin knew he had no words to offer which could ease the pain for the grieving father, so he just held his friend in silence and let him speak when he needed to speak, and cry when he needed to cry. Mostly Sam just cried in silence, unable to deal with anything else than that at the moment. In the corner of the room Merry sat on a stool and stared into space. He felt guilty over what had happened, he should have watched over the children and kept them from going down to the river. He should have gotten to Ham sooner. He had a whole long list of "should have" in his mind.

Out in the sitting room sat Frodo, Merry and Pippin, completely forgotten in the chaos that had been during the evening. Pippin seemed to be the most composed, and was also the one who had known about it the longest. Merry hadn't said a word since Pippin and Meriadoc had arrived with what Merry immediately saw was his dead younger brother, he had taken care of the ponies in silence and then found nothing important to say. Frodo didn't want to talk either, but he felt responsible to try and comfort his younger brothers. He wished Elanor could be with them, she was so much better at offering comforting words and arms.

They were not alone in the sitting room, Aramac and Théodoc were sitting there as well, both trying to come to terms with what they had seen and experienced during the day. All Aramac could think of was how testy he had been towards Ham right before he died, and all Théodoc could think of was how close it had come to being Comradoc. In spite of the tragedy he could not help but be happy that it was not his brother who had died on this day.

Éowyn entered from the kitchen, carrying a tray with six cups of silver tea. She offered it first to her brothers, knowing that Aramac was still freezing from his swim earlier in the day. He seemed unable to warm up again. Éowyn then offered cups to the three Gamgee lads, and Pippin and Frodo accepted theirs without seeming to be aware of what they were drinking. Merry however didn't take a cup and Éowyn waited for a while to see if he was going to change his mind.

"Don't you want some tea?" she asked after a minute.

Merry shook his head.

"I had tied the boat securely enough" Éowyn said, sounding near tears. "I swear."

Merry looked up at her. After hesitating for a second he took a cup from her tray.

"Will this night ever end?" Sam asked in a whisper.

"Yes" Pippin said after a long pause. "It will end. And so will the dark night in your heart. But it will not end anytime soon, I'm afraid."

"I lost Ham" Sam said and began to sob again.

"Yes" Pippin said. "You lost him. He's with Ruby and Tolman now. He's taking care of them. Now you don't have to worry about them anymore."

"I just want my son back."

"But that's impossible" Pippin said softly. "Just as impossible as making the sun rise in the middle of the night. The night has fallen over you, the sun will not rise yet. But trust me when I say, dawning will break. Perhaps not this summer, perhaps not this year. But sooner or later the sun will rise for you again."

"Remember…" Merry mumbled from his corner. "It is always darkest before dawn."

"I just haven't come to that darkness yet" Sam sobbed. "I'm just at dusk yet! And the whole long night of grief is ahead of me."

Pippin gently shushed him and placed a kiss on his head.

"How can it be so unfair?" Merry whispered to himself in his corner.

"Can you imagine, Pippin?" Sam asked. "Can you imagine what it's like to have to realise that you'll never see your son again? You will never hear his voice again?" Sam's voice broke with tears. "I'll never see him as a grown Hobbit!"

"Don't let such thoughts darken your mind" Pippin said gently. "Think of what you had instead of what you won't have. Think of the decade you had with Hamfast, and all those good memories you have of him. Treasure what time you got."

He came close to adding that some parents never got that much time with their children, but he stopped himself from saying it when he remembered that Sam had lost two children at infancy.

"Thinking of those things only makes me realise how much I've lost" Sam said.

"Think of whatever you need to think of, then" Pippin said. "Think about it all, so that you can move on afterwards."

Sam nodded slightly. Pippin closed his eyes and felt how tired he was. But he knew he would get no sleep tonight. And poor Sam! Pippin wished Merry would give him something that would make him sleep through the entire summer, but he knew Sam would have to face it wide-awake. Merry had not given anything to Sam this night in order to let Sam think only of himself and his own situation while Rose slept. When Rose was awake Sam would have to set aside his own grief to help Rose through hers.

A glance at the clock told Pippin the hour was past three in the morning. It would be dark for hours yet to come. And that other night, the one in their hearts, would stay much longer. Sooner or later stars would begin to show on those night skies, and northern lights would brighten them ever so slightly. Then dawn would begin to show in the east, gradually letting more and more light in. There would come a time when night had again turned to day. But it would not be anytime soon, and Pippin knew the night was needed. Deep down he knew that the darker the night, the stronger Sam would come through it and the happier he would be able to be. As long as he had the help and support of his friends he would manage to get through the night and once more enjoy the day.

"Merry?" Pippin said and looked at his friend.

"Yes?"

"You will stay for as long as it takes, will you not?"

"As long as Sam needs me."

"Good" Pippin said. "So will I. I will stay as long as I am needed and then some. Don't you worry Sam, we will be right here for you."

Pippin drew a small sigh of relief. For a moment he had actually worried that Merry would not stay for as long as he ought to. Merry was of no help whatsoever at the moment, and Pippin couldn't help but wonder if his cousin was considering himself to be growing apart from all of his friends. But deep down he knew Merry better than that. He could see it in his eyes that he was dealing with his own demons from the day that had just passed. It could not be easy for Merry, being the one who had to come so close to saving Ham and then having to be the one to tell Samwise.

And in his corner Merry criticized himself for not having done more. He kept wondering over and over if he'd have gotten there sooner had it been one of his own children. He couldn't help but feel he had failed Sam's son, since his return from Gondor Merry had not had a single person die under his care. And now he had been unable to save Hamfast.

"Merry?" Sam suddenly said.

"What is it, Sam?"

"Will you teach my children to swim?"

Merry turned in his corner and stared at Sam.

"Are you mad? After what just happened you want them near the river?"

"If Ham had known how to swim this would never have happened. I want my other children to be safe from drowning."

"But the Gamgees never swim!"

"It is my choice how I raise my children and what I will and will not let them do" Sam reminded him. "Just as it is yours to do with your children. I am asking you, will you please teach my children how to swim?"

"Sam, I don't think either of them will go near the Brandywine again after what happened today" Pippin said.

"But I don't want that. I don't want them growing up in fear! You've taught Faramir to swim, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"And Tooks don't swim either."

"All right, I will teach them" Merry said. He sighed deeply. "This should never have happened. How could I let this happen?"

"You didn't **let** this happen" Pippin objected.

"They were visiting my home, they were my responsibility!" Merry rose from his stool and began pacing in the room. "They should never have been down by the Brandywine unsupervised in the first place!"

"Stop thinking like that, or it will drive you mad" Sam said and dried his tears for now. "We can't toss around blame like that or we'll all lose our senses! You are not the only one who could think such thoughts! I should not have let them go to Buckland alone, Rose and Pippin should not have let them go down to the river alone, Hamfast should not have gone down to the boat… You are not to blame anymore than anyone else."

"I could have saved him."

"You said to me that he was already dead when you reached him."

"Or dying…"

"Then what could you have done to make things different?"

Merry looked down on his hands and didn't find anything to say in response. Sam was right. Nobody was to blame, or perhaps everyone was to blame. Either way it wouldn't do anyone any good to go over their guilt in their heads time and time again. They all had to move on, or they would all be lost.

"I don't want Hamfast's death to be for nothing" Sam said. "If not else, then it brings on the others learning how to swim. At least some good comes of it."

"I will teach them how to swim" Merry said. "I promise."

Merry looked down on his hands and didn't find anything to say in response. Sam was right. Nobody was to blame, or perhaps everyone was to blame. Either way it wouldn't do anyone any good to go over their guilt in their heads time and time again. They all had to move on, or they would all be lost.

"I don't want Hamfast's death to be for nothing" Sam repeated. "If not else, then it brings on the others learning how to swim. At least some good comes of it."

"I will teach them how to swim" Merry said. "I promise."

"Rose won't like it" Pippin said.

"Rose does not have a say in this" Sam said. "I won't let her fears become a danger to the children."

"On the other hand, Rose would not have wanted Ham down by the river at all" Merry said. "That would have--"

He cut his sentence short abruptly. He couldn't say that it would have saved Ham's life. He had just decided not to think of things like that. All they could do was accept what had happened, no matter how hard it was.

"When will the dawning break?" Pippin said, more to himself than to the rest. "Has there been such an endless night since the War?"

"Daybreak is yet a few hours away" Merry said.

"And it is always darkest before dawn" Sam added.

__

Dearest Lady of Rohan and Ithilien

I write this letter to you sitting by Frodo and Bilbo's old desk in their old study at Bag End. I write to you now, even though merely three weeks have passed since last I wrote, and I know that mail deliveries from the north only arrive in the south every other month. But I write to you out of necessity, for I have ill news to tell.

It is now late in the hours of the night. It is a night following a day of tragedy. It follows the day when Hamfast son of Samwise drowned in the river Brandywine. I have not much to say of the accident itself, I was not there to witness him falling into the river, only there to get him out of the water. But by the time of my arrival it was already too late. This letter is written to you in the home where Hamfast spent his eleven years, where his father now rests in Peregrin's arms after a long evening of grief and disbelief. I have taken my refuge to the study, for I can no longer stay in the same room with Samwise. His grief is too great and the blame on my shoulders too heavy.

I try to tell myself I cannot put any blame on my shoulders, for as Samwise himself said to me, it was not one person's fault but everyone's or no one's. Yet I feel in my heart that I should not have allowed the children to go down to the Brandywine alone. I knew none of Sam's children could swim. And with them were four of my own, out of which only two could swim. What was I thinking when I allowed them to go down there? How can I not blame myself?

Bag End is a sadder place tonight than I ever believe it has been in the past. It is a great loss, the loss of young Hamfast. He was a lad full of life and with great love for nature. He dreamed of being able to fish and hunt, and he loved learning to read. It is a tragedy and a great loss, my heart bleeds for Samwise and Rose.

I have always believed that it is not good for your children to put too many restrictions on them. They have to try new things and sometimes take risks, or they will go through life without ever really learning anything. Yet now I wonder. Nothing was worth Hamfast drowning in the river, nothing was worth that risk he took. Have I gone about wrong in raising my children? I was told growing up that parenting is not easy and now I truly understand what that means. You believe you know what you're doing and that you're doing something good for your children, then you come to realise that you're putting them in far too great peril. What had I done had it been my Comradoc or Théodoc? It could just as easily have been I crying in Peregrin's arms through the night, mortified over the loss of my son. And it still might be I. Every day my children play near the Brandywine. What's to say it won't be them falling in the next time?

So shall I restrict my children's lives? Only let them play within my eyesight? I cannot do that, it would put too big boundaries on their days. I myself grew up with the freedom of walking through the woods and plains, swimming in the Brandywine and riding off to Bag End whenever my heart chose and there were no duties for me at home. I cannot deny my children that kind of childhood.

Perhaps there are no real answers. Perhaps it is up to every parent to decide how to raise his or her own offspring. But I made a wrong choice and someone died because of it. Though the blame is not all mine I still carry part of it.

I shall write now to Strider, and to Legolas and Gimli, to tell them of this tragedy. But I wanted to write to you first, for to you I can reveal all my inner thoughts. I wish I knew how to act now, what to do in this situation. I know there are no real answers for me, each of us has to find our own way through this. All I can really do is be there for Samwise, and for my children who witnessed this event. Especially Aramac and Éowyn, who got into the river to try and help Hamfast. I cannot imagine what they must be going through now. I only hope I will be able to keep them strong through this.

I must end my letter now, as more letters are to be written before sunrise. I seek strength from you now, the memory of your courage and strength is a guiding star for me. Keep your child safe, dear Éowyn, but also keep him free.

With love, devotion and trust,

Your Merry

Merry put down his pen and sighed. Perhaps it was wrong of him to lay his thoughts and worries on her, but now he needed to do so. He was useless at Bag End, he was no source of strength or comfort to Sam. He had to leave that to Pippin, who just as Merry stood with half a foot outside the Gamgee family and thus was able to put his own grief aside for his friend's sake. Merry had too much of his own troubles over having been present for Hamfast's death to put his own feelings aside just yet.

With a deep sigh he grabbed the old pen Bilbo had used to write "There and Back Again" and found a clean sheet of paper. Determined to get this over with he began writing to Gimli.

It was an hour or so yet till dawn. The fire in the sitting room had nearly died out, all that was left was ember. Frodo was sleeping in his armchair and on the couch next to him Merry and Pippin were curled up together, also fast asleep. Aramac had fallen asleep hours ago in Théo's arms, and now Théo too was sleeping. Only Éowyn was still awake, staring at the ember, wrapped in a blanket in the armchair she was sitting in. Her head was filled with thoughts, mostly of guilt. She could not forget what Aramac had asked her in the water. Had she not secured the line well enough?

Meriadoc quietly entered the room, finally finished with his letters, and noticed that among the sleeping youngsters his daughter was still awake. Gently he placed a hand on her shoulder and with his other hand caressed her cheek.

"What are you doing awake, apple cheeks?" he asked.

"I cannot sleep" Éowyn said, and then paused. "I did secure the line."

"Come here" Merry said and made her rise from the chair so he could sit, and she then could sit in his lap. "Don't you worry more about that tonight."

She crawled up in his lap, comforted by getting to do so, just as she had often done when she was a little girl. She was growing up now, and it was no longer appropriate for her to curl up in her father's lap. But now she did, and she leaned against his strong and comforting chest, drawing in his familiar scent, which had meant security and comfort for her during her entire life. Finally the mask she had put on during the evening fell and she began to cry.

"There now, sweetie…" Merry said gently and kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. Cry as much as you need to, it will do you good."

"I did secure the rope, I did!"

"I believe you" Merry said. "Listen to me now, it was not your fault that it happened. Nobody puts that blame on your shoulders. I've been with Samwise all night and he does not put blame on anyone. The truth is, Ham should not have been down by the river when he does not know how to swim, and he knew that. And Éowyn, you have been using that boat since you were nine years old, and not once have you secured it badly. Why would you have done so now?"

"I can't help it, it feels like it was all my fault."

"It wasn't" Merry said. "You should not feel guilt. You should be proud of yourself, honey. You tried to save Hamfast. You and your brother got into the water to help him, what more could anyone have done? Even if the boat had been loosely tied up you more than made up for that in jumping into the water. Sam and Rose are very grateful for what you did, they do not blame you one little bit. Believe me, apple cheeks."

"Am I still your apple cheeks?" Éowyn asked with a sob. "After what happened today?"

"Of course you are, silly."

"Am I still? Do you not love Lúthien more than me?"

"Fool" Merry said and kissed the top of her head. "I do not love her more than I love you, nor vice versa."

"I have always been your lass" Éowyn said. "I was special. I was your only daughter. Now you have Lúthien too, so there's nothing special with me anymore."

"Everything is special about you" Merry objected softly. "You were my firstborn. You carry the White Lady's name. You follow me wherever I go, you help me whenever I need your help. You're still you, and everything about you makes you special. Lúthien does not change that. She's special too, but in different ways."

"I didn't want a sister" Éowyn confessed. "I wanted to be your only daughter. I'm scared of Lúthien, she is the one person who could take away everything that's special with me in your eyes. Because she is your daughter too. But I've thought about it time and again this night, and as much as I hated getting a sister I am so grateful that she was not the one to die today. I do not want any harm to come to her."

"I know you don't" Merry said. "For she is your sister, and you love her more than you know. Stop worrying that she will take me from you, for she never will. But I am her father, just as I am yours, and she is also my daughter and I love her so much. Do not see her as a threat or a burden, see her as a very rare and special gift. You'll never have another sister, and sisters are different from brothers. You'll see. And when she gets older she will admire you more than you will know. She already does. She loves you more than anyone, she looks up to you. It ought to be her being scared of you and not the other way around, for she will undoubtedly be measured against you, and she will have to compete with how loved you are in Buckland. You are not an easy person to compete with, Éowyn of Buckland. You stole my heart the first time I saw you, as did you with everyone else. Be kind to Lúthien, accept her for who she is and care for her. She will be there from cradle to grave, friends may come and go in your life but you will always have her. Learn to appreciate that."

Éowyn nodded slightly.

"I love you father."

"And I love you, apple cheeks."

With a sigh Éowyn closed her eyes and within minutes fell asleep. Merry gently rocked back and forth and stared at the ember finally giving up in the fireplace. The room was completely dark. Yet when Merry looked out in the hall he thought he could see light coming from the hall window. Perhaps dawn was breaking.

It was August when the Brandybucks and the Tooks left Bag End. Summer had been long and hot, but it had seemed cold for the Gamgee family and those close to them. But by now they seemed to have gotten back on their feet somewhat and were able to carry on with their days without the constant support of the Tooks and Brandybucks.

All through the summer Estella had been mother for all the younger children. She had fallen back into her old role as nanny, taking full responsibility for the young ones and letting Rose care for herself. Diamond had managed the household, with the help of Elanor and young Rose, and had spent hours every day preparing meals for all twenty-three Hobbits staying at the hole. Pippin had been Sam's greatest support and spent hours each day taking Sam out walking or riding, trying to get his mind off things. In truth it was good therapy for Pippin too, it took his mind off his own problems with Merry which never seemed to want to find an end. By now Pippin wished they would just stop being friends if that was what would happen in the end. He felt the same way about this as he once did about the war, he most definitely didn't want it to happen, but he would rather have it happen now than wait on the brink of the unavoidable event.

Merry had taken it upon him to manage Sam's mayor duties, though he constantly battled old Tolman over who really ought to be doing it. Sam never said anything of the matter, in truth he felt more than capable of handling his mayor duties on his own, but he let Merry handle it if it would help him. Once every two weeks Merry took the oldest of the Gamgees to the Brandywine to teach them how to swim. The first time had been very difficult, as it was the first time Goldilocks and Daisy had returned to the river after Ham's death. Goldilocks had blankly refused to go anywhere near the river, and eventually Merry and Sam decided that if she needed more time they ought to give it to her. The other six however managed to learn how to swim before August came.

It felt strange to be back at Brandy Hall, the summer had been very hard on all of them and they all felt emotionally exhausted. Yet Estella said to Merry on the night before their return home that she knew now the value of having friends. She had clearly seen how the support of their friends had helped the Gamgees survive the summer, and she found it remarkable how mostly Pippin, but also Merry, slowly but effectively turned Sam back into his old self.

"It's good to be home though" she said when they walked inside Brandy Hall. "Had we stayed longer we would have worried about the harvesting."

"Perhaps we should have stayed and helped Sam and Rosie with theirs" Merry said with a worried frown.

"They will be fine" Éowyn said, carrying Lúthien. "They have young Rose, and Frodo, and Elanor, and Merry and Pippin… They will manage the harvesting."

"There is a letter for you, Master" Berilac, Merry's cousin, said.

"I should assume there's more than one, I've been gone all summer."

"Yes. But this one is from the hand of the White Lady."

Merry quickly snatched the letter from Berilac and without further ado hurried off to his study. Éowyn had written, though he had not expected word from her until October or November. He quickly sat down in his chair with his reading pipe and opened the letter with his special letter opener. Sucking ceremoniously on his pipe he began to read.

__

My dearest Merry

It gives me great grief to receive word of young Hamfast son of Samwise's death. Eleven is far too young an age for anyone to pass on, I cannot tell you how my heart goes out for Samwise, Rose and their children. To lose a son merely a year after they lost an infant must be devastating.

My greatest concern however is for you. Your mind is troubled, far more than it ought to be. The words that you wrote in your letter worry me, you carry a greater burden than you should. For Samwise is right, it is not anybody's fault that tragedies such as Hamfast's happen, and if I know one thing at all about you it is that you would not let him die if there was anything you could do to save him. We all make mistakes, some of them turn out to be fatal, but I do not see it as a mistake letting the children go down to the river. It is part of their natural environment, there is no way you can put restrictions on them not to go down to the Brandywine.

Nor do I feel that there is anything wrong with your parenting. There is nothing wrong in letting your children learn from their own mistakes, and as you said yourself there are some risks that need to be taken. Some are worth it, some are not. But they have to discover that for themselves. My dearest perian, we cannot keep our children locked up inside at all times. We must not teach them to be afraid of living. We all must come to our end one day, it is better to let our children live while they are alive than to forbid them to take risks.

When you said in your letter that Éowyn and Aramac jumped into the river to help Hamfast all I could think was how much they are like you. You, my friend, attacked the Lord of the Nazgûl when your friend needed help, heroism is in your blood. Teach your children to be like you, honest, trustworthy and courageous, and no matter what else you teach them you will not do anything wrong. We all make our own choices, though I do not know the circumstances around Hamfast's death I do believe he made his own choice in going down to the river. Éowyn and Aramac made their own choices in getting in the water, and with bad luck they might have drowned as well. We all make our own choices and decide what risks are worth taking. Do not blame yourself for the choices of others. You are a good father and a good friend.

Teach your children how to swim. Teach them how to be safe when they take risks. If they know how to swim they can be out on the Brandywine as much as they want to, you won't have to restrict their lives. That is the smartest thing a parent can do, to teach their children how to be safe in taking risks.

Be assured that my mind is with you, Meriadoc. If I could pour all of my strength into this letter and sent it to you, I would. But you are strong in yourself, and you will get past this. Teach that strength to your children also. You are in my heart, that I believe you know. It is a great honor that you say you can confide your thoughts and desires to me. What better proof of trust can one give a friend? Know that I have the same trust for you.

Do not let your heart be troubled by the gap you are feeling between yourself and Peregrin. I believe that the friendship that can end was never a real friendship to begin with, thus I do not fear that your friendship with the Thain has come to an end. I merely believe that you have grown a bit weary of each other's company and need some time apart, which would only be natural after fifty years. There might be a gap between you for some time yet to come, but eventually you will find your way back to each other. When you do, the time you have spent apart will have taught you to better appreciate one another. You will never lose Peregrin. He and I both understand the value of friendship, and neither would risk losing yours. As I am sure you would not risk losing ours, for you understand the importance of friendship better than anyone.

Keep yourself strong, and keep in mind that my heart is with you always. Please offer our condolences to Master Samwise, Lord Faramir, Elboron and I extend our hearts to them. You will all come through the night, dawn shall break once more. Your friends are with you.

With love, comfort and devotion,

Your Éowyn

Forgive me for killing of another Gamgee! I promise, I'll be good in the next chapter! Oh and by the way, before I forget, Magnifico is what Merry is called in the copy of the family trees that I've got. I believe it's Latin.

Please review! =)


	16. 1444

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Author's Note: This chapter is another one of those experimental pieces… and I should mention that there's more "adult material" than I usually write (which is part of my experiments), so if you don't like or approve of that kind of stuff then you'll have to pardon me =) It's nothing nc-17-ish or anything, but I still thought I'd mention it.

I have a new goal by the way, which is to post one chapter each week (aiming for Fridays as my post-day). Only time will tell if college agrees with me on that idea or not, but as I'm currently working on 1447 I will be able to keep posting weekly for at least another couple of weeks!

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Disclaimer: The usual drill… =) All characters, events and songs from "the Lord of the Rings" belong to JRR Tolkien.

"Goodnight!" Pippin said and stifled a yawn.

"Goodnight" Sam, Rose, Merry and Estella said in one voice.

Pippin gave them a tired wave and then followed Diamond into their old bedroom at Crickhollow. It was late in the evening of September 22nd, or more correctly early morning of September 23rd. They had been celebrating Bilbo and Frodo's 154th and 76th birthdays, or as Pippin felt it easier to call it, their 230th birthday. The children were all asleep, the adults were going to bed now as well. They had been sitting by the fire for hours now, and Pippin was tired.

He closed the door to his old bedroom and Diamond sat down on the bed. The intoxication he had felt earlier in the night was almost completely gone, but his head was still spinning a little. He was tired and longed for sleep. He unbuttoned his shirt and casually threw it on the bed, or more correctly on Diamond who happened to be sitting right where he threw it. She picked it up and folded it neatly before setting it aside.

"It's queer being back here" she said.

"Home's always home" Pippin objected.

"This was a home… Now it's a dusty old hole which needs a good deal more cleaning up than the Brandybucks did before tonight's party."

"Do you really wish to say such things about the place where our son was born?" Pippin asked and poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher Diamond had placed on the nightstand.

"Look at this place, it's far from in the good shape it was when Faramir was a baby. I would never have allowed it to look like this back then."

Pippin didn't reply. He was busy trying to finish his glass of water while unbuckling his belt. Perhaps he was still a bit more influenced by alcohol still than he thought. Either way it was not easy doing both at once. Diamond looked at him with questioning eyes for a minute before she rose from the bed.

"Is there a light on in the closet?" she asked.

"Oh for crying out loud Diamond, not tonight" Pippin moaned.

For some reason she was still, after all these years, apprehensive of changing into her nightgown in front of him. Pippin thought it was ridiculous, and right now he was not in the mood for her oddities. He put his glass down with a bang and finally with both hands got his belt open.

"I'll take a candle with me" Diamond said and grabbed one from the nightstand.

"Why do you always have to do this?" Pippin asked.

"Do what?"

"Can't you change in front of me? What's so horrible about that?"

Diamond blushed and looked away.

"For goodness sake, we've been married for what, fifteen years? Your shyness has lost its charm a long time ago."

"Pardon me" Diamond said irritably. "But I was not raised to be vulgar."

"Vulgar?" Pippin said. "Diamond… Don't you think I've seen a lot more of you than just your nightgown?"

"Now you're vulgar" Diamond said and blushed even worse.

"You can change in here, I'll close my eyes if I must" Pippin sighed, not up for the argument. "But you really need to start getting it into your head that it's no use hiding from me what I see quite often anyway."

"You be quiet" Diamond said. "It's not appropriate!"

"Why is that?" Pippin asked and sat down on the bed to pull his pants off. "I can see how it would be if we weren't married… But we are. And come to think of it, you didn't pay much respect to what was fitting and not before we were married!"

"We never did anything we weren't supposed to!"

"But you and I both wanted to. And we did everything else, it seems…"

"Can we please not have this conversation?"

Pippin sighed and threw his pants on the floor. Diamond sighed even heavier and picked them up. While she folded them she gave him an angry look.

"Do you have a problem with folding your clothes instead of just throwing them on the floor like that?"

"Just trying to start a fight, dear" Pippin said sarcastically.

Diamond sighed.

"I'll be in the closet. Don't throw anything else on the floor until I get back."

Sam and Rose both sat down on the bed in the room they had been given and looked at each other awkwardly. They had not shared a bed in over two years. It was easier that way.

Rosie rose and began to brush her long, curly hair. Sam looked around the room and tried to find something to say. Somehow they seemed like strangers to one another, they had not spent much time alone together for the past ten years, and when they did they rarely talked. Now talking was the only thing they had to do.

"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked.

"Yes. It was a fun party."

Sam nodded.

"What about you, did you have fun?" Rose asked.

"Yes. Though it's never the same without Frodo."

"He's been gone for twenty years. I would have thought by now you would have accustomed to him not being here."

"I have. But on his birthday, and in March, I really feel that I miss him."

"I'm sorry" Rose said and gave him a sympathetic look. "I wish he didn't have to sail into the West…"

"I wish that too. But it was better for him."

Rose put down the hairbrush and nodded slightly. She barely remembered Frodo Baggins. She had only known him for a short time and he had been gone for so long. But she knew Sam missed him. Poor Sam missed far too many things these days.

"It's been two and a half years now since Tolman…" she said. "And a year since Hamfast. Time goes by a lot faster than one would think." She paused. "Five years since Ruby… Twenty years or so since Frodo left… Where have all the years gone to, Sam?"

"We're still young!" Sam said cheerfully.

Rose scoffed. Who was he kidding? They were both past their prime by now.

"Okay, so maybe we're not as young as we were… But I for one think it's been a good twenty years!"

"You haven't had to birth another child every other year" Rose bitterly pointed out. Then she covered her mouth with her hand. "Goodness! Forgive me, I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean it."

"I think you did" Sam said and walked up to her. "And you're right." He paused. "We haven't really ever talked about this, have we?"

"It's not easy to talk about."

"Perhaps we should. I feel like there's been a distance between us, I want it sorted out!"

"Dear Sam…" Rose said and put her hand on his arm. "Two of our children have died in the past two years. It is not odd that our marriage has been different."

"We would have had thirteen if all had lived" Sam said. "Instead we have ten. It's more than most ever have."

"And they're all wonderful" Rose said with a smile. "Sam, I do not regret having birthed them all. Though I would not have chosen to have so many."

"You're an amazing lass, Rosie" Sam said. "And an amazing mother. And you are an amazing wife. It is I who have not been wonderful."

"You are, Sam" Rose said.

"I've been off being Mayor, leaving you to take care of all the children I give you. I ought to have stayed home and helped you out!"

"You are a fine Mayor" Rose said. "And you do care for the children. Do not give yourself criticism you do not deserve."

"You're not mad at me for not being more helpful over the years?"

"No I'm not mad" Rose said. "Really, I'm not."

"Thank you, Rose" Sam said with a relieved smile and gave her a hug.

"You're welcome" Rose said.

Sam smiled and went back to sit on the bed. He looked at the bed, then at Rose, then back at the bed. He couldn't help but laugh a little.

"So here we are… Back in a bedroom together."

"Here we are."

"I promise I will leave you alone tonight."

"I know you will."

Sam sighed slightly.

"You miss it, don't you?" Rose asked.

Sam nodded. Rose nodded too. There was not much to say. They could not change the facts.

Estella fumbled with the pins in her hair, trying to get them out. It was not very comfortable to have them in when she laid down, and it was not easy getting them out while she was lying either. She wondered why she had even worn pins tonight. She could have figured out that this was going to happen.

"I need to get the pins out of my hair" she said to Merry.

He mumbled something in return and sat up, allowing her to sit as well. While she worked on her pins he began working on the buttons on his shirt. Somehow he managed to be done before she was, and threw his shirt on the floor. He then began working on her dress, and Estella couldn't help but wish he would slow down just a little. They had all night.

"Are you in a hurry, Master Brandybuck?" she teased.

"Estella you talk too much" Merry replied and kissed her neck.

"I was once told it was charming."

"It was. Once. How many pins do you have in your hair?"

"Seven."

"How many left?"

"Three."

Merry muttered something not very flattering about her use of pins in her hair, then continued to kiss her neck. Estella smiled and continued fiddling with her pins. On purpose she took much longer time with them than she needed, she found it amusing to get Merry a bit frustrated. A little lesson in patience could perhaps do him good.

After a minute he stopped working on her dress and instead tried to get the two remaining pins out of her hair. But with his eyes still closed as he was kissing her neck he couldn't locate the pins and only managed to mess up her hair. Finally his mouth left her neck and he looked up.

"What is wrong with these pins?" he muttered.

"Patience, darling."

With a moan of frustration he got off the bed and located his shirt on the floor. Folding it nicely he began to hum a melody, and as he put the shirt on a chair he sang a few notes from one of his favorite songs. Now that he had found something else to do for a few minutes Estella could get her pins out without any problem. She listened to him singing for a while, and the atmosphere in the room seemed to change. There was something melancholy over it now. Estella was slightly taken by how fast Merry's mood had changed.

As he began on the second verse she rose from the bed and got out of her clothes and into her nightgown. She listened to him sing and realised it was unusual. He had not sung since he returned from Gondor. When she thought about it, she remembered that he had once said that singing for him was something that was strongly connected to Pippin. They had always sung together. Perhaps that was the reason why she hadn't heard him sing for so long.

As Merry sang the third verse she got into bed and pulled the covers over her. The gigglish mood she had been in earlier was gone. It was not really a sad song he sang, but the way he sang it made it seem melancholy. It was queer with him, he could so easily turn joy into sadness and the other way around. It was one of his best traits, and at the same time one of his biggest faults.

Merry walked up to the bed, still singing, and looked down at Estella with melancholy in his eyes. She had been right in thinking it had been a long time since last he sang. Save for lullabies he had not sung a tune since his journey home from Gondor. And she was right about the reason for it. Singing was something he had always done with Pippin. How did one sing alone? But it seemed like he would have to learn.

"_Fire and lamp, and meat and bread_" he sang and pulled the covers off Estella. "_And then to bed! And then to bed!_"

He got in the bed right next to her and pulled the covers back over them. Placing an arm across her chest he began kissing her, this time with emotion and the melancholy he had had in his song, rather than eagerness and passion. Even though there was great sadness in his kisses now, Estella found she preferred them to those he had given her just a short while ago. These seemed honest, the other ones had felt like a mask he had put on to hide how he really felt.

With his left hand, the one draped across her, he played with some curls in her hair. Her hair was shorter now than it usually was, she had tired of having to spend so much time maintaining it and had cut it in length with her shoulders in the beginning of the year. By now it had grown roughly five centimeters, and as it was no longer held up by the pins it was spread across the pillows.

She placed her hand on the back of his head and stroke his neck. This was how she liked him, gentle and with emotion. He had not been like this for a long time.

"And then to bed!" she whispered in his ear.

"Leave one candle burning, Pippin!" Diamond said.

Pippin nodded and blew out the rest before he got back into bed. Diamond was brushing through her long hair and Pippin wished she would do that before she got into bed. Now there would be strains of hair everywhere.

"It is inappropriate to brush ones hair in bed and get hair all over the place where two people will sleep, wouldn't you agree?" he said, only half jesting.

"Sorry" she said and put the brush down on the nightstand.

Pippin looked at her for a minute with a frown and then scooted a little closer.

"How come the thought of me seeing you with little clothes on makes you blush?" he asked. "I don't understand it."

"It is not appropriate" she told him again. "What I don't understand is how it can bother you so much."

"I just don't like knowing that there are things you feel you cannot do in front of me. We should be completely comfortable around each other after all these years. How can there still be things you feel you can not show me?"

"It has nothing to do with that" Diamond said and gently caressed his cheek. "I am completely comfortable around you, darling."

"So you can answer whatever question I ask you and you will feel all right with it?" Pippin asked doubtingly.

"Not **any** question" Diamond said and once again blushed. "A lass has her secrets."

"Any question about us, then?"

"What is it that you want to ask?"

"I don't know" Pippin said and shrugged his shoulders. "I just want to know that you're comfortable talking to me."

"I've never said I was" Diamond pointed out. "I thought you were upset about me not wanting to change clothes in front of you."

"If you're not comfortable doing that, then you might not be comfortable talking to me either" Pippin said. "But I'm sorry. Forgive me, I should not bother you like this. If you don't want to talk, then what can I do?"

Diamond looked at him and felt bad when she saw the sad look on his face. She knew he had had a rough couple of years and felt guilty. The last thing he needed was to feel there were problems between them. He was used to being able to confide anything in people close to him, it had to be hard on him that he could not do so with his wife.

"Peregrin, how about this… I ask you one question that you have to answer, and then you ask me one that I have to answer."

"What do you want to know?" Pippin asked.

"How come you don't sing anymore? You always sang before, but you haven't in recent years."

Pippin sighed and thought about it for a minute.

"You know… I haven't realised it myself. But you're right. I don't sing anymore. I guess it's due to Merry and how his and my friendship has faded… We always sang together, Merry and I. It is difficult singing when you're on your own."

Diamond nodded.

"I am sorry, Pippin…"

"So I get to ask you something now?" Pippin asked to avoid having to get into the subject of himself and Merry. He did not want to discuss it right now.

"What do you want to know?"

"I'll have to think about it…" Pippin said. "It's hard coming up with a question out of the blue…" He paused and gave it some thought. Suddenly something came to mind. "I've been thinking lately… Sam and Rose, they sleep in different bedrooms now so that she won't be pregnant again. I've heard from Merry that Rose in the last years of them sharing a bed did not enjoy their intimacy. Is that how you feel?"

Diamond blushed and looked away.

"For you never seem to enjoy it" Pippin continued. "You're always so quiet."

"One of us has to be" she joked.

"Come now Dimesy, I'm serious… Do you wish me to leave you alone in bed?"

"No" Diamond said and forced herself to look at him. "I don't. But it's part of why I do not change my clothes in front of you. It's not appropriate. I was taught that you should never be as unashamed as that you make any sounds."

Pippin shook his head in disbelief. Some of her ways were just unintelligible to him.

"Did you ever think things were going to be this way?" Sam asked as they got into bed. "Between you and I, I mean?"

"That we would be sleeping in different rooms? No…"

"What did you expect of our future when we were married?"

"Truth be told I had no expectations" Rose said. "I just thought we would be married and we would have children, perhaps four or five, and we would live happily ever after. Turns out I missed the mark by nearly two thirds!"

"Four or five might have been a good number" Sam said. "But it makes me wonder which four or five we would single out?"

"That's not what I meant" Rose said and looked frightened. "I would not have either one of the children not born! All I meant was that…"

"That if you had to do it again you would have wanted only five" Sam finished the sentence for her. "To be honest Rose, Tom should never have been born. He didn't even live to see this world, and you nearly died with him!"

"I don't see it that way" Rose said. "He's our son as much as Frodo or Pippin…"

Sam stared at the ceiling for a second and pondered his years as a father.

"I think… I might have wanted many children to compensate for all that I've lost" he then said. "Through having lots of children I sought to fill the voids of things I've lost in my life. And they have. They've filled more voids than I've ever had. They're good children."

"Yes they are" Rose said with a slight smile. "All of them are."

"I remember when Elanor was little" Sam said with a smile. "How fair she was even then. Sometimes when I look at her now I cannot believe how grown up she's become! And how fair she is still!"

"They call her Elanor the Fair" Rose said. "The lads run after her each time she goes to a party. I wonder if she won't be leaving us soon to marry."

"Not until she's thirty" Sam said.

"The way time seems to fly, she will be before long" Rose said.

"It's strange… But we will lose all of them. Elanor will marry, and she will leave Bag End to live with her husband. Perhaps he is not from Hobbiton! Perhaps she will move further away. She will marry, move and we will lose her."

"It's not the same as losing them the way we lost our Hamfast" Rose pointed out.

"No it isn't… Yet lose them we will. Even if they come by their old home every day we will lose them. Even Frodo, if he stays at Bag End to later inherit it. He won't be our little boy anymore, he will be a grown Hobbit, possibly with his own wife and children."

"Children grow up, Samwise" Rose said with a sigh and turned to lie on her side. "They're supposed to. Don't worry so much about it."

Sam nodded. They fell silent for a while. All that was heard was the ticking of the old clock on the wall. It was sometime after midnight and time to go to sleep. Yet sleep would not come this night, it seemed.

"Rose…" Sam said after a while.

"Yes Sam?"

"It's good to share a bed with you again. In a chaste way, I mean."

"It's been a long time since we've slept next to each other, hasn't it?"

"And I'm afraid it's going to continue to be. At least for another five years or so while you still can have children."

"And then what?" Rose asked.

"Then… then it will be up to you whether or not you want me back in your bed" Sam said after some hesitation. He had not expected her to question what would happen once they could sleep together again.

"We'll see" Rose said.

"Do you really feel so strongly against it?" Sam asked. "Why did you never say anything about it to me?"

"How do you tell your spouse something like that?" Rose asked. "I didn't want to hurt you, dear Sam."

"Instead you let me hurt you!" Sam said. "And I'm not happy about it! I want you to tell me when there's something that needs to stop happening, or start happening. I never want to hurt you again without knowing that I do!"

"You won't have to" Rose said.

They smiled slightly at each other. Rose reached out her hand and placed it over Sam's.

Merry's breath was hot in Estella's ear, it was getting close to uncomfortable. She wished he wouldn't breathe directly into her ear in this manner. Not only was it hot, but it tickled. But that was her only complaint right now.

Gently she lifted up her hand and guided Merry's mouth from her ear to her lips, and they kissed with a sense of serenity she had never experienced in this situation before. There was still such melancholy over him, even though she knew that he was not sad in this moment there was still something sorrowful about him.

She ran her hand through his curls and then caressed his neck. After a few moments she let her hand trail down his back and rested it at the small of his back. She ran her other hand up and down his back, following the slightly curved line of his spine. Merry's hands were each on one side of her head, close enough for her to be able to turn her head and kiss one of them.

Merry was heavy, but unusually slim. Ever since his years serving the lords of Rohan and Ithilien he had liked to exercise and keep himself in good shape. He also knew that if he were to travel south it would be much easier if he wasn't overweight. Estella was thankful that he kept in good physics, he would be far too heavy for her otherwise.

"Merry…" she moaned in his ear when they broke the kiss.

He didn't answer. He never did. He never spoke when they were intimate, other than to tell her to be quiet. It was as if he was too concentrated to be able to waste effort on talking. Estella had once wondered if all lads were like this, but Diamond had told her that Pippin talked constantly. Somehow she didn't find that hard to imagine. But it was just characteristic for the two, Pippin would be talkative and Merry quiet and focused.

"Merry…" she moaned again.

Merry blew air into her ear and wished she would be quiet. He lifted himself up to look at her and wondered why she always felt the need to talk. It was as if she had to stay active even when lying still, she kept active by talking. He smiled slightly at her face, the face he loved so dearly and could see clear traces of in most of his children's faces. She had her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open. He wanted to kiss her but held back for now.

Instead of kissing her lips he lowered himself back down and began placing kisses on other parts of her face. He heard her chuckle slightly as he kissed her forehead, her eyebrows, her eyelids, cheeks, nose and chin. Teasingly he kissed the corners of her mouth, but when she opened her mouth more to kiss him he went back to kissing her forehead again. He repeated the procedure a few times until finally she opened her eyes and grabbed his head between her hands. She pulled him to her and kissed him hard on the mouth, this time making Merry chuckle. The kiss soon turned deeper and more passionate, and she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer.

This was the way he preferred it. Estella was not speaking, only moaning, and her hands were caressing him. She followed him in his rhythm and let him decide the pace. They had all night, and neither of them was in a rush.

Eventually they stopped kissing and Merry rested his face by her neck. Estella's right hand caressed the back of his head and tried to untangle a few tangled curls she came across. Always moving about, always occupying her hands with some task. She was much different from her brother, who never moved unless he had to.

"Darling…" she mumbled in his ear.

Merry gently shushed her. He was once again breathing hot into her ear and to avoid it she turned her head. Her eyes fell on his left hand, and she looked at it with wonder. She looked at her own left hand draped across his back, and saw how it glistered from the candlelight reflected in the golden ring on her finger. She turned her eyes back to Merry's hand. It did not glister. His hand was free of jewellery. It had been custom among Hobbits for the past hundred years that both husband and wife wore wedding rings, but Merry had not wanted to. It had made Estella furious when she found out, but he had been hard-core on the subject. No matter what she said, he had refused to change his mind. In the end she had given up.

"I know not all rings are of evil" she remembered that he had said. "But I don't want one on my finger. I don't need a ring to know that I have a wife."

But his right hand was not without rings. His right middle-finger carried one, and it was a sore spot for Estella. They never spoke of it, for Estella knew it was no use. When his mind was set on something there was no way to change it. She wasn't even sure she would want him to. The way he stood up for his principles and decisions was a great part of who he was and she didn't want to change him. But in some ways he was just too queer.

"Merry…" she whispered again in his ear.

"Estella…" he whispered in response. "Be quiet."

"I cannot change what I was taught growing up" Diamond said and twirled the wedding ring on her left hand.

"But after all these years you shouldn't still be tied down by it" Pippin said. Then he sighed and laid back down on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Let's not talk about this anymore… I'm too tired to discuss this. We won't be getting anywhere anyway."

"But things are good between us, right?" Diamond asked. "Even though I have some of my oddities, and you sure do have yours, we still have a good relationship, right?"

"Yes" Pippin said. "I have no other complaints."

"You know, Pip… I'm sorry about you and Merry. Though I have never liked how your whole life seems to be about him, I do not enjoy this situation between you."

"I know you don't."

"He is still as big a part of your life as he was before. He always will be. Only now that fact causes you pain."

Pippin didn't answer. Diamond wondered if she had taken a wrong path with this conversation. This was no doubt a very difficult subject for Pippin. But he had said earlier that they could talk about everything with one another. They should be able to talk about this too.

"What happened between you?" she asked.

"Ask Merry" Pippin said. "For I'll be damned if I know."

"Merry's the problem?"

"I never wanted this situation to arise."

"But he did?"

"Leave it be, Diamond" Pippin snarled. Then he softened a bit. "Please… It's still hard to talk about it. It's like he cut off half of me, but only halfway. So now that other half is still attached to me, but yet its not, and the wound grows more infected by the day. I wish he were to just cut it off completely and be done with it!"

"Do you really wish that?" Diamond said. "Life without Merry, can you do that?"

"If I have to" Pippin said. "In truth, no, I can't. But I can't do this life either. Am I with him or without him? How will I ever know unless he finally breaks the bond completely or comes back to me?"

"He will come back" Diamond said.

"What makes you so sure?"

"For he is one half of you" Diamond said. "Haven't you always said so to me? That you are him and he is you! He needs that every bit as much as you do!"

"To be honest Dimesy I've always felt like I need Merry a bit more than he needs me… He has lived without me, I have never lived without him. He was always the one who took care of me, he never needed me to care for him. He has never needed me in the same way."

"It will be all right…" Diamond said. "Everything will be. Remember that things are always darker before dawn."

"There are some days that have no dawn" Pippin said, speaking from experience. "Some days when the sky is dark even at noon. Days when all hope has faded."

"But it will not be this day."

Pippin looked at her and managed to smile slightly. Poor Diamond. Her happiness was as dependent on Merry as his own, for she could never be happy unless the one she spent her life with was happy too. She had married more than she had ever expected to. In a way, she had married the fellowship.

Diamond gave him a kiss and curled up next to him. He was melancholy now, the grumpiness from earlier in the night was gone. Somehow it was comforting that he was in this mood, at least when he was like this she knew how to handle it.

"We both do have our oddities" she said. "Perhaps all we can do is accept that which is odd with the other person?"

She kissed his cheek and watched him watch the ceiling. She would give anything to hear him sing again. He had said that singing was not done without Merry. How much would be lost in Pippin if Merry left his side for good?

"The question is, which one of us has more oddities?" Pippin said. "Me with Merry, the fellowship, Gondor… Or you with your shyness?"

"Perhaps our oddities can cancel each other out" Diamond suggested.

"Perhaps" Pippin nodded.

Diamond closed her eyes and with a content sigh began to drift off to sleep. Pippin was awake now, his sleepiness had left him. Perhaps it was time to let Merry go. Why not let Diamond be the most important friend and relationship in his life?

Sam woke up by Rose shifting in the bed. He frowned slightly but closed his eyes to go back to sleep. However Rose turned again. She kept twisting and turning, making it difficult for him to go back to sleep. Finally he opened his eyes and sat up to look at her.

"Why are you twisting about so much? Can't you lie still?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. My thoughts are keeping me up."

"Do they have to keep me up as well?" Sam asked. He was cranky.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

Sam lay back down and closed his eyes. But just as he was about to fall asleep Rose shifted and woke him up again. Angrily he reached out his hand and slapped her pillow.

"Quit turning!"

"I'm sorry" Rose said again.

She couldn't relax and go to sleep, the thoughts were too many in her head. It felt odd to be in the same bed with Sam again. She had never gotten much sleep in the beds she shared with him. She managed to lie still for a while, but by now Sam was awake. With a sigh he got out of bed and lit a candle.

"Do we have any water here?" he asked.

"No."

"I'm thirsty."

Pulling a robe around him he left with the candle to find some water. He hadn't been at Crickhollow for ages, in the dark he had some trouble finding his way to the kitchen. Chills went down his spine as he walked down the dark and quiet halls. This was where it had all begun. This was where the conspiracy had been unmasked and the first formations of the Fellowship had set out on their long and dangerous journey. It had all begun here.

How scared he had been that night. He had known he would go where Mister Frodo went, and nowhere else, to whatever end that might be. But he had still been afraid. The world was vast and filled with unknown dangers. He wondered if he had set out on the journey if he'd know what they would encounter. But Mister Frodo never had a choice, and Sam had to follow him. He would have gone.

He passed by Pippin and Diamond's bedroom. Not a sound was heard. The house was so quiet. Too quiet. It left Sam alone with his thoughts.

He found his way to the kitchen and got himself some water. Perhaps it was the memory of the night they'd spent in Crickhollow before their departure, but Sam felt as thirsty as he had in Mordor. He drank and drank, there didn't seem to be enough water in the world to still his thirst. And then he had to pee. He walked outside into the chilly night and hesitated for a moment before he closed the door behind him. Suddenly Crickhollow felt like a nice, warm and welcoming place. The September night was cold and foggy, the surroundings looked spooky. Half expecting a ringwraith to come riding up to the house at any moment, Sam quickly peed and hurried back inside.

On his way back he passed by Merry and Estella's bedroom. All was quiet there too. Crickhollow was asleep. Sam's thoughts were awake. Would there ever be life without problems, he wondered. Knowing that he would not be able to sleep now he went to the nearest sitting room and sat down there by the fireplace that hadn't been used in well over five years.

In many ways life had been easier the first time he spent the night at Crickhollow. A dangerous journey was ahead of them that night, but life was somehow so simple. Staying alive was all that mattered, and keeping Mister Frodo alive. There were no other worries than that. All that mattered was staying alive and keeping your strength.

Now things were different. Not only did he have to worry about the survival and well being of his ten children, he had problems with their mother. Something was not right between him and Rose, no matter what she said. A wedge had been driven between them through the years, somewhere along the road they had forgotten why they were married and only produced children together. They had to find a way back to each other. He loved her too much to let her go. And he didn't want her to be unhappy.

For twenty years he had thought only of himself, never giving a thought to what Rosie went through to give life to their children. He should have seen it, should have seen how spent she was and how she took only discomfort in their intimacy. But he had been too busy to notice. Too busy with the children, too busy being the Mayor of the Shire. They had barely seen each other at all during the days, only when they had dinner or ran into each other in the halls. They should have sat down and talked about their marriage a long time ago. Maybe if they had, Rose wouldn't have nearly been killed at childbirth. Maybe they would still be sleeping in the same bed each night.

The room was quiet and peaceful. Estella and Merry were spooned in the bed, their right hands entwined and held up above the sheets. Both their eyes were for some reason on their hands, and with their fingers they played simple games. Stretching, clenching, moving sideways and front and back. Their fingers moved as one.

Estella was at complete peace. She loved moments like these, just the two of them in the night. There was something so innocent about these moments, it was only the two of them without any desires to be anywhere else or do anything else.

Merry was not as melancholy anymore. He seemed to be at peace as well. Right now he had no thoughts of people he missed, places he longed to or problems he needed to solve. Right now all he had to do was lie there and enjoy the moment.

Not a word was said between them. They were as silent as the room itself. Even their breaths were quiet now. It was often that way, everything would be silent until they both drifted off to sleep. But it had not always been like that.

This moment had been a time when they would talk about everything and anything. They could share thoughts with each other that didn't seem fitting at any other time, they could discuss almost anything in these moments. That was the way it had been. But now it was a moment of silence. Ever since Merry's return from Gondor it had been moments of silence. It made Estella wonder with sadness. How come everything seemed to be silence since Merry's return?

"Darling…" she said, determined to break the silence.

"Yes?"

"What's on your mind?"

There was a pause.

"Nothing's on my mind."

"Something has to be."

"No, nothing… Just enjoying the silence."

"You do that a lot these days" Estella said.

"I have less silence than you think" Merry said, hoping she wouldn't start a fight. "When I can find a moment, I enjoy it."

"We used to talk…" she said.

He didn't answer. Estella wished he would tell her what was wrong. Surely this couldn't have to do with Peregrin. He had some other reason for not talking and she wanted to know what it was.

"We used to talk after we'd made love" she repeated.

"You talk during" Merry said and chuckled.

"You don't. You never talk at all anymore, it seems. Not with me, anyway."

"What do you want me to talk about?"

"What goes on in your head."

"I wasn't thinking much" Merry said. "I was just enjoying the moment. I was thinking of how great it is to be here with you, in these moments when it feels like we're the only two Hobbits in the world. And I know that it is all I need and all I could ask for. They are perfect moments."

"Is that really how you feel?" Estella asked. "Sometimes I wonder… I don't feel like I can give you all that you want and need. I often feel inadequate."

"I don't always need Rohan and the Fellowship and my past adventures…" Merry said. "All I want in these moments is you."

"That's what I want too…" Estella said. "But I want us to talk. We never talk anymore when we're together like this. In fact, you hardly talk to me at all once we're in a bedroom."

"Yes I do" Merry chuckled and blew air into her ear.

"Will you stop blowing air into my ear like that?"

Merry kissed her ear instead of blowing into it, and she nuzzled closer to him.

"This is how I like it best…" she said. "Talking, playing around a bit, getting cosy…"

"This is indeed very nice" Merry said. "And you're right. It is nicer when we talk. I don't know why I've been so quiet lately."

"Neither do I" Estella said. "But as with most other things it began after you came back from Gondor. What happened there, Merry?"

"Nothing happened" Merry said. "It just coincided with things changing, I guess…"

"What things?"

"I'm getting tired of talking" Merry said and began to kiss her neck.

Estella knew he was only avoiding answering. And she thought she knew why. It had to do with Pippin. But if he didn't want to talk about it then there was nothing she could do. She hoped he would confide in her when he felt like it. In the meantime, he could continue kissing her if he wished. She sure didn't mind.

Diamond had a strange dream. She was walking through the woods with Faramir, and he was singing. It was a song she knew from before, but her son sang it with a melancholy that made it seem like a different song. The woods were cold, yet the sun was shining and everything around her was bright. Faramir seemed unconcerned, in spite of his melancholy singing.

__

Upon the hearth the fire is red,

Beneath the roof there is a bed;

But not yet weary are our feet,

Still round the corner we may meet

A sudden tree or standing stone

That none have seen but we alone.

Tree and flower and leaf and grass,

Let them pass! Let them pass!

Hill and water under the sky,

Pass them by! Pass them by!

Suddenly Diamond and Faramir were no longer in the woods. They were standing in what appeared to be a large citadel. There was a white tree, that turned into a huge, treelike creature. She could hear a thundering voice speaking, and a man's voice crying out in despair. With her was still Faramir, and he was still singing.

__

Still round the corner there may wait

A new road or a secret gate,

And though we pass them by today,

Tomorrow we may come this way

And take the hidden paths that run

Towards the Moon or to the Sun.

Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe,

Let them go! Let them go!

Sand and stone and pool and dell,

Fare you well! Fare you well!

Diamond woke up. She realised she was in the bed at Crickhollow, and it had only been a dream. There were no citadels with white trees, or forests that seemed cold in the middle of a hot day, or treelike creatures speaking to her. She was in her old bedroom and all was fine.

She realised she could still hear the singing. It was not Faramir, it was Peregrin. He had taken the candle they had left burning and was now sitting on the windowsill looking out into the night. And he was singing his melancholy song.

__

Home is behind, the world ahead,

And there are many paths to tread

Through shadows to the edge of night,

Until the stars are all alight.

The world behind and home ahead,

We'll wander back to home and bed.

Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,

Away shall fade! Away shall fade!

Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,

And then to bed! And then to bed!

His song ended and he turned his head to look at her. When he found her awake he smiled slightly. Diamond had tears in her eyes, she was so touched to have heard him sing again. She didn't know it, but he had made his choice. Merry or no, he would not let his life come to a halt no matter what his friend decided. He would focus on Diamond instead. And he would sing for her.

Diamond got out of bed and took a few steps toward him. She stopped, tears still falling down her cheeks yet smiling. Then to both her own surprise and Pippin's she pulled her nightgown over her head and let it fall to the floor. Pippin stared at her with wide eyes. She reached out her hand to him.

"Dimesy?"

"And then to bed!"

Sam found Rose awake when he came back to their room. She was sitting by the mirror, combing her hair once more. How often had he not seen her like this? Combing her hair before she went to bed. Fifty strokes each time.

"You're still awake" he noted.

"You took long" she replied.

"I was very thirsty."

She nodded and put her comb down. Their eyes met in the mirror. Both were unsure of what to say or do.

"So many nights I watched you comb your hair before you went to bed" Sam said eventually. "I miss seeing that."

"I'm sorry" she said and looked down at the brush.

"How long are we going to go on like this?" Sam said and sighed deeply. "We're always apologising for something. Always avoiding to talk about something. Whatever happened to the way we were, Rose?"

"Life happened, Samwise" Rose said. "Things changed. It was not your fault and it was not my fault. Things changed."

"I want **us** back" Sam said. "We were in love once, and I know we are still!"

"We just don't have time to be in love" Rose said.

"We have to make time then" Sam said. "Don't you know that it is the most important thing of all? It's the foundation for our lives, for our children's upbringing!"

"Sam, we are not raising more than half our children" Rose said. "Elanor and Rose, they're more mother to Primsy, Daisy and Bilbo than I am! And the oldest don't need a mother anymore, they're starting to live their own lives. Somehow it seems half of them passed us by!"

"We are more than just the children."

"We were once. But it's been a long time since it's been about anything but them. They come first, Sam."

Rose put her comb aside and went back to bed. Sam followed her.

"So this is just how it's going to be then?" he asked.

"Give it time, Samwise" Rose said. "We've been through a lot. Tom's death, Ham's death. And maybe sometimes things don't have to be wonderful. Maybe we're allowed to have times in our marriage when we feel like we're more apart than together. It will turn out all right in the end, so don't worry."

"Maybe you're right" Sam said, though he didn't see how she could be.

"I think I am" Rose said and blew out the candle she had had lit when she brushed her hair. "Now goodnight, Samwise. Tomorrow is another day and we can talk more then. I'm tired and I want to get some sleep."

"Goodnight Rose" Sam said and blew out his candle too.

The room went dark and they both closed their eyes to sleep. But neither could go to sleep just yet. They were unused to sharing a bed, yet at the same time they were very used to it. But it was strange to both to share a bed as friends rather than lovers.

How did they ever end up like this, Sam wondered. Things had been so wonderful when they were first married. Rose had been the answer to all of his dreams and prayers, she gave him a real home, wonderful children and lots of love. How could it have come to where they were now?

Sam liked to dream back to how things had been all those years ago. He remembered how he would work in the garden, and Elanor and Frodo would play together in the grass. Rose would finish her household work as soon as she could and then sit outside with the baby, just enjoying the sun and the surroundings. How happy they had been back then. There was no reason why they could not be so happy now. Even with what had happened with Ruby, Tom and Ham they could still have a happier family life than they did.

Sam imagined what it would be like. Frodo would be working in the garden, Merry would be tending to the animals and Pippin would be playing with his younger brothers in the grass. Out of the older children, Pippin was the by far most playful one who loved wrestling with his younger brothers and always had time to play with them. And while he played with them, young Rose and Elanor would sit in the wicker chairs and work on their sowing. Their mother would be relaxed in a chair with Primsy in her lap, listening to something Daisy read from a book. Sam wished it could only be like that. Perhaps it could be.

Perhaps all Rose needed was a little time. They all needed time after what had happened last summer. No matter how wonderful the scenario was in Sam's head, it had one big fault. Hamfast was not in it. With a sigh Sam realised that things could never be as good as they once were.

Estella came close to hitting her head on the headboard and looked up at it with slightly startled eyes. She couldn't help but laugh and Merry shook his head at her like she was crazy. Taking it as a challenge she rolled him over with all her force. It took all she had to roll him, he was a lot heavier than she was.

They kissed with heat and passion, and continuing to roll they came close to rolling off the bed. Both had to laugh at how close they'd come to rolling off. Through an unspoken agreement they rolled back into the middle of the bed and then stayed there. It was safer that way.

They looked into each other's eyes for a minute, then Estella's eyes fell on the scar above Merry's eyebrow. It was a dark and ugly scar, it looked like the wound had been painful. When she had asked Merry had responded that the wound had not been as painful as the treatment. It was some kind of orc that had caused him that injury a long time ago, yet the scar was still prominent. It had taken her years to find out what had caused him the injury and she had yet to find out where it had happened and for what reason. She would never know more than half about his life, it seemed.

With her fingertips she gently traced the line of the scar. Getting a bit philosophical she wished the scar would be able to tell her more of how it had gotten there. Merry closed up each time she tried to talk about his adventure. She envied Rose, who had heard the full story before she and Sam were married.

Merry felt her fingers brush his scar, and he wondered why she did that. He hated that scar, it anything but adorned his face. And it was a constant memory of days he wished he could forget, days of torture, fatigue and fear. He knew she wanted to know about it, but he also knew she deep down didn't want to. If she knew, she would be longing back to the days when she didn't know. There was far too much humiliation in his past for him to want her to know of it.

The thoughtful look on her face went away as she closed her eyes in pleasure. A smile appeared on his face. For the time being she had forgotten all about journeys and scars and secrets he wouldn't reveal. She had that look on her face that he knew meant she felt pleasure. He loved making her look like that.

She began to mumble his name and wrapped her legs around his waist. This time he let her talk. He had just promised they would talk more. That promise would probably have to be valid even in these moments. Acting on an impulse he lowered himself down, blew into her ear and then whispered into it.

"Darling…"

"What?" she mumbled and waited for the continuation that would tell her to be silent.

"Darling…" Merry repeated.

Her eyes suddenly opened.

"What did you say?" she asked.

Keeping in a chuckle Merry ignored her question and nibbled her ear. She soon forgot what the question had been in the first place and closed her eyes again.

"Estella…" he moaned in her ear.

This time her eyes opened wide and she momentarily lost her focus on what they were in the middle of. She stared at him as if he had been a goblin and for a moment worried that he might be coming down with something. Perhaps he had finally lost his mind, as her mother had predicted he would for a long time now.

When he noticed that she had gotten sidetracked he stopped what he was doing and lifted himself up to look at her. Both stared at each other with worried eyes.

"Is everything all right?" he asked worriedly.

"I was just about to ask **you**!"

"Everything's fine with me."

"But you **spoke**!"

Merry laughed and resumed where he had left off.

"We did agree to talk more, did we not?" he whispered in her ear.

She laughed and pulled him as close as she could.

"Indeed we did… Indeed we did."

"Never let it be said that I don't stand by my word!"

"Merry… be quiet."

They both grinned at each other and then concentrated on what they had been doing when Merry's talking interrupted them. Estella let her hands run up and down his back, the back which she knew so well. Strange how she knew his back better than his past.

The last clear thought in her head was that if this was the new Merry, the Merry who was without Pippin, then she would not mind it one little bit.

The next morning Estella and Merry were the last to get to the breakfast table. The children were all feasting upon the leftovers from the night before, but Rose had made a more proper breakfast for the adults. Both Sam and Pippin had preferred eating the leftovers, but Rose had insisted that they let the children have the better meal this time.

When Merry and Estella joined the rest most of the food had already been eaten. The children were still bickering over the corn and the roast beef, other than that there were no traces of the meal they'd had last night. Rose was still frying eggs for the adults and Merry couldn't help kidnapping half of one from the frying pan. He was starved.

Pippin and Diamond were seated in their old spots by the dinner table. Pippin's left arm was wrapped around Diamond's waist and she held his left hand in hers. They were both in great spirits this morning, even though they hadn't gotten as much sleep as they might have needed. But when Pippin looked at Merry he felt a sting in his heart. When his cousin had first entered the kitchen Pippin's initial thought had been that he couldn't wait to be alone with Merry and tell him all about the past night, then he had realised that those days were gone. Merry would probably still listen, but not with the interest Pippin wanted from him, and not with a lot of participation in the conversation. Pippin had to shake his head hard to clear his mind off these thoughts. He had made up his mind the night before. From now on, Diamond was the most important adult in his life. Until Merry came around, if he ever did, Pippin would focus on her.

Sam was also in a good mood this morning. His head was still filled with daydreams of how wonderful their lives could be at Bag End once more, even though he was painfully aware that it would never be the same without Hamfast. Life would still have to be lived even without his son, and it would someday have to be lived with real joy.

Rose served him some more eggs and placed a kiss on his cheek. With a smile Sam felt in his heart that Rose knew it too. One day things would be good again. Rose still loved him, and they would be fine.

Merry and Estella sat down opposite Diamond and Pippin and began to feast at whatever food was left. Both were starved and ate as if they hadn't seen food in weeks. Rose only shook her head at them and served them more eggs until they were all out. Then she fished out a basket with apples saved from the night before and placed it on the table.

"Rose, you are amazing!" Pippin exclaimed. "Where did you find these? I thought we ate them all last night!"

"I saved some" Rose said. "Though I see now that someone must have been aware of where I hid them. There were ten apples there last night, now there are only three! I was hoping us adults could have at least one apple each, as a treat from last night's feast."

Sam, Pippin and Merry shared a look and then dove for the apples at the same time. The three received some angry cries from their wives, but neither one of them cared. Apples were apples, and if you snooze you lose.

The three ate their apples with huge grins on their faces. Three Hobbits, the best of friends yet quite different from one another. One shy and reserved, one open and talkative and one thoughtful and concerned. Three friends, and three very different marriages.

No more experimental pieces for a while… =) In the next chapter there's the tragedy element again, although this time I'm leaving the Gamgees out of it! Next chapter will include Pippin and Merry dealing with their current situation. Dr. Phil could have a field day ;) See you all next Friday, I would love reviews as usual =)


	17. 1445

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Author's Note: So far so good, it's Friday and another chapter is up! Today I finished my 260th page for this fanfic (boy do I need to get a life!) so I've got a few more chapters waiting on my harddrive as well. As promised, Merry and Pippin will finally put their friendship to the test in this chapter. No more setting it aside for other plotlines =) Do or die! My last chapter got both positive and not so positive reviews, perhaps I'm not ready for that kind of writing yet. In either case I'd like to thank both those who were positive to the chapter and those who were negative! All reviews are helpful! I said last week that I wouldn't do any experimental pieces for a while, but I kinda' lied a bit. This has a segment which is me experimenting with the concept of Song Fics. The format itself has never been for me, but I used a song, actually two songs, in the text. Instead of writing the lyrics down and weaving thoughts and comments around them I turned the lyrics into the characters' thoughts. More or less. Some re-writes, some of my own stuff involved. Anyway, aside from that there's nothing experimental about this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy!

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Zebra Wallpaper – thank you for your review! I'm really glad you like the series, I hope you'll continue to like it! Your review was quite helpful, thank you! I promise I haven't given up completely on the experimental pieces…

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Disclaimer: The characters, places and events from "the Lord of the Rings" belong to JRR Tolkien. The two songs I used lyrics from were "Endless Night" (lyricist Julie Taymor) and "You have to Be". I'm not sure who wrote that song, can it really be ABBA? In any case, these songs belong to their writers and not to me, though I use them without profit.

"Careful with that brat of an animal!" Pippin said and chewed a straw of hay as he watched Merry ride Snowmane. "He has his mother's temper!"

"And I have my mother's stubborness" Merry replied with resolute. "He is not impossible, only difficult!"

"Look who's talking" Pippin muttered.

Merry had been riding Snowmane for about a month, but it was a tricky pony to master. It took Merry's full attention to keep him under control, and the pony seemed to be determined not to let his master win. It was a constant battle and had been all summer, some days Snowmane behaved and some he was like a wild animal. Mostly it seemed to be the latter.

On this particular day Snowmane was even worse than usual. His ears were as far back as they could be and his eyes were open wide. He was in a very bad mood, and did everything he could to give Merry trouble. Pippin chewed nervously on his straw, not liking what he saw one little bit. Snow White had been very troublesome until she was taken to Tom Bombadill, Snowmane seemed to have that same difficulty in him.

"It's not going too well at all" Éowyn commented.

Pippin nodded in agreement. They were both leaned against the fence and both were concerned. Luckily they could see that Merry was rounding up and getting ready to dismount and get the unruly pony back into the stables.

Éowyn, who would be sixteen a month, was a very skilled horsewoman, but she didn't long to try and ride Snowmane. It had once been her dream, but now that she saw how he acted she would rather keep to her own pony, Aestas. She wondered what her father planned on doing with his unruly pony, and brushed a curly strain of hair from her face as she watched him ride. She had tied her hair up in a ponytail and hid it under a hat but it still seemed to manage to get everywhere. Her features had only grown more fair over the years, even though people had said she was the spitting image of her mother when she was young, now it seemed hard to tell which parent she looked like. She seemed to have gotten the best from them both, but beauty did not concern her. She wasn't interested in lads anyway, she had yet to find one who could measure up to her father and until she did she would stick to her ponies.

Pippin frowned as Snowmane began to stir again. He could see that it demanded Merry's full attention to keep the pony under control. Why wouldn't his cousin just give up and keep the pony to drive the cart? Why was it so important that his new riding pony would descend from Stybba? Everyone had been right, Snow White would not be a good pony to use for breeding. If it were up to Pippin they would simply find a better mare and breed her with Stybba, and that would be the end of the problem. But Merry was indeed stubborn.

Snowmane calmed down and Merry patted his neck with a grin. When Snowmane felt his rider relax he flew up on his back legs and whinnied, throwing Merry off his back as he did. Snowmane then set off in a gallop around the paddock, leaving his thrown rider on the ground.

"Merry!" Pippin cried.

"Father!" Éowyn cried at the same time, and without thinking hurried into the paddock to stop Snowmane before he accidentally ran Merry over.

Pippin called his cousin's name again and followed Éowyn into the paddock. Merry was lying still on his back, with his right arm under him, most likely broken. He seemed to be unconscious, the fall had been heavy. Pippin reached him and kneeled beside him, and tried to shake him awake. He had no luck.

Meanwhile Éowyn managed to get a hold of Snowmane's reins and with all her might got the pony to a halt. Snowmane was still stirring but at least he wasn't kicking or biting. Éowyn could feel safe enough holding him.

"Is Father all right?" she asked Pippin.

"He's unconscious" Pippin said. "We have to get him to the Hall! Quickly! Call for aid!"

Pippin cursed the fact that they were out by Crickhollow and not Brandy Hall. Merry preferred training ponies at the Crickhollow paddock, since it was more quiet and secluded. Pippin had found him and Éowyn here this morning by chance, and he was thankful that he had. Someone had to stay with Merry while waiting for help. Pippin didn't dare to move him alone.

Resolutely Éowyn swung herself up in Snowmane's saddle, not caring that he had just hurt her father badly. She knew she needed to get to Brandy Hall as soon as possible and Snowmane was the only saddled pony. Aestas was out in the pastures, it would take an unnecessary time to fetch him. She drove Snowmane to a gallop and for some reason the pony didn't object. Perhaps he felt bad for having thrown his master.

Pippin watched her gallop off toward Brandy Hall and was reminded of when Merry had ridden Snow White to get to Estella. Éowyn was her father's daughter, there was no question about that. And either by her will or some other she managed to control the unruly beast.

Turning his attention back to Merry Pippin placed a hand on his forehead and shuddered when he felt how cold it was. Merry's condition after the battle at Pelennor still haunted him in his nightmares, Merry's cold forehead was a reminder of that battle and its aftermath. He hoped Éowyn would hurry, and that there would be a good medic at Brandy Hall other than Merry.

"I don't understand this" the old medic Marmadas said. "He ought to be burning with fever, fever is in his body, yet he is cold. I have never seen anything like it."

"I have" Pippin said. "But what caused it this time, I don't know."

"Has the Master had this condition before?" Marmadas asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Once, a long time ago" Pippin said.

"What brought it on then?"

"I… I don't know."

"Will he get better?" Estella asked, holding Merry's icy left hand in hers.

"He took a bad fall, Madam Estella" Marmadas answered. "His right arm is nearly broken, his back was hurt and he hit the back of his head pretty hard against the ground. I can only hope he is not bleeding in his skull, for if he is there is nothing I can do for him."

"Oh goodness…" Estella said and began to cry.

"I don't know how serious his back injury is either" Marmadas continued. "If he's in really bad luck, he won't be able to walk."

Pippin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. So that was how serious it was. Merry could die. Opening his eyes he looked at his cousin, so pale and so cold. So much like when the Black Shadow had taken him. But there was no Black Shadow anymore.

"What can we do?" he asked.

"Wait and see" Marmadas said. "Keep him warm. Keep him cool. I don't know which. He needs a more skilled medic than I. But I shall do all I can, hopefully he is not bleeding on the inside. Hopefully his back is not too damaged."

Estella swallowed hard.

"When will he wake up?"

"I cannot say" Marmadas sighed. "It could be minutes. It could be hours. Days and weeks even. I don't know."

"Or he never wakes at all" Pippin stated.

"Quiet, Peregrin" Estella said with an angry glare.

"What shall I tell the rest?" Marmadas asked.

"Only that the Master is ill" Pippin said. "And do not speak to the children. I will do that. Poor Théodoc has to know he might become Master of Buckland soon, at his fifteenth birthday. A negligible age for such a task…"

"Do you think that will happen?" Estella asked with fear in her eyes.

"I can only pray it won't."

Days passed. Merry did not wake up from his deep sleep, he got only colder day by day. There was nothing that could warm him, even fever. If Pippin didn't know better he would have sworn it was the Shadow. The truth was that the Shadow was part of his condition, when he had hurt his arm in the fall his old injury had woken again. It didn't matter however that Pippin didn't know this, there was nothing he could have done even if he did know.

Sam came from Hobbiton as soon as word came, and he, Estella and Pippin took turns in sitting by Merry's side. Éowyn was there as well, as often as Estella would allow her, and the other children came once a day to visit their father.

Snowmane was gone. Pippin had made sure the pony was put down for good, he didn't want it around after what had happened. Snowmane was dangerous, and Pippin made sure he would never hurt Merry again. He didn't care if Merry would be furious that his precious pony was gone, as long as Merry woke up that was all that mattered.

When he sat by Merry's bedside he sometimes lost track of now and then. The past, when Merry had been at the Houses of Healing, and the present blended together in his mind and it was sometimes hard for Pippin to tell where he was and what was going on. He could be convinced that there was a War going on in one minute, to remember that the War had been over since way back the next. His mind and his heart were in turmoil and the longer Merry laid in his coma the worse things got for Pippin.

What scared him the most was that Merry would die without the two getting a chance to sort out their problems. Pippin begged to at least get the chance to say that he was sorry for things that had been and vowed that if Merry woke up again he would talk to him as soon as possible about how things had been between them. They had to get their situation sorted out, they could not go on the way they had. Now there was a possibility they never would get the chance, and it terrified Pippin more than he could put into words.

He made sure to take as good care of Merry as he possibly could. He even managed to get some soup down his cousin's throat, along with some water. Sitting by his side he told him all kinds of things, talked about old memories and told old stories. He sometimes talked of how scared he was that Merry wouldn't wake up, but most of the time he refused to talk about it. It was frightening enough without putting it into words.

He wondered what would happen if Merry were to die. Théodoc would suddenly become the Master, Pippin knew he was not yet ready. Théo knew that too, and was horrified of the thought. Éowyn would be inconsolable if she lost her father, she was already sadder than Pippin had ever seen her before and no matter what she wouldn't smile. But out of all the children Pippin felt most sad for Lúthien. She was only six years old and far too young to lose her father. All the children were, but Lúthien especially.

"See that is why you have to wake up" he said one afternoon. "For their sake! If not for mine, or Estella's, or Buckland's…"

There was a soft knock on the door and Estella entered. Pippin reluctantly rose and left his seat for her. It was her turn to watch over Merry now, and as little as Pippin wanted to admit it he was weary and needed some time to sleep. As he stepped out into the hall he also realised how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten a good meal in days, it was about time for one now.

Lúthien was sitting on a stool with a teddybear, having waited for her uncle. Now that she saw him she ran up to him and took his hand.

"Uncle Pippin…" she said. "Will Father wake up today?"

"I do not know" Pippin said and wished he had brighter news to give the child.

"Maybe if I wished it…" Lúthien said.

Pippin gave her a hug. It was Lúthien's standard reply when she wanted something she might not get. He had heard it often, but not in serious situations like this.

"You run along now" he said. "Go to the kitchen and tell them to get some food ready for me! I'm starved."

Lúthien ran off to do as she was told and Pippin wished even harder that Merry would wake up. He hoped that Lúthien wishing it would work.

Suddenly he realised that the hall was quiet, the chatter usually heard coming from different halls and rooms was gone. It had ended abruptly. There were a few other Hobbits beside himself in the hallway, among others Aramac and Cordy, and all eyes were turned toward the direction Pippin was faced.

A tall, slim figure with blonde hair came walking down the hall, knowing by some instinct where to go. The figure was crouched to walk through the Hobbit-sized halls, but one could see that it was with a proud posture that the person normally walked. The fair face was timeless, it didn't seem neither young nor old. The eyes didn't seem to notice the Hobbits in the hall, they were focused with finding the right way to Merry's bedroom.

For a moment Pippin's jaw dropped, but then a hint of a smile showed up on his face. Of course. With a bow he pointed the newly arrived to the room where Merry lay and saw the figure enter without a word. Sam came hurrying down the hall, and stopped when he reached Pippin. He too was surprised.

"And not as much as a hullo" he said.

"Sometimes there are more important things to worry about" Pippin said. "Times such as these… who has time for hullo?"

Inside Merry's room Estella looked up when the blonde figure entered. Shocked and without knowing what to say she rose to her feet and backed away, allowing the stranger to sit where Estella had just been sitting. A slim, cool hand was placed on Merry's forehead and another equally slim hand began feeding him with the soup Pippin had left behind. To Estella's astonishment Merry's mouth opened slightly and he swallowed the soup.

"Who…" she began, but didn't finish the question.

The blonde stranger paid her no heed. Estella couldn't help but wonder who this stranger was. The door opened and Pippin stood in the doorway with a slight smile on his face. Estella turned to him and looked at him with bewildered eyes.

"It will be all right Estella" he said with full confidence. "Do not be alarmed."

Sam showed up next to Pippin and didn't seem quite as sure that things would be fine. With a deep frown he then left, obviously not very happy with the situation. Pippin remained in the doorway for a while however, and with him present Estella dared to go to the other side of the bed and sit down there. She was intimidated by this stranger, who seemed to have taken over the role as watcher from now on. Estella knew she wouldn't dare to ask the guest to leave.

Eventually Pippin left, to Estella's dismay. She spent the following hours in silence, not daring to speak, and tried to look mostly at Merry. But it was difficult, her eyes drew to the stranger like magnets, she wanted to know who it was.

She knew she wasn't needed in the room. Merry was being well taken care of, yet Estella didn't want to leave. She wanted to keep an eye on this stranger, even though Pippin didn't seem the least bit bothered by the situation. He had left to have dinner and get some sleep, full of confidence that his cousin was in good hands.

Estella eventually drifted off to sleep too, rocked to sleep by the stranger's songs. When she woke up it was already light out, and she was angry with herself for having slept so long. The stranger hadn't slept at all, didn't seem to have moved an inch. It made Estella feel like she had done something very wrong in sleeping. She had let her guard down while the stranger hadn't.

Merry however was stirring. Estella quickly sat straight and stared at him, when she was sure he was about to wake up she ran out in the hallway and told the nearest Hobbit to go get the Thain. The Master was waking up.

She returned to Merry's bedside just in time for him to open his eyes. She could see that he was groggy, and appeared to be in pain. He turned his head from side to side and his eyes fell on Estella. She smiled at him and was just about to speak when his head turned again and he saw the blonde stranger. A smile appeared on his face.

"I know your face…" he said with wonder and reached his left hand up towards his friend. "Éowyn… Éowyn…"

The lady Éowyn rewarded him with her warmest smile and took his left hand in hers, lifting it up to her cheek. With her right hand she caressed his cheek as he caressed hers. The two looked into each other's eyes and seemed unaware that there was anyone else present.

Estella was sure that if she tried to speak her voice would fail her. So this was Éowyn. This was the White Lady. She should have known.

After a few minutes Pippin came through the door, and he grinned widely when he saw that Merry was awake. He hurried up to the bed and kneeled next to Éowyn. Merry finally took his eyes off Éowyn and looked at Pippin. He gave him a slight smile of recognition and then his eyes were on Éowyn again.

"You're here…" he said. "I cannot believe that you are here…"

"Of course I'm here" she said.

"How..?"

"I didn't know what had happened" she said. "Or what was wrong. All I knew was that I could feel the Shadow in my left arm. And since nothing was wrong with Faramir or me I knew it was you. I rode Windyfaxe, Shadowfaxe's third foal, and was here within a few days. How I found my way I do not know. I'm glad I was not too late."

"Éowyn…"

It was clear to Estella that she was witnessing the reunion of two dear friends. Somehow she couldn't mind, even though Merry seemed oblivious to her presence and only had eyes for another lass. This was his Éowyn.

Estella could see the ring on his right hand glimmer as it reflected the candlelight. It was the by far prettiest ring she had ever seen, made from white gold in the shape of three horses. In the middle was an amethyst, the finest Estella had ever seen. It was the only ring she had ever seen Merry wear, and he wore it always. It had been a gift from Éowyn a long time ago, it had belonged to the Lady when she was younger. It had been in her family's possession for generations, now it was on Merry's finger. It had always been a sore spot for Estella that he wouldn't wear a wedding band but he would wear Éowyn's ring.

Eventually Merry was left to himself to get some sleep, though he claimed he had had enough already. Pippin was assigned to show Éowyn to her room and Estella needed to get some more sleep of her own. As they stepped out into the hallway the six Brandybuck children waited for them. They stared at the tall stranger who stared back at them. For sixteen years Éowyn had longed to meet Merry's children, now they were right before her eyes. Young Éowyn took a step forward.

"Are you the White Lady?" she asked.

The lady smiled and kneeled to look at her namesake. The lass had Merry's eyes, but the rest of her features seemed to be neither the mother's or the father's from what Éowyn could tell. It was a very beautiful child who indeed had what Merry called apple cheeks. Éowyn didn't notice that tears were falling down her cheeks, with a happy laugh she reached out her hand and pulled back some of the long curls of hair from the teenager's face. It was hard to believe that this was Merry's daughter. Éowyn felt an instant love for the child, and was overwhelmed by looking at her Hobbit namesake. She was unable to say a word.

Young Éowyn didn't know what to say either. She too was overwhelmed with meeting the woman she had been named after. All of her life she had heard of the Lady Éowyn and her father had described her as the most wonderful woman he had ever encountered. Now this woman was looking at her, and young Éowyn knew instantly that all that her father had said had been true. For this woman had come to the Shire in spite of the law to be with her father when he was ill. All the way from Ithilien she had traveled only for Merry. Such a person won young Éowyn's heart instantly.

"My lady…" Pippin said. "I should get you to your room now." When no answer came he bowed. "Forgive me, I should have introduced you properly. Éowyn daughter of Éomund, White Lady and Princess of Ithilien and Shieldmaiden of Rohan, this is Éowyn daughter of Meriadoc, of the Shire. Known as Éowyn the Fair."

Young Éowyn blushed when he said the last part. But Pippin could see in her eyes that were so much like Merry's that above all she was impressed by all the titles her namesake had. Pippin had introduced her as properly as he'd known to.

"And this is Théodoc son of Meriadoc, heir to the Mastership of Buckland" Pippin continued and formally introduced the children in chronological order. Éowyn didn't say anything, but with her eyes recognised each child as Pippin introduced he or she. She had heard so much about them, it was strange seeing them in front of her. And yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Your recovery is going well, dear cousin" Pippin said in the evening two days later. "It warms my heart to see."

"I feel a lot better" Merry said and slowly exercised his right wrist.

"It's great to see you up and about again" Pippin said with a smile.

"I am so tired of that bed" Merry said. "Apparently one can get too much rest! Luckily I had company most of the time."

"Yes, we were actually worried that you wouldn't get enough time to yourself."

Pippin went over to the window that had been letting fresh air into Merry's convalescence room and closed it. It was a warm enough August night but Pippin didn't want to risk Merry catching a cold in the draft.

"We were mighty worried for a while" he told his cousin. "For a while there it seemed like you would never wake up."

"I can't remember what I dreamed, if I did dream" Merry said. "It is strange…"

"Perhaps not. You were unconscious after all."

"I do remember feeling the faint scent of Éowyn's perfume…" Merry said with a smile. "I remember that the darkness turned to light. I got through the darkness and reached the surface. And there was she…"

"Her arrival made a huge difference" Pippin agreed. "Sam is furious that she is here, you know. He says it's against the law and that's the end of that."

"Is that why he went back to Bag End so soon?"

"I think so. He and I had kind of an argument about it… I said that it was nothing to be upset about, sometimes there are things more important than laws and we owed your quick recovery to Éowyn. Sam said there was no way of knowing that, and either way you're fine now so she should be on her way. He doesn't feel you can make exceptions to the law for anyone. Make one exception, you'll soon make two. And then three, four, five, and before you know it you make exceptions for everyone. I still think it's good that she is here though, whatever Samwise says."

"I hate that law" Merry said. "Why should our friends be prohibited from visiting us in our homes? It's silly."

"Silly or no, it's for our protection."

Merry nodded and continued to exercise his wrist. It was still painful and so was his back, but at least he hadn't broken anything.

"Merry…" Pippin said nervously. It was time for the talk he had sworn they would have if Merry woke up.

"Yes?"

"What's really going on? With you and me, I mean!"

"What, right now?"

"Nothing has been the same since we came back home from our last journey. It's like you don't want to be around me."

"Don't be foolish."

"You never come to the Smials" Pippin said, unable to stop now that he had begun. "It is always I who come to you. And when I do you don't have time for me. When was the last time we really **talked**, Meriadoc? When was the last time we shared confidences? We used to be as one, always around each other, always together. Now we're apart and I don't know what the reason for that is!"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Merry asked with a sigh.

"We do" Pippin said. "For I cannot keep this up. I cannot keep wondering. I can feel you're slipping away from me, I don't even know the reason why!"

"Have you learned nothing in life, Pip?" Merry asked. "Sometimes things change. Relationships change. Sometimes there are no reasons for what happens."

"So we're just falling apart for no reason? You think we've grown apart, but the truth is the only one who's parted in any way is you!"

"Oh is it?" Merry said. "I remember quite clearly hearing you say that you hadn't missed me for weeks!"

Pippin didn't know how to reply to that. Mostly because he was terrified that Merry was right. It was easier to believe that Merry was drifting away, it was much harder to believe that Pippin himself was as responsible for their situation as Merry was.

"I don't believe that we can grow apart" he said. "We've been friends since I was a baby, Merry! A lifetime of friendship does not just end for no reason."

"A lifetime of friendship might have fulfilled its purpose" Merry retorted. "For goodness sake, there has been nothing new in our friendship for at least twenty years, maybe we both need a break in order to grow! Does it have to be the end of the world if we don't talk as much for a little while?"

"No! But how can you call four years 'a little while'?" Pippin replied. "It's as if you no longer care about me!"

"That accusation is your own" Merry said.

"But what is it based on? Since you were thrown from that pony I have been worried sick! I've waked by your side, watched over you, fed and bathed you! I put everything else aside, knowing that if you died I could not go on! Do you care? Have you as much as acknowledged it? No! You haven't. You haven't even **spoken** to me in two days!"

"You will still be here a week from now" Merry angrily said. "Éowyn will not! Can you blame me for wanting to spend my time with her now? She was there for me too, she traveled all the way from Ithilien without having been called. She too fed me and looked after me. She was the one who brought me back! Should I ignore her and instead hang around you?"

"Don't you be so sure that I will still be here" Pippin said and folded his arms across his chest. "Don't take me for granted."

"Where are you going to go then? Nowhere but the Smials. And I can find you there. Don't be foolish, Peregrin."

But Pippin was angry now. All of his frustration over the past four years, all of his sorrow and worry, all of it was clashing together now and had to be expressed. He was more jealous than he could say of Éowyn, who got all of Merry's attention and time. Merry was taking him for granted and Pippin would not allow it. He would not allow the treatment it resulted in, the idea that Pippin would be there always so Merry could come by whenever it suited him. Pippin was tired of being the only giver in their friendship.

Merry on the other hand was shocked and hurt by Pippin's accusations. His sometimes so timid cousin had turned into someone Merry didn't recognize and he didn't know what he was after. Surely Pippin knew how much Éowyn meant to him, and how precious the time he had with her was. Could he not wait at least a few days? He was being selfish and infantile and Merry felt like no matter what he said it would be the wrong thing.

"If we've grown apart as you say we have, what makes you think you can see me whenever? Why would we spend time together if we've grown apart? Why would I sit by your sickbed and fear in every moment that you might be dying?"

"Growing apart is one thing, ending the friendship is another" Merry said.

"No, they're both exactly the same" Pippin objected. "For we are not friends if we've grown apart. We're just two people who once were friends but now are nothing."

"What do you want me to do, Pip?" Merry asked. "I don't know what you want!"

"I want my best friend back!"

"Well here I am!"

"Yes, there you are. In this moment at least. In five minutes time you'll be with Éowyn again and I won't see you for another two days. You keep setting me aside."

"What does this have to do with Éowyn?"

"Nothing has ever been able to challenge our friendship!" Pippin said. "From the moment I was old enough to understand that not every friendship was like ours, you and I have been best friends. And nobody was ever able to come between us. Frodo couldn't compete with it, even though he was your best friend before I was. Nobody in the fellowship stood a chance, not even Éowyn could take my place in your heart. We both married and fathered children, yet nothing changed in our friendship. No one and nothing could challenge what we meant to one another. It was something so strong, something so pure and so **right**. Now it's just gone, and you give me no reasons **why**! You can call our situation whatever you wish, but in truth it is only a prolonged goodbye, isn't it? Six years ago you would have been with me every minute even if Éowyn was here!"

"It is not about Éowyn" Merry said.

"Perhaps it is" Pippin said. "For you seem to choose her above me. Is that so, Meriadoc? If you were to choose, would your choice be her?"

Merry stared at Pippin, unable to reply. He couldn't believe what his cousin had just said. Such an ultimatum was beyond what he could grasp.

"If were to leave for Gondor with Éowyn and never return to the Shire, and you knew of this, who would you spend the last days with? Me or her? Would you set me aside for her or would you love me enough still to believe that we are best friends?"

There was a long pause. Merry didn't know what to say or do. Pippin was both angry and sad, and tears began to fall down his cheeks as Merry said nothing.

"Well I guess that's my answer."

The room was quiet now that Pippin had left. Merry was breathing heavily, still trying to grasp what had just happened. Pippin had given him an ultimatum and then left. It was too difficult to understand. Nobody had ever given him an ultimatum like that before. How could anyone choose between two people they loved? But still Merry knew that six years ago he would have chosen Pippin without a second's hesitation. For he could not truly live without Peregrin. Or perhaps he could.

The door opened slowly and Éowyn entered. She didn't come to this room often, she mostly stayed in her guest room. It was the only room built for someone as tall as she was. Her presence eased Merry's aching heart and wounded pride, just by entering the room she made him feel a lot better. Much better than he'd ever thought he could when the unthinkable had just happened. He and Pippin had ended.

"Holdwine?" Éowyn said. "Is everything all right?"

Merry remembered what people had been saying in the Shire ever since the War. They said that he and Pippin shared one mind and could tell what the other was thinking and feeling. If one was in distress or need the other knew and answered the call. There hadn't been truth to that, they had simply known each other so well that they could tell what the other thought and felt. It was natural to them, it had been that way since Pippin was a teenager. There had been nothing supernatural about it.

Then there was Éowyn. She had come to the Shire from Ithilien without anybody sending for her. She had known in her heart that Merry was sick and she had come. The bond that had been established between them at the Pelennor fields was that strong, when the Shadow had crept back into Merry's body Éowyn had felt it too, miles away. And she had come. Now she was there, when his heart was sad and he needed comfort. Nobody had sent for her now either but she had known. What he had with Éowyn was eerily close to what people said he and Pippin shared. He was not alone. He had her.

Pippin was alone under the stars. He had ridden off to his and Merry's favorite spot, the one that overlooked the Brandywine and was so beautiful during sunrise and sunset. His pony was grazing nearby, Pippin didn't care if it ran off or not. There was no sunset tonight, the sky was already dark and filled with stars.

He sat alone on a log and was blind to the beauty of the land around him. Nothing was beautiful right now. The world was so vast, and he was indeed alone. Small and alone. That which he had never thought possible had just happened. He had lost Merry. There were stars in the sky but he didn't see them. He wasn't sure he ever would see them again. The world was a dark and unfriendly place, his light in the world had gone out.

So this was the end. He had never expected it would feel this way. He could not be angry with Merry even though he wanted to. His best friend had cut the bonds and left him out in the cold. But before Pippin could be angry he had to get through the aching loneliness.

Words from a song came into his head, an old song Merry had written about the dark days before the Pelennor battle. It took him a while to remember the tune, Merry hadn't sung it in years.

"_When will the dawning break_," he sang, "_oh Endless Night. Lonely I dream of the day._"

He quieted. He couldn't do it. He couldn't sing alone. Especially not one of Merry's tunes. What was he to do now? Ever had Merry been by his side, guiding his path. Now he was on his own, and he couldn't find the way. He flew to his feet and looked up at the sky as if he was talking to it instead of Merry.

"You **promised** you'd be there, all days and all times, whenever I needed you!" he cried. "You said no distance would be too great, you would come to me when I called. You would be there. But now you're not. You left, you deserted me, you broke your promise! Where are you now? I need you, but where are you now?" Tears started falling down his cheeks. "I have lost the fight."

He took a few steps and clenched his fists. If only he were able to say these words to Merry. But what was to say his cousin would care? The words needed to be said, and whatever being was around to listen, even if it were just the night, would have to hear them.

"You promised you'd be there… You swore it! If I can't count on you then who am I to count on? How can I make it through this pain when the one person who completely understands me will not listen or help?"

He sunk down on his knees, not feeling how wet and cold the grass was from the rain earlier in the day. He didn't care. What did it matter if he came down with the flu, such a thing was a trivial matter. Everything was trivial.

As far back as he could remember he had always had one thing to count on. Other friends had come and gone, his father and grandparents had died, his sisters thought he was queer, Estella had loved and left. But there had always been Merry. No matter what happened in the world they had had each other, even when they were parted. Now nothing was certain anymore.

He had never felt so sorry for himself before in his life. Pippin rarely did feel sorry for himself, he would always try to see the bright things, the silver lining. Now he wallowed in his pain and self-pity, every disappointment he had ever felt in his life seemed to culminate in this moment.

"I feel like I stand before a great abyss" he said into the night. "With nobody there to hold me back. And you would not care if I were to fall. Every part of me is screaming that this is **wrong**. But it was your choice, and I will have to live with it."

Deep down he knew that it was not all Merry's fault. But he couldn't accept his own part in their breaking, it was impossible to claim responsibility for what had happened. At least he could not do it yet. And he wanted to make himself be angry at Merry, hate Merry, for perhaps if he hated his cousin the break would be easier.

"I shall always think of this week as the week you died" he said. "For the Merry I spoke with today is not the Merry I grew up with. Nobody is going to shield me anymore from the harshness of the world. I will have to do that myself. Nobody will give me strength when I need it, comfort when I need it… Dimesy will try, of course, but you and I both know she cannot. She cannot be the shield you've always been Meriadoc. Nobody can replace you. I thought nobody could replace me in your eyes, but someone has. All lights have gone out now."

He could hardly breathe through the intense pain he felt. He could barely see, barely hear. It had been such a shock that Merry had chosen Éowyn and he couldn't recover from it just yet. The one thing that had always been true in his life was his friendship with Merry and now it was no more. That knowledge hurt more than anything had ever hurt before.

"It cannot be gone" he moaned. "It has to still be, it has to! How can you just desert me like this? I am nothing without you."

From the moment Merry had first said that they had grown apart a word had been in Pippin's mind. If was the word, and it had gnawed at his spirit for four years. If Merry and he weren't friends, what were they then? If Merry was no longer in his life what was he to do? What if he had spent all these years being Merry's friend and it was all for nothing in the end?

"Who is going to be the one to feel all of my anxieties and give me comfort?" he wondered in the night. "Why am I forced to start living life on my own?"

Suddenly he rose to his feet, furious with himself. What was he doing? Why was he there on the ground, feeling sorry for himself and trying to be mad at Merry? This was not the way to get through this. He had to be strong. He had to prove to himself, Merry and the world that he could be fine on his own. He could stand on his own two feet and not lose balance, he could live a good and happy life. What did he need Merry for anyway? He would show him! He was all by himself, and he tried to tell himself that it felt good. He didn't need to care for Merry anymore, didn't have to devote time to him and be there for him. He didn't have to go to Gondor just because Merry wanted to. He was his own Hobbit and he could stand on his own. He didn't need Merry. His cousin would see. They all would see.

He got back up on his horse and rode toward the Great Smials. He would not return to Brandy Hall. He was on his own, and that was good. He was all alone under the stars.

Two days later Estella found Merry in their bedroom. He was in the middle of changing into warmer riding clothes. Estella just stared at him for a moment.

"Merry…" she said. "You're not going out riding, are you?"

"Éowyn, young Éowyn and I are going out" he said.

"But what about your health, you need your rest!"

"My health is fine dear" he said and placed a kiss on her cheek as he hurried past her to get his Elf cape. "A little fresh air will do me good."

"But out riding… After what happened with Snowmane!"

"I won't be riding per se" he told her. "I'm riding with the Lady on her horse."

"Like a child?" she said in disbelief.

"It his how we always ride" he stated and shrugged his shoulders.

"You on a horse with the Lady?" Estella said. She was far from comfortable with it.

"Indeed" Merry said. "Why, is there a problem?"

"Your health is the problem" Estella said.

"Nonsense. There's something else."

"Fine" Estella said. "I don't like you riding with Éowyn."

"Why not?"

"Because it is inappropriate! To share a horse with another lass!"

"It's just a horse" Merry said. "And don't tell me that you're jealous."

"I just think you ought to be spending a little less time with her and a little less time with your family."

Merry groaned. Not Estella too. Why did everyone seem to have a problem with him spending time with Éowyn? It had already cost him Peregrin, he did not want a fight with Estella about it too. He was torn between the people he loved and was beginning to feel like he was ripping in the seams.

"You have a wife and six children who have all worried about you so" Estella went on. "Is it too much to ask that you spend a little time with us too?"

"I didn't know your worry came with requirements" Merry said. "Éowyn is only here for a short while. I don't know when I will see her again. I need to be with her."

"But why?"

"She is such an important part of my past!" Merry said.

"A past which you will tell me nothing of!" Estella said. "Sometimes I wonder if you ever did anything you are actually proud of, as you don't want me to know any of it! Why is Éowyn that important? Is she more important now than your wife? Call me jealous or egoistic Meriadoc, but I love you and would much like to have you to myself!"

"You don't understand what it's like between Éowyn and me" Merry said and looked at Estella with battling emotions in his eyes. "It's as if no one does. As if people have forgotten all that we meant to each other, and still do."

"Well it would help if you'd tell me what you two did together" Estella said and firmly crossed her arms. This time she was not going to let him off the hook.

"I shouldn't have to. Don't you know real, true friendship when you see it? Can't you see that I love her so much that I'd die for her in a heartbeat, but I am not **in** love with her?"

"What happened, Meriadoc?" Estella said even more firmly.

"I'll tell you what happened" Merry snarled. "She came through for me. She supported me, she was there for me in a way that nobody has ever been, before or after! She kept me going, she gave me all that I didn't know I desperately needed. And I will always love her for it. She is the one friend I cannot do without, in some ways I need her more than I've needed Pippin through the years, even though I so rarely see her."

"She did all of this for you? And what did you do in return?"

"I gave her my all" Merry said. "I did exactly what I just said I would do. Died for her in a heartbeat."

"Friend of a wizard" Estella snarled. "Talking in riddles you are! I want the truth! You cannot keep having secrets that you will not share, I am your **wife**! I deserve to know! I share your life, so share it with me!"

"No matter what you say I will not tell you more than I choose" Merry said, getting more and more worried that she too would give him an ultimatum. "And no matter what you say I will not let Éowyn go. Do not ask me to choose. You do not want to put everything in jeopardy like that!"

"What are you saying?" Estella said, suddenly sounding so small. "Would you choose her over me?"

"If I had to, yes" Merry said honestly. He had chosen her over Pippin, he would choose her over Estella. But he didn't want to choose. He shouldn't have to.

"So you do love her more than me!"

"I **need** her more than I need you. That's just the way it is. We are eternally bound together, by love but also by a much stronger force. Understand Estella, if I say goodbye to Éowyn for good I say goodbye to my soul. What she and I have gone through together no one can understand."

"Well you had best tell me" Estella said, now stubborn again but with a tear falling down her cheek. "I will not have you say you would throw away what I thought was true love for another lass and not tell me **why**."

"I have told you why!" Merry cried.

"No, you have given me cloaked words! You're trying so hard to keep something from me but I am telling you that you can't! Not if I am to be your life partner!"

"Nobody ever said being my life partner was going to be easy" Merry said. "You knew when you married me that I had secrets I would never share. If you choose to go back on your vows to me because suddenly those secrets present a problem to you, then by all means do. For then you are not the Estella Bolger I married. Do you want to know what she and I did together? Do you want to hear about death, pain, war, anguish, darkness, fear? Do you wish to hear what it is like to stand face to face to an evil so great it has never been challenged? Can you not understand the love that it takes to cast yourself into great evil and death for someone?"

"That love scares me."

"I would not have married Éowyn even if I were a human or she a Hobbit. Does that satisfy you? She is my sister in arms."

"And that is all?"

"She is my best friend" Merry said. "Do you not understand? You have always accepted that I've been so close to Pippin and I'm not in love with him, why can't you accept that I'm close to a lady without being in love with her?"

"What's so special about her anyways?" Estella asked.

"Everything. There's nobody like her, anywhere at all. No other lass has her courage, her stout heart, her kindness… So fragile yet so strong, in one minute she can be the perfect lady of the court, the next she can be a shieldmaiden fighting for what she loves. We were both left behind while other went to fight our battles for us, and neither of us accepted it. She is special in every way." He shook his head in frustration, unable to tell her exactly how he felt. "All my life I have taken care of people. Always, ever since I was little. I was raised to be responsible and protective, and ever since Peregrin Took took his first small steps in the nursery at the Great Smials I have protected and looked after him. I watched after Frodo even though I was younger than him. When we left the Shire I was the leader of the Hobbits, I looked after the others and felt responsible for them. Even after we met Strider I still looked after the others. My eye was always on Pippin and Frodo, watching their steps and protecting them. Nobody has ever looked after me, Estella. Save for Éowyn. She let me ride with her and she cared for me. She made sure I had everything I needed, she forsook her own comfort for mine, she protected me and looked after me, she truly **cared** for me. Nobody has ever done that for me before, and not since either!"

"I look after you" Estella said meekly.

"You do not. I look after you, it has always been that way. Éowyn looks after me, and Éowyn alone. Do not ever tell me that there is nothing special about the White Lady of Rohan."

Angrily he grabbed one of his rucksacks and began filling it. Estella looked nervously at him. She didn't like where this was going.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I am taking Éowyn with me to Crickhollow. Perhaps there I can escape all these accusations. All I want is to spend time with her while I can!"

"Merry I'm sorry" Estella said. "Please don't go!"

"I'll see you in a few days" Merry said and strode past her out the door.

Merry sat in silence by the fire in his favorite Crickhollow sitting room, trying to come to terms with what was going on in his life. Somehow everything had gone wrong since that day when he had been thrown from Snowmane's back. Everyone he loved seemed to be turning against him, the only ones who weren't fighting with him were his two Éowyn. He desperately needed this refuge to Crickhollow, where no judgmental eyes would be on him and no accusations would come flying at him when he least expected them to. He could not recover at Brandy Hall where everyone seemed to be mad at him and all that went wrong seemed to be his fault.

What hurt the most was Peregrin. Estella and he would be fine in the end, that much he knew. Deep down he didn't blame her for being jealous, if she had a close friendship with a lad and wouldn't tell him of their past together he would be jealous too. But Éowyn was a human, and a married such, even if he wanted to Merry wouldn't be able to have a romance with her. And he had never seen Éowyn as a romantic figure in his life. She was above that. Just as love was something more than friendship, his feelings for Éowyn were something more than love.

But Pippin was another matter. While Estella and he would work things out and come to an understanding once Éowyn had left, it didn't seem possible with Pippin. Merry had never thought it possible that there would be any problem too big for him and Pippin to work past. But what had he known? Pippin seemed to be angry over everything, over Éowyn, over Merry's illness, over them growing apart. He seemed to think that Merry was to blame for everything that wasn't going right. And he obviously couldn't take them not being as close as they once were. Pippin only seemed to see it in black and white, either their friendship was all or nothing. He couldn't accept an in-between, so he had chosen nothing when all was not an option.

Merry could not get over the conversation they had had the last time they saw each other. He would have thought that Pippin out of all people would understand why he needed to be with Éowyn, but he had been wrong. Merry had thought that he was the one who had changed if anyone had, but now he saw that it was Pippin. The understanding and forgiving side of Pippin was gone. What Merry didn't realise was that it was the gap between them that had brought on this change in his cousin.

Éowyn entered and pulled a scarf around her. She sat down on a cushion on the floor next to Merry and looked at him for a while. She was deeply sorry for what he was going through, it hadn't escaped her that at least the problems with Estella were because of her.

"I am so sorry" she said.

"For what?" Merry asked.

"For you being here now. Having to escape your own family to get some peace. It's because of me, I've understood that much."

"It is Estella's problem and she has to deal with it on her own" Merry said. "I will not sacrifice true friendship for her when there's no need to."

"It would have been better if I hadn't come, none of this would have happened."

"My Lady, don't say that" Merry said. "I might have died had you not shown up. You brought me back. And oh I've missed you so. I will always be torn between two worlds and I am so grateful for this chance of having both you and my Shire life at once. It will never happen again." He sighed deeply. "I just can't believe that Pippin said goodbye… It was not because of you! It couldn't possibly be! He has always known how much you mean to me, it's not news to him! Why do I have to justify my friendship with you in the eyes of others?"

Éowyn placed her hand on his.

"There will always be those who don't understand" she said. "I cannot fully understand the friendship that you share, shared, with Peregrin. It is hard to understand when you haven't experienced it yourself."

"I just feel so lost and so lonely" Merry said. "When you're here it's fine, I feel good. But whom will I turn to later? Pippin's lost to me now… and I don't think he's coming back. I cannot turn to Sam, he would only end up caught in the middle of everything! I can't talk to Estella either. Life has just changed in a monumental way, it will take me a while to adjust…"

"What happened with you and Peregrin, pray?"

"We grew apart" Merry said with a sigh. "He couldn't accept it."

"I wish there was something I could do…" Éowyn said.

"Can you change the past?" Merry said with a jesting smile. "That's all that will work now… If only Pip would understand. If only Estella would. Why are they threatened by you, my lady? Especially Estella, your place in my life was already established when she and I fell in love. What could she possibly think has changed over all these years? Why can't they see what you mean to me? And that I need you…"

"You are loved by many, and it is a gift that can also come as a curse. They want more from you than you can give, for you give it to many. Perhaps it would have been for the best if we never got to know each other further after the War."

"It was out of our hands" Merry said. "Our bond was made what it is today when the ringwraith was slain. All that happened after that was out of our hands. And I do not regret one moment of it. For if I never knew you, I would have been but half as real."

Éowyn nodded. She understood what he was saying. She knew it was true. She also knew there was nothing she could do for him now, but that didn't mean that she was ready to give up. She could see that he was not recovering as well as he should, because his heart was ill from sorrow. And she was furious with Estella and Pippin who had brought that sorrow upon him.

The next day Pippin came to Brandy Hall to bring his son back to the Smials. Faramir had been staying there for a few days now, but Diamond wanted him back home and had more or less had to force Pippin to go. He had planned on getting his son and then leaving faster than quick, but then he remembered that he would not let it show how hurt he was. Luckily he didn't have to put on an act in front of Merry, he quickly found out that his cousin was not there.

He agreed to stay for lunch and they were in the middle of their meal when Éowyn came back from Crickhollow to gather her things. Neither Pippin nor Estella looked at her, both too ashamed and intimidated to meet her eyes. Éowyn on the other hand got angry when she saw them, and thought of how sad she knew that Merry was.

"Do you have nothing to say to Merry?" she asked. "Are there no messages you wish me to give him?"

The children all shared looks and wished they could be somewhere else. They were not unaware of the arguments between the adults and they were very uncomfortable with the situation. All seven wished they could be somewhere else right now.

"You could tell Merry to come back home" Estella said finally. "Tell him to stop acting silly and come back where he belongs."

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves" Éowyn said. "All you care about are yourselves. You do not care what he is feeling. You do not care that his recovery is threatened by your behavior. His body cannot recover while his mind is not in peace. Instead of love and support you give him burdens of guilt and anger and resentment. You both complain that he is not standing by your sides, yet where are you now? Not by his side when he needs you!"

"I know not to be where I'm not wanted" Pippin mumbled.

"Perhaps you're wrong, Peregrin Took" Éowyn said. "Perhaps it is time for you to prove your friendship to him by not giving up on him. You're both leaving him to face his recovery alone. I must leave in two days time, to go back to Gondor and face the king and whatever punishment he will give me for coming here. When I leave, Holdwine will be on his own. You think about that."

With those words Éowyn left Brandy Hall for good. She would never return, and would never long to. She saw nothing of the beauty of the Shire while she was there, in her heart she would always hate the place. Holdwine had always been so merry in Gondor and Rohan, even during the War. When she saw him in the Shire he was sad and broken. The Shire would always mean sadness and narrow-mindedness for Éowyn of Ithilien.

It was a cold and foggy day when Éowyn had to leave the Shire. She was going to travel to Bree, where Faramir who would arrive earlier in the same day would meet her up. Together they would travel back to Minas Tirith.

Éowyn said goodbye to her young namesake by Crickhollow that morning, and gave her a special assignment to look after her father and make him smile. Young Éowyn was sad that she didn't get to come along to Bree, but Estella had said blankly no. Merry had not argued with her on it, he didn't have the strength right now.

They were four who left the Shire together that morning. Éowyn rode her horse and Merry sat in front of her, like he always did. He would borrow a pony from Barliman in Bree, or perhaps buy one, so that he could get back to Buckland. With them rode also Pippin and Faramir Took. Pippin wanted his son to meet the man he was named for, and Diamond hadn't objected to the idea. They were a very sombre party who rode out, one could cut the tension with a knife. Merry and Pippin weren't on speaking terms and Pippin didn't enjoy Éowyn's company one bit. Faramir was unsure of how to act in the very unusual situation and said nothing.

It was late at night when they arrived in Bree. All four were freezing and longed to sit down by a warm fireplace and have a hot meal. Barliman Butterbur told them when they arrived at the Pony that the Lord Faramir had arrived just an hour earlier, and showed them to his room.

Éowyn and Faramir greeted each other with a warm hug and a kiss. Young Faramir stared at his older namesake with disbelief. He had never seen anyone so tall before in his life, he couldn't remember Aragorn very well and this man seemed both intimidating and friendly at the same time. Most of all he wanted to hide behind his father but he knew he couldn't.

When Faramir had greeted his wife he turned his attention to Merry, who bowed deeply.

"Good evening, Master Holdwine" Faramir said. "I am pleased to see that you're up and about again."

"Thanks to the Lady I had a speedy recovery from my illness" Merry said. "I welcome you to Bree, Lord Faramir."

"May the Shadow never haunt you again" Faramir said and bowed. "And Master Peregrin, long years have past since our last meeting."

Pippin felt like hugging Faramir. It was the first friendly face he had seen in ages, it seemed. But he knew that a hug would be most inappropriate, instead he bowed deeply.

"My Lord…"

"And who is this?" Faramir said and looked at the younger Took.

"This is someone I would like you to meet" Pippin said. He turned to his son. "Bow deeply, my son. Meet Faramir son of Denethor, prince and steward of Ithilien, brother of Boromir the Brave."

"My lord…" young Faramir said and bowed deeply. "It is a great honor to meet you. I am Faramir Took son of Peregrin I, heir to The Took and Thain of the Shire, and named after Faramir the Noble of Gondor."

"Then the honor is mine" Faramir said. "I should have known you were the Thain's son, you're the spitting image of him!"

"Your manners are excellent, you know how to greet a noble man" Éowyn said. There was warmth in her words when she spoke them to young Faramir, but the look that followed to Pippin was anything but warm.

"Come now" Faramir said. "If I know Hobbits, and I think I do, you must all be starved. I trust my Lady could use something to eat as well. I have ordered dinner to be sent up to the adjoined room. Shall we?"

After dinner that night Faramir and Éowyn both retired to got to sleep. They had a long journey ahead of them in the morning. Pippin and young Faramir headed to bed as well, but Merry decided to go outside for a walk.

He was freezing in the cold autumn night. Luckily his Elf cape helped keep him relatively warm and it also shielded him from any unfriendly eyes. He didn't feel safe walking around in Bree at night, especially not now when he had been under the Shadow recently. He couldn't forget his first encounter with the nazgûl in Bree. Had he not had his Elf cape he would not have gone outside.

His spirits were lower than usual on this night. In the morning Éowyn would leave and he would be left behind. He had to go home to Brandy Hall and work out his problems with his wife, he had to try to make her see why he had set others aside for Éowyn's sake during a week. A week was far too short a time to spend with good friends from the past.

Tomorrow he would have to ride back together with Pippin and young Faramir. He didn't look forward to the journey. It was strange being around Pippin, neither of them knew how to act. Part of Merry wanted to reach out to his cousin and try to work out their problems but most of him wanted to be as far from Pippin as he could. The Hobbit with him in Bree was not the Hobbit Merry had loved most of his life.

It was strange that he no longer knew Pippin but he still knew Éowyn, in spite of all their years apart. Perhaps he had been too close to Pip to see the change in him. Now that he had taken a step back he could see his cousin in a new light. But when he had left to go on his walk he had seen Pippin talking in a low voice with Faramir as they got into bed. In that moment Pippin had seemed so much like the innocent young Hobbit who had always come to Merry in the past. It was hard letting go of who his cousin had once been.

He knew he had to go back to the inn now, or he would be more asleep than awake next morning when he bid farewell to Éowyn and Faramir. It didn't pain him as much anymore to part from her so soon, he was certain that they would remain friends no matter what happened. He might be the only person outdoors in Bree this night but he knew he was not alone.

Gosh, I remember saying in the beginning that this series was not going to be drama or anguish… Apparently I don't know myself all that well =) As usual I would love any comments or suggestions. Did I handle the argument well, Pippin's loneliness well, Merry and Éowyn's friendship well? I'm eager to know! When I wrote this chapter I had so many thougths in my head that I wanted to include but there wasn't room for half of it even so I had to pick bits and pieces. Did it seem jumpy? Please let me know, I've had a lot of different emotions concerning this chapter and would much like any comments whether they be good or bad =)

Next week won't be as dramatic. But Merry and Pippin are no more, so I can't guarantee you that it will be free from drama! And speaking of drama, hopefully before next week I'll have finished my 5th ficlet for "Keeping the Watch". I've been neglecting those stories lately… Okay, I'll stop babbling! Thank you for reading, have a really nice weekend!


	18. 1446

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Author's Note: This is really an uneven chapter. The first half (roughly) is devoted to one storyline while the other half is devoted to another. The second storyline is pretty much just setting the stage for a plotline which won't be introduced for a long time yet, and will probably seem irrelevant right now. So bear with me, if you get through the second half you'll get a pretty big clue to what next week's chapter will be about!

I also want to say a huge thanks for all the response I got on last week's chapter! Thank you all for reviewing, your comments helped me a lot! Though I must have done something wrong, for you weren't supposed to dislike Éowyn. I was actually worried that Pippin would come off as self-absorbed! Goes to show you can never really judge your own writing… =)

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Disclaimer: The same, JRR Tolkien owns most of the characters and all of the places.

"I found an apple left over from last harvest" Diamond said and held a large red apple up in front of Pippin. "I'll trade it for a smile."

Pippin smiled slightly and reached for the apple. Diamond pulled back her hand so that he couldn't reach it.

"A real smile, Pip."

A slightly wider smile appeared on his face.

"You're a tough salesman" he said. "We could use you at the market."

Diamond wasn't as amused. She was very concerned for him and had been for months now. With a sigh she put the apple down on his desk.

"Don't you think it's time to smile now, Peregrin? Six months have gone by…"

It was February, unusually gloomy both outside and inside the Smials. Pippin had tried hard to live as he had promised himself he would but he was failing. He had not the heart to sing, laugh or jest and winter had never seemed so cold and dark before. He hadn't seen much of Merry since August, he avoided him when he could. He was sure that his cousin was doing just fine, and that thought made Pippin bitter.

He hadn't truly realised how strange and empty even his social life would be after the break with Merry. Suddenly they only attended the same parties when duty called for it, and when they were there they tried their best to ignore one another. They never visited Bag End at the same time, which meant that they couldn't celebrate all the birthdays that took place there. It put a restriction on their lives that neither felt comfortable with.

"How are you feeling?" Diamond asked with a worried glance and sat down on Pippin's desk next to the apple. "You look even more down in the dumps that normally."

"It's Lúthien's birthday soon" Pippin said after some hesitation. "I don't think I will be going to congratulate her. I want to, I want to so much, but I know that me being there will only make things odd and ruin her birthday. I never thought I'd lose the children when I lost Merry."

"Visit her in the evening then" Diamond suggested. "I'm sure she wants a visit from her favorite uncle on her seventh birthday."

"Fatty's her favorite uncle" Pippin pointed out. "He's actually her **only** uncle. I'm her cousin once removed. Though I like the sound of 'uncle' better."

Diamond handed him the apple and tousled his curls. He rewarded her with the closest he would get to a genuine smile and she rose to leave him alone with his work. He had a lot to do, as usual. Spring and fall were crops season, winter and summer paperwork season. He always had something he had to do.

If only he would cheer up a bit. But Diamond knew he wouldn't, not for a long while yet. She was making up her mind more and more, things could not go on this way. Pippin was depressed and she knew Merry was not much happier. She had spoken to Estella at the last party they had been to, and her former friend had confirmed her suspicions. Diamond found it very foolish that both of them would walk around feeling low, it was time someone did something about it.

She still hated Pippin's friendship with Merry, more for each year that went by, because she knew there was no way around it. Either they were together and she barely saw Pippin or they were apart and he was sad. After all the two had meant to each other she couldn't believe that their problem was unfixable. She knew both were trying to move on with their lives and stand on their own, but both she and Estella had seen that it just wasn't working.

It grieved Diamond that the split between Pippin and Merry affected other people so much. She and Pippin had been great ever since the night at Crickhollow when she had heard him sing again, from that night on it was like their marriage had been revived. She had begun to hope that he would be okay on his own, he hadn't seemed so down over his problems with Merry anymore. But then the definite break had come and after that Pippin had drawn into his shell and was impossible to reach the way she had reached him before. She missed him, she wanted her husband back.

"Diamond this was a bad idea" Pippin moaned and hung his wet coat up to dry.

"Nonsense" Diamond said. "Would you rather be out there in the rain, dear? It was either Crickhollow or Brandy Hall. And remember that we can stop by there on our way back to the Smials, and you can congratulate Lúthien."

"If the weather will be good enough for travelling" Pippin sighed and looked out the window. "It's only getting worse by the minute. It's a storm by now! Dimesy why did we have to come here? Why did we have to leave the Smials, we had a nice warm fireplace there, not to mention we were dry!"

Diamond didn't answer. She hung her own coat up to dry next to Pippin's and went ahead to light a few fires. Pippin groaned and sat down by the kitchen table. He had not been to Crickhollow for well over a year and didn't like spending damp and chilly winter days there for no apparent reason. But Diamond had wanted to go out for a while and for some reason they had ended up at their old home when she began to freeze in what had by now become a storm.

Pippin remembered the last time he had been at Crickhollow very clearly. It had been for the celebration of September 22nd a year and a half earlier. That time they had had a good time together, the Tooks, Brandybucks and Gamgees. Last year had been quite different.

Two days before the annual celebration Merry had gotten ill again, not as bad as before but bad enough to put him into bed. Estella had complained that the only reason for his illness was that he didn't look forward to spending a family night together with Pippin, but nothing she said had helped. Sam, who at this point hadn't known what was going on, had suggested that they celebrate at Brandy Hall so that Merry could take part in the festivities anyway. Estella had helped Merry out by saying that it wasn't a good idea, he needed to rest, and so she ended up sending the children to Bag End and stayed home with Merry that night. She hadn't wanted to cover for him but she had realised it was the best thing to do at that time. He was still weak from his illness and she didn't want him upset. She had told him however that she thought he was being very silly, to which he had only replied that staying home would be better for him than going anywhere, and he did indeed need his rest.

When Diamond returned to the kitchen Pippin was still sitting by the table, twirling his hat around his finger. He looked bored. She tried desperately to come up with something to say, but suddenly the door opened and helped her out.

"Who in all the world?" Pippin wondered and rose to see who it was that came in such lousy weather.

In came Merry, shaking his head so that water flew in all directions from his curls. He looked up and saw Pippin and Diamond and looked just as shocked as Pippin. Then he bowed slightly and hung off his coat.

"What in the world was so important that I had to ride out here in this weather, on my daughter's seventh birthday?" he asked Diamond.

"Diamond?" Pippin asked, sounding very unpleased.

Diamond took a firm grip of Merry's arm, then did the same with Pippin and strode off with them toward Pippin's old study.

"I am sick and tired of how you two are bickering" she said.

"We're not" Pippin objected.

"You have barely spoken in six months!"

"I believe bicker is a form of speaking" Pippin said in a cheeky tone.

"You two are going to sit down and talk, and you are going to work this mess out" Diamond said. "Stop acting like children and stop running!"

"Do we have to do this now?" Merry asked. "Estella's expecting me back!"

"No she isn't. I've already talked to her about this, Estella is just as sick as I am of you two moping around."

"I do not mope!" Merry objected.

"Oh yes you do. You need him just as much as I do, we both know so. And when you're not with him you mope."

Pippin rolled his eyes and wondered where she was going to drag them. Right now he was quite angry with her, he did not like having something like this sprung on him. This would in no way be helpful.

"What is the meaning of this, might I ask?" he wondered.

"To stop this madness" Diamond answered. "You are both acting like immature children and I have had quite enough of it."

"It is not your problem" Pippin objected.

"That's where you're wrong Peregrin, it is my problem. It has always been my problem. The two of you come as a set, and right now everyone is suffering because of your silly behavior. So fix it and give the rest of us some peace!"

"Diamond I really don't have time for this" Merry objected. "It's Lúthien's birthday today. I have to get back to the Hall."

"Well then you'd better start talking" Diamond said and let go of Pippin to open the door to his study. Then she shoved Merry inside and Pippin after him. "You are not leaving this room until you are friends again. Is that clear?"

"Diamond it doesn't work that way!" Pippin complained as she slammed the door shut. He took a deep sigh and plunged down in his chair.

"You married a tedious one, didn't you?" Merry muttered.

"That was low" Pippin grumpily replied.

"I don't have time for this nonsense" Merry said and grabbed the door handle. However he couldn't get the door open. "She locked the door! I cannot believe her!" He banged angrily on the door. "Diamond!"

"Why do you bother?" Pippin asked. "She's already halfway to the kitchen."

Merry replied something quite less than polite and angrily banged his fist on the door. Pippin ignored him and curled up in his chair. He had a feeling he would be stuck in it for quite some time, it was only good sense to get comfortable. Merry however had no intention of sitting down and getting comfortable.

"Does she think this is a way to solve anything?" he growled and began pacing back and forth by the door.

"Apparently so" Pippin said indifferently and began filing his nails.

"All that is going to happen is that we're going to be stuck in here all day long, hungry and thirsty and still not speaking when we get out of here!"

"Perhaps she is hoping we'll start speaking of how we hate being stuck here" Pippin suggested without caring too much.

"Will you stop being so indifferent and get off your bum and help me?" Merry snarled.

"Help you do what?" Pippin asked. "Growl the door open? You might as well realise it Merry, we're stuck here until she changes her mind."

"Can't you win her over when she comes by?"

"Try sneaking out the window instead, it's much simpler."

"Oh you're a funny one, aren't you?" Merry rebuffed, knowing very well that the window in Pippin's study didn't open.

"She won't let us out in her current state of mind, so what's the use in getting all worked up about it?" Pippin asked.

"I'll tell you what the use is!" Merry said. "I have a birthday party to attend! I can't be stuck here all day with **you**!"

"Thank you" Pippin said, hurt by the last comment.

Merry moaned in frustration once more and continued pacing. Pippin ignored his further comments, not in the mood for even small talk. Merry continued to growl and gruff and bang the door every now and then, after fifteen minutes Pippin was ready to strangle him. But he didn't move from his chair and he didn't speak. Merry would eventually realise that Diamond was not going to come and open the door just because he was angry. When she had her mind set on something it was not easy to change it.

Three long hours passed. It was time for elevenzies and Diamond prepared some sandwiches for the two lads, figuring they would be hungry. She hadn't heard Merry for two hours now and she hoped that would be a good sign.

She fished out her key and unlocked the door. Pippin and Merry looked up when they heard her coming. Pippin was still curled up in his chair, filing his feet in lack of better entertainment. Merry had parked in a chair with a high back, which happened to be turned so that the back was facing Pippin. He sat in that chair with his arms crossed and an unusually grumpy look on his face, but brightened slightly when he heard Diamond come.

Diamond entered with her tray and Merry flew to his feet, ready to make a break for it. Diamond saw what he was up to in the corner of her eye and gave him an icy look.

"Sit down again!" she commanded.

Out of sheer surprise at her command Merry halted and obediently sat down in his chair again. Diamond put the tray down on the desk in front of Pippin and looked from one Hobbit to the other. It was obvious that no improvements had occurred. Keeping in a sad sigh she left and locked the door behind her again.

"You sure made the most out of that opportunity to escape" Pippin said maliciously and grabbed a sandwich.

"Be quiet" Merry sighed and went over to get some food and one of the tankards. "Seriously Pippin, how long will she keep us here?"

"Why are you asking me, I don't know!" Pippin said.

Merry angrily sat down again and began to eat his food. Right now Diamond was on his list of people he didn't like. He couldn't stop thinking about his daughter and the birthday party he was missing out on. He could only hope Diamond would come to her senses soon and let him go back home.

"Oh what a day to be stuck here…" he sighed. "Lúthien's birthday, I should be at home! I promised I would be there and I don't go back on my promises."

"Congratulations, that makes me so proud" Pippin snided from his chair, having his own bitter memories of when Merry had indeed gone back on his promises.

"Oh would you like to be stuck here on Faramir's birthday?"

"I wouldn't leave home to go to Crickhollow to meet someone else's wife on my son's birthday, thus I wouldn't end up in a situation like this."

"You make it sound like I came out here for a rendezvous!" Merry objected.

"Oh Diamond would never" Pippin said calmly and grabbed another sandwich.

"But I would?"

Pippin shrugged his shoulders. Merry growled once more and ignored his cousin to focus on his meal.

Another two hours passed. Once more Diamond came with food, this time meat and potatoes. This time Merry tried a different approach to getting to leave.

"Dimesy…" he said. "Won't you let me leave? What good is going to come of me missing Lúthien's birthday party?"

"Don't call her Dimesy" Pippin said. That was his nickname for her, he didn't want Merry to use it.

"The best thing you can do for your daughter is to work out your problems with her uncle" Diamond said to Merry and put the tray down on Pippin's desk.

"She has only one uncle" Merry pointed out.

"By blood perhaps. But you know she loves Pippin as an uncle. Not strange, considering that you two have been brothers most of your life."

"What do you want from us?" Merry wondered.

"I want you to open your eyes and realise what you're doing! I want you to talk to one another! How can you be so cold toward each other after all that you once meant to one another? How can you be so blind as not to see?"

Pippin looked up from his food and gave her a sad look. She wanted everything to be fixable nice and easy but things just didn't happen that way. He felt very bad for how he had let her take the hit for what had happened between he and Merry but at the moment there was nothing he could do more than promise not to let it affect her from this point on.

"Ever since I met you I have been told how your bond is special" Diamond continued, sounding frustrated. "And you have always been right about that, you know it! You are like one, that is your destiny and you can't escape it no matter how hard you try."

"Things are different now" Merry said. "We have been here for five hours and not the slightest progress. We just can't get along anymore Diamond! It is my daughter's birthday today and I really don't want to miss it, especially not for something this futile!"

"It's not futile!" Diamond objected.

"For five hours have we been locked up in here and we haven't said as much as two kind words to one another" Merry said, desperate to get her to see that he needed to leave. "It's not going to happen Diamond, so you might as well just let me go!"

Diamond looked at him with sad eyes and saw how much he wanted to go. She had thought that forcing them together on Lúthien's birthday would be effective, that Merry would be in a hurry to go and thus not want to drag anything out. But she had been wrong, the gap was indeed much greater than she had thought.

Turning on her heel she stormed out and slammed the door behind her, filled with disappointment. Merry groaned when he heard the door lock again. It was hopeless, he would never get out of this old study.

"That last part was unnecessary" Pippin said in a low voice, sounding sad.

"What would you have had me say then?"

"I just feel so sorry for her" Pippin said. "Did you not see the look on her face? I have failed her in far too many ways and even now I can't deliver. I'm really lousy at returning all the love she gives me…"

Merry didn't comment. He remained seated in his chair as Pippin ate in silence. After a few minutes the smell of the warm food became irresistible to Merry's Hobbit stomach and he got up and walked over to the desk. He pulled up a chair and sat opposite Pippin, and they both ate in silence.

Once the meal was finished Merry threw his napkin down and leaned back in his chair, determined to get to go home.

"Let's get this over with then" he said. "Let's talk and make her happy and then we can all go home."

"It's not that easy" Pippin said. "She doesn't want us just to talk, she wants us to be friends again. She's always had a thing for wanting the impossible…"

"But if talk we must then let's talk!" Merry said and shrugged his shoulders as if it didn't matter what they would talk about. "Do you have anything you want to say to me?"

"Other than that you've slobbered all over my desk?"

"I'll take that as a no" Merry said and rose. "And I don't have anything I want to say either. We're off to a great start."

Pippin ignored him and cleaned up as well as he could on the desk after his cousin. Merry paced back and forth and Pippin understood why Estella hated when he did that. It was in truth very annoying.

"Come on now Pippin" Merry eventually said. "She's your wife! You must know some way we can get her to let us out of here!"

"She's sick and tired of us" Pippin said. "Don't you get it? Through me her happiness has always been dependant of you! She doesn't want to have a bad home life anymore because her husband suddenly had a major change in his life and hasn't quite adjusted yet! She wants everything to be fixed neatly and nicely by simply going back to the way things were before!"

"But it can't, can it?"

"You always were the bright one" Pippin sarcastically replied.

Merry sighed deeply and sunk back down in the chair he had spent several hours in already. The situation was not only very annoying but also seeming more and more hopeless.

"Let's not beat around the bush anymore then" he said. "If she wants us to talk about what happened this fall then let's do just that. We can't go back, but perhaps we could at least clean the wound so that it doesn't get infected again."

"What happened this fall was pretty plain" Pippin said. "You went back on all you've ever promised me and you forsook me."

"Why am only I to blame?" Merry asked. "You're the one who made the ultimatum!"

"Because I couldn't keep having half a friendship! I needed to know!"

"And did it feel better when you stormed out on me before I got to answer you?"

"You did answer. Before our last trip to Gondor you would have chosen me in a heartbeat and we both know it. Your hesitation was answer enough."

"Why couldn't you accept that we had grown apart?" Merry asked. "It didn't have to be this way Pippin!"

"Maybe not…" Pippin said. "I thought a lot about what you said the night we had our argument, that growing apart was not the same as ending the friendship. And you were right. But understand that I can't settle for less than a full friendship. I can't be only grown-apart friends with you, to me that's a mockery of how close we were all my life!"

Merry was quiet for a moment. Pippin saying that he agreed with something Merry had said during their big fight had taken him by surprise and for a moment he didn't know what to say.

"But what did you want from me?" he asked after a few minutes. "I couldn't help what had happened anymore than you could."

"Yes you could" Pippin said. "Because you were the one who put words to the situation. I would never have thought we were grown apart unless you had said so! And that planted a seed of doubt in me which led us eventually to that fight we had."

"But it wasn't meant like that" Merry said. "I only said it once, and you weren't meant to hear it! You should have said something then and there, that way all of this could have been avoided. Instead you had to drag it out until it became a huge problem and it killed our friendship."

"Love may come and go, some relatives die others are born… But true friendship, that is forever. Come what may" Pippin said and glanced at Merry. "Words of a poet that I used to know."

"What the heck did I know really?"

"You know what?" Pippin snickered. "Maybe you were right about something else. Maybe we need to be apart. Maybe all we ever did the last ten years was hold each other back. Make that twenty years."

"What makes you so sure all of a sudden?"

"Because although we claimed we had such a healthy friendship we both knew it wasn't so. We were both too scared of losing the other that we set aside problems and things that upset us, and let them grow inside of us."

"What are you talking about?" Merry asked, thinking his cousin had gone mad.

"Do you have any idea how hurt I was when you took Estella?" Pippin asked. "Good lord Meriadoc, I loved her! And then you came and stole her away from me, and all I could do was accept it. I was so scared of losing you that I never even lashed out at you for that betrayal. You did a very ugly thing Merry, and I let you. Did you ever stop to think how I felt through that ordeal? Do you think it was easy for me to see her with you? Do you think it was easy for me to see you wed? How would you have felt if she had suddenly left you for me?"

"That's ancient history" Merry said. "You couldn't possibly be upset about that still! You have Diamond now!"

"Of course I can still be upset about it!" Pippin objected. "I loved her and I lost her to you. And I let it happen because I didn't want to lose you. I never allowed myself to be mad at you no matter what you did to me. What a sissy I was, I completely let you run over me. But yes, I have Diamond now. And I love her more than I loved Estella, much more!"

"You make it sound as if I hurt you and you never did anything to hurt me" Merry objected and got on his feet again. He began pacing back and forth once more. "You kissed my wife. She was the mother of three of my children and you kissed her! But I forgave you, did I not? I didn't yell at you, I let it pass! I forgave you just as you've forgive me."

"And we've both been wrong in doing so. We haven't been completely honest with each other for decades, not since Estella Bolger came into our lives! She was the beginning of our end. For we couldn't let a **lass** come between us, we were the Inseparable Two! If you looked for Meriadoc you could count on finding Peregrin as well, and vice versa. We were so scared of falling out with each other that we forgave and pretended that we forgot. But the truth is we haven't forgotten. And it's eaten away at our friendship with each passing year. We cannot be friends for we are not honest with one another. That's what the problem is."

Merry didn't say anything. He grabbed the chair he had been sitting in and turned it around so that it faced Pippin. Then instead of sitting down in it he began to pace again.

"So that's it then?" he asked. "We can't be friends anymore for that reason?"

"It all started with Estella" Pippin sighed. "You know, I'm glad I ended up with Diamond. I loved Estella very much but Diamond is even more special. She's got a personal energy instead of Estella's physical energy. Estella is quite dull compared to Diamond."

"Watch what you say!" Merry warned. "Whatever you say about my wife you say about me!"

"Merry, **you're** dull" Pippin said.

"No I'm not!"

"You have been dull for as long as I've known you. Where's your fire? Where's your passion? If it were up to you you would have spent your entire youth staying home and behaving nicely. You never wanted to do anything fun unless I suggested it."

"That is not true" Merry objected. "The most un-dull things I ever did in my life I did without you being there!"

"You mean war? Merry, that was not about being dull or not, that was about fighting for what you believe in. It's different. It was forced upon you not initiated by you."

Merry sunk down in his chair.

"Hey Pip… I have to ask… During these six months, have you missed me?" He waited for an answer but didn't get one. "You've seemed like you've been fine, like even though you're upset over our breaking you've been more relieved than anything else."

"I am relieved" Pippin said. "Relieved that there's no more tiptoeing around things. To tell you the truth, as horrible as it was it felt **good** to fight with you. I needed to fight with you. I needed to feel that I could be mad at you, nearly hate you even."

"So you haven't missed me?" Merry asked. He sighed. "For lord knows I have missed you." There was a long pause. "I have been mad at you too, of course. But at the end of the day I still missed being part of Merry and Pippin."

"I did miss that" Pippin admitted.

Merry thought about it more and more and slowly came to realise what he really felt. It had taken him months, but now he finally felt like he knew.

"I just don't think we can ever be truly apart" he said. "No matter how angry we are. We are one you and I, we belong together, we're as… as two trees that share their roots! It's like a jigsaw puzzle with only two pieces. And I am forever your friend. When apart we miss each other, for we are one."

Pippin nodded slowly.

"Yes, I guess we are, on some level. But I can't go back to the way things were, I can't! I will suffocate! I need to be able to yell at you when I'm mad, turn my back at you for a while when I'm hurt and try to stand on my own two feet once in a while. For fifty-five years I've based my whole identity on you and never stood on my own without you. Only once, during the War, and do you know something? I have never grown more than during those days! And frankly I have never felt such a rush of independence. I was out there, on my own, only Gandalf to lean on and frankly he's not the most supportive person in the world. I was terrified, had had never been more scared in my life, yet it felt great because I did it! On my own! I need to be on my own now too every once in a while, or I will get stuck and never evolve. I need to not be with you as much. I've tasted independence and I cannot go back to being chained to you!"

"Perhaps you can have too much of a good thing" Merry nodded.

"So if you want to still be friends, let's be friends. But I will not go back to the way things were. I want to be able to be angry with you from time to time."

"How about a fresh start over?" Merry suggested. "The old friendship of Merry and Pippin, that's the past. From now on we're friends, not best friends, just friends. And we'll see where we go from there. You will have your space to grow."

"I don't know if I can" Pippin said. "I don't know how to be anything other than your best friend. Being 'just a friend' is impossible."

"Then let's not put a label on things. Let's just do what we feel like and see what happens. That's how we ended up best friends to begin with. If that's not acceptable to you, then I don't know what you want!"

Pippin nodded slowly and rose from his chair. He had been sitting down for more than five hours straight, his legs were asleep and he needed to move around a bit. He looked out the window and raised an eyebrow.

"It's stopped raining" he said. "Looks like the storm is over."

Diamond braced herself before she unlocked the door to bring the lads their afternoon tea. She wondered how long she would have to keep them locked up like this. She was determined to keep them there for as long as it would take, but she longed to leave and go back home. She had absolutely nothing to do while she waited for the two to make friends again.

To her surprise she found Merry and Pippin huddled in the chair Merry had been sitting in earlier, both silent but looking calm and at peace. Pippin had his head leaned against Merry's shoulder and seemed to be close to drifting off to sleep. Diamond nearly dropped her tray but managed to set it down on the desk without spilling.

"Can I go home now?" Merry asked.

"I see you two are nicer to each other now" Diamond noted.

"Yeah…" Pippin said. "But Diamond, things aren't back to the way they were. You're not looking at inseparable friends."

"Just bored friends" Merry sighed.

"I'm not following…" Diamond said.

"You were right about one thing, we do belong together" Merry said. "Like birds of a feather, or sun and moon."

"But things are too complicated for us to just start over" Pippin said. "No amount of time locked up in here is going to change that. Time heals all wounds, all we can do is wait and see."

Diamond nodded slowly.

"All right then… Merry if you have somewhere to go, go."

"Thank you!" Merry grinned and flew to his feet. He was out the door before Diamond could say another word.

Diamond looked at Pippin and wondered what he was feeling now. He was emotionally exhausted, that much was obvious, both he and Merry were. But he looked lonely even though he and Merry said they had buried the hatchet.

She walked up to him and sat down in the chair, taking the spot Merry had vacated. Pippin leaned his head against her shoulder and she gently kissed the top of his head.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. I've never felt this way before. But I will be okay. The relationship he and I once had is gone, I need to accept that now. I'm not out of the woods yet. It will take just a little longer, but I promise I won't be a pain. It's time that I start to live for myself and through myself, instead of through him."

"I'm sorry things had to be this way" Diamond said.

"Me too."

He sighed deeply and buried his face in her neck. She put her arms around him and pulled him close, holding him like she had held Faramir when he was younger and had fallen and hurt himself. There was something even more lonesome about Pippin now, but she had to believe that he would be fine again. She knew she would be to support him every step of the way. Merry might have left, but she never would.

It was almost time for Lúthien to go to bed, but she was resisting as much as she possibly could. She didn't want to go to bed so early on her birthday of all days, and Estella dreaded when she would have to get her ready for bed.

Merry had returned a few hours ago, without saying anything about how things had gone during the day. Estella had figured out that it was Diamond's plan that had kept him away for so long, now she wondered if it had failed. She couldn't tell what her husband was feeling, she had expected either great joy or sadness but he seemed indifferent.

There was a knock on the door to the sitting room, and Fatty went to open the door. He seemed very surprised and slightly nervous to see that the surprise guests were Pippin and Diamond, on their way back to the Smials, and glanced nervously at Merry to see how he would react.

Merry didn't react at all. He had more or less expected it. The rest however seemed very surprised, they hadn't expected visitors from the Smials. Lúthien quickly got over the surprise and ran into Pippin's arms for a birthday hug.

"Uncle Pippin!" she exclaimed. "I knew you would be here! I wished it!"

"You didn't think I would miss your birthday, did you?" Pippin smiled.

Lucky quickly followed his sister's example but went to hug Diamond instead. He had not seen her for months. Diamond lifted him up and jokingly complained that he had gotten so much heavier since the last time they saw each other.

Estella tried to get eye contact with Diamond to get an answer to how the day had gone, but Diamond only had eyes for Lucky at the moment. Estella looked over at Pippin and caught a look and a smile he exchanged with Merry. She relaxed and smiled slightly. Though things were obviously not as they should at least the worst was over.

Pippin grinned at Lúthien and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. It felt good to be there, good to be her uncle again.

"We have to do something about this" Pippin complained three months later when he, Merry and three of the children reached Bag End. Rain had surprised them on their way and they were all soaked. "The road between here and home is too long whenever bad weather decides to surprise you!"

"And what do you suggest we do then?" Merry asked. "Bring umbrellas?"

"No…" Pippin whined. "Something better than that. There really ought to be an inn somewhere on the road, where one could stop, have something to eat and drink and dry up!"

"Who would want to build and manage an inn that would only be used by **us** once or twice a year?" Merry asked.

"I don't know, perhaps someone with your positive attitude" Pippin snided.

"Pippin's right" Sam said and hung up Faramir's coat to dry. "Somewhere along the road there ought to be some place with a little shelter."

"Where?" Merry asked. "There's no good spot to build an inn."

"Does it have to be an inn then?" Sam asked.

"Anything with walls and a roof would do for me" Pippin said.

"So you're suggesting we build a cottage there, so we can use it when bad weather surprises us?" Merry said sarcastically.

"Precisely!" Pippin said and snapped his fingers. "Splendid idea, old friend! A cottage is exactly what we need!"

"Where could one possibly--"

"There's that glade ten yards into the woods, about halfway between here and the Smials" Aramac pointed out.

"That's perfect!" Pippin said. "A cottage there, where we could keep some food, a fireplace, and perhaps a small stable for whatever animal you're riding!"

"Pippin…" Merry sighed.

"It's a good idea, Merry" Sam said. "Wouldn't it be nice to have someplace to find shelter in case of bad weather? It only sounds like good sense to me!"

"We've been fine without a cottage in the middle of nowhere for fifty years" Merry pointed out.

"Maybe" Sam said. "But when was the last time you brought Lucimac with you here, save for on September 22nds? You don't bring him in case the weather would change and he'd come down with something."

"Perhaps, but--"

"Great!" Pippin said. "It's settled then! A cottage there, we can build it this summer!"

"That sounds like a great idea" Sam agreed. "We could all use a little time outdoors. And it would be a great opportunity for the lads to practice the fine art of house building."

"I won't be needing it!" Aramac quickly said. "I'm going to be living at Crickhollow."

"So will I!" Faramir said. "So I don't have to build!"

"And I'll be living with them!" Cordy said.

"Now wait just a minute" Sam said. "**Everybody** is going to help."

"Look what you've done" Merry moaned to Pippin.

"Cheer up" Pippin grinned. "A little hard work will be nice for a change. I haven't lifted a finger outdoors for two years, other than supervising."

Merry groaned once more. He didn't want to build a cottage and he most definitely didn't want to have to spend most of summer doing it. But Pippin and Sam had already hurried off to Sam's study to plan the build. Sometimes there was just no stopping them.

A month later the work on the cottage was far advanced. Sam and Merry's daughters, all except Lúthien and Primrose, had cleared the glade of roots, bushes and other things that would be in the way for the build. Then Sam, Pippin and a reluctant Merry had begun working on the cottage. By Midsummer's Eve they had gotten roughly one third of the way with the exterior.

Up until then they had worked on their own, but on Midsummer they decided to get the children more involved. Soon Merry's two oldest sons as well as all but Sam's two youngest were hard at work. Toward the evening Rose, Estella and Diamond came out with picnic baskets and the rest of the children. Pippin, who was seemingly practising the fine art of balance on what would become the stable roof, saw them first.

"Lovely!" he cried. "Here comes food, ale and some great company!"

"And above all, a chance to get some rest" Merry sighed.

"Now don't be crabby, Meriadoc!" Pippin said and began to wave happily with both arms to the approaching carriages.

"**Pippin**!" they could hear Diamond shouting. "You get down from there right now or you'll slip and fall!"

"What?" Pippin said and pretended not to be able to hear. "I can't hear you!"

"Merry get him down from there!" Diamond shouted.

Pippin grinned and began balancing his way across the two beams that were going to be the foundations of the roof.

"You're going to give Mother a heart attack" Faramir said.

"Just so long as she doesn't find out you want to get up here too she should be fine" Pippin said and wobbled a bit.

"Pippin!" Diamond shouted once more.

"You'd better come on down from there" Sam said. "She'll get mighty mad if you don't!"

The carriages stopped by the side of the road and Merry Gamgee hurried off to tend to the horses. Éowyn however only let him take care of the pony driving Rose's cart, she preferred taking care of the Buckland pony herself.

"Careful!" Merry said as Lúthien and Robin Gamgee came running into the glade. "There might be nails on the ground. Keep over there, by the rucksacks, for now, until we've made sure the ground is safe."

"You don't want to step on something sharp" Théodoc told his younger sister and lifted her up. "Do as Father says."

"Peregrin Took!" Diamond angrily said as she strode into the glade with a picnic basket in one hand and Bilbo in the other. "Don't make me come up there and get you!"

"By all means do" Pippin said and continued his balancing act.

"Pippin please" Estella sighed and came into the glade, also with a picnic basket in one hand and a child in the other.

"Just let him stay up there" Merry said. "That only means more food for us."

"We're eating now?" Pippin said. "In that case I'll be down in a minute!"

He sat down on the pole and in a very lithe way swung around so that he was hanging with by his knees with his head down. He grinned at Diamond's upset cries and as pliable as an Elf he got down on the ground.

"I suppose you think that was very funny" Diamond said grumpily when he walked up to her.

"Indeed it was" Pippin said and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Now what goodies did you bring us Dimesy?"

"None for you" Diamond said. "You don't deserve any food after that stunt!"

"Mother, it's not that dangerous" Faramir said. "The worst thing that can happen is that you fall down."

"Faramir remember that you're a Hobbit" Diamond said. "Hobbits and heights do not go well together."

"So don't you go climbing up there again!" Lúthien said and shook her finger at Pippin.

"If you ask me sweetheart, then I won't" Pippin said and sat down next to her on a blanket.

"Great!" Lúthien said and handed him a tiny goat made out of rocks and sticks. "Here, I made this for you."

Sam and Frodo went back to the carriages to get the last baskets with food, both hungry enough to eat the ponies as well. The build was going well, but it was work that woke an appetite. They were both glad to get a chance to eat without having to ride back to the Smials or Bag End.

"Look at this, this is a **feast**!" Pippin Gamgee exclaimed and began to investigate what was in the basket his brother handed him. "Pies, cakes… Mushrooms!"

"Those are for dessert!" Rose said. "Leave them alone, young lad!"

Pippin obediently left the basket alone and scooted over slightly to make room for Éowyn who had just secured the pony by a tree in the edge of the glade. Young Merry came right behind her and sat down as well.

"Let's see now…" Pippin Took said and begun searching through another basket. "Now this is what I call a proper meal out in the woods! I only wish we had a fire so we could roast this corn! But the fireplace in the cottage is not even half-built yet."

"You've made fires out in the open before" Sam pointed out. "Stop getting your hands all over the corn and come help me build a fire."

"This is a lovely surprise" Merry said to the lasses. "I didn't expect to see you out here!"

"Well it is Midsummer's Eve" Rose said. "We thought you could use a feast."

"We've earned it" Aramac said with feeling.

"You, young lad, have worked for a day" Estella said. "Think of your father, he has worked for over two weeks. How is your back, dear?"

"It's fine" Merry said. Ever since his fall from the pony his back had been bothering him in bad weather and when he worked too hard. Estella worried that working on the cottage would put too big a strain on him. She knew his back caused him pain almost every day even though he didn't let it on.

"I can tell you what isn't fine!" Faramir said. "My stomach! I'm starving!"

"Faramir, you're always starving" Éowyn said.

Faramir grinned at her and she tossed him an apple from one of the baskets. Eventually they managed to unpack most of the food and begin their feast. Pippin and Sam got a fire going and before long they were roasting popcorn and some of the meat over an open fire. While they ate the sun slowly began to set. By the time they were done it was not long until dusk, which came late in summertime.

"This would be a good time for a story…" Cordy said with a glance at his father.

"Yes! A story!" most of the children agreed.

"I love storytelling by a fire out in the wild" Merry said with a smile. Lúthien crept up in his lap and pulled his hair.

"Well then tell us one, Father!"

"Okay then" Merry said. "How about a story of the Midsummer Rides in Rohan? You see, in Rohan, where the Horse Lords live, they each Midsummer have lots of races with their horses."

"Yes, that will do" Lúthien decided.

Merry laughed and ruffled her blonde curls.

"I'm glad that it suits you, my legolass" he said, using the nickname he sometimes called her because of her blonde hair.

"On with the story" Éowyn urged on, knowing how easily her sister could sidetrack people.

Merry told them of the annual races held in Rohan, and then Rose told them one of her favourite stories. When she was finished Estella took over, followed by Diamond and Sam. By the time Sam had finished his story of how the eagles saved Bilbo, Gandalf and the dwarves the sun had almost set completely. It was only two hours until midnight.

"Now it's your turn, Peregrin" Diamond said. "What story do you have?"

"It's getting late actually" Estella said and looked at the setting sun. "Perhaps we should be getting back to the Hall."

"No!" all the children complained. "Just one more story!"

Pippin glanced at the setting sun and ignored young Robin who was sitting in his lap and tugging his arm to make him tell a story. Faramir followed his father's glance and wondered what was so special about the setting sun all of a sudden.

"What happens when you die?" Lucky suddenly asked, and everyone went quiet.

"Must we talk about such things?" Rose asked after a minute and pulled her scarf around her as if she suddenly was cold.

"But I want to know what happens" Lucky said.

"Nobody knows" Sam said. "If you're an Elf you go to Valinor. But not even Gandalf knows what happens to us."

Pippin kept looking at the setting sun and remembered something Gandalf had once said to him about what happened after life. Not knowing why he did it he sang a few lines.

__

And all will turn

To silver glass

A light on the water

All souls pass

"What does that mean?" Cordy asked, only to be shushed by his father.

"Well that was Pippin's story" Rose said and rose to her feet. "Now all children under the age of fifteen are coming with us, either to Bag end or the Smials. It's time for bed."

"That was not a story!" Bilbo objected.

"It is tonight. And now it's off to bed" Rose said.

"But it's not even midnight yet!" Daisy complained.

"It will be by the time we get home. Now hurry Daisy! Take Robin with you."

"No fair" Daisy sulked.

"Mother can I stay longer?" Aramac asked.

"No, you ought to get into bed soon so that you've got lots of strength for tomorrow" Estella said. "The cottage still needs to be built then!"

"Okay…" Aramac sighed.

Rose, Estella and Diamond quickly rounded up the younger children as well as the blankets and baskets while Éowyn and Merry Gamgee went for the ponies. Before long they were off in their carriages, only Éowyn, Faramir, Frodo, young Pippin and Goldilocks remained with their fathers. Sam, Frodo and Pippin Took went and got a log for them all to sit on by the fire and together they watched the sun set.

"Does the setting sun look the same in all lands?" Faramir asked.

"You haven't really seen the sun set until you've seen it set over Minas Tirith" Pippin said sentimentally. "It is like seeing it set over ivory mountains… The sight is remarkable! Compared to that, sunset here is nearly boring."

"I wouldn't say that…" Merry objected. "And personally I think I prefer seeing the sun set in Fangorn Forest. The lighting is incredible."

"No, the best sunset is the one in Ithilien" Sam objected. "When you're by the Forbidden Pool and watch the sun set… That is the most beautiful sight!"

"We could argue about this all night" Pippin said with a smile. "I guess the truth is that sunset is different at each place you go to. And we all have our own favorites."

"Sing something more, father" Faramir prayed.

Pippin was quiet for a long while trying to decide what to sing. He couldn't think of anything that fitted on this night. Eventually he sang the first thing that came to mind, a song Legolas had taught him a long time ago.

__

An Elven-maid there was of old,

A shining star by day;

Her mantle white was hemmed with gold,

Her shoes of silver-grey.

A star was bound upon her brows,

A light was on her hair

A sun upon the golden boughs

In Lórien the fair.

Her hair was long, her limbs were white,

And fair she was and free;

And in the wind she went as light,

As leaf of linden-tree

As Pippin continued to sing, the youngsters one by one were rocked to sleep by his voice. When Pippin's song had reached its end only himself, Merry and Sam were still awake. They shared a look and together began to quietly sing the song Sam had written ten years before in honour of Frodo. The children slept peacefully, not knowing that they were missing out on tales more exciting than anything they had ever heard before.

When the sun began to rise again, two hours after midnight, Pippin, Sam and Merry woke the young and got them up on the carriage they had taken there early in the morning. Then they got up on their own ponies and quietly headed back to the Great Smials to spend the night.

Merry sat down by the breakfast table with a gloomy look on his face. It was early one August morning. Estella walked in, in a hurry as usual, and got as far as filling the kettle with water and placing it on the stove before she noticed the look on his face.

"What's the matter, dear?" she asked.

"It's Stybba" Merry said sadly. "He died sometime during the night. I just found him out in the pastures…"

"Oh darling…" Estella said with sympathy. "I'm so sorry! Unfortunately, I've got some other bad news."

"Do I want to hear it?" Merry sighed.

"Lucky and Lúthien both have fevers" Estella said. "And Théo seems to be coming down with something too."

"Great" Merry said with another sigh. "How bad is it?"

"You know Lucky…" Estella sighed. "If something's going around, he catches it. But Lúthien has not been sick a day in her life, I hope that isn't a sign of something serious."

"Is anything particular going around?" Merry asked and rose from his seat.

"Rose said that Bilbo and Robin were ill."

"They probably caught it from them, then" Merry said. "I'll go see how they are doing."

He hoped it was nothing serious. He wanted to fix a proper burial for Stybba, as were the customs in Rohan. His pony had served him faithfully for more than twenty-five years and deserved a good final rest. With any luck, it would be a simple case of cold that his children had.

It turned out to be worse than a simple cold. After an hour Estella spotted tiny red spots on Lucky, Lúthien and by the end of the day also Théodoc. They had come down with chicken pox, something which most Hobbits had when they were young. Unfortunately, none of the Brandybuck children had had chickenpox before, so now all six of them fell ill. It seemed to be hardest on Éowyn and Théo, who were the oldest, and Estella eventually tied potholders to their hands to keep them from scratching their itching spots.

Pippin and Sam came over after two days to help with Stybba's burial, which resulted in Faramir catching the pox as well. Sam's younger children already had it, the older ones had had it the winter before Hamfast was born. Chicken pox spread through Brandy Hall and the Great Smials and before long everyone under ten had it.

Pippin spent most of his days sleeping and most of his nights with Faramir. The sixteen years old lad had it in as bad a way as Éowyn and Théodoc and for a while Diamond was very concerned that he would die. Pippin told her she was being silly, he had never heard of anyone older than two years who had died from chicken pox, but he had agreed on having Faramir watched over at all times. He didn't mind getting to baby his son a bit, it scared him how fast the youngster was growing.

"Father…" Faramir asked one night when he was beginning to feel a bit better. "You and Uncle Merry… Are you friends again?"

Pippin raised an eyebrow at the question.

"I'm sorry" Faramir said. "I didn't mean to be intrusive."

"That's okay" Pippin said. "Honestly Faramir, I don't know what Merry and I are anymore. We're… we're not fighting, but we're not really friends either. It's all very confusing."

"I miss having him around."

"So do I…" Pippin said. "So do I."

"It's hard for be to believe that there is such an age difference between you" Faramir said, half-rambling from his fever. "Cordy follows me around whenever he gets the chance, but to me he's just a persistent child. Yet he's closer to my age than you are to Uncle Merry's…"

"I know" Pippin said with a slight smile. "Frodo Baggins was my good friend too. He was twenty-two, or rather turned twenty-two, the year I was born. Can you imagine that? One of your best friends not being born for another six years!"

"Frodo Baggins must have been a very special Hobbit" Faramir said.

"He was indeed. The most special Hobbit of us all. But don't trouble yourself with friendships that might come and go, Faramir. Nobody can say what friends they will have in life, friendship just happens, sometimes when you least expect it. All you should worry about right now is to get better. I much want to see you up and about again."

"I will…" Faramir said and closed his eyes to go to sleep. "And I shall dream that you and Merry are friends again."

"Faramir…" Pippin said. "Take some advice from your Father. Never become too dependent on a friend like I've been of Merry. For if something happens to that friend or that friendship, you lose far more than you'd like."

Faramir nodded, more asleep than awake. Pippin didn't know if he had heard the advice or not. He could only hope his son would never end up needing one of his friends as much as Pippin had needed Merry.

"Just lay still" Estella said and placed a pitcher of water on Merry's nightstand.

Merry groaned with pain and closed his eyes. He didn't know if he would be able to move even if he wanted to. His back was aching very badly, he had spent far too many hours in the past week crouched over sick children.

"Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?" Estella asked. "Some brew I can make perhaps?"

"No…" Merry said. "Nothing other than willow bark tea."

"Then I'll make some for you. You really need to rest more than you do, darling."

"Thanks for the advice" Merry said and rolled his eyes.

Estella smirked at him and left to make the tea. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and Pippin entered.

"Hey…" he said. "Rumour has it you are ill."

"It's just my back" Merry said.

"No it's not 'just' your back" Pippin said. "You only have one and you need to take better care of it. You're sixty-four years old, you shouldn't be going about as you do."

"I thought you said my life was dull" Merry said with a smile.

"I've written Strider" Pippin said. "We're going to get this back of yours fixed."

"I think that would require Elvish medicine" Merry said. "And none of the Elves who are still in Middle-Earth are skilled in medicine."

"Well Strider is going to give it a shot" Pippin said just as Estella entered with the tea. "We're leaving for Minas Tirith as soon as you can ride."

"Have you lost your mind?" Estella exclaimed.

"Hello Estella" Pippin said without turning around.

"Are you mad?" Estella said. "He cannot travel! His back is bad, he needs to be kept warm and not put any strain on it! He cannot travel in this time of year, especially not on horseback!"

"He is right here" Merry pointed out, not liking that she was referring to him in third person in his presence.

"And he is not going" Estella said.

"We've travelled to Gondor in fall and winter before" Pippin said. "The sooner he gets to the Houses of Healing the better."

"Estella, Pippin is right" Merry said. "I don't know if Strider can do anything, but if anyone can it is him."

"You had better look after him!" Estella said firmly to Pippin, realising that it was a no-win battle on her part.

"I will" Pippin said. Then he turned his attention back to Merry. "You get your behind out of that bed mighty quick, Master Meriadoc. We are going to Gondor."

Next week is Gondor week! Sorta… =) Merry in Pippin will be in Gondor, hoping to cure Merry's bad back. Please review, I would love to hear any comments you might have!


	19. 1447

**Author's Note**: I've got a few things on my mind today before I'll let you get on with the next chapter =) First of all, as you might notice this chapter is uploaded Thursday instead of Friday, since I'm away Friday - Sunday. But that's a smaller issue... Here's something odd, the coding has changed in my latest chapters! I was browsing through them today and only the most basic of the basic coding remained! What's up with that? O_o That's the second thing on my mind. The third is, this chapter is longer than my chapters usually are. It's odd, I felt like I was just writing to get to the end point and it was really hard getting there, then when I reached the point I had been writing to I realised that I had aldready written a full-length chapter and I still had a lot left! After trying to re-write and adjust I decided to just go back to how it originally looked and let it be long. Next week's chapter will be shorter to make up for it. Fourth on my to-tell list today is more of a clarification. About Merry's back, it's causing him pain because of the accident with the pony. Trust me, no matter how young you are, if you hurt yourself badly enough you will feel that pain for a long while ahead. It has nothing to do with age. And that brings me to number five, in this chapter his back has gotten worse because of his travel to Gondor. Aragorn's treatment is some combination of something a chiropractor told me once and some old folklore, it's pretty weird but I decided to leave it as it was. Don't try it at home, kids! Okay, now I'm done! =)  
  
**Disclaimer**: Characters and events from LotR are used without permission.  
  
**Dedication**: I would like to dedicate this chapter to the memory of Jason Raize, a very talented young man who I just learned committed suicide in early February! Raize sang the song "Endless Night" which I used in the chapter where Merry and Pippin cancel their friendship and it is a very magical voice who has left us. A great tragedy =(  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"Up on that hilltop and then back?" Merry suggested.  
  
Éowyn answered by driving her horse into a gallop with a cry. Merry answered the challenge at once and stormed after her on his pony. The two raced to the hilltop but Merry didn't stand a chance against the Lady on her mearas horse.  
  
Laughing happily Éowyn held in her beast when she reached the hilltop and waited for Merry to catch up. She loved being out riding with him again, she had not expected to see him again for years. She only wished he were there under happier circumstances. His back was hurting him, she could tell even though he tried to hide it.  
  
Merry felt a lot better being in Gondor again, breathing the air that seemed more free and being surrounded by friends of old. But it had been a long and difficult journey, he knew Pippin had had many difficulties with him during the two months it had taken them to travel. They both put their trust and hope to Strider now, if he couldn't heal Merry then no one could. They both hoped their long and difficult journey had not been in vain.  
  
"And now back" Éowyn said with a laugh when Merry reached the hilltop as well. "King Elessar will hold me personally responsible if you are not safely tucked in at the Houses of Healing within the hour!"  
  
"Then I'll tell him it was my fault I was late" Merry said. He didn't long to go back to the Houses, he preferred being out riding.  
  
"You'd better be back when he tells you to be back, or he won't let you go out riding again for a long time! You had to nag a lot just to get two hours now!"  
  
"I know…" Merry said. "I wish he would let me out more. Here I am, in my favourite place in all the world, and I don't get to enjoy it!"  
  
"You will get to enjoy it" Éowyn promised. "I shall not let you return to the Shire without having ridden with you to my brother."  
  
"How is Éomer King?" Merry asked as they began to ride back to Minas Tirith.  
  
"He is well" Éowyn said. "Rohan is in it's prime. The lands have never been better. He rules in easy times."  
  
"But was crowned during darker" Merry said. "He has well earned the peace in his lands, and so has his people."  
  
"We all have."  
  
They rode slowly back to Minas Tirith, taking the road that led to one of the side gates. Merry never rode across the Pelennor fields unless he had to. This time around he had felt the pain in his back and his arm even worse when he had taken that road into the city upon his arrival two months earlier. That place seemed cursed to him.  
  
"I have good news" Éowyn said as they approached the White City. "Elboron will be arriving a week from today."  
  
Merry's face lit up.  
  
"Elboron! That is great news! For how long will the young lord stay?"  
  
"I cannot say" Éowyn said. "He has some lass in Ithilien that he does not wish to be parted from for long, so I should not expect him to stay for more than a week."  
  
"It will do my heart good to see him" Merry said.  
  
"Nearly a quarter of a century has now passed since that spring when he came into the world" Éowyn said. "It makes me feel like I'm growing old."  
  
Merry glanced at her. He didn't know her true age, he had never asked or wanted to know, but he had always assumed she was only a few years younger than him. He would guess her age to about sixty, though anyone who saw her would guess she was no older than forty. Her blonde hair had few strains of grey and her face was almost completely free of wrinkles. Merry guessed some grace had been put upon her at the Houses of Healing after the Pelennor fields, he hoped that whatever grace that might be it would prolong her life. Her race did not live as long as his, it pained him to know that she would die while he still had many years to linger in this world.  
  
The guards at the gate let them in to the city and they rode in silence through the streets of Minas Tirith. People watched them on the sly as they rode by. They made a remarkable pair, the Lady and what people believed to be a Prince of the Perian. One was tall and fair with long hair put up in a bow, riding straddled instead of side-saddled on her brown mearas pony. The other was considerably shorter, with a more weather-beaten face and a mop of thick, curly hair on his head. He rode a rugged pony that looked like it mostly longed for the nearest meal, as did probably the rider. Together the lady and the perian were a remarkable pair who had accomplished extraordinary things together. It was said that they spoke without words and through great distances, a story that had originated after Éowyn's ride to the Shire a few years ago. Not too many people believed it, but it added extra flavour to an interesting tale.  
  
Children gathered on the sides of the streets to see them ride by. All their lives they had heard of this pair in song and tale, but so long had passed since Merry's last visit to Minas Tirith that the children had begun to believe it was all just make-believe. Now they could see the perian riding with his lady and they whispered and pointed. Merry and Éowyn paid them no heed and continued toward the Houses of Healing.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Pippin shifted his weight from one foot to the other and tried to stay awake. It was great to be back in Gondor, but being posted as a guard outside the citadel was not his favourite task in the world. He preferred being inside with Aragorn, especially now when he knew lunch was being served, but there was no use in complaining. He would get his lunch in an hour or so, Aragorn liked keeping him in circulation between different posts instead of always keeping him by his side. Pippin and the taller guard standing on the other side of the door would have someone take over from them just in time for the last lunch shift to start.  
  
Pippin smiled slightly when a twelve-year-old boy came walking across the courtyard, whistling as he went. Whistling was not permitted in the surroundings of the citadel but Pippin didn't say anything to the boy. His fellow guard however told the child to be quiet.  
  
The child came up to Pippin and without saying a word snuck an apple into his hand. Then he took off again with a grin and whistled on his way down the stairs. Pippin appreciated the gesture from the child, whose name was Tergoril son of Bergil, but put the apple aside for now. He was not permitted to eat or drink while he was on guard.  
  
His stomach growled loudly and Pippin could see in the corner of his eye how the other guard tried to hide a grin. He and Merry were well known for their constant hunger and Pippin hated when the other soldiers found that funny. He wished his stomach would be quiet, but most of all he wished he could eat that apple.  
  
Finally two citadel guards came to take over the posts by the door and Pippin bit down on his apple before he had even reached the White Tree. He hurried toward the dining hall used by the guards and ignored the looks and comments he got on the way. Mostly children whispered and pointed, the legendary Ernil i Pheriannath was among them and not just a figure in a story. Some adults as well stared at him as he passed them by, whispering to each other that this was the perian who had saved the life of Lord Faramir.  
  
Pippin had been flattered at first by the attention given to him, and by people still remembering him after his long absence. But soon it had only gotten tiresome, he was not there to be praised and observed, he was there so that Merry could find help for his aching back.  
  
It was a relief when he finally reached the dining hall and could shut the curious crowds out. Unfortunately there were a lot of curious minds among the soldiers dining with him as well. Many of them were under thirty and had little if any memories from the War. In their eyes Pippin was an exotic creature who had stepped right out of song and legend, and Pippin had soon learned to keep to himself and avoid the curious youngsters. The only soldier he ever talked much to was Bergil, his old friend from the War, who by now had a family of his own and three children. Pippin had trouble seeing him as a middle-aged man, in his mind he would always be the young boy who had been his companion and friend during some very lonely days during his first visit to the city.  
  
Pippin took his time with his meal and ate as much as he was allowed to eat. At first many soldiers had complained that someone so small would get as much to eat as tall, strong men, but it had only taken them two days to realise that the Hobbit could easily have eaten for two of them. "Eating like a Perian" had become a joke between the soldiers, but they made sure the King did not overhear their new saying.  
  
Once Pippin had eaten he hurried back to the citadel, where Aragorn would tell him where he was to be during the remainder of the day. The rest of the guards and soldiers had their appointed tasks and did the same thing almost every day, but in Pippin's case an exception had been made. The king liked having the halfling around, but also wanted him to do other duties. His assignments changed constantly, but so far he had not gotten to be at the Houses of Healing. He hoped he would get to go with Aragorn when he treated Merry, but knowing Strider he would probably only get to stand guard outside the door even if he was let into the Houses.  
  
He was let into the citadel and found Aragorn and Arwen sitting on their thrones with the soon-to-be twenty-three-year-old prince on a smaller throne by their side. Pippin got down on his knee and bowed his head, as he knew he should, and was told for probably the hundredth time since his arrival in the city that he was not to bow before Strider.  
  
"Pardon me" he mumbled and got up on his feet again.  
  
"I have a special assignment for you, Peregrin Took" Strider said.  
  
"For me?" Pippin said nervously, knowing very well that he was not always the best person to trust with important matters.  
  
"The Lady Éowyn informed me today of young Lord Elboron's arrival a week from today. I need you to travel to Ithilien and bring him here. It is not wise for a young lord such as he to ride by himself such a distance."  
  
Pippin's face lit up with a smile. If he was sent to Ithilien he would meet Faramir. He had not seen him yet since his arrival, the Lady Éowyn had arrived alone two days after the Hobbits, and Pippin had been disappointed.  
  
"You will travel tomorrow morning" Aragorn continued. "You should reach Ithilien by luncheon time the day after that. Then you can assist Elboron in his preparations, make sure he only packs what he needs. When you're not with the young lord I believe I can trust that you will serve the Lord Faramir as well as only a devoted friend can. After three days time you will ride for Minas Tirith again and show Elboron to his rooms."  
  
"Your wish is my command" Pippin said and bowed.  
  
"My wish is for you to not bow to me."  
  
"Nearly all your wishes are my command" Pippin said with a grin.  
  
"As for this afternoon, you will be preparing for your journey tomorrow."  
  
Pippin nodded and took that as a command to leave. He began walking down the hall when Aragorn's voice halted him.  
  
"And Pippin! Make sure you only pack as much food as you'll need, and do not stop for unnecessary meals!"  
  
"You have my word" Pippin said and continued down the hall. Once again Aragorn's voice stopped him.  
  
"Second breakfast is not a necessary meal!"  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Pippin found himself whistling while he packed his things for the upcoming trip. He was excited about getting to see Ithilien again, but most of all getting to see lord Faramir again. Faramir had always represented the ideal person for Pippin, he was everything Pippin hoped his own son would be. He had often had that in mind over the years and raised his own Faramir accordingly. Diamond had not always approved but now she had nothing bad to say now about how their son had been raised. Faramir was a good lad.  
  
Pippin was also looking forward to seeing Elboron. He had not seen him for years, and he loved the special relationship between them. Pippin had always seen himself as a servant to Elboron just as he was a servant to Elboron's father, at the same time Elboron had looked up to Pippin and seen him as a hero. They had a relationship that seemed indifferent to age differences, race differences and cultural differences.  
  
Suddenly he realised that he had to write Diamond and Faramir today, or the letter would not be sent until the next shipment two months later. He began searching through his things to find something to write on, and then had to search long and hard to find a pencil. He had not found the time to sort out his things and create the order he was used to in his room, he had been busy almost every minute since his arrival in Minas Tirith.  
  
Eventually he decided that he would put off the search for a pencil, the sooner he got his things packed the sooner there would be fewer things to search through. Packing for a trip like this was not hard in normal cases, but Pippin tried to make as much room as possible for extra food to sneak along.  
  
By the time he was finished packing he was starving and headed off to Aragorn's private chambers to find something to eat. He knew he was more than welcome there, as long as he was off duty, and he also knew that there was always food around in Aragorn's private dining room.  
  
He found his friend crouched over some books when he entered through the library. How anyone could bore themselves with books when there was food to be eaten Pippin couldn't quite understand, but then again Strider had never shown the respect for food that a Hobbit would.  
  
Aragorn looked up at him and gave him a smile, then returned to his books. He was glad that it had been so simple to get Pippin to leave the city for a few days. Aragorn didn't want him present while he begun the more serious treatment of Merry's back. So far the Hobbit had not responded to the simpler treatments and Aragorn had decided to begin something a bit more serious.  
  
He glanced at his books and wondered if perhaps Pippin was on the right track with choosing food above literature. It would be nice to share a meal with his friend before he left for a week. It felt like a loss to have him gone for a week when he was only in Gondor for as long as Merry's back would require it, but in this case it was for the better. It would probably be easier for Merry too, not having Pippin around right now.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Merry stood by the window in his room at the Houses of Healing and looked out. He could see parts of the Pelennor Fields and it made him thoughtful. It was hard to believe that such a great battle had once stood on the now so peaceful fields, that many good men had died horrible deaths out on that field which had then been a battlefield. But even more difficult to believe was that he himself had taken part in that battle, that he had been out there among all the humans and orcs and mûmakil, fighting for freedom and the right to exist. He had been a true fool in his younger years, what had he thought getting into that battle? Some powerful might must have watched over him that day, by all rights he should be as dead as Théoden King.  
  
The door opened behind him and he turned his head to see who it was. It could only be one of two people, everybody knocked save for Éowyn and Aragorn. It turned out to be the latter, there to tend to Merry's aching back.  
  
"Good morning" Aragorn said.  
  
"Good morning" Merry replied and turned his eyes back to the window. "I hear Pip left for Ithilien today."  
  
"I sent him to accompany Elboron on his way here."  
  
Merry nodded slowly and thoughtfully. Elboron, soon to be twenty-four years old, son of Faramir and Éowyn. Where had all the years gone? Merry couldn't believe he was going to turn sixty-five this summer, let alone that he had a daughter who would be eighteen. Close to thirty years had passed since the day when the Battle of the Pelennor Fields had stood. Thirty years ago he had felt young and invincible. Now he felt old and tired, even though he knew he probably had a good forty years ahead of him. He was ageing, and it was beginning to show. Not only in the grey strains in his curls, but in his physical condition. He doubted that his back would have troubled him so much had he been young and strong.  
  
"I need you to lie down on the bed" Aragorn said and took off his cape.  
  
Merry nodded and left the window. There was something about the Pelennor Fields which made his eyes land on it every time it was within sight, but it felt only good to take his eyes off those plains and momentarily try to forget that they even existed.  
  
"I'm sorry" Aragorn said. "But the method of treatment I wish to try will probably cause you some pain."  
  
"And that's why you sent Pippin away?" Merry asked and took his shirt off.  
  
"Yes" Aragorn said as Merry climbed up on the bed and lied down. He walked up to his friend and gently began massaging his back in order to make the upcoming treatment a bit easier on the Hobbit. "Something isn't right between you, you are not acting around each other the way that you should. But I know that Peregrin will still be very protective of you if he finds out you're being hurt by my treatment. It's better for all of us if he's not here and does not know."  
  
"I wish I could go to Ithilien…" Merry said. "But I'll have to wait until I'm more fit for travelling. The journey here was a real pain, literally!"  
  
"What is the problem between you and Pippin?" Aragorn asked, mostly to get Merry to talk and keep his mind off his back for a moment. Aragorn was aware of what had happened between them and had an idea of what things were like now, but he had a feeling it would do Merry's back good if he got to talk about it. One thing both he and Merry knew very well was that if the heart was not feeling well the body would react.  
  
"I don't know" Merry said. "I've spent a year trying to figure it out. It's like we're nothing. We're not best friends, we're not friends, we're not angry with each other… Sometimes I wonder if we're still cousins or if that's no longer valid either."  
  
"What really happened that was so bad it made you two part ways? I would have thought death would be the thing to do that."  
  
"I'm still trying to figure that out too" Merry said. "We just began to grow apart and Pip couldn't handle it. That's how it all started… In the end I don't even think we knew what we were fighting about when we broke from each other."  
  
"If so then it can hardly have been anything that will last forever" Aragorn said. "If you don't know why you're fighting then chances are you're not fighting over anything at all. Once you realise that things will work out."  
  
"Or maybe we were fighting over nothing just to be able to make that clean break" Merry said.  
  
"Do you wish for it to remain like this?" Aragorn asked and began tracing down Merry's back to find the spot that was most sore. "With you not being as close as you were? It's an awful lot to lose, dear friend."  
  
"I miss what we used to have" Merry said. "Nothing we have gained in freedom and ability to grow has been worth as much as the bond we shared. I've always loved him and I still do."  
  
"Do you think Pippin feels that way?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Pippin has always seemed like he values your bond more than anything in the world. Pardon me Merry but I've always believed he would be the one who kept you two together whatever life threw at you."  
  
"Not anymore" Merry said.  
  
"What changed?"  
  
"Peregrin."  
  
Aragorn nodded, deciding it wasn't worth pushing the subject any further. If Merry was ready to talk he would talk. But it was hard getting one of them to open up about negative things concerning the other, throughout everything that had happened they had still kept their defensive walls up. They defended one another from outer attacks still, and would probably consider it a betrayal to talk to someone else in the fellowship about the situation. There was a wall that the two put up against the rest of the world which seemed impossible to breach.  
  
"I guess… things will just go on like they are now" Merry said. "We could probably still have a normal friendship, the kind normal people normally have. But it is a step back from where we used to be."  
  
"You let me know if there's anything I can do. To help you or to help the situation." Aragorn said. "That goes for both you and Pippin. There's no use in having friends if you can't come to them when you need them."  
  
"If I wasn't aware of that I wouldn't be here now" Merry said.  
  
Aragorn nodded. Then he placed his fingers carefully yet firmly around the toughest spot on Merry's aching back. The first step in the treatment involved something that could unfortunately break the Hobbit's back if Aragorn wasn't careful. It was a good thing indeed that he had sent Pippin away, for the process would undoubtedly be quite painful for Meriadoc.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
That evening Aragorn was crouched over his books again when the doors were flung open and Éowyn stormed in, looking very upset. She had just come from the Houses of Healing and had heard about the treatment Aragorn had given Merry earlier in the day.  
  
"Aragorn!" she said angrily, skipping all formalities. "I've just visited the Houses! Is it true what they say?"  
  
"You've heard of Merry's treatment, I suspect" Aragorn said and put his book aside.  
  
"Treatment? You call that treatment? He looks so worn and spent! The women said they could hear him scream out in the hallway! Is that how you treat those you claim to love?"  
  
"Éowyn" Aragorn said and rose from his chair. "Not all treatments are herbs and bedrest. None of the things I have tried earlier have worked, Merry's back is no better now than it was when he first came here, I had to try some alternative methods!"  
  
"And making him cry out with pain is a better method?" Éowyn asked.  
  
"Merry understands the pain" Aragorn said. "He knows why I give him that treatment. I've explained the entire procedure to him. He is willing to try it."  
  
"Probably fearing you'll hurt him worse if he doesn't comply!"  
  
"My lady!" Aragorn said in a warning tone. "That is out of order. I would watch my tongue if I were you."  
  
"I will watch my tongue" Éowyn said. "But I will watch over Holdwine first. Nobody else seems to."  
  
"He has many friends" Aragorn said.  
  
"Right" Éowyn said. "One who abandons him. One who hurts him. I fear what those other friends will do to him."  
  
"Sometimes it has to hurt before it can heal!" Aragorn said. "You my lady have no training in medicine and know not of what you speak! Furthermore you know nothing of the bonds we share with Merry. I have travelled with him far longer than you, my Lady. Do you not trust me to try everything else before I try something that will hurt him?"  
  
"I don't know if I trust any of his friends anymore" Éowyn said.  
  
"Do you then not trust yourself?"  
  
"I have not let him down. You have today."  
  
"Perhaps it will be better for you if you went back to Ithilien" Aragorn said. "I sent Pippin away so that he wouldn't react the same way you have. Maybe you ought to join him."  
  
"What would Pippin care?" Éowyn asked.  
  
"He brought Merry here in the first place, did he not?"  
  
"I will not be sent away" Éowyn said. "Someone has to stay and watch over him."  
  
"He is a grown Hobbit" Aragorn objected. "He can watch over himself."  
  
"He has probably had to learn."  
  
"Bite your tongue before you say anything that you will long regret. Merry has agreed to keep up this treatment and you ought to act according to his wishes."  
  
"I will not let you hurt him" Éowyn said and raised her index finger at Aragorn to emphasise her words. Then she turned around and stormed out.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"Hurry, my lord Elboron" Pippin said and glanced at the sun in the sky. "We must reach our camp site before sunset and it's still quite a while to ride."  
  
"I'm sorry, Master Pippin" Elboron said and drove his horse to a trot so that he could catch up with the Hobbit. He had gotten sidetracked by the sight of a wild deer and forgotten that he was riding toward Minas Tirith, not out joyriding. "It's just I don't get to ride here too often, I wish I could see more of the lands!"  
  
"You have a lifetime to see the lands" Pippin said. "Our camp is far away still and my stomach is in the need for dinner **now**!" Elboron laughed and grabbed a fruit from a tree he rode by. He handed it to Pippin, who thankfully accepted and feasted on the unexpected treat. Pippin wished the ride would be over soon, he loved Ithilien and he loved Minas Tirith, but the road in-between was not as fun. It felt like a waste of time to be on the road.  
  
"I cannot wait to see Minas Tirith again" Elboron said. "It's been such a while since I visited the city… Father is there every other week but I often have to stay at home."  
  
"Someone has to manage your father's duties while he's away" Pippin said.  
  
"Does your Faramir manage your duties while you're here?" Elboron asked, interested in anything that had to do with the Shire.  
  
"Faramir is sixteen" Pippin said with a laugh. "And Hobbits do not come of age at twenty, as you do. We come of age at thirty-three, so in your ages it would probably be like letting a twelve-year-old handle things. When I'm gone my brother-in-law manages my duties."  
  
Elboron pondered that for a moment.  
  
"Sometimes I wish I could be a Hobbit, and be young and free much longer."  
  
"Oh don't think my Faramir gets to run around doing whatever he chooses" Pippin said. "He has to help out around the Smials, with the farming in particular. The Thains have been farmers as far back as anyone can remember, there's not a lot of free time in that life."  
  
Elboron nodded slowly. He was glad he didn't have to do any farming. He had never had that love for the earth and soil that the people of Rohan had, he felt more comfortable when his hands were clean.  
  
They rode on in silence for a while. Both wished they were at Minas Tirith already, especially since the weather was not so good. It was winter still, and the winds were chilly. Pippin pulled his Elf cape around him and longed for a hot meal, a pint of ale and a nice fireplace.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Merry was sitting up on his bed with a blanket wrapped around him from the waist down. He was trying his best to read but didn't really feel up to it. It had been a long and trying week and he was glad to have a day's rest with the treatment. He hoped Aragorn knew what he was doing, for the treatment was painful and put a lot of stress on him. So far his back wasn't doing any better, but Aragorn said it was all part of the process.  
  
Merry leaned forward and turned so that he could look out the window, which was located on his right on the same wall as the head of the bed. He could only see the sky from this angle, but it appeared to be a fine day. How he wished he could be out riding with Éowyn instead of being cooped up in this room. Though he knew that even if he got permission he wouldn't be able to go out riding today. His back needed rest, he needed rest.  
  
Half-heartedly he turned his attention back to the book. One of the women working at the Houses had brought him a whole sack filled with books that he could read during his long lonely hours when Aragorn had duties to tend to and Éowyn was busy. Merry wasn't very interested in any of the books she had brought him but he hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings.  
  
What grieved Merry the most was that he felt like an old man, unable to go outside, chained to his bed by his ill back and a burden to all. It was a growing concern for him, the fact that he was growing older. He wanted to stay young and strong forever, even though he knew that wasn't possible. Having to slowly grow weaker and more tired was hard on him, and he felt it was all happening too soon. He was not at all very old for a Hobbit, but he constantly compared himself to how he had been during the great War. The strength and joy of life he had felt then was gone.  
  
In his heart he knew he had many long years ahead of him. Unless something unforeseen happened, such as an accident or a disease, he would be a grandfather by the time he passed on, Théodoc would be well over forty when he became Master of Buckland. But now he worried that he would face all those years with a bad back. Most of all he worried that he would face the years on his own.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door and Éowyn entered. She smiled slightly and Merry grinned. He was happy to see her, happy to have someone keeping him company.  
  
"I thought you might be asleep…" Éowyn said, explaining her knock.  
  
"I'm too bored to be asleep" Merry said. "Come in! Sit with me!"  
  
"How do you feel?" Éowyn asked.  
  
"Like Strider predicted I would. Like my back is going to split in two. But if the pain goes away for good in the end then it will be worth it. Sit!"  
  
She sat down next to him and handed him an apple she had brought with her. He happily accepted it and began munching away.  
  
"I have good news" she said. "Elboron should arrive shortly. He and Peregrin have been sighted not far from the city."  
  
"I can't wait to see him again!" Merry said.  
  
"Unfortunately, I won't be keeping you company for long" Éowyn said. "I promised the king I would take Elboron with me to the citadel after his arrival. But my son and I will both be seeing you as soon as possible."  
  
"Why does Strider want him in the citadel?" Merry asked.  
  
"He did not say and I did not ask. You look weary."  
  
"Strange, isn't it?" Merry said. "That doing nothing can make you tired. I wish I could be up and about, my legs are itching to go out and walk through the parks!"  
  
"You will get to do that" Éowyn promised him. "But right now you need your rest. Go to sleep, if you are tired. I will stay for as long as I can."  
  
Merry nodded and finished his apple without saying anything else. Éowyn took the book from him and put it down on the nightstand. She watched him with worried eyes as he pulled another blanket around him and closed his eyes to get some sleep. She hated seeing him like this, Hobbits were supposed to be active and funloving beings, not fettered to sickbeds and weary with pain. But she knew that Merry was not quite as much Hobbit now as he had been before. She didn't even notice that she had said the last part out loud until Merry replied.  
  
"You're right…" he said. "I've often thought so myself."  
  
"Pardon" Éowyn said and blushed. "I, I didn't mean to…"  
  
"You know what I've sometimes thought?" Merry asked and opened his eyes again.  
  
"Shhhh… You should try to get some sleep!"'  
  
"I think I gave up part of my Hobbitness, or lost it, when we killed the Witch King. In order to kill him I had to give up part of what makes a Hobbit a Hobbit. And that's why I'm not like the others in the Shire, I'm not as carefree as they are anymore and I'm not as light-hearted."  
  
"Do not say that" Éowyn said. "Such a terrible price to pay! You hold on to those qualities Master Holdwine, they are very special. They are what make you different from all the men here, those who would never have done what you did."  
  
"Perhaps I just think too much."  
  
"Maybe so. Now I don't want you to think another thought right now, just close your eyes and go to sleep!"  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
When Merry woke up Éowyn was gone. Instead Pippin was parked in a chair looking through a book, seeming quite intrigued by the story. So they had arrived, finally. Merry smiled, hoping he would get to see Elboron soon.  
  
He yawned and looked around the room. It was getting quite dark, the only light was the candle Pippin had with him while he read. His cousin was so into the plot of the book that he didn't notice that Merry had woken up, and Merry didn't alert him to the fact. He let his mind wonder and had gone through a number of topics in his head before Pippin finally looked up and noticed that the sleeping patient was no longer sleeping.  
  
"Well good morning to you" he said and put his book aside. "Or should I say good evening? Do they not make you do anything else but sleep? Why can't I get to be a patient here for once?"  
  
"Well if you're willing to trade…"  
  
Pippin rose from his chair and walked over with the candle. He then slumped in the chair Éowyn had been sitting in and tried to find something suiting to say.  
  
"Is your back any better?" he asked.  
  
"Aragorn likes the 'darker before dawn' principle. So far it's getting darker… Dawn should arrive soon hopefully."  
  
"And what does that mean?"  
  
"It means it's not so good right now but Strider says it will be."  
  
"Good!" Pippin said and grinned.  
  
"How was Ithilien?"  
  
"Great, as usual. It was very nice to see Faramir again, and my how Elboron has grown! My only worry is that I forgot to write to Diamond and my own Faramir before I left, now they're going to worry when they don't hear from me!"  
  
"You're even less of a Hobbit than I am" Merry sighed. "Be not worried, they will probably think you're too busy to write them. When I wrote my letters earlier in the week I mentioned that you had ridden to Ithilien to bring the Lord Elboron to Minas Tirith, Diamond will understand that it is the reason why you didn't write."  
  
"I will have to be very nice to her in my next letter" Pippin said with a smile.  
  
"How I wish I could have gone with you" Merry said with a longing sigh. "Is Ithilien still as beautiful as ever?"  
  
"Even in winter" Pippin said.  
  
Merry nodded and had a dreaming look on his face. He hoped that one day he would find the time to write a book about Ithilien, Rohan and other foreign places he loved. If he could put the beauty of these places down on paper he could share it with other Hobbits in generations to come. But he didn't know if he was gifted enough to be able to do the lands any justice.  
  
Pippin's mind wandered a bit. He wasn't sure what to say and it felt queer to share a silence with Merry that wasn't comfortable. "So you're really bored in this bed, huh?" he finally said.  
  
"You wouldn't believe it" Merry said. "I don't want to be cooped up in here! I want to be out in the gardens, or riding across the plains, or walking the streets of the city! I envy you, I wish I could get to work at the citadel!"  
  
"Do not envy me just yet" Pippin said. "Standing guard by doors is anything but fun!"  
  
"But getting to see the city is! Not to mention you get to be around Strider and you get to see the citadel. Surely the good things outnumber the bad."  
  
"That they do" Pippin admitted. "You will get your chance, Meriadoc."  
  
"I've never served Aragorn" Merry said. "I feel bad that I won't be serving Éomer this time around. The last time I served him I after a few weeks got really queer looks from the other soldiers. They serve him all year round, I show up for a couple of months after having been gone for years, and I'm treated more like a member of the court than one of the soldiers. Do the others look at you that way here, Pip?"  
  
"No" Pippin said. "They make fun of my eating habits!"  
  
"Humans!" Merry said. "They just don't understand the importance of second breakfast! Or afternoon tea!"  
  
"I know!" Pippin said with feeling. "Each time my stomach growls they smirk and laugh! I can't help that I'm hungry!"  
  
"Do they stare at you when they think you're not looking?" Merry asked. "Because they do that in Rohan. Those who were in the War don't, though some of them patronise me, but the younger don't seem to be able to make sense out of me being in that War they have heard so much about. I've heard them crack jokes about how my sword must have been longer than I am for me to be able to kill any orcs!"  
  
"I don't know if the soldiers stare, but everybody else does! I can't walk down the streets without whispers and pointing."  
  
"For the young it must be like we stepped right out of a fairy tale."  
  
"But shouldn't they have grown used to us by now?" Pippin said. "We've been here for quite some time!"  
  
Merry nodded. It was strange how the humans seemed unable to get used to the sight of the two halflings who walked the streets of Minas Tirith. Many saw it as another proof of Elessar King's might, that the Princes of the Halflings served him as humbly as any of the other soldiers, others said they were the King's good luck bringers. Lately Pippin had noticed that it was a sport among the children to run up and touch him as he walked by. They thought it would bring good luck, but the children were all afraid of approaching him so it had become a sport. Pippin hated how he was unable to move around in the city in peace.  
  
"Either way…" Merry said. "I envy you for getting to walk around in the city at your free will. While you're not on duty, I mean."  
  
"You will be too in no time."  
  
"As soon as I'm well again we're going back home" Merry pointed out.  
  
"We are?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Well then we've done what we came here to do, haven't we?"  
  
"Yes, you're right" Pippin said and smiled. "The Shire. It will be nice to go back home, as much as I like it here."  
  
"I must admit I wish I were home right now" Merry said. "Lucky's got a pneumonia, poor child. I wish I was there for him."  
  
"Merry, you do realise that Estella wrote that letter probably a month ago, and that Lucky is fine now?"  
  
"You're right" Merry said and smiled slightly.  
  
"It will be a nicer ride home than the ride here was, I'm sure" Pippin said. "Perhaps we might even get to enjoy the scenery."  
  
"Sorry for being so much trouble when we went here" Merry said. "I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll be nothing but nice on the way back."  
  
Pippin laughed.  
  
"Sure you'll be…"  
  
Merry made a face at him and shifted in the bed. Then he grimaced with pain. He had to remind himself not to make any sudden movements or his back felt like it was being stabbed by a dozen knives.  
  
"But before we can return…" Pippin said, "we have to fix that back of yours. Just keep your focus on that for now. As soon as you're well enough to travel without being bothered by your back, we'll leave."  
  
"I don't know whether I wish for it to be soon or not" Merry said. "Leaving Gondor… But you're right, we must go back."  
  
"We're not here on a social call" Pippin reminded him. "Nor to serve our lords. Little preparations were made in the Shire before we left, we cannot be gone longer than we necessarily have to. Fatty Bolger will have wrecked Buckland for sure!"  
  
"I didn't leave Fatty in charge" Merry said. "My cousin Berilac is filling in as Master. It's a lot safer that way, he knows what he's doing more than my brother-in-law, plus Fatty didn't seem to enjoy being fill-in Master that much when last I was gone."  
  
"Fredegar was not born for things like that" Pippin said.  
  
"No, he wasn't… But we on the other hand were. I'll tell my back to hurry up and get better, so that we can return as soon as possible!"  
  
"You do that" Pippin said and rose. "Now then… I shall go get something to eat, a second supper won't hurt anyone, and I'll have some food sent up to you as well. I'll see you in a few days, Merry. Take care of yourself, rest a lot and don't put any strains on your back! Remember, the sooner it is well the sooner we can go home!"  
  
"Bye now Pip…" Merry said and waved.  
  
"Bye."  
  
Pippin left and closed the door carefully behind him. Heading for Aragorn's private dining hall he smiled to himself. He did indeed look forward to going home, as much as he loved being in Gondor. Spending time with Elboron had made him long for home and his child, and he had thought much about how grand it would be to go out riding with his own Faramir. In the end, that was better than Gondor.  
  
He hoped Merry's back would improve soon, for both their sakes. He was a bit worried about his cousin, it had seemed like he had taken a step back when he had seen him this evening, he had been pale and seemed to have more pain in his back than before. Pippin told himself it was all in his head. Of course Merry was getting better. He was in Strider's hands, what could go wrong?  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Aragorn frowned and looked worriedly at Merry. The Hobbit was not responding half as well to the treatment as he should have, Aragorn had never seen a halfling responding worse than a human to any form of treatment at all. He was not willing to give up just yet, but if Merry didn't start showing signs of improvement soon he would have to think of something else. He was beginning to wonder if he'd be able to cure his friend at all. Perhaps a bad back was something he would have to live with for the rest of his life.  
  
"Merry" he said. "You know I am doing everything I can."  
  
"Yes" the Hobbit nodded.  
  
"There is still only so much I can do" Aragorn said. "The rest has to come from you."  
  
"I know" Merry said.  
  
"A healthy back will only come to you if you're healthy in your heart. Personal problems or sorrows will make the healing process much more difficult."  
  
"Things are better now than they used to be" Merry said. "It's a slow process. Though I'm beginning to adjust."  
  
"Is that how it's going to be?" Aragorn asked. "Instead of trying to solve your problems you adjust to them?"  
  
"Yes" Merry said casually with a shrug to the shoulder. "As time goes by, the emotional wounds will heal, and so will my back. Time has a way of fixing things." He turned his head as far as he could and looked at Aragorn. "Is this what I have to go through to be able to live a full life without Pip? This whole thing with my back, I mean?"  
  
"It just might be" Aragorn said.  
  
"Well if it is… then that's what it is. What can I do about it? I can do this, Strider, I can. Don't you worry about me. I'll get on with my life, live as completely as I used to."  
  
"I wish you wouldn't" Aragorn said. "It breaks my heart to see you two, who were always so dear with one another, now acting almost like strangers."  
  
"I think we need to" Merry said. "How are we to grow otherwise? Our friendship has never really nurtured the individual."  
  
"That's where you're wrong" Aragorn said. "That was part of what was so special. You were individuals all along."  
  
"Things will be fine Strider" Merry said, not sounding the least bit bothered with the problems at the moment. "I've accepted things for the way they are. Are you going to do that painful part yet? I'd rather you just did it instead of rubbing and talking."  
  
"I have some good news" Aragorn said and as gently as he could began his cracking. "Tomorrow you're going to get out of here."  
  
"Lovely" Merry whined in pain.  
  
"You're going swimming" Aragorn said. "It will be good for your back. And it will get you out of this room."  
  
"Lovely" Merry repeated.  
  
Aragorn nodded and intensified the treatment. It would be nice for the both of them to not have to do this the next day.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"Come here" Éowyn said and handed a towel to the shivering Merry. The towel was huge in comparison to him and he quickly managed to roll himself into it quite nicely. The weather was not the best for a swim, but Aragorn had insisted on them going out anyway. Éowyn worried Merry would catch a cold, but neither the king nor the Hobbit seemed concerned about that. They were both busy thinking about the treatment.  
  
Merry looked up at Éowyn, shivering in the cold wind, and smiled at her with lips that were slightly blue.  
  
"Lovely day for a swim, don't you agree?"  
  
"Inside you go" Éowyn commanded. "You have a hot meal waiting for you! Go!"  
  
Merry rushed off, still wrapped in the towel, and Éowyn followed him with concerned eyes. Aragorn walked up to her and smiled slightly.  
  
"Blessed be the happy spirit of the perian" he said.  
  
"He will need that happy spirit" Éowyn said. "For he is not responding well to treatment. In fact he is worse now than when you begun."  
  
"But not as bad as he was when he arrived" Aragorn said. "The pain in his back will come and go. Right now it has come. And yes, it is thanks to my treatment. But I have every reason to believe that he will be all-right in the end."  
  
"He had better be" Éowyn said and began to walk back up the path Merry had taken.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Merry soon got himself something warm to eat and some nice, dry clothes to change into. After his meal he began walking from the dining hall up to the Houses of Healing, ignoring the people looking at him as he passed them by. Pippin, who had joined him in the dining hall, gave evil glares to any child or adult who cast as much as a glance at Merry, but his cousin didn't mind if people looked. He was only glad to be out from his room for once.  
  
Éowyn came up to them after a while and made sure Merry was warm and full, and was at once assured that he was. She smiled at him as he looked around and took a deep breath of Minas Tirith air.  
  
"It feels lovely to be outdoors" he said. "I think my back has improved a lot today. I can't really tell from just one occasion, but it feels good."  
  
"I'm glad" Pippin said with a smile. "Then we can go home soon. Here we part ways for now, I must go up to the citadel!"  
  
With a casual wave Pippin hurried towards the citadel, late for once. Éowyn saw the look on Merry's face and put her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You don't have to leave as soon as you're better" she said. "Stay. Go with me to Rohan. Éomer would love seeing you. Or stay here in Minas Tirith, we can go out riding!"  
  
"I would love that…" Merry said.  
  
"Then let's call it decided" Éowyn said.  
  
"Pippin wants to return."  
  
"He can wait for a while, can't he?" Éowyn said. "You are here so seldom!"  
  
"Indeed we are" Merry said. "Oh how I would wish to stay longer…"  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"What are you doing sleeping at this hour of the day?" a growling voice said, waking Merry up with a start.  
  
Merry stirred slightly and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. He had been resting peacefully, not expecting to be woken up in this brisk way. He was getting used to resting by now, for the past month Aragorn had only allowed him to go out swimming twice a week, the other five days he was kept inside. Most of the time he had nothing to do but to rest.  
  
"I must say!" the voice went on. "You lazy young Hobbits sure haven't changed a bit!"  
  
"Neither have you, Gimli" Merry said and smiled.  
  
"And what about me?" Legolas asked. "Have I changed?"  
  
"Not a bit" Merry said and examined his friend closely. "Not a day have you aged!"  
  
"People say the same about me" Gimli claimed, although his beard was beginning to look more grey than brown.  
  
"It's wonderful to see you" Merry grinned. "What brings you here?"  
  
"We should have been here long ago" Legolas said. "We didn't receive word that you were in the city until just recently. We were told that you were ill. How is your back?"  
  
"Much better" Merry said and got out of bed.  
  
Gimli thought to himself that if this was "much better" he didn't want to know how it had been at first. He knew the Hobbit was most likely exaggerating, unwilling to admit that he was in pain, but it was clear that the back was troublesome. Merry had not jumped out of bed, as he normally would, but rather climbed.  
  
Aragorn had spoken with Gimli and Legolas upon their arrival and told them everything they needed to know. Gimli knew very well that Merry hadn't responded to treatment the way that he should have, and that though Aragorn had done all he could Merry was not fully healed. The only way he could ever be was up to him now.  
  
"Come here laddie!" he said and pulled the Hobbit close for a hug, deciding not let on that he saw his friend's back was hurting him.  
  
Merry returned the hug and felt really happy for the first time in ages. He had not seen Gimli or Legolas since he and Pippin last visited, it had been far too long. Legolas kneeled down and hugged him as well, and Merry felt it was really true. The Elf had not aged a day since the War. He was the only one in the Fellowship who hadn't.  
  
"Did Strider tell you that as of the day after tomorrow I am officially no longer a patient at the Houses of Healing?" Merry asked with a grin.  
  
"He has, old friend" Legolas said. "He invited us both to the party. I hear King Éomer is coming in from Rohan tomorrow."  
  
"Indeed he is" Merry said. "It will be nice to be Lord Holdwine again. Have you seen Pip yet, by the way?"  
  
"Not yet" Gimli said. "Aragorn had him occupied with something when we arrived and we went straight here once Aragorn had finished talking. Good thing we did, or you would have slept the entire afternoon away."  
  
"And you would have envied every hour" Merry said.  
  
It was wonderful to see them again. Merry was happy that they had come together, at the same time. That was how he loved seeing them, as a duo. There was something so comforting about that sight and it brought back many fond memories. It didn't occur to him that Legolas and Gimli felt the same way about seeing him with Pippin, and neither of them were sure how to act around the two Hobbits now that they had gone their separate ways.  
  
"I am so glad you are here!" Merry said and got back up on the bed to ease his back. "You have to tell me **everything** that has been going on for the past years. Your letters don't say as much as I wish to know."  
  
"Shouldn't we wait for Pippin?" Gimli had to ask.  
  
"Oh, you can tell him later" Merry said. "Please, I'm dying to hear all about your doings. I am still as bored as ever in this room!" "Very well then" Legolas said and sat down on the floor in a graceful movement. "Should I go first, or would you rather like to hear Master Dwarf tell his tales first?"  
  
"Whichever" Merry said. "I have a million questions to ask the both of you! I even wrote them down!" He fished out a long piece of paper from his pocket. "Each of your letters spark more questions than I have room to write in my replies. So I wrote my questions down on this paper, in the chance of me getting to see you and ask you in person!"  
  
Legolas and Gimli shared a look. No matter what Aragorn had said about how the two halflings had changed, Merry was still very much like Merry.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Two days later a party was held to celebrate the end of Merry's treatment. Aragorn had taken him aside just before the party and reminded him to take it easy, his back was still very bad even though Aragorn had done all he could. Merry had rolled his eyes and said that he planned on having as much fun as possible during the party, after all, that was what was supposed to heal his back.  
  
Now Aragorn couldn't help but frown at how the Hobbit was dancing around on a table together with Pippin, singing yet another one of their drinking songs. The act was however much appreciated by the people around them, who asked for one more song.  
  
Éomer came up to Aragorn and handed him a tankard.  
  
"He seems to be doing well" he said.  
  
"I hope he is" Aragorn said.  
  
"I had to command him to go have a good time" Éomer said. "He quickly fell into the role of esquire."  
  
"The Hobbits always do."  
  
"Well tonight is their night" Éomer said. "They can be esquires in the morning."  
  
Aragorn nodded and smiled as the Hobbits clinked their tankards together and downed what was in them. They both seemed to be fine right now.  
  
Three songs and a lot of ale later, the two finally got down from the table. They bowed to each other and then headed off in their separate ways, Pippin to find more ale and Merry to sit down and rest for a while. He sat down next to the young Elboron, who was still working on his first pint for the evening.  
  
"You're going about it wrong" Merry said. "You do not sip your ale, my lord, you drink it. This isn't wine."  
  
"It gives me headaches in the morning when I do" Elboron confessed.  
  
Merry grinned and knew he would probably have quite a nice headache the next morning as well. But what did he care? Tonight was party night.  
  
Pippin got his tankard filled and held it up high above his head to balance his way through the crowds. He sat down next to Legolas and Gimli, who were in the middle of debating over who could first finish a pint of ale. Pippin put his money on Gimli.  
  
"Are you enjoying yourself, Master Peregrin?" Gimli asked as the Hobbit sat down.  
  
"Verily" Pippin said, slurring a little.  
  
"I think our previous debate just became pointless" Legolas said as Pippin began working on his ale. "The one who first could empty a pint is surely Pippin."  
  
Pippin slammed his tankard down on the table and grinned.  
  
"And I am very proud of it!" he announced.  
  
He looked over at Merry, who was talking to Elboron some tables away, and smiled. Aragorn had said Merry's back was as fine as he would ever be able to get it. They were going to go home now. Pippin loved Gondor, but this time around it had not been about enjoying oneself and spending time with friends. They had come for one purpose only and now that purpose had been fulfilled. It was time to go back home.  
  
"A toast!" he said and turned his attention back to the Elf and Dwarf. "To the Fellowship of the Ring! May Sam, Frodo, Gandalf and Boromir all be drinking ale too, wherever they are!"  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"Merry?" Pippin said a few days later as Merry came rushing into the dining hall where Pippin was working on a stake by himself.  
  
"Yes?" Merry asked and shoved a carrot into his mouth as he stopped to look for something. He had been sent by his lord Éomer and did not want to delay.  
  
"I was thinking…" Pippin said.  
  
"Why are you eating all by yourself?" Merry asked and cast a glance at the steak. "Where is everyone?"  
  
"Off somewhere. But Merry, I was thinking… It's been over a week now since the party… Strider says you won't get any better than this! And I thought it was time to go home."  
  
"We will" Merry said assuringly and ate another carrot while he searched through some drawers for the vessel Éomer had asked for, the one which they usually brought when they went out for longer rides.  
  
"We said we would leave as soon as you were well again" Pippin said carefully.  
  
"A few more days is not going to hurt us" Merry said and found the container. "You got to do lots of fun things while I was at the Houses, now it is only fair that I get to have some fun before we set off for the Shire."  
  
"How long do you wish to stay then?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Just a while longer" Merry said. "A few weeks or so, maybe a month. I really have to run now Pip, Éomer and I are going out for a long ride and we won't return before morning!"  
  
"Have fun" Pippin muttered and sighed to himself as Merry hurried off.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Just in time for elevenzies the next day Éomer and Holdwine returned to Minas Tirith. Éowyn greeted them in the stables, ready to help them with their beasts. Éomer quickly excused himself and headed up to his chambers to answer some letters that had arrived for him that day. Merry stayed behind with Éowyn and helped her with the animals.  
  
"Did you have a good ride then?" Éowyn asked.  
  
"It was great" Merry said happily. "I thought I had seen all of the surroundings of Minas Tirith there was to see, but I have never before been where my Lord took me."  
  
"Gondor has many places of great beauty" Éowyn said and led Éomer's proud white horse into his stable booth. "I'm glad to hear you had a good ride. You must tell me all about it, I'm curious to find out where my brother took you."  
  
"I'm glad you convinced me to stay" Merry said and patted his pony on the neck. "I shall tell you all about our ride tonight, when we're sitting in front of a warm fireplace with something hot to drink. Right now I must confess I long for a hot bath and something warm to eat. Though spring is in the air, it is still cold outside."  
  
"Then run along and warm yourself" Éowyn said. "I will look after Dusky."  
  
"Thank you for the offer my lady" Merry said and patted his pony once more. "I think I shall take you up on it. Dusky is in great hands."  
  
He gave the pony a carrot and his eyes fell on the booth his pony occupied while in Gondor. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Pippin's out riding, is he?" he said. "Crow is gone."  
  
"No, he's not out riding" Éowyn said.  
  
"Then where is Crow?" Merry asked, knowing that Pippin's pony wasn't let out in the pastures with the other horses since he had a bad habit of kicking anything larger than him. In this place, that meant he kicked all animals save for Crow.  
  
"Holdwine…" Éowyn said. "Peregrin left."  
  
"Left where?"  
  
"He went home."  
  
"Home?" Merry repeated. He turned his head and looked at Éowyn with near panic in his eyes. "The Shire?"  
  
"He said it was time for him to return" Éowyn said.  
  
"But… But we were supposed to leave together, him and I!"  
  
"You wished to stay" Éowyn reminded him. "Peregrin longed for home. He left while you were away so that you wouldn't have to feel forced to come with him. You do not work as clockwork anymore dear Holdwine, you go your separate ways."  
  
"But…" Merry stuttered. "But… But we were going to go home **together**!"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"When did he leave?"  
  
"Just this morning."  
  
Éowyn felt terribly sorry for Merry when she saw his reaction. He seemed to be near tears, fighting back what seemed like panic. He didn't seem to know what foot to stand on. Éowyn had not realised it would mean so much to Merry to travel back home together with Pippin, but now she saw that he felt like he had lost something of great value. Their journey home was one of the few things they still had together and now Pippin had left on his own.  
  
"What are you waiting for?" she asked, hesitating only for a second. "Go! Get back up in the saddle, ride after him, you should be able to catch up to him! I'll pack your things and follow you on my mearas as soon as it can be arranged."  
  
Merry looked at her with bewildered eyes. He looked at the open stable doors, then at Éowyn, then at the open doors again.  
  
"Go!" Éowyn said. "Off with you!"  
  
Without further ado Merry swung back up in his saddle. He looked at Éowyn one last time.  
  
"I love you, my lady!" he said.  
  
Then he drove Dusky to a gallop, heading after Pippin. Éowyn watched him go with sadness in her heart. Aragorn came up to her, having overheard the last part of the conversation but not wanting to intrude.  
  
"You let him go?" he said.  
  
"I had to" Éowyn said. Aragorn could hear how upset she was.  
  
"I thought you didn't like Peregrin" he said.  
  
"I don't" Éowyn said. "I never liked nor disliked him, until my visit to the Shire. He is worth nothing to me, other than that he is worth something to Merry. He is egoistic, petty and cares not for Holdwine the way he should."  
  
"You don't know him well enough to say that" Aragorn objected. "Pippin is a good lad. You owe your husband's life to him."  
  
"One act of valour does not make up for too many acts causing hurt."  
  
"He has been hurt too" Aragorn said. "Merry is just as much to blame as Pippin."  
  
"He is not good for him" Éowyn said. "If it were up to me he would have nothing further to do with Merry."  
  
"Then why did you let him go after him?"  
  
"Because it is not up to me. Merry has to decide for himself who should be his friend or not, I as his friend can only accept the choices that he makes. If he needs Pippin for any reason then I will not hinder him."  
  
"I'm glad" Aragorn said. "They are not bad for one another."  
  
"It will take more than your words to convince me otherwise" Éowyn said. "Though it was out of jealousy of me that Pippin left in the first place, two years ago. I will not let myself be the reason Merry loses a friend or fails to make one. And if this is what he needs for his back to heal, then all I can do is pray that Pippin will not forsake him."  
  
"It was Pippin who brought him here in the first place" Aragorn reminded her. "He went through a lot of trouble getting him here. It was not only Pippin who left two years ago. What happened was no more his fault than it was Merry's. Merry does not blame him, you shouldn't either!"  
  
"I don't like Peregrin" Éowyn said. "No matter what you say."  
  
"You are being unjust."  
  
"I don't think Merry sees him clearly."  
  
"It is you who do not see him clearly" Aragorn said, getting agitated. "They were friends long before you came into their lives, who are you to pass out judgement or claim that you are better than he who was Merry's friend since his birth?"  
  
"At least I respect it" Éowyn said. "And I respect Holdwine. Enough to let him ride off after Peregrin, when his heart desires to do so."  
  
"You should give them a chance."  
  
"I just did."  
  
"His heart is in pain" Aragorn said.  
  
"So I've seen."  
  
"His body cannot heal fully while his heart is pained."  
  
"So I've heard."  
  
"What he needs is to settle things with Pippin."  
  
"So I've just gave him the chance to do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to gather Holdwine's things."  
  
Éowyn turned and hurried out of the stables, not wanting to spend more time around Aragorn right now. She was sad and upset over Merry leaving, hating that he was riding to Pippin, but there was nothing she could do. She knew she could easily have held him back but she had chosen to support him. She had seen that his heart longed to ride home with Pippin and she had not had the heart to make him stay. Even though she deeply disliked Pippin it was not up to her to decide whether he should be Merry's friend or not. She was not willing to risk their friendship in the same manner that had cost Pippin the friendship.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
"Pippin!" Merry cried, finally spotting his cousin after a long gallop. Dusky was getting tired, it was fortunate that he had found his cousin now. "Pippin!"  
  
Pippin frowned and turned his head. His jaw dropped from surprise when he saw his cousin approaching and he quickly halted Crow.  
  
"Merry?" he asked.  
  
"Pippin…" Merry said, out of breath as he finally caught up to him. "Thank goodness I caught up with you!"  
  
"What are you doing here?" Pippin asked.  
  
"We were going to leave for home together" Merry said. "Were we not?"  
  
"But you wanted to stay!"  
  
"I'd rather ride home with you today."  
  
Pippin grinned. He was glad that his cousin had caught up with him, he had not expected him to at all.  
  
Merry grinned back at him, overjoyed with having caught up with his cousin. At that moment he felt something he had hinted since Éowyn had told him Pippin had left. He felt his old need to be around his cousin, and all the love he had for his crazy relative. Suddenly his back didn't feel the least bit sore anymore.  
  
Pippin in return was beginning to feel the same way too. He got Crow moving and Merry followed right next to him. Suddenly Pippin noticed something and frowned.  
  
"Where's your pack? You haven't got a thing with you!"  
  
"I left in such a hurry when I found out you had gone" Merry said. "Éowyn will pack my things and deliver them tomorrow. I will get to say a more proper goodbye to her then. Tonight I will have to share your food pack."  
  
Pippin nodded. His heart was so light he could burst out singing. For without even knowing it, Merry had made his choice anew, this time with a different outcome. He had chosen Pippin above Éowyn, and the fact that he probably didn't realise it himself only made it more special for Pippin. It was like the old days, the two out riding together. It was as if nothing had changed or ever been wrong between them. Pippin prayed this feeling would last.  
  
"Pip…" Merry said and reached out his hand for his cousin. "You know, you are my best friend in the whole world."  
  
Pippin smiled and took Merry's hand in his.  
  
"And you're mine too."  
  
"And it will always be like that, won't it?" Merry said. "The two of us, friends forever!"  
  
"Yes" Pippin said. "Forever."  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Thank you for reading! I hope Éowyn didn't come off even worse in this chapter! I guess what I'm trying to portray is that she's never know much about Pippin and the most contact she's had with him was when he and Merry fought, so that's why she's not fond of him. Hopefully she doesn't seem like a complete bitch or something!  
Please review and give me your thoughts and opinions! Next chapter will be up on a Friday, as usual =)   
  


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	20. 1448

**Author's Note**: This chapter is shorter than I usually write them, as I said last week that it would be. I'm quite pleased with this chapter, since it goes back to the original idea! The last chapters have all had a common plot, and even though it's mentioned in this part it's not central. Great fun to write! Btw, if the coding is all screwed up, let me know! My comp is acting up and I don't know if it saved the coding the way it should have...  
  
**Disclaimer**: Same old same old =)  
  
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"Warms the heart, doesn't it?" Diamond said with a loving smile.   
  
Estella nodded. She too couldn't help but smile when she saw Pippin and Merry playfully wrestling with each other over an apple, when there was a whole orchard full of apples around them. Harvest was in full action at Crickhollow.   
  
A year had now passed since Merry and Pippin had returned from Gondor, light at heart and back to their old selves again. Merry had had little trouble from his back during the year that had passed and the gloomy mood that had filled Brandy Hall and the Great Smials during the past years had vanished. The Masters had returned, through some miracle best friends again, and things seemed to be back to the way they always had been. The only thing that was different was that the two friends argued now, something nobody had ever seen them do before save for when their friendship had been bad the past year.   
  
Right now however they weren't fighting for real, only playfully battling over the apple. Pippin had control over the apple at the moment and was climbing an apple tree as fast as he could while Merry gave chase. The two seemed more like children than adults, it was nice to see them acting like Hobbits again.   
  
Estella and Diamond put their empty baskets down by a tree each and helped the children fill them. Faramir was up in one tree, despite his mother's constant protests, and was picking apples at a surprisingly high speed. Each apple he picked he handed to Cordy on the ground who placed them nice and safely in a basket. The other children were down on the ground with Cordy, picking apples, singing and talking. The only two not helping out were Merry and Pippin.   
  
"You know, there are a hundred apples in this orchard" Estella said. "Why do you have to fight over that one?"   
  
"Huh?" Pippin said and halted, surprise by the question.   
  
Merry, who had jumped down from the tree a few seconds after him, caught up to him and tackled him to the ground from behind. While Pippin was still on the ground Merry snatched the apple and hurried off.   
  
"All right!" Diamond said and placed her hands on her hips. "Enough now! It's all fun and games until someone breaks a leg."   
  
"Revenge!" Pippin cried, ignoring his wife, and ran after Merry.   
  
"Well at least he's not up in a tree" Diamond sighed and glared at Faramir. "You on the other hand…"  
  
"Don't worry Mother" Faramir said. "I'm perfectly safe up here!"   
  
"It's all fun and games until someone falls down and breaks his arm" Lúthien said, imitating Diamond.   
  
"You listen to her" Diamond said to Faramir. "She's got more sense in her head than you, she does!"   
  
"I had sense in my head when I was nine" Faramir claimed.   
  
"You began climbing trees before Lúthien was even born, Faramir Took!" Diamond pointed out with a glare.   
  
Faramir dismissed her with a wave of his hand. He was not afraid of falling out of the tree and he liked being up among the branches. He loved pretending that he was his father at a younger age, riding on Treebeard the Ent. His father had told him all about the Ents, and how they looked like trees but could move and talk. Faramir wished he could see one for real some day, but until then he would have to settle for Shire trees.   
  
"I hope I have that much energy when I'm Father's age" Théo commented as Merry feinted Pippin and ran in the other direction.   
  
"Oh shush" Aramac said. "You don't even have that much energy **now**!"   
  
"Another basket is full" Cordy reported.   
  
"Can I take it inside?" Lúthien asked.   
  
"No darling, it's too heavy for you" Diamond said and lifted the basket up.   
  
Meanwhile Pippin managed to catch up to Merry and jumped up on his back. While his cousin struggled to keep his balance Pippin grabbed the apple and them jumped down on the ground and hurried off with Merry on his heels. The others shook their heads and concentrated on the apples. This game seemed to be able to go on for a long while.   
  
"Can we have apple pie tonight?" Éowyn asked.   
  
"Maybe if we wished it!" Lúthien said.   
  
"I think an apple pie should be easy to arrange" Estella said. "We have to have something to celebrate that it's Éowyn's birthday tomorrow."   
  
"Don't forget my birthday!" Faramir said from his tree. "It's not long after Éowyn's!"   
  
"But Éowyn comes before you" Théo said and gave his second cousin a glare. He didn't appreciate Faramir trying to steal his sister's thunder.   
  
"To think that it's been nineteen years" Estella sighed. "Seems like it were only yesterday we harvested the apples here at Crickhollow and Rose would not let me help since I was having my first child any day."   
  
"Yesterday?" Éowyn said, not exactly feeling that the past two decades had gone by as fast as her mother felt they had.   
  
"And then the year after that the lads had to do the harvesting themselves" Estella continued and ignored Éowyn's comment. "For both Diamond and I were expecting soon."   
  
"Was that the summer that was so hot and dry?" Cordy asked.   
  
"Yes. And it was followed by a snowy winter, the first of its kind in many years."   
  
"I wish something special had happened when **I** was born" Aramac said. "You have stories for all years but mine!"   
  
"Your birth caused quite the scandal, if that makes you happy to know" Estella said. "Your father and aunt Rose brought me here when you decided to enter the world, instead of keeping me at Brandy Hall which was safer."   
  
"That's not a scandal" Aramac objected. "Not the way Lúthien's birth was a scandal."   
  
"It was nothing of the sort!" Lúthien objected. "What's a scandal?"   
  
"I was about to say that it's a relief getting to harvest the fruit without having to run back and forth between the trees and infants, or having to keep an eye on young children running about everywhere" Estella said and watched her husband trying to catch up to Pippin and regain control of the apple. "But looking at the Masters of the house, I realise nothing has really changed around here."   
  
"Are you sure **nothing** special happened on the year I was born?" Aramac asked, still on that subject.   
  
"Was your birth not special enough, darling?" Diamond asked.   
  
"That does not count!"   
  
"For us it does" Diamond said.   
  
"You all have very special stories that you were far too young to be able to remember today" Estella said. "And I'm sure you all have some very special stories ahead of you as well."   
  
"I wish our fathers could have saved some of the excitement for us " Faramir said and glanced over at Pippin and Merry. "All the adventures happened when they were young, there's nothing left for us! It's not fair!"   
  
"Oh shush, Faramir Took" Diamond said and began to walk to the house with her fruit basket. He was too much like his father in some aspects, adventures were not something a Hobbit should long for or dream of.   
  
"I agree with you, Faramir" Cordy whispered. "I wish I could have adventure too!"   
  
Cordy often set out on his own private adventures, but by now they were getting a bit boring. He had never been outside the Shire, and the surrounding areas were so familiar to him that it didn't feel like exploring or doing anything adventurous. He would often fantasise about what kind of adventures his father had had all those years ago, but he knew that nothing his mind could come up with would be as fascinating as the truth. But his own mother didn't even know much about Meriadoc's adventures, so Cordy did not expect to get to hear about them anytime soon.   
  
Pippin, who still had control over the apple, looked over his shoulder to see how much Merry had gained on him. Not seeing where he went he collided with Diamond and knocked over both her and the basket, sending red apples flying everywhere. Diamond got up on her feet again before the shocked look had left Pippin's face, and with still shocked eyes he managed to smile apologetically. Diamond gave him her most angry glare and placed her hands on her hips once more. Merry skidded to a stop right behind them and looked over Pippin's shoulder.   
  
"I am so sorry Dimesy!" Pippin said. "Did I hurt you?"   
  
Before Diamond could answer Merry looked down at Pippin's hand and noticed that the apple was gone. Then he looked at the probably thirty apples spread around by their feet.   
  
"Pip… Did you drop the apple?"   
  
Pippin quickly looked down on his hand and gasped when he realised that he had lost his grip when he collided with his wife. Now there was no telling which apple they had been fighting about. The game was over.   
  
"Sometimes you really need to grow up, Peregrin Took. Look at you, you're more concerned over that stupid apple than over me!" Diamond said.   
  
"Of course I'm not darling, it's just that…"  
  
Pippin gave Merry a wide-eyed look and Merry didn't know what to say. Diamond however bent down and picked up an apple.   
  
"That's our apple?" Pippin asked.   
  
"It took your wives and children a lot of effort to gather those apples" she said and pointed to the ones on the ground. "I suppose we'll have to feed them to the animals now! Look at all these apples! It's your fault that they're lying there!"   
  
Then she threw the apple in her hand on Pippin's forehead, making him flinch and take a step back.   
  
"Now pick them up!" Diamond commanded and strode off inside to get another basket. Pippin and Merry shared a look and obediently got down on the ground to pick the apples up.   
  
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"Barkeep!" Pippin cried and smacked his hand on the counter. "Some ale, please! We have thirsty throats in need of refreshments!"   
  
"Coming right up, Thain" the barkeep said.   
  
"Good" Pippin said. He waited until the tankards were full and then cruised to the table Merry had picked out.   
  
"Finally" Merry said when he arrived at the table. "I'm so thirsty I could drink the entire Brandywine!"   
  
"A well earned drink" Pippin said and sat down. "After a day of hard work!"   
  
"I don't ever want to see another apple again" Merry said and absent-mindedly began to chew on one he'd found at the table.   
  
"I'd better go easy on the ale tonight" Pippin said. "Dimesy won't be pleased if I come home intoxicated, I think she's still mad at me for knocking her over like that."   
  
"Nonsense" Merry said. "What makes you say that?"   
  
"How about the fact that she didn't leave a single bit of the apple pies for me?"   
  
"Just as well she did" Merry said and sipped his ale. "You need to lose some weight."   
  
"Speak for yourself" Pippin snorted.   
  
"Well at least you're not a butterball like Sam" Merry said. "Yet. But you're getting there, mark my words."   
  
"Your waistline is wider than mine" Pippin said.   
  
They ventured into other topics and before they knew it they had finished their half-pints. Time flew by when you had a pleasant conversation with a dear friend while sharing a few pints of ale. They shared a look when they had finished their ale. Both had promised their wives they would not be gone for long, and they would not drink too much ale. But just another half-pint couldn't hurt anyone, could it?   
  
"I'll get us refills" Pippin said and headed back to the counter.   
  
"Want some more ale, Master Took?" the barkeep asked and began to fill the tankards without waiting for an answer.   
  
"We have worked hard today, we deserve a little ale" Pippin said. "We haven't gone to an inn together for ales in ages!"   
  
"It's about time you did now" the barkeep said. "You and the Master, such a sad thing that happened! Neither of you understood that some things you just don't go about changing. But you understand that now. The Master and yourself have been together forever, you don't just go about changing that after so many years!"   
  
"What happened was between Merry and myself" Pippin said and glared at the barkeep who couldn't help butting in.   
  
"Oh, but everyone was talking about it. Such a shame, we all said. Well you don't keep two friends apart, and those who have gone together like a horse and carriage since forever do best not to part ways, says I."   
  
"Barkeeps do best not minding into other people's business, says **I**" Pippin said. "Now where is my ale?"   
  
The barkeep placed the tankards on the counter but held onto them long enough to be able to say all he had to say.   
  
"Now the Master and yourself need to stop bickering the way you have of late. Don't let it drive a wedge between you. You have always gone together and you always should. It's always been that way, and for a reason. It's mean to be that way."   
  
"I already know all that" Pippin pointed out, getting more and more irritated.   
  
He grabbed the half-pints and yanked them out of the barkeep's grip, not caring that he spilled some, and marched back towards his table. As he headed off he could hear the barkeep talking to him.   
  
"Out of all the queer things you and Master Merry have done in your lives, parting with each other was by far the queerest."   
  
Pippin sighed, rolled his eyes and sat down opposite Merry again.   
  
"Is there anyone who does not have an opinion on you and me?" he asked. "I just got a lecture from the **barkeep** on how you and I should stay friends and not argue."   
  
"He's just worried about business" Merry said and began working on his ale. "I never drink ale when I'm depressed."   
  
"Wow" Pippin said. "I must remember to tell that to Faramir!"   
  
"Why not let him discover some things for himself?" Merry asked.   
  
"What, and take away all the fun in parenting?" Pippin said.   
  
"Poor Faramir" Merry said and shook his head with a smile.   
  
"Don't talk so much Merry" Pippin said. "Get working on that ale of yours and let's sing a song in a few minutes!"   
  
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"Well, well" Diamond said with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently. "Only gone for a short while, was it? Will not drink too much ale, did you say?"   
  
Pippin gave her a grin and gulped when he noticed the time on the clock. It was past midnight, they had left at six in the evening. During those six hours he and Merry had had a lot more to drink than originally intended. Now they were a bit unsteady and could not hide from their quite annoyed wives that they'd had more to drink than they said they would.   
  
"But Dimey…" Pippin said. "I've only had…" He began to count in his head but gave up. He had no clue how many half-pints he'd had during the evening, he had stopped counting after the second. "Either way, I am not drunk."   
  
"Sure you're not" Diamond said. "You just called me Dimey."   
  
"And what about you?" Estella asked Merry. "How much did you drink?"   
  
"What?" Merry asked. "Estella don't bother me…"  
  
"I expected you home four hours ago, I think I have the right to bother you" Estella said. "Now you march straight to bed! In case you have forgotten, we have to be up and about in six hours, those trees won't harvest themselves!"   
  
"Oooo!" Pippin said, his eyes perking up. "Harvest! Apples! Merry we have to make cider!" "To bed" Estella commanded and pointed down the hall.   
  
"I have not had **that** much ale to drink" Merry objected. "I know how to find my own bedroom, lassie!"   
  
Estella shook her head at him and put her arm around his waist so that he could lean on her for support. She had seen him a lot more drunk than this but he was best off going to bed straight away or he would have a lot of trouble getting up tomorrow morning. They began making their way down the hall and Pippin followed.   
  
"Hold it!" Diamond said.   
  
"I thought you said go to bed" Pippin said, confused.   
  
"No Estella said to go to bed" Diamond said. "You come with me."   
  
She grabbed him by the hand and walked him outside. He gave her a confused look.   
  
"Well out of all the amorous places in the world…"  
  
"Sit" she commanded.   
  
Pippin obediently sat down and wondered what she was up to now. It was chilly out tonight and he preferred being inside. His bed seemed so warm and cosy right now. Suddenly a bucket of cold water was emptied over him and he gave a shrieking cry.   
  
"**Diamond**!"   
  
"Maybe that will sober you up" she said.   
  
"I'm not that drunk" Pippin angrily sputtered while spitting water.   
  
"You promised me you wouldn't drink much, and you promised you would be back home after only a little while!"   
  
"I stayed a bit longer and had a few more tankards, what's the big deal?" Pippin asked and got up on his feet. "You've seen me far more intoxicated than I am right now!"   
  
"I think the cold water is to thank for that."   
  
Pippin gave her an angry look and stumbled off to the water barrel she had gotten the water from. He grabbed the edge of the barrel and leaned his head over it. Diamond quickly grabbed the bucket and hurried up to him.   
  
"Pip!" she cried. "What are you doing? Use this instead!"   
  
She held up the bucket to him and he gave her a glare.   
  
"I'm not going to hurl" he said. "You keep your bucket."   
  
With that said he began to drink water directly from the barrel, instead of using the ladle hanging by the barrel for anyone who might fancy a drink. Diamond rolled her eyes and put the bucket back down on the ground.   
  
"Don't tell me you're not intoxicated when you're lapping water like a dog instead of using the ladle! One would have thought you'd had enough to drink for one night."   
  
Pippin angrily waved her off and continued to drink. He knew that the more water he drank now the better he'd feel in the morning. Merry had always claimed it was unfair that Pippin never got hung-over, but Pippin knew it was because Merry never drank any water before going to bed.   
  
"Goodnight" Diamond said and went back inside, leaving Pippin to his water.   
  
Pippin gave her an absent-minded wave and continued to drink until he felt sure he could not find room for another drop of water in him. He then used his sleeve to wipe his mouth, though the sleeve was soaking wet and didn't do much good, and went back inside. He took his cape off and hung it up to dry, but left the rest of his dripping clothes on. It was much more fun to casually toss them at Diamond when he changed into his nightgown. Plus it had the added bonus of forcing Diamond to sleep as close to him as possible to avoid the soaked half of the bed. Though Pippin preferred having some sleeping space he could think of more fun things to do than to sleep while waiting for Diamond's side of the bed to dry.   
  
On his way to the bedroom he stopped outside Faramir's room. The old nursery was still the room where Faramir slept whenever he spent a night at Crickhollow and it brought back many fond memories for Pippin. As quietly as he could he opened the door and went inside. Faramir was sound asleep, as were Cordy who slept in the extra bed. The old Brandybuck nursery was not large enough to make room for all the children who had slept there and their siblings, so Cordy shared a room with Faramir and let Lucky have his own room.   
  
Pippin walked over to Faramir's bed and resisted the urge to pull a strain of hair from the boy's face. He knew his wet hands would wake Faramir up and he wanted to let him sleep. The two greatest adventures of Peregrin's life had begun at Crickhollow, the Quest and fatherhood. There was so much that Faramir didn't know about his father's past, but someday he was bound to no longer accept being kept in the dark and ask for answers.   
  
"One day," Pippin whispered, "shall you ask your father everything. How things were, and how it was that I left. You'll want to know so much, you will ask about the paths I took, the things I saw, the things I did. 'Are all those things still there?' you will ask. 'Are those places still there today where you did all these things? That place you love like a second home, does it still stand?' You will ask me all those things someday. But what will be my answer? Can I tell you of my adventure? Perhaps I can't… But I will have to tell you something. I will tell you that as long as my heart as the strength to beat those places will be there still. Far beyond these green lands where you have lived your entire life there are white towers, magnificent cities, things beyond your wildest imagination. They might pass out of all knowledge in the Shire, Hobbits may forget they have ever existed. But so long as I am alive, that second home will live too. There, my son, it is not yet harvest. The trees will keep their fruit for another month. Beyond mountains and rivers and plains… Minas Tirith."   
  
He realised he must be more intoxicated than he'd thought. It was not like him to muse in this manner, at least not out loud. He realised he had better head off to bed or he would have a very hard day tomorrow. As quietly as he could he left the old nursery.   
  
When the door closed behind Pippin, Faramir opened one of his eyes. When he saw that the coast was clear he sat up and looked at Cordy, who was also still awake.   
  
"What do you suppose that means?" he asked, wondering what on earth his father had really been talking about.   
  
~*~  
  
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"This is so exciting" Lucky grinned and wrapped his blanket around him. "I've never seen a calf being born before!"   
  
"You're old enough now" Merry said. "But it's going to be a long night."   
  
"I don't mind!" Lucky said.   
  
The two of them were sitting in a booth with a cow who was having her calf. In the next booth sat Pippin, Faramir and Cordy, watching over another birthing cow. Neither Merry nor Pippin had ever had two cows have their calves on the same night, but it had presented the perfect opportunity for Lucky to get to take part in the event. Aramac, Théo and Éowyn were with Merry and Lucky in their booth, they were close to being too many people as it were, so it was a good thing there were two booths and two cows.   
  
"After this there won't be any more calves this year" Théo said and played with a rubber band. "It will be nice to get to sleep through the nights."   
  
"You don't have to be here if you don't want to" Merry said. "There are eight of us, we'll manage all right."   
  
"I'll stay" Théo said. "But not all night."   
  
"How can you want to go back inside, Théo?" Lucky asked. "This is exciting!"   
  
"Not as exciting as it looks" Théo said. "It's only waiting for hours and hours…"  
  
"Leave him be" Aramac said. "Don't you remember how thrilling it was the first time you got to sit with Father while a calf was born? I remember it like it were yesterday, it made me feel so old and mature, and I loved getting to stay up all night."   
  
Théo shrugged his shoulders. Farming and animal care had never been things that interested him. He preferred other crafts, like carving wood and working with iron. He sometimes sighed when he thought about how his future was to be the Master of the Hall and he would be required to be a farmer. He wished his father would go on living for centuries and never leave his lands to Théo.   
  
"I bet Lucky won't be able to stay awake all night through." Cordy said, peeking over the short wall between the two booths.   
  
"I will so!" Lucky said.   
  
"You're one to talk, Comradoc" Éowyn said. "The first time you sat with a cow you were asleep before midnight!"   
  
Lucky laughed at his brother and Cordy gave his sister an angry glare before he sat back down in his booth.   
  
"Siblings" he sputtered. "Faramir be glad you have none!"   
  
"Don't argue" Pippin said and stretched his legs. "The night is going to be long enough without any arguments."   
  
"Sorry Uncle Pippin."   
  
Faramir nodded obediently and leaned his head against Pippin's shoulder. Though he was eighteen years old he still thought there was no better company in the world than his father's. Perhaps it was because he'd never had any siblings, but he could never have enough of his father's presence. It made him proud when people said he reminded them of Peregrin, it was his goal to be just like him. He had begun more and more to follow him around the same way Éowyn had always followed Merry. Pippin always had time for him and seemed to be happy that his son wanted to learn everything there was to learn about being the Thain.   
  
Comradoc on the other hand looked up to Faramir more than anyone else in the world. He would show up at the Smials several times a week and occupy a lot of Faramir's time, and ever so often he would get on his second-cousin's nerves. Faramir did not have half the patience with his younger relative that Meriadoc had once had with Peregrin.   
  
In the other booth, Théodoc was still playing with the rubber band just to have something to do. Waiting for a calf to be born was incredibly boring, he made up his mind not to stay much longer. He would wait for a couple of more hours and see if Lucky, or perhaps Cordy, fell asleep, and if so he could carry his brother inside with him. He always looked after his brothers, even though they were big pains most of the time, always running around, always sticking their noses in where they weren't wanted, always borrowing Théo's things without asking and then sometimes losing them. Most of the time they annoyed Théo, and so did Aramac and Lúthien. Éowyn was the only one of his siblings who in Théo's eyes never did anything wrong, and he loved spending time with her. While Cordy followed Faramir, who in turn followed Pippin, Théo followed Éowyn who followed Merry.   
  
Éowyn however seemed completely indifferent to her brother's affection. She knew she was the only person he felt completely comfortable around and that she was the only one he told his secrets to, but she had trouble understanding him. Éowyn loved being around people and couldn't understand how her brother could dislike large crowds and prefer to be in smaller groups. She had a lot more in common with Aramac, they were both much like their father. Exactly who Théo was like nobody could tell, he didn't look much or act much like either parent.   
  
"Father!" Cordy said, peeking over the wall again. "Faramir says he's going to teach me to climb trees!"   
  
"Peregrin!" Merry said firmly. "Keep an eye on your son! Do not let him promise Comradoc things like that!"   
  
"But Father…" Cordy complained.   
  
"You will not climb any trees and that's the end of that!" Merry said. Cordy was adventurous enough as it was, if he learned to climb trees he would be going up every spruce he saw.   
  
"You keep your feet on the ground" Théo said to his brother, who made a face at him and sat back down. "Climbing trees… Nonsense!"   
  
"You're so boring, Théo!" Cordy's voice came from the other booth.   
  
"That's enough!" Pippin exhorted him. "Keep your voice down, young lad! You're bothering the cow!"   
  
Cordy snorted and sulked in a corner. Nobody ever let him do anything fun! When Aramac had been his age he had gotten to go out with Éowyn in the boat, but Cordy hadn't been allowed to do that this summer. Faramir got to climb trees, but Cordy wasn't allowed to. He felt like everyone got to be adventurous save for him.   
  
"Now don't sulk" Faramir said. "I'll teach you when you're 33! Nobody can object to it then."   
  
The door to the stables opened and Diamond and Lúthien came with food baskets.   
  
"Blessed Diamond!" Pippin cried and flew to his feet. "You always know when I'm so hungry I cannot survive another minute without food!"   
  
"One is not your wife for twenty years without learning a little something" Diamond smiled and gave her husband a kiss.   
  
"Hey!" Merry said. "You're giving him a basket, but what about us?"   
  
"I brought you food!" Lúthien happily declared, trying her best to open the door to the booth. She was too short to reach over the door so her father and siblings couldn't see her.   
  
"Somebody help her" Aramac said to Lucky and Éowyn who were closest to the door.   
  
"No!" Lúthien cried. "I can do it myself!"   
  
Aramac sighed and rolled his eyes. He got up and walked over to the door, then opened it so that his sister could get inside. Lúthien did not appreciate the gesture.   
  
"Aramac!" she cried and stomped her foot angrily.   
  
"Thank you sister" Aramac said and picked up the basket. Lucky and Éowyn protested when he carried it over to his own spot and sat down with it.   
  
Pippin handed the basket given to him by Diamond to Faramir, and the two lads quickly investigated what was in it. Pippin had gotten a bit sidetracked and was locked in a kiss with Diamond when Faramir gave him a smack on the leg.   
  
"Father!" he complained. "Please! You're gonna make me sick!"   
  
"Oh shush you!" Pippin said and gave Diamond one last kiss. "I have all night to eat."   
  
"I thought you said you were so starving you couldn't wait another minute" Faramir dryly pointed out.   
  
"I like my appetisers" Pippin said and finally pulled himself from Diamond and turned his attention to the basket.   
  
"Father" Faramir complained, wishing his father would stop kissing his mother in public.   
  
"So how are the cows doing?" Diamond asked with a smile.   
  
"They're coming along…" Pippin said and began rummaging through the basket. "Diamond Took, I see no apple pie!"   
  
"I put that in the other basket."   
  
"**What**?" Pippin cried and flew to his feet. He looked at the Brandybucks in the other booth and saw that the pie was already going around the hungry Hobbits. "But Diamond, that's not fair! I want apple pie too!"   
  
"Estella only made one" Diamond said. "And since she made it I figured it was only proper that her children got to eat it."   
  
Pippin pointed to Cordy.   
  
"Estella's child!"   
  
"Now don't be a baby, Peregrin" Diamond said with a smile. "You got a kiss to go with your dinner, isn't that better?"   
  
"**No**" Faramir said.   
  
Diamond laughed and gave Pippin another kiss to remove the grumpy look on his face. Then she turned her attention to Lúthien who was tugging her arm.   
  
"Auntie Diamond… Can I stay here?"   
  
"Tonight? But darling, it's your bedtime in thirty minutes…"  
  
"But all the other kids get to" Lúthien said and looked like she was about to cry.   
  
"Not when they were your age, love" Diamond said and lifted her up.   
  
"Maybe if I wished it…"  
  
"No, no wishes will help tonight" Diamond said. "I'll be back for the dishes and baskets" she told the others. "Say goodnight, Lúthie!"   
  
"I don't want to" Lúthien said grumpily.   
  
"Goodnight Lúthien" everyone else said in one voice.   
  
"I'll see you in a while" Diamond said and left the stables with the grumpy child.   
  
Lucky closed the door to the booth with a proud smile. He was no longer a little child who had to go inside and get to bed. He was old enough to sit in the stables, waking with his siblings. He had never felt so old and mature in his life and he couldn't believe that Théo was bored already.   
  
"It is going to be a very long night…" Merry stated.   
  
"I hope so!" Lucky said. "The longer the better!"   
  
"If you say that in a few hours I won't believe you" Aramac said. "Is there any pie left or did we eat it all?"   
  
Lucky handed him the last of the pie and then wrapped his blanket around him again. This was the most exciting thing he had ever done. He didn't care much about the cow and the calf, it was getting to stay up and do such an adult thing as to wake that made the evening exciting. He thought he could hear a yawn from the other booth.   
  
"Cordy will be out like a light before long" Éowyn predicted.   
  
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The following week was very hectic at the Great Smials and Brandy Hall. Once the last calves had been born it was time to slaughter the pigs and an ox or two. Hobbits didn't usually stock up food for winter, but it was a ritual to slaughter after harvest, and it was busy times for everyone. The only ones who didn't have to work were the youngest, they were watched over by their grandparents or other elders. The rest were hard at work, the lads out with the animals and the lasses inside, making sausages and salting pork and doing everything they could to make sure that every edible part of the animals were properly taken care of. The children who were too old to get to run around and play, but too young to have any harder tasks to do, constantly tried to sneak a taste of all the goodies and their mothers had their hands full keeping them out of the kitchen.   
  
Merry and Pippin worked out a system where they would be at the Smials one day and at the Hall the next, going back and forth as long as the slaughtering took. They brought their wives and children with them and after a few days everyone was getting a bit dizzy from all the running back and forth. This part of the harvesting was hard work, and they all looked forward to the traditional feast that would be held underneath the harvest moon. But before the party could be held, the work had to be done.   
  
"Lucimac Brandybuck!" Estella roared, as her youngest son managed to steal a treat from the Great Smials kitchen. "Who is watching after him, really?"   
  
"He constantly escapes" Pippin's sister Pervinca said. "I remember when my Paladar was a new-born during harvest a few years ago and I was watching the children, Lucky and Cordy always managed to escape to the kitchen."   
  
"He had better not show his face here again anytime soon" Estella angrily said.   
  
Old Eglantine Took, Pippin's mother, appeared in the doorway.   
  
"Lucky?" she called out. "I know you're here!"   
  
"He left" Pervinca said.   
  
"With unauthorised food with him" Estella added. "Do not let him run in here again! Tie him to your wrist if you have to!"   
  
"Peregrin was always very skilled in the art of sneaking to the kitchen" Eglantine smiled sentimentally. "No matter how carefully one watched him, he would make his way to the kitchen and sneak off with the finest treats he could find!"   
  
"Mother would be red with fury after only an hour" Pippin's sister Pearl laughed.   
  
"That habit never stopped" Estella said and continued darning sausages. "I remember one time at Crickhollow when I had made Merry a mushroom sandwich, I turned my back and in only a second or two Pippin snatched it and ate it up. I don't know how he does it, he always manages to steal food right before one's eyes and you don't notice it!"   
  
"I am not surprised" Eglantine said. "But now to find little Lucimac!"   
  
She hurried off and Estella sighed deeply.   
  
"What is with that child and sneaking in here? None of his brothers were that persistent, save for Cordy of course."   
  
"And apparently they never grow out of it!" Pearl said with a smile.   
  
"Where is my mother?" Pippin asked with an annoyed sigh as he entered the kitchen from the opposite direction his mother had left. "She let Lucky run off again, he got in the way out in the barn! She has got to keep a closer eye on him."   
  
Estella sighed deeply when she saw that Pippin had Lucky in a firm grip. If the child could only keep out of the way and let them do their work.   
  
"Lucimac" she said firmly. "One more incident like this one and there will be no ribs for you at the feast!"   
  
"I'll take him, Pip" Pervinca said and took Lucky's other hand. "He can come with me and help fold the laundry I didn't have time for yesterday."   
  
"Mother do I have to?" Lucky complained, not liking the sound of the chore.   
  
"Off you go!" Estella said and sent him off together with Pervinca.   
  
"He's been in here, causing trouble I take it" Pippin said.   
  
"Naturally" Estella sighed.   
  
"He reminds me of a certain uncle of his" Pearl smiled.   
  
"I never realised just how annoying I must have been" Pippin said and put his arm around Diamond's waist.   
  
"I'd say you were worse than Lucky" Pear claimed.   
  
"That's a bit unfair" Pippin said. "Especially coming from the one who would help me get away from whoever was watching me in exchange for half of the booty."   
  
"If you have a baby brother who knows how to get a hold of food, use it!" Pearl smiled.   
  
"As for Lucky, he really needs to be kept under stricter supervision" Pippin said. "I'm sorry that my mother constantly fails at keeping an eye on him."   
  
"She's 110" Pearl pointed out. "I think we can forgive her."   
  
"If looking after the children is her job then she should do it" Pippin said. "Meanwhile my job is out in the barn!" He pulled Diamond closer for a kiss and then left with a nonchalant wave. "I'll see you again at dinner, lasses!"   
  
Diamond smiled and then turned her attention back to the sausage she had been darning. She gave a cry.   
  
"Peregrin Took!"   
  
"What?" Pearl asked and looked at her sister-in-law.   
  
"He stole the sausage I had just finished with!"   
  
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Three days later the slaughtering was finally nearing its end. They had finished the day before at the Smials and there was only a little work left to do at the Hall. Estella was busy boiling a huge ham that they would eat the next day at the feast. She was in their private kitchen at Brandy Hall, knowing that at least there she would only have her own children to keep an eye on. It was easier cooking there, especially during harvest.   
  
"I'm starved!" Merry exclaimed as he entered.   
  
"When are you not?" Estella asked. "The first ham is finished, please take it down to the larger kitchen. And don't even think about tasting a piece!"   
  
"Wouldn't dream of it" Merry said and took the large plate with the ham on it.   
  
"You might have fooled me with that line before" Estella said. "But I won't fall for it again! I'm sending Lúthie with you, if you sneak a taste she will report it to me at once!"   
  
"Can she be bribed?" Merry wondered.   
  
"Not when she's got a special assignment" Estella said. "Éowyn might be your daughter honey, but Lúthien is mine!"   
  
"And so I shall have to go hungry" Merry sighed.   
  
"Not quite, dinner will be ready when you come back."   
  
"I love you" Merry grinned and kissed her on the cheek.   
  
As if on some given signal the five oldest children came and sat down by the dinner table, one after one, and Estella began serving them dinner. She was looking forward to the day's rest she would get tomorrow, before beginning all the preparations for the party. She had sent Éowyn and Théodoc out earlier in the day and they had come back with a basket each filled to the rim with mushrooms. Estella planned on making her famous mushroom white sauce for the feast.   
  
Merry returned with Lúthien and the lass reported that her father had behaved very well and not stolen a single bit of the ham.   
  
"Thank you Lúthie" Estella said. "Now come get your dinner."   
  
"Finally the harvesting and the slaughtering is all over" Merry said and leaned against a counter with a content sigh.   
  
"For you perhaps" Estella said and dropped a piece of flatbread into the pot she had boiled the first ham in. With a pair of cooking tongs she moved the bread around in the broth for a while. "I still have the other ham to finish, and the white sauce to make. You keep Peregrin Took away from this Hobbit hole until all the food is finished, and please be so kind as to keep your two youngest sons away as well!"   
  
She fished out the bread and put it on a plate. She handed it to Merry who sat down to eat while she dropped another piece of bread into the broth. She glanced over at her eating family to see who would get the next serving.   
  
"Lucky" she said. "You're not eating as much as you should."   
  
"I want ham, not this" Lucky complained.   
  
"The ham is for the party" Estella reminded him. "There is nothing wrong with this food so don't complain! Pass your father the butter!"   
  
Lucky obeyed and glanced longingly at the pot with the boiling ham. It was hard settling for this dinner when a ham smelled so wonderfully in the very same room. His mother came up to him and slapped down another piece of wet bread on his plate and with a sigh he ate it. Usually they would get ham to go with the bread, but today everything had to be saved for the party.   
  
"I wish I could have some ham with the bread" Lúthien said, as if having read her brother's mind. "It tastes better that way."   
  
"No ham today, sweetie" Merry said. "It's for the party, like your mother said. You can have ham then, but not today."   
  
"Maybe if I wished it…"  
  
"Do any of those wishes ever come true?" Cordy sighed. "Mother tell her to stop saying that! It gets on my nerves!"   
  
"You get on your own nerves" Lúthien replied.   
  
"Excuse me!" Merry said. "I would appreciate some peace and quiet while I eat my dinner!"   
  
"She started it" Cordy said.   
  
"Did not!"   
  
"Did too!"   
  
"Did not!"   
  
"Both of you stop it" Estella said. "Or you won't get any ham at the party either!"   
  
"Why did you have to have so many children?" Cordy complained. "I would have liked it much better without younger siblings. Couldn't you have settled for those you had when I was born instead of having two more?"   
  
"Practice makes perfect" Lúthien said cheekily.   
  
"Hey!" Éowyn complained.   
  
"That's enough!" Merry said, getting more and more annoyed. "The next person to say a word will be sent straight to bed without any supper later on!"   
  
Estella sighed and rubbed her aching temples. She continued to serve the others and could then finally sit down and eat some dinner of her own. None of the children said another word, fearing having to go to bed without supper, and the parents found the silence lovely. For weeks now they had had people chatting around them constantly, it felt good to enjoy a moment of silence for once.   
  
Once they were all finished eating Éowyn and Estella silently rose and began gathering the dishes. Lúthien and Cordy were busy giving each other as many evil eyes as they could and Lucky, who looked bored, was twirling his glass around.   
  
To make sure he had something to do Lucky was put on dishing duty while Éowyn dried up. Estella went back to the ham which was almost done now, and the others remained seated. After a while Aramac looked at Merry.   
  
"Can we talk now?" he asked.   
  
"Talk, but not argue." He saw that Lúthien was about to speak and cut her off before she got the chance. "That especially goes for you, young lady!"   
  
"What do you want to talk about?" Théo asked Aramac, just to get a conversation going.   
  
"I was hoping Éowyn and I could go out in the boat" Aramac said. "It's a lovely evening…"  
  
"You run along" Estella said. "Merry can dry the dishes."   
  
"At your service" Merry said and took over the job. "But don't go swimming, I don't want you in the River after dinnertime!"   
  
"You used to swim by midnight when you were younger" Aramac objected.   
  
"That counts as arguing" Théo said.   
  
"I'll just be quiet and leave" Aramac said and hurried off together with his sister.   
  
"Théodoc will you take over the dishes from your brother?" Estella asked. "I've got two pig's tails here and as tradition goes it is the youngest members of the family who get to grill them over the fireplace!"   
  
"Hooray!" Lúthien cried and ran up to her mother. "I love being the youngest."   
  
Cordy sighed and left the room muttering something about how he had been the youngest until Lucky and Lúthie had come along. Estella shook her head and wondered how six children could bicker so much. She had completely forgotten how much she had bickered with Fatty when she was younger.   
  
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Early the next morning Lucky carefully opened the door to his parents' bedroom. He had been feeling under the weather the night before and when he had woken up this morning he could tell he had a fever to go with his sore throat and aching head.   
  
His parents were sleeping heavily. Lucky could tell they had had a visitor during the night. Lúthien was asleep with Merry as her mattress, sucking her thumb. Ever since she was a little girl, when she first had gotten over her fear of Merry after his year away, she had loved climbing up on his strong chest and going to sleep there. Merry still let her do that even though she was getting too big and too heavy.   
  
Lucky padded up to the bed and for a moment hesitated to wake his father up. He knew that when he woke his father Lúthien would wake too, and she would wake up their mother. But he had to alert his father to his illness and get something for the aching head and throat. Gently he shook Merry's arm.   
  
Merry mumbled something in his sleep and for a moment Lucky feared he was going to roll over. But his father laid still and Lucky shook his arm harder. This time Merry stirred and woke up. "Lucky?" he mumbled. "Is something the matter?"   
  
Lucky gave him an unhappy look. He didn't want to open his mouth and say that he was not feeling well. It was always Lucky who was not feeling well, he hated being the first to catch every cold and sometimes being the only one who caught anything at all. Merry looked at him and quickly put two and two together.   
  
"Oh Lucky…" he said. "Are you ill again?"   
  
Lucky nodded unhappily. Merry glanced at Lúthien and wondered how he would be able to get out of bed without waking her up. As carefully as he could he tried to move her off him but only managed to wake her up.   
  
"Lucky…" she complained when she saw her brother. "I was sleeping!"   
  
Her voice woke Estella, just like Lucky had known would happen. While Lúthien got off her father and stole his pillow to lie more comfortably between her parents, Estella sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes.   
  
"Lucimac!" she said. "What is it, are you ill?"   
  
"Go back to sleep, Estella" Merry said and lit a candle. "I'll get Lucky something to drink. It's probably the excitement from the past weeks…"  
  
"I never get sick because I'm excited" Lúthien said and closed her eyes to go to sleep again.   
  
"Shush Lúthie" Estella angrily said.   
  
"Last time it was your birthday you threw up" Lucky pointed out.   
  
"There now" Merry said. "Let her go back to sleep. Come with me, I'll get you something for your throat. What else is hurting?"   
  
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An hour later Lucky was tucked back in his bed the room he often slept in when he was ill. Normally he shared a room with Cordy but Merry didn't want a sick child around a healthy one if it could be avoided. Poor Lucky had pneumonia, the second one in two years, and Merry lay down in the bed beside him after he had tucked him in. Gently he stroked the boy's forehead and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Poor Lucky always seemed to be falling ill with something. Unlike his brothers and sisters he never hurt himself while playing or had even had as much as a bruise in his life, instead he got sick. Merry knew it was most likely his premature birth that had given him such poor health, and he knew Estella always blamed herself whenever Lucky was sick.   
  
It didn't take long for Lucky to fall asleep. Merry knew he would be chained to this sickbed for another couple of days, which meant that he would miss the party. Poor Lucky had looked forward to the party for weeks and now he would miss it. Merry got out of the bed as carefully as he could and snuck down to the kitchen. Nobody seemed to be awake yet, making the most out of the opportunity he found the best pieces of all the pies, sausages and steaks and put them aside so that Lucky would get them when he felt better.   
  
He then returned to Lucky and got back into the bed. He placed a cold cloth on the boy's forehead and stroke his cheek gently. He would give anything to improve his son's health but he knew there was nothing to do. He should be thankful that his son was even alive, nobody had given him more than a few hours to live when he was born.   
  
"You're really not the lucky one…" he whispered to his son. "We are. You didn't ask us to be born, certainly not born prematurely! But we got to keep you, and that's as lucky as anyone could ever get."   
  
He closed his eyes and put an arm around the boy. Lucky slept peacefully for now, but the upcoming days would be tough. At least this time Merry was there by his side instead of in Gondor.   
  
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Please review! Hope you enjoyed this little "nothing really happens" piece! Next week it will be about the same length as usual. Until then, toodles! 


	21. 1449

**Author's Note**: I haven't had the time to read through this before posting it, I hope it's good anyway. A little bit of drama this week, but more than that the theme is _morals_. Hope you'll enjoy!  
  
**Disclaimer**: See previous chapters.   
  
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"Is this going to take long?" Fredegar complained as Merry handed him Dusky's reins.   
  
"Perhaps" Merry said. "I'm sorry Fatty, but this has to come first."   
  
Fatty made a face. They had planned on riding to the inn and have a few pints of ale but on the way Merry had been waved in by a Hobbit whose children were sick. Merry promised he would take a look at them, which meant Fatty would have to wait at least thirty more minutes before he could have his ale.   
  
Merry ignored his brother-in-law's pouting and followed the other Hobbit inside. He was one of the Delverings, a Hobbit family who traditionally were the lowest class in Buckland. They owned the least fertile soils and did most of the unpleasant work. None of them had any money to speak of. Fatty evilly wished Merry would leave them be and not worry his head about them, in Fatty's eyes they were not as important as the ale waiting for them at the inn. But Merry felt differently.   
  
"They just came sick this morning!" Cobe Delvering said to Merry as he led him to his nursery. "They seemed fine yesterday!"   
  
"Sometimes it catches you off-guard" Merry said. "But I would not be alarmed if I were you. It's spring, everybody's running around outside far too undressed, and since we had snow this winter the ground is wet now. I know I'll be tending to my own children before long when they bring the cold on themselves."   
  
He walked into the nursery and found Delvering's wife there, watching over two sick youngsters. Merry estimated their ages to about eight and six. He sat down on a stool next to them and placed his hand on the boy's forehead. The nervous parents answered all his questions and watched him examine the children. A frown appeared on Merry's forehead.   
  
"And you saw no signs at all of this yesterday?"   
  
"None!" Mrs. Delvering said.   
  
"Nothing? Neither complained about a headache, sore throat, anything like that? They didn't look like they were getting a temperature?"   
  
"No" Delvering said. "In fact Master… They did not seem ill this morning either! They were perfectly fine until they both fainted after afternoon tea!"   
  
"Have they been anywhere out of the ordinary recently?" Merry asked.   
  
"Why, yes in fact" Delvering said. "My wife, she was midwifing her sister, see? So I brought the children with me when I went to Bree to trade some mathoms in for blankets and pots. They were both very excited, they had never been to Bree before, and not me either!"   
  
"Bree, you say…" Merry said thoughtfully. "Pots and blankets was it?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
Merry took a deep breath.   
  
"Go outside to Fatty Bolger. Tell him to go to Brandy Hall, get Lucky on a horse with him and ride to Bree. Tell him that Legolas Greenleaf will meet him by the gates of the city, Lucky is not to pass through the gates. Fatty shall leave him with Legolas and then head back home."   
  
"Is something the matter?" Mrs. Delvering asked.   
  
"Get Fatty the message, **now**!" Merry said and then turned to Mrs. Delvering. "And you get me a pen and paper!"   
  
Delvering and his wife hurried off. Merry wished they would hurry even more. He had heard about their children's condition but nobody had had it in the Shire for over two-hundred years. Knowing how Lucky caught everything that went around he had to get the lad out of the Shire. The dreaded Fever, which was the only name the Hobbits remembered for the condition, was in almost every case deadly. He thanked his lucky star that Legolas was currently in Rivendell and could ride to meet his son.   
  
Mrs. Delvering came back with a piece of paper and a pen and Merry quickly scrabbled a note where he explained the situation to his Elf friend and begged him to help. He also remembered to ask him for some athelas to send with Fatty, Merry's stock was running low. Just as he finished his note Delvering came back.   
  
"Master Fatty wants to know--"  
  
"Has he not yet left?" Merry said angrily. "I swear I'll wring his neck one of these days! Be sure to tell him he can **not** stop for ales on the way!"   
  
"Pardon me Master" Delvering said. "All he wants to know is how to recognise this Legolas."   
  
"He'll be wearing a cape just like mine" Merry said. "Do you have any pigeons? This message needs to be sent to Master Legolas as soon as possible!"   
  
Delvering bowed and left with the note to find Fatty and a pigeon. Merry sighed and rubbed his aching temples. If the children had the Fever he could only hope they had not been in contact with anyone else recently.   
  
"Master, what is wrong with my children?" Mrs. Delvering asked, fighting back her tears.   
  
"Have the children been in contact with anyone else since their return?" Merry asked. Mrs Delvering shook her head. "That's good. What about the pots and blankets, what did you do with them?"   
  
"Should I get them?" Mrs. Delvering asked.   
  
"No!" Merry said. "I just need to know what you did with them."   
  
"Some we kept" Mrs. Delvering said. Realising how the rest of the answer would go Merry sighed deeply. "The rest we traded with our friends and family. And, and Cobe sold a few at the market two days ago."   
  
"Then we have a problem" Merry said.   
  
"What is going on?" Delvering asked, appearing in the doorway.   
  
"They have the Fever" Merry said.   
  
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"Your son is here, Master!" Delvering announced.   
  
Merry hurried outside to make sure Théodoc didn't get too close. He did not want to risk him catching the Fever and he wasn't sure exactly how it spread. If it spread through breath Théo had to stay away.   
  
"Do you have it?" he asked Théo when his son stopped twenty yards away. For once Théo was on a pony and the beast seemed nervous. Merry didn't take that as a good sign.   
  
"I have it" Théo said and lifted up a small pouch.   
  
"Is that all of it?"   
  
"Yes" Théo said.   
  
"Then let us hope we won't get many more patients."   
  
Théo tossed the pouch to his father and Merry caught it. When he held the pouch he could feel that it was heavier than it looked, which hopefully meant that there was more athelas left than he had just thought. If more people fell ill, which they were bound to do if the pots and blankets had been spread out, they would need every shred of athelas they could find. But kingsfoil was hard to come by in the Shire these days.   
  
"Thank you Théo" Merry said. "Did Lucky get off okay?"   
  
"Yes" Théo said. "But we don't understand! What is going on?"   
  
"Make sure word spreads that I am here" Merry said. "I don't want people coming to the Hall to get help when they're ill. Make sure they come here instead."   
  
Théodoc opened his mouth to ask the reason why but thought the better of it. He knew better than to ask questions when his father obviously didn't want to talk. He drove his pony to a gallop and headed toward the market. It would be the safest spot to start spreading the word.   
  
"Gather the blankets you still have" Merry said to Delvering. "Smash the pots and wrap the blankets around them. Then burn the blankets. Ride around to everyone you've given a pot or a blanket to and have them do the same. And tell them to come here if they fall ill."   
  
"Smash the pots?" Delvering repeated. "Burn the blankets? Master I don't think you understands! We traded most of our mathoms for those pots and blankets, their value is very great for us! We don't have a lot of things, Master!"   
  
"The Fever is in the blankets" Merry said. "It's the only known way that the disease spreads. Once it has gotten into a blanket it will never get out of it, the only thing to do is to burn it. Since we don't know in what other ways the Fever might spread we must smash the pots also. Do this as fast as you can Delvering, before it is too late!"   
  
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"Will they die?" Mrs. Delvering asked and began to cry again. Merry was back with her children, preparing some of the athelas. He used as little as he dared to, hoping to be able to save as much as possible.   
  
"I hope they won't" Merry said. "They still have a chance."   
  
"But Fever, it kills!" Mrs. Delvering said. "I know the stories well, how it killed everyone who fell ill when last it came!"   
  
"But I was not here when last it came" Merry said with confidence. "I have not given up on your children yet."   
  
"Master" Delvering said with a heavy sigh, appearing in the door.   
  
"What is it?"   
  
"People are coming… Many people."   
  
Merry got up and went outside to have a look. Dozens of Hobbits were coming from every direction, most of them Delverings but Merry recognised two Brandybucks among them. Luckily they weren't from Brandy Hall, at least the Fever hadn't gotten to the home of so many yet. Merry lifted a hand to shadow the sun and took a deep breath. He prayed he had enough athelas. If he had any luck at all the Fever spread only through the blankets, and once they were burned the deadly illness would be stopped.   
  
"What are we going to do?" Delvering asked. "We cannot have them all stay here! There's no room!"   
  
"Master Merry!" one of the Brandybucks said. "Can you help? You must help…"  
  
"Indeed we cannot all stay here" Merry said.   
  
"Should we go back to our homes?" one of the Delvering asked. "When will you then have the time to come see us? What if you cannot come until it is too late!"   
  
"You're right, we need everyone gathered at the same place" Merry agreed.   
  
"But they cannot all stay here!" Delvering objected once more.   
  
Merry nodded slowly. They had to gather somewhere else. But where?   
  
"Crickhollow" he then said.   
  
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The night was pitch black, darker than a spring night would normally be. Heavy clouds hid the stars and the moon and drenched all sources of light. The walls surrounding Bree were dark as well and let no light out from the little town. Fatty knew that on the other side of these walls a warm and friendly town waited, he wished with all his heart he could be there instead of out here. He had never been to Bree but he had never longed more to see the town than he did right now.   
  
There was only one light nearby, a lantern hanging from a pole right in front of Fatty. It cast a comforting light on the ground and would have made Fatty feel a little better had it not been for how the light only made the scary things scarier.   
  
The light from the lantern reflected in a puddle on the ground. It had rained in Bree earlier in the evening and would surely rain some more later. It was as if the rain had taken a break in order for this meeting to take place, Fatty felt like it was luring around the corner to all fall down on him and make him soaking wet as soon as the meeting was over. It was a scary thought.   
  
Somewhere an owl howled. Fatty hated owls. Fatty hated any animal that scared him when the night was dark. He had never had half the courage his brother-in-law possessed. He longed for a nice warm fireplace, a half-pint of ale and some mushrooms to eat. He didn't want to be out here in the dark.   
  
He held his hands firmly on Lucky's shoulders as if protecting the boy from any attack that might come from behind. But Fatty was not scared of anything behind him. He was scared of what was before him. Three tall dark figures on tall dark horses. He would not have been able to see them at all had they not been close enough to the lantern to have some traces of light fall upon them. The three figures wore dark cloaks that seemed to reach as far down as their ankles and Fatty could not make out any facial features. He had only been this scared one before in his life, when he had stood before a Black Rider. These three characters reminded him of them so much that he in his heart doubted that Merry had been telling the truth when he said that those Riders were no more.   
  
"Uncle Fatty…" Lucky whispered. "I'm scared."   
  
"Identify yourselves!" Fatty said, his voice trembling. If only he could be strong and confident for the boy's sake!   
  
"I am here for Meriadoc's son" one of the figures said.   
  
"Legolas Greenleaf?"   
  
"I have come for the son of Meriadoc" the figure repeated. "You have him."   
  
"Step into the light! How will I know that you are Legolas unless you step into the light?"   
  
"How would you recognise someone you had never met before?" the figure asked.   
  
"Merry told me what to look for!" Fatty asked, sounding a bit more confident when he had a reply to the dark figure. "'Look for a cape just like mine', he said!"   
  
The figure dismounted his horse.   
  
"A dear old fool he remains" he said. "What foolishness to send such an important message and such an important treasure with someone with no sense in his head."   
  
Legolas stepped into the lights. Lucky and Fatty's jaws dropped at the same time. Neither had ever seen an Elf before.   
  
"You should not have told me what you were to look for" Legolas said. "For how would you then know for sure that I was not casting some spell upon your eyes to make you see what you expected to see?" He took off his dark hooded cape and revealed an Elf cape just like Merry's hanging from his shoulders. "Would you not expect an Elf to be wearing an Elven cape?" he asked. "How can you tell that this is the exact same kind as Merry's?"   
  
Fatty blushed and looked away. Lucky however squinted and stood on his tiptoes to get a better look.   
  
"The brooch is exactly the same as Father's!" he said. "Father says those brooches are special and cannot be find on more than nine capes in the world."   
  
"At least someone with some sense" Legolas said. "Yes I am indeed Legolas Greenleaf, sent by your father to meet you here and bring you to safety. Has he ever told you about Rivendell?"   
  
"Rivendell!" Lucky exclaimed, unable to believe his good fortune. "The Elven city!"   
  
"You shall ride with me there and you shall be safe." Legolas kneeled and reached out his hand to Lucky. "Come Lucimac Brandybuck."   
  
Lucky was not afraid anymore. He knew who Legolas was. His father had told him many stories about him. Lucky had never felt a more intoxicating feeling in all his life, not only was he heading off to adventures and getting to see those lands his father had traveled through so many years ago. In front of him now stood a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. So it was all true, then. Those fragments of stories he had been told, of fantastic people and fantastic places, they were all true. The proof was standing right before his eyes. He took the hand Legolas had extended and let the Elf lift him up on his horse.   
  
"That horse is mighty big!" Fatty objected, now both scared and humiliated.   
  
"Merry asked me to keep his son safe and so I shall" Legolas said. "I will not let him fall from the horse!"   
  
"It's okay, Uncle Fatty!" Lucky exclaimed happily.   
  
"Give this to Merry" Legolas said and handed Fatty a large pouch and a letter. "Travel with haste. Lives depend on it."   
  
Then Legolas mounted his horse and Fatty gasped when he saw that the animal had no saddle or reins. He couldn't believe he was letting his nephew ride off on the largest horse he had ever seen without any protection from falling to the ground. But before he could protest Legolas had put his cloak back on and wrapped it around Lucky as well so the child was barely visible. Then the three riders turned their horses around and galloped off into the night.   
  
Left alone behind stood Fatty Bolger, longing even more for ale and a nice fireplace.   
  
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Dark was the night at Crickhollow when Merry took his refuge to the kitchen for something to eat. He would have to eat fast, there was a young lass who needed athelas quite soon. She would get the last of it. Merry had treated twenty Hobbits in the past few days and by now his supply of kingsfoil was almost spent. He wondered what could be keeping Fatty so long, he wished he would return soon with the very important herbs.   
  
He had sent out five young medic trainees to search for more kingsfoil. The plant did grow in the Shire but unfortunately a lot of people saw it as a weed and got rid of it. Merry had told the youngsters to search every garden and every flowerbed in the Shire if they had to.   
  
Marcoro Took, a medic from Tuckburough, came and sat down opposite Merry to have something to eat as well. All medics in the Shire had gathered at Crickhollow but none of them knew what to do with the athelas. In truth none of them believed that the weed did any good at all. They couldn't explain how Merry could heal people from the Fever but they were not yet ready to recognise such great powers in a weed. They preferred to believe that Merry did magic. The result of their disbelief was that Merry was on his own to treat the ill Hobbits who came from all parts of the Shire now, while the other medics did whatever they could to ease aching throats, heads and muscles.   
  
Merry was exhausted. He had not seen his family in days, Brandy Hall was pretty much locked down, nobody was allowed to go in or out. If the Fever began to spread through Brandy Hall far too many would fall ill in far too short period of time. The Great Smials were also kept under supervision but the Tooks had a little more freedom. Especially Pippin, who was in charge of the shriffs, who worked hard to keep Brandy Hall and Crickhollow secluded.   
  
"Have you gotten any further on how it spreads?" Merry asked Marcoro while they ate.   
  
"I'm not sure" Marcoro said. "What we know is that it spreads through blankets, and through sharing cups and cutlery. At least it does not appear to be spreading through the air with our breaths. May every mighty power in this world help us if it began to spread that way…"  
  
"There would be no stopping it then" Merry said and took a deep breath. "What a mess… What ill did we do to deserve the Fever? You are all very brave Marcoro to come here and work at the risk of your lives."   
  
"We'd better hope we don't start catching it" Marcoro said. "If we begin to die, who is going to be the medic then?"   
  
Merry nodded and slowly continued with his soup. He really should be hurrying up but he needed this moment to sit back and relax. Suddenly he squinted, thinking he could see something through the window.   
  
"Oh no…" he said. "Don't tell me they're bringing another one in!"   
  
He rose from his chair and went to the window. It was dark out and difficult to see. Whoever it was ought to have brought a light. Then suddenly he saw who it was. It was Pippin, frantically waving to his left. Merry nodded slightly.   
  
"Who is it?" Marcoro asked.   
  
"No one" Merry said. "This exhaustion is making me see things!"   
  
"Take a few hours to rest, Master" Marcoro said.   
  
"In a while perhaps" Merry said. "I need to treat the Delvering lass first. She won't make it through the night unless I do."   
  
He left the kitchen but did not go to fetch the herbs. Instead he was headed for his study. He closed the door very carefully behind him, hoping no one had noticed him going in there. Anyone who had set foot inside Crickhollow was strictly forbidden to have any form of contact with those on the outside as long as they weren't sure what caused the Fever to spread. When Merry and the other medics needed something from their apprentices they sent word through the old-fashioned method of tying a note to something heavy and tossing it out an open window. It was getting ridiculous.   
  
Merry strode up to his window, which unlike the window in Pippin's study could open. Pippin was crouched in the bushes underneath the window and Merry leaned his upper-body out to talk to him. Pippin reached his hands up to him and held his cousin's hands in his own. They had not seen each other in days, it was good to be near one another once more.   
  
"Nobody can see us" Pippin whispered. "Nobody knows I'm here. Nobody should be able to hear us either but we'd better keep our voices down just to be on the safe side." He paused. "How are you doing, Merry?"   
  
"I'm just fine" Merry said. "You shouldn't have come, I fear I'll pass something on to you. Though it's balm for my soul to hear your voice."   
  
Pippin rewarded him with a smile. Merry had seen that smile once before, when they had been captivated by the orcs. It was the smile Pippin had given him in the middle of their despair when he had heard his cousin was okay. It was that wonderful smile of relief, only someone like Pippin could smile like that when things looked so dark.   
  
"You are not ill" Pippin stated.   
  
"Through some miracle" Merry said. "How's Tuckburough? Is there anyone still out there who isn't ill? I've seen so many Hobbits deadly sick in these past few days that I've almost forgotten how a healthy Hobbit looks."   
  
"Many have died?" Pippin said sadly.   
  
"Many have also lived" Merry said. "We cannot cure all of them, but we could have been much worse off. It is so great to see you again, Pippin Took."   
  
"I wish I could be there with you and help you through this ordeal" Pippin said. "But I have got my own to think about. The silly klutzes in the shriffs are not used to working hard, you wouldn't believe how low their discipline is!"   
  
"No news from Fatty?" Merry asked.   
  
"No" Pippin said. "I'm sorry Merry."   
  
"He should have been back by now! You don't suppose anything has happened to Lucimac, do you?"   
  
"Legolas would have sent word if so" Pippin said. "Old Fatty's probably lost and can't find his way back or something. He'll show up, don't worry."   
  
"I need that athelas!" Merry said.   
  
"You'll get it…" Pippin said.   
  
"So you've come only to lift my spirits a bit?" Merry asked and smiled. "You're putting yourself in a huge risk in doing so!"   
  
The smile vanished from Pippin's face and he had to turn his head for a moment. He found it hard looking into Merry's eyes right now.   
  
"Unfortunately…" Pippin said. "Unfortunately I am not here for that reason. I have ill news to bring you."   
  
"Pippin, nothing has happened to your family has it?" Merry asked, gripping Pippin's hands harder. "Are Faramir and Diamond fine?"   
  
"Merry…" Pippin sighed. "It's Lúthien. She's got the Fever."   
  
"What?" Merry asked sternly.   
  
"She's sick" Pippin said tenderly and reached up a hand to gently caress Merry's cheek. "She fell ill yesterday."   
  
"Yesterday?" Merry repeated. "Yesterday?"   
  
"Yesterday" Pippin nodded. "I've spent every waking moment since word came to me trying to figure out how to get you the message. I tried to have her moved here but they refuse to let her leave the room at the Hall. They're afraid she'll leave the illness like a trail behind her, infesting every room and hall she passes! Everyone is terrified, Merry! I've done everything I could but they refused to even let me into her room."   
  
"But how did she get it?" Merry asked. "Was she outside?"   
  
"I don't know" Pippin said. "But she went with Estella to the market earlier in the week. Perhaps she got in contact with one of those blankets?"   
  
"But if so why hasn't she fallen ill sooner?" Merry said. He closed his eyes and cried out with frustration.   
  
Pippin shushed him as loudly as he dared to.   
  
"Someone might hear you!"   
  
"They're just going to leave her like that?" Merry asked. "They're just going to let my baby die? Fever kills the one who doesn't get treatment! They will let that happen to her? I won't let them!"   
  
He let go of Pippin's hands and stormed off. Pippin remained by the window, waiting for whatever message or herb Merry might be coming back with. His jaw nearly dropped with surprise when Merry after ten minutes came jumping out the window and nearly knocked Pippin over in the fall. Merry had grabbed the very last athelas and flung his Elf cape over his shoulders and looked at his cousin with determined eyes.   
  
"If they won't let her come to me then I shall come to her" he said resolutely. "How could they leave her to **die**?"   
  
"You're sure about this?" Pippin asked and began to close the window as much as he could from the outside. He knew Merry was sure but he thought it was best to ask. "You're needed here too."   
  
"I have only athelas to save one more life" Merry said. "Once it is spent I am as useless or as useful as the other medics. My presence won't make a difference until Fatty returns or those darn trainees find some kingsfoil!"   
  
Pippin nodded. He made his way through the brushes to where he had hid his pony and Merry followed close behind. Their Elf capes shielded them from the eyes of the shriffs standing on guard by the gates and the door to Crickhollow. Merry distrustfully shook his head as Pippin untied the pony's reins.   
  
"How we are to pass them by unnoticed is a mystery to me" he said. "But do it we must."   
  
"Please Merry" Pippin said. "I got past them once, I can do it again." He mounted his pony and reached out his hand to Merry. "Up you go! Crow can carry both of us, it's not a long distance. Come on!"   
  
Merry continued to glare distrustfully at the guards by the gate but Pippin steered Crow in the other direction. Late in the previous night he had ridden to a spot where the fence was partly concealed by trees and had resolutely sawed off some beams to make an entrance. He had used that hole to get in earlier this evening and now he used it to get out. Once they were at a safe enough distance he drove Crow to a gallop.   
  
But there was no way to sneak into Brandy Hall unnoticed. Every single entrance was carefully guarded and lanterns were hung all around so that nobody could hide in the shadows and climb through a window. Knowing this Pippin headed straight for the main entrance. If they had to get past shriffs then they might as well do so by the main entrance.   
  
Merry quickly got down on the ground when they came close enough to the Hall and walked up to the six Hobbits guarding the door, walking as if it was just an ordinary night. One of them raised his spear.   
  
"Stop!" he said. "You are supposed to be at Crickhollow, you are not meant to leave! The Fever might come with you!"   
  
"I've left Crickhollow" Merry said. "I need to get inside Brandy Hall."   
  
"I cannot let you get through, Master" the Hobbit said.   
  
"This is my home, do not tell me what I can and cannot do" Merry said. "Or do you wish to hold me back? And perhaps catch the Fever?"   
  
"If we must" the Hobbit said. "We cannot let you go inside and infect everyone living there. I'm sorry Master."   
  
"Lúthien is sick!" Merry said, getting more and more upset. "I have to get to her, you have to let me through! Please!"   
  
"I'm sorry" the Hobbit said.   
  
"Let me through!" Merry commanded and tried to get past the shriffs.   
  
Pippin stood back and said nothing as two of the shriffs grabbed a hold of Merry and held him back. Pippin could not help but admire the two, they knew they were putting themselves in the risk of catching the Fever but they still held Merry back in order to protect those living at the Hall. Merry struggled with all his might to get loose and he directed all of his anger and frustration at the poor shriff with the spear.   
  
"She's my **daughter**!" he cried. "You have to let me through. Her life depends on it! Please, have a heart!"   
  
"It would risk the lives of all living at Brandy Hall" the spear-holding Hobbit said firmly. "Think of how many that could die!"   
  
"But she's my child!" Merry cried, near hysteria. "She is sick! You have to let me see her! I am the Master of Buckland and I **demand** you let me in! My baby is dying! Are you not a father? Do you not understand? I cannot let her die, she is my** daughter**!"   
  
Suddenly he managed to get a hand loose and before anyone had a chance to react he had drawn his sword. The Hobbit who had lost his grip of Merry's hand quickly backed away and Merry had no trouble shaking loose the other one. He took a step up to the other shriffs and held his blade up to the chin of the Hobbit with the spear.   
  
"Let me through right now" he said, suddenly sounding very calm and very threatening. "It is an **order** not a suggestion."   
  
But he had underestimated the shriff, who in spite of his obvious fear did not budge.   
  
"I cannot let you pass" he said.   
  
"I have killed far more than you could count with a blade" Merry said. "And not only orcs! You would be surprised! A little rat like you would be no match for me, don't you for a second doubt that I would not kill you to get to my daughter!"   
  
"You kill me and everyone here will witness it" the shriff said and swallowed.   
  
"The king will pardon me" Merry said. "Let me inside."   
  
"Master…" the shriff said. "You are hereby relieved of your command and authority. You have lost your mind."   
  
Suddenly another blade appeared, this time resting against the throat of a nervous young shriff standing next to the one with the spear. The blade was held by Pippin, who had snuck up unseen, camouflaged by his Elf cape and his black Gondorian armor.   
  
"This blade too has killed more than you could count" he said icily. "You stand between us and our sick child. How highly do you think we value your life under such circumstances?"   
  
"But we are here on your command!" one of the shriffs cried out. "We were posted here by you, ordered to not let anyone through!"   
  
"And your Master has just given you another order" Pippin said. "Relieve him from his authority if you think that might help. But I still hold full authority over the shriffs and cannot be relieved from such by any other command than that of the Master and the Mayor together. And I **order** you to let us through!"   
  
With more precision than anyone knew he slowly and casually slid his blade across the young shriff's throat, scraping the skin enough to make him bleed but skillfully avoiding any serious injuries. The unlucky Hobbit exposed to this treatment did not see it as quite as safe as Pippin, and broke down crying. The act had the effect Pippin had intended, it scared the shriffs to follow his command. The Hobbit with the spear held his head high even though he feared having Merry's far less steady sword put him through the same treatment, and stepped aside.   
  
"You will never get through that door" he said. "You do so Master Merry and it will be the death of many."   
  
Merry ignored him and put his sword back in its scabbard. He was not scared of any threats coming from the shriffs and he was certain he would not pass the Fever on to anyone simply by walking the halls of his home. But one thing was sure, he would encounter many more Hobbits trying to stop him if he went through the door. He went up to an open window and stopped to wait for Pippin to catch up. Brandy Hall was built mostly underground, but by the main entrance there were two floors above ground level. The windows on the upper floor were open now, to let fresh air in, and Pippin folded his hands and held them out for Merry to stand on. Merry grabbed a part of a beam that stuck out and put his foot in Pippin's hands, lifting all his weight over on that foot. He managed to grab the windowsill and pulled himself up while Pippin pushed from the other end. Once he had gotten inside he reached out his hand for Pippin who climbed up after him. They were inside.   
  
"This way" Pippin whispered and led him out in the hall. "They're keeping her in the same room they found her ill. Nobody dares to go near save for Estella."   
  
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Estella jumped slightly when she thought she heard the door open. Nobody had gone near that door since the day before when Lúthien had been discovered ill. Nobody had dared to. Estella had begun to accept that she would be alone with Lúthien until the lass died. There was no hope anymore, they would not let her take Lúthien to Crickhollow or even send word of her illness. Nobody could help them.   
  
"Lúthie…" a voice said in the door.   
  
Estella shook her head in disbelief. She was beginning to get delirious, she heard things that weren't there. Her heart wanted it so badly that it fooled the mind. She nearly had a heart attack from shock when Merry kneeled down beside her.   
  
"Merry!" she gasped.   
  
"Oh my Lúthie…" Merry whispered, seemingly unaware that Estella was there.   
  
"She's dying" Estella said, breaking out in tears. "It's too late!"   
  
"Never give up" Merry said and grabbed his pouch with the very last of the athelas. "I will not let her die if there is anything at all I can do for her. I cannot accept having gone through so much to get here and then arrive when it's too late!"   
  
"Oh Merry…" Estella said and shook her head. "Not even you can help her now. You're here, I cannot believe you're here, but you cannot help her. All you can do is sit with me now, and together we will wake with her for as long as her life lasts. She does not recognise me anymore when she is awake. She is too ill. Had she been older she might have lived… But I've seen it in her for hours now. It is only a matter of time."   
  
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Pippin entered the small library and rubbed his tired eyes. Merry was with Lúthien now, Pippin could only pray they had not been too late. He had done everything in his might but there was a chance he had not gotten Merry to her in time.   
  
He noticed that he was not alone in the room. By the desk in the corner Éowyn was slumped, trying to write but unable to get anything down on paper. She had looked up when Pippin entered but then gone back to staring at her papers.   
  
"Hey you…" Pippin said and walked closer to her. "How are you holding up?"   
  
"My sister is dying" Éowyn said, sounding like she was about to cry.   
  
"Perhaps she won't" Pippin said.   
  
"I feel so bad" Éowyn said. "I've been so jealous of her. I've been so petty towards her. I wanted to be the only daughter. She came and stole my special place in the family, she's worn my clothes, played with my toys, but most of all… Most of all she…"  
  
Éowyn paused and took a deep breath to compose herself. Pippin wished he could do something for her. It broke his heart to see his daughter at heart in this state. He wished he could take away all of her worries, sorrows and fears, or at the very least hold her in his arms and lull her to peace like he had done when she was little. But she was not little anymore, she was almost twenty years old and forced to face the brutality of life. He could not shield her from the pain just as he could not hold her in his arms and rock her to sleep.   
  
"Most of all she stole Father" Éowyn finished her sentence, fighting back her tears. "She's his baby girl, I'm not his baby girl anymore! Half my life I was his only daughter but then Lúthien was born and changed everything."   
  
"You're still everything you always have been to him" Pippin said.   
  
"How could I have been so petty? I remember when Hamfast died how I promised Father I would no longer be jealous of Lúthien but to love her and look after her. She admires me, I know she looks up to me, she loves me so much! And I give her no reason at all to do so! But she never did anything **wrong**! She didn't ask to be born and to take her place as the youngest of the siblings. It was not her choice to be Father's baby girl! Yet I have punished her for all those things she could not help and now she is dying."   
  
"She's not dying because of you" Pippin objected softly.   
  
"But I haven't loved her the way I should" Éowyn said. "I will never forgive myself! She's my only sister! It's a rare gift! All she's ever wanted was to play and laugh and have fun, and now she has to die. _And all will turn to silver glass_…"  
  
The door opened and Merry entered, as if having known they would be there. He walked over to Éowyn who was too shaken to be surprised by him being there.   
  
"Da!" she cried out and threw her arms around his waist.   
  
Merry wrapped his arms around her and she leaned her head against his belly and finally wept. Merry gently shushed her and stroke her back. Pippin wished there was something he could say or do but knew there wasn't. All the world had been turned on its head, Lucky had been sent to safety but not his sister. And now here they were.   
  
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Nobody spoke a word to him when Merry returned to Crickhollow the following afternoon. Nobody had anything to say. He had snuck off and nobody could think of any reason good enough for him to do so. There were sick people needing him at Crickhollow.   
  
Merry passed by everyone he met without so much as a nod. He was through. What was the point anymore? There was no athelas, nothing could heal the sick. All he wanted was to pack up his things and go back to the Hall.   
  
He was stopped in the hallway by Delfo Delvering, and somewhere in the back of his head a memory crept back to him. Last night before Pippin's arrival he was going to use the last of the athelas to heal Delfo's daughter. She was about the same age as Lúthien. The thought sent chills down Merry's spine.   
  
Knowing he could not avoid this confrontation he opened the nearest door and went inside what turned out to be Sam's old bedroom. Delfo Delvering followed him and closed the door. Normally he would never approach Merry with any harsh words but right now he could not control himself. His daughter Fern had died shortly after midnight because Merry had left and forgotten to cure her. But Merry had not forgotten. He had chosen.   
  
He knew he owed Delfo Delvering an explanation but he was too worn right now. In as short terms as possible he tried to explain the news he had gotten and why he had left. Delfo did not accept his explanation however.   
  
"You took the last of the healing herb!" he said. "How could you do such a thing?"   
  
"To save my daughter's life!" Merry said.   
  
"But you had promised it to **my** daughter! What kind of a Master are you, who forsakes those he is supposed to look after?"   
  
"What kind of Master I am? Delfo Delvering, what kind of **father** would I be if I abandoned my Lúthien in favor of your Fern? How can I be any kind of Master at all and look after the people in Buckland if I do not look after my own family first?"   
  
"But you had promised it to my daughter and you let her die!"   
  
"I could only save one of them" Merry said. "I had to make an instant choice. And as long as there was still any hope for my daughter I had to choose her. For she matters more to me than anyone in any other family."   
  
"My daughter was a Delvering" Delfo said. "That's the issue, isn't it? You would never have done what you did had my daughter's last name been Brandybuck!"   
  
"I would have done the exact same thing no matter what your daughter's last name!" Merry defended himself. "My own daughter came first. Could you have left Fern to die in favour of Lúthien? Could you? If not, don't be so quick as to pass out judgment."   
  
"But you're not just any Hobbit" Delfo said. "You're the Master of Buckland. Your family cannot always come first with you."   
  
"You're wrong" Merry said. "I am not the Master of Buckland. As of yesterday I am officially removed of all authority and deprived of all my titles. I am just like you, a father who would do anything for his baby girl."   
  
The door opened and one of the medics stuck his head in.   
  
"Pardon me Master…"  
  
"How did you know I was in here?" Merry sighed and wondered if he would ever get to go back to Brandy Hall.   
  
"I'm sorry. But they just brought Fredegar Bolger in."   
  
Merry flew to his feet.   
  
"Fatty! Where on earth has that sluggard been? Does he have the athelas? Is he all right? What has he said about Lucimac?"   
  
"He has the Fever" the medic said. "I'm so sorry Master…"  
  
"Put him in my old room" Merry commanded. "Hurry! How bad is he?"   
  
"… Bad."   
  
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Merry placed a wet cloth over Fatty's forehead and began preparing some athelas. Legolas had sent a lot, it would hopefully be enough to last for Merry to dry later. Right now however the most important thing was to tend to Fatty.   
  
After Legolas had rode off with Lucky Fatty had gone to the Prancing Pony, afraid of riding back to the Shire in the dark. Once he was there he had been reluctant to leave the nice inn with the tasty ale, warm fireplace and from what he could tell, no illness. Little had he known that the Hobbit who had used his room before him had fallen ill to the Fever and even though they had been washed the sheets still held the disease. Once Fatty learned of the other Hobbit's fate he realised he would get ill as well and rode back to Buckland as fast as he could. He had fainted and fallen off his pony as he passed through the Main Gate and had been brought to Crickhollow.   
  
Now he was under Merry's care. Merry didn't ask him why he had taken so long and he wasn't particularly interested of knowing. It would have made no difference had he arrived a day earlier, Merry would still have snuck out and Fern Delvering would still have died. Whatever wrongs Fatty had done in delaying he was now paying for it.   
  
Merry knew there were others in need of care as well but he chose to take his time with preparing the athelas for Fatty. It gave him a little room to breathe and it gave him someone to focus on. Fatty was weak and seemed to have the Fever worse than the others. Either it was since he had been exposed to it for a long time or the Fever in Bree had gotten worse. Merry found it very unsettling, he worried about his brother-in-law.   
  
He rose from his chair and walked up to the window. He had had so many good times in this room. This was where he and Estella had spent their first years as husband and wife, two of his children had been conceived here and a third born. No ill Hobbits had been placed in the nurseries or his, Pippin's, Sam's or Frodo's old bedrooms. Crickhollow had other bedrooms that could be used and placing more than one Hobbit in the same room had been good to help economise what little kingsfoil they had had. But Merry felt it was only right to put Fatty in his old bed.   
  
He felt like there was no end to this night, a feeling he had had far too often in the past years. Too many Hobbits had died already and Fatty might be the next one. He should never have sent him to Bree with Lucky, he should have sent one of the shriffs. Lucky was safe but Fatty was fighting for his life.   
  
"Fredegar…" Merry mumbled. "You saved Lucky's life. But has it cost you yours?"   
  
"No…" Fatty whispered from his bed.   
  
Merry turned his head in surprise. He hurried up to Fatty and shushed him.   
  
"You need all your strength, do not talk."   
  
"Merry…" Fatty moaned, barely able to talk. "My… fault…"  
  
"Shush" Merry said.   
  
"I… stayed… didn't… return… my… fault…"  
  
"You always were a big fool" Merry said. "But there's nothing you can do to change that. Save your strength. I do not want to lose you too."   
  
"Nobody's… sick… right?"   
  
Merry lowered his head and sighed.   
  
"Lúthien caught the Fever."   
  
"No" Fatty whimpered. "Not Lúthien…"  
  
Lúthien had always been the one of the children who was dearest to his heart. When Merry had been in Rohan when Lúthien was little Fatty had filled in as her father and come to love her like a daughter. For a moment Merry wished he hadn't said anything. Fatty needed to stay focused and keep his hope and strength.   
  
"You will fight this" Merry said. "Do you hear me?"   
  
"I… can't…"  
  
"Oh yes you can" Merry said. "Others have survived, so shall you."   
  
Fatty shook his head.   
  
"No…"  
  
"**Yes**" Merry said. "You'll feel much better once the athelas begins to work."   
  
Fatty shook his head slowly and drifted back off to sleep. Merry began using the athelas and after a few minutes Fatty opened his eyes again. He looked at Merry with determination in his eyes.   
  
"My sister…" he said.   
  
"She is not here" Merry said. "She cannot come. She is isolated at Brandy Hall, nobody dares to go near her. She sat with Lúthien."   
  
"Tell her… goodbye then…"  
  
"You shush" Merry said. "And Fredegar… Thank you!"   
  
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For more days than anyone could bother counting the Shire stayed under the threat of the Fever. Finally nobody else seemed to be falling ill and after a week of no new illnesses Mayor Samwise declared that the emergency was over and people were to go back to their normal lives. But things were not normal. Forty-three Hobbits had died, leaving thirty-five families in grief of a deceased family member. Nearly a hundred had been saved after falling ill but that did not seem to matter to anyone. Their thoughts were with those who had died, not those who had lived.   
  
When the quarantine at Crickhollow was finally lifted Merry gathered his things in a rucksack and began walking back to Brandy Hall. He could have had a pony sent to him but he preferred getting to stretch his legs and breathe the free air. He had barely seen the sun in days and the sound of birds twittering warmed his heart. It was June now, and they were all free. Nobody had to fear falling ill and nobody had to face the death of a loved one.   
  
Merry had a new challenge ahead of him now. He had been relieved of his command, authority and title during the night he had broken into Brandy Hall and now Buckland stood without a Master. The question was, who was to take over? Théodoc was only eighteen and too young yet, if it could be avoided Merry would rather see someone else as Master until Théo reached 33. The next of kin was Merry's cousin Berilac, whose father had been the younger brother of Master Saradoc. Berilac had filled in as Master in the past and when Merry had been presumed dead during the War he had been prepared to one day take over the Mastership in his dead cousin's place.   
  
A great meeting would be held at Michael Delving in two days, where it would fall upon the people to accept or decline Berilac as the guardian of Théodoc's title. It was up to the Mayor and Thain to make it formal but tradition called for the people saying what they felt. Merry knew he had to attend and oddly enough he looked forward to it. If this was the price he had to pay for getting to his daughter then he would pay it.   
  
He turned his head and looked back at Crickhollow. He wished he never had to set foot there again. So many deaths had occurred there, so many broken hearts and feverish nightmares. It was unreal that the house had once been the home of two couples with their whole lives ahead of them and with growing families. All the love that had once filled Crickhollow had vanished during the days of the Fever.   
  
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Clad in his Gondorian armour and with his Elf cape flung over his shoulders Pippin strode back and forth while occasionally gesturing with his sword. The members of the shriffs sitting by the table listened without saying a word. Peregrin was their Captain and highest command and when he talked they listened.   
  
Pippin was giving them a long speech about the duties of the shriffs and how even though they had done their job well during the Fever they had failed miserably during the night Merry had come to Brandy Hall. Merry was their Captain also and they had failed to follow his order. Pippin went on and on about how it was a disgrace and how he must have failed in training them. Since he had become Thain Pippin had made it his special project to turn the shriffs into figures more like the guards and soldiers in Gondor. They now wore special uniforms and had different ranks, and a different code to follow. Pippin claimed they had violated that code.   
  
"With all due respect Thain…" the Hobbit who had held the spear on that night said. "Captain Merry needed to be removed of his command. He had lost his mind."   
  
"No he hadn't" Pippin said and slammed his palms down on the table. "Let me tell you what losing your mind is. Losing your mind is not doing anything you can to get you your dying child, being willing to go to extreme measures to try and save that child's life! Losing your mind is giving up on that child and trying to burn yourself and your son alive!"   
  
"Son?" one of the shriffs echoed.   
  
"Or daughter!" Pippin said. "Merry had not lost his mind, you have not **seen** a parent lose his mind when facing the plausible death of their child. But I have. I did not see that with Meriadoc, he was not even close. May I remind you all that Buckland now stands without a Master after you relieving him off his authority? Today a new Master will be appointed yet the former is still more than fit to run his office. Have you all forgotten Sharkey?"   
  
"The Shire was scoured decades ago" one youngster pointed out. "It is folly to believe that because Captain Merry saved us then he will still be fit to be Master now. Hobbits do not act out violently towards one another, Thain! Look at Bingo, look at the scar on his neck!"   
  
"That was me" Pippin pointed out.   
  
"Young Master Théo is ready" another Hobbit said. "He can take over. When Merry nearly died a few years ago he was made ready!"   
  
"So a youngster who knows nothing yet of life and troubles shall be Master while his competent predecessor is wasted on managing crops and breeding ponies for the rest of his life? Théo is not yet ready, I see him every day, I know." Pippin began striding back and forth again. "This is one nice mess you have gotten us into. I'm ashamed of you all!"   
  
The Hobbits sitting by the table hung their heads in shame as Pippin continued to talk. He noticed that they listened to him in a different way now than they had before. His manoeuvre with the blade had made them fear him a bit. He had not wanted to go to such lengths but now that he had he was going to make the most out of it. He would make sure they all respected his authority enough to from this moment on never directly disobey him again. He glanced at the clock on the wall. The meeting would have to end soon, it was almost time for the new Master to be appointed.   
  
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Sam had not seen so many Hobbits in one place since the Scouring. The town square in Michel Delving was jam-packed with Hobbits who had come from all farthings of the Shire. Everybody seemed to wish to take part in this happening. Sam however wished he didn't have to. It was with a heavy heart that he prepared to officially announce that Meriadoc son of Saradoc no longer held the title Master of Buckland.   
  
Merry was there with him, clad in his Rohirric armour and his cape. Sam had left his Elf cape at home, it didn't seem him fitting to wear it to such an occasion. He didn't understand at first why Merry had dressed up but his friend had explained it to him. If Théodoc was to take over Merry wanted to do it formally and honour his son.   
  
Little Lúthien was in Merry's arms, more asleep than awake, her head resting on his shoulder and her arms hanging loosely around his neck. Her legs hung limp underneath her. She had survived just barely and for several days she had floated between life and death. Now she was extremely weak and could not stand up on her own, or barely sit. She was disoriented and had problems with language. Rarely she spoke, saying only a few words when she did, and she showed no interest in the things she had loved before she had fallen ill. Still she was improving. She was no longer unable to hold her head up and could sit on her own for a few minutes. Most of all she resembled a young child who had not yet learned to sit, walk and talk. But she could learn again.   
  
"Are you ready for this?" Sam asked Merry and took a deep breath to brace himself.   
  
"As ready as I'll ever be" Merry said. "Someone has to take Lúthie."   
  
"Let me" Éowyn offered and lifted her sister into her own arms. Lúthien didn't protest, she seemed unaware of having been moved at all.   
  
"Here we go then" Sam said and took another deep breath.   
  
He hurried up on the small stage in the corner of the Town Square and immediately everyone silenced. Deciding that it was best to get it over with as soon as possible Sam began to address the reason they had all joined.   
  
"As you probably know…" he began. "Circumstances that arose during the time in which the Fever was among us has led to a change."   
  
Théodoc sat down on a large rock and hid his face in his hands as Sam continued to speak. He was near panic, he was anything but ready to become the new Master. He glanced over at his father's cousin Berilac and hoped he would be appointed his guardian during the upcoming years, prolonging it a bit. He couldn't believe how quickly things had been turned on their head, his father was alive and well and should by all rights still be the Master. Théo felt ready to faint.   
  
Merry slowly stepped up on the stage and stood behind Sam as his friend continued to recap what had happened and explain the consequences. Nothing was said of how things had been at Crickhollow or the things Merry had accomplished as Master in the past. None of that was relevant. He had been relieved of his command under claims of being mentally unfit and whatever his past actions were they were irrelevant.   
  
Sam was just about to address the different options they had now as to who would be the new Master when the gathered shriffs interrupted him. They had just left the tavern room where they had held their meeting and since people parted for them when they needed to get through they had made their way up to the stage. Pippin was not with them. The shriffs fell down on one knee and the spear holder spoke.   
  
"Mayor Samwise, the shriffs have something to say."   
  
"By all means" Sam said.   
  
"We wish to offer our support for Captain Meriadoc."   
  
"But you were the ones who relieve him off command" Sam said.   
  
"Perhaps" the spear holder said. "Mayor Samwise we have held meeting since daybreak, discussions have gone back and forth, now we have reached an agreement. The shriffs will support Captain Meriadoc and ask him to forgive us for taking his titles away from him."   
  
Sam gave Merry a bewildered look and Merry responded by raising his eyebrows. He had no better clue than Sam as to what was going on. But what difference did it make now?   
  
"I thank you, second lieutenant of the shriffs" he said in response. "What you can do for me is to give that support to my son if he is to succeed me."   
  
Far back in the crowd, right outside the tavern, Pippin stood casually leaned against a barrel. The shriffs were on their side now, but it had taken a lot of effort and discussion. They could not give Merry his Mastership back but it was important to Pippin that they supported him. Around him people started to talk amongst themselves when nothing further was said up on stage. Whispers went back and forth at the new development, which would not lead to any changes anyway. Pippin felt they were wasting their breaths but it was up to Sam to quiet the crowd.   
  
Then everyone quieted on their own as Aramac got up on the stage with Lúthien in his arms. He looked quite small compared to his father and seemed a bit uncertain of how to handle the attention he was suddenly given, but the sixteen-year-old had gotten up there for a reason.   
  
"This is my sister" he said and lifted Lúthien up a bit. "She is weak. But she is alive. One of the reasons stated as to why my father must be relieved of his office and command is that he took off to Brandy Hall with the last of the Healing Herbs and left a ten-year-old lass to die. My sister is ten. Two lives were at stake that night, my sisters and Fern Delvering's. All of you here think my father should no longer be Master because he chose to save my sister." He lifted Lúthien up slightly again. "This is the lass you all think should be dead. Full of life she is, when she is not ill like this. She loves to run through the fields, she loves to play with the farm animals, she loves to help her mother out with household chores. She loves stories and songs. She loves life. But you all wish she were dead now instead of Fern Delvering. I just wanted you all to know who my sister is before you pass out such judgement. Never let it be said that my father is unfit for having saved his daughter's life, if you cannot care for those closest to you then you will never be able to care for an entire town. My sister is alive still… I just wanted you to see her. Those of you who did not know Fern Delvering, what is it about my sister that makes you wish she were the dead one?"   
  
Nobody said anything and Aramac glanced nervously at his father and uncle Sam. Neither of them could believe what Aramac had just said and done but they did not hold it against him. Everybody seemed to have forgotten that Fern's life was sacrificed for another to live, now Aramac had reminded them of that.   
  
Lúthien lifted her head slightly and looked at Merry.   
  
"Da…" she said.   
  
Merry gently lifted her over to his own arms and then looked at Sam.   
  
"Get this over with" he commanded.   
  
"A new Master has to be appointed" Sam said with sadness. "That is why we have all gathered here today. We…" He shook his head and then looked over at Théodoc who seemed ready to be sick. He was not yet ready and everyone close to him knew it. "As tradition calls for, the title and all its responsibilities and authorities shall pass to the firstborn son."   
  
"Are you ready to be Master?" a voice from the crowd asked Aramac.   
  
"I'm not the firstborn son" Aramac replied. "I have an older brother."   
  
"Well where is he?"   
  
"Mayor Samwise!" a lass in the crowd said. "Young Master Brandybuck is still a teenager. Master Berilac, who had held office in Master Merry's absence, did not manage as well as the real Master. I remember the Scouring very well, Mayor Samwise. I remember what you all did for us. Looking at Master Merry's daughter I feel ashamed. We have taken his authority and birthright from him as punishment for looking after his own. The shriffs have declared they are on his side, the rest of us should be too."   
  
"The Mayor is on his side too" Sam said.   
  
"We ought to give Master Merry another chance" the lass said. "I say we give him back the Mastership of Buckland. There is no better solution."   
  
"Here, here!" someone cried through the wild discussions that broke out in the crowd.   
  
"Silence!" Sam demanded and got it. "I support that suggestion. The Thain, wherever he is, has declared his support as well through the shriffs. Those of you who see no reason why Meriadoc son of Saradoc cannot be given his titles back, raise your hand in the air."   
  
A number of hands went into the air but it was clear that most hands remained down. Sam nodded.   
  
"Very well then. As it is really my authority and the Thain's which makes the decision in this matter Thain Peregrin and I hereby declare it official. Meriadoc, you are Master of the Hall again. Théodoc will remain your heir until the day comes when old age, some unfortune or any strong enough reason arises that will make him Master in your place. I hereby declare this meeting over."   
  
Ignoring the loud cries of all kinds coming from the crowd Sam walked off the stage with Merry and Aramac in tow. One of the shriffs came up and lifted Lúthien from Merry's arms, pushing him into the group of shriffs waiting for him. Merry walked in the middle of them through the crowds, shielded from both friendly and unfriendly comments from the people, until they reached the tavern. The shriffs dispersed and bowed to Merry whose eyes met Pippin's. Pippin had remained by his barrel during the meeting and was the one who had cried out 'here, here'. Sam had heard him and accepted it as his official consent.   
  
Pippin grinned at his cousin, relieved that everything had worked out. The trial was over. The two cousins looked at each other, one grinning, the other serious. The Thain and the re-appointed Master. "I have you to thank" Merry said. "I didn't handle the situation with Lúthien very well that night, did I?"   
  
"You were magnificent" Pippin grinned.   
  
Merry didn't answer. Everyone around them was observing them right now to see what would happen next. They expected an answer from Merry but didn't get one. He had nothing else to say. Merry bowed deeply to Pippin.   
  
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Thank you for reading! The Fever is a fictional disease, though based on actual ones. See you all next week, please leave a review! 


	22. 1450

**Author's Note**: I don't have much to say about this chapter really. I hope you'll enjoy it! The only thing I want to note perhaps is that I know nothing about farming! So if there are some oddities I've jotted down concerning farming then ignore it.  
  
**Disclaimer**: Same old, same old =)  
  
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"Da!"   
  
Lúthien's cries woke Merry in the middle of the night. He sat up in bed, rubbed his eyes and shared a look with Estella.   
  
"Is she having another nightmare?" Estella asked and got out of bed.   
  
"I think so" Merry said and grabbed his robe.   
  
Together they hurried to the old nursery across the hall where Lúthien had slept ever since she had survived the Fever. She felt safer there and it was easier for them to get to her soon when she woke up in the middle of the night with bad dreams. She often dreamed nightmares and had in many ways seemed to go back in the ages. She was acting much like when she had been five or six even though she was eleven by now. She had even gone back to calling Merry and Estella Da and Ma, something neither of the children had done past their third birthday except for on very secluded occasions. While her oldest siblings called their parents Sir and Mam, she still used the names she'd used as a little child.   
  
Merry kneeled down by her bedside and took her hand. Estella stood behind him and held up a candle to give them light.   
  
"It's okay" Merry said. "We're here. Did you dream something bad?"   
  
"No" Lúthien said. "I can't sleep."   
  
"Why not dear?" Estella asked.   
  
"There are ringwraiths in my room!"   
  
"Ringwraiths?" Estella echoed.   
  
"Darling…" Merry said gently. "What's a ringwraith?"   
  
"They are wraiths!" Lúthien said. "They are black and wear black robes and are very scary! They want to hurt me!"   
  
"Where did you hear that name?"   
  
"From you" Lúthien said. "In your sleep."   
  
"Did I say in my sleep that there are black wraiths who want to hurt you?" Merry asked, wondering what on earth he had said more in his sleep.   
  
"No" Lúthien said. "But I told Uncle Fatty about it and he told me what the Black Riders were and what they looked like!"   
  
Merry kept in a moan. That fool Fatty. He knew very well he was not supposed to talk to the children about things concerning the journey, especially things that could scare them. He smiled at Lúthien and pretended like the Black Riders were all make believe.   
  
"Darling…" he said. "There are no Black Riders. Ringwraiths don't exist."   
  
"Excuse me" Estella said and put the candle down on the nightstand. "I'll go get you something to drink Lúthie."   
  
She hurried out into the hallway and headed straight to Fatty's room. On her way she grabbed another candle and when she entered her brother's room she briskly shook him awake and pulled the covers off him.   
  
"Fatty! Wake up you sluggard!"   
  
"What?" Fatty moaned and opened his eyes.   
  
"You lazy, no-good Hobbit, wake up!"   
  
"I am really unappreciated around here" Fatty commented and glared at his sister. "What is going on Estella?"   
  
"I need you to tell me something, something important!"   
  
"Can't it wait till the morning?" Fatty asked and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Can I have my covers back?"   
  
"No, it can't wait" Estella said and sat down next to him with his covers thrown on the floor. "I need to know all about ringwraiths!"   
  
"**Now**? Estella, you don't talk about Black Riders in the dead of night!"   
  
"You have to!"   
  
Fatty looked at her and sighed. It was easier to just give in.   
  
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"So you promise there are no ringwraiths?" Lúthien said.   
  
"Yes" Merry said. "Word of honor."   
  
"But what if there are and you just don't know about it?"   
  
"If so then I will vanquish them with my sword if they dare go near you."   
  
"What's vanquish?"   
  
"It means I'll defeat them and they will leave the world forever."   
  
"Promise?"   
  
"I promise" Merry said and kissed her forehead. "Do you want me to leave the light with you so that nobody will be able to hide in the shadows?"   
  
"That's a good idea!"   
  
"Okay" Merry said and gave her a kiss goodnight. "Goodnight love."   
  
"Goodnight Da!"   
  
Merry left her to go to sleep and walked out in the hallway, wondering what had happened to Estella. He yawned big and decided to go back to bed without waiting for her. He was exhausted. It had been a long time since he had gotten to sleep through a night.   
  
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The next day Estella opened the door to Merry's study slightly and peered in. He was not there, as she had predicted. Hopefully he wouldn't be back for a while. She snuck inside and closed the door carefully behind her.   
  
She walked on her tiptoes over to Merry's desk. It was surprisingly clean, he never kept any papers on it unless he was going to work on them that same day. As carefully as she could she drew out a desk drawer and looked through it. She found nothing of interest and looked through the next. After a few drawers she found what she had been looking for. Merry's notes to the Red Book. He used to work on them every March, hiding himself in his study and refusing to talk to anyone for hours. She knew what the Red Book was about, and she knew she would find answers in his notes. Now she would know.   
  
She sat down by his desk and began looking through the eldest dated notes. They were dated to 1420, the year of the Scouring. To Estella's disappointment they were filled with notes from that event and didn't hold much information on what had happened earlier in the year. She found some notes on how Sharkey was the former White Wizard but wizards were boring and not something that interested her.   
  
She found notes dated to 1422 but again nothing of particular interest. Lots of notes on how different people were doing at the time but nothing of the War. She would not give up that easily. There had to be a lot of things in these notes that concerned the War. She needed to know what had happened and if Merry didn't want to tell her she would have to find out this way. This way he wouldn't have to know she knew, for she knew very well that he didn't want her to know. He said it was important to him to know that she was not haunted by things that had happened to him in the past. But she needed to know.   
  
Finally she found something of interest. Notes from a diary Merry had kept on and off during the travels with the Fellowship. She saw that they were dated to early January 1420 and nervously began to read. This was a great clue to what had really happened.   
  
She didn't hear the door open and she didn't notice the stream of light that fell into the room. But when Merry spoke after a few seconds she heard him.   
  
"What are you doing?" he asked firmly.   
  
She gasped and looked up, shocked at seeing him. He was not supposed to be back yet! She tried to hide the papers she had been looking at but realised at once that it was no use. He had already seen, and the papers were too many.   
  
"I… I just…" she stuttered. "You're back early!"   
  
Merry stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him. He walked up to the desk and gathered the papers while Estella rose and backed away. She could tell he was mad.   
  
"I'm sorry" she managed to say.   
  
Merry looked up at her with ice in his eyes.   
  
"Going through my desk? My personal papers?"   
  
"I…"  
  
"Many of the papers I have here are confidential, private!" he said, sounding calm but Estella knew he was furious on the inside. "Concerning other people! You have no right looking through my papers and my drawers!"   
  
"I was only--"  
  
"But you weren't looking at other people's files. You were looking through my diaries, were you not?" Merry asked and held up the diary she had been reading. "In what lifeless ice land did you think it was okay for you to look through these papers? Have I not said to you time and again, the War and the Journey are memories best kept to those who lived them? You know that very well! You deliberately disobeyed me!"   
  
"I'm sorry! I--"  
  
"Leave" Merry said. "I do not care what you have to say, for no excuses are good enough. There is nothing that can justify what you have done. You have violated my privacy, and is this only the first time?"   
  
"Yes!" Estella said. "Love I swear to you, I have never done this before!"   
  
"Why should I believe it?" Merry asked. "Why should I trust you now? Going behind my back like this, disobeying my direct wish! Snooping in my private life! Rummaging through my desk! Wakening memories more painful than you know!"   
  
"But I was only--"  
  
"Leave!" Merry commanded. "Find yourself somewhere else to sleep tonight, for in my bed you are not welcome. I do not wish to see you right now, is that clear? How could you violate my trust like this?"   
  
Estella opened her mouth to say something in her defense but closed it again. She was frightened by his reaction. He had not raised his voice even for a single syllable but there was more anger behind his words than she had ever heard in him before. She had never thought he'd find out what she did this day but he had caught her red handed. Now there was nowhere to hide.   
  
She hurried out of the room, leaving Merry alone with his papers. He quickly sorted through them and wondered how much she had read. Luckily he didn't keep any papers of any of the greater events in his desk, those papers were safely locked away. From now on he would have to lock his office at all times. He hated that. He wondered how many times before Estella had snuck in here and read through his personal papers. He wondered how she would be able to regain the trust she had just shattered.   
  
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Pippin looked up from his stool when he heard someone come and grinned at Merry. He was just finishing milking the second last cow and didn't mind a brief interruption. Merry leaned against a beam and frowned, crossing his arms.   
  
"What are you doing milking cows?" he asked.   
  
"Diamond's mad at me" Pippin explained. "She makes me do her chores when she's mad at me."   
  
"Why is she mad?"   
  
"Oh, nothing serious. Just you're average fall-out. Happens every now and then, and I always end up having to milk cows and fold the laundry."   
  
"Maybe that's an idea" Merry sighed. "Perhaps I should have Estella do my chores and let her shovel some manure or have sick people be sick **on** her."   
  
"Why, what are you mad at her for?" Pippin asked and rose from his stool with the milk-filled bucket. He grabbed the stool in his other hand and left the booth with Merry in tow.   
  
"Not just your average fall-out I'm afraid" Merry sighed.   
  
"Well what then?" Pippin asked and put the full bucket up on a shelf while grabbing an empty one to milk the last cow. Merry hesitated for a moment while Pippin placed his stool by the last cow and sat down.   
  
"I caught her looking through my notes and diaries from the Journey" he finally said.   
  
"What?" Pippin said slowly, shocked by the news.   
  
"She thought I was out for a while so she went to my study and went through my papers. I couldn't believe my eyes when I caught her!"   
  
"No" Pippin said, unable to believe it.   
  
"How could she do that, Pip?" Merry asked. "I've never asked much of her, but to respect my privacy should be a given! I would never look through her diaries or personal notes! No matter what, looking through those papers is not okay."   
  
"What did she find out Merry?" Pippin asked.   
  
"I don't know, I didn't ask. I don't think it's the first time she's read my papers, Pip."   
  
Pippin shook his head in disbelief and mechanically began milking the cow. He couldn't believe it. He hoped she hadn't gotten very far, he and Merry had made a decision long ago to keep their past to themselves and by now it had gotten to the point where Pippin didn't want anybody to find out. He didn't want to be treated in the Shire the same way he was treated in Minas Tirith, as if he was some mythological character who had come to life. He wanted to be the Pippin they knew him as, not the Pippin who was held captive by orcs and served insane stewards. His past was something he wished to keep in Gondor and with the Fellowship.   
  
"What are you going to do?" he asked after some silence.   
  
"I don't know what I can do" Merry sighed. "How can I trust her after this? Would you be able to trust Diamond?"   
  
"Not as far as I could throw her if she went through my things behind my back!" Pippin said. "Goodness… I would have expected that from Fatty perhaps, but not Estella."   
  
"It drives me crazy thinking about it" Merry said. "I don't know what to do. I locked the door to my office when I left, I guess I'll have to from now on. Locking doors in my own private halls! Who has ever heard of such a thing?"   
  
"But the past must be protected" Pippin said. "Lock it, I say! Keep it locked always. And you ask that wife of yours what she knows!"   
  
"I just cannot believe her!" Merry said. "She broke my trust, Pip! I've never distrusted her before, now I feel I cannot trust her at all! Who knows what else she's done behind my back?"   
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Pippin asked.   
  
"You can pray she found out nothing" Merry said. "How anyone can break their own spouse's trust I do not see! Husband and wife have to be able to trust each other completely, it just doesn't work otherwise. Now I don't trust her at all."   
  
"I'm really glad I'm not her right now" Pippin said and finished milking the last cow. "Did she give you any reason why she did it?"   
  
"No, and I did not ask. It doesn't matter what she has for a reason, whatever the matter was she should have come to me and not gone behind my back."   
  
"Does she ask a lot about the Journey?"   
  
"Yes" Merry said. "Well, every now and then… I have told her a thousand times, I do not wish to talk about it. What happened when I was younger is none of her concern, she did not know me well then. Will it change anything for the better if she was to know?"   
  
"Probably not" Pippin said. "After all… how could anyone understand? How could anyone who hasn't been there see and know why we did what we did? There's no way. So what good is it that they know? They'll only judge us, either that or they'll hold us up high and think of us as greater heroes than we ever were. Nobody will think the same of us afterward, that's for sure. I don't want that, I like things the way they are."   
  
"So do I" Merry said. "I don't want her looking at me knowing where the scar on my brow came from. I don't want her to know why my arm hurts in March. If I wanted her to know I would have told her a long time ago."   
  
Pippin sighed and rose from his stool.   
  
"So what now? What are you going to say to her when you see her?"   
  
"I'm not sure" Merry said. "What would you say?"   
  
"Probably something that would make me end up milking cows everyday for a month" Pippin said and grabbed the bucket.   
  
"Estella has no right being mad" Merry said and followed Pippin to get the other buckets. "I will not let her talk me over on this one."   
  
"The Smials is open for you if you need some time away" Pippin said and handed Merry two full buckets.   
  
"Thank you" Merry said. "But it is not I who should be running off. I told her not to come to our bedroom tonight, to find a bed somewhere else. I don't want to be near her right now, I most definitely don't want to sleep next to someone I do not trust."   
  
"I don't think she's realised what she's done" Pippin said and walked with Merry in tow to the dairy room. "Those Bolgers never think! Careful, you know your children are half Bolger!"   
  
"The children know to think things through before they act" Merry said. "Though lord knows Cody and Lúthie forget it half the time. But things will not be very pleasant at Brandy Hall for a while now. It will take time for this to blow over."   
  
"I just can't believe it…" Pippin said and shook his head in disbelief. "That she would do such a thing!"   
  
"I know" Merry said. "I cannot believe it either."   
  
He took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He had never felt so betrayed in his life, never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that she would do such a thing. No matter how much she wanted to know something he would have thought she would come to him first. But he had been wrong.   
  
"If she's found out something big…" Pippin said "I will have to tell Diamond."   
  
"Let us hope she hasn't put you in that position" Merry said. "I can only hope she realises what she has done. And pray that she will never do it again."   
  
"For all our sakes I hope she won't" Pippin said.   
  
Merry nodded. He truly hoped that if she had found something out she had kept it to herself. He knew how lasses would gossip when they had their sowing circles. If she said anything to anyone all the Shire would know it before long.   
  
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When Merry returned to Brandy Hall Pippin went inside the Smials and found Diamond sowing a shirt for Faramir in their sitting room. Looking at her he completely forgot that they had been fighting earlier, all he could think of was how lucky he was to have her. She had never done anything but help him and support him, even when he had not been there for her. And she had always respected his desire to keep his past a secret.   
  
She looked up and saw him, with a slight frown on her face.   
  
"So there you are. Milking the cows takes all day, does it?"   
  
"Have I ever told you how lucky I am to have you?" Pippin asked.   
  
"What?"   
  
"I really don't say it often enough… You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm glad Merry stole Estella away, good riddance!"   
  
"Are you feeling all right?" Diamond asked.   
  
"I don't know" Pippin said. "But Dimesy… Honestly… I am so very lucky to have you. And to know that I can trust you, with anything at all!"   
  
"Of course you can trust me" Diamond said and put the shirt aside. "Why wouldn't you be able to trust me?"   
  
"Sometimes you can't trust those you've believed in" Pippin said. "I just… want to thank you. For being you. And for always being there for me. I love you so much Diamond, I hope I tell you that enough!"   
  
"Almost every night" she remarked.   
  
"I hope I say it when we're out of bed as well. Do you know how fine you are to me?"   
  
Diamond shook her head with a slight smile and rose from her chair. She put her sowing gear down and walked up to him slowly.   
  
"You're the gemstone of my life. You make every morning good, every day happy and every night pleasant."   
  
"And what else?" she asked.   
  
"You're just you, that's all" Pippin said. "I trust you with my life. I know you will never break my confidence or go behind my back. I cannot believe how lucky I've been to find you."   
  
"Right…" she said and stopped before him.   
  
"Sometimes…" Pippin said, half-musing. "Sometimes I feel like you are my reward, the reward for all the toil I saw earlier in my life."   
  
"Alright" she said and put her hands around his waist. She leaned closer and kissed him. "You're forgiven."   
  
"I really mean it" Pippin said, having completely forgotten that she was supposed to be mad at him. "You really are all those things to me. And I don't say it enough, I fear I don't appreciate it as much as I ought to. You deserve everything that's good in this world."   
  
"You know something?" she asked. "You said to me once that your Journey was to save the world and all that's good in it. So haven't you given all that is good in this world to me already, before we even met?"   
  
"That's not the same thing."   
  
"Oh yes it is" Diamond said. "To me it is. And although you charm your way out of trouble far too easily not a day goes by that I'm not thankful I have you."   
  
"I certainly drew the longer stick out of us two" Pippin said.   
  
"No you didn't" Diamond said and kissed him again. "Don't talk of my husband that way, or I'll hurt you."   
  
"I really meant what I said about Estella too" Pippin said and rubbed his nose against Diamond's. "Sometimes I wonder why I even loved her."   
  
"Oh she's not that bad" Diamond said teasingly. "She was good enough for you to kiss a few years back…"  
  
That broke the magic of the moment. Pippin sighed and broke from her embrace.   
  
"Must we talk about that? Can't we ever just forget it?"   
  
"I was only teasing…"  
  
"You make one mistake and you hear about it forever!"   
  
"Pippin, I was just teasing! Don't get mad!"   
  
"You know something?" Pippin said. "The cows need to be fed. **You** do it."   
  
She stared after him with a gaping mouth as he left for his study. She couldn't figure out what in the world had gotten into him all of a sudden. But she had to admit she found it slightly amusing that he had ordered her to do his chores just as she had ordered him to do hers earlier in the day. With a smile she headed out to the barn to feed the cows.   
  
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Halfway through dinner the children began to notice that their parents hadn't spoken as much as a word to one another. Merry was staring at his meal and eating it mechanically, Estella was avoiding to look at him and her cheeks blushed with shame. The children shared looks with each other, wondering what was going on.   
  
"So…" Cordy finally said. "It seems like summer is going to be hot this year. Can we go out on the boat whenever we don't have chores to do?"   
  
No answer came. Cordy shared a look with the others.   
  
"I would love going out on the boat" Aramac said after some hesitation. "Especially on the really hot summer days… It gets a little breezier out on the river, even if it isn't much."   
  
Still nothing from the adults. Aramac raised an eyebrow and wondered what was really going on. He rose from the table and went to get some more food. Éowyn followed, and Aramac took the opportunity to whisper to her while they filled their plates.   
  
"What is going on?" he asked her.   
  
"I don't know" Éowyn said.   
  
"Well you talk to Father, you'll get a reply from him."   
  
"He looks angry, I don't want to" Éowyn complained.   
  
"Please Éowyn, you're the oldest and you're his favourite!"   
  
"Father doesn't have favorites."   
  
"Just talk" Aramac said and went back to his seat. "Wonderful meal, Mam" he said as he sat down.   
  
"You say 'thank you' when somebody compliments your cooking" Lúthien reminded her mother when Estella didn't answer.   
  
Obediently Estella forced a smile and nodded slightly at Aramac.   
  
"Can't I go out on the boat too this year?" Lucky asked.   
  
"No!" Estella said with feeling. "You'll get sick."   
  
"I knew there was something that would make you speak" Lucky dryly commented and sulked. He never got to go into the water, his mother worried too much over his health.   
  
"Father…" Éowyn said gently as she sat down on her seat. "You're not eating much. Is everything alright?" No answer came. "Sir?"   
  
"I'm not hungry" Merry said and rose from his chair.   
  
When he left the room Estella threw down her napkin, moved her chair out and rose with a determined look on her face. Angrily she strode after Merry with not as much as a word to the surprised children, who shared a look once both parents had left the room. They were not used to seeing them fight, they usually tried not to fight in front of the children. Lúthien began to cry. Since her Fever she had been very sensitive. Éowyn went over to her and lifted her up in her arms, looking at her brothers with a worried frown.   
  
"What was all that about?" Théo finally asked, putting words to what they were all wondering.   
  
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Estella followed Merry into the nearest sitting room and closed the door hard behind her. He turned to face her and crossed his arms, quite displeased that she had followed him.   
  
"I don't care how mad you are, did you have to do that in front of the children?" she angrily asked.   
  
"You sure made it worse by following me!" Merry said.   
  
"Let's talk this through and then be done with it" Estella said. "I looked at your papers, I am **sorry**. I swear I won't do it again."   
  
"That is not good enough" Merry said. "Do you think this is all just going to blow over in an afternoon? Goodness Estella, do you not know what you have **done**? You have completely violated my trust! How can I ever trust you again?"   
  
"I made a **mistake**."   
  
"A mistake is something you do without thinking it through" Merry objected. "Sneaking into my study and going through my papers is not something you just **do**. You planned that."   
  
"I had to know!" Estella cried. "I cannot live with this uncertainty any longer! It hurts me so to know that there is a part of you that I will never share!"   
  
"What difference does it make?" Merry angrily asked. "That was before I got to know you! You've never known any other me than me on the other side of the Journey!"   
  
"That Journey shaped who you are and what you believe in!" Estella said. "It is the single most important year of your life, I know that even though I know but nothing of what happened! It was more important than the year we wed or the years we had our children! You would not be you had it not been for that year, how can you not understand that I need to know what it was that happened and what turned you into you?"   
  
"I have specifically told you time and again that I do not **want** you to know."   
  
"Maybe that isn't your decision to make, we're living this life together. That year is driving a wedge between us!"   
  
"Only because you're letting it!"   
  
"No" Estella said. "Because it is so important to you and it's a part of you I'll never know and never share with you! It's like living with a stranger!"   
  
"If you don't know me by now then you never will, no matter what you learn about that year" Merry said firmly.   
  
"If I had an important, pivotal happening in my past, would you not want to know about it?" she asked.   
  
"I would. But if you told me you didn't want to tell me I would not go behind your back to find it out! I respect you more than that!"   
  
"But you don't respect me enough to let me share all of your life. Do you not know that you're still haunted by what happened during your Journey? You have nightmares almost every night but you can't remember them in the mornings! You wake me up with your screams and sobs! Why won't you let me in, let me see what it is you so desperately feel you need to hide? Those nightmares scare me, and I don't know what to do to help you through them! Why won't you share the burden with me?"   
  
"You do not **want** to know what happened that year!" Merry said. "What good will come of us **both** having nightmares? One of the reasons I keep you in the dark is for your own protection. If you want to help me through my nightmares then you need to support me, not go behind my back! How am I ever to trust you again?"   
  
"When have I ever gone behind your back in the past?"   
  
"I don't know! And I suppose I never will! But I'll never know you won't do it again either!"   
  
"I only did it because--"  
  
"Who cares why you did it?" Merry asked. "You were wrong and if you think I'll forgive you just like that then you are sadly mistaken."   
  
"Merry, I--"  
  
"Now you need to answer me something! What did you read?"   
  
"Why should I tell you when you will not tell me of your past?"   
  
"If you do not tell me then how can you expect me to ever trust you again?"   
  
"I didn't read anything special!" Estella said. "You were just out walking! Honest!"   
  
"That had better be the full truth" Merry said. "Gosh, do you realise that I just don't trust you now? Trust is such a fragile thing and you will now have to build it up entirely from the start! How could you violate my trust like that?"   
  
"I didn't mean for it to be this way!"   
  
"No matter whether or not I found out you would still have broken my trust" Merry said. "A husband needs to be able to trust his wife! I don't know what I will do now that I no longer trust you, it just can't work that way!"   
  
"What do you plan on doing then?" Estella asked. "I regret it bitterly darling, but I can't make it undone!"   
  
"Don't darling me" Merry said. "I don't know what I will do. Stay away from me for a while, I need time to think! This is going to be a very long year Estella…"  
  
"Why can't you just understand?" Estella said softly and sunk down in an armchair. "It's tearing me up inside that I will never get to know you fully, never get to share those experiences with you. Do you not know that when you love somebody you want to know all there is to know about them, and being kept in the dark about the biggest events in that person's life is a constant pain? What could possibly have been so horrid that you cannot tell me?"   
  
"What is wrong with you Estella, even now you cannot let it go!" Merry said.   
  
He walked up to her and placed his hands on the armrests of the chair, leaning over her with the most intense and angry look she had ever seen in his face. She recoiled, frightened by him in this moment.   
  
"Do you want to know? Do you really want to know what gave me that scar you're always fingering? Do you really wish to hear about starvation, weariness, pain? Do you want to hear how I hurt my arm? Or perhaps what it's like to have the most rancid brew forced down your throat, being forced to run with whips licking your heels, or being paralyzed by the worst evil you could ever imagine?"   
  
Estella stared at him, afraid of what he might do.   
  
"Leave me be" she whispered.   
  
"I didn't think so either" Merry scoffed and pulled back.   
  
Not giving her as much as another glance he left the room. Estella shivered in her chair, tears falling down her face. She could barely remember what he had just said to her, she had been too frightened. She had never seen him like that before.   
  
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That evening Éowyn knocked on the door to her parents' bedroom and went inside. Her mother was not there, her father was stretched out on the bed in his robe, reading a book. He looked up when she entered and put the book aside.   
  
"You should be asleep" he remarked.   
  
"Where is Mother?" Éowyn asked.   
  
"She's sleeping in another bedroom this night" Merry said. "I'm not sure which. Is it urgent?"   
  
"No…" Éowyn said and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. "I was just surprised not to find her here, that's all."   
  
"What are you doing up?"   
  
"I had trouble sleeping" Éowyn said and walked over to the bed, sitting down on her mother's side. She curled up her legs underneath her and pulled her robe tighter. "Why is Mother not sleeping here tonight? Is it because you had a fight?"   
  
"Yes" Merry said. "It's complicated, apple cheeks."   
  
"Is it anything serious?"   
  
"Don't you worry" Merry said and put his book aside. "This, too, will pass."   
  
"I'm just not used to it" Éowyn said. "I guess it scared me a little. What happened?"   
  
"She did something that betrayed my trust" Merry said, unwilling to lie to his child. "I need to not be around her for a while."   
  
"Why did she do that?"   
  
"She was fed-up, I guess…" Merry said. "She hates being kept in the dark about my past. But it doesn't justify what she did."   
  
"Right…" Éowyn said. "Now that you mention it, you never have told us much about your past, have you?"   
  
"No" Merry said. "That I haven't."   
  
"Funny I haven't realised it before…"  
  
"You haven't?" Merry asked.   
  
"It's never been something I've thought about" Éowyn said. "Lots of things happened before I was born, I don't know much of what Mother was up to before I came along either."   
  
"Your mother pretty much stayed home and helped her parents" Merry said. "Things were quite different for me."   
  
"You had adventures" Éowyn said with a smile. "And you met the Lady Éowyn!"   
  
"Does it bother you not knowing what happened during my Journey?" Merry asked, curious as to whether or not Estella was the only one in the family.   
  
"No" Éowyn said. "It doesn't make a difference to me. I'll love you just the same no matter what you did back then."   
  
"It's a good thing I have you" Merry said with a smile. "Now you shouldn't be up at this hour, young lady! If you get all your chores done by afternoon tea I promise you I'll take some time off and go out riding with you and Aestas."   
  
"Really?" Éowyn said, giving him her widest smile.   
  
"Yes. I promise. Now run along to bed and get some sleep!"   
  
She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, then jumped down on the floor and hurried off to her own bedroom. Merry watched her go and then picked up his book again. Talking to her had calmed him down a bit. At least the children didn't seem to be bothered by not knowing what had happened in his past.   
  
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"Do we have to do this now?" Faramir complained. "**Harvesting** is almost finished, why bother with preparations for next year's **sowing**?"   
  
"If you prepare the ground in fall it will be easier to plough and harrow in spring" Pippin told him and handed him a pickaxe. "Aerating the soil now will save us trouble in spring. Come now, one day you're going to be in charge of all this so you'd better learn how to do it."   
  
"Don't whine so much" Diamond added. "Do as you're told!"   
  
Faramir reluctantly took the pickaxe and studied it with little interest. For twenty years he had never done any harder chores around the farm, most of the time he had managed to convince his father to let him heard the sheep instead of help out in the fields. But now he couldn't escape any longer. He knew the Thain had to farm the lands around the Smials and that his ancestors had done so for centuries, but he wasn't particularly interested in it. He wanted to be young and free just for another twenty years or so before he began taking on heavier duties.   
  
"Faramir, are you paying attention?" Pippin asked. "Now this is very easy, just do like this…"  
  
Faramir half-heartedly imitated his father's actions and thought to himself that farming was really dull. But he knew better than to complain.   
  
"There you go" Pippin said. "That wasn't so difficult, now was it? A year from now we'll be harvesting rye and oats from these fields too. No more wild grass growing here!"   
  
"I like wild grass" Faramir objected.   
  
"But it doesn't put food on your plate" Diamond pointed out.   
  
"I wasn't very fond of farming either when I was younger" Pippin told him. "In fact I managed to avoid having to do much farm work until I came of age. But don't think you'll be as lucky, young lad. And if it makes you feel any better, now I love farming! It's in your blood whether you want it to be or not."   
  
"Uncle Merry says it's dangerous to have things in your blood."   
  
"Don't get smart with your father" Diamond exhorted.   
  
Faramir kept in a sigh and continued hacking the ground with little enthusiasm. Pippin however refused to get put down by his son's pouty mood.   
  
"I remember when you were very little" he said. "Mother would finish her indoor chores and then put you in a basket and take you with her outside. She'd sit down next to the fields where I worked and relax, the three of us sharing some time together. I wish we had a big basket we could put you in now."   
  
"I'd rather not" Faramir said and raised an eyebrow.   
  
Suddenly Pippin threw his pickaxe to the ground and ran past Faramir in a hurry. Faramir nearly dropped his own axe on his foot and saw the confused look in his mother's eyes before he turned around to see what was going on. His pickaxe fell to the ground just centimeters from his right foot and his jaw fell with it.   
  
Coming towards the fields were two riders on a horse, one an Elf and the other a Dwarf. The Elf had a hand raised in greeting and Pippin was waving his arms so much that the horse staggered a bit. The Elf stopped the beast and Pippin reached them.   
  
"What do my eyes behold?" Pippin cried to his old friends. "Friends of old, visiting the Shire? What brought on this joyous occasion and why did you not send word and alert me to your arrival? Did your journey go well?"   
  
"If you could hold your inquisitive tongue for just one moment young Hobbit, I will inform you that we are here to congratulate you on your 60th birthday!" Gimli said. "The date we missed by nearly six months but the surprise visit could not be conducted at the time of your actual birthday because there were some problems at the Glittering Caves. Nothing to be alarmed about, everything is fine now."   
  
Legolas extended a hand to Pippin, who took it and was lifted up on the horse. He threw his arms around Legolas and tried to hug Gimli at the same time but his arms were too short to reach around them both.   
  
"Who cares about the dates?" Pippin asked. "This was the best surprise of all! And I don't even have any gifts for you!"   
  
"Hobbit custom" Gimli explained to Legolas.   
  
"How long will you be staying?" Pippin asked. "You must stay for the Harvest Feast, we're holding it in three days! Oh, and stay for my son's birthday! He will be twenty this year! It's only a few more weeks!"   
  
"Gladly we shall stay" Legolas said. "I have never seen the Shire. It would much please me to explore these lands!"   
  
"We can go hiking!" Pippin cried. "The three of us and Merry and Sam! Just like old times!"   
  
While Pippin continued talking Legolas got the horse moving again and they approached Diamond and Faramir who stood where Pippin had left them. When they reached the fields Pippin paused his endless line of questions and suggestions and jumped down on the ground.   
  
"This is my family!" he declared, as much to Diamond and Faramir as to Legolas and Gimli.   
  
"Pippin!" Diamond said. "On a tall horse with not so much as a felt?"   
  
"My wife Diamond" Pippin said to Legolas and Gimli. "She worries over all the things I do since I never have the sense to do so myself. Darling, this is Gimli son of Gloin and Legolas of Mirkwood. Or shall I say Legolas of Ithilien?"   
  
Diamond bowed as Gimli got down on the ground, happy to be off the horse. He walked up to Faramir.   
  
"And you young master" he said. "You must be Faramir. You couldn't be anyone else with that appearance."   
  
Faramir bowed deeply and Gimli did the same. Legolas jumped off his horse and nodded his head to the Hobbits.   
  
"Now I've seen a son of yours and a son of Merry's. Perhaps I can even see a son of Sam's before we leave."   
  
"He has a few to choose from" Pippin said. "You'll get to meet one of them, or two or three. Now come on, we have to find a room for you at the Smials! Gimli won't be a problem but you're a bit tall, Legolas! You might have to stay at Brandy Hall!"   
  
Pippin continued talking as he lead his friends inside. The horse was left unattended, Legolas knew he only had to whistle for the horse to return so it didn't matter if he wandered off. Faramir looked at his mother as the three friends hurried off.   
  
"Does this mean I don't have to prepare the soil anymore?" he asked.   
  
"It means you're doing your father's share as well" Diamond said. "Now hurry up Faramir, or you won't be done before dinner!"   
  
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"I will only be a minute longer!" Pippin said and looked up from his papers. "Then I'm ready to leave the Smials behind and live the outdoor life for a week!"   
  
Legolas sat down on the floor since that was more comfortable than standing crouched, and Gimli sat down in a chair. They were packed and ready to hike through the Shire for a week, Sam and Merry had both arrived and all they were waiting for was Pippin. He was busy finishing as much work as he could before they left, this was usually a high work season for the Thain, but he had decided that nothing was so important that it could not wait a week or be done by someone else. Still he wanted to finish as much as he could before he left.   
  
"What are you doing anyway?" Gimli asked, not used to seeing Pippin working.   
  
"The week after the Harvest Feast is when tax season begins" Pippin explained. "See, every family has to pay a certain amount in goods, and some in money. How much depends on how many they are in the family and how their income has been. If they got a little harvest they don't have to pay as much as if they got a large one. I collect all taxes in the Shire, except for the Marish and Buckland for they have had theirs collected by the Master for ages, since Buckland wasn't part of the Shire until a decade ago. I then distribute the taxes in whatever way I see fit. Money goes to repairing the Smials if needed, and to public buildings and things like that. Food, cloth, tools and those kind of taxes I give out as needed. Families who for example are running low on their food supplies during winter get a share of the tax food. It's not so complicated really, once you've figured it out."   
  
"Sounds boring to me" Gimli said and yawned.   
  
"It's a lot of work though" Pippin said. "I'm almost finished determining what family pays how much so that I can leave the collecting over to the shriffs. I normally do most of that myself but they'll have to do it now that I'll be gone for a week. Dimesy claims I work too hard anyway, she thinks it's good I make those lazy sluggards work for once. She says it's not natural for a Hobbit to work too much."   
  
"You have used that excuse for as long as I've known you" Gimli said. "Seems like you've finally ignored listening to it yourself."   
  
"Perhaps we should let you finish working in peace" Legolas said and glared at Gimli. "You will finish much faster that way."   
  
"No, I'm done now!" Pippin said and put his pen down. "All I have to do is make sure the lieutenant of the shriffs gets this." He rose from his chair. "So Merry and Sam are here and ready to leave? Great, send them to the kitchen for extra supplies while I get this to the shriffs."   
  
"Not much has changed" Legolas said with a smile. "Food still comes first."   
  
"A Hobbit's got to do what a Hobbit's got to do" Pippin said. "And right now I need to eat! I haven't had a meal in two hours!"   
  
"I had forgotten how often you ate…" Gimli sighed.   
  
Pippin smiled at him and hurried off with his papers. Once they were off his hands he went outside and found the others waiting for him. Sam handed him his walking stick and Pippin lifted his backpack.   
  
"My word!" he said. "What did you pack in this, it was not this heavy this morning!"   
  
"You asked for extra food" Sam said.   
  
"Why aren't you riding?" Faramir asked, coming from the stables.   
  
"We didn't have ponies when we traveled before" Sam said. "Only Bill… And not all of us could ride Bill, even though I'm sure he would have tried to carry us all if we asked him to!"   
  
"We travel better on foot" Legolas said. "Now shall we get going? I long to walk the paths through the forest that the Elves take when they head to the Grey Havens."   
  
"You don't have seagulls here, do you?" Gimli asked the Hobbits with a worried look on his face.   
  
"No" Pippin said. "We're not that close to the water. Now let's get a move on before I change my mind and decide to leave half this food behind! Such a disaster must be avoided at all cost."   
  
Taking up a song he began wandering down the path leading to Hobbiton and the others followed. Faramir watched them go and wished he could go with them. He had begged his father for days to let him come along but he had gotten no for an answer each time. They wanted to be alone, not to have people with them. Watching them go Faramir tried to picture what it had looked like when all nine members of the Fellowship were traveling together. He tried to picture what Frodo Baggins had looked like, or Gandalf the Wizard. He remembered Aragorn vaguely, and when he pictured Boromir he saw Faramir instead. It must have been a really queer sight all those years ago, the motley group of nine traveling together. It was a queer sight now too, even though there were only five of them and four were of races who had been in the Shire for a long time.   
  
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Eight days later the company left their last nightly camp and began walking toward Brandy Hall where they would spend the night. Sam longed for a nice, warm bed and Pippin could not stop talking about Estella's mushroom stew which they had been promised upon their return. Legolas didn't say much that wasn't about the nature they passed through and Gimli mostly seemed to long back to Hobbiton, where his father had been a frequent guest back when Gimli was a young dwarf of seventy or so.   
  
"I think we can all sum it up by saying it will be nice to get a roof over our heads, even though it's lovely to be out hiking" Merry said as they got on the Bucklebury Ferry. "I for one long mostly for a nice pint of ale."   
  
"We should have stopped by more inns than just the Green Dragon" Pippin said. "Now that you mention it Merry I would love a pint too!"   
  
"Ale and mushroom stew?" Legolas said. "That sounds like an odd combination."   
  
"On the contrary" Sam said. "Only the finest beverages go with mushrooms!"   
  
"I have yet to taste the Shire wine!" Legolas said. "Perhaps I could have a bottle of such while the rest of you drink your ale?"   
  
"I have some really fine wine in the Brandy Hall wine cellar!" Merry cried as they crossed the Brandywine. "I think I'll treat you to a bottle from my father's old vineyard! The last bottle he produced before the Shire was overrun in the year of the War, that sounds appropriate!"   
  
"Can I have both wine and ale?" Pippin asked.   
  
"Was this the ferry you crossed the river with when you went on the Journey?" Gimli asked to move the subject away from wine and food.   
  
"Indeed it was" Merry said. "My friends thought I was a ringwraith that night."   
  
"You were dark and cloaked!" Sam defended himself.   
  
"And surely not even close to as tall as a wraith" Merry said.   
  
"That night too we were heading for mushrooms and wine" Pippin said. "Not to mention a nice, hot bath! Do you think we can have that at Brandy Hall Merry?"   
  
"Of course, you silly Took!" Merry said and leaped off the ferry on to the docking to tie it up. "I'll have Théo and Aramac draw us baths the moment we arrive."   
  
"Great!" Pippin grinned and skipped up on land. "Your wife's mushroom stew deserves to be eaten while in a clean state!"   
  
Merry nodded but didn't say anything. A few months had passed now since she had looked through his papers and things were still bad between them. Merry didn't trust her and she was mad at him for not having more faith in her. They were sleeping in the same bed at night but mostly with their backs turned to one another and never sharing as much as a kiss before they went to sleep. Merry had much enjoyed his week out in nature with his friends, away from Estella and the Hall. Now he didn't wish to go back home.   
  
"Oh don't look so grumpy, Merry" Sam said as they began walking towards Brandy Hall. "You'll feel much better once you get some food!"   
  
"I'm more tired than hungry" Merry said. "But most of all I long for that bath! Lúthien is not going to want to go near me, she likes things as clean as possible!"   
  
"How was it that you named your daughter after an Elf?" Legolas asked.   
  
"It was Estella's choice" Merry said, remembering better times. "It's always been her favourite story. I told it to her again the night Lúthie was born, I think that made her decide to give the baby that name."   
  
"The names of Elves seem to be living on through the Hobbits as we pass to the West" Legolas said.   
  
"I would have liked to name a son after you" Pippin said. "But I only ever had one. Perhaps a grandson of mine can be named Legolas…"  
  
"Why not Gimli?" Gimli asked.   
  
"I have to save something for Sam" Pippin grinned.   
  
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That evening Legolas and Gimli got a taste of Estella's famous mushroom stew and the bottle of wine Merry had promised them. It was a pleasant meal, Diamond and Faramir had joined them from the Smials and all of Merry's children but the youngest were there. Legolas had been sad to hear that Lucky would not be joining them as he had come down with an ear inflammation a few days back.   
  
After a while Merry had to tell his children to be quiet and give their guests some peace to eat. Unlike Faramir they hadn't spent any time with the Elf and the Dwarf before and they had a thousand questions to ask and a million things to tell. Pippin complained that Brandybucks were far too inquisitive to which Gimli had reminded Pippin that the Tooks were not much better.   
  
Estella was overwhelmed by being in the presence of Merry's old friends. She felt like she had gotten a key to the past, she had read about Legolas and Gimli in Merry's diary and she knew their names from before. They were real people, sitting by her table and eating her food, people who knew all there was to know about her husband. She fought a constant inner battle throughout the first half of the meal, trying to ignore this opportunity to find out everything she wanted to know. She then decided to just go ahead and ask. It seemed like the most appropriate thing to do, if she asked them something in front of Merry then at least he wouldn't get mad that she had gone behind his back again.   
  
"So Gimli and Legolas," she said, "I'm sure you have a hundred interesting stories concerning our husbands. I would much like to hear one!"   
  
The look Merry gave her could have turned fire into ice. It made her realise at once that her question was not acceptable to him. She quickly rose, realising her mistake, and before Gimli could get more than a word out for reply she excused herself and said she had to go check on Lucky. Gimli watched her leave and then turned to Merry.   
  
"I thought you were being secretive about your journey" he said.   
  
"Why do you think she's asking **you**?" Merry replied and went back to eating though he had lost his appetite. He couldn't believe she had done that, she knew so well that he didn't want her to pry in his past.   
  
"Gimli, is it true that your father was one of Bilbo Baggins' companions when he had his adventures?" Diamond asked, trying to steer the conversation into safer territory.   
  
"Why yes Madam Took!" Gimli said and happily embarked on a story. "You see, my father, Gloin, was indeed a member of Thorin's company!"   
  
Pippin rewarded Diamond with his most loving smile. He would have to tell her later how much he appreciated her saving the situation from becoming awkward and not prying in his past. He felt sorry for Merry whose marriage was anything but good at the moment, Pippin felt like his own was only getting better and better. Diamond really had all of his love and he trusted her completely. He was proud to show her off as his wife.   
  
When Estella returned a while later she didn't say much and though she kept a happy face Pippin could see that she and Merry did not have a pleasant night ahead. She had crossed the line once more and Merry was furious even though he managed to hide it quite well. Estella probably knew she had made things worse again by asking her question and that the few things that had improved over summer were now bad again. Looking at his own wife, Pippin once again reminded himself to take her in his arms tonight and tell her how grateful he was to her.   
  
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"Pippin, there you are!" Merry said.   
  
Pippin looked up with a smile and then turned his eyes back to his rucksack. One of the leather straps had given way and he was mending it, which was finicky work. He wanted to get it done as soon as possible so that he could spend as much time as possible with Legolas and Gimli, the day after tomorrow was their last day in the Shire.   
  
"Listen Pip, there's something I've got to tell you" Merry said and sat down in the chair opposite Pippin's.   
  
"Can it wait a minute?" Pippin asked. "I'm almost done… Shame you don't have anyone here at the Hall who knows how to mend leather rucksacks! Doing it myself occupies valuable time!"   
  
Merry nodded and waited for Pippin to finish. He looked out the window while he waited and saw what a beautiful day it was. The Shire was on its best behavior and inside was the last place anyone wanted to be. Legolas, who was staying at Brandy Hall now since there was a good room for him there, had been out since before the sun came up and Merry had spent most of the morning with him. Once he had spoken to Pippin he was going to follow the Elf on a ride through Buckland.   
  
"There!" Pippin said and put the needle aside. "All done. What did you want to talk to me about?"   
  
"I received a letter" Merry began, not knowing really what to say. "From Éomer King. He writes me a few times a year."   
  
"Yes I know" Pippin said. "Has anything happened?"   
  
"No, everything is as usual" Merry said. "Only… It felt like a sign."   
  
"A sign of what?"   
  
"I long to get away" Merry said. "You know what things are like with Estella and me… I was so glad to get some time away while we were out hiking and that letter was waiting for me when we got back, it feels like a sign that I should go to Rohan and get some time to think. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and just today I decided. I wanted to let you know first." Pippin didn't say anything so Merry continued. "The timing is great. Perfect. Harvest was plentiful this year, the children are all well, even Lucky's recovered from his ear inflammation, everything has settled that was stirred up last year! And Lúthien is doing a lot better! It's a good time for me to leave. I am going to talk to Legolas about it after lunch, I'm hoping to ride with him and Gimli. Pippin… I won't be asking you to come with me."   
  
Pippin nodded slowly and swallowed. He understood. Merry needed to get away and he would be going to Rohan to serve Éomer. He wasn't going to see his friends, he was going to do his duty and distance himself from the Shire for a while. If Pippin was to go with him he would end up serving Aragorn or Faramir in Gondor anyway and he wouldn't see much of Merry. It was just as well that he stayed behind.   
  
"Oh goodness…" he said. "I will miss you so much. We haven't been apart for a full year since… Since Elboron was born!"   
  
"You'll get that space you need" Merry said. "And I will write you every day, I promise. It won't be like last time, this time around you've got Diamond and Faramir and the Smials!"   
  
"If you need to go you should go" Pippin said, hating every word coming from his mouth. "Just so long as you're not running away."   
  
"I need time apart from Estella" Merry said. "When I return sixteen months from now things will look different between us. Distance makes the heart grow fonder."   
  
"Go" Pippin said and sighed deeply. "I will miss you so… I feel like I've only just gotten you back! But I trust that we will still be what we are today when you get back."   
  
Merry nodded and reached over to Pippin to hug him tightly. Both of them were fighting back tears. They had not been apart for a long time.   
  
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Pippin came home to the Great Smials after having seen Legolas, Gimli and Merry off and looked around. Already the halls seemed empty, even though Merry hadn't been there for a while his departure from the Shire still made Pippin's home emptier. Sixteen months would he be gone. Pippin had to take one day at a time. Sixteen months was far too long to tackle all at once.   
  
Diamond appeared in another doorway, having heard him enter. She walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders.   
  
"So he's gone now?" she asked.   
  
"Yes" Pippin said. "And it hurts… This year will be so lonely."   
  
"You miss him already."   
  
"So much I could scream. But that's a good thing, right? It means we're really back to how we're supposed to be."   
  
Diamond pulled him close for a hug.   
  
"You will be fine, Peregrin" she said. "A year is not such a long time… Life goes on without Merry. We will prove it together."   
  
Pippin hugged her back and thanked her for her support. She was going to be his rock and comfort this upcoming year. He was going to try his best not to bring her down, though he knew he had a very difficult year ahead of him. As long as he took it one day at a time he might at least be able to keep his head together. He was going to focus completely on his family and on the Smials, and he planned on spending as much time as he could squeeze in with Merry's children. The year ahead of him was dark and cold but this time he planned on accepting the torches of light people close to him had to offer.   
  
He was lonelier than he had been for a few years now, but he knew that feeling too would go away. With Merry's return he would be fine again. Until then he was going to once again prove that Pippin could stand alone without Merry.   
  
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Next chapter will be slightly different! I've never written a chapter for this story before where Merry and Pippin have been on so separate locations. We'll see how that goes. Please review this chapter, I'm eager to hear your opinions! Continuing on the morals theme a bit I guess… =)   
  



	23. 1451

**Author's Note**: I'm very proud of myself for having been able to keep my goal of posting one chapter each week, but now life and college has come in-between. I don't have the time to write enough to keep ahead of my schedule and right now I barely even have the time to code a chapter each week. Next week I'll most likely post another chapter but after that I'm afraid it might be a while, depending on how things go at school.  
  
**Disclaimer**: Everything belongs to JRR Tolkien except for the characters I made up myself.   
  
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"Good work, Faramir!" Pippin praised his son. "You have well earned mushrooms and some wine tonight!"   
  
"Thank you sir!" Faramir said and grinned.   
  
Pippin grinned back. He could see it in his son, it was already happening. Faramir was falling in love with the soil and with farming. Pippin had given him an acre to farm all on his own and Faramir had taken the task very seriously and soon found that he enjoyed it. Pippin enjoyed it too, it warmed his heart to see. He looked forward to doing the farming together with his son in the upcoming years, he had longed for many years to be able to work together with Faramir once he got old enough. Faramir was twenty now.   
  
"Tell me something Father" Faramir said in a superior tone and walked up to Pippin. "Why is it that I have sowed an entire acre on my own and you have only done half your work? I believe we both had an acre each this morning."   
  
Pippin laughed.   
  
"Because, young lad, while you've been out here all day I spent all morning talking to all those young couples who are getting married this June. This year seems to be a popular year to get married in!"   
  
"Why are some Hobbits in such a rush to be married?" Faramir said condescendingly. "I want to be all on my own for a long time before I settle down!"   
  
"Son, you have no control over that" Pippin said with a smile. "Don't just stand there, these fields need to be sowed too! Let me tell you something Faramir, when it comes to marriage either one of two things will decide the time for you. Either it will be your heart, once you fall in love you won't care about being free or on your own or how old you are. And love, let me tell you, does not take into consideration what you want to be doing with your life at that point. It steps in and takes over and all you can do is obey."   
  
"It sounds horrible" Faramir said and began helping his father with the sowing.   
  
"Not at all" Pippin objected. "Quite the opposite… Once you've felt it you don't know how to live without it. It's an intoxicating feeling. But if you don't fall in love I'll be stepping in. Sooner or later you have to marry and carry on our bloodline, it is my duty to arrange a marriage for you if you don't take care of that matter yourself."   
  
"I'll tell you what, sir" Faramir said. "I never plan on falling in love. But as long as I get to play and be free for many years I will not object to you arranging a marriage for me later. So when I'm forty you can go ahead and arrange for me and Éowyn to be married, which we both know is what you want. But until then I wish to be free as the bird."   
  
"I'll agree to arranging you a marriage with Éowyn when you're forty, if neither of you are married, and not before then. If she is married by then and you're not, I will find you someone else. But I can promise you Faramir, it is not up to you whether or not you will fall in love before that time. You could be married by the time you're thirty!"   
  
"I hope not" Faramir said. "I honestly never plan on falling in love."   
  
"Fortunately love does not care what you plan on" Pippin said.   
  
Faramir shrugged his shoulders. What did love matter? He had accepted years ago that he would marry Éowyn when he got older, and he knew he could do a lot worse than her. She was beautiful and clever and apparently a great cook. Plus they were friends and would get along. Falling in love would be wasting his time. He would end up married no matter what, falling in love would only mean he would have his freedom taken away sooner.   
  
He glanced at his father and thought that the subject of love must be one of the few things they disagreed on. He knew his father was in love with his mother and that he was happy, but Faramir couldn't imagine anyone being happy without being free. All those stories he had heard of his father's doings before marriage, how he had ridden off to different places on a whim or gone to parties whenever he chose to and just had a lot of fun, Faramir couldn't understand how Pippin had so easily given that up to be married. Faramir didn't do half the things his father had done but still he was unwilling to give it up. Marriage was a cage he would be happy to escape for as long as he could. Twenty more years he had to be free, then he and Éowyn would be settling down and starting a family. Just the thought of it made Faramir cringe. Lots of babies tying him to his home was the last thing that he needed or wanted.   
  
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Pippin walked alone across the lands of Tuckborough one early June night, humming to himself and keeping his hands in his pockets. The sky was getting darker, a star had appeared on the firmament. It was one of those nights when Pippin felt lonely.   
  
After the first two months after Merry's departure he had fallen into a routine where he did the same things every day and kept his mind occupied. It helped him keep his mind off how lonely he was. Sometimes a few days could go by when it didn't bother him that Merry was away, some days it even felt good to have time to himself. But other days he felt very lonely and longed for his best friend so much that he could scream. This was one of those nights. He tried to get away as much as he could when he felt like that, to hide it from Diamond and to not bring her down as well. She of course knew what was going on but let him believe he managed to hide it from her.   
  
Pippin looked up at the lonely star in the sky and felt an odd connection with it. The star was all alone up there, the other stars were gone. The sky was vast around the star and it seemed to shine much paler than stars would normally because the sky was so big around it. Pippin felt the same way. Still the star offered comfort to him. He knew Merry could see that star too. In a way that made the star less lonesome, for it linked two parted friends together. And Pippin was not as lonely when he knew the same star and the same sky was watching over Merry.   
  
"_Is it dusk where you are now_?" he sang, the same song he had been singing since autumn. "_Is your sky the same as mine? Time has passed I wonder how, and how the sun still seems to shine_." He kicked a rock with his foot and muttered to himself. "Not even a full year has passed. You wont' be back until December, at the very soonest. That's more than six months away from now. Time goes by too slowly…"  
  
It just felt like far too long a time. Sometimes Pippin toyed with the idea of riding to Rohan and visit, just for a month or two. But it was a stupid idea, and Diamond would be furious if he decided to do something like that. He was best off staying where he was.   
  
"So I guess you're wondering how things are…" he said, talking to Merry as if he was walking right beside him as Pippin was used to him doing. "Here at the Smials things are great. Faramir and I have sowed the last acres together, we'll get a good harvest if this fine weather holds. I stopped by Brandy Hall yesterday and things were good with the farming there too. Aramac and Cordy had done a lot of work! Théo seems to have gotten misplaced with the blacksmith, he's spent more time fixing up old tools than working out in the fields. But they are all doing good. Lucky's health is good! He hasn't been ill for three months now! Yet every time it rains and there's a rainbow he runs off to find the end of it. It's driving Estella crazy. The lasses are fine too! Lúthien has improved a lot, she's now almost back to normal! Éowyn spends a lot of time with her, and that's good. Of course, Lúthie is getting older now and the age difference between them is getting less significant. Éowyn takes some time every day to play with Lúthien, other than that she's mostly with her ponies. She's jumping every fence she can find with Aestas, it's scaring me to be honest! She might fall off and get hurt!"   
  
Then he stopped and shook his head to clear it. What was wrong with him? Why was he talking out loud to someone who was miles away? Not even an Elf would be able to hear at that kind of a distance! Sometimes he thought he was going mad. Usually it got worse when he had been fine for a while.   
  
"Pip, old fool…" he said with a sigh. "You need to get your head together. Merry's far away, and it is not a problem for you. You just get lonely sometimes, that's all…"  
  
Lonely he was indeed. But it was easier than it had been the year he had met Estella. That year he had had nothing except for visits to Bag End every now and then. Now he had a wife, a child and large parts of the Shire to keep an eye on. From that aspect it was much easier this time around. But it worried him that he and Merry were apart for this long so soon after their big fight and uncertain years. Pippin never wanted to be unsure of what kind of friendship they had again, he was scared to death that Merry would return and once again say they had grown apart. Pippin could not go through that again.   
  
"We are under the same sky" Pippin said out loud. "But it's still a very long time until we'll breathe the same air. When we do, I pray we will still be walking the same path. Oh gosh, I'm getting sentimental!"   
  
He walked slowly across the meadows as the sky got darker and the lonesome star was accompanied by a second one. A smile appeared on his face.   
  
"We are one, you and I… Like those stars in the sky, we shall also be two together when these long months ahead are over. I miss being part of Merry and Pippin. It will be so grand to be part of that again…"  
  
He rested his eyes on the horizon. It was actually nice being out walking on his own. Getting to talk to no one about his feelings and his thoughts helped, since Merry wasn't there to listen. He always felt a little lighter at heart when he returned home, though the loneliness was hard.   
  
Suddenly he could see a figure on a pony riding towards him. Even though it was getting dark it only took him a second to identify the rider.   
  
"What are you doing riding at this hour?" he asked Éowyn when she halted Aestas next to him. "And without a saddle?"   
  
"Uncle Pippin, you know I only ride with a saddle when mother can find out about it" Éowyn said and patted Aestas' neck. "If you know your pony well enough you can ride perfectly fine bareback. Father always says that."   
  
"You should be riding side-saddled bareback" Pippin said. "Why are you not at Brandy Hall, young lady? I hope you're not riding out to meet some secret lad, or your father is going to kill me when he gets back!"   
  
"You know me better than that" Éowyn said. "Lads, who needs them?"   
  
"Hopefully Diamond" Pippin said. "Or at least one lad, namely me. Now tell me, why are you out riding at this hour?"   
  
"Actually I was looking for you."   
  
"Me? Has something happened?" Pippin asked.   
  
"No don't worry, nothing's wrong… I just felt lonely that's all. And I like seeing you, it feels like you can speak to me for my father and sort of be his stand-in…"  
  
"That makes me happy to hear" Pippin said and smiled. "I like being your stand-in father. You're my daughter too, you know."   
  
He grabbed Aestas' reins and began leading the pony and rider back to Brandy Hall.   
  
"I know" Éowyn said.   
  
"My firstborn you are! The daughter I never had."   
  
"Yes thank you, I know" Éowyn said. "I remember when I was little and did something I wasn't supposed to, you told me off more times than father did! You spent as much time raising me as you did raising Faramir!"   
  
"Merry is way too soft with you" Pippin said. "Someone had to keep you under tabs! You could wrap him around your little finger in a heartbeat and the strange thing is you never even made him notice it! He thinks he's given you a strict upbringing, yet all you had to do is look at him and he forgave you everything."   
  
"But what good did that do me when you gave me the telling-off anyway?" Éowyn asked with a smile.   
  
"My fatherly duty" Pippin said.   
  
They were silent for a while as Pippin continued to lead pony and rider home. Pippin was almost scared to look at her, it was unbelievable that the baby he had been so terrified of when she was born had grown into this beautiful lass with her own mind, heart and will. He still saw her as a little girl walking after Merry in the fields at Crickhollow. She still walked after Merry a lot but not in the way she had when she was little. It was no wonder that Merry had been unable to resist her charm, the little lass with her curls everywhere and with her dress dirty trying to set her feet down in his footprints had been adorable. Éowyn was adorable still, but in a different way.   
  
Pippin thought of what he and Faramir had discussed a while ago. Everyone knew that unless Faramir or Éowyn fell in love with someone else, marriage would be arranged between the two. It had been decided from the day Faramir was born and though it was rarely spoken of everybody knew about it. Pippin had promised not to arrange marriage until Faramir was forty, Éowyn would be forty-one. The only thing that made Pippin believe she would still be unmarried by that time was that she showed no interest in lads or love, all she cared about were her ponies. She and Faramir both seemed to think love was uninteresting and nothing they wanted to find. Their fathers hoped each day that they would find it with each other. Pippin knew Éowyn had firmly decided that until she could find a lad who lived up to her father she would not get married at all. She was her father's daughter and always had been. Now she was lonely in his absence.   
  
"You miss him a lot, don't you?" he asked her as they reached the Brandywine Bridge.   
  
"Every day" Éowyn said. "But not like you! I think it's a lot easier for me than it is for you, uncle Pippin."   
  
"Don't you worry about me, sweetie" Pippin said. "I'm fine."   
  
"So why did I find you out walking on the meadows?"   
  
"What?" Pippin exclaimed. "I do that even when I'm fine!"   
  
"No you don't" Éowyn said. "Everybody knows you only go walk on the meadows when you're lonely for Father."   
  
"Well I'm glad I can have some privacy" Pippin said with a glare at her.   
  
"Nothing's private around here."   
  
"Perhaps not" Pippin said and wondered if people also knew he talked to himself when he was out on his walks.   
  
"Won't you come inside when we reach the Hall and join us by the fireside?" Éowyn asked. "We would all appreciate it."   
  
"Why not?" Pippin said. "I haven't been around much during the sowing, it would be nice to have a quiet evening by the fireside and perhaps a chat with your mother. How is she?"   
  
"The same" Éowyn said with a shrug to the shoulder. "It's **you** I'm worried about."   
  
"Don't be worried" Pippin said. "I'll admit it feels like the sun is more distant this year, but I'm not as dependant on your father as people think. I don't need Merry."   
  
"I don't like it when you lie."   
  
Pippin didn't reply. Sometimes it got on his nerves that people expected him to be sad and lonesome and constantly missing Merry. Even though he missed his cousin terribly days could go by without Pippin thinking about it. He hated when people thought he could only function fully through Merry. He was his own Hobbit, he still aimed to prove that. The only problem was that he needed Merry. How was he to prove that he didn't need Merry when he did need him? It was all very confusing.   
  
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Later that evening, when the three youngest children were in bed and the three oldest were getting ready to go to sleep too, Pippin sat down with Estella in the sitting room. They had not spoken much during Merry's absence, and not much the summer before either, after Estella had read Merry's papers.   
  
"How are you holding up?" Pippin asked her now and sipped his tea.   
  
"It's difficult" Estella said. "But I'm used to it. It's not the first time he's left our six children with me and gone off."   
  
"I… wasn't talking about that" Pippin said. "Does he write you?"   
  
"Yes" Estella said.   
  
"What does he say?"   
  
"Not what he usually would" Estella admitted after some hesitation and looked down into her cup, ashamed to meet Pippin's eyes. "He's very businesslike. His letters are not like the ones I used to get, where he would at least say he misses me!"   
  
"You and I both know what you did so let's not waste time bringing it up for discussion again" Pippin said. "But you do realise that it's the reason why his letters sound like that?"   
  
"I know" Estella said and began to cry. "But Pippin he never gives me a chance! How can I make it up to him when he doesn't want me to?"   
  
"You can't make it up to him. He has to get over it and begin to trust you again, all you can do is give him no reason to distrust you. He will grow to trust you again. You just have to be patient and accept that it won't happen over night."   
  
"But we can't live like this" Estella said. "We can't distrust one another."   
  
"You can't change it, only time can" Pippin said.   
  
"He should not have left before we could work this out."   
  
"It's hard for him to get time apart from you in the Shire. And time apart is what he needs right now."   
  
"It worries me sick that he's off in some strange land serving a king who goes to war every so often!" Estella said.   
  
"Rohan hasn't been to war for decades" Pippin said.   
  
"I worry that he won't return, that something will happen to him. And that things will be left unsaid between us."   
  
"Nothing is going to happen to him. Do you think I would have let him go there without me if I thought something might happen?"   
  
"I hate that I can't put my worries into words when I write him" Estella said. "I feel like I have to be as formal as he is."   
  
"Merry's doing a lot of thinking" Pippin said. "Don't expect him to change his style of letters. He won't try to make things better over correspondence."   
  
"How will I then know that things are getting better?"   
  
"I don't know. You put yourself in this position, don't come crying to me about it. Dry those tears before the children see you!"   
  
"I should have known better than talking to you about it" Estella said and rose from her chair while drying her tears. "You are always on his side!"   
  
"Would you have expected anything else in a case like this?"   
  
"I don't know, perhaps I would have expected a little sympathy from someone I share a past with."   
  
"The past is what got you into this mess in the first place" Pippin said. "And that was my past you pried in too!"   
  
"Just forget I said anything" Estella said. "I'll have to pay for this mistake for the rest of my life I take it."   
  
"Just leave our past alone" Pippin said. "And let Merry be mad at you. You've deserved it." "Maybe you ought to leave."   
  
"Maybe so" Pippin said and rose. "Things really have changed over the years, Estella… When last Merry was alone in Rohan I fell in love with you. This time around…" He shrugged his shoulders. "How did so much happen over the years?"   
  
"How can so much change in just one?" Estella said.   
  
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Pippin stretched out in the grass with a hat tipped over his head to shade the sun and a grass straw in his mouth. After a hard day's work he felt he'd earned a little lying about time. Today was a good day, the sun was shining above him and everything felt good.   
  
They were in the middle of planning the Midsummer party. Pippin would be conducting three weddings that day and then there was going to be a big party in the evening. They had spent the morning planning what food they were going to have and Pippin had worked up such an appetite he'd had to sneak into the kitchen and liberate it of some meat.   
  
The party was going to be great. They had decided on a spot for it, they were going to set up a big tent and they were going to make room for sixty Hobbits to have dinner outside. A band was going to play and they were going to play games with the children until midnight. Pippin planned on challenging Faramir in the good old find-the-apple-in-the-bucket game. They always had a lot of fun playing games together.   
  
Midsummer was only a week away so they would be very busy until that day. It almost made Pippin feel a little guilty that he was stretched out in the grass instead of helping out with the preparations, but he felt he'd done enough for one day.   
  
He began whistling a happy tune to himself and let the bright shining sun warm him. On days like today it was really grand being a Hobbit. He could easily fall asleep, he let his mind wander while he whistled to himself and waved his right foot in pace with the tune. He soon found himself humming one of his father's old favorites. It was odd that so many years had passed since his father would sing his favourite songs out on the field while forcing Pippin to do his share of the farming. Now Pippin had spent the first part of summer singing songs out in the fields and getting Faramir to work and learn to love farming.   
  
Pippin awoke from his daydreams with a start when something landed on his chest. He lifted the hat and stared at the bag, then looked further up and saw Diamond standing above him with her hands on her hips and a firm look on her face.   
  
"Hi darling" he said with his most apologetic smile.   
  
"If you're going to sneak away from your work and just lie around in the grass doing nothing… And if you're going to steal from the kitchen…" she began in a firm voice but then softened her voice and smiled mischievously. "Then you could at least do it properly and steal some mushrooms to bring out with you."   
  
Pippin grabbed the bag and stuck his hand in it, fishing out a fistful of mushrooms. He grinned and looked up at his wife.   
  
"Diamond Took, you are a splendid partner in crime!"   
  
"There are enough mushrooms in there to last you for at least fifteen minutes or so" she said. "But try to not eat them all at once, that way it might last longer."   
  
She sat down on top of him, straddling him, and helped herself to a few mushrooms out of the bag. Pippin raised an eyebrow.   
  
"Now if you're going to be eating too I'll have to eat them all at once, to make sure I get as many as possible!"   
  
"I promise I won't eat anymore" Diamond said and smiled at him.   
  
"How did you know I was out here?"   
  
"Food was missing from the kitchen and I could hear your whistles a hundred yards away! It wasn't difficult to add one thing to the other!"   
  
Pippin took up the tune he'd been humming but this time sang the lyrics to it as well. Diamond stole his hat and placed it on her own head. Pippin finished his song halfway through to eat some more mushrooms.   
  
"If someone was to walk by, this would look really strange" he pointed out.   
  
"Pippin!" she cried and blushed.   
  
"Oh I'm sorry" he teased. "I forgot people always straddle one another for no reason whatsoever."   
  
"How's this for a reason?" Diamond asked with a mischievous grin and began to tickle his sides.   
  
Pippin, who was helplessly ticklish, tried to squirm away from her and avoid her tickling fingers but had little luck. Finally he got a hold of her hands and managed to roll them over so that she was suddenly underneath him.   
  
"Because this looks so much better if anyone was to walk by" Diamond said, laughing hard.   
  
"Think of what they'll say" Pippin teased with a grin. "'That Diamond Took, not a bit of shame is in her body'!"   
  
"Pip!" Diamond complained. "Get off me before somebody does catch us!"   
  
Pippin laughed and sat up. He offered her a hand to get her sitting as well, and she took it, only to start tickling him again as soon as she was sitting up.   
  
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"Sam?" Pippin said and waved his hand before Sam's eyes without getting a reaction. "Samwise? Sammy?"   
  
"He's been like that since this morning" Rose said.   
  
"What's happened?" Pippin asked her.   
  
Rose didn't answer. She hurried off to tend to some task. Pippin shook his head in confusion and snapped his fingers before Sam's eyes. Frodo had come to the Smials earlier in the day and asked Pippin to come to Bag End, but nobody had told him what was wrong with Sam. He couldn't figure out what good he would be able to do if he didn't know the problem.   
  
"Come now Samwise…" he said. "Talk to Mister Pippin! What's happened?"   
  
Finally Sam reacted. He looked up at Pippin.   
  
"Elanor is getting married!"   
  
"Oh that's **wonderful**!" Pippin said and hugged Sam. "I was afraid something horrible had happened! You must be so happy!"   
  
"Happy?" Sam echoed in disbelief. "Wonderful? I'm losing my oldest daughter and you think I should be happy?"   
  
"You're not losing her" Pippin said. "What you're getting is another son!"   
  
"Like that's something I need!"   
  
"Now Sam, you knew this would happen sooner or later!"   
  
"Couldn't it have happened later? She's only thirty! We need her around here!"   
  
"But she needs to live her own life" Pippin said. "You cannot expect her to stay here all her life and take care of her siblings! She has dreams of her own, things she wants to do, you cannot chain her to Bag End forever."   
  
"But she's not even 33…"  
  
"Sam why did you tell her suitor yes if you don't want her to marry yet?"   
  
"He came up to me at the market, in public! I didn't know what else to say!"   
  
"Mostly, fathers use the word 'no' when they don't want a lad to marry their daughter. And if I were you I would have told him off for coming to you at the market instead of in your office or somewhere else less public. Who is your future son-in-law anyway?"   
  
"You don't know him" Sam said. "Fastred Greenholm. On the Far Downs. I didn't even know he was courting my daughter!"   
  
"Most lads in Hobbiton have wanted to" Pippin said. "Perhaps you haven't noticed, but Elanor is the fairest lass in this part of the Shire. What does she say of all this?"   
  
"She wants to marry him! I think she's making a mistake!"   
  
"Well it's too late now" Pippin said firmly. "Why didn't you think of that before you told Fastred Greenholm that he could marry your daughter? You can't go back on your word now! All you can do is accept that within a year Elanor will be married and living with her new husband."   
  
"She's my little girl, Pippin" Sam complained. "Wasn't she a baby just last week? What has happened, where did the years go?"   
  
"Elanor has not been a little girl for years" Pippin said. "She grew up. And she wants to start her own life."   
  
"They want to be married before harvest" Sam said gloomily. "All I have is a month or two! This came as such a shock! Rose is mad at me for telling Fastred yes, she feels they should wait until they're at least both thirty-three! I agree with her. Elanor is too young to be bound to a home and a herd of children!"   
  
"How is that any different from her life now?" Pippin had to ask. "She's the oldest, and she's a lass! She's a mother for her youngest siblings, more than Rosie is. You accepted the situation Sam, you have to deal with that now. She'll be married before the end of summer and the best you can do for her is to be happy for her."   
  
Sam sighed deeply.   
  
"It will be so empty without her! We all depend on her! Her sisters will really miss her, and her brothers too! Not to mention her mother and father! I don't know how Rosie will manage the household without her!"   
  
"She won't be far away" Pippin objected. "Now get a grip Samwise, you're going to turn her engagement into a sad event! It's supposed to be a happy time for her! Where is she, I'm going to go congratulate her."   
  
"Whose side are you on really?" Sam had to ask.   
  
"Being on your side won't do anybody any good" Pippin said. "And someone has to be happy for Elanor! Pull yourself together now and stop acting like a child. You would lose her to some lad sooner or later anyway, if she feels she doesn't want to wait then don't make her wait."   
  
Sam sighed and hated how he knew Pippin was right. Elanor couldn't stay at home forever, as much as he wanted her to. He only wished he knew anything about the lad he had just promised his daughter to.   
  
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Even Sam had to admit that the wedding turned out to be a nice occasion. It was held a week before harvest, underneath the party tree where Sam and Rose had gotten married thirty-one years ago. Elanor seemed happy, Fastred appeared to be a good lad and Sam found himself accepting the situation. Rose quickly became sentimental and wouldn't stop talking of her own wedding and all the dreams she had had for the future.   
  
Pippin kept out of the way most of the night, feeling a little out of place at the party. He, Diamond and Faramir were the only Tooks, and the only ones from Buckland were Merry's wife, children and brother-in-law. The rest of the guests were Greenholms, Gamgees, Cottons and a few other families who were all gardeners or small-scale farmers. Pippin felt strange among them, his own life had always been quite different even though he was one of few Tooks who worked in someone else's service at times.   
  
Once dinner was over and the real party began Pippin tried to get a hold of Sam, but with little luck. Everyone seemed to want to congratulate him or introduce themselves to him or in any other way try to get to know him a bit better. Being friends with the mayor was not something to frown upon. Pippin gave up and tried to find Diamond instead, but she had disappeared somewhere. He ended up retreating to the table where they kept the ale and the wine and slowly worked on emptying his tankard while he watched what was going on around him.   
  
The newlyweds weren't given much time alone, people were fussing about them constantly. Pippin decided to wait a while before he went up to congratulate them, he didn't want them to get too swamped. Even though he had to agree that Elanor might be a little young to get married, something Pippin only thought because he had known her since her birth, she seemed quite content and the groom seemed to be unable to believe his good fortune to get to marry Elanor the Fair. As a favor to Sam Pippin had found out as much as he could about Fastred of Greenholm and he seemed to be a good and competent lad. He was not yet thirty but he had his own small Hobbit hole where he and Elanor would live from now on. They wouldn't have to live at the already too crowded Bag End or with Fastred's parents.   
  
Elanor's siblings seemed to be having a good time at the wedding. Frodo was competing with another lad for Éowyn's attention to win a dance with her, Pippin grinned when she with a laugh discarded them both and asked Merry Gamgee to dance with her instead. Young Pippin was entertaining Bilbo and Robin, as well as some of Rose's nieces and nephews while young Rose kept a watchful eye on them. She was the oldest daughter at home now, all of Elanor's responsibilities had become Rose's now.   
  
The older Rose had gone inside Bag End together with Estella, too emotional to be among people at the moment. Pippin had seen them leave and tried to spot Diamond with them but they had been alone. Wherever Diamond was, she was not inside.   
  
Pippin's eyes fell on Daisy and Goldilocks. The two sisters, who were now eighteen and twenty, had turned into quite the flirts. Neither possessed their oldest sister's beauty, but they had more charms and spread their laughter around them wherever they went. Goldie's hair was not as blonde as it had been when it had given her her name, it had gotten darker over the years, but it still shone like gold in certain lights and was fairer than most of her siblings'. Daisy did not have the same beautiful hair but she had an intoxicating smile which she used as her weapon when competing with her sister. The two liked to playfully compete for lads' attention and neither of them ever spent a party sitting by the benches, they were always out dancing.   
  
The last of the Gamgee children, Primrose, was sitting next to Elanor, completely in awe of her beautiful sister who was now a married lass who was going to have a home of her own. To Primsy that was so adult, she was incredibly impressed by the whole event. She kept saying that she wished she would one day get to be married and have a dress like Elanor's and a great party. And Elanor constantly assured her that she would be married some day, but her dress would probably be nicer and her party grander.   
  
Pippin saw Merry's children as well, all of them seeming to have a good time. Éowyn was still dancing with Merry, applauded by her sister who was having more fun watching lads run after Éowyn than joining in the games the other children were playing. Théo was feasting on some cake together with Fatty at a nearby table, both of them more interested in food than fun and games. Quite typical, it seemed to Pippin.   
  
Cordy and Lucky, both uninterested in lasses and dancing, were singing songs together by another table. They were too young to be drinking ale but they waved their glasses of juice around in the same manner they had seen their father and Pippin do several times when they sang their drinking songs. No doubt they would be singing and dancing on the tables of the inn within ten years.   
  
Pippin looked back over at Elanor and spotted Aramac coming up to the table to congratulate the newlyweds. Then he turned to Primrose and asked her for a dance. Pippin couldn't help but smile at the sight of the two dancing together, and for the millionth time was struck by how fast the years went by. When did Aramac turn eighteen? Seems it was only a short while ago Faramir had had his eighteenth birthday and he was three years older than Aramac. And Primrose was sixteen now, and beginning to turn into a young lady. Pippin watched them dance, and saw that Éowyn was now dancing with Frodo. Faramir however was not among the dancing couples, Pippin suddenly realised he hadn't seen him in quite a while either. Now both his wife and his son was missing. Good thing he didn't have to find them tonight before he could go to bed, they were going to sleep at Bag End so they could all just head off to bed whenever they felt like it.   
  
Then suddenly Pippin spotted Faramir. He couldn't keep back a surprised laughter. His son was standing underneath a tree, barely visible yet Pippin knew it was him, together with some lass he was kissing. Pippin shook his head with a grin. So Faramir was not interested in love, huh? Pippin just hoped he wouldn't go falling in love with a Cotton or a Greenholm, the Thain could not be married to someone from the lower classes. For Faramir's own sake Pippin hoped he would fall for someone closer to his own social rank.   
  
Pippin decided to try to get a moment's conversation with Sam again and headed off in the direction he had last seen him. As he passed the dancing couples the tune changed from a slow tune to a faster tune, the tune of a dance which most people knew but few could dance properly. Pippin had never quite managed, it was a complicated dance with several twists and turns and all kinds of moves. He could see that "his" four dancing youngsters seemed to take it as a challenge where Aramac and Primrose tried to beat Frodo and Éowyn. He could hear them laugh as they tried to keep up with the rhythm and to do more and better moves than the other couple.'   
  
"Mayor Samwise!" Pippin said as he finally managed to get an arm around Sam's shoulders and pull him aside for a moment. "Are you having any fun, or are these people trying to suffocate you?"   
  
"I'm trying not to get too emotional, it's enough that one of Elanor's parents does!" Sam said and smiled. "You know Pip, even though I'm beginning to accept it it's still hard to see my baby girl married…"  
  
"If it's any comfort, from the looks of it my Faramir might be the next one" Pippin said jokingly and laughed. "He's found himself some lass and a tree to kiss under."   
  
"Oh dear!" Sam said. "I hope he's not getting himself involved with anybody here, he's too high up on the social rank!"   
  
"No, relax, he's just having himself a fling" Pippin said. "He won't see this lass again for a long time, he won't go falling in love with her. I can't wait until I can rub his nose in him having a fling though tomorrow! He's been saying he's never going to fall in love and now lasses are a waste of time. Though I wouldn't want him to go falling in love just yet. If you think Elanor is too young, what wouldn't you say Faramir is?"   
  
"All our babies are too young" Sam said.   
  
"I hope they know to enjoy their youth" Pippin said and nodded toward the four youngsters still trying to beat each other at the dance. "See Frodo and Primrose, and their Brandybuck dance partners? That's what being young should be like. Fun and games with your friends and family. Not a care in the world other than where you will get your next laugh from."   
  
Sam smiled. The dance finally ended and the four laughing youngsters were exhausted. Frodo and Aramac debated over which pair was the winner while Éowyn held her side that was sore from dancing and laughing and Primrose tried to pin the strains of hair that had fallen loose during the dance. The foursome made their way to a table with refreshments and continued to laugh and jest with each other.   
  
"It's a good wedding" Pippin said to Sam.   
  
"I'm glad" Sam said. "Elanor deserves the best. I hope she will be happy now."   
  
"She will be" Pippin said. "She's a smart lass. She knows what she's doing. As for my child on the other hand… Wait, I think I see Diamond. I've been looking for her for ages! We'll continue this later." He patted Sam on the back. "Have a good night, friend!"   
  
He hurried off to reach Diamond before she disappeared again. He caught up with her just as she moved a large piece of cake over on a plate. She sighed when he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.   
  
"You always know when I'm getting myself something to eat…" she complained and handed him the plate. "Here."   
  
"Why thank you!" Pippin said and happily began eating the large slice.   
  
"Don't mention it" Diamond said and cut herself a new piece. "Are you having fun, dear?"   
  
"I'm a wallflower."   
  
"Don't expect me to do anything about that" Diamond said. "All I want is to eat some cake, have some ale and have some pleasant conversations."   
  
"Dimesy, you're getting old."   
  
"Now don't force me to tickle you" Diamond said with a glare.   
  
"If you tickle me then I will toss you in the water barrel" Pippin said with a grin.   
  
"Where's Merry when you need him?" Diamond asked with a sigh.   
  
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The following afternoon Pippin, Diamond and Faramir rode back to the Smials. It was a beautiful August day that turned into a beautiful August night when Pippin took a stroll with Faramir to inspect the crops.   
  
"They're doing fine" he said and inspected the grain. "It's been a very good summer. Not too much rain but not too little. Not too hot and not too cold. Even better than last year!"   
  
"You were right" Faramir said. "I do have it in my blood. Farming, I mean. A year ago I would have scoffed at the thought."   
  
"Sometimes you can be sure of how you feel about something and then you learn you were wrong" Pippin said. "What's her name? The lass you were kissing last night at the party."   
  
"I think it was Linda" Faramir said. "I can't remember…"  
  
"No?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't have much ale to drink and you seemed to be with her an awful long time."   
  
"I didn't even know we were watched" Faramir said with a raised eyebrow.   
  
"A piece of advice, hiding under a tree never works very well. Go behind a tent or around the corner of a house. So you like her?"   
  
"I guess" Faramir said and shrugged his shoulder.   
  
"I can't help but find it amusing" Pippin grinned. "After all that talk about how you would never fall in love!"   
  
"Sir, I'm not in love" Faramir objected. "She's not the first lass I've kissed and she certainly won't be the last! What does love have to do with it?"   
  
"Back up here!" Pippin said. "You do that a lot? Steal kisses at parties?"   
  
"Pretty much" Faramir said.   
  
"I am sad to hear it. Let me tell you what love has to do with it" Pippin said, upset with the news of his son's pastimes. "You don't know what she is feeling! When you take a lass with you to some secluded spot to kiss her you are leading her on!"   
  
"Leading her on to what? Father, it's only a game!"   
  
"A game?"   
  
"Yes! Didn't you ever dance a few dances with a lass and then kiss her without it meaning anything?"   
  
"Does the lass in question know that it doesn't mean anything?" Pippin asked.   
  
"I don't know" Faramir said.   
  
"Faramir Took" Pippin said. "I cannot believe you! Have you no respect at all for love or other people's feelings? I will not have my son charming lasses and making them believe they stand a chance with him and only think of it as a **game**!"   
  
"But sir…" Faramir protested. "Lots of lads do it! I don't mean any harm by it! I like kissing pretty lasses, and it is best done under a tree, or behind the corner if that suits you better. But I don't want to court her just because I want to kiss her!"   
  
"You shouldn't toy with someone's emotions that way" Pippin said.   
  
"I don't try to hurt anyone" Faramir said. "Sir all these girls can't be thinking that it's something serious!"   
  
"All these girls?" Pippin echoed. "How many are 'all these girls'?"   
  
"I don't know" Faramir said. "Six, seven? I don't keep count. But look at Daisy and Goldie, they flirt with lads all the time and no harm comes of it."   
  
"But when was the last time you saw them kissing someone?" Pippin asked. "They flirt, they don't toy with people. I am disappointed in you Faramir."   
  
"But Father, surely you've done the same thing!" Faramir objected. "Don't tell me you've only ever kissed mother!"   
  
"Of course I've kissed other lasses. And yes, I've kissed lasses at parties after having danced with them and then nothing more came of it. But I never let it become a habit. I might have done it five times over ten years! Not six or seven by the time I was twenty-one!"   
  
"It's just innocent kissing!"   
  
"Maybe for you, but not always for her! I don't want you doing it again, not this often at least! How do you expect any lass to ever take your feelings seriously if you play around all the time? What happens when you don't want it to be over when the night is, and she discards you because she doesn't believe you?"   
  
"Love again" Faramir sighed. "Haven't I told you, I am not going to fall in love!"   
  
"You don't know that."   
  
"I **do** know that! I don't want to fall in love, I don't understand love. I know you think love will come along and change my life, but I can't see it happening. I'm going to have an arranged marriage, I've known that forever."   
  
"Faramir" Pippin said and gave his son his most serious look. "Nothing has been decided concerning you and Éowyn. You are both free to marry whomever you choose. Don't allow yourself to miss out on something great in life because you think you're already as good as betrothed to her! All Merry and I want is for you to be happy. True, we wish you will be with each other, but we're both willing to accept other lasses or lads as well…"  
  
"You don't understand" Faramir said. "It's like with Fatty Bolger. I don't long for love or wish for love. Love doesn't matter to me. Whether I marry Éowyn or someone else, it doesn't matter. But I do expect it to be Éowyn, because I know that would please you and Uncle Merry."   
  
"Then how about showing her some respect?" Pippin said. "One day you will be married, how do you think your wife will feel knowing that you've kissed every lass in the Shire? Even if you're not married out of love it still wounds the pride to know something like that."   
  
"I'm sorry then" Faramir sighed. "I didn't realise it would be such big a deal."   
  
"It might not be for you now" Pippin said. "But if you keep it up, there might come a day when it's a huge deal. Look, have fun, dance, flirt… Just don't kiss everyone."   
  
"I won't" Faramir promised.   
  
"One day," Pippin said, "you'll know what a real kiss is."   
  
He walked off to inspect the next acre. Faramir remained where he stood for a moment, puzzled by the last comment.   
  
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In late October Pippin finally got enough time on his hands to be able to visit Bag End for a weekend. He had not set foot in Hobbiton since Elanor's wedding, September 22nd had been celebrated at the Smials this year. He was happy to be back in Frodo and Bilbo's old home and once again sit by the fire with the Gaffer's old brew and some sponge cake. It was bittersweet being there, it reminded him of all the times he had spent at Bag End when last Merry was in Rohan on his own.   
  
Sam was sitting next to him, but nobody else was there. Pippin and Sam appreciated the time to themselves, they both needed to talk. They hadn't talked in a long time.   
  
"How is Elanor doing?" Pippin asked.   
  
"Not pregnant yet" Sam said. "That's a great relief. Hopefully she doesn't take after her mother in that way…"  
  
"Fastred seems to be making a good husband."   
  
"He does" Sam said. "She seems to be happy. And I'm happy for her."   
  
"I know."   
  
"Though it's very empty here without her. Out of all the children I think her leaving the nest will be the most difficult. We've come to depend on her over the years, Rosie and I. Now she's gone and she's left such a huge void behind her."   
  
"Yes, sometimes the biggest spot in a room can be taken up by the person who is missing" Pippin said.   
  
"Strange how one can feel lonely in a house with eleven people living in it" Sam said and sipped his ale.   
  
"That's what they do to us" Pippin smiled. "Make us depend on them more than we know. The children are those who turn our holes into homes. But some day they all have to leave and make homes of their own. Luckily my baby will be making his home at the Smials."   
  
"Frodo will stay here" Sam said. "Bag End is his when I pass. I was going to leave it to him, Merry and Pippin, seeing how that would be appropriate considering who they are named after and all… But then I realised that when they have children it might be problematic with the inheritance. Therefore Bag End goes to Frodo, the oldest."   
  
"As I only have one child Faramir will inherit my half of Crickhollow as well. He and Aramac will be sharing it. Faramir probably won't live there though, he has the Smials, he will be living there even after he's married."   
  
"You're lucky you won't have to see any of your kids move out" Sam said.   
  
"You really miss her, don't you?" Pippin said with a smile.   
  
"Every single day! I miss her saying 'good morning' in the mornings, I miss seeing her help out around the house and being able to trust her with things!"   
  
"I bet she misses you too."   
  
"I'm not so sure about that. Did Diamond ever miss her family when she married you? I know Rose didn't."   
  
"Rose's family practically live next door!" Pippin pointed out. "Elanor lives in the Far Downs now, she doesn't see you every day."   
  
"That's true" Sam admitted.   
  
"Does she ever come to visit?"   
  
"She didn't even come for September 22nd, remember" Sam said. "She's too busy getting her new home into shape."   
  
"She'll show up here soon" Pippin said.   
  
"How about you?" Sam said. "How about your missing?"   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Merry won't be back for at least another three months. He's been gone for over a year. How are you holding up?"   
  
"To be honest…" Pippin said. "I'm fine. Honestly, I am. Half the time I don't think about it. I don't **let** myself think about it perhaps."   
  
"What about when you do think about it?"   
  
Pippin was quiet for a while and Sam began to regret having asked. Then Pippin took a deep breath and answered the question.   
  
"Sam I think I'm losing my mind."   
  
"No you're not."   
  
"Yes I think I am. Whenever I think about how much I miss him… It's just insane, Sam! I act like a madman!"   
  
"What do you do that's so bad?" Sam asked. "So you miss Merry, what's so strange about that? The strange thing would be if you **didn't** react."   
  
"I talk to myself" Pippin said. "I talk to **Merry** actually. I have actual conversations with him where I tell him things that have happened and things that I feel!"   
  
"You are used to doing that" Sam said. "Of course you'll still be talking to him about all those things."   
  
"But I not only talk to him… He talks to **me**! It scares me Sam, but sometimes when I talk to him I can hear him answer! And I know it's crazy but it is so **real**! Sometimes I have to turn around and see for myself that he hasn't returned and is talking to me in person!"   
  
Sam pondered that but didn't say anything. Pippin eyed him for a minute and then groaned loudly and smacked his forehead.   
  
"I am going out of my mind! Otherwise you would have said differently!"   
  
"No" Sam said, only half meaning it.   
  
"I honestly hear him answer me, Sam! What is happening to me?"   
  
"You miss him a lot" Sam said.   
  
"I've missed him a lot before but I haven't heard his voice just because of it!"   
  
"There must be something more to it then" Sam said.   
  
"Like me going crazy?"   
  
"Seems to me that you're hearing his voice because you need it" Sam said. "It's a comfort or a reassurance. Though why you need it so badly I don't know."   
  
"Do you think that's the reason?" Pippin asked.   
  
"Well… Do **you** think that could be the reason? Is anything different this time from how it was last time he was away without you?"   
  
"Yes, but only for the better. I have Dimesy now, and Faramir! I had neither when he was gone last. I was all alone at Crickhollow and it drove me near crazy. If I wasn't talking to him and hearing him answer then, why would I be now?"   
  
"I don't know" Sam said.   
  
Pippin downed his ale and slammed the tankard down on a small table. Not only was he going insane but now he had also told Sam about it. Wonderful.   
  
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Pippin took his refuge to the meadows one late December night, on the anniversary of the Fellowship setting out from Rivendell. He walked slowly through the lands with his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sky and whatever stars might be shining this particular night. He also ignored how cold the night was. He should be shivering from the cold but he didn't realise it at the moment. His head was filled with thoughts.   
  
A few months had passed since he told Sam that he sometimes heard Merry speak to him. During those months nothing had changed, Pippin still heard Merry's voice when he spoke to him. And event though Pippin knew it was all in his head sometimes it felt so real that he had to turn his head and look to see if Merry hadn't actually returned. As of late he tried not to, it felt better to pretend that Merry was there than to look over his shoulder and see for himself that he was all alone.   
  
Was it possible for someone to lose their mind out of missing and longing for someone whom they knew was going to return? Pippin was beginning to wonder. He had always believed that sorrow might cause one to lose their senses, but only the sorrow of knowing that someone you loved would never be with you again, not the sorrow of missing someone who was returning.   
  
"I'm really losing my mind" he sighed and sunk to the ground, clasping his arms around his knees and leaning his cheek against them. "You will return, I know you will. You're probably on your way right this very moment! Camped somewhere between me and Rohan. Me and Éowyn. You said you would be back in early 1452, we're almost there now! Will I still be out of my mind when you're back?" He quickly continued talking so that Merry's voice in his head wouldn't get the chance to say something. "Perhaps I'm worried that you won't return! It's all Estella's fault, she put those thoughts into my head, that something might happen to you and prevent you from coming home. That's why I hear your voice, don't you think?"   
  
But he knew that wasn't true. He had been hearing Merry talking to him before Estella had told him she worried that something might happen to Merry. The fear of Merry dying before his return could not be the reason why Pippin heard him. Pippin knew that Merry would return safe and sound, there was no danger out on the roads that would threaten him, there was no reason to believe that he would be harmed in any way. Though one thing was correct about Pippin's statement. It was the fear of losing Merry that made him hear him. Sam had said that Pippin probably heard his cousin because he needed comfort or reassurance.   
  
Pippin needed both comfort and reassurance in one matter. He was terrified that when Merry returned he would not be his best friend anymore, that something would have happened between them during their year apart. Pippin had trusted their friendship to be so strong that it could get through anything, but he had been proven otherwise. Now that they were back to how they once had been Pippin didn't dare to believe that nothing would be able to tear them apart again. He had to be realistic and realise that if they had broken from each other in the past they might do it again sometime in the future.   
  
"Please don't grow in all kinds of directions while you're away" he said in a small voice. "I need you to be my best friend when you return. I have been waiting for you for over a year now, don't reward me by discarding my friendship. Don't cast it aside, please! I'm begging you…"  
  
He could hear Merry's voice telling him that no matter what, they would not grow apart again. But Pippin didn't listen. He knew he was only hearing Merry saying what Pippin wanted to hear him say. Pippin had learned a long time ago that no matter how desperately you wanted some things to be a certain way they sometimes just couldn't be.   
  
"I miss you, you know…" he said. "Won't you come back real soon? We've been apart far too long. Think of everything that you've missed! Elanor's **married** Merry, and you missed it! Shame on you for not being here, Sam could have used your support! I've had some problems with Faramir this fall, with how he treats lasses, you weren't here for me at that time. And your children have been driving their mother crazy, you know it's really not fair to leave them all to her and just take off like that. Cordy, Lucky and Lúthie do nothing but quarrel with each other, and with Aramac. Éowyn and Théo mostly keep out of the way and try to avoid getting drawn in. Honestly, they're a handful, they're **six** handfuls and you're letting Estella take care of all the issues with them." He sighed. "Speaking of Estella and issues… When you get back home, just fix things with her. Nobody's gaining from your issues you know, and you can't stay mad at her forever. She made a mistake, try to see past it and move on. Sure you feel you cannot trust her, **I** feel like I cannot trust her, but won't you at least try to forgive her for as much as you can forgive her and allow you and your children to be happy again? You can still be happy even if you don't trust her completely, you know." He sighed deeply and gazed up at the stars. "You had better hurry home real quick cousin dearest, before I lose my mind completely! I can't go on talking to myself like this…"  
  
He rose and brushed his clothes free of the dead grass and old leaves that had stuck to them. Sitting on the cold ground in the middle of winter was not such a good idea, he had a feeling he would regret it.   
  
He looked up at the sky again and saw that there were several stars out tonight. Winter seemed so cold even without snow this year, and the sky was dark in spite of the stars. This winter was as dark and cold as the previous had been. It did indeed seem as if the sun was more distant this year, and the stars were too.   
  
But it would be over soon. Merry would return before spring and things would be as they should once more. Pippin prayed it would be so. If Merry returned uninterested in their friendship or different in some way, things would be difficult once more. They had already gone through that pain, Pippin knew Merry had suffered a lot too, neither of them needed to feel that way again. Though sometimes there was nothing they could do, there had been nothing for them to do when last they were growing apart.   
  
Pippin had regretted more with each passing day that he let Merry go alone. If only he had gone with him, he would have been able to know for sure that Merry was his best friend forever. He might not have seen him more than once a month but that was far more often than not seeing him at all for over fifteen months. He could have seen him fifteen times during the months he had been all alone in the Shire.   
  
Part of Pippin knew that he shouldn't worry so much. Merry probably missed him just as much as he missed Merry, after all, Merry was the one who had given them their friendship back. He had ultimately fought the final battle and conquered their final obstacles. Had Merry not raced to catch up to him when Pippin left Gondor four years back, they might still not be best friends today. Pippin was far from sure that he would have taken those last, important steps. Merry had, and there was every reason in the world to believe that Merry wanted their friendship as much as Pippin did. But just to assure himself Pippin had to speak out loud the words that had been said between them almost five years ago.   
  
"Merry. You know, you are my best friend in the world."   
  
"And you're mine too" Pippin knew Merry was answering.   
  
"And it will always be like that, right?" Pippin said. "The two of us, Pippin and Merry… Best friends forever!"   
  
"Yes" he could hear Merry answer. "Forever."   
  
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Thanks for reading! A whole chapter without Merry, hopefully the Pippin fans liked it =) Next chapter will hopefully be able to explain why Merry got so mad at Estella. I'd love reviews, good or constructive! See you next week =)  
  



	24. 1452

**

Author's Note

**: It's been quite a while! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update, school and life have gotten in the way. The chapter to follow isn't one of my better either, but I guess that's what happens when you barely have the time to write.

**Disclaimer**: Same as before =) And please note that I know nothing about medicine, so please disregard any errors in that department.

* * *

"Diamond I'm hungry…" Pippin mumbled half-asleep when he was woken up in the middle of the night by an arm being wrapped around him from behind.

"Wait until morning" came the soft answer.

"It **is** morning" Pippin mumbled and realised he was finally going crazy. Not only did he hear Merry's voice when he was all alone and speaking to him, now he heard him instead of someone else while he was tired too.

He opened his eyes and yawned and frowned slightly. How come Diamond was lying in front of him, not behind him? Then he realised that Diamond was on her side of the bed, the arm around him came from the other side. What on earth was Faramir doing in his parents' bed, and at this time of night?

He lifted himself up slightly and turned around to ask his son what on earth was going on, but his annoyed question died on his lips when he saw that it was not Faramir who had gotten into the bed. It was Merry.

"Now I'm seeing things too" he moaned.

"You don't sound happy to see me" Merry said with a smirk.

"Is it really you?" Pippin whispered and squinted to see better. But even though the room was very dark he knew those features anywhere. He flung his arms around Merry as much as he could while they were both in the bed and hugged him tight.

"You're back?" he whispered. "You're back, for real? You're really here?"

"It's wonderful to see you again Pip" Merry said and hugged him back.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Brandy Hall? Don't get me wrong, you're welcome to sleep here anytime you'd like, but--"

Merry shushed him gently and nodded towards Diamond.

"Right" Pippin whispered. "We don't want to wake her up. She'd probably get scared to see a big stranger in our bed. Though you're not a stranger! You're back and I cannot believe it!"

"Me neither" Merry said. "It's been such a lonely journey. I've missed you so, sometimes I've even talked to you while I was sitting alone by the fire at night. Does that sound crazy?"

"It sounds perfectly healthy to me" Pippin grinned and hugged him again.

"It's good to hear your voice again" Merry said. "Nearly a year and a half… That is just far too long!"

"Come" Pippin said and climbed out of bed. "I'm starved, and eager to hear all about what you've been up to! What do you say we find ourselves some leftovers and feast?"

"Only for a little while then" Merry said and got out of bed as well. "I'm awfully tired. No more than two servings!"

"Alright" Pippin said.

* * *

"It's been a lot of hard work" Merry said and thoughtfully spun his spoon around. "I served Éomer six days a week, going with him wherever he went. On the seventh I usually just slept and ate. I had every seventh week off, weeks I normally spent in Minas Tirith. Only once did I go to Ithilien."

"So you never saw much of Éowyn?" Pippin asked, in secret quite happy to hear it, and took a huge bite from his sandwich.

"She's Éomer's sister, she came to Rohan every once in a while" Merry said. "Sometimes she was with Faramir in Gondor when I came to the White City. She and I rode to Fangorn one of my last weeks off, but I didn't see Treebeard."

"How was Aragorn? And Legolas? And Gimli?"

"Aragorn was fine, he always is. Kept nagging about my back, as if I didn't have better things to do than worry about it bugging me."

"Has your back been a problem?"

"Well you know, the long ride and the hard work… Plus missing my family. It took its toll, but it wasn't as bad as it was before. Though Aragorn told Éomer not to make me work so hard, after which I was put on lighter duties for a week before I told Éomer I was fine and didn't want special treatment."

"You'd better not have worked too hard" Pippin said. "You need to take care of yourself, cousin dearest."

Merry waved his hand dismissingly and began to slowly work on his soup.

"Legolas is fine" he said. "I only saw him once, when I was in Ithilien. He asked me a thousand questions or so about Lucky. Seems Lucky charmed our Elf friend quite good when he was with him in Rivendell."

"Takes after his father, he does" Pippin said. "But I believe that it's that you're both part Took. Tooks are more charming than Brandybucks."

"You wish!" Merry objected. "Gimli was fine as well. You should see the Glittering Caves Pip, you wouldn't recognize them!"

"Merry I've never been down to the Glittering Caves at all."

"Well they're a lot different from what they used to look like. It's amazing though, he hasn't really **changed** anything that was, only built around it. Like the Elves built in Rivendell. You have to see it sometime, it's wonderful."

"Yes, even Legolas seems to like it" Pippin said.

"Well, as much as an Elf could…"

They ate in silence for a moment, Merry slowly working on his soup and Pippin seeming to try and set a record in how many sandwiches one could eat in thirty minutes. Merry yawned big and Pippin smiled.

"Sorry if I'm keeping you up… I just want to talk to you. That, and I'm awfully hungry!"

"When are you not?" Merry smiled. "I'm alright. I won't fall asleep. Tell me how you've been!"

"Lonely" was the first word that came to mind. Pippin then mulled at it for a moment. "Yes, mostly lonely. But seventeen months is a long time, I've been both this and that during these months. Good times and bad times… Sometimes I wasn't lonely."

"I'm glad to hear you've gotten by okay" Merry said. "And I guess I'm glad you weren't always lonely."

"I couldn't be, I had to live" Pippin said. "Don't get me wrong, you were always missing with me… But I didn't always think about it."

"I know what you mean" Merry said. "Thinking about it doesn't make it better, so why put yourself through it? How have Diamond and Faramir been?"

"Just fine" Pippin said. "Faramir is in love with farming, as I told you in my letters. And I'm sure I mentioned the discussion I had with him this fall. As far as I know he's behaved since then. Not that I begrudge him having a fling or such, but I don't want him to end up taking advantage of lasses without even knowing it."

"Faramir's a good lad, Pip" Merry said. "A few mistakes is something he's allowed to make. I'm quite relieved he hasn't made half as many as you had when you were his age."

"Thank you" Pippin said acidly.

"What about my litter, have they all behaved?" Merry asked. He sighed deeply. "Pip, I have missed them so much! It was so much easier to be abroad when you didn't have children to love and worry about."

"**Everything** was easier when you didn't have children to love and worry about" Pippin said. "But yours are fine. Nobody's married or engaged, nobody's gotten hurt or into too much trouble and Lucky's managed to stay healthy. Though he, Lúthien and Cordy do nothing but quarrel and whenever they can they take a shot at Aramac. They give me a headache after thirty minutes, poor Estella must be going crazy! And speaking of her…" He raised an eyebrow at Merry. "She is the reason why you're here tonight, is she not?"

"I…" Merry said and tried to find the right words to describe what he was feeling. "I just couldn't go there to her the first night. I'm too exhausted to begin fighting or to have a ton of guilt dropped over me… I don't know what it will be like to see her! What if I'm still furious with her? I don't want to get into bed next to her and be furious, before I've even told her 'hello'! I need to rest so I came here to you."

"And I'm keeping you up!" Pippin said and flew to his feet. "Meriadoc, you must learn to tell me you're tired and not just let me munch away like this!"

"No, sit, I didn't mean it like that!" Merry said and urged Pippin to sit back down. "This is rest for me too…"

"Sure?" Pippin asked.

"Positive. Now sit down and have another sandwich."

Pippin smiled and sat back down.

"Don't mind if I do. But only if you're sure."

"I am. Having you near me is rest for my soul. And I don't have to be attentive husband, devoted father or responsible Master. I can be just me, tired, weary, smelly and probably quite sullen, and it doesn't matter."

"About the smell…" Pippin said. "Perhaps a bucket of water over your head would do you good? Dimesy might complain…"

"I can sleep in a guestroom" Merry said.

"No you're sleeping with us. I want to be near you."

"Okay then" Merry smiled.

"But about Estella, what are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure" Merry sighed. "I don't want to fight anymore… But I can't help that I don't trust her. Though during my time away I've been wondering if maybe I'm part to blame for what happened too…"

"How would you be to blame?"

"You've often said that you feel like you're not a good husband to Diamond because you're too wrapped up in what goes on with you and I. I think I'm not a very good husband either, but in my case it's because I'm keeping her in the dark."

"I haven't told Diamond more than a few things, I don't see why that is an issue" Pippin said and shrugged his shoulders.

"But for Diamond it's not a problem, for Estella it is. I stand by my decision not to tell her, but I don't think I've handled it the right way. All these years I've only told her to mind her own business and that she doesn't really want to know. I've never really explained to her why it's so important to me that she doesn't know. I've told her I don't want her to be scared or haunted by the happenings in my past but she deserves a better reason than that."

"Go home tomorrow and tell her that" Pippin said. "I promise you, all she wants from you right now is to hear that you're not angry with her. She's been quite miserable during your absence, she can't let go of what happened."

"I'll have to tell her I'm sorry" Merry said. "But that has to wait until morning. Right now I just want to be here and spend some time with you. It's been far too long since we've gotten up in the middle of the night for a meal!"

"It has" Pippin agreed.

"I think this is just what I've been longing for" Merry said. "Just you and I, catching up on old times. It's great to be together with someone I can tell absolutely everything to, frankly nobody else understands my mind the way you do."

"It's good to see that nothing's changed" Pippin said and reached for Merry's hand across the table. "Everything's still the same. Nothing's different."

"A lot of things are different" Merry said.

"I meant with you and I" Pippin said. "I'm your best friend still, am I not?"

"That's the silliest question I've ever heard, of course you are!"

Pippin smiled and took a bite from another sandwich. Merry eyed him for a minute with a suspicious look on his face.

"Pip… Did you actually think something would have changed while I was gone?"

Pippin paused in the middle of a bite and looked at Merry. His cousin seemed almost amused but more than that he seemed concerned. Pippin swallowed and put his sandwich down.

"Well I didn't know for sure that… I mean, after what happened before I… Merry I just couldn't let myself believe that things would be perfect when you returned, because if they weren't it would hurt too much."

"But Pip…" Merry said gently. "Why would anything change?"

"It did once before."

"Everything has been fine for over five years now!"

"Everything was fine for over fifty years before that. And I lost you. There's no guarantee that it won't happen again. We are not as strong as we believe ourselves to be, that's what I learned from our separation."

"I must say it surprises me" Merry said. "Though we always have been very different you and I, like two halves of one personality. See, what I learned from that incident is something entirely different."

"So what did you learn?" Pippin asked. "That even if we do cancel our friendship once more we'll find our way back home in the end?"

"No" Merry said and shook his head. "I learned that there is no separating us. There is no way to cancel our friendship. Even when we weren't speaking our friendship was alive, albeit deeply buried somewhere. Even though both of us did what we could do kill it, it bounced back. We're still friends today because there's no denying that we're part of the same One and cannot do without each other. I don't think anything will ever come between us again. Even if we turn our backs at each other for a while something still makes us turn around and make up again."

"Merry I hope you're right" Pippin said. "Your conclusion is a lot nicer than mine. You don't know how many nights I've laid sleepless, wondering whether or not you and I will be close when you return."

"Fool of a Took" Merry smiled. "When you for once think of things ahead you trouble your mind with things that are very unlikely to happen. Did you really think you would get rid of me **that** easily?"

"You spent a lot of time with Éowyn while you were gone" Pippin said. "Don't be mad, but I do feel like there's rivalry between us."

"There isn't."

"I know she doesn't like me."

"She's never tried to stand in the way of us being friends" Merry said. "She encourages me to keep my close bond with you for she understands what it means to me. She wouldn't try to separate you and I."

"I can't be as sure of that as you are."

"Pip, if I thought she was trying to make you and I fall out with each other, or in any way try to keep us from being friends, do you really think I'd cherish her friendship as much as I do? I wouldn't let her come between us."

"You once did" Pippin said.

"Can we please not go down that road?" Merry asked, getting annoyed.

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just that I've been so scared of losing you and now that I know I haven't I still can't let go of that fear completely. I keep waiting for you to turn into a puff of smoke and vanish, or for me to wake up in bed and find this is just a dream. I've longed for this moment for so long, I can't understand that it's here and I am with you again. I'm scared that I'll close my eyes and you'll be gone."

"I'm right here" Merry said softly. "And I'm not going anywhere but to bed. I can't keep my eyes open a minute longer."

Pippin nodded and quickly cleared the table. He and Merry made their way back to the master bedroom and found Diamond still sound asleep. They both crawled under the covers and Merry put his arm around Pippin once more.

"So you can feel that I'm still here" he whispered.

"Don't leave me anytime soon" Pippin whispered back, feeling how tired he was.

"You can see me whenever you want, I won't be further away than Brandy Hall."

Pippin nodded and closed his eyes to go to sleep. He felt at peace, nothing was troubling him anymore.

"Hey…" he heard Merry whisper.

"Mmmhh?"

"I love you, you know."

"I love you too" Pippin said. "Even though that Took side in you takes you out on the road and away from me."

"The Brandybuck side of me will keep me at home for a long time now" Merry answered.

Pippin nodded. They didn't say anything else. There were still a lot of things to tell and to talk about, but right now wasn't the time. At the moment they were content just being near one another.

* * *

Estella was almost finished with the shawl she was crocheting for Éowyn. Her oldest daughter had never shown any interest in sowing, crocheting or knitting which meant Estella had to do most of it for her. Estella didn't really mind, she loved having something to do with her hands while she was sitting still, but Éowyn had to start making her own shawls, mittens, clothes and such soon. She would have to do these things herself someday.

She looked up when someone entered and nearly dropped her yarn on the floor when she saw that it was Merry. She stared at him unable to get as much as a word out, she had not expected him home just yet, his last letter had indicated that he wouldn't be back in time for Lúthien's birthday, which was three days away now. But here he was, standing in front of her in his travelling clothes and with his cape on, looking surprisingly clean. She had to blink a few times to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

They looked at each other for a few seconds without saying anything. Estella felt a chill run down her spine, she had been more scared of this moment than she had known. She was terrified that he would barely acknowledge her or still be furious with her. They had been apart for so long it felt like she had lost all sense of how he would react in this situation.

Then he walked up to her and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his. She looked at him with wide eyes, unsure of what this meant. But his eyes were soft and welcoming, not cold and angry as she had feared.

"Hullo" he said.

"Hi…" Estella managed to say.

"It's been so long…" Merry said and shook his head. "I have something very important to say to you."

Estella took a deep breath and braced herself. Whatever it was he had to say she was sure she didn't want to hear it.

"I want to tell you that I'm sorry" Merry said. "I haven't been fair to you. I want to apologise to you. I've been a poor excuse for a husband and you deserve better. I want to make things okay again. I was wondering if… I want to ask you if you would let me come back to you. If you will let me be your husband again."

Estella stared at him for a minute, confused to hear what he was saying. Out of all the things in the world this was probably the last she had expected from him. Her silence made Merry unsure and she could see how he was beginning to shift his gaze to avoid her eyes.

"I'm sorry" she finally managed to say. "Of course I want you back, I've been worrying that you wouldn't want me! After what I did… I'm so sorry!"

She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight, Éowyn's shawl falling to the floor in the process. But what did she care? She kissed Merry hard on the lips and he held her close. It was wonderful to be together again.

* * *

That night they managed to get some time alone quite early. The children had all come down with a cold a few days back and had to rest, meaning their parents could retreat to their bedroom quite soon.

They both found themselves under the covers before long, only half dressed and more occupied with each other than anything else. Merry pulled the covers down and began tracing kisses down Estella's neck and chest. Estella ran her hands through his curls and sighed contentedly. She had never dared to hope that things would be this wonderful the very eve of his return.

"I'm so glad you've forgiven me" she said.

"So am I" Merry said. "Fighting is such an awful waste of time and we've been doing it for nearly two years now. That's no way to live."

"I like this better" Estella said and smiled at him as he let his hand slide under her nightgown. "Much better."

"So do I" Merry said and continued to kiss her. He placed kiss after kiss and spoke between kisses. "It's… been far… too long…"

"Far too long indeed."

"Let's… not… fight… anymore… The things that were… are now… water under the bridge… I've come to realise… that just… because… I don't… trust you… that doesn't… mean… we can't… continue with… our lives as… married…"

That broke the magic. Estella felt all her mood was gone. If only he hadn't said that last part. He still didn't trust her. She grabbed his head and pushed it away. He looked up at her, slightly confused.

"Something wrong?"

"You still don't trust me?"

"You were expecting me to?" He shook his head. "Darling it's going to take longer than this. But I'm not **angry** with you. There's no reason why we can't keep living the way we did before. Trust will come with time."

"You think this is all on your terms?" Estella asked. "That you can just come back to my bed whenever lust gets to you? That's not how it works, Merry Brandybuck! If you couldn't share my bed a year and a half ago because you didn't trust me, how come you can share my bed now when you still don't have any trust?"

"I couldn't share your bed because I was mad at you."

"You made such a huge deal out of me breaking your trust" Estella said and covered herself up. "I don't want you touching me like that if you don't trust me. Don't come back to my bed until you do."

"I hope you realise that could be a long while" Merry said, frustrated with her sudden change of mood.

"You can't both have the cake and eat it" Estella said. "If you won't give me your trust I won't give you my body."

* * *

Merry closed the bedroom door behind him. He was fully dressed again and with his rucksack in one hand. After a long and frustrating argument with Estella he had decided to leave for the Smials. Estella and he were getting nowhere and he knew he would get no rest lying next to her tonight. She couldn't accept that he didn't trust her and he couldn't make himself do so. At the time being they were locked, neither knowing how to change the situation.

He turned and took a few steps down the hall before he noticed Cordy and Lúthien standing there, both apparently just gotten out of bed. Lúthien had her dolly in a firm grip, even though she would be thirteen in a few days she hadn't given up the dollies yet. She was still a few years younger than her age, she had never been able to fully catch up after the Fever. Now she looked at him with sad eyes, eyes that seemed to have given up. Cordy's eyes were not much different. He was right behind her, having his hands protectively on her shoulders.

Once again Merry was stricken with how old they were. Each time he returned after time in the Southeast he was surprised by how grown his children were, always somehow expecting them to be little children the lot of them. But he had no little children anymore. Lúthien, the youngest, was thirteen and even though her mind was no more than ten she was clearly beginning to slowly turn into an adult.

Cordy was fifteen and going from child to adolescent. He was in those years where you weren't a child but you weren't an adult either but with each passing day the child he had been gave way to the adult he would become. He took after his mother a lot, Merry could barely find anything in him which reminded him of himself. The accusing eyes Cordy looked at him with now were the exact same that Estella had looked at him with just minutes ago. Merry couldn't face those eyes and looked at Lúthien instead. Lúthien was as much like Merry as Cordy was like Estella and her eyes were easier to meet.

"What are you doing out of bed?" he finally asked, just to say something.

"You're leaving again, aren't you?" Lúthien said in a sad voice, looking at the rucksack flung over Merry's shoulder. It was an accusation, whether she meant for it to be or not.

"Just for a little while" Merry said. "I won't be far away. I'm going to Uncle Pippin's, I haven't seen him in so long we have so much to talk about."

Cordy knew it wasn't true, or at least not the whole truth, and he knew as well as Merry did that Merry knew that his son saw through the lie. But Cordy didn't ask the questions he wanted to ask because he knew he would only upset his little sister. But looking at his father he felt he didn't know him anymore. Well over a year had passed since he had left and now upon his return he fought with their mother and snuck off in the middle of the night, telling lies as he went. He felt like his father was a stranger, he could not remember ever feeling this distant from him in the past.

"Cheer up, kitten" Merry said gently to Lúthien. "You need to get back to bed, you'll feel better once you've slept off your fever."

"I want you to be home" Lúthien said, sounding about to cry. "I don't want you to leave us again!"

"Sweetheart," Merry said, "I'm not leaving like I did last time. I'll only be at the Smials. I really need to talk to Pippin about some things."

"Will you be back for my birthday?"

"Darling I'll be back tomorrow. Now hurry off to bed."

"Will you tuck me in?"

Merry walked over and lifted her up in his arms.

"Of course I will. Ugh, you're getting heavy! Who gave you permission to grow so much while I was gone?"

"What do you expect will happen when you're gone for so long?" Cordy said and with an icy stare went back to his and Lucky's bedroom.

Merry watched him go and felt even sadder. Cordy was mad at him, there was no doubt about that. Merry knew the lad understood his parents had been fighting, possibly he had even heard them. But there was nothing to do about that at the moment. He took Lúthien back to the room she shared with her sister and tucked her in. He rested his forehead against hers to feel if she had a fever still and found that she did. With a kiss on the cheek he told her to go to sleep and recover her strength.

At her request he sang her a lullaby and knowing that he was still there she closed her eyes and before long drifted off to sleep. Merry hated himself in that moment, he felt like the worst father in the world. For sixteen months he had been away from them, he had not been there to sing them to sleep or comfort them when they were not well. The time he had with them was so precious, they were growing up at the speed of light, he hadn't fully realised until now how precious the short years of their childhood were. They were becoming adults now and one by one they would leave the nest and create their own lives. Then he would regret bitterly having not cherished every last day of their childhood and spent it with them.

He looked over at Éowyn, fast asleep in her bed. Nearly twenty-three years had passed since she came into the world yet he could still remember it as if it were yesterday. He remembered her first smile, the first time she rolled over, the first time she stood, walked and talked. She had been the greatest gift he had ever been given and he had showered her with love and affection. Then the litter had been increased by first a little brother barely a year after Éowyn's birth, then another three brothers showing up one by one. And finally Éowyn's sister had seen the light of day, almost thirteen years ago to the day. Éowyn was no longer Merry's little lass, her sweet child face had turned into a beautiful tween lass' and she was a bit taller than her mother now. With a strike of panic Merry wondered how long it would be before some lad who had fallen for her beauty also fell for her sweet personality and before long charmed her.

Théodoc would be twenty-two this fall, he too was almost fully an adult by now. He still didn't look or act much like either parent and was still as shy and withdrawn as he had been when he was young. Merry and Estella had hoped he would grow out of it but he hadn't. But he was responsible and reliable, always looking after his younger siblings and doing everything he was told to do, so they knew they wouldn't have to worry about him. And then there was Aramac, who would be nineteen in a couple of months. Just like Éowyn he had looked a lot like Estella at birth but had grown more and more alike Merry with each passing year. His personality seemed to be almost exactly his father's, Merry saw himself in Aramac so much that it was scary.

While gently stroking Lúthien's hair as she slept Merry thought of Lucky, his youngest son, who was not so young anymore. He was almost fifteen, it seemed like a miracle to Merry. The boy had been given no more than a few hours to live at his birth, when he survived long enough to be given a name they still didn't expect him to see his second birthday. Over the years Merry had thought so many times he couldn't even count them that illness would take Lucky's life before he reached thirty-three. He was almost halfway there now and still holding on to life, even though he was weak and sick. He was Estella's child of woe, she had never stopped blaming herself for his destiny to always be ill and weak and each time he fell ill Estella would go out of her way to make things as comfortable for him as she could yet anyone could tell that she was doing so out of great guilt. Lucky lived a very restricted life compared to his siblings, his parents watched over him carefully to make sure he would have a chance to survive until adulthood. Still neither dared to believe that they would get to keep him, they both knew that if they survived any of their children it would be Lucimac.

Lúthien was sound asleep and Éowyn was sleeping too. Merry rose quietly and walked to the door. He stopped and turned to look at his daughters, his apple cheeks and his legolass with the blonde hair. Lúthien was still on the child side of adolescence, Éowyn was more an adult now. It scared Merry knowing that Elanor had gotten married last year, that one child had left the Gamgee nest. It made it impossible to deny that children grew up and began lives of their own. Sam had lost Elanor last year, Merry wondered for how long he would get to keep Éowyn.

* * *

Pippin looked up the next morning when Merry walked into the kitchen and sat down for breakfast. Neither of them said anything at first, nothing needed to be said really. Pippin knew why Merry was there even though he hadn't known that he was at the Smials until now. He must have arrived during the night and found himself a bed in one of the guestrooms. There was nothing to say about it, things had not gone the way Merry had hoped with Estella and he had taken his refuge to the Smials. They ate in silence and once their meal was finished they through some unspoken agreement went outside for a walk.

"I'm sorry things didn't go well with Estella" Pippin said and finally broke the silence.

"So am I" Merry said. "I hadn't expected it to go this way. I was ready to forgive her, I **have** forgiven her, but it wasn't all that easy. I somehow managed to not realise that she might not be willing to forgive **me**. She says that until I trust her again we cannot live as husband and wife. She's right, but I wish she wasn't. I can't force myself to trust her, I just can't! Yet I don't want to miss out on our marriage, we've been apart long enough as it is."

"Merry maybe you **do** have to force yourself to trust her" Pippin said. "You cannot keep this up or you'll ruin all the wonderful things you've had. Give her the benefit of a doubt, what if it really was a one time thing that she looked through your papers? Doesn't she deserve a second chance? You forgave her for putting Lucky's life in danger when his premature birth was brought on by her never resting, can't you find it in your heart to forgive her for this too? You trusted her to carry a sixth child of yours after what happened with Lucky and she saw that through with flying colours! There was nothing problematic at all about Lúthien's birth! It's beginning to be petty of you not to be able to put your trust in her once more."

"Where does all this come from?" Merry asked. "I thought you agreed with me!"

"Maybe I do and maybe I don't" Pippin said. "I understand completely why you don't trust her but I think it's time for you to get over that now! You were away for sixteen months and she did nothing to prove herself untrustworthy. Merry if you don't put more trust in her than you do now there's a chance you might lose her."

"She's my wife" Merry said, sounding scared. "I won't lose her! We love each other!"

"You've been telling her for almost two years how you don't trust her. Before you know it she's going to reach the point where she doesn't care whether or not you trust her for she has tired of waiting for you to come around. When that happens you'll be willing to do anything to prove to her that you trust her again but it won't matter anymore. A wall will have been raised between you and not even love might be able to break it."

"What should I do?" Merry asked. "Trust takes a long time to earn back once you've lost it."

"You said to me two days ago that you feel like a bad husband to her" Pippin said. "That you haven't handled not telling her about our past very well. Tell her something about what happened and see what she does with it. It will be the final test of whether or not you can trust her again. Do that and save your marriage, sacrifice one secret for your happiness."

Merry nodded slowly. Pippin was right. But it would take a lot of strength and courage to open up about his past. Merry wasn't sure he would be able to do it.

* * *

"You're making too much noise!" Aramac complained to Théo.

"You're one to talk!" Théo retorted grumpily.

"You're both making nose" Éowyn said. "Especially with that arguing! Are you trying to wake Mother up? It sounds like you are!"

"There now" Merry said. "Don't quarrel with each other."

It was late June, the week of Midsummer's Eve, and Merry's 70th birthday. It was early morning, nobody was awake yet at Brandy Hall save for Merry and his children. They were working on a surprise for Estella, Merry's gift to her on his birthday. He had decided to follow Pippin's advice and open up slightly about his past but he had needed time to prepare. Once he felt ready he had written Aragorn and asked for his help, then he had waited for the parcel Aragorn sent him to arrive. It had arrived in a large chest that Merry had managed to hide for a few days, but now it was time for Estella to see it. He wanted it to be a surprise so he had gotten the children to help him carry it inside, by making them help out instead of those who worked for him he felt like he was giving them a glimpse as well and keeping it all within the family.

Right now though he was beginning to wonder if they would be able to keep it a surprise. The chest was heavy and the four oldest were bickering non-stop while helping Merry to carry it. Merry couldn't lift too hard himself or his back would protest and he wouldn't let Lucky and Lúthien help out, something that seemed to annoy especially Aramac and Cordy. Lucky had taken on the job of co-ordinating them while they tried to navigate to the old nursery and Lúthien opened all doors for them.

"What's in this thing?" Cordy complained. "It's so heavy!"

"The chest is heavier than what's in it" Merry said. "I'm sure you can manage a bit more, Cordy. It's not much further now."

"Just one more door" Lucky said. "And you need to go a bit more to the right."

"If you think it's so easy then why don't you grab on here?" Cordy said.

"Don't argue" Merry said. "Focus on lifting rather than talking, Comradoc!"

Finally they reached the old nursery and managed to set the chest down quite quietly. Estella was asleep in the next room so they had to be very quiet. Cordy sunk down in a rocking chair and sighed deeply, seemingly exhausted from the lift, and Théo sunk down on the floor next to him just as exhausted. Lúthien closed the door behind her as she entered the room too and admired the chest.

"It's so beautiful!" she said.

"Yes it is" Merry nodded.

The chest was in secret more telling of his past than anything in it. The figures carved into the wooden chest were himself and his friends in scenes from the War. Merry had been shocked to see it, he didn't know Aragorn had had any such chests made, and he had found himself shedding a few tears over the sight. The carvings were beautiful and they were images from his own life. But one had to know the stories to see them in the carvings. There was Frodo holding Aragorn's crown at the crowning, Pippin facing a huge troll, Legolas firing his bow, and Aragorn healing Éowyn among other images. Merry had found himself on the carvings too, a little figure offering a sword to a human king.

"We should polish it up a bit" Lucky said. "The brass and iron don't shine the way they ought to!"

"I want to help out too" Lúthien said.

"You're too little" Lucky said.

"Am not! I'm thirteen!"

"Voices down!" Aramac reminded them.

"I brought some polish" Théo said and fished out a bottle from his small backpack. "There should be a rag around here somewhere we could use."

"Here!" Lucky announced. "I found one! Mother always keeps rags in these drawers!"

"Can I polish the chest?" Lúthien asked.

"As if you could" Lucky snorted. "You would only get polish on the wood and it's too pretty for that!"

"Would you lend her the rag?" Éowyn said, annoyed with Lucky for putting Lúthien down all the time.

But Lucky refused, insisting that Lúthien only would damage the wood carvings. Éowyn snatched the rag from him and told him that he surely wouldn't do much better, and that Théo ought to polish it.

"It really is beautiful" Aramac said.

"Mother's going to be so surprised!" Cordy said. "What's in it, Father?"

"It's for her eyes only" Merry said.

"Don't be so curious Comradoc!" Lúthien said and waved her finger at her brother.

"Will you stop trying to raise me? I'm three years older than you, I should be raising **you**!" Cordy said.

"Both of you stop it" Éowyn said.

"If Father says we're not to see what's in the chest then we're not to see it" Théo said and carefully polished the chest.

"I want to see what's in it" Lucky complained.

"Me too. Maybe if we wished it?"

"Now who's being curious Lúthien?" Cordy pointed out.

"That's enough from all of you" Merry said.

"Is she going to get to keep the chest?" Lúthien asked.

"The chest is mine" Merry said. "Strider sent it for me."

"So Éowyn and I can't have it in our room?"

"No love."

"Maybe if I--"

"Please don't finish that sentence" Cordy complained. "You never get those wishes anyway!"

"I know, if I did you wouldn't still be around" Lúthien said testily.

"**Lúthien**!" Merry said. "Don't you ever say anything like that to your brother again! Apologise at once!"

"I'm sorry" Lúthien said, but stuck her tongue out at Cordy behind her father's back.

"I saw that" Aramac said and angrily pinched her ear.

"That's enough from you all" Merry said. "I want you all to go back to bed, **without** quarrelling on the way! Can't you please try to be friends at least for my birthday?"

"We're sorry Father" Éowyn said and kissed her father on the cheek before grabbing her sister firmly by the arm and leading her back to their bedroom.

"Théo you can finish the polishing if you wish" Merry said. "If you'd rather go back to bed I'll do the rest."

"I'd like to finish if I may" Théo said, only happy to get to polish the fine chest.

"Very well then. The rest of you lads, off to bed!"

"I bet Mother is awake" Lucky said as they headed off to their bedrooms. "As much noise as you made!"

"You're one to talk!" Aramac snorted.

"**Without** quarrelling" Merry reminded them.

He paced back and forth while Théo polished the chest, nervous over the thing he was about to do. Opening up to Estella was going to be very difficult indeed. He prayed it would satiate her longing to know about his past and not add fuel to the fire. As Pippin had said, this would be her test.

When Théo was finished Merry sent him back to bed and then went to the bedroom where Estella was sleeping peacefully. They had been sharing this bedroom on and off over the past four months, all nights had been perfectly chaste. Hopefully things would go well this morning and they could go back to being husband and wife for real again.

He kneeled by her side of the bed and gently stroke her cheek. She didn't wake up, only flinched.

"Estella" he said and shook her awake.

She groaned and rolled over on her other side. It was early in the morning and she wanted to sleep. But Merry wasn't about to give it a rest, he had decided to do this and wanted to go through with it before he lost his courage.

"Estella wake up!"

"Is something wrong?" she mumbled, barely awake. "Lucky?"

"Lucky's fine. Nothing's wrong, but you need to wake up."

"Why?" she complained and pulled a pillow over her head.

Merry grabbed the pillow and lifted it from her, causing her to groan. At the moment she reminded him of Fatty, who had always been near impossible to get out of bed.

"Come on Estella, wake up! There's something you need to come see!"

Finally she sat up and yawned big, barely able to keep her eyes open as she stretched.

"That's a good lass" Merry said. "Come on, come with me."

"Where are we going?" Estella asked in a yawn.

"To the nursery. I have something for you there, my gift to you on my birthday."

"It can't wait?" she asked.

He didn't answer. He grabbed her by the hand as she wrapped her robe around her and led her next door to the nursery. She was still barely awake when he kneeled by the chest but the sight of it made her rub her eyes and wake up.

"This chest was sent to me from Gondor" Merry said. "It contains something I want to show you." He opened the chest and lifted out a belt with a scabbard hanging from it.

"Merry there's not even a sword in there" Estella said.

"I know" Merry said. "There was a sword here once. A dagger actually, but one for the Elves. For a Hobbit it was a sword. It was my sword during the War."

Realising that he was about to tell her something he had kept secret for a long time, Estella sat down in the rocking chair and listened.

"Do you remember all the stories about the Old Forest?" he asked. "And do you remember that when we left the Shire we passed through that forest? We had our first adventures there, out of which one took place at the Barrow-Downs. We…" He took a deep breath and paused for a moment. "Things could have gone bad. But we were saved. With us from that adventure we all carried a dagger each. Sam and Pip still carry theirs, Sam's is even called Barrow-blade. The scabbard is all that remains of mine today."

"What happened to the blade?" Estella asked.

"There was Elven magic upon that blade" Merry said. "It held a purpose. When it fulfilled its purpose it vanished, turned into ash and just vanished. The scabbard remained but the blade is forever gone."

"It's purpose?"

"Understand Estella… What's in this chest is very difficult for me to talk about. I've kept it secret from you and from everyone, for more than thirty years. I've only given you half the reason why. True, I don't want you to know of the horrors and the toils, I feel like I saw the things I saw and suffered the things I suffered so that you and the children never would have to. If I told you about it now it would feel like it was in vain. But that's not the only reason. I know I did a lot of things that were good during the Journey. Here in the Shire I am held as a hero for throwing out Saruman and his goons. I'm not a hero. Compared to what others did during the War the Scouring of the Shire was **nothing**. A walk in the park, a laid back Sunday afternoon. I was not heroic, not at all. Still people insist on looking at me like a hero. I did far more heroic things during the Journey but they were nothing compared to Frodo or Gandalf of Aragorn or… or many people! I don't want people to hold me up as a hero for things that weren't that heroic. It would be wrong. All I want is to be considered normal, as normal as I can at any rate. If stories of my past got out nobody would ever consider me normal again."

"And you don't trust me to keep your stories to myself?" Estella had to ask.

"I don't want **you** to look at me as a hero either!" Merry said. "I want you to look at me as who I am, love me for who I am, not for acts of valour that took place decades ago and were small compared to what everyone else did. I don't want you to see me as Meriadoc Perian, warrior and esquire, not as any of the things I am seen as in Rohan and Gondor. I just want to be a normal Hobbit as much as I can when I'm in the Shire. In your eyes as well as everyone else's. That is why I've never told you much."

"I've never asked for those grand happenings" Estella said softly. "Just any story from your journey with the Fellowship would do."

"But I don't know how to tell you about that" Merry said. "You just cannot describe it to someone who wasn't there. Words cannot describe some feelings, like the way it feels to travel with the motliest crew ever seen in Middle-Earth and know that each and every one would give their life for you and you would give yours for them. Or the way it feels to be so tired and hungry and spent that you feel you cannot take another step, yet know you have three more hours in the dark ahead of you before you're allowed to rest. Both joy and sadness, great feelings and horrible feelings, all mixed together. Being overwhelmed by the beauty of the nature around you yet your feet ache so bad you couldn't care less what nature looks like. So many conflicting emotions. It was the best year of my life yet it was also the worst. The images never leave your mind, the feelings never leave your body, but you couldn't possibly put them into words. So there's no sense in even trying. I don't want to tell you stories and not be able to describe how things felt and looked and were. It would be disrespecting the real event."

She nodded slightly. She didn't quite understand but at least he was talking to her now and giving her something more than just an 'I don't want you scared'. He was trusting her with part of his past and it felt wonderful to share that confidence with him.

He looked up at her and held up the scabbard.

"The blade that was in this scabbard came to use by me during the War. I took part in the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, where the race of men scrambled to protect their last great city. The Gondorian were fighting to keep trolls, orcs, ringwraiths and all kinds of beasts out of the city. Out in the fields were the Rohirric, battling from the backs of their horses. I was with them. I nearly got killed that day, I nearly became a wraith even. How can I tell you about what really happened? I can't even remember all of it myself. All I really know is that during that battle I saw clearer than ever before that love conquers any evil. Acts sprung from the heart are the most powerful ones there are. I lost my blade and nearly my soul and life, but it would have been worth it all."

Estella sunk down on the floor next to him and gently wrapped her arms around him.

"Thank you for sharing this with me" she said. "I won't tell a soul about what you've said and I won't ask you anything else about your past. Tell me what you want to tell me and know that I will always be here to listen, but if you want to keep things to yourself then I'm fine with that."

Merry hugged her back and felt a huge weight lift from his chest.

"Thank you for understanding" he said.

"Merry?" she asked after a moment of silence. "There is an envelope in the chest addressed to you. Have you seen it?"

Merry broke from the hug and looked inside the chest. Indeed there was an envelope for him there. He fished it out with a confused look on his face and opened it. The letter was from Aragorn and the more Merry read the wider his eyes became and the further down his jaw went.

"Is something the matter?" Estella asked.

Merry looked at her with shocked eyes.

"It's from the king! He… gives us the Westmarch."

"He what?"

"It says right here!" Merry said. "The land knows as Westmarch, from the Far Downs to the Tower Hills, will from this day forward be part of the Shire and belong to the Hobbits! It will be under management by the Thain and the Master!"

"He's giving you and Pippin all that land?" Estella asked, as shocked as Merry was.

"So it would seem…"

They shared a look. It was a very grand gift, neither of them could believe it was true. Suddenly Bree and Weathertop were Shirelands in theory and practice owned by Merry and Pippin. The first thought in Merry's head was that it suddenly gave Aramac a grand inheritance. Instead of half of Crickhollow he would get half the Westmarch.

"The party tonight is suddenly going to be a lot more interesting" Estella said.

Merry nodded slowly. But somehow it made him feel uncomfortable owning those lands. In his heart he wished nobody would ever decide to uproot from the four farthings of the Shire and move to these new lands. It would not be the same if Hobbits settled down where he had experienced the first part of his grand adventure.

* * *

"Mother is never going to let me forget about this" Faramir complained, tears falling down his face as he struggled with the pain.

"Most likely not" Pippin said and held up the mug of willow bark tea for Faramir to drink from. "Perhaps she's been right all along."

Faramir grimaced in pain. He had been climbing a tree and had fallen out of hit, breaking his leg in the fall. It hurt more than anything he had ever experienced before and the long wait for Merry to show up with his herbs and treatments had been unbearable. Even worse was the realisation that the Harvest Feast was only three weeks away and he wouldn't be able to dance and play by then. He would be stuck sitting at some table while all of his friends entertained themselves and flirted with the pretty lasses.

"Just be glad this happened by the end of summer" Pippin said. "Had you broken your leg in May or June you would have missed all the happenings during summer."

"I'm missing enough as it is" Faramir complained.

"No more trees for you, that is for certain" Pippin said. "Perhaps it has been a mistake to let you climb those horrid things."

"You've always said trees are wonderful things and that they're not dangerous as long as you treat them well and are careful while climbing them" Faramir said.

"That is hard to repeat when your child has broken his leg falling out of one" Pippin said and made Faramir drink some more tea.

He wished Merry would hurry up and get back. He was out collecting some bark, at the time being Pippin was alone with Faramir. Pippin had never seen his son in this much pain and it broke his heart to see it. It had not been a clean break but luckily it was not as bad as it could have been and Merry wouldn't have to do much adjusting to it. But Pippin was still scared knowing what was coming. He had never helped Merry out with a broken bone before but once when he was a teenager he had broken his arm and the medic had had to adjust the bone pipes so that they were in the right position. It was the most painful thing Pippin had experienced, up until then at least, and it scared him to know that his lad would have to go through the same thing.

Finally Merry returned with a bag filled with bark and another brew in a cup. He gave it to Faramir to drink instead of the willow bark.

"This is much stronger" he told him. "You won't feel as much."

Faramir happily drank the tea and then nervously eyed Merry as he prepared the bark. When his uncle carefully grabbed his left leg he flinched. He could still feel the pain even though it wasn't as sharp, and it made him sick to his stomach.

"Perhaps it would be wise of you to close your eyes, Faramir" Merry said. "It's easier not having to watch… Pippin would you come and give me a hand please?"

Faramir pressed his eyes shut and wished his father hadn't removed the arm he had had over his shoulders. It was a comfort he really needed, but Merry needed Pippin more at the moment. Faramir could feel Merry's fingers locating the broken pipes and that alone hurt quite a lot.

"What do you need me to do?" Pippin asked and managed to sound quite calm even though he was very nervous.

"Place your hands right below his knee" Merry said. "And just hold tight. I need you to offer a counter force while I pull the leg back into place. But let's wait a minute first."

"Isn't it better to just get it over with?" Pippin asked.

"I'm waiting for Faramir to go to sleep" Merry said. "While he's asleep his muscles relax and I won't risk injuring anything while I adjust the bones. Not to mention he won't feel a thing."

"Oh thank you" Pippin said with a huge sigh of relief. "I remember when my arm was broken, they didn't have to adjust it much at all but it still hurt real bad! I've been fretting inside over how much this is going to hurt for poor Faramir, but if he's asleep he won't have to be hurt!"

"Not while he's sleeping at any rate" Merry said. "But it will hurt a lot when he wakes up. Be sure to give him a lot of willow bark tea. He seems to be sleeping now, will you make sure for me though?"

Pippin gently shook Faramir's shoulder but got no response. Merry once more fingered the leg to find the pipes and pressed a little harder than before. When no response came from Faramir he knew it was time to get to work.

"All right!" he said. "I will pull, you will hold back."

"Can I have my eyes closed?" Pippin asked.

"If you think you can manage holding back and closing your eyes at the same time" Merry said dryly. "Alright, let's go."

He took a firm grip of the boy's leg and pulled as hard as he could. Pippin efficiently held back on the other end, forcing the bone pipes to separate and then with a sound that made Pippin cringe fall back into their right places.

"There we go!" Merry said, sounding as if they had just shoed a horse and not pulled a broken leg into its right place. "All better. Now it will heal in the right position and it won't bother him in the future. I just need to make a cast out of the bark and splint it. It will heal perfectly so long as you keep tabs on him and make sure he doesn't move around too much and move the splint or cast out of place. Hand me that stick, will you?"

Pippin handed him one of the sticks Merry used to splint broken bones and held Faramir's leg steady while Merry worked on making the cast. Merry hummed a happy tune while he worked and it occurred to Pippin that he saw these kind of injuries all the time and didn't find anything unusually disturbing or upsetting about them. It was comforting to see Merry treat Faramir's broken leg like a walk in the park.

"How long before he'll be able to walk on it again?" Pippin asked.

"Two months at least, so that it can heal" Merry said. "You need to make him crutches. For three days now I want him in bed rest so that the first bit of the healing process can go undisturbed. Plus the cast needs some time to become hard and solid."

"He'll be on his feet in time for the end of harvest" Pippin said. "He is not going to be pleased about having to baby-sit during slaughter."

"His own fault for climbing trees and falling out of them" Merry said with a smile to show he was only half-serious. "It might be good for him to baby-sit for a while. And you know Cordy will try to sneak him anything tasty he can steal from the kitchen."

"I remember when I was eighteen and broke my arm" Pippin said with a smile. "That was the first year you ever stole anything at all from the kitchen. Sausages and pigs ears and whatnot! You got away with it too, since nobody suspected decent old Merry to be the thief. I don't even think you ate much of it yourself."

"I ate none of it actually, I gave it all to you" Merry said. "Cordy won't be that generous, I can tell you."

Pippin smiled. Thinking of old times made him feel happy to have gotten this far. So many times in life he had expected never to grow very old, yet now he was over sixty. Merry was seventy years old now and for the first time Pippin began to feel uncomfortable with the age difference between them. If Merry lived to see his eleventifirst birthday Pippin would still have eight years to live before he reached that age. Whenever Merry died Pippin would have years ahead of him, maybe even more than a decade. He didn't want to survive his cousin by that many years.

Merry however seemed unbothered by it all. Though he would probably get to die first and not have to be left behind alone. Pippin remembered when he had been twenty-eight and on the battlefield by the Black Gates. He had thought that Merry and he ought to die together, and he had taken for granted that it would be the case. They would both die within a short time and Pippin had been fine with that somehow. At least they would die at the same time. But they had both survived and now old age would most likely be what killed them. Merry would reach old age before Pippin did. It made Pippin very uncomfortable.

But at least they were together now and for many years to come. Pippin no longer had to walk out to the meadows at night and speak with Merry who wasn't there in person. He had not spoken to Merry without Merry being present since his cousin's return, and he no longer heard his voice other than when Merry was actually speaking. Pippin no longer worried that he was losing his mind. But deep down inside he wondered what would happen when Merry passed away. Perhaps Pippin would lose his mind for good when that happened.

* * *

Leave a review please! And I will try to update within the next couple of weeks! Bye for now! 


	25. 1453

**Author**'**s Note**: Wow… Long time since I last posted a chapter! I can't believe it's been so long… But I haven't forgotten about this story or given up on it! I've even written a few chapters during summer, but it's not been running smoothly. I feel like I've lost the style I had before, perhaps that's why I haven't posted any of my latest chapters… But here it is, the 25th chapter of the story, hopefully not too awful! I feel like some parts are very jumpy and uneven, I don't like it one bit. But I can't be bothered rewriting anymore, I'll just post it the way it is now and hope it's okay enough. I'm having some real trouble with the upload system, which has changed since I last used it, so if this chapter looks odd for any reason with paragraphs and such that is the reason.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters except for Merry's children.

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"Pippin I'm cold" Merry complained and rubbed his aching hands. "We need to find ourselves an inn and fast!"

Pippin nodded, shivering in the cold. They had been out riding when a snowstorm had suddenly hit them. Winter had been very unpredictable this time around, but nobody had expected a snowstorm. Now they had to find refuge somewhere.

"The cottage!" he cried over the howling wind. "We're not far from there!"

"The cottage is going to be as freezing as out here!" Merry objected.

"At least there won't be any wind there! And we can start a fire! Come on."

Pippin drove Crow to a gallop and Merry followed on Dusky. It took them a while to reach the cottage, by the time they had gotten the ponies into the stable, fed and dried up they were both so cold they could barely move their fingers.

"How about that fire now?" Merry said. "Keep rubbing your hands, it will keep blood going through them."

"I hate being cold, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it" Pippin said.

They made their way inside and Pippin started up a fire while Merry found something to cook soup from. Before long they were cooped up in a resting chair each, wrapped up in blankets Pippin found and with bowls of hot soup to warm them up.

"See I told you this cottage would be a good idea" Pippin said.

"I haven't argued with that. For the past six years. When last we used it."

"It's here for emergencies" Pippin said. "Be glad when you don't have to use it. Admit it's lovely to be someplace where trees shield from the wind?"

"Yes Pip, it's swell" Merry agreed.

"So how long do you think we're going to be stuck here?" Pippin asked and looked outside. All he could see was snow. "I know Dimesy will worry about me if we're gone for days!"

"She won't worry. She'll think you're at the Hall, Estella will think I'm at the Smials and everyone will be happy."

"We won't unless we have firewood to cover us for a few days. Do you really think it will storm for that long though?"

"No" Merry said. "It might even be over before supper."

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Suppertime came and went, the snowstorm still raging outside. Pippin and Merry realised they would probably be stuck in the cottage over night since it would be too dark and cold to ride back soon even if the blizzard did end. Pippin went out to the stable to check on the ponies while Merry made the beds so they would have someplace to sleep.

The storm was still howling when they got up in their beds, wrapped their quilts and watching the fire burn. Pippin had brought in some fuel to the fire while he was out, but it would have to dry before they could use it. With any lucky it wouldn't be necessary but neither of them wanted to take a chance.

"This storm sure took us by surprise" Merry stated after a long time of silence.

"It's not supposed to snow like this! Even in January! Not if the rest of the winter has been snow free!"

Merry nodded.

"Oh well… At least we're indoors. Remember up on Charadras, the night we spend outside in the blizzard?"

"Remember it?" Pippin cried. "How could I forget? I was sure we were going to freeze to death, even Legolas seemed cold!"

"Compared to that, this is pretty nice" Merry said.

Pippin nodded. As long as the fire kept burning they would be quite alright, it wasn't too cold inside the cottage even if it wasn't as nice and warm as the Smials would have been. But what to do for the long hours of the blizzard?

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"Sometimes he worries me" Pippin admitted. "He's a good lad, a great lad, but there are some things he does which I don't approve of."

"And you think uncle Paladin approved of your sneaking away from chores, stealing food, drinking people under the table and whatnot?" Merry asked, slightly amused.

"At least I never disrespected anyone."

"How about the time you tipped over Ted Proudfoot's favorite cows and let Frodo take the blame for it?"

"That was different" Pippin said. "I know Faramir still flirts with lasses and kisses them and things like that at parties. He's playing with their feelings."

"He's an irresponsible tween!" Merry said. "Tweens do all sorts of crazy things. Just look at what **you** did when you were in those ages!"

"That's not the same" Pippin said. "I've tried to raise him to be all the things that a good man should be yet he seems to be starting to revolt against me."

"He's not a man" Merry pointed out. "He's a Hobbit. He's not meant to be strict and noble and military and all of that. Try as you may you won't be able to turn him into Faramir of Ithilien. Faramir of Tuckburough will do just fine."

"Faramir, Faramir of Ithilien I mean, is exactly what I've always wanted my son to be" Pippin said.

"Denethor wanted his son to be something other than that. He wanted him to be more like Boromir. You know and love both brothers, they are as different as night and day yet both good men. You need to let go of your ideas of young Faramir growing up to have all the traits his namesake has."

"He doesn't have to be exactly like old Faramir, I know he never will be" Pippin said. "And I love him for who he is! But there are still some things that he does that I thought I had taught him better than to do."

"He's in his irresponsible tweens" Merry said again. "He might grow out of it."

"I'm thinking of sending him to Gondor when he gets a little older" Pippin told Merry. "I spoke to Aragorn about it when he came to the Shire all those years ago. Most of what I know about how to be a Thain I didn't learn from my father, I learned it from Aragorn, Faramir and my journeys. A year or two in Gondor, under education by Aragorn, would do him a lot of good and help him out a lot in the future."

"Good idea. But how are you going to get Diamond to agree on this?"

"By not giving her a say in it. He's not her baby anymore she can't interfere with everything he does."

"Perhaps I should send Théo as well, to Éomer" Merry said. "Now there's one I don't know what to do with!"

"What's wrong with Théo?" Pippin had to ask.

"He shows no interest whatsoever in his upcoming duties" Merry said. "I take a few hours each week to teach him about all sorts of things he'll need but honestly I'm starting to wonder if my son is stupid. From one week to another he can completely forget everything I've taught him. Two months ago he had trouble remembering what willow bark is used for!"

"He's probably just nervous" Pippin said. "You know Théo, he gets nervous easily."

"Gets that from his mother, he does."

"Your own fault for marrying a Bolger."

"I can't get him to be that interested in farming either" Merry complained. "All of his brothers do their fair share but he always manages to end up sitting in some ditch somewhere relaxing. It's like he's afraid to do an honest day's work."

"He's in his irresponsible tweens" Pippin now reminded his cousin.

Merry gave him a look but didn't reply. He wrapped his blanket closer around him and stared into the fire.

"You're going to have to go to Bag End and see what supplies they need" he said after a minute. "Winter seems to be coming back full force."

"Yes" Pippin said. "I hate having to go there for that reason… I guess it never crossed Sam's mind that if you put ten children into the world then you're going to need a lot of supplies to feed them all. Being a gardener does not put bread on the table, they cannot all live on cucumbers and tomatoes. Has there been a single year in the past decade when I haven't had to give them tax food just so they can make it through winter? And you know Sam and his pride, he doesn't want to accept any of the food more than once a winter."

"Yes, I know" Merry said. "I've tried a million times to offer him flour or corn but he refuses. Says it's his job to provide for his family, not mine. Stupid Hobbit, he should have learned a long time ago that friends are there for you and you're meant to accept the help they have to offer. In secret I think he's beginning to long for when Rosie, Goldie and Daisy get married and move out. He'll probably make Merry and Pippin move out as well when they marry. He can't feed their growing families as well."

"It's all backwards" Pippin said. "He should have my economy and I should have his, I have one child to feed while he has nine."

"No use thinking like that" Merry said. "And he put those nine children into the world he had better provide for them or accept our help."

"To think there were supposed to be twelve of them living at home still" Pippin said. "Can you imagine?"

"I have six and that's driving me insane enough as it is!" Merry said. "How Sam survived when there were ten of them I'll never know."

"Sam's stubborn enough."

"But still! I remember when we only had Éowyn, that was difficult enough! Never getting to sleep through a night, having to rearrange schedules all the time, changing nappies and trying to get her to go to sleep… And then Théo came along and suddenly we had two little ones! As hard as it had been with one it was nothing compared to having two. You never really got any rest, if you weren't looking after one you were looking after the other."

"Rather, Estella didn't get any rest" Pippin said. "You were out working in the fields most of the time."

"I'll tell you, it's no wonder we didn't have our third until three years later!" Merry said. "Who has the time for romance when you're so exhausted at night that you fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow?"

"Sam does" Pippin said. "Goldie, Ham, Daisy, Primsy… All came just about a year apart from one another."

"Like I said, I don't know how he survived. Or Rose for that matter! When Aramac was born at least Éowyn and Théo weren't babies anymore. Though three children took some time to adjust to as well, that's for sure. Then we had Cordy and by then I guess it was easier."

"Éowyn was seven by then and Théo six, no wonder things were easier" Pippin said.

"But then Lucky came less than a year after Cordy" Merry said. "By all rights, Lucimac shouldn't even be here. I should never have gotten my wife pregnant so soon after she had Cordy, I knew better than that. She wouldn't keep still during her pregnancy and it resulted in the premature birth of the baby who survived against all odds. Add to that the number of times he has been sick, it's almost as if he's not meant to live."

"Why are you saying that?" Pippin asked. "You know he's meant to live!"

"Estella was not supposed to have another baby so soon after Cordy. And she was definitely not supposed to give birth after barely eight months! I'm grateful for every day we have with him but honestly Pip I don't believe he'll live to see his coming of age. I doubt I'll get to celebrate his 33rd birthday."

"You will" Pippin said. "Just like you will Lúthie's, even though Fever nearly killed her! You will see all your children coming of age."

"Her illness came as such a surprise to me" Merry said. "I had been so convinced that if I lost one of my children it would be Lucky, I was never prepared for death coming to one of the others! Somehow they seem invincible to me!"

"Your children always do, I guess" Pippin said. "Poor Sam, who's had to bury three. Tom and Ruby were hard enough even though they were infants, but Hamfast! Had it been Faramir I don't know what I would have done! Probably jumped in the Brandywine too!"

"No parent should have to bury their child" Merry said.

"How did Sam get over that?" Pippin asked. "I still think it's odd to visit Bag End and not see Ham there. Every September 22nd it's so obvious that he's not there anymore! It has to be a constant pain for Sam and Rosie, I don't see how they can be so normal."

"I guess after a while you learn to live with it" Merry said. "They have ten other children who they have to go on for. You can't get over the death of a child, or perhaps you can if it's an infant, but Ham was ten when he died. Or was he eleven? Gosh Pip, I can't even remember anymore. Have that many years really passed?"

"He would be closing in on twenty now had he lived" Pippin said. "I can't picture what he would look like. All I see is the boy he was when he drowned."

"You can't get over losing a child" Merry said again. "But perhaps you can find other things to care about and somehow get over that worst grief. Whenever Sam thinks of Ham I know he's really sad, but he's found the way to move on. But even Hobbits can't set aside some grieves."

"Did Rosie have Tolman before or after Ham died?" Pippin asked. "All those years are just a big chaos in my head."

"Before. Ham drowned the year they came back from Gondor. I think. Two children in two years, what a tragedy."

"Had it been my Faramir I don't know what I would have done" Pippin said. "I would lose you before I lose him."

"I guess you can't take any life for granted" Merry said. "If it's not drowning then diseases come… Or wars are fought."

"One thing I've always wondered…" Pippin said. "During the War, didn't king Théoden's son die?"

"Théodred, yes."

"One could not tell by looking at him. I only met him briefly but he didn't seem that concerned. Not the way I know I'd feel in his shoes."

"He had other things to worry about" Merry said. "Grieving over his dead son was a luxury he didn't have. In many ways I think I came to replace Théodred for him. Théoden King was a father to me and I a son to him, by moving his love for his son over onto me he could set aside his grief and focus on what he had to do. At least I think so. What do I know, maybe I had nothing to do with him being able to keep his head on the War and not his son's death."

"A lot of people lost their sons, their fathers, brothers and husbands during the War" Pippin said. "Yet everyone seemed so happy when it was all over. I guess the relief of being free was stronger than the grief of those who had given their life for that freedom."

"It was an honorable way to die" Merry said. "If any of my sons had to die at a premature age I would have them dying gloriously in battle rather than falling ill or having an accident."

"I can't picture Théo in a war" Pippin said and had to giggle. "Aramac maybe, certainly Cordy. And Lucky would want to but Estella would chain him to a beam before letting him ride out. A bit backwards really since he's the only one who would manage to get through it without as much as a scrape."

"That's true" Merry said and had to laugh as well. "Say what you want about Lucky but he earns his name. Except for when it comes to illnesses."

"Faramir would be great in a war" Pippin said with a proud smile. "He's brave enough, that I know! And he would do his best at all times."

"He's your son" Merry said. "He wouldn't give up without a fight. It's almost queer that your only child is so much like you. Look at my six, only Aramac is really like me."

"And Éowyn" Pippin said. "And I bet she would ride out to battle too if she had to."

"Out of the question" Merry said. "**I **would chain her to a beam!"

"And Lúthien would tell her that maybe she could go if she wished it" Pippin laughed.

"Lúthien, there's a lass with some sense in her head!" Merry said. "She doesn't like adventures, she doesn't like travels, she's a normal Hobbit! How did I manage to have children who long for adventures in foreign lands?"

"I bet your father asked himself the same thing" Pippin said.

"It's not doing much to improve the Brandybuck name" Merry said. "We're almost considered as queer as the Tooks now!"

"Take it as a compliment" Pippin suggested. "And you know everyone admires you Merry, even though you're as queer as they come!"

"Thanks" Merry said and stuck his tongue out at his cousin.

"Hey!" Pippin said and perked his ears. "Do you hear that? It sounds like the wind is calming!"

"Pippin, it's a blizzard" Merry said. "The wind sometimes calms and then it begins to howl again!"

"Oh yeah?" Pippin said and crawled out of his blankets and tiptoed over to the window. He pulled aside the curtain and looked out. "The wind is definitely not blowing as hard anymore! I'd say it's over."

"Get back into your covers or you'll catch a cold" Merry said. "Doesn't matter if the blizzard is over we're stuck here overnight anyway."

"But I was right" Pippin grinned. "And you were wrong." He began dancing back to the beds while singing to himself. "I was right and you were wrong. I was right and you were wrong."

"I wouldn't get used to it if I were you" Merry said.

"Oh I'm always right when we debate, Merry."

"You are not!"

"I am so!"

With an offended grunt Merry picked up a pillow and banged it at Pippin.

"And I'm also maturer than you" Pippin commented.

"It's 'more mature'."

"Whatever."

"I was right and you were wrong" Merry sang.

Pippin rolled his eyes and crawled back into his sheets. This had the potential of being a very long night if they were going to keep this up. Merry was still singing his little song and Pippin grabbed a pillow to bang at his cousin with.

"Now we're even!" he said.

"You think so, huh?" Merry said and banged his pillow at Pippin.

Before long they were in the middle of a huge pillow fight. Banging his pillow a little to hard at his cousin, Pippin managed to rip it open and eiderdown went snowing down all over him. Merry threw his head back and roared with laugher, losing balance and falling backwards on his bed. Pippin wasn't as amused. This was indeed going to be a long night.

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Eventually winter ended and gave way for spring. After having snow during the last months of winter everyone was happy to be out running in the grass again, every mother had a hard time keeping her children nearby as they ran off through the high grass to pick whatever flowers might have begun to blossom.

Spring was just about to turn into summer when Diamond's mother died, the last of Faramir's grandparents to leave the world. After her funeral Pippin and Diamond went to Long Cleeve to go through Diamond's parents' belongings together with her sisters. Jewel, the oldest, was going to move into the house together with her husband and their two sons, but Diamond and Crystal both wanted some things too.

The first night however they didn't talk about who would get what and why. They sat down to dinner instead, the three sisters and their husbands, all children left at home. It was a strange dinner, the three sisters hadn't sat down to dine like this in over ten years. Whenever they met for dinner there was always a much larger crowd around. All six at the table were happy when the meal was over and they could retreat to go to bed.

Diamond thoughtfully folded an old blanket that was still on her bed since she had moved out. Pippin stood by the window and looked out, thoughtful as well. Both of them felt strange being back in this room.

It had been Diamond's room for thirty-two years before she had moved out to live with her new husband at Crickhollow. The room was small, just a small bed, a nightstand and enough room for four or five people to stand. They were going to have to sleep huddled tonight, but they didn't mind.

Pippin watched the setting sun and remembered the last time he had been in this room. Diamond had been pregnant with Faramir, they had come to fetch some old things she had made when she was younger, some blankets and other things they could use for the upcoming baby. Pippin had felt a bit awkward at that time, it had felt like they were two young kids playing house, like his sisters had forced him to do when he was little. But it hadn't been a game, it had all been for real. So much time had passed since then.

He remembered other times he had spent in this room. Times only he and Diamond knew of, and Merry and surely one or two of Diamond's friends. And her sisters. When he thought about it, a lot of people probably knew of those times. But Diamond's parents had never known, at least Pippin hoped not.

"A penny for your thoughts" Diamond said.

"Just… reminiscing" he said.

"Remembering times of old?"

"Something like that."

"We have come so far since then" Diamond said. "Thain and The Took, you are. Parents we both are together. We don't have to force ourselves to say goodbye after trying to make room on my small bed, we have a nice, big bed and we never have to say goodbye at night."

Pippin nodded slightly but seemed lost in his thoughts. Diamond put aside the blanket and walked up to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder, on the soft fabric of his favorite cape. A smile appeared on her lips and she looked up at him.

"Do you remember how I used to ask you not to go?" she asked. "What torture it was to part? How I used to ask you to stay just a little while longer, but we both knew that each 'little while' turned into minutes, turned into hours?"

"As much as we hated parting I had to go before the rising of the sun, or your parents would catch me" Pippin added, smiling now too.

"How those long nights always seemed so short, and no matter how late the hour it was impossible to get tired… And falling asleep once we had parted, it was impossible."

"Not for me" Pippin admitted. "By the time I got back to Crickhollow I was practically asleep on my pony! Good old Fox…"

"Well now I am your wife" Diamond said. "And there is no reason for you to go tonight. I will keep you here."

Pippin looked over his shoulder at her old bed.

"And that small, uncomfortable bed of yours… I honestly haven't missed it, though I'll admit I didn't quite notice how uncomfortable it was half the time. I wonder if it will be big enough for the two of us now."

"We'll make room" Diamond said and rested her cheek on his shoulder. "Maybe we can just pretend we're back in the days when we were betrothed, and what a luxury it would have been then to get to sleep through a night together."

"Imagine how much we would have done just to get to **sleep** next to each other" Pippin said. "Love is a funny thing."

"Indeed it is" Diamond agreed. She took a step back and grabbed his hand, turning him around. "Come on now, fiancé." She pulled him into her arms and kissed him. "Pretend we're back in the days when we were betrothed" she murmured in his ear. "I'll let you do what you weren't allowed to do back then."

Pippin grinned and continued to kiss her as they backed towards the bed. They broke the kiss and Diamond climbed up on the bed, which creaked when she did. They both burst out giggling at the sound. Indeed it had been a long time since they had been in this room, on this bed.

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Diamond woke up for the seventh time that night by Pippin turning. There was room enough for one Hobbit in the bed but two was a bit much. Every time he turned he woke her and she was getting annoyed.

"Hey, squirmer!" she hissed. "Keep still, would you?"

"I can't sleep" Pippin complained.

"I told you five apples were more than enough."

"No, it's not that."

"What is it then?"

"I just… it just…"

"What?" she asked.

"I can't help but feel like we did something wrong tonight."

"Why? Because we made love in my old room?"

"Well, yes."

"Pippin, it's not wrong when you are married. We have been married for close to thirty years. Why is it bugging you now?"

"Before we were married I think we both wanted to, but we knew we couldn't. I was not even supposed to be in your room without a chaperone. Your mother and father never knew you used to sneak me in here."

"Darling, they knew."

"They did?" Pippin asked, eyes as big as plates.

"Mother did anyway. She asked me once if you were doing something to me that you weren't supposed to. I assured her you weren't."

"Oh my!" Pippin said. "Now I'm almost glad I'll never have to look her in the eye again! What must she have thought of me?"

"She loved you" Diamond said. "Even though you're about as Took as they come. After we met, before you proposed to me, she would tell me to 'hold on to that Took lad'. After we married she would tell my sisters good luck in finding someone as good."

Pippin couldn't help but laugh.

"What's wrong with your sisters' husbands?"

"Well Mother had high standards. If they've never saved the world then they're not good enough" Diamond joked.

"I think she just liked me since I was such a pushover" Pippin laughed. "Somehow she always had me running out to get the water or helping her do the weeding."

"That might have had something to do with it" Diamond agreed. "That, and you always brought her flowers."

"Actually I always brought **you** flowers. But your mother would seize them before I had a chance to give them to you."

"Well she was greatly impressed by your good manners. So was Father. Though I think you scared Crystal."

"Scared her?"

"You were unusually tall, you were adventurous and you once said something in a foreign language. It doesn't take more than that to scare Crystal. May I remind you that she's married to the most ordinary Hobbit in all of the Shire?"

Pippin smiled slightly and turned once again. Diamond groaned.

"You have to stop turning! Go to sleep!"

"I still feel like we might have done something wrong tonight…"

"Nonsense. We're not youngsters anymore, we're married and we can do whatever we like. It's never bothered you to be together at your parents' home, why be bothered at my parents' old home?"

"Because this was never **our** home" Pippin said. "It feels like disrespecting your parents. Honestly, it does."

"Fool of a Took" Diamond murmured and wrapped an arm around him. "Just go to sleep. I am exhausted."

"Also," Pippin said after a minute's silence, "it's pretty hard to go to sleep when you're brother-in-law is snoring like that!"

"That's not my brother-in-law" Diamond said.

"Don't tell me…"

"Jewel" Diamond said and yawned big. "Now stop talking Peregrin and let me go to sleep. We have a hard day in front of us tomorrow."

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Three days later Diamond and Pippin were packing the last things. The three sisters had divided their parents' things between them, most things had been kept by Jewel who was going to live in the house. Diamond had her things loaded on a cart outside, ready to take them back to the Smials. She only had a few more things to bring from her old room before her nephew moved in.

"Do you have everything now?" Pippin asked and lifted up her last sack.

"I think so" she said. "Though actually I'm thinking about bringing the bed."

"Tell me you're joking."

"Why not? It's so full of memory…"

"So is our bed at the Smials. Your old bed is, well, **old**. And all rusty and squeaky."

"It can be fixed."

"Do as you wish then" Pippin said and flung the sack over his shoulder. "I guess we could force guests we don't like to sleep in it."

"Oh off with you!" Diamond said. "I won't bring the bed then. Come to think of it, it belongs in this room."

"You don't anymore" Pippin said gently. "Come on, let's go. Faramir is waiting for us at the Smials."

"You're absolutely right" Diamond said. "I don't belong in this room anymore."

"Were you thinking that perhaps you did?" Pippin asked.

"No. It's been very clear these few days. I belong with you."

"Then come home with me. Don't linger here anymore. I know it's full of memory, you spent thirty years here. It will get easier, I promise."

Suddenly Diamond began to cry.

"I have so many memories of my mother in this room!" she said. "How she would tuck me in at night when I was little! Feed me soup when I was ill! When I got older she would come wake me up each morning after a party, with some porridge and dozens of questions of how my night had been. She was always eager to know what I was up to and if I had a good time."

Pippin put the sack down and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, holding her while she cried.

"I know…" he said soothingly. "I know…"

"I'll never see her again."

"I know…"

"Pip?" she said after a few minutes.

"Yes?"

"Can we please take the bed?"

"Go get Geribrand, tell him to come help me move it."

"Thank you" Diamond said and did her best to dry her tears.

"Don't mention it. And don't dry your tears, love. Not all tears are bad."

"Sometimes I think you've spent too much time with Elves and wizards" she said and managed to smile.

"Go get Gerry now! Hurry! The sooner we can get the bed up on the cart the sooner we can go home and you'll feel better. I promise."

She smiled slightly at him and walked off to find Jewel's husband. Pippin took another look at the old rusty bed. Perhaps it would be nice to have it at the Smials. He had spent some of the happiest nights of his life in that bed after all.

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Late one night in August Estella shook Merry awake.

"Merry!"

"What?" Merry mumbled and rolled over on his other side, away from her. "Go away, I'm sleeping."

"Merry it's **me**" she said and shook him harder. "Wake up!"

"I'll wake up in the morning."

"Merry" she said in a firm voice which always worked on the children.

He groaned and opened one eye, rolling over again to face her.

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Goodnight then."

"Merry I want to talk."

"No time like a few hours from the present" came the answer from her practically sleeping husband.

"Merry please wake up" she complained and gave his arm a pinch.

"Ouch!" he said and opened both eyes. Then he sighed and sat up. "All right, you win. What's the big emergency?"

"I can't sleep."

Merry groaned loudly and fell back down.

"Well now neither can I! You wake me up just because you can't sleep?"

"You do that to me every other night."

"That's a lie" Merry mumbled. "Only once or twice a week, mind you. You ought to be glad I was asleep and let me be."

"Merry" Estella groaned and sat up, shaking him hard.

"Okay, okay, I'm up" he moaned and unwillingly sat up again.

"I've been lying awake for hours" Estella said. "And I've been thinking a whole lot."

"Good for you" Merry said with a yawn.

"I've been thinking about the party we had on September 22nd…"

"What about it?"

"Rosie told me something" Estella said and laid back down again. "She told me that she has now passed her child bearing years but she and Sam still sleep in separate bedrooms."

"I know that already" Merry said and laid down too.

"It made me think…"

"About how unfortunate Sam is?" Merry asked.

"No, you twit!"

"Then what?" Merry asked and wrapped an arm around her. He waited for an answer but didn't get one. "If you're going to keep me up to talk it helps if you actually talk."

"Rose can't have children anymore."

"Rose hasn't been able to have children since Tom's birth" Merry said.

"She and Sam have a big family. I've always wanted a big family."

"Ours is big enough."

"If we are to have a seventh child we must have it soon, I won't be able to have babies for more than a couple of years."

"You aren't going to have a seventh" Merry said. "You might still be able to conceive but you are too old to be pregnant. I won't do that to you."

"It is not your decision, it is mine whether I want to bear a seventh or not. And I want to. I really do."

"Not my decision?" Merry echoed. "It is very much my decision. It is **our** decision."

"But ultimately it's mine, I'm the one who would carry the child. Darling, I want a seventh child before it is too late!"

"Éowyn is turning twenty-four!" Merry exclaimed. "Lúthien fourteen! You want to have a seventh child **now**?"

"No time like nine months from the present" Estella lamely joked.

"You are not having another baby" Merry said firmly. "Not by me you aren't."

"Could it hurt to at least try?" Estella asked.

"You're too old!" Merry said again. "Lasses your age are not supposed to have babies! You're almost seventy!"

"I can still have one last baby" Estella insisted. "Don't you miss it, Merry? Don't you miss the way it felt to have a newborn baby? I do! Wouldn't it be wonderful to have an infant in the house again?"

"For fifteen years I didn't get to sleep through a night" Merry said. "I don't long back to those days."

"Stop thinking about the downsides" Estella said. "Don't you remember what it was like to go to sleep with a baby between us? Hearing a child call us mama and dada for the first time? Seeing them grow…"

"Yes I remember" Merry said. "But we got to do that six times. Honey I think you're just having some form of anxiety attack because the children are growing older and more independent. A seventh baby is not the answer."

"I **want** to have another baby" Estella said. "I want to bear your child one last time. I want to be a mother again."

"I'm sorry" Merry said. "But it's not going to happen. Six is enough. We've done our part for parenting infants."

"Won't you at least think about it?"

"No."

"Please? For me?"

"It's for you that I won't even consider it" Merry said. "There is a reason why lasses are young when they have their babies."

"I still have a couple of years" Estella said. "But it's not much time and I want to have another baby soon, before it is too late."

"Fine, then this conversation is over" Merry said and rolled over on his side. "You're obviously not listening to me. Better to have this discussion tomorrow, when we've both slept and you are more reasonable."

"I am being reasonable. Won't you please listen?"

"For fourteen years you haven't gotten pregnant" Merry pointed out. "It's not going to happen for you in the next two or three."

"I haven't been drinking that tea for a few weeks now."

Merry turned and stared at her.

"What did you say?"

"I know why you give me that tea. I know it's so that I won't get pregnant. So I haven't been drinking it lately."

"So in other words you could already **be** pregnant?"

"Would that be so terrible?"

"I cannot believe you!" Merry cried. "How could you do such a thing! And without consulting me?"

"Oh who are you to talk?" Estella said, suddenly angry. "You have been giving me that bloody tea for fourteen years, not once telling me that it was to prevent us from having another child! I don't care why you did that, you had no right to make such a decision over my head! Now I made the opposite decision above yours but at least I have the decency to tell you about it!"

"I did it for your own good" Merry said. "Six is enough, you shouldn't put yourself through anymore!"

"Rose had twelve without a problem. And that is not the issue." Her good mood from a moment ago had vanished and been replaced by anger. "You aren't talking your way out of this one! You went behind my back, you tricked me!"

"Don't you understand? I was afraid that having another baby would kill you!"

"Why would you think that?" Estella asked. "Not even Lucky's birth put me in any jeopardy! And if you were so worried why didn't you just **tell** me? I'm not an idiot, I would have understood. And I would have agreed to drink that bloody tea. But you didn't even talk to me about it, you just decided. If you were really worried you should have done what you forced Sam to do and kept your lust under control!"

"I didn't think you would agree to drink the tea if you knew what it was for."

"Then you shouldn't have slept with me!" Estella repeated. "You had no right to make such an important decision without talking to me about it first. You were so angry with me for going behind your back yet you have been going behind mine for all our daughter's life!"

"It's not the same."

"No, this is worse" Estella said angrily. "And it's downright humiliating!"

"That was not my intention" Merry said, shocked by her sudden change of mood. From wanting to carry his child to angry with him in a minute.

"I don't care what your intention was, you had no right! For more than a decade I've wondered if there's something wrong with me, why I haven't had another child! And it turns out it's my husband's fault!"

"Estella--"

"Save it" Estella said. "I don't want to hear it. You put me through a lot when I had read your papers. But in truth you are much worse yourself, you betrayed me for years and years!"

"Hey, I never lied to you! I never said you **could** have a baby!"

"I never lied to you either!"

"I know what I did was wrong, but I was only trying to protect you!"

"Had you thought like that earlier we would never have had Lúthie. Or Lucky, or perhaps even Cordy. Maybe Aramac, even! If you had thought that you didn't want to risk me dying at childbirth after your heir had been born four of our children would not be here today!"

"Frankly I never should have gotten you pregnant with Lucky!"

"How can you say that?"

"He was supposed to be born a year after Cordy. A year! I should have let you regain your strength for much longer!"

"Oh it's always about you, isn't it?" Estella said. "You just love to take on full responsibility for everything and you seem to think I am unable of making any proper decisions. I raised your children into proper adults, those of them who are adults, did I not? And don't you ever say to me that Lucky was not meant to be."

"Estella…" Merry said. "Why do you want to have a seventh child with me if you're so mad at me right now? Do you want to punish me for having gone behind your back by having a baby?"

"This isn't about you" Estella said. "This is about me, wanting another child. A child that would have rightfully been born ten years ago. There is nothing you can say or do to give me those unborn children back, but I do feel like you owe it to me to give me one more while I still can!"

"I will not risk your life."

"That decision is off your hands."

"Obviously we won't get anywhere with this discussion tonight" Merry said. "I don't care what you say I will not give in to you on this matter. Your childbearing days are over, all I can do is say that I am sorry!"

"You're not sorry. You're pleased."

"I cannot make it undone."

"And you can't expect me to trust you anymore."

Merry sighed deeply.

"So we're going to go through all of that again?"

"What's the matter? You don't like it when you're in the receiving end?"

"I don't like it much in any end."

"Suit yourself. Now goodnight."

Estella pulled the covers around her and turned her back at him. Merry did the same and spent the next few hours going through in his head what had just happened. He had never thought Estella would find out about the tea, by now he had been giving it to her for so many years that he had almost forgotten that he hadn't told her about it. How had she found out? And for how long had she known? But most importantly, what if she was pregnant? Merry didn't think it was very likely at her age but one could never be sure. The only thing he knew for sure at the moment was that the upcoming weeks, maybe even months, would be unpleasant.

XXX

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XXX

Pippin Gamgee opened the door to the hay barn and looked inside. The barn appeared to be empty of Hobbits, filled only with hay and one of the many cats that ran in and out of the barns.

"Éowyn?" he called out.

Pippin was at Brandy Hall over summer to help out, and Estella had sent him to the barn where Éowyn was supposed to be to get hay for the ponies. But the barn seemed empty. Pippin stepped inside and stopped a few feet before the big hole that was dug in the ground and filled with hay, deciding that if Éowyn was currently with the ponies he would wait here for her to come back.

Pippin was sometimes amazed at how big Brandy Hall was and how many Hobbits lived there. Bag End was a big house, but for a family of twelve it had never been very spacey. He was very thankful that he had gotten to go work at Brandy Hall over summer, it felt good to be able to help his parents out. Merry had for many years tried to help Sam out during winter with food supplies but Sam had always been too proud to accept the offer. Then Merry had asked young Pippin to come and work over summer, claiming he needed an extra hand. Pippin knew it most likely wasn't true, there were plenty of Hobbits who could help out at the Hall, but in return for Pippin working there Merry would give Sam supplies over winter. It was a deal Sam could accept, and so Pippin had gone to Brandy Hall in May and was to stay until late September. He had never been away from home for that long before but he got to visit Bag End every weekend and Merry, his wife and children accepted him as a member of the family.

Suddenly something caught Pippin's attention, a noise in the hay. Éowyn's head appeared, her cheeks turning bright red when she saw Pippin still standing there. She was far too old to be playing around in the hay and she was very ashamed that she had been caught. Pippin however held a straight face and reached out his hand to her.

"Did you fall in, miss Éowyn?" he asked. "Come, let me help you out."

"Yes, I fell in, awfully clumsy of me" Éowyn said.

She grabbed his hand and let him help her out, and then began to brush the hay off her as best she could.

"Your mother sent me to find you" Pippin said.

"Oh goodness, I can't look like this!" Éowyn said. "Mother will throw a fit!"

Pippin picked a few strains of hay from her hair and smiled at her. Then he saw Lúthien stick her head up a bit behind them and grin at him. Pippin raised an eyebrow and nodded towards Éowyn, silently asking Lúthien if the two had been playing in the hay. Lúthien, unlike her sister, was still young enough to be doing so. Lúthien nodded and grinned.

"Fell into the hay, did you miss Éowyn?" Pippin said.

"Oh, well, perhaps I--" Éowyn began.

Before she could finish, Pippin gave her a push and she fell back into the hay with a shriek, happily applauded by Lúthien.

"Pippin Gamgee!" Éowyn cried.

Pippin took a leap down into the hay and began a hay-tossing fight with Éowyn, joined by Lúthien. Éowyn's angry and embarrassed look was soon replaced by laughter. They battled in the hay for a while until they had to stop to catch their breath.

"We used to play in the hay all the time when we were younger" Éowyn told Pippin.

"I've never done it before" Pippin said. "I must admit it's pretty fun."

"Théo used to hide here when he wanted to get away from a chore" Éowyn said. "He'd crawl deep into the hay and just lie there."

"Chores!" Pippin cried and made his way back up on the firm ground. "Your mother sent me to find you, she needed your help with something!"

"Oh dear" Éowyn said and with Pippin's help climbed up as well. "I had better go find her then! Oh look at me, I'm a mess!"

"No, you're just a bit hay-y" Pippin said with a smile and helped her get as much hay off her as possible. "Run along now, or your mother will be mad at me for delaying!"

"I'll tell her it was all my fault" Éowyn said. "Thank you Pippin!"

She ran off to find her mother. Pippin turned his attention back to Lúthien who was still in the hay.

"Will you play with me for a while longer?" she asked.

"I wished I could little lady, but I have tasks to do."

"You can't go off looking like that" Lúthien said. "Unless you plan on telling my father that you fell into the hay as well."

Pippin looked down and saw that he was just as covered in hay as Éowyn had been. He couldn't help but to laugh.

"I look like a scarecrow!" he said.

Lúthien grinned.

"Maybe you can stretch out your arms and stand in the oats fields?" she suggested.

"Same to you" Pippin said with a laugh.

XXX

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XXX

Éowyn found her mother right outside the main entrance to Brandy Hall, in the middle of what seemed to be a heated discussion with her father. Éowyn stopped and looked at them for a moment before deciding to go up to them.

"… leave again!" she heard her mother say.

"I don't have a choice Estella" Merry said and held up a letter to her.

"One always has a choice!" Estella angrily replied.

"Mam?" Éowyn said carefully. "You asked for me?"

"What?" Estella said and was suddenly reminded of what she had been up to prior to arguing with Merry. "Yes, I need you to go finish with the shirt you're knitting for Salvia's child, she will be having it by the end of the day. It's important that it's finished in time, hurry!"

Éowyn kept in a sigh. She hated knitting, sewing and all other things that involved yarn or cloth, but she knew she had no choice. She went inside followed by her parents who went inside her father's study to continue talking. Éowyn wished she knew what they were arguing about, it had sounded like they were discussing Merry leaving, but she was afraid to ask.

Just after Estella had sent Pippin Gamgee off to find Éowyn a letter had arrived to Merry by the pen of the lady Éowyn. She had told him in her letter that Elboron was to be married next spring and Merry was required to attend. This would mean that Merry had to leave in January at the latest in order to be in time for all the important ceremonies and he would most likely be gone for several months. He had told Estella right away and been greeted with anger.

"Why is it so important that you attend?" Estella now asked in the study.

"My best friend's son is getting married, isn't it clear why I should attend?" Merry asked. "Pippin and I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

"But you only just went there a couple of years ago!"

"I know, but there's nothing I can do about this Estella" Merry said. "Friendship and esquire duties aside, I am still required to be there according to their traditions! As long as I am alive Elboron can't have a proper wedding without me attending."

"It's not fair" Estella said.

"Life is not fair" Merry said. "I have to go, I have no choice. But I won't be leaving for another four months, so let's not get upset now over what comes later."

"This could not have come at a worse time" Estella said and sighed deeply.

Merry paused for a minute and wondered what that was supposed to mean. They hadn't been on very good terms with each other for the past two weeks since their argument. But he knew that before their argument they had been carrying on with life as usual only she had not been drinking her tea. He could feel a knot in his stomach.

"Estella what do you mean by that?" he had to ask.

"Don't be a fool, Meriadoc" Estella said. "You know perfectly well."

Merry stared at her without saying anything. Was it possible that she was pregnant? If she was, there was no way he could leave, he would be in Ithilien when the baby was born. And he had a strong feeling he would be needed at that birth.

"You're pregnant aren't you?" he said.

"What? No I'm not pregnant" Estella said, sounding irritated. "I am talking about the way things are between us. Last time we had a big fight you took off and left! And now you're doing it again!"

"Not by choice this time" Merry said, taking a deep breath of relief at hearing she wasn't pregnant.

"What does it matter whether or not it's by choice?" Estella asked. "You know something? I'm going to go see how Éowyn is doing. Right now I don't quite feel like carrying on with this discussion. I know how it's going to end anyway. You're going to leave when the new year comes regardless of how I feel."

With a sigh she left the study to go find Éowyn. Merry sat down by his desk to write a letter of reply to the Lady and let her know when to expect him. In his mind he had to agree with Estella, this did not come at a good time at all. But he had to go to the wedding and he had no intention of letting Elboron down.

XXX

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In mid-December, about a month before Merry and Pippin's departure, Merry came back inside from a ride and rubbed his aching hands together to warm them up. He looked up when Estella entered the room, closed the door behind her and leaned against the door. He smiled half-heartedly at her. Their relationship hadn't been the best over the past months.

"How long before you leave now?" Estella asked.

"Three weeks" Merry said. "Pip and I were going to go out on a long ride today to get the ponies used to it, but he was feeling under the weather so we went back home."

"How long will you be gone?"

"The wedding is in April. I should assume I will stay over Midsummer and then turn back home. I should be home right in time for harvest."

"A shorter trip for once."

"Yes."

"But still long." She took a few steps towards him and sighed slightly. "The last time you were away things were not well between us, and it felt horrible to be apart for so long not knowing where we stood. Now you're going away again and things are not right between us."

"I'm sorry" Merry said.

"I don't want this to be like last time. So I want you to know that I forgive you for not telling me about the tea."

"Really?"

"Yes. This one is on me. I'm not like you, I can't carry a grudge toward someone I love for so long. You did something really bad but no good can come out of me letting you leave while we're not on good terms with one another. Water under the bridge."

Merry carefully put his arms around her and pulled her closer for a hug.

"I was only trying to care for you" he said. "Had you died at childbirth I don't know what I would have done… The children and I need you."

"I know" Estella said. "What you did was still wrong but I understand why you did it. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to forget everything that's been and move on from where we are right now."

"I can do that" Merry said with a smile.

"Good" Estella said. "You go to Gondor in three weeks. Go, and don't think about us here at home, we will be fine. Just have a good time."

"I will" Merry said and gave her a kiss. "And I'll be back here with you before you know it."

Estella smiled and held him tight. She was beginning to get used to not having him around all the time but she would still miss him when he left. At least it was easier letting him go knowing that everything had been said and everyone was happy.

XXX

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A revisit to Ithilien ahead! I might be able to post it on Friday, if I can find the time to make some more re-writes to it. Tell me what you thought of this chapter, I would really like to know! Got any pointers or suggestions? Bring them on!


	26. 1454

**Author's Note**: Another chapter I'm not overly fond of. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to at all and it's a bit too hasty. But if nothing else it keeps the story going.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters created by JRR Tolkien. And I know nothing at all about medicine, so I'm sure lots of facts in this chapter are completely wrong. As for spelling mistakes… well, English is not my mother tongue. I'm pretty much just happy I can make myself understood. But thanks to those who point misspelled words out to me, that way I can learn a thing or two along the way )

BedTimeMonster – I'd be honored to have my story on your community. Thank you for asking! The e-mail address you listed had no domain however, if you leave another review I'd be glad if you included it.

XXX

"He'll be at the Gap of Rohan any day now" Pippin said with a deep sigh and looked out the window.

"Oh quit your moaning" Diamond said without looking up from the socks she was knitting. "You've been moping about ever since he left."

"I can't help it. I should be there with him" Pippin said and coughed.

"Listen to you. You're still coughing like you've got the whooping cough and you want to be out on the open road? You would get pneumonia and die. Merry refused to let you come along while you were still ill and he was more than right to do so!"

"But Dimesy…" Pippin began but another round of coughs cut him off.

"I'm sorry you're missing the wedding, I really am" Diamond said. "But you cannot travel in this condition. What good would it do you to arrive in Gondor so ill that you can't take part in the ceremonies anyways?"

"Why did I have to get this flu now?" Pippin whined. "I really need to be there, Dimesy. It's Elboron's wedding."

"He'll understand."

"**I** don't understand" Pippin said. "I don't expect him to."

"Stop thinking about it all the time. It's not doing you any good to map out in your mind exactly where Merry is at each given moment. It only makes your longing worse. Why do you torture yourself?"

"I haven't been to Ithilien for so many years now. It's been forever since I saw it in winter. And you should see it in springtime Diamond, it's wonderful. The perfect time and place for a wedding! And I'm missing it."

"Spring is lovely here too, so is winter."

"Not like there" Pippin objected. "And besides, even if the spring was horrid there I'd still wish to be there now."

"I don't understand really" Diamond said. "If the wedding is not until April why did you have to leave so that you'll be there in March?"

"We don't have to be there until April, but during this time of year it's best to leave with a few weeks extra in case bad weather delays the journey. In early April are we expected. There are a lot of preparations and feasts before the actual ceremony" Pippin said. "Merry needs to be part of those. It's required according to their customs. I could not ask him to stay and miss out on them, it would ruin Elboron's wedding."

"Odd customs" Diamond decided.

"Nonetheless I wish I could be there."

"Enough now" Diamond said. "Stop sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself. Go find Faramir, tell him a story or sing him a song."

"He's not really interested in that anymore" Pippin said. "He's got better things to do on dark winter nights than to listen to his father tell the same stories over and over again. Perhaps I should ride down to the inn?"

"**No" **Diamond said firmly. "Not while you're still feeling under the weather. This wind is not good for you."

Pippin sighed deeply and looked out the window again. It wasn't fair. He had looked forward to the journey so much, everything had been planned and packed and ready, and then he had fallen ill to the flu. He had been confident at first that he would get well in time to leave, but Merry had objected when the time came and insisted that he stayed. Pippin had been very against it but hadn't had much of a say in the matter. Deep down he knew it was the only thing to do, he would not have made the journey in his current condition. But that didn't change how much he wished he could have gone anyway. He couldn't believe he would miss Elboron's wedding.

"Cheer up" Diamond said. "There will be other journeys to the southeast."

"But no other weddings."

"These people did not come to watch you get married" Diamond pointed out. "And surely they will not come to see your son marry either. They cannot demand from you that you attend their parties."

"They didn't choose not to come" Pippin said. "They were unable to. Forbidden by law, as you might recall."

"And you didn't choose not to come either. You were too ill to leave."

"I know. Yet they had no choice when I was getting married, they knew all along that they wouldn't be able to attend. I was so sure I was going to get to see young lord Elboron get married. It's a bitter disappointment to have to stay behind."

Diamond didn't say anything else. Pippin looked out on the fields and wished he was looking at the fields of Rohan instead.

XXX

"A lovely morning to arrive" Merry said to his pony with a grin.

He sat up and clicked his tongue at Dusky, urging the pony to move. It was indeed a lovely morning in Ithilien. The sun was already shining bright in the sky, the trees were green and leafy and each tree seemed to be filled of little birds singing their songs. It was an early spring, which only made it lovelier. The first week of April was upon them, by some people considered the first week of the new year. Elboron's wedding was to be held in the last week of April, by then every tree would be in bloom and all the flowers would be blossoming. Merry had always been partial to June weddings but he had to admit that a spring wedding in Ithilien would be a most beautiful setting.

The home of Faramir and Éowyn would not be far away now. If he had wanted to he could have arrived the night before, but he had decided to set up camp anyway and spend one last night out in the open. He preferred arriving in the morning at the start of a fresh new day rather than to show up tired, weary and only thinking about food and rest. At least now he was only thinking about food, and perhaps a nice glass of wine to go with it.

Whistling a merry tune to himself he rode through the paths leading up to the city that had been built where Faramir and Éowyn had settled. It was a city much to his liking, it reminded him more of a Hobbit town than a human city. It was green and friendly and built together with nature rather than around it. Legolas had been very helpful with the architecture.

As he drew near the city he began to sing to himself. His singing continued as he passed through the gates, but the odd look given to him by the guard made him quiet. Perhaps it was too early for song, although the day seemed to be demanding for someone to sing. It was going to be a warm day, with a clear blue sky.

Excited about finally being back in Ithilien and being so near Faramir and Éowyn's palace he drove Dusky to a trot. If he was lucky he might be able to arrive before breakfast had been cleared out. He had now been on the road for a little over two hours and his stomach was screaming out for second breakfast. He finally reached the small palace and had his feet firmly on the ground after a quick leap from his pony's back. He whistled at a stable boy and handed Dusky's reins to him, then strode off to the main door and gave it a firm pound.

A hatch in the door was opened and someone peered out at him.

"No visitors" the voice firmly declared.

"I was expected" Merry said.

"Playing pranks at a time like this! Does your father know you're here?" the voice asked and slammed the hatch shut.

Merry frowned and pounded on the door again. The hatch opened.

"My father has been dead for some twenty years" Merry said. "And I am not playing pranks. I am here to attend the wedding."

"Very funny" the voice sarcastically said and closed the hatch once more.

Finding his bright spirits to have been somewhat damped Merry pounded harder on the door and for the third time the hatch opened.

"My name is Meriadoc son of Saradoc, I am an esquire in service of the Lady Éowyn, and my arrival is expected. I am here to attend Lord Elboron's wedding."

"The Lord and Lady do not employ children as their esquires" the voice said.

"I am no child, I am a Halfling. Have you not been informed to let Lord Holdwine in when he arrives? The hospitality in this house is not what it once was."

"I have been ordered not to let anybody in, previously expected or not."

"Send for the Lady. She can grant my entrance."

"Trouble the Lady at this delicate time? Absolutely not!"

"Listen to me now," Merry said with an annoyed frown, "I was summoned and now I have arrived. I have been journeying for months and I am weary not to mention hungry. I will not be dismissed by some doorman! Send for the Lady or I shall find myself a window to climb through! What is going on here?"

"Young sir, I cannot--"

"Here!" Merry said and held up his right hand still adorned by the ring Éowyn had given him. "See this ring of Rohan? The Lady must see me."

Finally the doorman gave in and left to fetch Éowyn, probably assured that his demotion would follow. Merry impatiently waited with his hands stuck down his pockets. He looked around and noticed that the stables and the courtyard seemed awfully empty this morning. He was beginning to wonder if everything was alright.

The door opened and Merry got a brief glimpse of the doorman before he stepped back into the shadows. Éowyn fell down on her knees before him and pulled him in for a close hug. Merry hugged her back, relieved to see that some things were as they should.

"You are here" she said. "I'm so glad that you are here."

"My lady, is everything as it should be?" Merry couldn't help but to ask.

He could feel her squeeze him a bit tighter and then release the hug. She looked at him for a second and he knew that something was wrong. She rose to her feet and stepped inside, Merry following by her side. As soon as the doorman was no longer close enough to overhear them he asked her in a low voice what had happened.

"Has there been a problem with the wedding preparations?"

"No" Éowyn said. "There has been an accident."

"An accident? When?"

"Last night, at sundown."

"Is it serious?" Merry asked.

"I'm afraid it might be" Éowyn said.

Merry stopped and grabbed her hands with his. He looked at her and reassuringly rubbed her hands with his thumbs.

"My lady… What is it that has happened? Lord Elboron is not in any harm, is he?"

"No" Éowyn said. "Elboron is fine, given the circumstance… It is his bride to be."

"Beola" Merry said. "She has been in an accident?"

"She is not from Rohan, she does not have that love for horses in her blood" Éowyn said and began to walk again down the halls. "And though her family is wealthy she is not a princess, and I fear she has always worried she is not good enough for Elboron. She wants to at least share his passion for horses and she has been given many lessons in riding since their betrothing. But she has not the hand with horses as one of the Rohirric."

"Did a horse kick her?"

"She went riding last evening. She wanted to try to ride one of the stallions, which she is really not ready for. She…" Éowyn looked away and seemed to need a second to calm herself. "The stallion was scared by a bird and she was thrown."

"Did she break something?" Merry asked. "Will the wedding need to be postponed because of it? I can't see a wedding where the bride has a broken leg."

"I had a broken arm at my wedding…" Éowyn mumbled. "She was not just thrown from the horse, she got trampled."

Merry pondered that for a second. That could be quite bad.

"How bad is it?"

"We have sent for Lord Aragorn. We hope that his healing herbs can help her. Our medics have tried everything they can."

"That bad" Merry said and took a deep breath. "My heart goes out to poor Lord Elboron. What a tragedy so close to the wedding. No wonder they didn't want to let me in."

"I am thankful that they did, I need you now" Éowyn said. She opened the door to an empty room and walked in with Merry behind her. She closed the door and walked up to the window. She stood there quietly for a minute. When she spoke again her voice was full of emotion. "That time when you were thrown from your pony, and I came to you in the Shire… I was so scared for you. I was full of hope that you would open your eyes again and that you would be up and about again but I was also full of fear that you might never open your eyes again. It was horrific, seeing so close a friend so close to death. It thought that it must be one of the hardest times of my life since the War."

"But I am fine now" Merry said reassuringly.

"I really thought it was one of the hardest things one could go through" she said, tears slowly starting to fall down her cheeks. "But seeing my child go through it now is so much harder. And now there is even less hope!"

"Don't say that" Merry said and put a hand on her arm. "There is always hope. If there is one thing life has taught us it is that even a fool's hope is hope, and in the end hope shall not be given up on."

"I pray that you are right" Éowyn said. "We all need your hope now Holdwine. Elboron is beside himself with worry, Faramir is with him whenever he's not with Beola, it's taking its toll on him as well. It's taking its toll on all of us. She is a lovely girl. My son loves her."

"Then let's not give up on hope just yet. What have her medics said?"

"Not much. Only that they cannot do anything to help her. She is awake every now and then, that's fortunate. But she is in pain. I will not have Elboron see her while she is awake and in pain. I don't want him to see her like that." Then a thought crossed her mind and she put a hand on Merry's shoulder. "Won't you see her?"

"Me?"

"Yes. You are a medic too!"

"But hardly as skilled as your medics. What can I do, I'm just a Halfling!"

"Halflings can do anything they set their minds to" Éowyn said. "You must see her. For me."

"Then I will" Merry agreed. "If it is you who ask it of me, I will."

The hint of a smile appeared on Éowyn's face and she wiped the tears from her cheeks. With a blush on her cheeks she apologized for having let her tears fall but Merry shushed her. She could cry all she wanted to when he was near.

XXX

Merry slowly stepped inside the room where Beola lay. Two women were in the room with her, both nodded respectfully and left. Merry slowly walked up to the woman Elboron was to marry in less than a month. She appeared to be asleep. The sound of her breath concerned him, she was not breathing the way he would have wanted her to. Her face was pale and damp, her dark hair damp on her forehead. He reached out a hand and gently placed his palm on her forehead. When he did she opened her eyes. The look she gave him was trying to be surprised and excited but there was too much pain.

"You're…" she said in a voice which was hardly more than a whisper.

"Don't talk" Merry said.

"You're…"

"I am Lord Holdwine" Merry said. "I have come to look at you. You've fallen from your horse and fallen ill."

She managed a nod and swallowed. Her breathing was heavy and she closed her eyes as if dealing with a lot of pain.

"I know this hurts" Merry said. "I know you are in a lot of pain. I don't want you to be afraid. You will be a bride soon. I have come to take part in a wedding ceremony. You and I will be drinking the finest wine in Gondor at your wedding soon."

The shadow of a smile managed to appear on her face.

"I want to look at you" Merry said. "I know medicine. There might be something I can do for you until Aragorn arrives. I have been told where the fall hit the most and where the hooves touched you. I fear I must look under your gown to see your chest. I hope you can forgive me." He lifted aside the quilts covering her with a gentle hand and began to unlace the front of her nightgown. "This might hurt" he said. "But it needs to. Hurt tells me what needs to be healed and hopefully what I can do to heal it."

She didn't protest at first but he could tell that she wasn't completely comfortable with him opening up her night gown. He sensed that she was embarrassed. She had long been told stories of Holdwine and his part in Elboron and Éowyn's lives, this was surely not how she had planned on meeting him.

"It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance" Merry said to take her mind off the examination and her fears as well as he could. "Long has Elboron mentioned his fair Beola in his letters to me. And I see that everything he's told me about you is true."

As gently and carefully as he could he let his hands examine her abdomen. He could see that two of her ribs were broken. Thankfully the ribs had not punctured her lungs or any other organs as far as he could tell.

"Beola you have two ribs broken" he said. "I don't know if they have talked to you about this or not. It is what's making it difficult for you to breathe. It's where the pain in your chest comes from. A broken rib hurts a whole lot but it is not fatal unless it punctures one of your internal organs. I don't believe that such a thing has happened in this case. You needn't worry about the pain in your chest, love."

Another attempt to a smile appeared on her lips. With her right hand she weakly grasped his cape.

"Will I be… able to marry…" she said.

"Hush" Merry said. "Save your strength for the wedding."

XXX

"Pippin!" Éowyn cried. "When did you arrive? I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Father sent me" Pippin Gamgee said and dismounted his sturdy pony. "He has an important letter for Master Merry, he was hoping the mail had not gone out yet."

"It will not go out until tomorrow" Éowyn said with a smile and grabbed the pony's reins. "I can take the letter for you. I will make sure it is sent."

"Thank you Miss Éowyn" Pippin said with a thankful smile.

"You should just call me Éowyn" Éowyn said with a smile. "We grew up together, we are not strangers."

"I will think about it Miss Éowyn."

"Must you return to Bag End at once?" Éowyn asked. "I was going to ride over to the Great Smials. Aunt Diamond is rumoured to have a basket full of strawberries, they might need some help eating all. Would you care to join me?"

"I don't know that I would be welcome" Pippin said with a shy look on his face. "To just drop by uninvited and expect strawberries."

"You are **always** welcome at the Great Smials" Éowyn said. "Uncle Pippin will be thrilled to see you! Wait for me here!"

Without waiting for him to be able to come with another protest she ran off to the pastures and whistled for Aestas. A few minutes later she was up in the saddle and on her way towards the Great Smials with Pippin Gamgee.

"Mother tells me you will be working at Brandy Hall this summer too" Éowyn said.

"Yes. I've been lucky."

"My sister will be thrilled. She has talked a lot about how you played in the hay with her last year. She will be glad to know you will be returning."

"She seems to be not the only Brandybuck sister who likes to play in the hay" Pippin said with a smile and couldn't help but be pleased at the blush that appeared on Éowyn's face.

"I'll race you to the Smials!" she said to change the subject and drove Aestas to a gallop. Pippin followed her with a laugh.

XXX

"How is your father doing?" Pippin Took asked his namesake and served himself some more strawberries.

"Very well, thanks" young Pippin said. "The flowers are all in bloom now. The garden is absolutely wonderful."

"So what is this news he was so urgent to get to my cousin?"

Pippin Gamgee looked up with the expression of a deer caught in the headlights.

"There is no news."

"Tell me" Pippin Took said. "I want to know."

"I think father would want to tell you himself" Pippin Gamgee said and turned his glance back to the strawberries.

Pippin Took shared a look with Éowyn then excused himself to get some more cream. When he had left the room Éowyn turned to the younger Pippin.

"So what is the news?" she asked. "You can tell me!"

"It's about Elanor" Pippin whispered after a minute's hesitation. "She will have a little one by the end of the summer."

"Really?" Éowyn said and a smile appeared on her face. "I had no idea! You must be so excited to become an uncle!"

"I am" Pippin said with a smile. "It feels strange though. I still have siblings who are little. But Elanor will make a fine mother."

"And you a fine uncle" Éowyn said with a smile. "What does Uncle Sam think of all this? He must be excited too!"

"You know father" Pippin said. "He still thinks of Elanor as a ten year-old lass. He hasn't quite come to terms with becoming a grandfather yet."

"Well he should be happy" Éowyn decided and rose from her chair. "I wonder where Uncle Pippin went with the cream. Excuse me for a minute."

She went out into the nearby kitchen where Pippin waited with a bowl of cream.

"So what was the news then?" he asked his secret spy.

"Pippin is right" Éowyn said. "You should hear it from Uncle Samwise."

Pippin groaned.

"You children are all the same. Hurry up and finish your strawberries then. Young Pip and I are riding back to Bag End."

XXX

Elboron anxiously looked up when Merry exited Beola's room. It took Merry a moment to be able to look at him. It was horrible to see him like this, so worried, sad and upset at a time when he should be nothing but happy.

"How is she?" Elboron asked. "You can make her better right?"

"I need an herb" Merry said, probably sounding as tired as he felt. "I didn't bring any of this herb with me."

"I will find it for you!" Elboron said and flew to his feet. "I went with Mother once when she looked for herbs."

"You will need someone with you who knows what the herb looks like" Merry said. "Ask your mother for help."

"I will. I will! Just tell me what the herb is!"

"It's called thorn-apple" Merry said. "She'll know which herb it is. Bring me as much as you can find. I will be in your mother's private kitchen. Hurry back."

Elboron nodded and hurried off to find Éowyn. Merry closed his eyes not to have to watch him leave. It was painful to see him fill up with hope like this, he knew how desperate Elboron must be to grasp at any straw. He should not have to be so desperate, not now. He should be in a fine hall with his beautiful fiancée by his side, conducting proper introductions between the lady and the Halfling. But fate had wanted differently.

XXX

"Meriadoc" Éowyn's soft voice said as she closed the door behind her. "I don't mean to question your knowledge in medicine… I'm only thinking you may not know the proper dosage for my race." She walked over to him and handed him a bag of thorn-apples. "This will be far too high a dosage for someone like Beola."

"I disagree" Merry said and began to work with the herbs.

"You would only need half as much to put Faramir to sleep good and well" Éowyn said. "Beola needs much less!"

"That depends on what one wishes to accomplish" Merry said.

Éowyn shook her head.

"No, Meriadoc, a dosage this high will put her to sleep for good!"

"What?" Elboron's voice said.

Merry and Éowyn turned around and saw Elboron just closing the door behind them. He had walked in and heard the last thing his mother had said.

"Elboron wait outside" Merry said firmly.

"You cannot use that much if it's going to do her harm!" Elboron said and walked over. "Master Holdwine this is my bride!"

"I know exactly who she is and I know exactly how she is doing."

"But that much thorn-apple might **kill** her! Uncle Merry, please…"

Merry paused what he was doing. Elboron had not called him Uncle Merry since he had been a very young boy, hearing the old words coming from his mouth made Merry remember Elboron as the boy he had once been. Merry was scared with what was going to happen and how it would affect Elboron. But he could not change the way things would go.

"Elboron…" he said in a soft but firm tone. "I must be frank with you. There is not going to be a wedding."

"It will have to be postponed of course!" Elboron said.

"It will not take place. Not now nor ever."

"What are you saying?" Elboron asked with fear in his voice.

Merry turned his head and looked up at the young lord. He saw Éowyn place her hand on her son's shoulder. He would need her support.

"I examined her. Beola has bruising underneath her skin. Far too much bruising. She is bleeding on the inside, young master. Slowly but steadily. And there is nothing I can do."

"But the king!" Elboron said, grasping for straws. "He saved you and father and mother! He can save my Beola!"

"Strider cannot help her now" Merry said. "He has no herbs that can close wounds from the inside nor repair the damage that has already been caused. Listen to me." He grabbed Elboron's shoulder firmly. "Beola is bleeding to death, slowly but steadily. She is in pain. This in not a pleasant way to die, do you understand? It is painful and since she's not bleeding very fast it will take a long time! Slow bleeding in this case does not mean chance of survival. It merely means prolonged death. You do not want this for her."

"She cannot die" Elboron whispered.

"I want to help her. End her suffering. This brew is going to make her go to sleep and she will never wake up. It will be pain free and it will be fast. Trust me, it is better."

"I cannot let you give that to her!" Elboron said desperately. "I cannot end her life a minute sooner than it is meant to last!"

"I understand how you feel. But had it been my Estella I would not have hesitated for a second. You cannot give her marriage now, but you can give her a peaceful death. Let he be free of her pain! Allowing her to live is forcing her to be in pain! You do not want that for her."

"I love her."

"Which is why you must let me do this."

The brew boiled and drew Merry's attention. Hesitantly he let go of Elboron and stirred the brew before pouring it into a mug.

"No…" Elboron said. "I will do it."

"Is that wise?" Éowyn asked.

"I owe it to her" Elboron said. "If my love is to die this way than it should be by my hand. And I want to sit with her as life leaves her."

"You have all the strength of your parents" Merry said and gave the mug to Elboron. "I will accompany you until she has drunk all the brew."

Elboron closed his eyes and took a deep breath before accepting the mug from Merry. He then opened his eyes and looked at it with fear. It contained what would lead to his fiancée's death. But even though his entire being screamed that it was wrong, something deep inside him knew that the Hobbit was right. If death could not be avoided it was better if it came painless and peacefully.

"Go now" Merry said. "Do not delay. Give the brew to her, say your goodbyes. Let your eyes look their last upon her, let yourself say goodbye before she is gone."

"We were supposed to be married in a month…" Elboron said. "How did this come to be?"

"Come now" Éowyn said. "Listen to your lord. Do not delay."

Taking a deep breath and bracing himself Elboron left for Beola's room with Merry and Éowyn right behind him. Faramir was waiting for them outside her room and Merry bowed before him without any further greetings.

"How does it look?" Faramir asked.

Elboron and Merry went inside Beola's room, leaving it to Éowyn to tell Faramir what was happening. The women sitting with Beola left the room and Merry stayed by the closed door to give Elboron some privacy with his love. He could hear him speaking softly to her, and her faint answer. He hoped Elboron would be quick and not prolong this hard moment any more than he had to.

"I have something for you" Elboron finally said. "It will make you feel better. The pain will go away. Here… Drink it all."

Merry watched as Elboron helped Beola drink the brew. When the last drop had been drunk he walked up and placed a hand on the woman's forehead. It was cooler now. She would not have had many hours left to live even without the brew but now she could get to die in some peace.

"There's a good lass" he mumbled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Forget about your pains and toils, go to sleep." Beola opened her mouth to speak but Merry shushed her. "Save your words for your fiancé, he needs them better than I do. Sweet dreams, my lady."

Placing a kiss on Elboron's forehead as well, Merry quietly left the room and let the two be alone for the final moments. Éowyn and Faramir waited for him outside, both visibly taken by what had happened.

"Not twenty-four hours ago everything was wonderful" Faramir said. "Our son was happy. There was a joyous wedding ahead. Now there is only pain, sadness and a funeral."

"The marriage was not to be" Merry said. "Her death is a tragedy. But what is is what must be. You have a strong lad. He will make it through this. Most lads would never find the strength to hand the poison to their love."

"He gets it from his father" Éowyn said. "Such strength have I never possessed."

Merry sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall, wrapping his cape around him. He had been so happy this morning and now the whole world was sorrow. He looked up at Faramir and Éowyn. How had they ever come to this? Never had they imagined having to see their children go through such things. Such horrors were supposed to end when the War did.

XXX

Well over an hour passed. Merry knew it was all over but he didn't want to bother Elboron. There was never going to be a wedding, all dreams the lad had had for the future were gone with Beola. Merry, Éowyn and Faramir understood that it was best to leave Elboron alone to let the loss sink in. Nearly two hours after the brew had been given to Beola Elboron opened the door and stepped out. Éowyn rushed over and put her arms around him while Faramir hurried into Beola's room followed by Merry.

"She is dead now" Merry said.

"I hope she didn't take Elboron with her" Faramir said and shook his head. "Had it been me… Had I lost Éowyn so close to our wedding…"

"Your marriage was meant to happen."

"And my son's was not?"

"Not this time" Merry said. "I know the pain he must be feeling. But he is strong and he will survive."

"I hope so" Faramir said.

XXX

Merry rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had just returned to his chambers after having given Éowyn and Beola's mother something to drink to help them sleep. Éowyn was exhausted after the tormenting and challenging three days that had passed yet she could not sleep. A night of rest would do her good.

Merry was exhausted too. He had never known Beola but the loss affected people he loved and so it took its toll on him too. Elboron was devastated and although he tried his best to hide it he could not quite manage in the presence of his family. His parents took care of everything that needed to be taken care of, and they supported him as much as they could. They had to be strong for him now and strong they were. But it concerned Merry that it took such a toll on Éowyn, she was not young anymore and even though the years had treated her very well there was still a part of her which was weaker than before. She could not handle as much as she had been able to when she was younger. Merry had made it his prime task to be there for her around the clock and tend to her every need. He took care of whatever she wanted him to take care of and he offered her a shoulder to cry on. Her pride kept her from crying, but when he was with her she let that guard down. They had looked far too deep into each other's souls to be ashamed over such things as tears.

Faramir and Éowyn were strong for Elboron and Merry was strong for them. But who was to be strong for Merry? He had no connection to the dead woman of his own to be pained by but he was beginning to need someone to support him too.

"Oh Pip…" he said and looked out the window in the direction of the Shire. "I wish you could be here. Who is going to look after me? I long for your support. Could I just share one look with you I would be strengthened. I miss you so."

There was a knock on the door. Merry turned around and told the knocker to enter. Elboron stepped inside, looking lost.

"Come inside and close the door" Merry said. "It is good to see you, Lord Elboron."

"I… don't know why I'm here" Elboron said and closed the door behind him. Slowly he stepped over and sat down on the small bed. "No that's a lie. I do know why I'm here."

"Is there anything I can do for you my lord?" Merry asked and walked over to him.

"I wanted to be mad at you" Elboron said. "I think I hated you. For even suggesting to give something to Beola to help her die. I don't know why I agreed to do it, every part of me still hoped for hope! But you have never lied to me and never let me down before."

Merry sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"Elboron… I think your heart knew that there was no hope anymore. That sometimes death is better than life."

"You came here for my wedding and instead you helped arrange a funeral" Elboron said, his voice trembling. "It is such a long custom that the person who did for the groom what you did for me takes active part in the wedding ceremony. Now there is never going to be a wedding. I am 31 years old and my life is over."

"It is not" Merry said. "Your father, your mother, I, **Gondor**, have seen worse times and survived them. You will too."

Elboron began to cry and leaned his head down on Merry's lap, as if he had been a little boy. Merry put his arms around him and gently rocked him.

"I began my life in your arms" Elboron said through his tears. "Now I wish I could end my life in them."

"Shush now" Merry said. "None of that. I brought you into the world and I shall never take you from it. Poor little lad… You are being served only pain at a time that should have held only joy. It is okay to cry and to grieve. But remember that it is also okay to smile and laugh without betraying Beola. You are strong, little lad of mine. And you will survive this. I know you can."

Merry continued to hold Elboron has he shook with sobs. The lord he had once brought into the world needed him now. Merry knew he would stay as long as Elboron and Éowyn needed him to.

XXX

"Trust Lucky to catch a pneumonia in September" Lúthien said and sighed. "I only wish Mother were here!"

"You know she cannot be here right now" Éowyn said. "She has gone with Rosie to help midwife Elanor's child!"

"Her own child is ill" Lúthien said. "I am only fifteen years old Éowyn, I know nothing of caring for Hobbits with pneumonia!"

"The medics are here to help us" Éowyn said. "We have an entire hall filled with relatives who are glad to help. Lucky has been ill with this before, he knows the illness. All we need to do is make sure he is comfortable and that he has everything he needs."

"You wish you could be out riding instead, don't you?"

"Don't be silly. I care more about Lucky than I care about riding."

She opened the door to Lucky's bedroom, balancing a trey with a bowl of soup on it with her left hand, and entered with Lúthien. Lucky was sitting up in bed, obviously sick but seeming to feel a little bit better. Comradoc's bed was empty, he was out on the fields with his two other brothers. Lucky was looking out the window.

"How are you feeling" Éowyn asked.

"I wish I could be out there too" Lucky said. "They're harvesting! I want to help! I'm old enough to help!"

"But you're not well enough to help" Éowyn said and put the trey down on Lucky's nightstand.

"Not even if you wished it" Lúthien said.

"Quiet Lúthie!"

"It is your own fault, you know" Éowyn said. "Had you not decided to go swimming in the Brandywine… You were truly lucky, you might just as well have drowned if Aramac hadn't been there. I wish you would know better. Remember Hamfast Gamgee!"

"It's easy for you to say" Lucky said. "I never get to do anything. You get to do lots of things!"

"Like care for my sick brother for instance. Now eat your soup!"

With a sigh Lucky did as told, but kept looking out the window. Éowyn walked over and pulled the curtains down so that he couldn't see what was out there anymore.

"You'll get better soon" Lúthien said encouragingly.

"I can't help but wish Mother or Father were here" Lucky sighed. "I'm too old to be crying for them but I miss them right now."

"I miss them too" Éowyn said. "But Father won't be back for a long while yet. Poor Lord Elboron…"

"And Mother shan't return until the baby is born" Lúthien said.

"Uncle Sam must be on edges" Lucky said. "He has never been particularly fond of Elanor marrying."

"Do not worry about the Gamgees" Éowyn said. "You need your rest."

"I can imagine what will happen the day you decide to marry" Lúthien said to her sister. "Father will not take lightly that you leave to live with someone else."

"Oh nonsense" Éowyn said. "I have no plans of marriage. And if I ever am to be married I will continue to live here."

"I hope to be married" Lúthien said with a dreaming expression and sat down on Cordy's bed. "To manage my own household and have my own children…"

"To work, you mean" Éowyn said. "I want to be free and ride my ponies and run through the grass. Not be tied down by a husband and children."

"Auntie Rose says Mother used to say the same thing" Lúthien said.

"But I am not like Mother. I am like Father."

"He too settled down and had a family" Lucky pointed out. "Of course, he had the Brandybuck name to carry on."

"No such responsibilities lie on me" Éowyn said. "It is Théo who will continue our bloodline and the mastership. I plan on staying free."

"So do I" Lucky confessed. "I'm glad I'm the youngest lad. I won't have to marry. I can follow the rainbow as long as I like."

"You sound like a Took" Lúthien said. "Hobbits are not adventurous."

"I'm not talking about adventure" Lucky said. "I want to go see where the Elves live again. I want to meet Legolas again, and all the other Elves."

"Dreams, Lucimac" Éowyn said. "Mother will never allow you to travel, you know that. Come now Lúthie, let's leave Lucky to get some rest."

She grabbed the trey with the empty bowl of soup and left the room followed by her sister. Lucky glanced at the closed curtains and longed to be healthy and out in the fields.

XXX

"You did well, Elanor" Rose said with a pleased smile. "A healthy baby boy! Fastred will be pleased to see he has a son to continue his name."

"The baby will not be a Greenholm" Elanor said and took the newborn baby in her arms. "He will be a Fairbairn."

"Fairbairn?" Rose echoed. "Out of all the follies I have never heard anything so silly. Your son is a Greenholm just like your brothers are Gamgees."

Estella didn't add her two cents in the discussion. She fluffed a pillow and placed it behind Elanor's head and made sure the baby was doing okay. It didn't matter to her whether the baby was a Greenholm or a Fairbairn. But it was strange to see Elanor as a mother. She was no longer the young lass who helped her mother around the house and ate cake with all her face.

"Get some rest now, Elanor" Estella finally said and ended the name discussion for now. "You and your lad need some rest. You had an easy birth but it does take its toll. I will go speak to the new father."

She left the room and went out to the kitchen where Fastred was enjoying his dinner. He looked up when she entered and smiled, wiping gravy from his mouth with a napkin.

"Has the baby arrived?" he asked and continued his meal.

"Congratulations" Estella said. "You have a healthy young boy!"

"Splendid!" Fastred said and lifted his mug of ale. "To the newborn! How is Elanor?"

"She is doing wonderfully" Estella said. "She's tired but happy. You can see them both in a bit."

"Let me finish my dinner first."

"Take your time" Estella said and smiled. "I'll come and get you in a while."

She returned to the room where Rose was instructing Elanor on how to breastfeed. Estella couldn't help but smile when she saw the two. It wouldn't matter whether the baby's name would be Greenholm or Fairbairn or something else, he would be a member of the family anyway. A new generation had seen the light of day and it was time for new families to be started and thrive. Rose and Estella had done their part, it was their children's turn now.

"He truly is lovely, Elanor" Estella said and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Takes after his mother he does!"

"He is going to be one of the most handsome lads in all the Shire" Rose predicted. "And he's going to learn how to read and write, and how to garden, and…"

"He will be one busy lad" Estella said with a chuckle.

"He will do just fine" Elanor said and kissed the baby's temple.

"Sam can be pleased" Estella said. "He is a grandfather now, he will be beaming with pride the moment he sees the baby."

"I hope so" Elanor said.

"I know so" Rosie said. "Your father has just had a bit of a difficult time letting his baby girl go. We've all had a hard time letting you leave. But we've done alright and so have you."

"It's a funny thing…" Estella said thoughtfully and caressed the baby's head.

"What is?" Rose asked.

"Nothing…" Estella mumbled.

Her mind had drifted to her absent husband and the reason he was gone. She knew he would be staying in Ithilien as long as he was needed there and she accepted it. He had written her and told her about the young bride's death and how he could not return yet for a while. She understood. This eventful year had made her think about the circle of life that all men and Hobbits went through. They were all born and someday they all died. This year Lord Elboron's fiancée had died and Elanor Greenholm's son had been born. One life seemed to have replaced the other.

She thought about her own son home at Brandy Hall, who was lying ill again. Not a day went by that she didn't worry that his life might not last much longer. She had accepted it, some day she would have to experience her son dying. She hoped Elanor would never have to go through that with her little lad. Parents were not meant to outlive their children, it was not the way of the world. She thought about the dead lady, her parents had had to face their child dying. It was a cruel fate indeed. Sam and Rose had buried three children, and although they had gotten over the losses of little Tom and Ruby Estella knew that neither of them had ever quite gotten over losing Hamfast. A chill ran down Estella's spine when she thought of how she could have lost Lucky that same way earlier in the year.

"Come now Estella" Rose's voice said and interrupted her thoughts. "Let's send Fastred in and let the new family get acquainted."

Estella nodded and rose from the bed. The new family needed their privacy.

XXX

"I'm sure the autumn leaves are beautiful" Elboron said. "I just can't see it."

He was walking through the palace garden in Ithilien with Merry by his side. It was October and early fall, the trees were coloured in golden, red and brown and the leafy lands of Ithilien were beautiful. But for someone who was in mourning the beauty was not real.

"This fall will not be fair to you" Merry said. "But other falls will. You will see autumns in their beauty again."

"I don't see how" Elboron said.

"Pain fades" Merry said simply. "It remains but it fades. What is most difficult is explaining to yourself that enjoying beauty and laughter and life is not a crime or a disrespecting action towards the person you are mourning."

"How could I laugh so soon after Beola's parting?"

"It's not soon after" Merry said. "Six months have gone by. And you need to laugh to stay alive. If you don't allow yourself laughter you will repress who you are and live the rest of your life in bitterness. You don't want that to happen. I don't want that to happen."

"But what is there to smile about?"

"Everything! Everything you ever smiled at before you met her. Your remember Samwise Gamgee, right?"

"Of course I remember Master Samwise!"

"About a decade ago his son drowned in the Brandywine River. The lad was around ten years old. The loss of a loved one is hard but the loss of a child is harder. There were some dark times for Sam, and for his wife and children. But they got through it and now they are laughing and smiling and living again. Don't stop life from happening."

"I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a child, how anything can possibly be worse than this."

"You're not just mourning her" Merry said softly. "You mourn the life you thought you were going to have, a marriage and a family that never happened."

"Master Holdwine…" Elboron said hesitantly. "Will you stay over winter?"

"I cannot" Merry said. "I have responsibilities that await me. And I've been parted from my family for too long."

"I…" Elboron said then looked away. Neither of them spoke for a moment, then Elboron said what he had wanted to say. "I wish you wouldn't leave, I need you here."

"You will do fine without me" Merry said. "Just like your mother."

"It is somehow different with you" Elboron said. "Perhaps it is because you are a Perian. But… I've learned over summer that I can speak my mind and my childish thoughts with you. You never shush me or tell me that it's inappropriate. I am expected to have gone back to life like I lived it before by now but you do not expect that of me."

"I'm afraid us Hobbits act too much on emotion and too little on what is suiting" Merry said and blushed.

"But it is a good thing. I've needed this. And I will still need it when fall turns to winter."

"And when winter turns to spring and spring turns to summer. But I cannot stay for that long. Perhaps what's best for you is to be forced to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and carry on as usual."

"I disagree."

"I think you should try it" Merry said. "For your own sake."

They reached the doors where they had begun their walk and Merry opened them and walked inside. Elboron followed and bowed to Merry.

"Thank you for your company, Lord Holdwine" he said. "Your advice shall be taken under consideration."

"Thank you Lord Elboron" Merry said and bowed in return. "It pleases me to hear."

He left Elboron and hurried off to the stables where he was supposed to meet Éowyn. She already had a horse saddled and packed and seemed impatient.

"I beg your forgiveness milady" Merry panted and bowed. "I was out in the gardens with Lord Elboron."

"It's quite alright milord" Éowyn replied and lifted him up on the stallion. "Let's ride now, and we might make it to Minas Tirith by noon tomorrow."

She sat up behind him and steered the horse outside and headed for Minas Tirith. Merry had uttered a wish to see Aragorn and Éowyn had decided they should ride there together. Though neither of them had said it out loud they both knew that Merry wanted to say goodbye. He would be returning to the Shire soon.

"Elboron is doing better" Éowyn said once they were out on the road and by themselves. "I'm relieved to see it."

"So am I" Merry said. "But he will not be himself again for at least another six months. Possibly longer. He lost someone nobody expects to lose."

"The loss was tragic" Éowyn said. "But it was not fatal for him. He will go on living. He must learn that he is not the only one who has suffered great loss."

"He has been blissfully protected from such tragedies during his lifetime" Merry said.

"When my father died my mother mourned so that it killed her" Éowyn said. "I will not see that same weakness in my son."

Merry nodded. He had noticed her stronger, more determined side take over and with it went the side of her that had secretly wept for her son's loss half a year ago. It was a way of defence. She was a survivor. Hopefully Elboron was too.

"Many of our people remember the great War vividly" Éowyn continued and drove the stallion to a gallop. "Many are those who lost a husband, a son, a father or a brother."

"Or an uncle" Merry added.

"We all got over our losses. We had to. I will not have my son throw his life away and spend years to come mourning a loss. I will not have him show that disrespect to those who weren't given the chance to grieve."

"Elboron knows not of those times" Merry said. "To him this is the greatest tragedy which has ever hit Ithilien."

"Then he is foolish. He is a prince of Ithilien just like his father and one day he will be steward. How can he lead the people of Ithilien if he cares only for the sorrows he has seen? When my uncle lost his son he did not let grief take him over because he knew he needed to be strong and he needed to look after his people. My son needs to do the same. Uncle found you and let you replace Théodred. Elboron needs to find someone to take Beola's place."

"He will" Merry said. "But it is different for him. I might have taken your cousin's place in Théoden King's eyes but letting someone take the place of one you were romantically bound to is much more complicated."

"It doesn't have to be a lass" Éowyn said. "He needs not rush to find someone else to marry. He has a few years yet. But someone or something for him to waste his love on."

"You might be right" Merry said thoughtfully. "When Sam lost his son he got much better once Rose had another baby."

"And my son will get better too" Éowyn said. "He has to. I will not have a child of mine shatter. We are stronger than that. Our family has survived far worse times."

"Éowyn, darling…" Merry said. "If this is the worst your son ever sees then I think we should both be truly grateful."

XXX

Pippin paced back and forth in front of the fireplace with his hands on the small of his back. Diamond looked up when she heard him mutter angrily to himself for the seventh time in less than an hour.

"Oh what is it now?" she asked.

"Why did I stay in the Shire?" Pippin asked. "I should have left! The moment I received Lord Faramir's letter, and Merry's letter, I should have left! I was well enough to travel, why did I not leave?"

"Because Sam was fretting over his upcoming grandparenthood" Diamond reminded him.

"Sam always frets over something these days. I have lords and friends who need me in the south. What am I doing here?"

"Peregrine…" Diamond said and put aside her knitting. "We both know that there is no telling how long Merry will be gone. Had you left you might have only gotten halfway and then met up with him! The smartest thing was to stay here. Stop your queer behaviour and sit down!"

"Queer or no, I should have gone! I've come too far too long ago to ever be considered non-queer, why should I care now what anyone thinks?"

"If you even turn out half as queer as your father I will disown you" Diamond said to Faramir who was trying to read.

"Oh shush" Pippin said.

"You shush. All I've heard since January is complaints over how you haven't gotten to go risk your life on some long journey to be a servant to some lords! What difference had it made if you had arrived? The lass was already dead. You wouldn't have been able to do anything for her even if she had been alive."

"I know that" Pippin said. "But I could have comforted Elboron, I could have made life easier for Faramir. I could have been there for Merry, I know he's had a hard time."

"They are all grown lads, they can take care of themselves."

Pippin turned up his nose at that statement and grabbed his cape which was flung over an armchair.

"Now what are you up to?" Diamond asked.

"Come along Faramir" Pippin said and headed for the door. "We are going to Brandy Hall. At least Estella has some understanding for why a simple Hobbit might need to be there for his lord in times of need."

Diamond rolled her eyes but Faramir was up on his feet at the blink of an eye. He followed his father to Brandy Hall where they were greeted with hot cider, some freshly baked sponge cake and the latest Buckland gossip.

"Do you think Father will be home by December?" Cordy asked Pippin and stole some sponge cake from Faramir.

"It's hard to tell" Pippin said. "But he did indicate that he was going to return home soon in his last letter."

"I hope he's on his way" Estella said. "He has yet to meet Sam's grandson! And we could use him around here. I won't let him travel south for many years again."

"If Merry wants to go Merry goes" Pippin said. "I could never stop him, neither can you."

"I liked it better when the children were young" Estella said. "When he didn't up and leave quite so often."

"I'm still young" Cordy objected.

"So am I" Pippin said. "At least I would like to think so."

"You're old, Uncle Pippin" Lúthien said. "Sam is a grandfather and that's old!"

"Sam is nearly ten years older than me, thank you very much" Pippin said.

"Don't be rude, Lúthie" Théodoc said.

"I don't like being young" Lúthien said. "At least not **youngest**. All my siblings try to raise me. I want to be like Éowyn and not have anyone try to raise me."

"I am willing to trade" Éowyn said with a laugh.

Everyone looked up when the door opened and Merry entered, taking off his coat. Nobody said anything for a minute and Merry smiled faintly. Then Éowyn, Estella and Pippin all tried to hug him at the same time and the rest flocked around him. Merry's eyes fell on Lúthien and he tried to lift her up for a hug but his back protested.

"No fair…" he said. "I wish you were little again so I could lift you up and hug you."

Lúthien laughed and Cordy made a face at her. Pippin let the children hug their father and greet him properly, then he grabbed Merry by the arm and led him off to the bedroom. It was obvious that Merry was tired and he didn't protest.

"How are you?" Pippin asked with a concerned frown.

"I've been better" Merry admitted and sunk down on the bed. "It's been a rough year. But Éowyn is right. We cannot sympathise with Elboron anymore, he needs to pull himself together. And for that to happen it was best that I left."

"You need to tell me all about it" Pippin said. "But not right now. Lie down and I'll go get you something warm to drink."

Merry obeyed and Pippin pulled a blanket over him before leaving the room. Éowyn and Faramir were waiting out in the hallway.

"Is he okay?" Éowyn asked.

"Can I do anything?" Faramir asked.

"He is fine. He is just very tired right now. Give him some time and he'll be right as rain. Faramir, why don't you run down to the kitchen and have them make Merry's favourite soup. Éowyn, you go back to your family. He will be fine, I promise."

The children nodded and headed off. Pippin watched them go and sighed deeply. He really wished he had gone to Ithilien and been there for Faramir, Elboron and Merry. But as it were, he would have to take care of Merry now instead. A long night of rest and then he would let Merry talk about whatever he needed to talk about.

Estella came out into the hallway, giving Pippin a concerned look. He managed to smile for her.

"Don't you worry" he said. "He's just not as young as he used to be. He has been through a lot this year. Let him rest and he will be better tomorrow."

Estella nodded slowly. Then she went back to the children. Pippin went back to Merry.

XXX

Please leave a review and let me know what you think!


	27. 1455

**Author's note**: Uhm, wow. It's been a while since the last time I posted a chapter. I realised the other day that I have 8 finished chapters that I haven't posted yet so I'd better get started! I don't know if anyone still remembers this story or not, but they're not doing much good laying around my computer…

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill…

XX

XX

XX

"Do you have a minute?" Sam asked.

Pippin looked up from the stack of papers in front of him.

"For you? Of course. Come on in."

Sam closed the door to Pippin's study and sat down in the chair opposite the desk. Pippin eyed him with a frown. Sam seemed awfully nervous. Pippin wondered what was going on.

"No beating around the bush" he said to his old friend. "I don't know why you're acting like I'm the king of the world and you're the poorest peasant in all the land but whatever you have to say you can tell me."

Sam smiled nervously.

"Well sir, I've been thinking…"

"Did you just call me sir? Samwise…"

"Now let me finish Mister Pippin, for it is kind of awkward for me to talk about, and I feel I have to say it without interruptions, if you follow me."

"For the love of mushrooms, just say it" Pippin said and lit his pipe. "Whatever it is I'm sure I've heard worse. Is young Rose marrying? Is Elanor pregnant again? Do you need food supplies, or money?"

"No, no. But it does involve Elanor."

"Then let's hear it."

"Well, you see, I've… I've never asked for much, as you know. I did my part in our adventure, I helped Mister Frodo as best as I could."

"You saved his life. All our lives. Without you he wouldn't have gotten half as far. Don't be modest."

"I've never asked for anything in return. I've watched as you and Mister Merry got your titles and inherited your lands, as you rightfully should."

"Sam that had nothing to do with any part of our adventure, we were inheritors of these lands from our birth."

"I know, I know. Please, you're not letting me finish."

"Sorry. Go on" Pippin said and blew some smoke rings.

"But lately I've been thinking. About how you are a guard of the citadel and you're Strider's, I mean king Elessar's servant, and you're in the service of Lord Faramir. And Mister Merry, he is an esquire of Rohan and a knight of Rohan and in the service of the Lady Éowyn. And I am none of those things."

"Running errands for great lords is not always as much fun as one would think" Pippin said and raised an eyebrow. "Not to mention you have to stand there and watch them eat! No matter how hungry you are!"

"Mister Pippin…"

"Pardon."

"Well now Strider, I mean--"

"King Elessar…" Pippin filled in and rolled his eyes. "You don't need to call him that just get to the point!"

"He's given you all this land, you see?" Sam leaned forward in his chair. "In addition to the land you have rightfully inherited as your birth right you have been given new lands as well. And your sons will inherit those. Well I was in that story too, the story of the Ring, and I feel for my children's sake that it's wrong that the Gamgees get nothing."

"Sam" Pippin said, moved by the request he felt was coming. "Of course! I understand!"

"Now I don't mean to sound like I'm asking for much that I'm not entitled to" Sam said.

"Listen" Pippin said and waved his pipe for emphasis when he spoke. "I am not the Thain to you. Aragorn is not the high and mighty king to you. We are brothers, for as long as we live. And more than that we are friends. You can talk to me. I've seen you at your worst and I've known you at your best. There is nothing you can ask of me that is out of line. I'm not saying I'll give you anything you ask for but nobody will ever judge you for asking."

"I know" Sam said after a small pause.

"So stop delaying" Pippin said and put his pipe back in his mouth where it belonged. "You will feel better once you've asked what's on your mind. So come on and tell me. You want land I take it?"

"Not so much land" Sam said. "But I feel that I should leave something to my children."

"You will leave them Bag End."

"That's not enough" Sam said outright. "They may be masters of Bag End for generations to come but it's never going to be like what your children get. I was part of the fellowship and I helped save our world, now I'm mayor of the Shire, I feel that I have earned a title to pass on to my children!"

"I cannot make mayorship inheritable" Pippin said.

"No I know" Sam said.

"You **are** a counselor of the North Kingdom" Pippin pointed out.

"Yes, but that's something so far away" Sam said. "I want for a member of the family to have an official role in part of the new land given to the Hobbits. Somewhere close. Somewhere where they can make a difference to other Hobbits in a way that people will notice."

Pippin leaned back in his chair and sucked his pipe. He stared up on the ceiling and pondered for several minutes. Sam nervously leaned back in his chair but studied Pippin's facial expression as well as he could.

"You did indeed help save the world" Pippin finally said and blew a smoke ring. "I guess what you're asking for is not that much."

"I'm asking you because, well, you have one son" Sam said.

Pippin looked at Sam with a deep frown.

"Pardon me? What does Faramir have to do with this?"

"Well I thought it would only be fair to ask you and not Master Merry, he has more sons to share the inheritance."

"So the Tooks deserve to lose theirs, my future grandsons, who might be **many** in numbers, deserve to get less?"

"No I don't mean it that way!"

"I'm sorry I only have one son" Pippin said. "Not all of us can spend our days making children left right and center!"

"Mister Pippin!"

Pippin gave him a very angry glare and rose from his chair. He looked out the window onto the fields outside. Sam bit his lower lip nervously.

"No I shan't give you any land" Pippin said. "Bag End is your land and shall stay that way. These areas are my lands, as are the recently added parts. They shall belong to the Tooks for as long as we still dwell here."

"I don't think I'm asking for too much!"

"Which child did you have in mind to take over the lands?" Pippin asked. "Frodo? Merry? Pippin perhaps, now that would be suitable."

"Now Mister Pippin, you are not being very kindly."

"Answer my question."

"Actually I… wanted it to be Fastred."

"Your son-in-law?" Pippin said and turned around. "You don't even like him!"

"But he will leave it to Elanor's son, the child of my firstborn, my firstborn grandson. By rights it should belong to him."

"By rights Frodo is next of kin."

"Frodo has Bag End."

"Sam asking for land is too much. I shall not give it to you. I will however appoint your son-in-law a duty if that makes you feel any better."

"What duty?"

"Warden" Pippin said after thinking for a second. "Of Westmarch. He can help look after it when I or Faramir aren't there. But bear in mind that it is still our land and no great decisions are to be made without our consent."

"Thank you" Sam said and rose. "It means a lot to me. Us Gamgees should get something too, we have earned it."

"So have the Tooks and Brandybucks" Pippin said, who was still upset over Sam's previous comment on him only having one son.

"I am very grateful" Sam said and tried to ignore Pippin's mood. "You don't know what this means to me. You really are a friend."

"Now run along before I change my mind" Pippin said. "I'll draw up papers on it and have it official before Midsummer."

"I won't forget this" Sam said and bowed.

"Off you go."

"Thanks Pip" Sam said and left the study.

With a groan Pippin sunk down in his chair. He knew it was only right to give that duty to Sam's family, Sam had indeed earned it for them. But Pippin couldn't get past Sam's comment on how he only had one son. It had hurt far more than Sam would have thought. Pippin had never thought Faramir would be in any bad position because he was an only son, Merry had never had any problems and he had no siblings either. But now it seemed Faramir had less right to inheritance since he was only one while the Brandybucks were four and the Gamgees were more than Pippin could bother to count at the moment.

Deep down it made Pippin feel like a failure. He had never become the head of a great family, he had only a wife and son. Sam had been able to father thirteen children and Merry six, Aragorn had eight and Legolas would not be thinking about marriage for another millennium or so. Pippin didn't count Gimli to the fathering herd since he was a Dwarf and few of them became fathers. Pippin had only managed to have one child.

Angrily he got up and left his office. He knew he could not have asked for a better child than his Faramir. The lad was as close to perfect as Pippin could imagine them coming. In his mind and heart he felt one Faramir was worth all of Sam's sons together, though he had a feeling Sam would strongly disagree. Pippin loved his son and he didn't want to feel guilty for not having any other sons. But right now he couldn't help it. Sam's comment had hit where it hurt, and although it hadn't been his friend's intention Pippin wad furious and couldn't take his mind off it.

He walked into the library where Faramir and Cordy were reading up on family history and told Faramir to get up. Two pairs of surprised eyes looked up at him from under curly fringes.

"Is there a problem sir?" Faramir asked.

"You and I are going riding."

"Now?" Faramir looked over at his second cousin. "But Cordy and I were…"

"**Now** Faramir" Pippin said.

Looking confused Faramir got up and followed his father to the stables. Cordy came with them, announcing that he would be riding home since Faramir was going out. He seemed confused as to what was going on but knew better than to ask. He could always find out from Faramir later what was up.

Pippin saddled Crow and mounted, impatiently waiting for Faramir. Once they were out on the meadows just the two of them, Faramir looked at his father with questioning eyes and waited for an explanation. None came. They rode in silence for a while.

"Take a good look around you" Pippin said. "Every leaf, straw of grass, every pebble, they are all our lands. Your lands someday."

They came to a hilltop and Pippin halted Crow. Faramir halted his pony and obediently looked around.

"Don't ever let anybody tell you that you're not worth all this" Pippin said. "Don't you let anyone make you believe that everything that belongs to the Tooks shouldn't rightfully be yours. Don't let anybody say that because you haven't had adventures you haven't earned this."

"I didn't know I was expected to have that doubted sir" Faramir said.

"Someday someone might" Pippin said. "I know growing up in the shadow of me cannot have been easy. People have forgotten that I was decided to inherit these lands on the day I was born, it had nothing to do with anything I did later in life. The lands given to us by the king are just additions to what we already have power over. It is ours, as much as this hilltop we are on. A day may come when people question your right to be Thain as you have not done what I did earlier in my years."

"But I am your heir" Faramir said. "I know that, father. That's what I've always known that I am. That's how I introduce myself to people, son and heir of Peregrin. I am your son and heir."

"You are everything you want to be" Pippin said. "Son and heir, those are just titles and descriptions. You are young and you are free, you are brave, you are cheerful and you are a good person. You are good at climbing trees and that does not make you queer. You are a fine rider, you are an excellent farmer. You can do whatever you want to do. And you earn everything that I have to give you every day of your life. You may be the only child I've got but you're worth more than a dozen sons to any other father. I wish I could have been like you when I was young."

"And all I want to be is you" Faramir said. "You are the best Hobbit I have ever known. You are everything I could ever hope of being. When I do things that upset you I feel like I die inside, for it means I am not as I should be."

"You are not me and you never will be. You are your own and that is better. You have my best qualities but you also have the best from your wonderful mother. What I love most in you is what you get from her."

Faramir didn't know what to say to fill the silence after Pippin's last words. The sun before them was beginning to set and he watched the setting sun. It was beautiful to watch it like this, he had never thought about it before.

"When the sun sets over Peregrin I of the Great Smials," Pippin said, "Faramir I will take over. And he will be wonderful at it."

"I hope your life is like summer" Faramir said. "The summer sun never seems to set."

Pippin didn't respond. In silence they watched the sun slowly setting. When it still had a long way to go Pippin turned Crow around and headed back home. Faramir followed his father who left before the setting sun.

XX

XX

XX

Merry sat down on the blanket and leaned against the trunk of a huge old oak. His stomach was full and he was more than happy at the moment. The leaves of the tree cast a cooling shadow that protected them from the sun shining brightly in the clear blue sky. It was a fine day for a picnic with the family.

Estella finished her last strawberries and began packing things back into the basket. Merry gave her a playful kick with his foot and told her to leave it for the time being. Estella shook her head and said she wanted everything cleared away now that everyone was done eating. Nearby Dusky and Aestas were gracing.

"Leave it" Merry said again. "Come here instead."

She packed the last things into the basket and then did as he had told her. She sat down next to him and leaned against the tree. He put his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled fresh. She had washed it only a few days ago.

"Do you remember the picnics we used to have when they were little?" he asked.

"Many wonderful afternoons spent out like this" Estella smiled. "We haven't had a picnic in a long time."

"This might be the last one we ever have" Merry said. "They are getting so big now. Soon they won't be interested in going with us."

Éowyn, who would be 26 in the fall, looked up as if she had heard him. She was over by the river which flowed calmly nearby, dipping her feet into the water which was quite cold yet. It surprised Merry that she still wanted to come to these outings. When he had been her age he had never gone with his parents unless he was required to. He had spent all of his spare time with Frodo, Pippin, Folco or Fatty. Friends, ale and mushrooms had been the most important things in the world. That and lasses. He had yet not seen Éowyn with any lad on more than one occasion. She seemed to dance with them and laugh with them but never get interested in them. A shame for them, for she was still as fair as she had ever been.

In her heart, even though she was 26 she was still her daddy's little girl. She had walked in his footprints all her life and seemed content with it. She wanted to be around him as much as he could and was still convinced that there was no lad out there as great as him. Coming to a family picnic didn't seem like a boring afternoon in her mind, as long as he was there.

Her sister was running through the grass nearby, having lots of energy saved up from winter and eager to run some of it off. Lúthien was not the beauty her sister was, but she had a more outgoing personality and made friends more easily. She was the youngest and still in many ways a child, though with her sixteen years she was beginning to look more like an adult than a child. She took every chance she got to play and have fun, which her parents didn't mind as long as she did all her chores. She paused in her running and looked back at her parents with a smile. Neither parent could forget how close they had come six years ago to never seeing that smile again. She was the baby, and probably always would be.

Down by the river Éowyn splashed some water up on her oldest brother who was seated on a rock with one of his favorite books. Théodoc looked up and frowned at her, but couldn't be mad at her when she laughed and waded out into the river. Théo, the by far most serious child in the litter, never waded in the river, ran through the fields or played in the hay. If Lúthien took her time growing up, Théo could not have been in more of a hurry. He had been an adult even as a child, a very shy and withdrawn one at that. But when he was surrounded by only his close family he could lighten up and put aside his books for a while. That seemed to be exactly what Éowyn wanted him to do at the moment and she got up from the river and snatched his book away.

"Come little brother" she said. "Save your books for a rainy day. I bet I can catch a fish in the river before you can."

"I bet all of us can catch a fish before Théo" Cordy said with a grin.

"One of these days I'm throwing you **into** the river, Cordy" Théo said and got up from his rock and waded into the water. "You deserve it."

"Can you wait until the water gets warmer?" Cordy asked. "I'd hate to get a cold from swimming too early in the season…"

Cordy followed his brother and sister to the water and began the competition of who could catch a fish first. It didn't take long before Cordy tired, he was way too impatient to wait for the fish to come to him. But if he gave up he would have lost to his dull older brother and his pride forbade him to do that. So he stayed and waited for a fish to come close enough.

"What's taking you so long, Comradoc?" Lúthien asked in a taunting tone of voice. "I thought you were an expert at fishing."

"I am, but you're scaring them off" he icily replied.

The two siblings who bickered the most were doubtlessly Cordy and Lúthien. Everything was a contest and they never missed an opportunity to give the other a verbal punch. They were also the two who were angry at each other for real the most, most of the time one of their siblings had to interfere and end their arguments. If there was a disagreement among the other siblings Cordy and Lúthien always took opposite sides. It concerned Estella that even after Lúthien's serious illness they hadn't made peace with each other. Merry didn't see it as such a serious thing however, he didn't believe that their constant bickering was based on any real dislike.

Finally Cordy managed to catch his fish, and nobly let it back into the water after holding it up as proof. Merry couldn't help but marvel at the fact that his second son was the closest to Pippin's Faramir. They had expected their sons who were born and raised together to be as close as they were, but Théo and Faramir never seemed to understand one another. Instead Cordy had been the one to seek Faramir's friendship, and Merry knew that his son was happy that he would one day take over Crickhollow together with his best friend.

Estella sat up straight and shadowed the sun with her hand.

"Lucky!" she said. "Don't go near the river!"

"Mother!" the youngest son complained but realized it was no use. He walked away from the river and slumped on the ground.

"I never get to do anything" he complained to Aramac who was stretched out on his back trying to sleep.

"Well you're still a kid" Aramac said.

"Am not! I am eighteen years old this summer. You got to go swimming when you were ten! Even Lúthie is out in the water and she is younger than me."

"It's for your own good, now quit complaining and let me sleep."

Lucky snorted and threw grass at his indifferent brother. He hated being the one who got easily sick and always had to be sheltered. He was growing up and he didn't want to spend his life under restrictions set up by his mother. What was the harm in going in the water anyway, the water here was not deep enough to drown in. And if his siblings could play around in the water it couldn't be so cold that they would get sick.

He glanced over at his mother who had leaned back against his father's shoulder and wondered when she would stop smothering him. When they were at the Hall there was always some relative making sure he didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to, Lucky feared that even after his mother was gone he would still be smothered by others. Angrily he pulled up more grass and tossed around him.

"Lucky, do you mind?" Aramac said and sat up a bit. "I'm trying to sleep here!"

Lucky made a face which Aramac missed since he had already closed his eyes again and leaned back down. Sometimes his older brother got on Lucky's nerves. He had once heard distant relatives at Brandy Hall refer to Aramac as 'the best one', and even though Lucky knew that wasn't exactly true his brother did seem to have an awful lot of perks. He knew that they all had good sides and bad sides, but the annoying thing about Aramac was that he seemed to have many of the good sides their father had. Lucky wished people could see how lazy his brother was at the moment, maybe then they wouldn't think he was so great.

Over by their tree Estella let her eyes off Lucky for now and gave her husband a kiss on the cheek.

"Tonight I expect you to reward me for coming up with this bright idea about a picnic…" she said.

Merry's eyebrows perked up.

"Tonight? Why wait until tonight. Send the children home…"

"That would suit you, wouldn't it?" Estella said and gave him a playful smack. "Someone might walk by…"

"Then we'd ask them to come back later."

Estella couldn't help but laugh. Then she looked at their six children, who weren't really children anymore at all. They had to cherish these days because all six of them wouldn't stick within their family circle for much longer. Soon they would all have families of their own. The time was drawing near for the new generation to take over.

"Sometimes when I look at them I can't believe they're really ours" she said to Merry. "Look at them! So grown up, so charming and beautiful. Weren't they babies just a week ago?"

"We've done a fine job with them" Merry said. "They are well liked and they are respected. But more importantly they respect others. Even little Lúthie is starting to become a lady. Do you remember the night she was conceived?"

"How could I ever forget?" Estella asked.

They looked at each other for a second with a knowing smile between them.

"Send the children home…" Merry said again.

XX  
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XX

Sam nervously tried to iron his shirt so that it had not the slightest wrinkle on it and cast a glance on the clock on the wall. He only had thirty minutes before the ceremony would start. The ceremony in which Elanor's Fastred would be made Warden of Westmarch. It was a very big day for Sam. He only prayed that Fastred would see the importance of the day and the situation, and that he would live up to the expectations now placed on him. Sam was worried that his son-in-law wouldn't be able to handle the job as Warden and casting shame over Sam. Most of all Sam worried that Fastred would be bad at the job and make Pippin regret his decision. Sam knew that Pippin was upset enough as it were.

But Sam knew he did not regret his decision to talk to Pippin and ask for some title or line of duty to be passed on through the Gamgee family. His grandson Elfstan would some day be Warden of the Westmarch. That was quite something for a Gamgee descendant, although his grandson was a Fairbairn.

He looked over at his oldest son, the son he knew both Pippin and Merry felt should have gotten the title of Warden. But Sam knew that it was better this way. His Frodo had no interest in office duties or moving to other places. Frodo was happiest in the garden, he had green fingers and loved to keep them in the soil. He was much like his father, but he lacked Sam's interest in holding office and trying to make a social difference. Sam knew that Frodo would not be happy as a Warden, he wanted to live his life in the gardens and so he should.

It was obvious at this very moment that Frodo didn't have any interest for the kind of life he would have gotten in the Westmarch. For this special occasion he was required to dress up and he was extremely uneasy. Primrose was doing her best to help him get in order but it was a struggle. She kept buttoning his vest all the way up and he kept opening up the top two buttons claiming he couldn't breathe otherwise.

"Frodo stop it!" Primrose complained and smacked her older brother on the fingers as he once again tried to unbutton his shirt. "You can't have it unbuttoned!"

"Primrose I'd like to breathe."

"Hold your breath then. This is an important day and you can't look like a gardener!"

"There's nothing wrong with being a gardener."

"Yes there is, when there's a party. You don't se Gaff going to important events looking like he just came from his flowerbeds."

Sam smiled. His children called him Gaff, like he had called his father Gaffer. It made him proud and it reminded him of his own father who had died a long time ago. The only child who didn't call him Gaff was Bilbo, who for some reason refused to call him anything but Sam. And for some reason Sam accepted it. He had been Sam to Mister Bilbo, it only felt natural.

At the time being, young Bilbo was nowhere to be found. He and some other children were playing hide and seek and at the moment there was a lot of seeking. Sam had told the children they had better be outside by the tree by a quarter till noon, if they weren't they could be sure to receive punishment.

Elanor came rushing in to the room and placed a kiss on her father's cheek.

"You look great, Gaff" she said.

"So do you" Sam said and admired his beautiful daughter. "Pretty as a picture. But you always were. Where is your lad?"

"Rose's got him" Elanor said and looked around nervously. "Where is Bilbo? I can find everyone but him!"

"I told him to be back in good time. He's off playing. Don't be nervous darling, it's just an announcement and a party."

"An important announcement" Elanor said. "And a going away party. Fastred and I leave in the morning."

"I know" Sam said and tried not to think of it.

That was the downside of the arrangement. Elanor would be moving further away. But it was for the best that it happened, Sam knew it. He also knew that by choosing to let Elanor's son be the inheritor of this title it would pass from the Gamgee family. The most logic thing would have been to give the title and the office to Merry since Frodo wouldn't want it, and since the oldest son had Bag End anyway. But Sam wanted it this way. It was no secret to his heart that Elanor had always been his favorite. She had been the ultimate proof in his eyes that evil had been defeated and the Shire had been saved, and that life would go on. She had also been around when Frodo Baggins still lived at Bag End, Sam could still remember Frodo holding baby Elanor in his arms. Her very name was given to her by Sam's old master. She was living memory of Frodo. She was also his firstborn and his most fair child. He loved all his children, but she was the most special one.

Pippin entered the room with little Elfstan in his arms and with a grin told Elanor that the less than year old child wanted his mother. Elanor took him from her brother and asked why Rose hadn't brought him when he started to cry. With a shrug to the shoulder Pippin explained that Rose hadn't known how to make him stop crying, but Pippin had given his little nephew a lump of sugar which had quieted him for the time being.

It didn't surprise Sam to hear. Pippin had always had a good hand with children. He always had time to play with his younger siblings and any other child who might be visiting. Although he was 26 years old now he always found the time for the children. Sam predicted that if any of his children had as many babies as siblings, it would be Pippin.

Elanor and Pippin left with the baby, and through the door came instead Daisy, arguing with Goldilocks over a ribbon.

"Why would you want to wear the blue ribbon?" Daisy asked. "It doesn't match your eyes or your dress!"

"Why would **you** want to wear it?" Goldilocks asked back. "It doesn't go with your hair. It goes with mine."

"Well if **everything** goes with yours you might as well wear the brown one!" Daisy argued.

"No fighting!" Sam said. "Settle this or neither will get to wear the ribbon."

Daisy sighed and turned to Primrose.

"Who do you think should wear it?"

"If you ask me," Primrose said diplomatically, "Goldilocks should wear the brown since it goes with her hair but not with Daisy's."

"Thank you!" Daisy twittered and placed the blue ribbon in her hair.

"No fair" Goldilocks complained.

The two were always bickering about something. They were close, but they competed about everything. Each party was a contest in who could get the most attention from the lads and who could get more dances. Whenever they had to dress up it was a constant bicker over who would get to wear what, and Primrose was often called in to settle it. Neither Goldilocks nor Daisy seemed to notice that half the time Primrose let one sister win and half the time the other. Each time they won the argument they would be triumphing and each time they lost they would label it unfair. And so it went on.

"Everybody's here now" young Merry announced, entering the room. "I just put the last pony into the stable."

"We should be ready to begin soon then" Sam said.

Merry bowed slightly and left the room. He never said much, Sam's second son, and he seemed uncomfortable whenever he had to be around a creature that didn't have four legs. Merry would not have been fit to be Warden either. Elanor was the right choice.

"Come now" Sam said to his children. "It's time to go outside. Frodo, run and see if you can find your brother. I'd feel much better if Bilbo was in place now, since we might start earlier."

Frodo nodded and left, followed by Primrose who was determined to make sure he didn't undo his buttons. Sam left the room followed by Goldilocks and Daisy, and found his wife and his daughter Rose waiting by the front door. There was nobody else inside but the Gamgees it seemed, everyone else must have gone outside. Sam gave his two Roses a kiss on the cheek each and took one at each arm. Robin, the youngest, came running from the kitchen and with a bow opened the door. Sam nodded to him and stepped outside with his wife and children.

Out in the garden the shriffs were gathered along with Pippin, Merry and their families. The event was going to be formal, few people were there that didn't have a specific task to do or was a member of the Gamgee, Brandybuck or Took families. Sam searched with his eyes for Elanor and Fastred, and found the latter standing nervously next to a Peregrin who looked formal and less than friendly. Elanor was sitting by a table with Elfstan in her arms, surrounded by Merry's two daughters and her brother Pippin.

Sam's wife and children left his side and went to sit down. Sam smiled at Peregrin who only returned it by a nod, still offended by the conversation they had had in the beginning of summer and not in the mood for friendly tokens at the moment. Sam ignored this and walked up to him.

"Are we ready to begin?" he asked.

Pippin looked up at the sun which was right in the center of the sky.

"Zenith. Yes, I think we are."

XX  
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XX

An hour later the ceremony was over and so was the meal that followed. Poor Fastred was looking even more nervous now, he had been seated next to Peregrin who was laying down the law and giving him strict guidelines on how to be a Warden. Pippin informed him that he was going to keep a close eye on things and reminded him that the Westmarch was still his land and that Fastred had better take good care of it.

Next to Peregrin sat Meriadoc, who had since long stopped listening to his cousin. He knew that deep down Pippin didn't really mean it as harshly as he said it but it might be good to scare young Fairbairn a bit. He was after all just another irresponsible, foolish Hobbit who might not be so sure of how to best care for land.

Across the table from Meriadoc sat Elanor, now without a child in her lap since Elfstan had been put to bed. She leaned over and gently put her hand on Merry's.

"Sir…" she said. "Uncle Pippin, I think he's really starting to scare my husband. Is he not finished soon?"

"It doesn't appear that way" Merry said. "But don't you worry, Elanor my fair. I will put a muzzle on him soon if needed."

Elanor smiled slightly and returned to what was left of her meal. As soon as dinner was finished and Pippin had gotten up from his seat Sam rose and walked up to him.

"Mister Pippin!" he said. "I want to thank you."

"Sure, fine" Pippin said and filled his mug with ale.

"Mister Pippin… Really, thank you."

Pippin shrugged a shoulder and focused on the mug. Sam wanted to say something else but didn't quite know what. Pippin was acting unusually strange, even for being Pippin, but Sam knew it was not the moment to share confidences and secrets. Pippin would not want to. Not with him at any rate. But Sam had a feeling that there was something more than losing part of control of the Westmarch which was bothering Pippin. He had never been power-driven and it was very out of character for him to get this upset over letting someone else run a piece of land. There had to be something else going on.

He decided to leave it for the time being and go find Elanor. She had gone inside to check on Elfstan, who was most likely still asleep. Tomorrow she would be moving away, further away than she had ever been from Sam during her entire life. He would go with her and help them get settled at first, but before long he would have to return to Hobbiton and leave his baby girl. And tonight would be the last night in a long time that he had her at home in Bag End. He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

He walked inside and stopped by a window. He cast a glance out on the party area and smiled, but it was a melancholy smile. It was not that he didn't love what he saw. He saw his family and his best friends' families having fun together. Robin and Bilbo had fallen asleep, the former was being lifted up by young Pippin to be taken inside to his bed and the latter was given the same treatment by one of the shriffs. Primrose was teaching Aramac a new dance step she had learned. Frodo and Théo were discussing something, accompanied by young Rose. The older Rose was talking to Estella further down the table, and Diamond was talking to Meriadoc. Young Merry was handing one of the shriffs his pony. Goldilocks and Daisy were making eyes at a young member of the shriffs who seemed flattered, but his attention was quickly stolen away by Éowyn who sat down next to him, much to the dismay of the Gamgee girls. Lúthien had fallen asleep with her head in Lucky's lap and Faramir and Cordy were whispering about something. Everybody seemed to be having fun and enjoying each other's company. But it would not last forever. The days of these three families were ending. The time had come for the seventeen children to start families of their own now. Yet another stage in Sam's life had come to an end.

He tore his eyes from the window and walked into Elanor's old room and sat down next to her. She looked up at him and smiled. For her life was beginning for real.

XX  
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XX

"Alright Pippin, what is it?" Merry asked.

Pippin shrugged a shoulder. He was sitting up on his favorite Buckland hilltop watching the slowly setting sun, but without really seeing its beauty. Merry had thought he would find him here. He had noticed his cousin's strange behavior for quite some time now and come to the conclusion that he didn't want to wait for Pippin to say something. He wanted to know what was going on now, so he could help Pippin do something about it.

"It's nothing" Pippin said.

"Don't tell me nothing" Merry said and sat down next to him. "I know when it's not nothing. You've never been able to lie to me."

"When I was thirteen I told you I had read the book you wanted me to read but actually I just read the last chapter."

"I know" Merry said. "And I knew. So tell me… What is going on? It can't possibly be this whole thing with Fastred becoming Warden!"

"No…" Pippin said. "But I haven't forgiven Sam."

"Forgiven Sam for what?"

"For asking me the way he asked me. For making me feel like I had achieved less because I only have one child. For making it seem like my son deserved less because he is an only child."

"Sam actually said that to you?" Merry said with doubt in his voice.

"Well not in so many words… But it sure felt like it was what he meant. And it made me so furious! I can't help not having fathered thirteen children! We can't all be bunnies like Sam!"

"Pip you are a bunny" Merry said. "You just have less to show for it."

"My Faramir is worth everything he inherits and more" Pippin said. "I don't have seven sons to divide my lands between but that does not mean my only son earns it less!"

"I know that, Sam knows that, we all know that" Merry said.

"Merry he really made me feel like I was an underachiever, that I had failed where it mattered the most" Pippin said and tears began to fall down his cheeks. "I felt like everything I have accomplished means nothing because I don't leave behind a dozen little Tooks to run around the Shire for all of time!"

"Thankfully" Merry joked, but then shook his head. "Pippin Sam could not have meant it that way and you know it. You overreacted."

"Well what if he is right? What if Faramir can't have children, what if his **wife** can't have children? There ends my bloodline and--"

"And if the snake had legs it would be a lizard" Merry said. "What if you stopped asking 'what if'? This is not what's really bothering you, I want to know what it is."

"It is what's bothering me" Pippin said. "I love my son very much and I don't want anyone to think like Sam that he doesn't deserve his inheritance!"

"Nobody thinks that" Merry said. "If you're worried that they won't think he deserves it because he didn't go to strange places and have adventure then you have forgotten how Hobbits think. But if you'd like you could send him to Gondor now, like you've talked about."

"I've changed my mind about that, I'm not sending him to Gondor."

"How come?"

"Because I don't want him to be like me."

"I'm not following."

"Living life in the past, unable to get over things that were, torn between two places."

"Pip just sending him to Gondor won't do to him what the journey did to us. There are no more rings to destroy, no more evil wizards to defeat, no more great wars. Let him go to Gondor and educate him."

Pippin shook his head.

"I will not put him at risk of falling in love with it."

"Pippin, what harm can come of that?"

"My child shall never feel the torment that longing brings. For it is not a sweet torment when you long and ache for so long over something far from your reach. He shall never see any clear visions of the past, memories so real that you can feel what you then felt but can never have back. I shall never have him dreaming of days now in the past, memories too bittersweet to put up with. He shall never feel that way."

"That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?" Merry said. "Our old memories. They've caught up with you, and hard this time."

"It scares me so much Merry…" Pippin whispered through his tears. "It is all over. I was never more alive than between the day I left Bag End with Frodo and the day I returned home to the Smials and sat down with my parents and my sisters."

"I know."

"But even then, even when we returned here, the feeling was leaving and was not coming back. When we said goodbye to our friends and the fellowship ended, that's when it began to fade… It was not even a year, yet it was my whole life. I have never been more scared, more weary, more hurt or more tormented. And I have never been more filled with friendship, brotherly love, feeling of worth and of belonging. But it is all over now."

"The end of the Fellowship was not an ending" Merry said. "Our fellowship didn't end then anymore than it ended when Gandalf fell or Boromir died."

"But I'm scared" Pippin said. "For I know that the best of all the years have gone by."

"We all have to grow older."

"Yes but that feeling should come at seventy, not at twenty-eight. I lived only for a half a year. True, I lived more during those months than most Hobbits ever do, but it was too short a time."

"I know how you feel" Merry said. "We've all felt like that. Even Legolas, who is an Elf and can really **live** in his memories."

"So all us nine suffer" Pippin said.

"We're not nine anymore" Merry said. "There is no Boromir. And Frodo and Gandalf are overseas. Us six who are here in Middle-Earth. But there's no need to suffer, although lord knows I forget that myself at times. We should be grateful that we got those months together and that we got to be part of the experience."

"I wish I had never been part of the Fellowship" Pippin said.

"You don't mean it."

"Every last syllable I mean" Pippin said. "I wish I had never left the Shire. I don't want to have made friends with the fellowship members, I don't want to have formed bonds of friendship that run thicker than blood if all it was for was for me to lose it."

"That's ridiculous" Merry said. "Those bonds kept us alive, kept us together. We would never have made it that far without those bonds. We were meant to be in the Fellowship, there was not one member who could have been replaced. Why regret having had such close friends? Think of everything you've learned from it!"

"But why would anyone want to learn how valuable it is if they are forced to spend their lives missing it?"

"You know they say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

"Platitudes. The real truth is that life has been cruel to us. Why did we have to see Gondor and Rohan and fall in love with it if we were never meant to be there? I wish I had never seen anything but the Shire and known anyone but the Hobbits, then I wouldn't be feeling this pain."

"No Pip… You would be feeling this way no matter what, only now you know why."

Pippin gave him a look but didn't ask what he meant. Merry kneeled down in front of him.

"For you see… You miss them because they are part of you and who you are. That's how it's meant to be. I believe that when we are born it has already been decided who our friends in life will be. It is our job to find them. You feel this pain because you aren't with friends close to your heart but at least you know the source of your troubles. It would have been worse if you had longed them and missed them without even knowing it, since you had never met them."

"Feel free to make some sense."

"I know in my heart that I was meant to be Éowyn's friend, just as I was meant to be yours. And I miss her. But if I had never met her it would not have changed the feeling that something is missing. I was born lacking a part of me that was she, and only in finding her could I get that part back. Every time we part I have to do without it again. And it's the same with Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Frodo, Boromir… And Théoden, and Éomer. They all carried parts of me all along and I was empty until I met them. Don't you see? What you long for is those parts of you. But if you had never met these people then those parts would still be missing. Only you would not know why or know how to make it better. You carry parts of them too. They long for your company because you bring those parts with you. That's how it all works."

"You're wrong" Pippin said. "I don't know what to do about it. Do you know who I miss the most?"

"Frodo?"

"Gandalf. I know he was strict and condescending at times, and not much of a hand to hold in troubled times… But he was like a strict grandfather to me, a mentor of sorts. When he and I rode to Minas Tirith something changed. I realized more than ever how much he meant to me and how great it was to be around the White Wizard. In Minas Tirith we were alone among many others, we were the only two members of the fellowship, stranded together in an ocean of other people in the middle of a horrible battle. And I could somehow tell that even though I wasn't the smartest, bravest or noblest person to be around Gandalf preferred my company… and it was simply because I was closer to his heart than anyone else there for I was in the Fellowship. And I got to prove my worth to him and there was a stronger bond between us. He grew more protective of me. Merry I always felt like Frodo was 'Gandalf's Hobbit', so to speak, he was the one closest to the wizard. But by the end of the battle at Pelennor it was I who were closer to him. I could feel it when we were all reunited. I had become the one closest to Gandalf."

Merry nodded, even though he wondered how much of this was actually true and how much was in Pippin's imagination or memories altered by the passing of time. But he let Pippin speak, he seemed to be needing it.

"Did you notice that I would be the one to ride with Gandalf? The one to sit next to him? When you and I were reunited you had become all of Rohan's Hobbit it seemed. Most of all you were Éowyn's, but also Éomer's."

"Pippin I'm not comfortable with you talking of us like we are possessions."

"That's not what I'm saying. But do you remember that dog I had when I was little? The cat had kittens one summer and one of the kittens immediately came under the wings of the dog. You would see them together and all that. Do you remember? It was as if the kitten was the dog's cat, even though he was free to come and go and the dog did not own him."

"So you're saying you are Gandalf's Hobbit just like the kitten was the dog's?"

"Kind of. I don't know how to put words to it really, but just like how out of all the humans in Rohan you go to Éomer and out of all the Hobbits Éomer goes to you. That's how it works."

"Pippin that's friendship."

"I don't know how else to explain it" Pippin snarled. "But it's something else than that. When the time came to ride to the Black Gates I rode with Gandalf, why? Why not with Aragorn or with Éomer?"

Merry kept in a sigh and wished he hadn't said anything. He did not understand what Pippin was saying and his cousin only seemed to be getting more and more angry. Better to steer him into some other topic than continue with this discussion which was going nowhere.

"Look Pip" he said. "You miss Gandalf. I understand that. And I know there's not much we can do about that, he's sailed back to the Undying Lands. But you're not just missing Gandalf, are you Pip?"

"No but I miss him the most… Him and Frodo. And old Bilbo Baggins. I miss Boromir too. I only knew him for so short a time but he was a brother to me. He died to save me. I never got a chance to thank him for everything he did."

"You saved his brother, wasn't that enough?" Merry asked. "I didn't even do that! I'm more in debt than you are!"

"Well in any case it is futile to be told that who your friends are to be is set by fate and that once you are apart you'll miss them. That doesn't make the longing go away."

"No but my point remains the same. Just because you are meant to be friends with some people it doesn't mean you will ever meet them in your lifetime. Perhaps Fatty was meant to have a wife but she died at a young age and they never got a chance to meet. You see Pip, the emptiness you are feeling is the good kind. It's the emptiness that comes when something or someone you love is far away. Anything that you love is good, and there is some good in missing it as well. Had you never known Gandalf you would still feel that emptiness, you would be as empty as a vase, but you would not know the reason."

"Maybe then I would be alive!" Pippin spat out and flew to his feet.

"Pippin!"

Pippin began striding the other way, angry and determined. Merry had to run to catch up with him.

"I don't live my life here and now, see?" Pippin angrily said. "I have never really aged past 28! I lived life for less than a year, and now that year is long gone and where has that left me? Dwelling in days now gone, things that shall never come again! I wish I had never come to Rivendell and become part of the Fellowship! I wish I had never left the Shire! I wish I had never even met you, Merry!"

"Now stop right there!" Merry said and grabbed his cousin's arm. "Listen to yourself!"

"I am listening to myself, but are you? That year stole everything from me, it's like I lived too much and now cannot live fully again!"

"You have been living fully, but these fits overcome all us six still in Middle-Earth! This is just the way it is, see?"

"No, I don't accept that!"

"Well maybe you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself!" Merry angrily said. "Perhaps you should stop and realize a thing or two. We were chosen before our birth to be in the Fellowship of the Ring, the fellowship that saved Middle-Earth! It is not only a privilege it is a task! Who are you to challenge that, to say it was of evil and that it had been best not to be part of it? If it hadn't been for Frodo and his Fellowship we all would be slaves of Sauron today!"

"If it weren't us it would have been nine others."

"No nine can be like the nine of us. Frankly your bellyaching is getting tiresome! Be glad for what you got to experience instead of cry because it ended like a child who's sad that there are no more strawberries! You were privileged, chosen to be one of the Nine and you should be grateful for that! Why be this way over memories of times so great that you hate life because they are over? Don't you see how that doesn't add up? How can you wish for those times to have never been when all you do is wish they had never ended?"

"They weren't all sugarcoated" Pippin said and yanked his arm free. "We've forgotten more than half the pain and suffering."

"We have not forgotten a moment and you know it."

"You say it was a privilege. It destroyed my life. I cannot life like a Hobbit anymore when all I can think of was when I was Peregrin Took of the Fellowship."

"You lived very happily as a Hobbit until a while ago" Merry pointed out. "It just hasn't caught up with you until now. I dealt with all this a long time ago Pippin."

"Perhaps when I reach your distinguished age I too can be wise" Pippin scoffed.

"Don't talk like that to me. I know you long. I know you miss. But trust me, someday you'll be glad you got to be a part of it. I wouldn't give up a single one of my memories. Except for parts of our stay with the orcs…"

"That won't be anytime soon, the day I am glad I was part of it" Pippin said and began to walk further away again. "And I'm telling you Meriadoc my child shall never go through this!"

"Oh he won't" Merry said. "For ours was the last great adventure."

"The road just gets longer to Minas Tirith… to the Year of the Ring… I cannot reach it anymore. I once lived it, now I can't reach it."

"Faramir will not have memories like yours, I can promise you that."

"No he shan't" Pippin said and sank down on the ground again. "Never. He shall never feel this way. All his memories shall be sweet, all the things he love shall be in his reach."

Merry sank down next to him.

"I pray it will be so. In the meantime, let's look after his father."

"Just let me hibernate and come out again in October three years from now, or whenever this feeling will go away."

"I wouldn't say it goes away, it just becomes tolerable as you learn."

"Oh how uplifting" Pippin snarled.

"Peregrin my lad, you won't be depressed forever."

"It's just not fair that home should be in two places, and that family shall be in even more places."

"But we have each other" Merry said. "Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas do not see each other as often as you, Sam and I meet. We are the lucky ones."

"Every time we meet them it scares me how they've aged" Pippin said. "Not Legolas but the others. In my memory we are all young and strong."

"You need to go to Minas Tirith" Merry said, as if it suddenly dawned on him. "You need to see those friends of old and those places. It's the only thing I can think of."

"It's been years" Pippin said.

"Indeed, but you can stop counting them. We can be on the road in three weeks if we shake a leg!"

"We?"

"Of course. I am going with you."

"Estella will be mad" Pippin said. "You've been away so much."

"This is important" Merry said. "She'll understand. Or she won't, but that's her thing to worry about." Suddenly he was very upbeat. "At once when we get home we shall write Strider and give him news of our upcoming arrival."

"It won't do any good in the long run though" Pippin said with a sigh as he got up on his feet. "Sooner or later things will be like now again."

"Do you ever stop for a second when we're working together in the fields and look at the seven young Hobbits nearby?" Merry asked. "Frolicking at play, loving life, having not a care in the world? They would not be here today had we not won the war. You think about that next time you're wondering if it was all worth it."

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"Merry!"

Merry looked up from the shirt he was mending. Pippin was hurrying through the bushes with a grin on his face.

"Come quick Merry!"

Merry got up and cast a glance at the ponies to make sure they were securely tied up and then followed his cousin through the bushes. Pippin was a few yards ahead of him and when Merry reached what Pippin wanted to show him his cousin was already down on the ground shoving berries into his mouth.

"Raspberries!" Merry exclaimed.

"And they're perfectly ripe too" Pippin said through the berries. "Taste some!"

"I've never seen a fairer sight in all my life!" Merry claimed and attacked the berries full force. They had not had anything to eat besides their waybread for a week now, any change in diet was more than welcome.

"And there's more!" Pippin said and pointed to more bushes around. "Mmmm, they taste just right! Sweet and lovely!"

Merry grinned. He wished he could save this moment and make it last forever. Pippin had been in brighter spirits once they were on their way, but he had not seen his cousin this happy in a long time. Pippin had red stains all over his clothes, face and hands and looked more like a young child than the adult he was. The big grin going with it warmed Merry's heart.

"To think we've passed along these routs many times and never found this before!" Merry said and grabbed another handful.

"I know! Oh it's so great to **discover** again! I can't believe I had forgotten how much I liked discovering new things!"

"I told you this was what you needed" Merry said with a smile.

Pippin grinned and stuffed his mouth with more berries. The two of them ate until they couldn't get another berry down, and there were not many berries left to be eaten. They sank down on the ground and looked up at the sky.

"Hey Merry…" Pippin said. "What do you say we keep this our little secret? Make this spot our own place? If we travel here with someone else we don't show them this."

"Sure" Merry said. "That reminds me of the blueberries we found when we were traveling with the Fellowship, do you remember?"

"Yes, and we tried to keep that a secret too but I had blueberry stains all over me and it was pretty obvious where we had been."

"Kind of like how you are all stained in raspberry now" Merry laughed. "Oh I remember that like it were yesterday… Gandalf got so mad. Not to mention Sam!"

"Gimli!" Pippin added. "He looked at me like I had betrayed his deepest confidence!"

"And I remember Boromir saying that it was no use getting mad at us, all blueberries would have been eaten anyway. We should get to keep it our own spot."

"Gandalf just grumbled and said I was irresponsible and should have thought of the others before I ate everything" Pippin said. "I cannot believe I got so told off and you didn't get as much as an annoyed grunt!"

"Dear Pip, I had no evidence on me that I had eaten" Merry grinned.

"You always managed to get away with things like that…"

Merry smiled. It was nice to relive old memories. This trip was indeed doing Pippin a whole lot of good already, and they weren't even in Gondor yet. He was sure his cousin would be back to his old self before long.

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I would love a review! And I'll try to have the next chapter coded and up by the weekend! Ta ta!


	28. 1456

**Author's note**: Back in Gondor with this one! This chapter features several characters I haven't used for ages, including Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. I wrote this one after a pause of several months, so it's not very good, not really in-style with the previous chapters. And there's an insane amount of dialogue! But you can't get to 1457 without stopping by 1456, so here it is… )

**Disclaimer**: See previous chapters…

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"No matter how much time we spend together I never seem to be able to get used to all that creating of smoke you waste your time on" Legolas said and frowned at the Hobbits, man and Dwarf who were all smoking their pipes.

The only response came from Gimli who sent a smoke ring Legolas' way, making the Elf cough. The Hobbits couldn't help but laugh.

The five of them were stretched out on the grass by the White Tree, relaxing in the warm April sun. They had finished a large lunch just a while ago and even Pippin and Merry had to admit they weren't thinking of food at the moment.

They had been in Gondor almost half a year and things were starting to feel back to normal. Pippin was happy again, and for the first time since Faramir's birth he visited Gondor without feeling like he was missing out on something in the Shire. Faramir was grown now. The years when great changes happened over short amount of time were over.

Right now life felt like it could not get any better. There was nothing that needed to be done, the five friends had all the time in the world to just lie around and exist in each other's company. It was a beautiful day in a beautiful city.

"I am so happy I could sing" Pippin said with a content sigh and watched the clouds sail by. "Together with my brothers again…"

"These times are good, little brother" Legolas said and gave him a smile. "We are blessed to have them."

"For how long is this blessing to last?" Gimli asked. "When will you two young rascals be returning to your so called important offices back in Hobbit Land?"

"We prefer it if you call it the Shire" Pippin said. "And we don't have any plans for when we return yet. We might stay until Strider kicks us out."

Aragorn laughed.

"Stay that long and there will be two very angry female Hobbits pounding on my door, demanding their husbands return."

"Nah not Dimesy" Pippin said. "She'd threaten to send Faramir to Long Cleeve if I didn't return sooner than now, and that would do the trick."

"I don't see what you have against him being in Long Cleeve" Merry said. "His mother is from there. You've had some good times there."

"Yes but they might lure him to stay and who will then look after my fields?"

"What if all problems in your life had been as easy as that?"

"Does this mean you will be staying for the big hunt in the fall?" Gimli asked. "I've always wanted to ride with you on that hunt!"

"The truest proof of friendship" Legolas said. "Gimli wanting to ride with you."

"Not on the same horse with one of them!" Gimli said. "But in their company."

"Will the Lady be coming for the hunt?" Merry asked and lifted himself up on his elbows.

"Women do not participate" Aragorn said. "Not even the Shieldmaiden. She's never been very partial to hunting."

"Ride with king Éomer" Legolas suggested to Merry. "He would be pleased."

"I'll have to think about it" Merry said. "I think I'll pass. I love riding with Éomer but to ride in a hunt I would have to share a horse with Éowyn. I know Éomer would only find me to be in his way during a hunt."

"Ride with me then" Aragorn suggested.

"Then who does that leave me?" Pippin complained.

"Lord Faramir" Merry said.

"I don't want to ride with him" Pippin said. "I only ride with my fellowship members. They are the only ones I trust to catch me should I start to fall off."

Aragorn and Gimli couldn't help but laugh even though Pippin didn't quite get what was so funny. He sat up and stuffed his pipe with more pipe weed and with a grin offered the pipe to Legolas who wrinkled his nose and declined.

"For someone who has lived a few thousand years you're awfully scared of a little smoke" Pippin remarked.

"Perhaps it is the habit of **not** smoking that has kept me alive for so long" Legolas replied.

"No in your case I think it's just dumb luck."

"I'm glad to here someone besides me thinks that!" Gimli exclaimed.

He took his pipe from his mouth and shared a look and a smile with the Elf. They both knew that Gimli's comments were jestful and that he wouldn't let anyone else give similar comments save from the members of their fellowship.

"Pip?" Merry mumbled through his pipe.

"What is it?"

"Do you think we ought to retire to our chambers and finish our letters home before the postman leaves tomorrow?"

"Utter another syllable and you won't live to see the hunt" Pippin said. "I'm not going anywhere, those letters can wait. I came here to be with my old friends not write long letters home."

Legolas smirked.

"Yet you practically dive on the postman when he arrives with letters from your loved ones" he remarked.

"Yes but I can read my letters out here with you" Pippin said.

"Well…" Merry said and laid back down. "Whatever you say, we ought to finish them after supper tonight. It would be wise to let our wives at least know that we are still alive! I know Estella tends to wonder whether or not my friends will have me killed somehow. She doesn't believe we devote our time to safe activities."

"What?" Gimli asked with a raised eyebrow. "Name one activity we've devoted our time to which hasn't been completely safe!"

"Orc killing contests, battles against evil and warg hunting in early December?" Pippin suggested.

"We only went warg hunting once!" Gimli said defensively. "And neither of you were married at the time!"

"You're right, what was I thinking?" Pippin said and jokingly made a face at the Dwarf who smirked back at him.

"Those were some good times" Aragorn said. "Although I could have lived without some of the things during the battle against evil part."

"Oh sure, **you** complain, you weren't forced to drink disgusting orc brews and be dragged across the plains!" Merry said.

"Well at least you got a piggyback ride most of the distance" Gimli replied. "Some of us had to **run**!"

"For a while there I never thought I would see your faces again" Legolas said. "Now I cherish every moment spent with you. Even when you battle the Dwarf for who can be the most unfriendly."

"No fair!" complained Merry. "I have hardly said an unfriendly word!"

"During the past six minutes at least" Aragorn added.

Merry gave him a smack on the arm in mock anger and Aragorn laughed. It was indeed great to have the Hobbits in Minas Tirith. Now all the members of the Fellowship who were still in Middle-Earth were gathered, save for Sam.

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An hour passed by. None of the five spoke much, they didn't feel the need to. The warm spring sun in the sky, the smell of the grass and their full stomachs soon lulled Gimli and the Hobbits to sleep. Aragorn kept awake only because the king could not be found sleeping by the White Tree. Whether or not Legolas was sleeping was anyone's guess.

Both Aragorn and Legolas sat up when they heard footsteps approaching. Arwen stopped a meter away from them and smiled.

"Your duties await you, Elessar King" she gently reminded him.

"And I have not forgotten" Aragorn said. "Although I admit guilt to procrastinating."

He got up on his feet and a moan came from Merry who opened his eyes.

"Strider you're blocking my sun!" he complained.

"Merry I have a suggestion for you, now that you're awake" Aragorn said. "If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for blocking your sun, perhaps you would be interested in a trip to Ithilien? The five of us could ride there by the end of the week."

Merry's eyes lit up.

"Ithilien! Aragorn I **love** that idea!" He nudged his cousin awake. "Did you hear that, you lazy Took? We're going to Ithilien!"

"We are?" Pippin said, suddenly wide awake. "When?" He flung to his feet and grabbed Aragorn by the arm. "Can we go now?"

Aragorn laughed.

"Oh so you don't enjoy staying at my humble home? Hold your horses Pippin, we will leave by the end of the week."

"Oh joy, I must go write Diamond and Faramir and tell them about this!"

There came an annoyed grunt from Gimli on the ground.

"Pippin you're blocking my sun!"

Merry, Aragorn and Legolas had to laugh, while Pippin looked from one to the other once again unable to understand what could possibly be so funny. He shared a glance with Gimli, then jumped up to run and write to his wife and son. What news to tell them, he could barely wait to see Ithilien again.

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"Is everything still packed or has something gone missing in the past three minutes?" Aragorn asked Pippin who searched through his backpack for the fifth time.

"I'm just restless Strider, that's all" Pippin said. "When can we get going? I am more than ready!"

"And more than eager!" Aragorn noted.

They were in the stables, packing the last things on their horses. Four out of five Fellowship members were present, they were still waiting for Merry.

"I wonder what could possibly be keeping him so long" Pippin said. "You don't suppose his back is hurting and he just doesn't want to let us know?"

"I don't think so" Aragorn said. "I spoke to him just a half an hour ago and everything was fine. He just went to get the last of his things."

"Perhaps he ran into the postman" Legolas said.

"The postman comes **today**?" Pippin said with eyebrows that touched the ceiling. "Why did I not know that?"

"So there wouldn't be a delay" Legolas told him.

"Well he can read letters on his own time, where is he?" Pippin complained.

"Give him a few more minutes" Aragorn said. "We still haven't packed everything quite yet. He has a few minutes."

"But once he gets here his things will need to be packed too!"

"They are, he just went for his backpack."

"Calm yourself, Perian" Legolas said gently. "You will get to Ithilien."

"I've seen him on a horse when he is eager to reach some place" Gimli said. "Pippin, you do know that you won't get there sooner by trying to walk **for** the horse?"

Aragorn and Legolas laughed. They were both aware of how Pippin would move his legs back and forth as if walking when he was riding and wanted to get there fast.

"I'm sorry" Pippin said and felt slightly ashamed. "It's just that I've waited for so many years to see Ithilien again. I didn't get to come when Lord Elboron was marrying."

"And thank your lucky star for that" Gimli said. "It was not a pleasant event, what happened. It sucked the energy right out of poor Merry."

"Still, that makes me wish I could have been there even more. I could have helped. Or at least not left Merry to handle it alone."

"He was never alone" Legolas said. "He had Éowyn. And I looked in on him every once in a while."

"I don't know what I'm going to say to them when I see them" Pippin said, suddenly stopping to think about that. "What do you say to someone who lost his fiancée so close to the wedding? And what to say to my lord Faramir, and lady Éowyn?"

"Don't you worry about that" Aragorn said. "Time has started to heal those wounds, Elboron is doing much better now."

"Yet seeing Pip again might make him react on what happened again" Gimli said. "The lad is very fond of you. You have a special bond with him, he might need to go through some of those things with you as well."

"I hope not" Pippin said. "I just want to be happy and be with my friends and tell stories of old times."

"Maybe you'll get your wish" Legolas said.

Pippin hoped so. He didn't want to think about death or sorrow, he wanted to make the most out of seeing dear old friends again. After all, what was better that? No matter what the distance was between he and his friends they would always laugh when they were together, at least Pippin hoped so.

But right now it seemed the distance between himself and his friends would never shorten. Where was Merry? Pippin was growing more impatient by the second. He wished his lazy cousin would hurry up so that they could leave already.

He cast a glance out the stable doors and saw the people who were gathered there to see them all off. He could see young prince Eldarion who would take on the throne in his father's absence for the first time. It was strange, he had seen more of Eldarion and he was in many ways closer to Pippin that Elboron. Eldarion was his nephew of sorts, Strider's son. Yet Pippin felt more affectionately about Elboron, perhaps because he was Faramir's son. Pippin knew in his heart that he loved Aragorn more than he loved Faramir, yet Faramir was special in some way. He had a special place in Pippin's heart and he felt protective of the noblest man he had ever known. He had never felt protective of Strider, he had never had reason to.

"Everything is ready now" Legolas announced. "We're just waiting for Meriadoc."

"He had better have a good excuse for why he is so late!" Pippin said. "What could possibly be keeping him all this time? Perhaps we should send someone to see that he is alright? He might have fallen and with his back been unable to get up again!"

"He'll be here" Aragorn said.

"Come, let's take the horses outside" Legolas said. "Then we're really ready when Merry gets here."

"Lazy Brandybuck" Pippin complained.

Legolas smiled and placed a hand on Pippin's shoulder. Aragorn grabbed the reins to his horse and was just about to lead the beast outside when Merry showed up.

"Well it's about time!" Pippin said and placed his hands on his hips. "Like Uncle Saradoc would have said, if you can't be on time don't come at all!"

"He said that to **you**" Merry pointed out. "I was always on time."

"You look preoccupied" Aragorn said. "Is there something wrong?"

"You didn't get bad news in the mail did you?" Pippin asked.

"I got a letter from my Éowyn. Aestas, her pony, died. She's inconsolable."

"What for?" Gimli said. "Hobbits. One horse is no different from the other."

"To her it is a great difference" Merry said. "She and Aestas have been through a lot together… Apparently the beast got sick and died just a few weeks ago."

"I'm sorry Merry" Pippin said. "I know how she cares for her pony."

Merry nodded but didn't seem like he wanted to say anything else. He absent-mindedly handed his backpack to Gimli and walked out on the yard. The others followed with the horses. Legolas and Gimli got up on their horse and that drew Merry's attention to something he hadn't thought about before.

"There are three horses here" he said. "Pip and I can't ride horses!"

"Merry haven't you been paying attention?" Pippin asked, slightly annoyed. "Queen Arwen is coming with us!"

"But…" Merry said and looked from one animal to the other with confusion. "We still need a pony to ride on!"

"Pippin will be riding with me" Aragorn said. "You are going to be riding with Arwen. She will take good care of you, I promise."

"It's a great honour, but…"

"Come on Merry, the pony thing hasn't gotten to you that much has it?" Gimli said. "I know she's your daughter and she's upset but she'll be fine!"

"It's an honour my queen" Merry said and bowed to Arwen. "But I can only ride with the lady Éowyn. It would be wrong for me to ride with another woman."

"Fine, then you ride with me and Pippin ride with Arwen" Aragorn said.

"I only ride with fellowship members" Pippin said and looked scared.

"Don't look at me" Gimli said after a short silence. "I only ride with Legolas and you all know it!"

"Perhaps I should just stay here" Merry said.

"What? No" Aragorn said.

"I should be writing to my daughter anyway and I've got a lot of my mind… And the whole arrangement just got very complicated. It's easier if I just stay."

"This whole trip to Ithilien is for you and Pippin" Gimli said. "I'll stay, you can ride with Legolas."

"No Gimli, you should go" Merry said.

"Everybody goes" Aragorn said and turned to a stable boy. "Saddle up one of the Periannath's ponies, be quick."

"I'm sorry Strider" Merry said. "I didn't mean to make such a fuss…"

"Forget about saddling the pony" Pippin said. "I will ride with Queen Arwen. That is, if she will still accept me."

Arwen smiled and reached out her hand to a blushing Pippin and helped him get up in the saddle. She mounted and sat down behind him. Pippin smiled nervously at Aragorn, making sure not to look down. It suddenly seemed like such a long way down.

"I'm glad you decided to ride with her" Aragorn said. "Although there isn't a person among us who isn't amazed at how two Periannath have declined riding with the queen."

"Don't look so miserable Merry" Legolas said and smiled. "Éowyn is going to be fine. There's not much you can do when you're so far away so don't trouble your mind with it."

"I know…" Merry said and smiled slightly. "It's just that it's hard for me when my daughter is sad and I can't be there for her. I know she's an adult now and everything, but to me she will always be my little girl."

"Merry, Éowyn is now the same age I was when we left the Shire" Pippin pointed out. "Your little girl or not, she is an adult. And she has everyone in Brandy Hall to be there for her. Don't you worry about her."

"You're right" Merry said. "I'm sorry. Now, I have delayed our party long enough. Let's get going."

Aragorn smiled and helped Merry up in the saddle. Before long the party of six had begun their journey to Ithilien. Merry couldn't help casting glances at his cousin, who looked both uncomfortable and concerned riding with the queen. It was clear that he would much rather have ridden with Aragorn. Merry thanked him in silence for offering to ride with Arwen and solving the situation.

It was funny, what Aragorn had said. That nobody could understand how the two Hobbits could decline riding with Queen Arwen. They didn't seem to understand. Neither Merry nor Pippin had ever felt close to Arwen. There was something very elflike and queenlike about her which made them keep their distance. They felt far too humble to be comfortable in the presence of someone like her. It was different with the others. Legolas was their friend, and had never acted like an Elf prince with them. He had made them feel like brothers, not servants, and even though they respected his much higher ranking they weren't intimidated by it. And Aragorn would always be Strider to them, no matter how great of a king he was. They were comfortable with them, but not with the queen whom they knew only as Elessar's wife, queen Arwen.

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"So you have come at last" Éowyn said with a smile on her face, walking through the garden at Ithilien. "I was beginning to wonder if the Perian lords would pass us by."

"Milady" Merry said and kneeled together with Pippin. A second later he was up on his feet again running into her open arms. "Pass you by? Not for all the mushrooms in Middle-Earth!"

"Well…" Pippin said. "If all the mushrooms in Middle-Earth were at stake we'd negotiate at least. Tell me, where is lord Faramir? And lord Elboron?"

"The lords have gone out riding" Éowyn said and rose from her hug with Merry. "I expect them to be back in time for supper."

"It will be good to see them" Aragorn said. "As it is good to see you. Hello Éowyn."

"My king…" Éowyn said and curtsied. "My queen… Lords Legolas and Gimli."

"Why does she always say your name before mine?" Gimli gruffed to Legolas.

"How is lord Elboron's heart?" Arwen asked and began walking up to the main doors side by side with Éowyn.

"Lighter" Éowyn said. "He is beginning to recover. And with the arrival of his favourite Halflings he shall probably heal much faster."

"I hope I'm not just a reminder to him of what he lost" Merry said with a worried frown on his face.

"Nonsense" Éowyn said. "All he remembers of you from that time is what you did to help. But let's not talk of such tragic things. The tower guards saw you approaching and gave word to me. I took the liberty to arrange for you all to sit down and eat, knowing that if not else the Halflings will appreciate it."

"Blessed Éowyn!" Merry cried. "I'm starving!"

Éowyn laughed.

"Something told me you would be."

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After the meal Pippin and Merry crawled up in a sofa in Éowyn's private sitting room and fell asleep. The others sat down to talk in low voices while they waited for Faramir and Elboron to return from their ride.

"How long will you be staying?" Éowyn asked.

"As long as we trust Eldarion to keep things under control" Aragorn joked.

"I shall be riding home within a week" Arwen said.

"Then I suppose we're leaving in a week too" Gimli said. "The Halflings need someone to ride with."

"If Peregrin will ride with me again" Arwen said with a little smile. "He seemed quite frightened the entire way."

"Oh what a shame you'll have to return so soon" Éowyn said and cast a glance at the sleeping Merry. "My brother would much like to see his favourite esquire."

"A trip to Rohan" Aragorn said. "It's been a long time since last I was there. Tell me, how is your brother?"

"He's fine" Éowyn said. "Breeding new horses at the moment. Times are good when you can take time for things like that."

"Horses are for food" Gimli decided. "Don't see any point in breeding them for any other purpose."

"Do not offend the horse lords" Aragorn said.

"The ill liking of horses in master Gimli is well known" Éowyn said. "I am not offended. All that much."

"Milady, why don't you ride with us to Rohan?" Aragorn suggested. "Merry can ride with you then. Your brother would be pleased to see you."

"I would love to" Éowyn said. "But I don't know if I can find the time. There is much business about here in Ithilien right now."

"Good. No more riding then" Gimli concluded.

"On the other hand…" Éowyn said with a smile on her face "I wouldn't want to upset our master Dwarf, knowing how much he would love to see the horses of Rohan. I will see if I can rearrange my schedule."

"Good. It's settled then" Aragorn said. "We'll ride to Rohan in a week. The Hobbits will be happy to hear so when they wake up."

"It's been many long years since Pippin visited Rohan" Éowyn said. "He's never really gotten to know the land, most of his visits have been brief and hurried. Merry will probably be happy to show him the wonders of our lands."

"Pippin has mostly known Rohan from a stinking Uruk-Hai's back" Gimli said. "If I were him I wouldn't be so thrilled about it either."

"Perhaps you would like to run to Edoras" Legolas suggested. "That is an alternative method of transportation that you are already familiar with."

"Riding is fine" Gimli said with a glare at his friend.

"Legolas my friend…" Aragorn said. "You are the only one who is still as young as he was then. The years have caught up with the rest of us. I am over 120 years old, Master Dwarf here is closer to 160. Even our young Hobbits have grown old, Pippin is 66 this year and Merry 74. The lady's age should not be mentioned."

"Ah, the Hobbits are still young" Gimli said, shrugging it off with a wave by his hand. "Those two rascals will never grow old."

"Merry didn't have grey straws in his hair when last I saw him" Aragorn said. "Think of Sam back in the Shire, he is a grandfather now. We all age, except for Master Elf."

"It is not a blessing to be the only one who doesn't age" Legolas said. "I shall have to watch you all age, wither away and die while I linger in the world."

"Death no longer worries me" Gimli said. "Once we're all dead we will be reunited again somewhere, I know that somehow. Boromir is waiting for us somewhere and we'll all be together again one day, young and healthy as we were during the War."

"Not all of us Gimli" Legolas said. "I won't be there. I will travel to the Undying Lands and I will live there until the end of time."

"What?" Gimli roared.

"Hush!" Aragorn said. "You'll wake the Hobbits."

"I think this conversation is between you and not for my ears" Éowyn said and rose from her chair. "I will come back for you when my husband and son have returned."

Aragorn and Legolas rose and bowed as she left together with Arwen, but Gimli didn't even seem to notice. He was having one of his outbursts of anger, for the first time in a long while.

"What do you mean 'until the end of time'?" he growled.

"That is what Elves do" Aragorn said. "It is their destiny. To go to the West and live there until the end of time. When we die we will go someplace else but Legolas will continue to live. That's the way of the Elves."

"But Legolas is no ordinary Elf!" Gimli protested and grabbed his friend's arm. "He is a Dwarf friend! He is part of our Fellowship! He's not like the other pointy-eared prancers!"

"What did you just call the Elves?" Aragorn asked.

"He should be with us!" Gimli said. "He belongs with us!"

"I'm afraid that won't be" Legolas said. "Just like Arwen and lord Elrond will be parted until the end of time."

"It is not the same with Arwen!" Gimli protested. "She was half human to begin with! You're not!"

"What are you going on about?" Pippin asked with an annoyed tone and opened one of his eyes. "We're trying to sleep here!"

"This discussion is over" Aragorn said. "I think I hear Faramir and Elboron being announced. On your feet Pippin, your lords are coming to greet you."

Pippin moaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes and nudging Merry.

"Alright, alright, I am up…" Merry yawned and rose as well. "Where did the ladies go?"

"They probably scared them away with their loud talking" Pippin said with an angry glare at his friends.

"Up on your feet" Aragorn said and more or less lifted Pippin to his feet. "Straighten out your clothes and your cape. Look presentable."

"What's gotten into you?" Pippin asked. "I know to look presentable."

The door opened and Éowyn entered with Faramir and Elboron in tow. The Hobbits quickly fell down in a bow. Faramir and Elboron smiled and nodded at them to rise to their feet.

Pippin looked up at Elboron and sadly noted that the look in his eyes was not the same as it had once been. Elboron had changed, he was no longer the carefree child Pippin had always known. And the only thought that came into Pippin's head was that he was glad it wasn't his Faramir.

"Master Peregrin" Elboron said and gave Pippin a hug. "It is a pleasure seeing you again. It's been far too long."

"It has" Pippin said. "I wish I could have made it last time. I will have to make up for that this time around."

Elboron nodded slowly. Pippin had a feeling this time around would be more pleasant than things had been when Merry last had been here, yet it would not be as nice as it had been in the years before. Why did everything have to change so much?

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"Are we there yet?" Pippin complained to Aragorn.

"Edoras is yet an hour or so ahead" Aragorn told him. "Are you tired?"

"Pardon me Strider, but it's bumpy to ride with you. My stomach is getting upset" Pippin whined.

"Cheer up Pippin" Aragorn said. "You'll have your hairy feet on solid ground in no time. I promise."

He gave the Hobbit a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Pippin had seemed out of sorts ever since they arrived in Ithilien and saw Faramir and Elboron. He seemed to have taken it hard to see young Elboron the way he was now, all of his childlike manners had vanished when his fiancée had died. Pippin hardly recognised him anymore. Aragorn was glad that they had left a few days early, Pippin seemed to need to get away.

Next to them rode Legolas and Gimli, both of them in silence. Gimli was grumpy too, he hadn't quite made his peace with the news that Legolas wouldn't spend eternity with the rest of them. Legolas hadn't said much about it, he had accepted it long ago and knew that in his Elven memory he could spend as much time as he wanted to with his friends. The two weren't speaking much to each other at the moment.

The only one who seemed really upbeat was Merry. He had chattered with Éowyn almost the entire time, eager to see Edoras and Éomer again. Éowyn was in an equally good mood, she hadn't seen her brother in a while and she was happy to be out riding again. In Ithilien she didn't get to ride as much as she did in Rohan.

"I say we gallop the rest of the way" Merry said and turned to look at Aragorn and Legolas. "What do you say?"

"You gallop, I don't want to be any more nauseous than I already am" Pippin complained.

"You're not nauseous, you're obnoxious" Merry said. "Come on, we'll arrive sooner that way! And the plains of Rohan are made to gallop across! I bet we'll reach the city long before Legolas and Gimli do!"

"Oh you think so?" Gimli angrily said.

"I take that as a challenge" Éowyn said with a laugh. "And we are not going to lose it! Come on, Merry!"

With a war cry she drove her horse to a gallop. Legolas was just half a second behind her. Aragorn smiled as the two rode off.

"Are we really going to let them beat us to Edoras?" he asked Pippin.

"I guess not…" Pippin sighed. "Okay, let's show them how a race is won!"

"That's the spirit!" Aragorn said and a moment later they were chasing after the others across the plains.

By the time they caught up with the others Legolas and Gimli had passed Éowyn and Merry. Gimli and Merry were yelling playfully at each other and Pippin couldn't help but join in the shouting. They got up alongside Éowyn's horse and Pippin waved at Merry with a grin. Éowyn made a face like she was offended by being caught up with, and drove her horse to run faster. With a laugh they rode up the last hill to Edoras half a pace behind Legolas and Gimli and a few paces before Aragorn and Pippin.

"We won!" Gimli proudly declared to the Hobbits as they slowed down and trotted through the gates.

"Only because we let you" Merry claimed.

"What are you talking about?" Pippin said. "If Strider and I hadn't given you all a head start neither of you would have won."

"Oh please, we let you catch up with us" Gimli said.

"That was fun" Éowyn said through her laughter and let her beast halt. "I haven't ridden like that in a long while."

"Seems it was just what everyone needed" Legolas noted and dismounted his horse.

Éowyn nodded and looked at the company. The Hobbits and the Dwarf were all in excellent moods, in jest bickering with each other over who really won and why. Aragorn was chuckling to himself and even Legolas seemed to be about to laugh. The previously grumpy mood was nowhere to be found.

"Master Gimli can say whatever he likes" Éowyn said and patted her horse. "Horses always have a way of making you feel better."

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A few days later Legolas found Gimli sitting out on a rock, sharpening his axe. The Dwarf still seemed preoccupied with what they had talked about in Ithilien and had kept to himself a lot during the past days. Legolas walked up to him and said his friend's name to announce his approach. Gimli looked up.

"May I join you?" Legolas asked.

"You do as you wish" Gimli said. "You always have."

"You're bothered by what we talked about before" Legolas stated. "About me not being with the rest of you after you die. Surely you must have known this, I'm an Elf, I don't die like you mortal beings do."

"It's not easy to talk about this you know…" Gimli said. "I'm a Dwarf! Dwarves don't talk about how they feel!"

"But you are no ordinary Dwarf" Legolas said. "You are an Elf-friend."

Gimli nodded, put aside his axe and took a minute to try and figure out what he wanted to say to Legolas. In the end he could not figure out a single thing to say except for what the root of the problem was.

"I will miss you" he said. "Forever is a very long time."

Legolas sat down next to him.

"You'll have your memories" he said.

"I am not like the Elves" Gimli pointed out. "Memories for me are painful, they are only reminders of better times which will never come again. It's not right that you shall be somewhere else than the rest of us."

"It's the way of the world my friend" Legolas said. "I don't know what little time I have with you all, that's why I want to spend it with joy, not with sadness over things that are to come. Don not be sad now for time we will spend apart in the future. Be happy when we still have each other near."

"It's not fair" Gimli said gently. "I thought the bonds that held us all together were stronger than death. I thought that when we all were dead we'd walk together through the lands, the Fellowship as it was when we first set out together. I knew you would be the last to arrive but I was always sure you would be there someday."

"If you all remember me I will be there."

"We all remember Boromir but it's not the same as if he were here with us."

"Gimli I cannot change what will happen in the future" Legolas said. "For me the years of the Fellowship will be as a week in your lifetime. Short, very short, so it should be cherished while it's still going on. Don't miss me before I'm gone."

They both looked up as they heard Merry's voice behind them. The Hobbit had just exited the Golden Hall, clad in his Rohirric clothes, and was handing out orders to people around him. Then he walked down the stairs and met up with Pippin. Together the two of them walked off towards the stables, talking to each other as they went. Gimli and Legolas looked at each other and then back at the Hobbits.

"Look at the Hobbits" Legolas said. "They aren't troubled over things that haven't happened yet."

"They don't have the smarts to be" Gimli sulked.

"They wasted several years being upset with each other. To them a few years is not as much as it should be. They will never have those years back. Every minute you spend being upset with me is a minute you cannot have back. You can be upset with me after you're dead but I'm asking you not to be now."

"You're probably right, as usual" Gimli muttered. "And don't tell anyone I said that!"

"Your secret is safe with me."

"Our young Hobbits have found their way back to each other…" Gimli said, changing the subject to something less close to his heart now that he had an opportunity. "I'm glad. It wasn't right for them to be cross with each other."

"Our young Hobbits aren't so young anymore" Legolas said. "They age so quickly, in only thirty years their strength has subsided remarkably."

"They're still young" Gimli insisted. "They'll never grow old in my eyes. They will always be our young rascals, one of them always up to some mischief and the other always trying to cover his tracks."

"They have responsibilities now" Legolas said. "And their generation is beginning to make way to the next. They are in life where their fathers were when we first met them."

"No more out of you now" Gimli said. "I don't want to hear about it. Merry and Pippin are not old. They may not be as young as they once were, but none of us are! They were the youngest then and they'll outlive us all, still alive and breathing when you head West!"

Legolas rose and placed a hand on Gimli's shoulder.

"I hope you're right" he said.

Gimli watched as the Elf walked off. Gimli hated aging, it was the scariest thing he knew of. Dying in battle was not something that scared him, it was a decent way to die. It was a way to die that Gimli understood. But growing old and weak, that was foreign to him. To have your own body turn against you and begin to age was more than Gimli could understand. And seeing his friends aging was the most difficult thing of all, because to Gimli they were all still as young and fresh as they had been during the War. But with aging came the revelation of old injuries. Merry's back and arm, Pippin's scrapes that he got from the orcs, Aragorn's war injuries, all were starting to come back to haunt them.

Gimli shuddered and returned to his axe. As long as he could he would pretend that they were all still young and virile. Things were simply easier that way.

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A guard helped Pippin open the heavy doors to the Golden Hall. He stepped inside and let his eyes get used to the much darker inside. When he could see clearly again he slowly walked towards the other end of the hall where Éomer King sat on his throne with his queen on the throne next to him. Éomer was leaned forward, his chin resting in his right palm, engaged in conversation with someone. The person talking to the king was hard to spot in the dark hall as his cape was dark brown and made him blend in, but Pippin could spot his cousin almost anywhere. He stopped a few yards from the throne and waited for the king and esquire to finish their conversation.

"You are right my lord" Pippin could hear Merry's voice say.

"Well then" Éomer said. "We seem to have company, this matter can wait for the time being. You know what to do, just don't forget to tell the stableman that I need those horses ready by the end of the day."

"My lord" Merry said and bowed.

Pippin watched in amazement as his cousin approached Éomer and his wife and gently placed a kiss on each of their left hand, then stepped into the shadows to talk to someone Pippin couldn't see. It had been so long since Pippin last saw Merry actively in service of Éomer that he had forgotten how seriously Merry took his job.

"Master Peregrin" Éomer said. "What can I do for you?"

"I…" Pippin began and then lowered his head in shame. "I must admit to you, king, that I have been forgetful. I've been spending my time tending to matters of free will and doing whatever comes to mind, just having fun, and I completely lost track of the days. I wrote some letters to send home to my wife and son and found today that they should have been sent with the messenger yesterday. I must implore you, Éomer King, is there any way to solve this forgetful Halfling's mailing problem?"

"I take it as a positive thing that you are so pleased with visiting my land that you forget to send your family letters" Éomer said and took the letters Pippin held up. "Worry not, your letters will arrive with those of your kinsman. Lord Holdwine!"

At the calling of his name Merry stepped back into the light and bowed slightly. Pippin blushed and averted his eyes. He was embarrassed to have forgotten to send his letters, it was something Merry would never have forgotten.

"A few letters were left behind when the mail went out yesterday" Éomer said to Merry. "Find my sister. Have her ride one of the mearas and catch up with the messenger. Keep these in your personal guard."

Merry accepted the letters handed to him and bowed again.

"My lord" he said and then turned and left.

"My lord" Pippin hurriedly said and bowed as well. He turned and went after Merry, then realised he had forgotten his manners and went back to bow to Éomer once more. "My sincerest gratitude to you, Éomer king" he said, then he turned and hurried after Merry.

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It was a thrill to be riding one of the mearas again. Merry was enjoying every moment and almost regretted the horse's speed which brought the ride to a much nearer end. He had attended to his previous orders as fast as he had been able to and then ridden out with Éowyn to catch up with the messenger. Pippin had been very embarrassed about the whole thing, and apologised a hundred times for having increased Merry's workload and forced him to haste through his tasks but Merry hadn't cared about all that. Being out riding on a mearas horse, as black as night itself, was worth the stressful work.

It had taken them a few hours to catch up with the messenger, who had a day's head start on them, and after sending Pippin's letters off with him they had stopped for a quick bite to eat. Now they were on their way back, though taking the time to enjoy the ride. Éowyn let the horse run at the speed of a normal horse and gently steered the beast home.

They crossed a hilltop and in front of them laid a seemingly endless field of green grass. Merry had crossed it numerous times before, it was his favourite part of the road to Edoras. Éowyn seemed to like it too, she sighed in content and then took a deep breath to breathe in the scents of the plain.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" Merry commented. "It's moments like these when you realise that freedom is a gift which never ceases to be precious, no matter how old we get. Moments when nobody can see or hear you and you can let go of all thoughts of manner and protocol. Times when you're just free, and you almost feel like you're thirty-seven years old again, out travelling with your friends, heading for adventure…"

Éowyn nodded to herself even though she knew he wouldn't be able to see her. It was lovely to have that sense of freedom. Suddenly her heart filled up with a sense of youth she hadn't experienced in a long time.

"Here" she said to Merry. "Take the reins."

Merry raised his eyebrows in surprise at her comment but took the reins she offered him. She placed her hands on his hips for support as she closed her eyes and took yet another deep breath. Merry could hear her exhale in a content sigh which made him wish he could fill his lungs with the air of these plains forever.

Slowly the horse quickened the pace. Just as slowly Merry could feel Éowyn's hands leave his waist and for a split second he worried she would fall off. Then he remembered who he was riding with and stopped worrying.

Éowyn reached her hands up towards the sky and bent her head backwards, keeping her eyes closed. Her arms were opened as if embracing the air, the plains, or perhaps the youth she had once been so full of.

As the horse galloped on across the plains Éowyn of Ithilien became Éowyn of Rohan once again, she became the girl she had been before war and sorrow had reached her home, and every fibre in her body was filled with joy of being alive.

Merry drove the horse on, keeping the pace as fast as he could until they drew near Edoras. Then he reached his hand back and gently tapped Éowyn on the leg to tell her that they were drawing near to home. Her arms lowered back down and her now opened eyes once again looked straight ahead. Her hands were back to resting at his waist, she let him slow the horse down and bring them into Edoras.

They passed through the gates and rode up to the stables where a stable hand lifted Merry down to the ground and then offered Éowyn a helping hand which she ignored. With a gentle tousle through the Hobbit's curls she composed herself and made sure she looked decent and ladylike, then she hurried inside the Golden Hall.

In the darkness of the hall she found herself some water to drink. Her heart was still pounding, she could hear the blood rushing through her veins, the sound drowned out the approaching steps of her brother. When he placed his hand on her shoulder she gasped and turned around, then sighed in relief to find it was only her brother.

"You scared me" she admitted.

"Did everything go well?"

"The letters were delivered" she said and began to walk to her quarters. Her brother's voice stopped her.

"You let the Halfling take the reins and ride the horse" he said.

"Yes" she admitted.

"And the horse let him. The mearas only obey the royal family of Rohan."

"Holdwine is family" Éowyn said. "Somehow I just knew the horse would know it too."

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"Now don't you dare being away for so long again!" Gimli told the Hobbits and waved his finger at them.

"My dear Gimli, how is it that you never have the way past the Shire to see us?" Pippin asked in return.

"Don't talk up to those who are older than you" the Dwarf roared in lack of a better reply. Pippin just grinned.

"Where is the king?" Merry asked and looked around. "We're leaving in a few minutes, I haven't had the chance to say goodbye yet."

"He will be here" Éowyn said.

They were all out on the courtyard, saddled up and ready to leave. Aragorn and Legolas would be riding back to Gondor together with the Hobbits, who would get their own ponies in Minas Tirith and head back home to the Shire. Pippin was already flung up on the back of Aragorn's horse, but Merry waited to see if Éomer would be there before he got up on Legolas' horse for the ride back to Gondor. Beside him stood Gimli, gruffing and grumbling over the fact that his friends were leaving so soon.

"Why can't he just get here, say goodbye and be done with it?" Gimli gruffed. "I hate goodbyes."

"I'm not in a hurry to leave Rohan, but I must agree with you Gimli" Merry said and looked out over the fields before them. "We have a long journey home. The sooner we are on our way the better."

"There he is now" Legolas said.

Éomer approached them with the reins of a grey little pony in his hands. He bowed his head to the company and grinned at Merry.

"You didn't think I would have you leave without bidding you farewell, Master Holdwine?" he asked.

"My lord…" Merry said and bowed.

"I have a gift for you, a parting gift" Éomer said. "I know how upset your daughter has been at the loss of her pony. As one of the horse lords, I can fully understand her feelings. What better way to cheer her up than to bring her a new beast?"

"My lord…" Merry said again, at a loss for words.

"Blizzard here is still young" Éomer continued. "I would have sent her a pony trained by our horse masters, but I have the feeling that breaking in a new beast will be good for her. Hopefully she will be as attached to this animal as she was to Aestas."

"Lord Éomer, there are no words…" Merry said and bowed again. "How can I thank you for such a gift? I don't even know that I can accept such a gift!"

"Accept it" Éomer said. "And your service while you are here is thanks enough."

He handed the reins of the pony to Merry, who impulsively gave him a hug. Blizzard, the pony, would indeed be just what his Éowyn needed.

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"Well old friend…" Pippin said when he and Merry rode across the plains of Rohan on their way back to the Shire. "I wonder how much longer it will be before we return to these lands. One of these times it will be our last. We're starting to get old."

"Speak for yourself" Merry sniffed. "I for one feel I have at least forty good years ahead of me. Nearly one third of my life."

"Boy, aren't we optimistic?" Pippin said with a raised eyebrow. "I'd give you… twenty-five perhaps."

"Twenty-five?" Merry exclaimed. "I'll have you know that I am in very good shape, form and health and shall surely live a lot longer than that! Twenty-five… I won't even be eleventy-one by then!"

"Fine, maybe you'll live to be eleventy-one… and a day…" Pippin teased. "Then you'll drop stone dead like a fly! But jokes aside cousin, we don't now how many more times we'll be able to visit Gondor and Rohan. Say that we both live until we're past 120, what's to say we'll be strong enough to make the journey? Think, Merry, one of the next times we visit it might be our last and we won't even know it."

"I have a feeling when it is our last time, we will know it" Merry said.

Suddenly a bird flew up right in front of Pippin's pony, and he had to hold it back so it wouldn't bolt. Surprised, he laughed.

"Perhaps one day we'll be riding home to the Shire again, old and grey but on young, frisky ponies. And if they try to run off with us we won't be able to hold them back. We'll bolt all the way home!"

"Now wouldn't that be fun?" Merry grinned sarcastically.

"What do you think of the new pony?" Pippin asked, glancing back at Blizzard who followed nicely behind Merry.

"He's lovely, what else is there to think?" Merry answered. "He's a mearas… I always believed Stybba was a mearas pony but I've been told I was wrong about that. I guess to me he was the finest pony I'd ever seen, so I thought he was one of the special race… There was some mearas in him but not much."

"He was a fine pony" Pippin agreed.

"Not like Blizzard though! Let's just hope he's got a nice mind, I know some of these horses can be very proud and **very** stubborn."

"I don't think Éowyn minds a stubborn pony" Pippin said. "I remember what you were like with that Snowy… Perhaps a stubborn beast will occupy her enough to keep her mind of the pony she lost."

"I think this pony will be enough to take her mind of Aestas no matter what he's like to break in and care for" Merry said. "I've never seen a lovelier pony in all my life."

Blizzard whinnied as if to acknowledge the compliment. He was indeed a lovely beast, grey but with small white spots that looked like falling snow. His mane and tail were also white, and the Hobbits had never seen a white mane and tail on a horse which had a different colour coating before. He definitely stood out from the other ponies they had come across in their day. And Blizzard was a very fitting name for a pony of his looks.

"He follows us nicely without being tied up" Pippin commented. "Aren't you scared he will take off, though? What if the next bird flies up in front of him?"

"Oh it will take more than a bird to frighten Blizzard" Merry said. "And I'd hate to have to tie a mearas up… But perhaps you're right, it might be safer to have him tied to us."

Whistling to himself he reached to his belt and unfastened a rope which was tied to it. Then he called to the pony who obediently came closer. Merry reached over and tied the rope to Blizzard's halter, a gesture obviously not appreciated by the pony who put his ears back. Taking no notice of the silent protest Merry tied the rope to his own pony.

"You can negotiate with my daughter about the tied-up thing when we get home" Merry told him. "I'm not going to lose you before I even get the chance to hand you over to your new owner. And you be nice to her, for otherwise you will have to answer to me."

"He's probably trembling with fear inside" Pippin teased with a laugh.

"Oh you shush" Merry said with a good-natured grin.

"So what do you say we camp out by the woods tonight?" Pippin asked, changing the subject. "I would hate to borrow some firewood from Fangorn but I think we must."

"You know it's okay if it's only for firewood" Merry said. "And it sounds like a good idea. If we could find a stream we could fill up our water canteens."

"Then it's settled" Pippin said. "We're right by the edge of the forest, we could have a campsite set up in less than half an hour! And then… supper!"

"Yes a bite to eat would not be that bad right about now" Merry agreed.

They rode a bit further, then stopped to set up camp for the night. While Pippin found some water for the animals Merry searched through their packing, trying to decide what was for dinner this evening. It was still early on their journey, they had lots of different goodies which they had packed in Minas Tirith. Further down the road they would finish all their special treats and be left with dried meat and a few fruits and vegetables, possibly even forced to hunt a little. But for now they could still have a smaller feast each time they stopped to eat and Merry took his time deciding what he felt like this particular evening.

"Merry" Pippin said when he returned with the ponies. "While we're on the subject of our friends…"

"We were on that subject?" Merry asked and looked up. "Do you feel like mushroom stew or perhaps a little rabbit pie?"

"Both?" Pippin suggested.

"And eggplant stew it is" Merry decided.

"Anyways, as I was saying, about these trips we take… We always go to visit our old friends, that's why we come to Gondor at all, am I right?"

"For once" Merry agreed.

"It occurred to me that there's one friend we haven't visited in a long time."

Merry looked up at him and saw the grin on Pippin's face. He began stuffing all the food back into his pack and grinned as well. Together they packed up their things and led the nervous ponies into Fangorn Forest.

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Please review! The next chapter will be a bit more about the children, time to add some drama to that element of the story! See you next time!


	29. 1457

**Author's note**: I'm going to be dipping into more stories of the children and their lives in the future, as I don't have all that many storylines that would fit Merry or Pippin at the ages and times in their lives they are at during this part of the story. This fic marks the beginning of that, a little more focus on Merry and Pippin's children but still with the parents in main focus.

**Disclaimer**: I only own the characters I've created. JRR Tolkien owns the rest.

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"Hey Merry, I was thinking…" Pippin said late one March night when they were relaxing by the fireplace at the Great Smials. "Back when the babies were still babies we used to sit like this at Crickhollow…"

"That's what you were thinking?" Merry asked, looking up from his book. "The next time you think, don't disturb me with it unless it's important."

"Oh forget about your stupid herbal books and listen" Pippin said, leaning forward in his chair. "Crickhollow used to be our home. Faramir, Théo, Éowyn and Aramac were all born there. Now we never use the house anymore."

"It's still a bit unhealthy since the Fever" Merry said. "Remember, that's where we kept all the sick Hobbits."

"How could I forget. But it has been eight years. Nobody's going to get sick from setting their foot inside that house. Why don't we use it anymore? It's a shame to let it go to waste. Besides, it will belong to Faramir and Cordy some day. If not for us we should really start using it more for them."

"I guess we could start using the old house again" Merry agreed. "It would need to be cleaned thoroughly though. Eight years of dust, spider webs and perhaps even some mildew out in the stables."

"Great!" Pippin said. "Then we have something to occupy the children with this summer! We should get going right away, don't you think?"

"**I** should get going right away" Merry said and rose from his chair. "Back to Brandy Hall. I'll borrow this book, perhaps I can get some reading done in my own chambers, where people aren't obsessed with cleaning."

"Come on Merry, I think it's exciting!"

"It's just an old house" Merry said. To him it had lost all its charm during the Fever, whenever they spoke of Crickhollow all he could think of was the painful days he spent there and how close they came to losing Lúthien.

"It's not just an old house" Pippin protested. "It used to be home. And remember you have children born there."

"And nearly children killed there."

"What? Nonsense! Who?"

"Théo, when he had that bad case of the flu. But I'm not just talking my children, think of all who died there eight years ago? Think of little Fern Delvering, who died so I could save Lúthien! It creeps me out."

"You're a wuss" Pippin decided. "Faramir and Cordy can clean the house, and Cordy's siblings can help. I say they start right away."

"Hold your horses" Merry said. "Let's plough the fields and sow everything first. It's too cold out to clean it now anyway, they'll freeze to death!"

"You're right…" Pippin said, a bit annoyed with the realisation. "But directly after the spring feast it's cleaning time!"

"Cordy will be so happy" Merry said with a sarcastic roll of his eye and left for home.

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At the spring feast, two months later, Faramir threw himself right from a wild dance with an unknown Chubb lass right down on a chair opposite Cordy at a table. He had a wide grin on his face and seemed high on some adrenaline rush. Cordy glanced at him with a baffled look on his face and protectively drew his tankard closer before his second cousin could get any ideas into his head.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked while Faramir caught his breath.

"It's springtime, old cous!" Faramir exclaimed. "How can it not get into you? Summer is here, the Shire is as green as ever and there are fine looking lasses everywhere just begging to dance. How can I not be excited?"

"I guess you didn't speak with Uncle Pippin before you came here" Cordy said and raised his tankard to drink.

"I most definitely did! Won't it be great? You, me and your siblings cleaning that old house together! I was born there, it's going to be yours and mine someday! I think it's going to be very exciting!"

"No more ale for you tonight" Cordy said, but couldn't help but smile.

"It's going to be fun, and you know it!" Faramir said. "Now come on, your brother has been dancing with Primrose Gamgee two dances in a row now, time someone else took over! You grab her from your brother and I'll try to find that Chubb lass again!"

Without waiting for an answer Faramir pulled Cordy to his feet and dragged him out to the dancing area. With an elegant but quick bow Cordy stole Primrose away from Aramac, who looked shocked, then annoyed, then amused. Twirling around with Sam's daughter Cordy caught a glance of Faramir in the arms of the unknown Chubb. His cousin was probably right. It was going to be fun to clean Crickhollow together.

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"Would you look at this **mess**?" Faramir exclaimed and dropped an empty bucket, as if for emphasis. "It's going to take forever to clean this!"

"We've got one summer" Cordy said, staring around in disbelief.

Crickhollow, once so tidy and neat, had not been visited by any Hobbits for the past eight years. The place was filled with dust, webs and what appeared to be rat droppings. The air was thick and unpleasant and anyone could see that it would take days just to clean the dining room they were standing in.

"Ever seen so much dust…" Faramir said, his eyes wide open.

"What's the matter Faramir, I thought you liked cleaning!" Cordy teased. "Was it not you who said it would be fun?"

"Yes but I… didn't expect it to be so **dirty**!"

Merry roared with laughter.

"Every bit like your father! It never struck you that it would be dirty after all these years? Thinking ahead is not your strong suit, lad."

"I cannot believe you used to live here" Lúthien said and coughed. "I thank my lucky star I was born at the Hall."

"This house used to be lovely" Estella said affectionately. "It didn't look like this when we lived here, mind you."

"I… don't even know where to start…" Faramir said and looked at his parents with pleading eyes. Then he too had to cough.

"For starters I'd open all the windows" Diamond said and strode up to the window on the short end of the room. "As well as the front door and all the doors inside the house. We need to let this old air out and some new, fresh air in."

"If memory serves me right there should still be some brooms, buckets and other things you could use in the storage room down the hall" Estella said. "You know where it is, Éowyn. The things you brought won't get you all the way."

Diamond took a detour around a pile on the floor which appeared to be old dishes covered with mildew and dust.

"Just smell this place… Did someone leave something edible out here, just lying on the floor like this? Who was the last to leave here, really?"

Her eyes, along with Pippin and Estella's, fell on Merry.

"Don't look at me!" he said. "I was not the last to leave. I told the shriffs to see to it that all was in order."

"Pip, love, I hope you've managed to improve them since" Diamond said with a sigh.

"Are there rats here?" Lúthien asked in a disgusted voice, noticing the droppings on the floor. "Gross… I am eating outside! Have fun living here, Cordy and Faramir!"

Diamond slipped her arm around Pippin's waist and Estella did the same with Merry. The two couples smiled at the children and Pippin shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, have fun" he said.

"Excuse me?" Faramir said.

"Your mother and I are going home now" Pippin said. "And so are your aunt and uncle. Make sure to be home by supper!"

"But wait!" Faramir exclaimed. "Aren't you going to help us? This was all your idea!"

"The house will be yours and Cordy's" Pippin said and shrugged his shoulders again. "It's time you started earning it. Besides, Merry has his back to worry about and frankly I'd much rather lay out in the sun. Have a good day now!"

The four older Hobbits walked outside into the bright shining sun, leaving the door open to let fresh air in. The children stared after them in disbelief as their parents made their way back to Brandy Hall, jesting and laughing.

"I… don't even know what to say…" Cordy said.

The seven youngsters looked around and sighed in unison. The house was theirs to clean and it would probably take weeks. Lúthien turned the bucket Faramir had dropped upside down and sat down on it, with Théo kneeling by her side.

"This used to be home…" Éowyn said, a sentimental tone in her voice. "Do you remember living here, boys?"

"No" came the unison answer from Aramac, Cordy and Lucky.

"Not you" Éowyn said. "Théo. Faramir. Do you remember?"

"Yes I remember" Théo said. "And I know I took my first steps right in this very room."

"Judging by the look of things, you'll take your last steps here as well" Aramac said with a sigh. "Perhaps we should get started."

"I am not eating in here!" Lúthien declared. "Just so everyone knows. I'll have my meals outside."

"Think of food later" Théo said. "We need to start cleaning first."

"You know, I won't even be living here" Lucky pointed out. "Why do I have to clean? Can't the masters of the house do that themselves?"

"The masters of the house left it to their poor sons" Faramir said. "Come on, perhaps this can be fun anyway. If we all help each other out."

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Their first plan was to start cleaning the room they were standing in, and work their way down the halls. That plan didn't work too well, having spent three days cleaning the combined dining room and kitchen they moved on to a guest bedroom and found that each thing they brought outside to clean brought with it so much dust and dirt that by the end of the day the kitchen needed to be cleaned again. Théo suggested they start by going as far down one hall as possible and clean their way out. That proved unsuccessful as well, since they brought so much dirt with them going in that the room never seemed to get cleaner.

Merry and Pippin would look in on them every once in a while and lie on the grass outside, enjoying how frustrated their lazy days made the youngsters. It was about time their children worked hard and on their own.

After five days Estella and Diamond came out as well, and the seven children decided to take a break all at the same time and sit down in the sun for a while. Éowyn couldn't help but give her parents an angry look, grumpy that she had to spend her days cleaning Crickhollow instead of breaking in Blizzard as she had attempted to do this summer.

"I don't understand what all this fuss is about" Merry said. "Uncle Fatty and I cleaned this house all by ourselves in three days back when Frodo Baggins had bought it. Of course it wasn't half as dirty, but there were only two of us…"

"Mother… Father…" Cordy said as he came out and slumped down by his parents, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "We could really use some help. It seems that every way we try, it's impossible to get it cleaned. No matter what end we start in the house is so dirty that it keeps… getting itself dirty again."

"If I were you…" Diamond said, "I would start by cleaning the entry room, the kitchen-dining area. Then I would take one hall at a time but not room by room. Take out all furniture in all rooms, have someone clean them while others scrub the floors."

"That sounds like a good idea, if the weather holds" Aramac said, shadowing his eyes with his hand and glancing at the so far sunny sky.

Lucky came out into the sun, coughing. Estella immediately rose to her feet and went over to him, to his dismay.

"Lucky you're coughing!" she said and placed her hand on his forehead with a concerned frown.

"Mother, it's nothing" Lucky complained. "The house is full of dust. I'm not getting ill, I promise!"

"He's fine, Estella" Merry said.

Lucky sank down on the ground next to his father, wishing his mother hadn't heard him cough. Everyone else was coughing, but she only fussed over him. He hated it!

"We don't know if the weather will hold" Aramac said, trying to avert his mother's attention from Lucky's cough. "If it does, aunt Diamond's idea will probably work."

"You can never be sure about the weather" Pippin said. "But it's worth a try. If it should start to rain, just get everything inside and think of a backup plan." He suddenly flew to his feet. "But we shouldn't just lie about and let perfectly good cleaning weather go to waste! On your feet, all Brandybucks and Tooks, and that includes you" he said, poking Merry with his foot. "We'll give you a hand for today. This should be fun!"

"You're too alike" Cordy whined to Faramir and rose to his feet.

The rest of the day Pippin, Merry and their wives helped the young ones clean. Pippin and Merry happily started cleaning windows, singing at the top of their lungs, and Estella and Diamond helped the girls dust all the carpets in the west hall. The boys carried furniture outside and left a sneezing Lucky to start dusting them. By the end of the day they had managed to get well on their way. Faramir tried to convince Pippin that he and Merry had had so much fun that they should come over every day and help out, but all he managed to succeed with was being reminded that when the main house was cleaned there were still the stables. With a groan Faramir wished his parents had never lived at Crickhollow.

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Another week went by and things were starting to shape up. The entire west hall was now nice and clean, and everybody was strictly forbidden to go there, in case they might get it dirty again. But there were five more halls to clean and they got to working with the next one. The sun still shone bright on the sky, and while they wished they could all spend their days out in the warm sun they knew it was good weather for cleaning.

On Thursday it started to cloud up a bit and Éowyn decided they should have their afternoon tea inside. The seven of them sat down by the table, eating on old plates Diamond had sent with them, since the plates and cutlery at Crickhollow still hadn't been cleaned.

"That Chubb lass should see you know" Cordy said to Faramir with a grin.

"Who?" Faramir asked and wiped his cheek to get rid of the mustard he had gotten there.

"The one you danced with at the spring feast."

"Oh she…" Faramir said and shrugged his shoulder. "Well she probably wasn't the love of my life anyway."

"I think it's starting to rain" Aramac said, looking out the open door. "Should we get the furniture inside?"

"No" Théo said. "A little water might only do these old things good."

"That doesn't sound like rain" Éowyn said after a minute, as the drizzle outside started to sound more like a roar.

Suddenly Aramac, Lucky and Cordy, who were all seated facing the door, flew to their feet with shocked expressions on their faces.

"Hailstorm!" Lucky exclaimed.

"Mother's china!" Faramir cried and flew to his feet as well.

"And the old wooden furniture!" Théo added. "Hail might make serious markings on them! Quickly!"

Being seated furthest away from the door he more or less leaped over Faramir and Éowyn and raced outside to bring the furniture indoors before the hail could ruin it.

"Are you mad?" Éowyn cried. "You could get hurt!"

"Never mind that, give us a hand!"

The lads ran outside to save the furniture. Lúthien yanked the table cloth with her, sending their meal flying everywhere, and ran out to put the china in it. Aramac grabbed a pile of rugs lying on the floor and hurried after her to cover up the furniture with. Only Éowyn stayed inside, hurriedly starting to clean up the mess Lúthien had made.

It only took a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity before Lúthien returned with Diamond's fine china which had been brought outdoors to be washed in a nearby stream. She gave her older sister a look and then ran out to help her brothers with covering the furniture. Éowyn found some more rugs to cover the furniture with and threw them to Théo through an open window.

"Close this window!" he shouted at her over the roar of the hailstorm. "And every other window too! Hurry!"

Éowyn raced down the hall to close every window she could find. Aramac sent Lúthien inside to help her out and by the two of them they had closed every window in a few minutes. They returned to the kitchen just in time to help Cordy and Théo get a part-glass table through the door. The others finished up outside and came in one by one, sinking down on the floor. Lucky, who came in last, closed the door behind him and shuddered.

"The crops…" Faramir said through gritted teeth. "What will this do to the crops?"

"It's early yet" Éowyn tried to comfort. "Maybe it won't do so much damage? It's a lot worse if it hails close to harvest. Look at you all, you're freezing! We should start a fire, come!"

They all moved into the west hall sitting room and Cordy got a fire going. The girls found some blankets and Lúthien and the boys wrapped themselves up in them.

"I hope we saved everything" Théo said and anxiously listened to the hail. "What I would have wanted to do was bring everything inside."

"There's no way, so don't even think about it" Aramac said. "Listen… it's starting to rain now… The hailing has stopped."

They stayed in the sitting room for two hours as it rained and occasionally hailed outside. Neither of them felt at ease, this hailstorm had come without warning and they had had a lot of furniture outside. Lúthien had been able to save the china but how the wooden furniture would hold up was anyone's guess.

"I guess this means we have to find another method of cleaning" Faramir said.

"Well thank goodness we had this sitting room cleaned" Cordy said. "Thank goodness for a warm fireplace, a nice blanket and some hot tea! Now all I need is pipeweed…"

"Read us another story, Lúthie" Aramac urged, curled up in his chair.

Lúthien looked through the index of the book in her lap, chose a story which wasn't too long and began to read in the light of the fireplace. The others listened without saying a word. All they could hear was the rain falling down, the crackling of the fireplace and Lúthien's voice. Suddenly a sharp, deep cough was heard, causing Lúthien to stop reading and look up. The cough came again. Lúthien shared a look with her siblings and Faramir.

"Lucky" they all said in unison, their voices complaining.

With a deep sigh Lucky hid his face in his hands, hoping he wouldn't cough again. That had been no dust cough.

XX  
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With a sigh Merry sat down by the desk in the room they always put Lucky in when he was ill. His son was tucked in the bed with a scarf wrapped around his neck and a miserable look on his face. Merry shook his head and opened the book on the desk.

"What are we going to do with you, lad?" he said. "I cannot for the life of me understand how you can get this ill this often. Not as much as a cough from the other six… Well at least you won't have to clean anymore."

"That was my goal all along" Lucky joked and stifled a cough.

"Don't go and develop a pneumonia now, or anything else lung related, or your mother won't ever let me hear the end of it" Merry said.

He sighed again. It had been his idea to let Lucky clean with the others, in fact he had insisted on it. Estella wanted Lucky to stay away from the dusty old house, she was afraid he might get sick again, but Merry had made up his mind. Lucky was twenty years old this summer, they couldn't keep him at home. He had to get the chance to live a little, and if he fell ill then he fell ill. By now Merry figured it didn't matter what they let him do, somehow he always managed to bring down at least one flu each year, even when nobody else got anything.

He marked a chapter in the book Pippin had lent him, it was about an herb which was supposed to be good for curing coughs, then he closed the book and got up. He would go out look for it later, but he wanted to wait until Théo got home so he could come along.

"You get some sleep" he said to Lucky. "I'll have some soup sent up for you in an hour. All you can do now is rest."

"I know" Lucky sighed.

"Here" he said and handed Lucky a book of a shelf. "If you can't sleep, this might help cure your boredom. It's something I borrowed from Aragorn, about old folklore. Perhaps you might find something amusing in there."

Lucky nodded and took the book. Merry felt sorry for him, having to be cooped up in this room once again, but there was nothing much to do about it. His youngest son would always suffer from his low immune system.

He walked outside to find the sun shining again, drying up the water from the ground. Luckily the crops hadn't been damaged much during the hailstorm and from a farmer's perspective the bad weather had been good. The fields had needed some watering.

Merry walked over to the pastures, where Blizzard was standing with his head leaned over the fence, looking displeased. Merry gave the pony a pat on the neck and got a whinny for an answer. He knew Éowyn had been looking forward to breaking in Blizzard this summer, but he had full confidence she would be able to find time for it before winter came. He wondered if the grey pony would cause her much problems. She had never broken in a pony by herself before, and there was no guarantee that Blizzard would accept her. He had learned during the past year that mearas horses only accepted the royal family of Rohan as their riders, but he remembered how he had ridden the black horse with Éowyn last year and the horse had accepted him taking the reins. Perhaps it was only when it came to humans that they were picky. Either that or Merry's closeness with Éowyn and Éomer had done the trick. Either way he hoped Blizzard would be able to accept his daughter, but he had come to the conclusion that Éomer wouldn't have given him the pony unless he thought so too.

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Aramac leaned his weight over from one foot to the other, impatiently waiting for the old lass to wrap up the vegetables and let him be on his way. He had been asked to stop by the marketplace and get some cucumbers and asparagus for some soup his father was making. He couldn't understand why his father hadn't asked one of his sisters, but he did appreciate getting a break from the endless dusting and scrubbing of floors.

"Impatient, are you, Brandybuck?" someone called from behind him.

With a frown on his face Aramac turned around to see who had said it, but couldn't find anyone he recognised all that well. He turned his attention back to the old lass with the vegetables and noticed something.

"I see you have some mushrooms there" he said. "Could I have some of those too, please? That would be lovely."

"Why don't you find your own mushrooms?" the voice said again behind him.

With an even deeper frown Aramac turned his head again.

"You think you should have them just because you're a Brandybuck?" a Hobbit sitting on a cart across the small marketplace said.

"Not that I need to justify to you why I buy mushrooms…" Aramac said, "but they're for my brother. He's ill."

"I'm sure he is" came the scoffing answer.

Aramac decided to ignore it and turned his attention back to the old lass, who was now taking her good time scooping mushrooms over to a small paper bag.

"So, if he's ill," the voice began again, "how come your grand old father doesn't snap his fingers and make him better again?" The Hobbit jumped down on the ground and, followed by three others, began crossing the marketplace. "Or that other one, that brother of yours who does magic. Or is that perhaps you?"

"Aren't you a little old to believe in Hobbits doing magic tricks?" Aramac asked. "Or do you just not know that only wizards do magic."

"And the ever special Brandybucks as well" the Hobbit said with a teasing tone and leaned against the stand where Aramac was.

Aramac couldn't figure out what this Hobbit wanted, but he wished the old lass would hurry up and give him his mushrooms. He fished out money to pay her with and glanced over at the cocky Hobbit next to him.

"Is there something I can help you with?" he asked him.

"Not at the moment, Brandybuck" the Hobbit answered.

Aramac didn't like the way he said the name. The Hobbit looked anything but friendly, in spite of the big grin. Aramac didn't recognise him, but from the look of him it was clear that he was not from a wealthy family. Every once in a while one of the poor Hobbits would get jealous of the more wealthy families and sometimes be a bit rude. Aramac shrugged it off as one of those occasions, grabbed his bags from the old lass and went on his way.

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The next day they decided to take a pause from Crickhollow and spend some time out in the sun. Éowyn wanted to spend some time with her new pony and Théo was reluctantly following Merry out to find some herbs. Cordy, Faramir and Aramac decided to ride out to farmer Maggot, the son of the farmer Frodo Baggins had used to steal crops from, and pay him a visit. They hadn't been there in a while and his wife made a fantastic sponge cake.

They took the path through the main town of Buckland, which was a detour but in the bright shining sun they didn't mind being outdoors for a while longer. As they rode across the marketplace Aramac heard a familiar voice.

"This must be our lucky day. Two Brandybucks!"

"And on regular Hobbit ponies! What happened, did your brother make the pretty ponies disappear?" another voice added.

"What's wrong with my pony?" Cordy asked his brother in confusion.

"Hey Brandybucks!" the second voice called.

Faramir and Cordy halted their ponies and looked around to spot the voices. Aramac reluctantly did the same and found the Hobbit from the day before standing by the same cart as before. He had three other lads in his company and two lasses.

"Imagine that, they stop when spoken to!" a third voice said.

"Excuse me" Faramir said, getting annoyed. "Do you have anything to say? What's all this about?"

"Two Brandybucks and a Took… Figures they'd be in each other's company."

"That's all you wanted? To note that we're in company?" Faramir asked. "We knew this before already. Have a good day now."

He rode on, followed by Cordy and Aramac who shared confused looks. Once they were at a safe distance from the marketplace Cordy turned around in his saddle and glanced behind him.

"Now what was all of that about? I like my pony! Have I missed something?"

"I'm not sure" Aramac said. He told them about his meeting with the same Hobbit the day before. "I think we should ignore it. He seems out to start a fight or something. It's not so much what he says but how he says it."

"Leave it" Faramir suggested. "He'll tire eventually."

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But later that day they ran into the Hobbit group again. Farmer Maggot was showing them his new corn fields, right by a meadow where the Hobbits from before were resting. Neither Farmer Maggot nor his guests paid any attention to them at first, but then Cordy and Aramac heard their name called at them again. Faramir gave Maggot a questioning look but Maggot looked away as the Hobbit group approached them.

"Can't a simple Hobbit go anywhere without running into one of you fellows?" the cocky Hobbit asked.

"Pardon me, but I believe you are the one who keeps bothering us" Aramac said. "We are visiting our old friend Farmer Maggot and we intend to stay as long as we please. Now if you'll excuse us…"

"So you're saying that you are staying and we have to leave?" the Hobbit asked and crossed his arms. "Perhaps we should stay and you should leave."

"I'm saying we have as much right to be here as you have" Aramac said. "Spend as much time on the meadow as you like, just don't bother us. Right now you are standing on Farmer Maggot's ground and it is not up to you to ask us to leave."

"Listen, we just want to look at the crops" Faramir said. "As far as I know we haven't done anything to you. Won't you please leave us?"

"I didn't know a Brandybuck needed a Took to stand up for him" the Hobbit said.

"I can stand up for myself" Aramac said, getting irritated. "But I don't see why I should have to stand here and defend myself to you. If you have anything to say to me, or my brother, or my cousin then say it and be on your way."

"You think you're so much better than me…" the Hobbit said in a spiteful tone.

"Excuse me?" Cordy said.

"Just because you are born into a family with titles you think you are better. Oh it's always Meriadoc the Magnificent this and that! What has he ever done for us I ask?"

"This is about our father?" Cordy asked.

"This is about all you Brandybucks! Parading around Buckland like you're so much better than the rest of us! You have done nothing to deserve the fields you plough, the ponies you ride, the fancy clothes you wear! Yet you act like you have earned it all!"

"I don't even know you!" Aramac said. "When have I ever acted superior to you? If I have then I apologise, but--"

"All you Brandybucks are the same!" the Hobbit spat out. "But I tell you, that Master of Buckland is no better than anyone else and he hasn't done anything to deserve his post! But you are the Special Brandybucks, so what do you care? You have your magic tricks, your alleged kings in the west whom no one has ever seen, your queer ways which are only accepted because you are Brandybucks! You make me sick!"

"Would you repeat that about my father?" Aramac asked in a firm voice and placed his hands on his hips.

"By rights he shouldn't even be Master" the Hobbit said and spat on the ground by Aramac's feet. "He was removed from office."

Before anyone could answer him he walked off with his companions in tow. The three cousins shared a look of complete confusion. What had just happened? Faramir looked at Farmer Maggot who seemed very busy eyeing his corn.

"Farmer Maggot!" he said. "What was all that? You know, I know you do!"

"I don't want nothing to do with all that" Maggot said.

"Farmer Maggot" Cordy said in his most firm voice.

"They're a bunch of youngsters… too young to know about the War… The one you spoke with is a Delvering, so are the lasses and one of the lads. The other two are Sackers. They don't like all the power and glory given to the Master of Buckland and they want him removed from his office. Let them be, they will tire eventually."

"I will not have anyone talk to me that way" Cordy hissed. "Nor talk about my father that way, or my brothers and sisters! We should talk to Father…"

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Cordy, Faramir, Aramac and Théo were slumped in chairs in the large sitting room at Brandy Hall. Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo Gamgee were seated together around a table in the corner. They had just finished gathering up what they knew about this group of youngsters.

"I head it when I was visiting my brother Pippin…" Frodo said. "They call themselves Hobbits Against the Master."

"HAM" Merry abbreviated. "How incredibly ridiculous."

"They want you removed from your post, Master Merry" Frodo finished.

"That Delvering said to me that by rights you shouldn't even be Master anymore, you were removed already" Aramac said.

"That was just something he said" Cordy decided. "He didn't have a problem with father alone, he had a problem with all Brandybucks. Remove Father and Théodoc takes office. They weren't very keen on that either."

"If they feel Merry hasn't earned it then they can't feel Théo has" Pippin said. "But why do they say Merry hasn't earned it? It's his birthright!"

"It's not just being Master…" Aramac said. "They were angry over all the stories people tell. People say that you are Merry Magnificent, these Hobbits don't understand why. And they say Lucky can do magic, and that makes them angry too."

"It's quite simple, if you follow me" Sam said. "They are all about the same age as our children, right? Well then they weren't born when we came back to the Shire. To them we're not the heroes who returned and scoured the Shire, we're just old Hobbits whom people look up to for no apparent reason."

"Don't they have parents who were alive back then?" Merry said. "Haven't they heard of the Battle of Bywater? Let them read the Rolls if that's the problem…"

"I think they're just angry and misguided…" Pippin mused. "They're Delverings and Sackers, right? Families with little land, who have to struggle through the years while we have large homes, lots of mathoms and people look up to us. Maybe their parents never told them what we did specifically during the Scouring, just that the events took place. And now they've found you Merry as a symbol for everything that's wrong with their lives."

"But why only Merry?" Sam asked. "There are three of us!"

"Well, Brandybucks **are** queer…" Faramir said with a smile.

"They live here in Buckland, don't they?" Théo said. "Why be mad at the people in charge at Hobbiton or Tuckburough when it's the Master of Buckland who has the highest authority in the place they live?"

"So what do we do about it?" Cordy asked. "I don't care much for having strangers call sarcastic things after me or insult my family! They taunted Aramac for Lucky being ill! I can't accept that, it's too rude."

"Some things you have to battle head on" Merry said. "Others just need time to go away. Leave them be, don't let them provoke you and they will tire eventually. Show them that you won't sink to their levels. Prove to them why people look up to us."

"Should we go abroad for a year and return taller?" Cordy asked in jest.

"That's not what I mean" Merry said, but couldn't help to smile a little. "If you don't stoop to their level then you will win the battle in the end. Let them talk, let them act up. They have no dignity acting like that, keep your dignity intact and you will win the respect of the people around you."

"Though lord knows it would be tempting to clog them, just to show you can't say just anything to us" Pippin said.

"None of that!" Merry said. "We are Hobbits, and we don't fight each other."

"But won't they think they can say and do anything to us if we don't defend ourselves?" Cordy complained.

"Stay away from them if you can't listen to them" Merry said. "Now, I think our meeting is over… Let's go eat, Estella and Rose promised us steak!"

"Stay away from them?" Cordy mumbled to Faramir as they rose from their seats. "It's them who find us!"

XX  
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Summer went by, a warm and beautiful one. After six weeks Crickhollow was finally in a clean state again and the youngsters got a few weeks free to do whatever they wished before harvesting would begin. Lucky had to stay indoors, his cold had turned into an eye inflammation which Merry guessed had been caused by all the dust irritating his eyes. He dragged Théo with him to show him what herbs to use, sometimes accompanied by Aramac who was much more interested than his older brother was.

Éowyn did not get a chance to break in Blizzard, she found herself busy with far too many other things to be able to spend enough time with the pony. She would take him out for a walk each morning, but that was all the time she had to spend with him.

Every now and then Cordy, Théo or Aramac would run into the HAMs, led by Chet Delvering, but they managed to avoid getting into any confrontations with them. Cordy was boiling inside for having to keep his mouth shut and accept the insults being thrown his way.

In mid-August Bag End was invaded by Tooks, Brandybucks and Fairbairns, there to celebrate Frodo getting married. He had gotten engaged to Rosa Greenhand, the daughter of one of Sam's gardener friends, and they planned to settle down at Bag End together. Once the Fairbairns, Tooks and Brandybucks had arrived Frodo declared to everyone that before his wedding he would change his family name from Gamgee to Gardener. Sam had been known as Sam Gardener around Hobbiton for as long as Frodo could remember, and since he shared his father's passion for gardening he wanted to take that name. There were enough Gamgee lads left to carry on that name anyway.

Two days before the wedding Frodo, his brothers, Faramir and the Brandybuck brothers decided to go to the Green Dragon for a bachelor party of sorts. It was walking distance from Bag End and it was a merry party of ten Hobbits who arrived at the inn to drink some ale and have a good time together.

As they came walking up to the Green Dragon Théo spotted a familiar sight.

"Out of all the troubles in the world…" he sighed. "Isn't that Chet Delvering? What is he doing here?"

"There are Delverings in his part of the Shire too" Bilbo informed him. "Most of them are quite pleasant."

"This one isn't" Théo sighed under his breath.

"Brandybucks!" Chet called out to them as they reached the inn.

"Just get inside" Aramac said to his brothers with a sigh and shoved the curious Lucky closer to the door.

"What possesses you to travel to these more humble parts of the Shire?" Chet asked in his usual tone which sounded so friendly but was in fact highly sarcastic and spiteful.

"They are here for my wedding" Frodo said and gave the lad a questioning look. "I am Frodo Gardener and these are my guests. Hope you have a good night, we intend to!"

"Aren't you the one who makes magic?" Chet called out to Lucky, who turned to look at him but was shoved forward by Aramac. "Your brother has to protect you, has he? Or what, you will unleash your tricks on me? You don't look too healthy, are you sure you're really a Brandybuck? Frankly I think none of you are, I don't believe the Master knows how to have a child, he's far too dignified to devote himself to such activities."

That was enough for Cordy, who grabbed a hold of Chet's collar and pushed him up against the wall of the inn.

"You cannot **talk** to me that way, do you understand me?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Comradoc!" Aramac said and finally managed to shove Lucky through the door and out of sight for Chet.

"You will not insult my brother, nor my father, and I don't want to hear that filthy tongue of yours say the name Brandybuck again, is that clear?"

Chet swallowed hard and seemed terrified by the sudden reaction from Cordy. Aramac and Faramir came over and pulled Cordy away from him, but there was no mistaken in the threatening glare he gave Chet.

"What on earth did you do that for?" Faramir hissed at him. "You've only made things worse!"

"I don't care!" Cordy hissed back as they pulled him inside. "He cannot say things like that about Lucky! Or any of us! Did you hear him? He implied that Mother has--"

"Yes we heard" Aramac said. "Now let it go! Nobody believes him, he's just trying to provoke us! And now I think you've set him off even further, you sure gave him a reason to dislike you personally."

But apparently the scare Chet Delvering had gotten was enough to make him keep his distance from Cordy. He never said much when he was around anymore, but his spiteful glares spoke their clear language. And whenever Cordy wasn't around he would retell the story of the unprovoked attack on him by one of the Brandybucks, and claim that they were all violent and angry. Word reached Merry eventually, but all he ever said to his son was that now he knew what happened when you reacted the wrong way.

To Faramir Cordy insisted that he didn't regret anything, he was glad he had gotten to give that rat Chet a little scare. Faramir still doubted that it had been very wise, but secretly he couldn't blame his friend. They had all been brought up to believe their fathers were special Hobbits who had done great deeds, and that by being their children they were special too. Now for the first time they felt a doubt in their heart that maybe they weren't as good Hobbits as they thought they were. If Merry, Pippin and Sam had done such wondrous things, why wouldn't they tell anybody about it? All they knew was that they had scoured the Shire.

Two weeks before the harvest feast Cordy and Aramac accompanied their parents to the marketplace to find some watermelons and pumpkins if there were any. It didn't take the brothers long to spot the HAM crowd standing by their usual cart, busy with nothing.

"If they're so poor, why are they always standing around here?" Cordy mumbled. "Shouldn't they be at home, working on the fields?"

"They probably have a stand here at the marketplace" Aramac said. "Selling what little extra they have to make some money."

"Good. Then they can buy some manners."

"Comradoc" Merry said. "Honestly, I don't know what you're complaining about. I've never heard as much as a peep from them."

"They're too cowardly to go after you" Cordy said. "But they will, sooner or later."

"I'll be looking forward to it" Merry laughed.

"Cordy, would you help me with this?" Estella said and grabbed a hold of a huge watermelon. She was sick and tired of hearing of these HAM Hobbits, she thought the whole thing was incredibly childish and wouldn't last long. It annoyed her that her sons allowed themselves to be so bothered by it.

"Stay here, old madam Grubb has another watermelon for us" Merry said to Aramac. "I've just got to run over there and get the last green pumpkin!"

As soon as his father was out of hear sight Aramac could hear the taunting voices behind him. Wouldn't they ever tire? He rolled his eyes and sighed as madam Grubb walked off to get the watermelon.

"Don't you have anything better to do with your time, Brandybuck?" one of the Hobbits asked. "Or are you afraid to do an honest day's work?"

Aramac had spent the past week working hard in the fields, but that apparently didn't count as an honest day's work. He wasn't half as bothered as his younger brother by the negative attention he got, but sometimes he wished he could go to the marketplace just once without being called at right away.

"What do Brandybucks even need to go to the marketplace for?" a lass cried. "I thought you grew all your food on your own, or perhaps had it sent to you from your kings!"

"Or that the frail one snapped his fingers and just made them appear!"

They continued on like that for a while, with Cordy and Estella over by the cart, too far away to hear them, and Merry out of hear sight. Once they saw Merry return they quieted.

"No pumpkin" Aramac noted.

"Can you carry the watermelon on your own?" Merry asked.

"I'll manage."

Merry strode off towards their cart, with Aramac and the melon in tow. Merry walked over to a stand nearby the cart where Chet and his friends were sitting, threw a coin to the lad in the stand and grabbed an apple for himself. As he passed HAM he made a gesture with his hand, snapped his fingers and suddenly held a green pumpkin under his arm. He blinked at them as if in jest.

"Almost like magic, isn't it?" he said with a confident grin.

Once they reached their cart Aramac loaded the melon onto it and turned around to look back at the group of Hobbits, unable to hide their surprise. He turned to his father.

"Sir, how did you do that?"

"Just a little something Gandalf taught Pip and me one night" Merry said. "Don't look at me like that, you know it wasn't done by magic. It's just tricking the eye a bit."

"I loved seeing the look on their faces!" Cordy said and climbed up the cart.

"That's not a very nice thing to say" Estella said with a frown and got up next to Merry. "For goodness sake Merry, really! Are you going to get involved in this too now?"

"It was just a bit of fun" Merry said. "Here, have an apple and be glad."

XX  
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"Pippin!" Diamond called out and opened the door. "Pippin, where on earth are you hiding? Pippin! Oh there you are!"

"Hullo Diamond!" Pippin said and jumped down from the book shelf he was climbed up in. "I didn't hear you call."

"What are you doing in here?" she asked.

"Faramir brought over a box full of books from Crickhollow" Pippin told her. "Books which I left there and he doesn't want, so he figured he ought to bring them back to me."

Diamond opened one of them and coughed from all the dust.

"Goodness, these are old and dusty!"

"It occurred to me…" Pippin said. "The Great Smials does not have a library. How can we have a home without a library?"

"This occurs to you after more than sixty years without one?"

"Whenever I'm in Gondor I love going to Aragorn's huge library and search for something interesting to read! I want to have that here too, even if it's in a smaller scale. So I decided to found a library here, though I'm not sure in what room…"

"If that's what you want to do…" Diamond said. "But why are you taking the books down from these shelves if you want to start a library?"

"So that all books are at the same place, silly."

"But you don't have a place for them yet."

"Well… never mind that! I'll find something!"

Diamond shook her head. Even if she lived for another hundred years she would never fully understand the way Pippin's mind worked. But he seemed to be very excited about this new project so there could be no harm in it.

"I know" she said with a grin. "Why don't you use those empty rooms we used to have as guest rooms, down the north hall?" she suggested. "You could ask Faramir to clean them for you. He would be so thrilled."

Pippin laughed.

"Splendid idea! But I have an even better one!"

XX  
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XX

"This was a horrible idea" Diamond complained.

"Nonsense" Pippin said and grinned at her.

Diamond just shook her head. She was down in the rooms she had suggested he use, wearing her oldest dress and down on her knees scrubbing the floor. Why Pippin thought it would be fun for the two of them to clean it together she would never know. Pippin seemed to enjoy it, scrubbing the other side of the room and whistling one of his jolly tunes.

"Come on, Dimesy… Look at how nice and clean everything is getting!"

"Pippin…" she sighed and sat up. "I have dirt and dust all over me, my hands and knees are aching and quite frankly it's not a fun job to begin with. How could you think this was a good idea?"

"Because…" he said and rose to his feet. "It will be ours! So many things around here are done by other people these days, but this will be our own accomplishment!"

He walked over and sat down on an armchair behind her, grabbed her arms and pulled her up on it with him. She shook her head once more and felt she didn't care much whether or not it was their own accomplishment. She didn't even care much whether or not they had a library at the Great Smials. She had never been much of a reader anyway.

But Pippin seemed happy with it. He gently ran his right hand up and down her arm and smiled at her even though she couldn't see his face. One thing he had realised this summer was that it had been a long time since he had really done anything. Mostly he told others what to do and organised everything. Only when it came to farming did he do his fair share of physical labour. He knew he preferred getting to do the actual work.

"Hello?" Faramir said and walked into the room. "There you are, sir, I've been looking all over for you! I…" He trailed off and noticed the gleaning gear on the floor. "On second thought… It can wait!"

"Faramir, wait!" Pippin said. "There's enough to go around!"

"Sorry sir, I have to…" Faramir trailed off and disappeared upstairs again.

Diamond and Pippin looked at each other and shared a laugh. Apparently their son had had enough of cleaning for one summer. Pippin gave Diamond a hug, wrapping his arms around her from behind and rocked her back and forth.

"Another bright side is…" he began, kissing her neck, "we get to be alone."

XX  
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Winter eventually came, and with it came the snow. Merry and Pippin decided to take their families with them and spend December at Crickhollow, for old time's sake and as a reward to the children who had cleaned it during summer. As the snow continued to fall they installed themselves in the old familiar halls, sleeping in the same rooms they had all had years ago. The youngsters spent their days outside when the weather permitted, building snow fortresses, having snowball fights or riding on their ponies. They all acted as if they were young children again, and Pippin had to ask if he had been that way when he was an irresponsible tween.

"When you were your son's age you spent December in Rivendell" Merry reminded him with a laugh. "You left your tweens far behind you that year."

Éowyn spent her days breaking in Blizzard, falling off him ever so often into the soft snow which cushioned her blow. She spent a few days leaning over his back to make him used to her weight on him, but as soon as he began to move she would fall off, sometimes even head first into the snow, laughing each time she went. It seemed as if Blizzard thought it was all a game and had as much fun as she did. In the end it was Lucky who managed to not only lean his weight over the pony but also sit up bareback and with a proud grin make the pony move forward.

Each night they would crawl up in one of the sitting rooms together, drinking hot cider and reading or telling stories. It would get quite crowded and very warm, sometimes they didn't even start a fire, but when they did Lúthien and Lucky would roast apples over the fireplace.

"I used to think this was how it would always be" Pippin mused one evening, leaned back in his chair with Diamond placed on the floor between his legs, knitting a sweater for herself. "Back when we lived here full time I never saw us moving out. I saw the children growing up here…"

"That's what we can have!" Faramir said to Cordy.

"Faramir you never think a bit further than your father, do you?" Diamond sighed. "You'll have to move back to the Smials, just like Da and I."

"But on the bright side, I get to stay here forever" Cordy grinned.

"I remember Théo's first winter, there were lots of snow that year, just like it is now" Estella said.

"We know, madam" Théo said, sick of the story.

"Yes, Faramir was born during a dry spell and you were born during snow fall." Diamond said. "Strange weather that year… Do you remember how endlessly hot it was?"

"This year has been a good year" Éowyn said, bored with musings of times she didn't remember. "Luckily we've had lots of snow for me to fall in."

"How you haven't bruised yourself a million times over is beyond me" Estella said with a sigh.

"She has" Lucky grinned.

"You certainly have a good hand with the pony, Lucky" Théo remarked. "Maybe it's your magic tricks…"

"That's not even funny" Lucky sighed. "I don't know why everybody thinks I can do magic! I can't even do card tricks!"

"They say that it's your magic that keeps you alive" Merry said. "Quite honestly, Hobbits are fools in larger numbers. They stop thinking for themselves and believe whatever fairytale story someone tells them. Funny thing is though, when it's actually a true story they rarely want to believe it."

"Like Bilbo and his trolls" Pippin said.

"I don't know about you, but I for one feel relieved that this year is finally over" Cordy said out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" Estella had to ask.

"It's just been such an all-around strange year" Cordy said. "Cleaning this house didn't exactly make my summer… And those annoying HAMs…"

"Haven't I told you to let it go?" Merry said, getting annoyed.

"Lighten up, Comradoc" Faramir said. "I for one think it's been a good year. Lots of good things have happened!"

"Yes, especially with some Chubb lass" Cordy said.

Faramir blushed, and received an angry glare from his father. He had had a quite embarassing story at the harvest fiest with the Chubb lass from the spring fiest, whose name he could never seem to remember.

"It has been more than thirty years now since we first moved here" Merry mused.

"Thirty-five" Pippin said.

"You were Éowyn's age" Merry reminded his cousin. "Can you believe it?"

"Éowyn when are you going to get married and have a family?" Lúthien asked.

"Not for many years" her sister laughed. "Uncle Pippin was older than I am now when he got married."

"But you'll be thirty-three in a few years" Lúthien said. "You'll come of age."

"There's no rush" Estella said gently. "I was over forty when Éowyn was born."

"I think Faramir will be the first to get married" Cordy said with a grin.

"Cordy, say the name Chubb and I will not speak to you again for a full week" Faramir complained.

"Serves you right to hear it" Pippin said.

"But sir…" Faramir began, but sighed, knowing it was no use.

"Let's not argue" Diamond said. "I think it's time to head off to bed. All of you are yawning so much I fear your jaws will dislocate! And that includes you, Estella."

"You're right" Estella said and got up from her seat. "All Brandybucks and Tooks who have not yet come of age, off to bed you go!"

Obediently the seven youngsters got up and headed off for bed. Merry and Estella gathered the mugs left behind and brought them out to the kitchen.

"Are you coming?" Merry asked Pippin and Diamond on his way out.

"In a minute" Pippin said.

Merry nodded and left. Pippin leaned as far back in his armchair as he could get and sighed contently. It was good being back at Crickhollow, living with the Brandybucks. But he was getting older, he could feel it. It scared him to death that Faramir was the same age now as Pippin had been on this very day so many years ago, when the Fellowship had set out from Rivendell.

Diamond noticed that he had travelled far away in his mind and turned her head to look at him. She gently shook his leg to get his attention.

"Wanderer of strange places… Where have you drifted off to now?"

"Rivendell" Pippin said. "On this very date, when I was Faramir's age."

"Do you want to sit much longer?" she asked him.

"Let's stay until the fire has gone out… I love watching the fire turn into embers and then slowly fade… Put aside your knitting Diamond, and come be with me."

With a smile she put aside her knitting and did as told. She too loved being back at Crickhollow. Giving her husband a kiss she recalled all those other nights they had sat here by the fireplace, watching the fire die. It felt like they were both young again.

XXX  
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The next chapter will probably be up within a week! Thanks for reading )


	30. 1458

**Author's Note**: It's been a while since my last update… Uhm, I don't think I have anything to say about this episode really. Other than that I hope you'll enjoy )

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill…

**XXX  
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"Théodoc are you listening to me?" Merry asked, trying to hide how annoyed he was.

"Yes sir" Théo said, hearing but not listening.

"This is important."

"Yes sir."

Merry gave him a glare and then showed him the next item on his list. They were going through herblore, and Théodoc was more bored than he dared to let on. He knew he had to learn because even if he wasn't going to be a medic like his father he had to have some basic knowledge as the Master. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to muster up enough interest. Aramac and Lucky happily went with their father when he went looking for different roots and plants but Théo hated that he had to go. He wasn't much for being out in nature at all; he preferred staying indoors.

By now Merry was getting quite annoyed with him. They had gone over several different herbs and Théo had only been able to name three so far and hadn't had the slightest clue what more than two did. Merry was trying to teach him, but it was as if you had to pound the knowledge into his oldest son's head. Sometimes Merry wished he would be more like his brothers, who all seemed to have easy to learn. Sam had gently suggested that perhaps Merry put too much pressure on Théo and that's what made it difficult, but Merry didn't want to listen. The child had to get used to pressure; he had to learn not to be such a slow thinker.

"Now, what is this?" Merry asked and showed Théo the bark of a tree.

"… Willow?" Théo guessed.

"Are you guessing or do you know?"

"I know."

"I'm sorry to hear that. This is pine…"

Merry kept in a sigh and Théo looked unhappy. If only he could get a few more answers right. He wanted to make his father happy and proud but it was difficult.

"Just take these all with you and **learn** about them" Merry said, giving up for the day. "By tomorrow I expect you to know at least half! If not, you will not be joining us for the party at the Smials next weekend."

"But Father…" Théo began.

One look from Merry quieted him down. Théo collected the herbs and left; furious inside but not daring to show it. He was 28 years old; his father could not tell him what to do and not do anymore! Théodoc hated having to learn about herbs, he hated having his future mapped out for him and he hated being nothing at all like Merry. Merry had always been proud that he would one day be the Master of the Hall and had taken the upcoming title seriously. Théo had no interest in farming or what little politics would be his role, and the title only seemed as a burden to him. Everybody seemed so pleased with his father; what would they say if the son of the Magnificent couldn't measure up?

The only ones who weren't appreciative of his father, the HAM group, would probably throw a tantrum when Théo took over. Since the group had formed he had felt more and more anxiety over his role in life. He wanted so desperately to prove himself worthy, to show that even though he wasn't as much like his father as his three brothers were he was still a good lad. Some of his father's courage and devotion had to be in him, or at least he hoped so.

He stopped by a hallway window and looked outside. Early April still had snow this year, but even though it was chilly outdoors the yard was full of life and commotion. He could see Éowyn taking Blizzard out for a ride, accompanied by Lucky and his sturdy Hobbit pony. Lúthien was helping their mother carry baskets of food to the Hobbits repairing some broken fences, and at least a dozen Hobbits were running back and forth all over the place. Théo decided to go outside and see if they needed any help repairing the fence. At least that he knew he could do. He had always had a way with things like that.

When Merry stopped by the same window half an hour later he could spot Théo hammering with the rest. He couldn't understand how is son could seem so afraid of working sometimes, yet at other times work with a passion. It seemed as if whenever he got to decide on his own that he wanted to help out he worked very hard and with devotion, but if he was asked or told to do some work he could be lazier than anybody Merry had ever known. Théo had to grow out of that habit; he needed to learn to work hard no matter what he had wanted to be doing instead.

**XX  
XX**

"Samwise!" Pippin said and his face lit up in a grin. "Good to see you, old lad! Come in, have a seat!"

"It's good to be here, Pippin" Sam grinned and sat down next to Pippin. "And I have some good news!"

"Really?" Pippin said. "Do tell!"

"I have a granddaughter! Elanor had a baby lass just a few weeks ago! I think the name was Firiel, but I'm not sure."

"Congratulations Sam, that's **wonderful** news!" Pippin said and gave his friend a pat on the back. "Fastred must be so happy, and Elanor too! Now they have one of each."

"Rosie and I are going to travel there to see the little treasure" Sam said. "And I was kind of hoping that you would keep an eye on things in Hobbiton for me while we are away. We won't be long, just a month."

"Of course, Mayor Sam!" Pippin said. "And you must promise to give my love to Elanor and Fastred! How are things at Bag End, everybody is thrilled I presume?"

"Pretty much" Sam grinned. "Frodo's Rosa has settled in wonderfully, as you know. No grandchildren there just yet, but she's been a wonderful help to my two Rosies. Little Rose will come of age this year, as you know. Unlike Elanor she hasn't got her heart set on marriage; I think we'll have her around at least until Robin turns 20."

"I remember she and Éowyn were so close when they were little" Pippin said. "Then they grew apart, much to Merry's dismay. It's a shame our children didn't get to see each other as much as we would have hoped."

"Well you sure see a lot of my Pip these days" Sam said. "He will be returning to Brandy Hall for a month or so this summer."

"Well enough chitchat about families…" Pippin said and got up. "Can I offer you some mushroom pie?"

"What Hobbit in his right mind would say no to that?" Sam asked with a grin.

Pippin ran off to get something to eat and drink and something to eat and drink it on. Sam leaned back in his armchair and relaxed while his old friend ran about in every direction. It was good to get to sit down and rest for a minute; he was not in quite as good shape as he had once been.

"There is one thing I would like you to do for me especially" he told Pippin as they began to eat of the pie.

"Name it" Pippin said.

"I am having a new market place set up" Sam told him. "Hobbiton has grown prosperous over the last decades, a lot of Hobbits from other towns have moved there."

"Of course" Pippin said. "I'm not surprised. Mayor Gamgee has done wonders with the place. If I didn't have the Smials I would move there in a heartbeat."

"Thank you, Pippin" Sam said with a slight blush. He was incredibly proud of Hobbiton; it was the most beautiful part of all the Shire in his humble opinion. "Anyways, the marketplace we have is far too small; we need a much bigger one. So I've made plans to create a larger one, and I've even had Bolly Baggins draw a design for the whole thing… But then this thing with Elanor came up, and I won't be around to keep an eye on things."

"And you want me to make sure things run smoothly?" Pippin concluded. "That shouldn't be a problem. I can come have a look say once a week? And while I'm not there one of the shriffs can offer their assistance."

"Oh it's not that important, that the shriffs need be involved!"

"Oh nonsense" Pippin said. "I'm only glad to give those slowpokes a chance to make themselves useful."

"Alright then" Sam nodded. "This pie is excellent!"

"My son made it" Pippin said with a proud grin. "He's quite the little cook, that one. Takes after his mother!"

"I'll say" Sam said under his breath, remembering all the times he'd had to force down some of Pippin's cooking.

**XX  
XX**

An hour later Sam was getting ready to leave and Pippin decided to accompany him a bit on the way. It was the month of June and the sun shone bright in the sky making the day warm. It was lovely weather to be out in, Pippin was only happy to get some fresh air.

"Perhaps this summer will be really nice" he said to Sam as they walked slowly towards the main road to Hobbiton.

"I doubt it" Sam said. "With spring having been so slow… I think we're in for a cold summer this year, Pip."

"I wouldn't say that just yet…" Pippin said. "Sometimes summer is slow. And it's hot out today."

"Well, slow summer or not… I had better get moving faster or I won't make it home in time. And young Rosie gets surprisingly cranky when someone arrives later than expected. Don't ask me where she gets that from, certainly not from me!"

Pippin held Sam's pony for him as Sam got up in the saddle. If he knew young Rose as well as he thought he did, Sam had better get a move on. When that lass got cranky she could give you the silent treatment for hours. Pippin had often wondered where on earth that quality had come from, neither Sam nor Rose were like that.

"Rose and I will stop by on our way to see Elanor" Sam said and took the reins. "Give my love to Diamond and Faramir."

"And you give mine to Rosie and the children" Pippin said. "Bye now Sam…"

"Oh that's just great!" a voice grumbled, startling both Sam, Pippin and the pony. "We spend an hour trying to find you, and as soon as we do you're getting ready to up and leave!"

"Gimli!" Sam and Pippin exclaimed.

"The one and only!" Gimli confirmed with a wide grin. "Now Samwise get down from that pony and come say hello, I haven't seen you since the days when you were still sending letters every year to tell us you'd had another child!"

"Pippin get me down" Sam said, tossing the reins to Pippin and with the help of his friend getting out of the saddle rather clumsily.

"Gimli where on earth did you come from?" Pippin asked while trying to help Sam.

"The Glittering Caves, where else?" the dwarf teased. "I arrived in the Shire just a couple of hours ago; Legolas and I have been looking all over for you Master Took!"

"Legolas is here too?" Sam said.

"Yes, but we parted ways and he went to look for Merry instead" Gimli said. "We figured by parting ways we'd double our chances of finding one of you, and finding one of you usually means finding the other as well. Though not today I see! Good to see you again, Samwise!"

By now Gimli had marched over to the Hobbits and pulled Sam close for a tight hug. The pony trotted around nervously and Pippin had more than a little trouble keeping tabs on him.

"You have no idea how difficult it is to find the two of you" the Dwarf said to Pippin when had finally let go of Sam and hugged the other Hobbit. "Why is it that Legolas and I constantly find ourselves trying to track you down? Luckily this time we weren't trying to track down a bunch of stinking--"

Pippin shushed him angrily before he could finish the sentence. He cast a nervous look around and saw that nobody was close enough to hear them. But you could never play it safe enough. Hobbits had good hearing.

"You know what we've said about talking about the journey!" he said under gritted teeth to Gimli.

"What's the matter really, can't take a little pride in having been out on an adventure? You Hobbits…"

"Hobbits don't like adventure" Sam said and took the reins to his pony. "We ain't meant to. We're already considered queer enough as it is, the less people know the better. Do you suppose Legolas is anywhere nearby? I would love to say a quick hello before I go."

"Go?" Gimli echoed. "You are not going anywhere!"

"I have to go back to Bag End" Sam said. "I'll return tomorrow morning, but Rose needs to know I'm here for a few days or she'll worry about me."

"You can't leave" Gimli said. "Legolas and I are only here for the day and night. The last of our Elf friend's family is leaving Middle-Earth tomorrow; Legolas is going to see them off."

"He's not going with them?" Pippin asked.

"He's meeting them in a small village close to the ocean" Gimli said. "He says he doesn't want to be near enough to hear the seagulls. Don't ask me what that is all about, but you know the Elves… Legolas is staying in Middle-Earth, at least as long as the Fellowship is still mostly alive and well."

"Let's hope he doesn't hear those seagulls then" Sam said. "As you wish Master Dwarf, I shan't go to Hobbiton. But I do need to get back to the Smials and send a messenger. Why don't we all meet up at Crickhollow in two hours time? I'll ride by Brandy Hall and fetch Merry; you can go straight to the house."

"Sounds like a splendid idea" Pippin said. "Oh, and while you're at the Smials, ask Diamond to send some food with you! I happen to know that there is a huge steak waiting to be eaten, I think that would be an excellent meal to serve our friend the Dwarf."

"Never let it be said that a Hobbit does not know how to feed their guests properly" Gimli said. "Come Pippin, let's make haste to Crickhollow!"

**XX**

**XX**

"You really need to be more careful with your belongings, Lucky" Merry sighed and lifted a fine leather piece into a bag. "This is the second saddle strap you have broken in three years. They are expensive and take time to make; we can't have things going on like this. This time you make the strap yourself."

"I don't know the first thing about making them" Lucky complained.

"Maybe your magic will help you" a voice snickered in a whisper right by his ear.

Lucky turned and saw Largo Delvering grin at him. He glanced over at his father and Lúthien, neither seemed to have heard the comment, and he wondered if maybe he had imagined it. Usually Chet Delvering and his gang left Lucky alone. But it made him uncomfortable to have them so close by when his sister was there. Not that he worried that Lúthien couldn't fend for herself, but lately she had developed quite a temper and he didn't want them to agitate her.

"Lucky are you listening to me?" Merry asked.

"Sorry" Lucky mumbled and wondered how on earth he would be able to make his own strap. He had never made anything like it before.

"Lúthie have you gotten everything you wanted?" Merry asked and his daughter nodded. "Good. It's still early; we can have you working on that leather well before lunchtime, Lucky. Let's get going."

He took Lúthien's arm under his and cast a quick glance around to see where the marketplace was the least crowded. He hated having to crowd and rather took a longer way around if necessary. His eyes fell on the hilltop right by the marketplace and he noticed the figure standing there. Most Hobbits around him were noticing him too, and everybody who did stopped what they were doing and stared.

"I cannot believe it… Are my eyes cheating me?" Merry whispered. Then he shouted so that his friend would hear him up on the hill, even though he knew his hearing was good enough anyway. "Legolas!"

"Mighty fine to see you again, Merry old friend!" Legolas answered, shouting back so that Merry, whose hearing was not as good as the Elf's, could hear. "I've been looking all over for you, Master Hobbit!"

"You found me!" was all Merry could think of to reply at the moment.

Lucky stared at the Elf in awe. He had not forgotten Legolas, ever since he had spent time with him when the Shire was under the Fever he had often thought of the fair Elf with the starlit eyes. The face of the Elf had not aged a day, even though ten years had nearly passed.

He couldn't resist glancing over at Chet Delvering and his gang, to see the looks on their faces. They all looked like a group of nesting boxes. A grin spread across Lucky's face.

"What's the matter, Delvering?" he said. "Don't you know an Elf when you see one?"

"Young Master Lucky!" Legolas shouted from his hilltop, and the look on the HAM Hobbits' faces made Lucky grin even wider. "My how you have grown since last I saw you!"

"And you have not aged a day, Master Elf!" Lucky replied and hurriedly followed his father and sister who were making their way through the crowds to greet Legolas.

"I cannot believe it's really you!" Merry cried when he reached his friend and hugged him. "Where is Gimli, is he not with you?"

"He's searching for your other half" Legolas said. "It was surprisingly difficult to find the two of you, the Hobbits don't even dare talk to me and as soon as Gimli opens his mouth they're scared by his brisk questions."

"Good old Gimli, never realizing that unless you know him you don't understand when he's joking or when he's actually upset" Merry said with a smile. "You remember Lucky, right?"

"Of course I do" Legolas said and kneeled to look at Merry's youngest son. "But you were only a child when last I saw you. You must be over twenty now."

"Twenty-one in a few weeks" Lucky proudly said. "And I have not forgotten you, Master Legolas, or any of the Elves! I've dreamed of the time I spent with you many times. Havo dan!"

"You're Legolas?" Lúthien asked. She hadn't met Legolas the last time he came to the Shire. "My father calls me his legolassie sometimes, because I have golden hair. Your hair is golden too, like mine." She looked the Elf up and down. "But other than that we don't look much alike."

"Lúthien!" Merry said, ashamed of his daughter's childlike straightforwardness.

"Lúthien…" Legolas said. "That is an Elf's name. Lúthien was the most beloved among Elves. You and I both have Elven names; we have that in common too."

"Her mother chose her name" Merry said and gave his daughter a nudge and a look that told her to behave. "I had nothing to do with it."

"The fairest of all the Elves… sharing her name with a Hobbit…" Legolas said, finding the thought almost amusing. Merry's daughter was cute, but nowhere near the beauty of Lúthien Tinuviel.

"And the Hobbit is going to make haste back to Brandy Hall" Merry said and took his daughter by the arm again. "You have chores to do, young lady."

With a sight Lúthien followed her father back towards the Hall. Legolas walked beside Merry and Lucky walked as close to the Elf as he could. It was very exciting to see Legolas again, the Elves were very fascinating to Lucky and this particular Elf was a friend of the family. It made Lucky feel very important to be in his company. He glanced over his shoulder and hoped Chet Delvering and his friends were seeing this.

**XX  
XX**

The sun was shining bright at Crickhollow when the five friends sat down to eat together. Sam had indeed brought the steak from the Smials, though he couldn't help but wonder if there would be any left for the Hobbits once Gimli had feasted.

"I can't believe that so many Elves have left Middle-Earth" Sam said to Legolas while waiting for his turn with the steak. "It makes me really sad. I was sad when they begun to leave all those years ago and even sadder now!"

"One Elf will still be around to bother us" Gimli said and helped himself to a large part of the steak.

"Gimli's right, I won't be leaving for many years yet" Legolas said. "The Elves are done here; it's time for us to return home, all of us. There are still a few who linger here but I don't suspect they will for long. I alone have some unfinished business here; I shall wait until you are all gone before I make my leave."

"If so then it wouldn't hurt you to come visit us more often" Pippin said and poured wine into glasses.

"The Three Hunters have many close ties to Gondor and Rohan yet" Legolas said. "But you're right; I should come and visit more often. As should you, Master Samwise! Gondor hasn't seen you for more than ten years!"

"I'm not as fit for travel as I once was" Sam said and patted his large belly. "And I have a lot of responsibilities here still. It's difficult for me to come."

"Let's not argue over who should be visiting whom more often" Merry said, not willing to waste their short time bickering. "You are here, and that's what's important right now. Will you be visiting us on the return journey as well?"

"Nay" Gimli said. "Legolas has some woodland he wants to explore. We're traveling north, and we'll meet up with Aragorn in his north kingdom."

"What a shame" Sam said. "Too bad Strider can't come down here to us, instead of hiding away up north!"

"You know he can't come here" Merry said.

"He can still visit Bree, can't he? Humans live there still; it can't be unallowed for Strider to go there either."

"Unallowed?" Pippin echoed. "Is that even a word?"

"You know what I meant" Sam said and sulked over his wine.

"Don't know if I do" Pippin teased. Then he turned to Legolas and Gimli. "So tell us all about the southeast! What is happening? Is there any news to report? I'm dying to hear the latest gossip, not to mention get a full update on what they've been building since last we visited."

Legolas and Gimli set off on a long and detailed description of everything that had happened in Gondor and Rohan since the Hobbits had last heard. The three Hobbits continuously interrupted them with questions, and after a while Gimli complained that Hobbits were far too inquisitive for their own good.

Before long the food was finished and the five friends made their way over to other topics, constantly directed by the questions asked by the Hobbits. They wanted to know everything about everyone and often asked questions about things the Elf and Dwarf knew nothing about, and yawned at the information Legolas and Gimli did have.

Finally Gimli asked them to tell the news of their families, and that caused Sam to spend the next fifteen minutes bragging about the new grandchild that he had never even seen.

"Elanor had a child and you didn't even tell me?" Merry exclaimed.

"Well I was going to" Sam said. "I just never got the chance, that's all."

"But you told Pippin!"

"And now I'm telling you."

Pippin shook his head at them and told Sam to continue on. His old friend still had nine more children to update Gimli and Legolas on, and at this rate they would never be finished. He glanced over at the darker clouds coming from the east and wondered if maybe they were getting rain. After a while, when Sam had managed to get as far as his son Merry, Pippin could hear thunder starting to roll in the distance.

"Looks like our beautiful day is coming to an end" he said, interrupting Sam in the middle of a sentence.

"It's at least five kilometers away" Sam said. "You're not afraid of the thunder, are you?"

"Of course not!" Pippin said.

"Anyways, Merry has been in charge of the stables for five years now and everything is in perfect shape!" Sam continued on.

Pippin knew all about the Gamgee children already, haven gotten the update earlier in the day. He got up from his spot on the grass and walked over to the old apple trees which were still bearing fruit.

"My Daisy is doing great as well…" Sam's voice carried on in the background.

Pippin picked one of the blooming flowers off one of the trees and looked at it. This apple tree had been in bloom this month of the year for as long as Pippin could remember. He wondered how much longer it would keep blooming. Would it still be bearing fruit long after everyone present at Crickhollow at the moment were either dead or at least no longer in Middle-Earth? Probably. It would most likely still be in bloom when Pippin's grandchildren passed away. It was strange to think that a tree could live for so long.

"Pippin!" Gimli's voice called, reaching through Pippin's thoughts.

"What?" Pippin asked, turning to look at his friends.

"I asked you how your son is doing" Gimli said and walked over to the apple tree. "You've been staring at that flower for a long time now."

"Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts…"

Legolas, Merry and Sam got up as well and walked over to the tree. Legolas glanced over at the clouds in the east, rumbling closer now than before.

"What in the world were you thinking about?" Gimli asked and grabbed the flower Pippin had been holding in his palm. "And why are you staring at a flower like it was the answer to all of your problems?"

"No reason, I just… thought of how odd it is that this apple tree stood here when Merry and I first moved in. And it will stand here when my son moves in, and when his son moves in."

"Perhaps then you Tooks should find something better to do with your time than move in and out of this old house" Gimli suggested. "Now speaking of your son, what has he been up to lately? Still a curious rascal?"

With a grin on his face Pippin began to update his friends on Faramir. But before he was halfway finished a sharp bang was heard, causing them all to stop in their tracks and look up.

"Thunder" Legolas said. "We had best be getting inside. It's coming close, and it just struck somewhere."

"Lovely" Merry said. "I have two daughters who are both afraid of the thunder, and just between us I think Théo is too. And then there's the other two crazy heads, Lucky and Cordy, they'll probably be outdoors trying to chase the flashes."

"Come on, let's go inside" Sam said. "It will probably start to rain soon. And Legolas is right, the thunder is close. I wouldn't want to stand here under the tree if lightning strikes it."

"Perhaps the apple tree won't still be here when young Faramir moves in" Gimli said to Pippin and put his arm around his shoulders. "Now come along, inside we go."

They hurried over to their picnic spot and shoved everything up on the tray Pippin had brought everything out on. As they were getting ready to go back inside Pippin squinted to get a better look at the rider he could hear approaching.

"Who would be out riding in this weather?" Merry muttered. "If it's Lucky or Cordy they are in big trouble!"

"No…" Pippin said. "It looks like Fatty Bolger. What could he want?"

"Fatty!" Merry said to his brother-in-law as the Hobbit halted his pony a few yards away. "You crazy old Hobbit! What are you doing riding around in this weather? Didn't you just hear the lightning strike?"

"I did" Fatty said. "But listen Merry, I…" He sighed. "My nephew is going to be furious with me for this!"

"Come inside and tell us there" Merry said.

"No, I think… I think you'd better come with me!"

"Why?"

"I wasn't supposed to tell you, but Théo is missing."

"What do you mean?" Merry asked, thinking his old friend had finally lost his mind.

"He rode into the Old Forest."

"He **what**?" Merry said, for a moment mostly shocked that out of all his children Théodoc was the one in question.

"He can't go in there!" Pippin exclaimed. "It's not safe! Especially not with the thunderstorm! Fatty are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Fatty said.

"How could you let him do that?" Merry angrily said and shoved the basket in his hands over to Sam. "Fredegar you know better than that! How long ago did he leave?"

"About an hour ago…"

"An **hour**? It took you that long to come tell me?"

"I… wasn't going to tell you at all" Fatty admitted as Merry strode over to him. "He made me promise not to! But with the thunderstorm I thought maybe it was best…"

"Fatty Bolger you **imbecile**!" Merry snarled. "Get down from that pony right now, I need it! He cannot wander in there alone!"

Fatty obediently dismounted his pony, allowing Merry to get up in the saddle instead. Pippin hurried over and untied the pony Sam had ridden earlier in the day, and looked over at Sam and their two visiting friends.

"The Old Forest" Gimli echoed. "Now that can't be good, I know what that forest is all about! You're going after him, aren't you Merry?"

"I most certainly am" Merry said. "I have to get to Brandy Hall first, make sure nobody else is missing. The two adventure heads might have decided to go with him!"

"We're coming with you" Legolas said and walked over to the pony Pippin was getting ready to ride. "I think I can manage riding on one of these ponies, small as they may be. Don't look so angry Pip, you can ride with me."

"Then I'm riding with Merry" Sam decided.

"And I'm running back" Gimli firmly decided and cast a glance at Fatty. "And this twit of an uncle to your son is running with me. Wait for me at the Hall before you go into the woods."

"No I am going alone" Merry said firmly. "I need to have a serious word with my son, if I do find him."

"You can't go in there by yourself" Sam objected.

"I appreciate that you would go in there with me" Merry said. "But you won't."

"You know we will" Gimli said. "We won't let you go on your own, laddie."

"I have to go alone" Merry said. "And I have to go now."

Sam had barely gotten up on the pony behind Merry before the pony galloped away towards Brandy Hall. Legolas and Pippin followed closely behind on the other pony, while Gimli grabbed Fatty Bolger by the ear and started running.

**XX  
XX**

At Brandy Hall nobody was to be seen outdoors. Everybody had gone indoors for shelter from the storm. Merry halted his pony and leaped from its back. Pippin, Sam and Legolas were only seconds behind him.

"Go inside and make sure the rest of your children are safe" Legolas said. "Then we are going out into the woods. Together."

"Legolas I need to find other ponies to saddle" Merry said. "Would you mind going inside and seeing that everybody is there for me? You know who my wife is, just talk to her and she will be able to tell you whether or not they are all at home."

Legolas hurried off inside and Sam gave Merry a confused look.

"Why send Legolas and not Pippin or me?"

"Because I don't want Legolas to come with me" Merry said and got back up on the pony's back. "At least with you two I know I can trust that you stay here if told to."

"It can be dangerous in those woods; you need someone there to help you!" Sam objected.

"No. I need to find my son, that's what I need to do. And I need to talk some sense into that head of his. And I cannot do it with all of you there."

"Merry!" Pippin said with a frightened voice and grabbed Merry's stirrup. "Merry think of Old Man Willow! Théo is out there all alone! You have to go **now**! Think of the Barrow Weights! Think of… You have to get him; you can't let him be hurt!"

"Tell Gimli and Legolas that I'm sorry" Merry said and drove his pony to a gallop.

Pippin swung himself onto the other pony's back and raced after Merry, leaving Sam to explain what had taken place to Legolas all by himself. When Merry saw that Pippin was following him he got even angrier and was just about to yell something less than flattering to his cousin when he reached the gates to the Old Forest and Pippin dismounted his pony.

"Go find him before Willow does" Pippin said and opened the gates for Merry with the key tossed to him. "Bring him home… Safely!"

"I will" Merry said and dashed off into the woods.

"I bet you will…" Pippin said and closed the gates behind Merry. "And judging by the look on your face, Théo should be more concerned over meeting you than Old Man Willow."

**XX  
XX**

Théodoc was cold, and trembled with fear even though he told himself it was only the chill of the rain. He had never liked the forests, and this one seemed particularly sinister. He had of course known that when he entered it, but he had not imagined it to be like this. He had for some reason never truly believed all the stories people told about the Old Forest. He believed it was dangerous, but that the danger came from wolves or other such animals, not from trees that came alive. Though now he wasn't so sure. The trees around him seemed to be reaching out for him, and he thought he could hear a moaning sound coming from them.

He shivered and pulled his thin cloak around him. The cloak was soaking wet, the heavy rain reached him even under the branches of the trees and for some time now he had been wet through and through. He could hear the thunder rolling closer and cursed the wicked fate that had brought on this weather on this very day.

It had been his plan for a few weeks now. Only his Uncle Fatty had known about it, and he had only known for a few hours now. Théo wanted it to be a secret. He wanted to take everybody by surprise. And he hadn't wanted anybody to know of his plans in case he hadn't dared to follow through with them. But he had followed through, he had taken the spare key to the gates and ridden into the Old Forest, comforting himself with the thought that if it was really that dangerous then his pony would have refused to go in there. Truth was, the pony had objected. But Théo was not a very skilled rider and he had written it off as his own poor abilities to command the animal.

The courage he had felt when he rode through the gates had soon vanished. He wondered how much further he would have to ride until he reached the other side. That was all he wanted right now, to reach the other side and get to sit by a nice, warm fireside at an inn in Bree. That was his whole plan, once he reached the end of the forest he would have proven himself worthy. Everyone would know that he was not a coward. He would have ventured into the woods where only the Mayor, the Thain, Frodo Baggins and his father had dared go. Nobody would be able to snicker at him behind his back anymore; no one would call Théodoc Brandybuck a coward. And his father would think him worthy.

The sound of the rolling thunder was getting closer. When he looked around him he noticed that a thick fog was creeping up around him. Fog and thunder at the same time. Théodoc wrinkled his nose. He hated fog; it was cold and damp and made it hard to see what was around you. For as long as he lived he would never understand his two youngest brothers who would run out in the fog and look for hidden treasure. Lucky always said that there were creatures called Mist Watchers who looked after the fog and hid treasure in it for those brave enough to find it. So far no treasure had been found, and Théo thought it all to be ridiculous.

He could feel how tired he was, riding through the woods. It was no wonder, the rain always made him feel sleepy, and now he had been on his guard for hours. Every minute spent in the forest had he been on his guard. Now he had allowed himself to relax for a moment and he could feel how tired he was.

He dismounted his pony and tied it to a tree. Then he sat down on the ground, on a spot where the rain hadn't been able to find its way through the thick branches and the leaves. He leaned back against the trunk of an old willow tree and fell asleep.

**XX  
XX**

Théo woke up with a start, and at first he couldn't recall where he was. Then he remembered that he had ridden out into the forest, but it still didn't seem to make any sense. Where was he? He was someplace dark, where no wind blew, but he could feel the wind brush his lower legs.

He could hear loud moaning noises, the kind you could sometimes hear from trees being cut down. The sound seemed to be coming from all around him. And he heard something else too, what seemed like an echo of a voice talking in imperatives. The walls seemed to be closing in on him and he was beginning to think he was having a very vivid nightmare. Then suddenly someone grabbed a firm hold of his ankles and tried to pull him. With a bolt of fear going through him he realized that wherever he was, his feet and part of his legs were not yet trapped. And the only place he could be trapped was inside the tree. Claustrophobia hit him and he began fighting like mad to be freed of his prison, but to no avail. Then the hands gripping his ankles were gone, and he could hear a familiar voice from somewhere far away.

_Ho! Tom Bombadil! Tom Bombadillo!_

_By water, wood and hill, by the reed and willow,_

_By fire, sun and moon, harken now and hear us!_

_Come, Tom Bombadil, for our need is near us!_

Shaking with panic he felt himself being dragged further into the tree. The hands came back and gripped his feet, holding on to them but no longer attempting to pull. The realization that whoever was holding on to his feet had given up on pulling him out became too much for Théo, and he fainted on the spot.

**XX  
XX**

When he came to the fog had begun to lift. He sat up and rubbed his spinning head. It had all been just a crazy nightmare, probably brought on by the fog. He glanced at the willow tree behind him; it was just an ordinary tree. He was not caught inside of it, he had just dreamed that he was because he had been told those silly stories of trees that came alive and moved.

He thought he could hear voices speaking nearby. One voice told the other he ought to come stay over the night, but the other replied that he just needed company over some place called the Barrow Downs. Then through the fog his father stepped into the small glade where Théo had taken his nap. Théo stared at him for a second; unsure of whether or not this was all just a dream. What was his father doing there?

"Get up" his father angrily said and tossed him his rucksack.

He seemed real enough, Théo deemed, and did as he was told. He followed his father through the fog to three ponies that were waiting on the path. One was the pony Théo had ridden out with and he went over to it and grabbed the reins. On the back of the third pony sat a fellow with the strangest appearance Théo had ever seen in his life. The fellow sang a strange tune, which mostly sounded like gibberish to Théo's ears, and as they made their way through the woods the figure would sometime address Théodoc's father. They seemed to know each other since before, which would have surprised Théo normally, but on this day he felt nothing could surprise him anymore. All Théo knew for sure at this moment was that he had failed in proving himself.

**XX  
XX**

After riding for what seemed like forever the company finally halted. Théo pulled his cloak even tighter around him and wondered why they had stopped here. It seemed just like any other part of the woods.

"We must part ways now" the odd fellow said and lifted his hat to them. "Goldenberry waits for her Tom Bombadil!"

"My gratitude" Merry said and dismounted his pony. "Thank you."

The odd fellow rode off in the direction they had arrived from. Théo got down on the ground and followed the fellow with his eyes for as long as he could see him. Whatever that creature had been, he was by far the queerest person Théo had ever met.

His father came up to him and grabbed him by the wrists, so firmly that it almost hurt, and Théo turned his attention back to him. He wondered what would happen now. His father seemed anything but happy to see him.

"Are you alright?" his father asked, briskly giving him a quick exam. "Are you hurt at all?"

"Only my pride" Théo admitted.

"Sit."

Théodoc did as commanded and sat down on a nearby log. He looked at his father, but was intimidated by the sight and looked down on his hands. His father was looking at him with eyes Théo had never seen before, and the firm placing of his hands by his hips was a sure sign that trouble was to be expected. Théo felt like his father was towering over him like he were three years old and it made him feel humiliated.

"I don't know what on earth you thought you were thinking going into these woods…" began the lecture. "Have I not warned you? Have I not told you to stay away? Have I not explained to you that the Old Forest is one of few horror stores which is actually **true**? For goodness sake, Théodoc! You be glad your uncle told on you, had I arrived much later than I did you would be dead now. Do you hear what I'm saying to you? I have never been this angry at any of my children! And never this disappointed!"

"I just…" Théo stuttered, fighting back his tears. He looked up at his father. "I just wanted to prove that I am your son. That I am worthy of being your heir! You're so brave, and everybody thinks I am a coward, but there has to be some of your courage in me! There has to be! I know you think I'm just a no-good who shames your name, and that you wonder how you could have ended up with a son like me. All I wanted was to show that I am not just a coward who hides in the corners, the least apt of the Brandybucks, the failure… I wanted you to be proud of me for once."

"You failed miserably" Merry said. "First of all do not presume to tell me what I think of you and how I feel about you. Secondly stop feeling so sorry for yourself all the time. Self pity is useless and it's the worst trait you have ever had. Thirdly you have done nothing courageous today; your actions have only been stupid and proven great lack of judgment."

Théo lowered his head and tried to fight back the burning tears of shame. He had never been so humiliated in all his life, never felt half as small.

"Starting from the top, you nearly got yourself killed today!" the lecture carried on. "Exactly what were you planning to do before I showed up? For goodness sake, I never ventured into these woods without the company of friends before today, Théodoc you know this! I would **never** be so stupid as to go in here by myself, except when my child's safety is at stake."

"I just wanted to show I had at least some of your courage!"

"You think I am brave?" Merry said. "I'm not. I'm not brave at all, I spent a lot of days on my journey scared silly! You scared the living daylights out of me today! I've been petrified at least a thousand times since I returned to the Shire. I'm afraid of the dark, I'm scared that bad years will come and there will be famine in the Shire, I get nervous whenever your brothers go out on their crazy 'adventures'. And just between you and me I'm terrified of spiders! Théodoc throwing yourself in harms way for no reason at all is not proof of courage! I never did a single brave thing in all my life that wasn't something I had no other choice but to do, in order to save or help someone I love!"

Théo glanced up at him, then back down on his hands. Merry sighed. He couldn't understand how his son's mind worked. Théodoc didn't seem like an almost 28 year-old lad, sitting there on his log looking like a ten year old who had just been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. Was his son ever going to grow up?

"You don't know how hard it is to live in the shadow of you!" Théo said, finally daring to speak up now that his father was quiet for a moment. "Meriadoc the Magnificent! Living up to the image of you is impossible, yet everybody requires it from me! Every trait I have that is not one of yours, they scoff at. Every trait of yours that I have I cannot perfect in the way you can, and for that they scoff as well. I'm surely going to be known as Théodoc the Meek!"

"There you go again, with your self pity" Merry said. "Know this Théodoc; there is **nothing** more harmful to oneself than self pity! Every problem you face is ten times harder if you pity yourself and nothing good comes from it. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself!"

"How can I not feel sorry for myself when I have spent my entire life being constantly assured that I'm not good enough?" Théo cried. "I'm forced to be someone I'm not, I cannot live up to you, and I cannot follow in your footsteps! Every day I am made painfully aware that I am not like you, I'm not brave and noble and wise. And I'm a disappointment to you."

"Fool" Merry snorted. "I don't care what you do or who you are, whether or not you're brave, you are my son and I love you!"

Théo looked up at him, and the surprise in his eyes hurt Merry far more than anything else any of his children had ever said or done.

"How can you not know that?" he said and kneeled down to get in eye level with his son. "My firstborn son, my child… What you need to see is that you can never be a good Master, husband, friend, Hobbit, anything at all, as long as you strive to be a copy of me. You are not me, you are different from me, and you can be a wonderful Master who people look up to, on your own credit. If you try to be just like me you will never succeed but if you try to be **yourself** you might very well be known as one of the best Hobbits the Shire ever saw."

"That's not true and we both know it" Théo said, looking back down on his hands again.

"You are a very compassionate Hobbit" Merry said. "You are gentle, you have a calm spirit. You don't lose your head very easily. You are reasonable and just, and you can work harder than anyone I've ever known when you put your mind to it. You never look down at people and you have an enormous patience. You will be a fine Hobbit on your own accord. Why do you strive so much to be like me? There is no room anymore for someone like me. There are no adventures to see which can form you into what I have become. I was not like this when I was younger. And you do have a lot in common with me. I was as tranquil and together as you are now when I was your age. I'm not going to deny that there are things about you which need to be worked on. You still need to focus more on what lies ahead of you and take your duties seriously. But I think you'll find that when you try to shape your own personality and your own way of doing things then your future duties will seem much more interesting."

Théo nodded slowly. He didn't agree with his father but he didn't want to object. Not now, when the lecture seemed to be over. He looked at his father and hoped that what he had said was true. That he wasn't disappointed or ashamed of him.

"All the others are so special" he said, thinking of his siblings. "And I am mundane… People must think I don't belong in this family! My greatest fear is that I'll never be able to take charge and take control and lead Buckland when I need to."

"When I was on my journey…" Merry began, "I got to know the king of Rohan. You've heard of him."

"Éomer."

"No, not him."

Théo blushed. He couldn't even remember this! But he sharpened his ears, for it seemed like he was about to get a clue to his father's past which even his mother never had.

"He was a just king, just like you are a just lad" Merry continued his story. "But he had been put under a spell by the forces of evil, and had turned into an old man without any willpower or urge to stand up for himself or fight. He let his land begin to fall; he was deaf to the despair of his niece and nephew. He did not even muster the strength to take control of himself when his son was killed. He let his country down. When Gandalf the White freed him from this evil spell he was in a deep pit which would be difficult to get out of. He had allowed himself to be duped; he had let his country decay and his son perish without him by his side. I don't believe any king has ever had a tougher challenge ahead of him with regaining the respect of his people and making good for what he had done bad. One of the first things that happened after his recovery was an ambush which nearly killed all of his people. But he didn't let that hold him down. When those who hadn't come to his aid called for him to aid them he rode out. He led his people to a hopeless war, knowing that they would most likely perish. He led them to war because that was the only right thing to do, the only responsible thing to do. He stood up and took charge and led himself and his people to glory, against all hope and odds. He died on the fields of Pelennor; I sat by his side as he slipped away from this life. In spite of how dark things had looked only a short time earlier this king died a hero, a noble man, one his people will never forget. He died with me at his side, as a father was he to me in life and a role model in death. I loved him. And when you were born I named you for him, the most special name in the world to me, safe for your sister's."

"Théoden King" Théodoc said and nodded his head. "I remember now. You've mentioned him to me."

"Let the king you were named after be the king whose example you follow" Merry said. "Never forget that no matter how dark things look you can always rise again with one act of nobility and honor. And remember child… I gave you his name because I loved you so. I have loved you all your life and it's never going to stop."

Théodoc closed his eyes and fought back the tears that were fighting to come. Everything that had happened that day was proving to be too much but he didn't want to begin to cry again. Not here, not now.

"You're my little boy and no matter where life takes you I will always be proud to call you my son" Merry assured him and put his hand on his son's shoulder. "There is nothing I wouldn't give for your safety. I feared I might lose you today and I couldn't stand the thought. I am proud of who you are and what you have become; you are most definitely worthy of me. How you could ever think otherwise is beyond me. Don't listen to what others say, or what you think they might say about you. If they tell me that you are not a competent Hobbit, one others should look up to, then I know they're wrong. Don't change who you are. Just work a little harder on some of your sides, sides we all must work on, duty and determination. For the first time in your life stand on your own two feet and be your own Hobbit. When you pass your title on to your son people will say that Théodoc Brandybuck was not like his predecessor, but well worthy in his own way."

"I love you too" Théo said spontaneously hugged his father for the first time in twenty-five years. "I want you to be proud of me."

"I am, little lad…" Merry said. "My boy who grew up and became an adult."

**XX  
XX**

When sun began to set that evening at Crickhollow Sam, Pippin and their two guests took their refuge to one of the sitting rooms. With large cups of tea, or at least large in the eyes of Pippin and Sam, and a large plate of sandwiches they sat down by the fireplace and enjoyed each other's company.

"I wonder when Merry will return" Pippin said. "I hope nothing bad happened…"

"If it did then there's nothing we can do about it now" Legolas said. "We cannot ride into the woods and search at random during night. If he's smart he brought his son someplace warm and safe and will stay there over night."

"Tom Bombadil's house!" Sam said.

"I'm worried" Pippin said and frowned. "What if something has happened to Théodoc? The Old Forest is dangerous! We nearly got killed there and we were four Hobbits traveling together, used to hiking in the woods! Théo is alone and has hardly any experience with woodlands, especially not the kind that comes alive on its own."

"I'm sure Merry's smart enough to go to Tom Bombadil" Sam insisted. "He wouldn't have left on his own if he wasn't confident he could find help from him."

"I must say Pippin, seeing your son is like taking a step back in time to when the Fellowship were all traveling together" Gimli said to change the subject before they got too worried. "My goodness… He's the spitting image of you."

"Only I am a lot older" Pippin said.

"Imagine that Legolas…" Gimli said. "Our young Hobbits have young Hobbits!"

"To think that this was the place where it all started…" Pippin said. "This was the place whence the first group of the Fellowship set out. This is where the Journey began!"

"I beg your pardon, but that's not correct" Sam had to differ. "You, me and Mister Frodo sat out from Bag End and that was the real beginning!"

"It was only a warm up" Pippin objected. "Frodo's plan was to start his journey here. He just needed to get here from Bag End first."

"You're not going to argue, are you?" Gimli asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's just good to have you here, in the house we set out from" Pippin said.

Legolas smiled at him and Pippin felt a little lighter at heart. Out of all his old friends, Legolas was the one he was always happiest to see. The Elf's face never seemed to grow older and was a comforting reminder that some things always stayed the same. It was amazing how Legolas and Gimli had stayed close friends over the years, as different as they were from one another. But perhaps that was one of the reasons why time and space had been unable to push them apart. Opposites attracted after all, and what bigger opposites could one find than an Elf and a Dwarf? Pippin remembered how odd he used to think it was that Bilbo Baggins was often visited by Dwarves. Now it didn't seem so strange anymore. Had you once befriended one it was hard to let them go.

"I will have to come back and visit you soon" Legolas said. "I promised Lucky I would teach him how to use a bow and arrow and take him out hunting."

"Oh no" Sam exclaimed. "Hobbits don't hunt with a bow and arrow! Lucky will be considered queer! And since he's a Brandybuck he's already in danger of that!"

"He seems to have taken a liking to me" Legolas said. "Him and I, we grew close when I looked after him ten years ago. I like the idea of having one of your children around me, so young and full of life! It gives me a form of legacy."

"Just don't teach him anything… magical" Sam said.

"A lot of silly Hobbits think Lucky can do magic" Pippin filled in. "Personally though I think some form of magic or grace is looking after him. He has survived a lot of illness and a premature birth. And managed to go through life without getting a single bruise or cut, that I know of at least. How is that possible? I can see why he feels connected to you Legolas, it's almost as if there is something elflike over him, but in a Hobbit way… He's not like an Elf but his great fortune reminds me of how you live forever."

"They don't call him Lucky for nothing" Sam said and finished his tea. "Does anybody want anything more to eat? I'm starved!"

"You just had three sandwiches" Legolas pointed out.

"And if we don't feed him something more his stomach will growl all night, keeping us all up" Pippin said and got up on his feet. "I'm making some more sandwiches, and when I get back I want to hear a story about your father, Gimli! Preferably one old Bilbo hasn't told a thousand times already."

**XX  
XX**

They passed slowly through the gates of Bree, closer to that town than to Buckland, an hour after sundown. Théodoc rode in silence next to his father instead of behind him, hoping that the silent tears falling down his cheeks weren't visible in the dark. It had been a very long and emotional day for him.

Years later he would look back on that day, still unsure of what had happened in the woods by the willow tree. Most of his days he believed the hungry tree and the odd fellow to be figments of his imagination, parts of a mysterious dream he had had. The talk with his father out in the woods became blurry as the years went by and in the end all he could remember was the things they had talked about, not exactly what had been said. But there was one thing he never forgot until his dying day. He never forgot when he found out that Legolas and Gimli had been visiting the Shire that day, staying only over night and not likely to return for a decade more. His father had known this but left them behind to ride into the forest after Théo. And he had gone with him to Bree that night instead of rushing back to the Shire to be with his friends, those friends he loved so much. Théo knew what a sacrifice that was for Merry, yet his father never spoke a word about it, he had never said that one of the bad things about Théo's little adventure was that he missed the chance to be with his friends. No words his father ever said to him ever made Théodoc feel more strongly that his father really did love him, than the knowledge that he had forsaken time with his friends that night to keep Théo company in Bree.


	31. 1459

**Author's Note**: I try to keep all my chapters around the same length, which proved to be a problem this time around since I needed more time to develop the storylines. So if some things seem to be happening a little fast then that's the reason. Though shortness of pages aside, I have to admit that I'm fond of this chapter. I hope you will be too!

**Disclaimer**: Ah you know the drill…

**XXX  
XXX  
XXX**

"What a lovely spring" Pippin said and took a deep breath to fill his lungs with spring air. "I don't think we've had a warmer May for a decade! And look at the nature around us! The trees are green, the birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming!"

"And you have apparently swallowed a bluebird" Merry said. "It's just springtime Pippin; you've seen it seventy times before."

"Sixty-nine" Pippin corrected. "And out of those, no more than ten have been this lovely!"

"That's still almost one in seven" Merry said. "Kind of as if every Tuesday would be exceptionally lovely."

"Trust you to turn a conversation about springtime in its loveliest to a talk about Tuesdays" Pippin sighed.

"I'm just bored I guess" Merry said. "Nothing exciting has happened at all this year. So far it's just been everyday life all the time… Not that I don't appreciate a nice and calm time, but I want at least something exciting or out of the ordinary to happen every year."

"Brandybucks…" Pippin grinned.

"Don't you start sounding like those ridiculous HAMs! You know what I mean, don't you? Something special happening! Just something that distinguishes the year from all the rest! But so far this year, nothing!"

"Perhaps 1459 will be the year you distinguish as the year when nothing happened" Pippin suggested.

"Maybe" Merry sighed. "Oh well, the year is not over yet. We still have a long summer and a wonderful autumn ahead of us. Perhaps something exciting will happen then."

"Still, you've got to love springtime" Pippin grinned. "Everybody's so changed during spring, so happy and filled with life! And love is always in the air! I don't think I've gone a single springtime since I became aware of lasses, without having a crush on someone."

"Who will the lucky lass be this year?" Merry teased.

"Who knows?" Pippin said with a wink. "But I bet she'll be a real diamond!"

"This is a good time of year to take your wife out for long walks and reminisce" Merry admitted. "To talk about the days when you had just fallen in love, your first spring as a married couple, when the children were little… I once took Estella out on a boat on the Brandywine when we were betrothed, thinking it would be a romantic gesture. She thought it was awful and was afraid she would fall in and drown! After that I was a bit more careful with what I brought her along for."

"Diamond and I never did anything like that" Pippin said. "Most of our meetings before we were married followed the same pattern. We did the same things almost every time. But I enjoyed that, I liked having a firm spot in my life, something that was constantly the same. Then of course we were married and we saw each other all the time, things were different then. But it was great to have her around all the time, that was the best part of being newlyweds. She was always there, I never had to ride off at night and leave her behind."

"Personally I thought going to bed was one of the most fun parts of being newlyweds" Merry said with a grin.

"Meriadoc!" Pippin said and smacked his friend on the arm. "I'm trying to have a decent conversation here with you and that's what I get?"

"But I also liked waking up!" Merry said. "Waking up and having her there next to me… Of course it took a few weeks for her to get used to seeing me every morning. She had some very firm morning routines which did not include having a husband snoring next to you."

"You snore? Since when?"

"To think we have both been married for over thirty years!" Merry said. "For Diamond that's got to be nearly half her life! I always look back fondly on those first few years when it was just the four of us… Not that I don't look back fondly on when the children arrived as well, but those years between marriage and childbirth were really special. Do you remember how we would sit out on the front door steps and watch the sun set on fall nights? The girls sitting on the ground in front of us, leaned back into our arms? We were a family even then, before the babies came along."

"We had great fun back then" Pippin nodded. "We've had a lot of good times, my dear Merry. And lots are still ahead of us!"

"They had better be" Merry smiled. "Those summer nights we would spend out in the orchard together, all four of us… Life seemed like it could never get any better, and it could never change. It was as if we were all invincible!"

They looked at each other and smiled. Those years when they had been young, in love and full of dreams were still vivid in their memories. Oh to be that young again.

**XX  
XX**

"We haven't been to enough parties together in the past couple of years" Sam said and handed Pippin a glass of wine. "It's great to have our families dance and sign and dine together again. This year we're doing something big for September 22nd, believe you me!"

Pippin nodded. It had been a few years now since the Tooks, the Gamgees and the Brandybucks had visited the same party, or even spent September 22nd together. Just like Sam Pippin had missed it. Parties were never more fun than when he had his two best friends with him, and their wives and children all together.

The party was full of Hobbits from all around the Shire. Pippin gathered there were at least 70 Hobbits of all ages present for this fest, and everybody seemed to be having a good time. Merry was off right now making sure the Gamgees, Tooks and Brandybucks could share one large dining table for when dinner was to be eaten, it would be a shame to be spread out around the area to eat when they were all together for once.

"Look at the young ones…" Sam said. "Do you remember when we were like that?"

Pippin laughed.

"Oh you as well, dear Samwise? Merry and I were so nostalgic a few weeks ago, remembering our youth and the good times we shared. I'm glad to see our children making the most of their irresponsible tweens. Seeing Frodo and his Rosa together astonishes me, you have married children Sam! Too bad Elanor couldn't be here."

"Yes, she's the only one missing" Sam said. "And Hamfast… He would have been 27 this year." Sam's eyes suddenly looked sad. "Ruby would be 21 now, and Tom 17…"

"Oh Sam, don't think of that right now" Pippin said. "Think of the nine ones who are out there having fun!"

"You're right!" Sam said and cast aside his dark thoughts.

"Naturally" Pippin said and finished his glass of wine.

**XX  
XX**

"Dear Daisy, when are you going to realize that you are not the most coveted of the Gamgees?" Goldilocks said to her sister as they sat down to eat.

"Goldie darling, your blonde hair can never win over my dazzling smile" Daisy replied.

"Not this again" their brother Merry sighed as he sat down opposite them. "Why can't you two just accept that you're both huge flirts? Why do you need the competition?"

"We can't be equally good at winning the lads over" Daisy said. "One of us has to be better than the other!"

Merry shook his head at his two sisters. They both loved playing with fire, flirting with a lad and charming him, getting him to want to be around them. They rarely took it any further than that, no more than a few kisses during the ten years they had been active flirts. For some reason they both wished to be the best at winning lads over; Merry could not quite understand the thrill. He turned to his more sensible company on his left, Éowyn, and discussed the training of her pony Blizzard. His two sisters bickered on across the table.

"Please!" he complained when their voices began to bother his conversation. "Won't you give it a rest? If you're so set on knowing for sure then why don't you actually put it to the test?"

"You're right!" Daisy said. "Excellent idea, brother!"

Merry shook his head at them and returned to Éowyn. Goldilocks looked at her sister with an interested grin.

"A real test, you say? Well why not! Do you have any suggestions?"

"Oh it's simple really" Daisy said. "We find us each a lad and the first one to get him to want to kiss her is the winner! And I know just the pair for the job!"

"Who?"

"Them" Daisy said and nodded over at Faramir and Cordy who were helping themselves to the buffet. "They're safe flirts, for they know that it's only a good-natured flirt and nothing more. Yet they're a bit of a challenge, because they don't see us as objects of flirtation. The first one to get the Brandybuck or the Took to want to pucker up is the most enchanting out of the two of us."

"It's a deal" Goldilocks said. "Do you want the Took or the Brandybuck?"

"The Brandybuck is too young for you" Daisy said, getting an offended snort from her sister. "I am simply saying that the oldest one of us should be going after the oldest one of them, and the youngest with the youngest."

"Fine" Goldilocks said and dug in to her meal. "As soon as dinner is over I am going to win Faramir over."

"I'll have Comradoc in my hands before that" Daisy said and laughed.

**XX**

**XX**

Once they were done eating, Faramir and Cordy headed out to the dance area. They both loved to dance, and were quite good at it too. All the Took, Brandybuck and Gamgee children were out dancing, save for Merry and Éowyn who were still discussing ponies by the table.

In the middle of the turns and twirls of the dance Faramir suddenly found himself with Goldilocks Gamgee in his arms. He had never danced with her before to his recollection, but he wouldn't mind giving it a try. He liked seeing her golden hair fly like a mane around her when she spun around in the dance and her eyes were smiling at him in a way he had never seen any lass do before.

He glanced over at Cordy, who had Daisy Gamgee in his arms, apparently laughing at something she had said and captured by her smile. To get Faramir's attention back Goldilocks let go of him and did a ballerina-like dance around him, making sure her hair flowed around her and her eyes met his. Faramir nearly stopped in his tracks and couldn't keep back a laugh as she apparently danced just for him. He had never known she was so fun to dance with. He grabbed her hands and as the music changed to one of his favorite dances he proved to her what a good dancer he was. She happily let him lead her and didn't neglect to give him looks which made any lad wonder what mysteries she carried inside of her.

The tune turned into a slower dance, just as Faramir was about to pull her closer for a more bodily connected dance she curtsied to him and thanked him for the dance. He looked after her as she walked away, turning once to smile at him. Before he could even begin to wonder or think he was interrupted by Aramac.

"Come along Faramir, we need something to drink!" his cousin said.

"Aramac have you ever danced with Goldilocks Gamgee?" Faramir asked as they headed over to get some ale.

"Sure" Aramac said. "She's a fine dancer… Not the best out of the Gamgee girls, but she's good nonetheless."

"I couldn't help but…" Faramir began, then stopped himself from finishing the sentence.

Aramac knew that look on Faramir's face.

"You do know that her flirtatious ways are just her ways?" he said. "Don't be fooled by them, she doesn't mean to wake your interest. She's just the same as you, only she doesn't kiss everything that comes in her way. I'm telling you Faramir; don't try to steal any kisses from her. Your father will be furious with you if you toy with Sam's daughter's heart."

Faramir nodded. He knew his second-cousin was right, but he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss Goldilocks Gamgee in a dark corner of the party. She was the first lass who had ever begun flirting with him; usually he was the one to take the initiative. But on the other hand, maybe all she had done was dance. She was full of joy and life; he might have mistaken her excitement for flirting.

**XX  
XX**

Goldilocks smiled to herself. That had been easier than expected! A little toss of the hair and a smile at the right moment. Now she let him wonder about her sudden interest in dancing with him, while the band played a few slower songs. As soon as a livelier dance was played she looked for Faramir and found him dancing with a few of his friends. Most of the dances were the type where you could switch your partner every few turns if you felt like it, which gave Goldilocks the perfect opportunity. She waited for the next spin in the dance and threw herself out in the turns. She made sure she wound up in Faramir's arms again, this time seemingly completely by accident, and she gave him a smile and a laugh that told him she found the coincidence amusing.

Faramir didn't know what to think. She seemed clearly out to charm him, then when he was convinced that she was she did something which made him think he was completely wrong. She seemed to be reeling him in one second and letting him loose the next. But he couldn't disregard that even though she had had dozen chances to twirl off into someone else's arms she had continued dancing with him. And he had had a dozen chances to catch another lass in the dance and get a new dance partner. But it was fun to dance with her. He enjoyed her innocent charms and flirts. He knew his father would be mad at him but he couldn't help but toy with the idea of seeing how far he could go with her. After all, he and Goldilocks both knew that there could never be anything romantic between them. So what harm could a few kisses do? He made up his mind to try to steer her aside once the night got darker.

This time when a slower dance was played, Goldilocks let him puller her closer for a dance. After all, there was nothing strange about that. Just a quick look around the area told them that Aramac was dancing with Primrose, Lúthien was dancing with Bilbo and Éowyn with young Merry. A dance was just a dance. But judging by how Goldilocks had smiled at him before, Faramir wondered if perhaps they couldn't get a bit closer than just dancing.

**XX  
XX**

Goldilocks made her way towards the tents in the outskirts of the party area, needing to go to the bathroom. She couldn't keep a content smile off her face. She had Faramir on the hook, she was sure of it. It was only a matter of time now before he would bring her to a more secluded area and try to kiss her. She knew she wouldn't let him, and she wasn't worried about hurting his pride in the process. Faramir Took would only think he had misinterpreted her merry coquette behavior for serious flirting, and leave it at that. Good old Faramir, it was interesting to see him in action. She knew he was quite the flirt himself, although his flirts usually ended up in secret kisses behind tents or trees, while Goldilocks had only kissed two lads in her entire 28 year-old life. She wondered what kind of lasses he found who were so willing to be kissed, probably lasses who thought he was serious about them. She discarded them as foolish no-goods.

She walked around the corner of a tent and stopped dead in her tracks when she found her sister and Cordy Brandybuck, not just flirting but actually kissing. It took her a second to regain her ability to speak, not only had her sister won their competition but she had actually taken it a step further! Goldilocks was shocked!

"Daisy!" she exclaimed.

Daisy and Cordy broke their kiss instantly, both looking as shocked as Goldilocks. Cordy blushed and looked away, covering his mouth with his hand and mumbling some greeting to Goldilocks. Daisy on the other hand gained control of herself almost right away.

"Goldilocks, you startled us!" she said.

"Daisy Gamgee I cannot believe you!" Goldilocks cried.

"Don't look at me like that" Daisy said, sure of herself although sounding a bit embarrassed. "There's no harm in it! What are a few kisses? And it's just Cordy, it's safe! I know he's not going to think I'm seriously interested, he knows I'm not going to think he's seriously interested… After all, what harm is there really to kissing? It's nice, and it doesn't hurt anybody, least of all us. A few kisses tonight, and tomorrow morning everything will be the way it's always been."

"There will be no more of it!" Goldilocks said, furious with her sister. "Daisy you had better come with me, and pray Father doesn't find out!"

"You're not telling him, are you?" Daisy said.

"Goldilocks it's all very innocent, I promise" Cordy said. "Neither one of us was using the other and we're not in love! It was just kissing!"

Goldilocks gave him a look. Poor fellow had no idea that using him was exactly what Daisy had been doing. She grabbed Daisy by the hand and made sure she got back to the others right away. Cordy waited for a while after they had left before he returned. It was a pity they had been interrupted, he had had fun with Daisy. But perhaps Goldilocks was right, he knew his father would be angry with him if he thought he had treated Daisy badly or inappropriately.

**XX  
XX**

After leaving her sister with Frodo and Rosa Goldilocks felt in no mood to go dancing again. But she had noticed the victorious smirk on Daisy's face and she knew she had to find Faramir. If her sister could get Cordy Brandybuck to kiss her then Goldilocks was not going to accept not getting as much as an attempted kiss from Faramir Took.

She found Faramir once again out dancing, this time dancing a slow dance with a Brandybuck lass Goldilocks didn't know too well. She waited impatiently for the dance to end and another to begin, and when it did she quickly made her way over and subtly let Faramir know she was interested in a dance. He looked from his original dance partner to her a few times, then thanked the Brandybuck lass for the dance and took Goldilocks in his arms instead. Goldilocks decided that it was no time to take her time. She did her best to work all of her charms as they danced, Faramir didn't know what to believe. But when the dance was over he nodded towards the outskirts and started walking in that direction, with Goldilocks following a few paces behind.

Once they were alone he put his arms around her waist and pulled her close. She felt gigglish, gigglish and determined. He could hear her giggles and see the determination in her eyes, now feeling more confused than ever.

"I never knew you were a good dancer" he said.

"I love to dance" she replied with a flirtatious smile.

"I also never knew you were so charming" he said, which was partly a lie since he was well aware of her flirtatious ways.

"Am I?" she said and looked up at him through her eyelashes.

Faramir laughed. They both knew that her flirting ways were obvious and well known. She must have some agenda trying to flirt with him like this. He wondered what it would feel like to kiss those giggling lips. Determined to find out he pulled her closer, but just as their lips were about to meet she pulled away from him with a smile.

"Ah!" she said with her index finger jokingly raised. "My kisses do not come that easily, Mr. Took!"

And with that she threw him a casual smile and danced her way back to the party, pleased with the outcome. Faramir remained where he was standing, unable to understand what had just happened. No lass had ever been like that before; no one had shown interest in him and later refused to let him kiss her. Goldilocks Gamgee didn't come easily he could tell. He went back to the party and spent the rest of the evening wondering about the golden haired lass.

**XX  
XX**

A few days later Éowyn and Merry Gamgee rode out from Bag End together. They had spent hours at the party talking about their shared love for ponies and made plans to go out riding together. Éowyn was hoping Merry might be able to give her some helpful tips with Blizzard and Merry was excited to have someone to go out riding with.

They rode down the path to Buckland together, sharing experiences and advice with one another about training ponies. Éowyn had more experience in training them, but Merry was much more skilled in caring for them. After a while they began to talk about other things as well, and it felt like only a short while had passed by when they reached the spot where they had decided to have their picnic.

Merry took care of the ponies and made sure they had access to water while Éowyn prepared for their meal. She glanced over at Merry while she unpacked the picnic basket and felt a blush appear on her cheeks. This was not just about their shared interest in ponies, she knew that much. Something had clicked between them at the party but she wasn't sure what it was. She had been thinking about him a lot since that night and she wondered if he thought about her too. He came over to her with a shy smile and sat down. Their eyes met, and she wondered if they hadn't looked at each other for a little longer than required. She shook her head and discarded the thought. What had gotten into her?

**XX  
XX**

Midsummer's Eve came, and it was one of the loveliest in many years. A party was held on the meadows of Tuckburough, starting at noon and set to continue until well after midnight. The Tooks, Brandybucks and Gamgees were all there and everybody seemed to be having a great time. Faramir and the Brandybuck brothers had gone to many parties in Hobbiton lately, but it was the first time since May that the three families were all there together.

"You have to admit that even though it's been an eventless year, it's a lovely midsummer" Pippin said to Merry and put his arms around Diamond from behind.

"I won't deny that" Merry said and put his arms around his own wife. "But still I wish something would happen."

"I am perfectly happy with what you call eventless" Estella said and continued chopping carrots. "Everything is nice and calm, just the way it should be."

She turned her head and gave her husband a kiss. Pippin was doing his best to annoy Diamond by blowing into her ear, hoping that she would give him some eatable treat to make him go away. Diamond was ignoring him however, well used to his tricks by now. Merry kissed his wife on the forehead and looked around.

"I guess this has its charm as well…" he said.

"I don't see how you can call this eventless" Estella said and chopped another carrot. "We are busy almost every day!"

"Yes but with ordinary things" Merry said.

"Yes, because we are **Hobbits**" Estella said. "And we do what Hobbits do because that's the way a Hobbit lives."

"But I swear this Hobbit won't live much longer if he doesn't stop blowing into my ear!" Diamond said and gave Pippin a murderous look. "How am I supposed to get any work done with you around?"

"I'll go away if you give me something to nibble on!"

"Nibble this" she said and gave him a playful elbow in the stomach.

"I know when I'm not wanted" Pippin sighed. "Come on Merry; let's go find some more sensible company."

"Okay" Merry agreed and chewed on a carrot Estella gave him.

Before Pippin could loudly mouth his complain that Merry got something to snack on but not him, Diamond suggested to him that he should go find his son. The sun was setting now and Faramir hadn't been in sight for a while. Diamond wanted him to come help her out with the food, since he was a tad bit more disciplined than his father and actually knew what he was doing preparing food. Pippin sighed and obediently headed off to find Faramir.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir was not far away, but the noises from the party could no longer be heard behind him. He had made his way down to the river, where he could see Goldilocks picking flowers. He stopped for a moment and looked at her. She was quite the sight, having a nice summer dress on and her long golden hair flowing down her back. She had a garland of summer flowers, and her hair shone like a light around her. She had not yet noticed him coming and was completely focused on the flowers she was picking for the children who wanted to make garlands of their own.

Every time he looked at her Faramir was confused. They had seen each other a few times since May, and each time she had had that smile on her face and that invite in her eyes which only went as far as a dance or two, never anything more than that. It was driving Faramir crazy, he couldn't put her out of his mind, the one lass who had not given in to his charms and allowed him to kiss her. He knew that Goldilocks Gamgee was not a lass he could flirt with, kiss and then leave behind, but for some reason he couldn't help wondering what it would be like.

She looked up and saw him approaching and her face lit up in that teasing smile. Even though he had seen a lot of lasses who were prettier than her she was a true sight this evening and he wondered if he had made a mistake in coming down here to see her in private.

"Hullo Faramir" she said. "Do you want to help out?"

"Picking flowers is not really my kind of chore" he said and stopped just a few feet away from her.

"Oh I think you would do just fine" Goldilocks said. "If you help me with this I'll save a dance for you tonight."

"Please… Don't tease me Goldilocks."

"Tease you?" she said with candid surprise.

"I know you don't mean anything by it…" he said. "But I feel I must tell you where I stand, in order to avoid any confusion. For the ways you flirt with me are truly confusing and to be honest it's been driving me insane. I know it's just harmless flirting for you, I'm a safe person to practice your charms at since nothing can ever arise between you and me, but I've found I don't like it and I think it should stop."

"Faramir I never meant to make you feel bad" Goldilocks said honestly. "It's just the dance I do."

"I know!" he said. "I know that you don't mean anything by it… But all I've been able to think about since May is what it would be like to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I tried that night, you rightly drew away and I haven't tried since. But since that night I haven't been able to get you out of my head." He took a few steps closer to her as he spoke. "Goldilocks normally I would appreciate a situation like this, take it as a challenge, be ready for whatever adventure there might be in store if I let it happen. But not with you. You and I both know that there can never be anything between us, you are a Gamgee and I am a Took. And furthermore we have been brought up as cousins, it's not something we can pursuit. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that I have fallen in love with a Gamgee. I want to fall in love with someone I can be with, someone I can have a future with. It's not your fault, you didn't mean for this, but I'm telling you that you have to stop! Don't flirt with me anymore!"

He had come to realize that the very thing his father had been warning him to do to others had been done to him. What had only been intended as friendly flirting had woken emotions in him which he feared would turn into a crush, a crush which would never lead anywhere. For the first time he understood why his father wanted him to be cautious, and he cringed at the thought that he had inadvertently led other lasses along.

Goldilocks was now right in front of him, looking at him with serious eyes for the first time since May. His words took her by surprise; she felt a mixture of misjudgment and triumph. If she was understanding him correctly he was beginning to develop feelings for her, she had managed to turn the head of Faramir Took, known to everyone as the lad who couldn't give his heart to any lass for real. But mostly she felt sad about it, she knew he was right about them not being able to be together and she didn't want him to feel hurt or betrayed by her.

"Dear Faramir…" she said. "This was not my intent. I just liked our little game of strengths. I thought you would be one to understand the innocence of a flirtatious smile or word."

"I understand more than I would like to" Faramir said. "I'm not saying I'm in love with you. I'm saying that I feel some sort of desire for you, and that is a horrible thing! You may not be fit for me to give my heart to but I greatly respect you and your whole family. I could never take advantage of Samwise's daughter; I would never forgive myself if I did! You deserve better, someone who cares for you. All I can think of his what your lips would taste like, the sweetness of your tongue, the feel of running my hands through your hair… But it could never go any further than that; never develop beyond a few kisses. And that's not acceptable; I cannot kiss you and discard you like you were worth nothing!"

Goldilocks was not sure what to believe. The look in his eyes was new to her; she had never seen it in him or any other lad. He thought he had the power but she knew that it was in her hands. He would never get to kiss her unless she wanted him to, if anything she would be the one taking advantage of him.

Unable to resist the temptation she let the flowers in her arms fall to the ground and her arms slip around his waist. A split second later his arms were around hers. They were looking into each other's eyes and Goldilocks knew she had to test him. Their faces moved closer, slowly, very slowly, and he leaned his forehead against hers while still somehow looking into each other's eyes. There was something about the whole moment which was far more intimate than the kisses she had shared with two lads in her past. But just as their lips were about to brush against each other he pulled back and backed away from her.

"Didn't you hear me?" he gasped. "You might think it's just a game, and just a kiss… But it's not! For if I kiss you once I will kiss you twice, and thrice, and again, but it will never go further than that! I will marry someone from my own social status, as will you, and I am not interested in having any form of romance with someone I can never let it grow with! We cannot see each other anymore Goldilocks, at least not for a little while! I have to get this out of my system, forget the thought of your lips. No matter what you think a kiss cannot be innocent between us, for I have thought about it for too long and it's beginning to turn into something else! Something that's not what you deserve. So please…"

He turned and walked back to the party. Goldilocks remained where he had left her until the height of the sun told her that it would be dark before long. She picked up the flowers and slowly begun to walk back. She was confused like never before, she could not quite come to grips with what had happened out on the meadow. Faramir Took had confessed to her that all he could think about was getting to kiss her, and when she had let him he backed away before their lips met. It stung her pride that she had allowed him to kiss her, knowing that he much wanted to, but he had had the willpower to step back. Now the tables were turning, for some reason she was now unable to think about anything else than what kissing him would be like. It had never crossed her mind that he might have somehow thought she was actually playing hard to get, something she knew he was completely unused to, and that it would have held an attraction for him. Now she was facing a whole new challenge. Someone who wanted to kiss her but had the willpower not to. She knew she had to face this challenge head on or she would not be able to put her mind at ease. Somehow she had to get this lad to give in and kiss her. Just like Faramir she was drawn to the challenge of someone being hard to get and she would not accept anything else than victory.

**XX  
XX**

"I love Midsummer…" Cordy said and gazed up at the sky. "It's midnight, but it's not all that dark… The sun sets late. I love it."

"Any reason to have a party…" Faramir said with a shrug to the shoulder.

"Cordy" Merry said and came up to the lads together with Pippin. "What's this I hear about you and Daisy Gamgee at the May party?"

Cordy looked surprised. How on earth had his father found out?

"Me and Daisy?"

"I am not going to meddle in your love life, but when it comes to Sam's daughters I want you to keep your distance and not do anything you're not supposed to!"

"It was just a kiss" Cordy said. "We both knew it. It was just a bit of fun, and we figured who better to share a few kisses with than someone you knew you were on the same page with? You know I wouldn't do anything to her against her wishes, and there's been no problem."

Merry gave him a squeeze on the shoulder which Cordy accepted as an okay, and he and Pippin walked off. Cordy turned to Faramir the second their fathers were out of hear sight.

"Can you believe it?" he said. "How on earth did he find out? I didn't tell anyone, Daisy didn't tell anyone and I don't think Goldilocks told anyone either! We were the only ones who knew! How do parents manage to find out everything?"

Faramir didn't answer. He grabbed Cordy's tankard and downed the ale in it in one sweep. Cordy stared at him.

"Easy! What's gotten into you?"

When he didn't get an answer he got up to get a refill on that ale. Probably best to get a half-pint for Faramir too. If Faramir fancied a proper hangover he could get himself one on his own ale, Cordy preferred having his to himself.

Faramir watched him go and sighed. He hadn't known Cordy had kissed Daisy Gamgee. But like Cordy said, apparently nothing could be kept from their fathers.

**XX  
XX**

Merry Gamgee couldn't believe his good fortune, or perhaps his great misfortune. He didn't even know how this had happened! Not in a million years would he have expected this. He had not even allowed himself to toy with the idea of something like this because he knew it was too impossible. Yet here he was.

It just didn't seem possible that Éowyn Brandybuck, the fairest lass in the Shire, would actually have any interest in him! He was just an ordinary Hobbit, most of his brothers were more handsome than he was and he was getting chubby already, even though he was only 32. He had absolutely nothing to offer her, not that it would matter anyway because they would never be able to be together. Yet she was there, right in front of him. He had never snuck away with a lass before, it was a new experience for him, and now he was here with Éowyn!

Éowyn could not quite believe it either. Ever since that May night she had discovered new sides to him and found that she really liked him. They had been out riding quite often since then and by and by she had come to realize that she cared a lot for him. She had never felt this way about anyone before and she didn't know how to avoid acting on it. Not when he felt the same way about her, and she could tell that he did. They had both known it tonight, and they needed to talk about it. But what to say? And what to do? Éowyn decided that he should be the one to speak first, and she patiently waited for him to say something.

"Éowyn this is madness" he finally said. "You and me, we come from completely different homes… I'm not good enough for you!"

"Merry I know what you're going to say" she said. "I know because I've thought the same things a dozen times. But I never expected to feel this way about someone; I never knew what it was that people felt for one another when they were together!"

"Miss Éowyn, what we feel is not important" Merry said. "What's important is to not allow ourselves to let our emotions take control over us! You stay on your side of the Brandywine, I stay on mine… no more going out on rides and no more talking to each other in private!"

"I don't want that" Éowyn said. "We cannot go about ignoring each other! It would never work, our families get together! I can't help it, I feel good when I'm with you! When I'm not, you are all I think about!"

"You're all I think about too!" Merry said. "But you're out of reach, you're off my limits! You're not supposed to care about the likes of me; you're supposed to be out there in the arms of some handsome Took or Boffin! Someone worthy of you!"

"Merry…" Éowyn said and walked really close to him. "All my life I thought I would never feel this way… It's still an early emotion but once it arose it seemed like there was no stopping it! I have to get to see you!"

"You are out of your mind, we can't! We might not be able to avoid each other at social gatherings, but no more riding out together!"

"Don't say that… I understand that I can't be beside you at parties, or touch you or kiss you, but that doesn't mean we cannot see each other! Let me be near you, talk with you… Just let me feel these feelings even if I cannot act upon them."

Merry pulled her close for a hug, which turned into a kiss. When they broke the kiss they looked into each other's eyes for a moment and Éowyn waited for Merry to pull back and tell her it was impossible, but he didn't.

"Maybe we just need to get it out of our systems" he said. "Neither of us have had a serious romance with anyone before, we probably just need to see what it can be like! We both have these feelings inside of us which we've never gotten to feel and so we feel them for each other out of some misguided emotion. A summer flirt, to get it out of our system! And when the winter comes we say goodbye and know that we might have had a nice summer but now it's over."

"A summer flirt…" Éowyn said. "I like the sound of that."

**XX  
XX**

Goldilocks noticed in the corner of her eye how her brother Merry came back from behind one of the tents. She evilly wondered what he had been up to, for he couldn't possibly have been with a lass. Her brother was hopeless when it came to lasses, out of all her siblings Goldilocks gathered he would be the least likely to get married. She nearly choked on her lemonade when she saw Éowyn Brandybuck coming from behind that same tent a few minutes later. She looked over at her brother and saw him give Éowyn a longing gaze. Goldilocks couldn't believe it!

"Goldilocks!" her sister Primrose cried and pulled her to her feet.

"Primrose, what are you doing?" Goldilocks asked, annoyed with her sister for interrupting her in this new discovery.

"You have been sitting here all night" Primrose said. "It's time you got up and danced! Come on!"

Goldilocks found herself dragged to the dance area by her younger sister, who never seemed to miss a single dance at any party. If Primrose wanted to dance that was fine by Goldilocks, but she didn't want to join her right now. But her sister quickly shoved her into the arms of a Baggins lad and then disappeared into the crowd.

Goldilocks put a smile on her face and danced a few dances with a few different lads. Then she saw Primrose in the corner of her eye, dancing with Faramir Took. Goldilocks felt a sting of anger at the sight. He could not dance with her, but with one of her sisters? Why did Primrose have to be such a fool for dancing?

At the end of the dance Goldilocks saw Faramir stagger a bit, and heard her sister laugh and give him a helping hand.

"Whoa, Faramir!" Primrose said. "I think you need to sit down for a while. No more ale for you tonight, you hear? Let me get you some water."

Goldilocks left her dance partner without a word and hurried over just as Faramir was trying to tell Primrose that he was not quite as drunk as she thought he was. Goldilocks had never seen him quite this intoxicated before, but a quick glance at Cordy who seemed to be thinking his cousin was entertaining told her it was not the first time it had happened.

"Primrose what are you doing?" she asked her sister.

"This looks a bit funny, I guess" Primrose said with a laugh. "Here Goldilocks, you give me a hand supporting this fellow. I'm going to go get him some water."

Her sister leaned Faramir over on Goldilocks and disappeared into the crowds. Goldilocks looked at Faramir in surprise and decided he needed to sit down. She begun to lead him over to a nearby table where Théodoc and Aramac were seated, hoping they could take a bit better care of their intoxicated cousin. But getting Faramir to walk straight was harder than expected and somehow they ended up passing the table without the Brandybucks noticing them.

Faramir looked up at her and she couldn't quite tell what the look in his eyes meant. Then suddenly she found himself with his arms around her and his lips pressed against hers. The kiss only lasted a second, then he pulled away from her and went over to Théo and Aramac. Goldilocks reached up her hands to her lips and wished she could remember what the brief kiss had felt like but for some reason she couldn't. She saw her sister bring Faramir some water and heard her laugh as he drank it all. Goldilocks saw him sit down at the table and strike up a conversation with his friends. She couldn't quite figure out what it was she felt for Faramir Took.

**XX  
XX**

The next time they saw each other Faramir came to offer her an apology. Goldilocks shrugged him off with a wave of the hand, saying he had nothing to apologize for. Yet she wished he would continue to do so. They were walking together down a secluded road new Bag End and she knew that when he was done apologizing he would turn back and ride to the Great Smials. And she would not get to see him again for a long time.

"I think it's best we not see each other for a while" he said, just as she had predicted.

"I disagree" she said, not knowing why. "I love a challenge, Faramir Took, and I am now finding myself in the same position you were in just recently. Ever since Midsummer I haven't been able to put you, or your kiss, from my mind. It was barely even a kiss, it was just a tease, and I want more. I want to know what it really feels like to kiss you."

"Then we must stay away from each other!" Faramir said, sounding scared. "It was one thing when I was the only one dreaming of a kiss, but now I've dragged you down to my level! This is awful! You have to forgive me!"

"Faramir… You are the one who needs to forgive me. This whole thing is my fault."

"No, absolutely not."

"Really, it is. I made a bet with my sister over which one of us could charm a lad into wanting to kiss her first. I feel so ashamed of it now, but we thought it was just innocent fun. She was supposed to charm Cordy Brandybuck and I you. We thought it was harmless since nothing could ever happen between us and a Brandybuck or a Took. Turns out we were wrong."

"It is my fault" Faramir said. "I should have let you be after that night but I didn't…"

"So should we just call it even and stop passing out blame?"

"We should say goodbye, that's what we should do" Faramir said and stopped walking. "Goldilocks I'm sorry for all of this… This is one challenge you're going to have to pass up on; you are playing with fire with this game of trying to resist a kiss. I fear we might get burned, both of us."

He began to walk back to Bag End, making his way back to the Smials, leaving her behind. Goldilocks couldn't stand to see him go.

"Faramir!"

He stopped and turned to look at her.

"I can end my challenge with myself right here" she said and strode up to him.

They kissed, for real this time, and held each other tight. Goldilocks wished they would kiss forever, then perhaps he wouldn't leave her standing here alone.

"It's not just about a kiss, Faramir" she said when their lips parted.

"Yes it is" he said and kissed her again.

"You're so handsome… I can't stop thinking about you…" she said when the next kiss ended.

"Yes you can" he said. "It's just a kiss…"

But when they kissed for a third time neither could deny that it was something more than just a kiss.

**XX  
XX**

Late one July night Merry was asked by his mother to help Goldilocks out in dusting the guest rooms. Someone had to move the heavier furniture and Rosie thought Merry could do it since he had nothing better on his hands. Finding herself alone with Merry for the first time since Midsummer, Goldilocks decided to let him know she knew his secret.

"It seems we are in the same boat this summer, you and I" she said to him.

"Huh?" Merry said.

"I know your secret. I know who the lass is you're always thinking about."

"Don't be silly" Merry said with a blush.

"Éowyn Brandybuck is not someone you can--"

"Quiet!" he angrily said. "What is it that you think you know?"

"I saw you together."

Merry looked so genuinely unhappy upon hearing that that Goldilocks couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Apparently her brother hadn't expected anyone to find out.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But I have a secret too and I think we can help each other out."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm in love."

"Good for you" Merry said, not really caring. "You'd better get a move on with that dusting or mother's going to worry what's taking you so long!"

"I'm in love with Faramir Took."

Merry stared at her with eyes as big as plates.

"No Goldilocks…"

"I can't help it, anymore than you can!"

"Goldilocks you have to get that foolishness out of your head" Merry said. "What did you ever think, getting involved with him?"

"It was that bet Daisy and I made! She won that night but as it seems I won in the long run. And don't you look at me like that, it was your idea!"

"I told you to go flirt, not to go steady!"

"Listen to me…" Goldilocks said. "You and I both know that a secret like this can't be kept forever."

"Éowyn and I only have this summer" Merry said. "Then we're going to say goodbye and leave it at that."

"Do you think you can even make it an entire summer?" Goldilocks asked. "I found you out quite soon, didn't I? How are you going to find excuses, or time, to be together? That riding excuse won't work forever."

"I don't know" Merry said. "But I won't talk about it with you."

"We can help each other" Goldilocks said. "I've been thinking about it. I have an idea."

"I'm not listening" Merry said. "Wake up from your dreams, little sister. You will only get your heart broken."

"And you won't?"

"I know what I'm doing" Merry claimed.

Goldilocks shook her head, thinking that her brother must have gone crazy. He had no experience with romance at all, he was not the least bit subtle and the way he looked at Éowyn would give his secret away before long. She had to get through to him.

**XX  
XX**

"I still don't know if this is a good idea…" Merry said nervously and rocked from one foot to the other.

"It is" Goldilocks insisted. "Faramir and Éowyn will be here in a few minutes, get a grip! We'll talk to them and find a way to help each other out with this. I'm going to go get Faramir, I told him to meet me by the south end of the cornfield, you stay here and wait for Éowyn."

Merry watched his sister disappear through the corn. She seemed to think it was exciting to have a secret meeting in Farmer Maggot's cornfield. Merry found the whole thing unsettling. What if someone found them out? Goldilocks was not worried however, since four young Hobbit friends would not be a suspicious thing. They wouldn't be the first Hobbits to try and steal a corncob or two, if anyone walked in on them all they had to do was pretend that was the reason they had come.

When his sister returned ten minutes later Éowyn had arrived. She had laughed a bit at his secret meeting point, but now that she was here Merry didn't worry so much anymore. Just to get to hold her hands in his own was reward enough for the possible danger the meeting held. Éowyn had let go of his hands however when she heard voices drawing near, and asked Merry whether or not they should leave.

Before he had gotten a chance to answer her, Goldilocks had appeared, laughing together with Faramir who was happily allowing her to lead him through the corn. When Goldilocks stopped and he noticed their company he stopped and his jaw dropped, but Goldilocks had a firm grip of his hand and wasn't letting go.

"Faramir!" Éowyn exclaimed. "Goldilocks! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing" Faramir said. "Is this some sort of Gamgee meeting point?"

"Éowyn I know about your… summer fling… with my brother" Goldilocks said frankly.

"Éowyn!" Faramir exclaimed, surprised by the news.

"And I know about your little romance with my sister" Merry said to Faramir.

"What's the meaning of all this?" Éowyn said and looked from one Hobbit to the other.

"Listen, a long story short…" Goldilocks said. "The two of you want to be together, so do Faramir and I. Instead of sneaking around each other, as well as everyone else, I was hoping we could help each other out."

"How?" Faramir asked and put his arms protectively around her waist, eyeing Merry and Éowyn as if they were spies.

"It's hard to come up with an excuse to leave to meet each other" Goldilocks said. "It won't be long before someone starts to get suspicious as to what we're really up to. You know what it's like at Bag End, with twelve Hobbits living there it's hard to keep anything a secret! And your fathers seem to find out about everything that goes on around here! How long would any of us be able to keep this secret on our own, a week? A month? And then what?"

"What are you suggesting?" Éowyn asked.

"That we help each other out, cover each other's tracks if you will. Merry and I can leave Bag End together, nobody will be suspicious."

"And if anybody asks questions about the two of you," Merry said and nodded at his sister and Faramir, "I can say Goldilocks was with me."

"That sounds horribly dishonest" Faramir said with a frown.

"It's a good lie" Merry said, starting to believe in the idea. "Nobody gets hurt from it. We all know that the situation can't last forever anyway, why not help each other to make the most of this summer? It's all we have!"

"You're forgetting one thing" Éowyn said. "While you might be able to go off together a lot and nobody questions it, it's not as easy for Faramir and me."

"You go out riding all the time, Éowyn" Merry pointed out.

"Yes, but only for an hour at a time! I rarely go out for longer periods of time than that. And Faramir has chores at the Great Smials which he can't leave without a good reason. As much as I like the thought of being able to see you more often I don't see how it can work."

"Isn't it ironic?" Faramir said. "That it would be you and I caught in this odd situation, Éowyn? Ever since we were little we've been expecting our fathers to arrange marriage between us. And now we've both gotten smittened with someone we can't be with."

"There you have it!" Merry said. "Right there! You're expected to be married someday, why don't you just ride out together when you're coming to meet us? If they suspect there's something romantic between you they won't be upset, and when summer comes to an end you can simply say you were infatuated but now you're not anymore!"

"All this dishonesty…" Faramir said with a sigh.

"I think it might work" Éowyn said. "I want to see Merry, and if people suspect I'm seeing you instead then I don't care much. As long as the four of us know the truth. What is one summer going to do?"

**XX  
XX**

Faramir sighed heavily and pulled Goldilocks closer. She was seated in his laps, crying over the fact that it was early October and time to say goodbye. Winter was coming with snow this year, as if to remind the four youngsters that the deal had been until summer was over. Summer was definitely over now. It had been the best summer of their lives, they had had their secret meetings three days out of the week and everything had run very smoothly. Nobody had questioned Merry and Goldilocks leaving Bag End together, and nobody had asked any questions about Faramir and Éowyn spending so much time out riding. Comradoc had complained that his friend never had any time for him anymore, but Faramir had shrugged him off with a reminder that he still had four days left every week when he didn't go riding. Their parents were more than pleased with the arrangement of Faramir and Éowyn spending so much time together, it almost gave Faramir a sting of bad conscience, but now the summer was over and so was the charade.

Any minute now Merry and Éowyn would return to their meeting spot near the road between Hobbiton and the Great Smials, and the Gamgees would return to Bag End for good. It was hard saying goodbye; Faramir wished he never had to let Goldilocks go. He had had the most fun with her, even though they hadn't done much more than take long walks and sit together by the Brandywine river. He almost felt like joining her in crying, but he wanted to comfort her, not make her even sadder.

"I wish summer never had to end" she said.

"So do I" he said and kissed her forehead. "But we knew this day would come. Winter will be long this year, I can tell by the snow that fell last week. We'll have months to forget the way we feel now."

"I don't want to forget" she said.

"You know we must."

"Faramir…" she said and looked at him. "When this long winter is over, and it's spring once more… If I still feel the way I do about you now, will you promise me--"

"Hush" he said. "You won't. And neither will I. You're my first real love, but our time together is up. Next year we'll be just good friends, with some wonderful memories together."

She nodded, even though she couldn't imagine ever feeling any other way about him. She had toyed with the thought of cutting off a curl of her golden hair to give to him, but in the end she had known he wouldn't accept it. Faramir was far more practical than her; he was determined to make up for the emotional missteps of this summer. And he was right, she knew that he was. There was no future for them, and whatever pain she felt now it would be nothing compared to nurturing their feelings only to see him married to someone else.

"Don't cry anymore now, Goldilocks…" he said to her and gently dried her tears with his fingers. "Kiss me one last time, kiss me until your brother comes, and then promise me that you won't forget about this summer."

She kissed him with the bittersweet touch that came with knowing that every kiss could be their last. When she finally heard her brother come she whispered the promise he had asked for in his ear and rose to her feet. She could see the sad look on Merry's face and the more controlled look in Éowyn's. She and Faramir had both had a more realistic view of the summer, knowing all along that it would come to an end, while the Gamgees hadn't thought much about it at all. Winter had seemed so distant during all those summer days. But a light snow had begun to fall now.

Merry gave Éowyn one last kiss, then he helped Goldilocks up on her pony and mounted his own. Faramir put his arm around Éowyn's waist and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they nodded their silent goodbyes. Nobody said anything, there were no words to say. As they rode off to Bag End Goldilocks cast one look behind her shoulder and hoped she would not forget Faramir's face over winter. Strangely enough she always had trouble recalling what his face looked like.

"Well then that's that" Faramir said to Éowyn when the Gamgees were no longer in sight. "Come, let's go get our own ponies and return home."

"Oh Faramir…" Éowyn sighed as they walked off to the glade where their ponies were tied up. "Are we crazy?"

"Everybody does irresponsible things in our age" he responded and squeezed her soothingly with the arm he held around her waist. "But we landed on our feet in the end. Saying goodbye to her was painful, but inevitable. We all knew that going in."

"It's so strange… Have I learned to love at last, Faramir?"

"No" he said. "All you've done is learned to open up your heart. You will know that you're in love when it happens for real."

"I'm glad I have you to talk to" Éowyn said. "Let's make a promise… If either one of us wants to reminisce about how lovely summer was and how these feelings won't go away, the other one will put a brisk end to it."

"Sounds like the perfect promise" Faramir said. "A year from today we'll both have new beaus. This will all be just a sweet memory."

He kissed the top of her head and she smiled slightly. At least they had gotten a few months.

**XX  
XX**

"Why are you smiling like a cat that got all the milk, Father?" Aramac asked his father, who had just put his pen down with a huge grin.

"Because, dear son, I am now finished with my book!" Merry said proudly.

Éowyn and Aramac looked up from their card game. Merry had been working on that book for a long time now; the fact that it was finished seemed like good news. A smile appeared on Éowyn's face. This winter she needed all the good news she could get. Merry Gamgee was still on her mind, she couldn't understand how Faramir could seem to not think about Goldilocks at all. Not even when they were alone together did he admit that he thought about Goldilocks.

"Is that a smile on my daughter's lips?" Merry asked and laughed. "Good to see you smile, apple cheeks! You've been cheap in handing out smiles this winter!"

Éowyn ignored his comment and returned her focus to the card game. Everyone had noticed that she wasn't her usual jolly self this winter, on the days when she would usually meet with Merry she often got sad. Her parents had assumed something had gone wrong between her and Faramir, even though no romance had been made official and the two youngsters said nothing about it.

The door opened and Pippin came through it, shaking snow out of his curly hair and shivering from the cold outside. Éowyn wondered if Faramir was with him, she had not seen him in a month now and she was beginning to think that taking a ride with him would be what she needed to cure herself of the gloomy thoughts.

"Pip!" Merry said. "Come on in, I have some good news!"

"Sounds good!" Pippin said and waved hello to Aramac and Éowyn. "What is it?"

"My book is finally finished!" Merry declared proudly.

"Really? That's wonderful!"

"Come Éowyn, let's go make us some hot cider, and some for them to celebrate" Aramac said to his sister and gathered the scattered cards.

"Some cider would be nice" Éowyn said. "I know where Mother keeps the cinnamon."

"I like a lot of cinnamon!" Pippin called to them as they left the room. Then he sat down on Merry's desk. "So your book is finished? Let me see!"

Merry handed him the book he had been working on for so long and Pippin eyed through it. He hadn't gotten much chance to look at it before, he had often offered to help his cousin with it but Merry wanted to complete it on his own.

"Old Names and Places in the Shire" Pippin read from the cover. "This is good! You should do one about Gondor next."

"Not in this lifetime" Merry said. "Besides, why waste time writing a book that nobody will be reading once we're dead?"

"Good point" Pippin laughed. "Well isn't this exciting? Now you finally have that special happening of the year!"

"Yes, it will surely be something to remember 1459 by" Merry said. "Even though had I waited three more days it would have been something to remember 1460 by."

"Better late than never" Pippin said. "At least it happened!"

"It did" Merry nodded. "To think that it would take so long though for something to happen… Can you imagine that aside from this, nothing interesting or out of the ordinary happened at all this year?"

**XXX  
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XXX**

I hope I'll be able to have the next chapter up soon! It's basically finished but needs some rewriting. Let me know what you think of this part!


	32. 1460

**Author's note**: Merry Christmas! I hope you all have a wonderful one! Here's the next chapter up, and I think the following will be up before New Year's Eve, or shortly thereafter. Uhm, I don't think I have much to say about it… It focuses mainly on the younger generation, which I hope is okay. I felt I wanted to build up Faramir and Goldilocks' relationship properly since this story gives me the opportunity to do so over a few years. Anyhoo enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: Same as always…

**XXX  
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"Here's to a wonderful spring following a long and cold winter!" Pippin said and placed four tankards of ale in front of the four young lads seated at the table. "Drink up, dance through the night and get up early to do your farming the day after tomorrow!"

Faramir grabbed one of the tankards and smiled at his father, who grinned and hurried off to dance with Diamond before they ate. Cordy and Théo grabbed a tankard each, as did Pippin Gamgee who had joined them in time for dinner to be served. They raised their tankards and drank a toast to the melted snow and the summer ahead.

"Where is the food, I'm starving" Théo said.

"You're not the only one" Faramir said. "I could eat an entire cow, all on my own!"

"Then fill up your stomach with some ale, and leave some food for the rest of us" Cordy said and patted his cousin on the shoulder.

"Dinner's on its way" Merry Gamgee declared and sat down next to his brother Pippin. "It smells wonderful! Who's been doing the cooking?"

"I have no idea, and I don't really care" Théo said.

Faramir smiled at Merry and wondered how he was doing. They hadn't seen each other since that October day, that was more than six months ago. Merry seemed to be doing quite alright. Faramir wondered how Goldilocks was, but he didn't dare to ask. Merry would only be worried that he might still feel something for his sister, and the others would be suspicious as to why he asked about Goldilocks specifically.

"So here you all are" Daisy Gamgee said and sat down next to Faramir. "They are serving dinner now, starting at the other end of the table, but unfortunately this was the only seat vacant. I guess I'll have to put up with you lads over a meal."

"Always a pleasure, sister" Pippin Gamgee said with a smile.

He looked over at the other end of the table to see how far away the food was. He had always preferred a buffet to dinner being served at larger parties, but there was not much to do about it now. Right now he could see Éowyn Brandybuck being served her meal, which meant there were only five more Hobbits in-between the food and their party. Éowyn looked up from the food and sent a wonderful smile their way, Pippin couldn't help but smile back at her. Little did he know the smile was meant for his brother, sitting next to him.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir walked away from the party area, for once not feeling like dancing and drinking ale with his friends. He was reminded of the year before, and it made him feel uncomfortable somehow. He had told his friends he would take a walk and get some air; they had sent him on his way with jesting pats on the back and instructions to stay away from the ale for a while.

He found himself walking down to the meadow where he been on Midsummer the year before. And he found Goldilocks there, sitting on the slopes with her eyes on the river and her skirts pulled tightly around her legs. He hadn't hoped to see her alone, but there she was and he couldn't turn back for she might hear him. Instead he walked up to her, and she turned and saw him approach. He sat down beside her and looked at the river in silence for a while.

"How was winter?" he asked.

"Lonely."

"How is spring?"

"Not so lonely."

They looked at each other for a moment. Goldilocks had a strain of hair falling down across her face and Faramir wished he could pull it aside and tuck it behind her ear. She lifted up her hand and let her fingers trace gently, barely even touching, against a scar on his cheek.

"This is new" she said.

"It will heal" he said. "I hurt myself out hunting with my father. Uncle Merry says the scar won't be visible in time."

She nodded.

"Should we talk?" she asked. "Is it better to talk about winter, or should we just sit? I don't want to make any mistakes."

"I haven't thought about you" Faramir lied. "Not until this morning… Last summer was wonderful, but I'm glad we are where we are now. Last summer was… something we thought of as love. But we both know it was nothing of the sort."

She didn't say anything. She looked out at the river and Faramir did the same. After a while they turned to look at each other again. The strain of hair was still in her face; Faramir gently leaned closer and tucked it in behind her ear. As he did their lips met in a kiss, short like their very first kiss but gentle as their very last.

"I'm glad you haven't been thinking about me" Goldilocks said. "And that you agree that we were never in love and never will be. Then it is safe for us to kiss now."

They kissed each other with hunger, and for a long time they did nothing else but kiss, making up for all the time they had lost during winter. When they finally parted Goldilocks touched his swollen lips with her hand and realized someone might be able to put two and two together when they returned to the party after being away for so long. She rose to her feet and walked down to the river, scooping up some cold water to chill her lips with.

"What now?" Faramir said.

"I don't know…" she sighed. "Let's just… go back to the party."

He got up and offered her his hand. She took it but then let go.

"We cannot walk in there hand in hand" she said. "You go first, I'll follow behind."

Without replying Faramir turned and walked back to the party. Goldilocks could tell he was upset. She didn't blame him, but there was nothing to do about the situation. She called his name after him but Faramir didn't turn to look at her. He was furious with himself, and with her, for what had happened. There was no point in all of this, getting to kiss her was not worth the heartache that would inescapably come. He was set on leaving Goldilocks behind, for good this time.

**XX  
XX**

"So here we are again" Merry Gamgee said and looked at his three companions.

His sister looked away, avoiding letting her eyes rest even for a second on Faramir. She was sitting next to her brother, opposite Faramir who had his arm around Éowyn. The foursome had decided to meet and talk, things had been very awkward between all four of them at the party and the situation had to be resolved in one way or another.

"Let me ask you all this…" Éowyn said. "Is there anyone here who hasn't spent all winter thinking of the person they spent last summer with?"

Nobody answered her. She looked at Merry who looked away when their eyes met. But his eyes soon returned and seeing conformation in his eyes that he had thought of her too made her smile. Merry smiled slightly in return, he couldn't help but to smile when she did. He couldn't believe that her feelings for him had survived the long winter. Éowyn was just too fair and too good to even be remotely interested in the likes of him. But whenever he said so she told him he was crazy and she should be lucky to have his affection.

"What are we supposed to do?" Goldilocks said. "I cannot have uncertainty; I need to know either way. And please don't get up and leave Faramir, not just yet! Can't we talk first?"

"There's nothing to talk about" Faramir said. "Nothing has changed! I'm not game for another summer. It's too painful when the end comes, and it will come."

Éowyn looked at Merry and wondered how he felt. She knew it was insane, but she couldn't help but toy with the idea of another summer. Just one more summer and then they could leave it behind as a lovely memory. But Faramir was showing proof that he was Diamond's son as well as Pippin's and thought ahead of what would lie before them. This winter had been lonely, and the next would be even worse if they spent another summer together. He wanted Goldilocks either for real or not at all, and since the former was not an option it would have to be the latter. He was determined to stick to the statement that he had no real feelings for her.

"Faramir we said a summer, didn't we?" Goldilocks said.

"I know we did" Éowyn said. "Merry and I said a summer, that was our arrangement."

"That was in early July" Goldilocks said. "Summer begins in June."

"What are you saying?" Faramir asked.

"I'm saying you promised me a summer… I want a summer. A full summer."

"I don't want to" Faramir said honestly. "I don't want to have to put you out of my mind again! I'm only interested if it can be for long, and it can't! I don't want to fall for you."

"Well I know what I want" Éowyn said and rose from her seat next to Faramir to sit in Merry's lap instead. "I want the full summer we planned for."

Goldilocks looked at Faramir who sighed and rubbed his temples. It was clear that Éowyn and Merry were set on spending another summer together, and Goldilocks desperately wanted another summer with Faramir. But he hesitated. She longed to look him in the eye and tell him that if he was unable to resist kissing her when her face was just centimeters from his own then he should spend this summer with her. But she knew that if he did prove unable to resist it he would only get up and leave, determined to keep physical distance from her if he couldn't keep an emotional one. She didn't know what to do.

She rose and walked over to him, kneeling right in front of him and leaning as close as she dared to. She looked him into the eye and whispered into his ear.

"It's just a game… Nothing to be taken seriously… I didn't think about you this winter and you didn't think about me… It's just kissing…"

Faramir groaned and pulled her close for a hug. She couldn't keep a smile off her face. She knew she had won him over.

**XX  
XX**

Aramac sighed and told himself to hurry up and get this over with. He was down at the marketplace to get some fruit for an overnight hike in the woods he was taking with three of his friends. Going to the marketplace was no longer pleasant; it was the place where the HAMs usually gathered, since many of the Delverings earned their keep nowadays by selling what little surplus they produced. Aramac often found himself the target of the HAMs along with the group of friends he spent most of his time with. It angered him that his friends had to take the anger of these misguided Hobbits, but the HAMs seemed to think they were as bad as the Brandybucks because they were friends with them. It was all ridiculous, but it was getting harder and harder for Aramac to shake off.

At first Chet Delvering and his friends had delivered their vocal attacks to all four of the Brandybuck brothers, but lately Aramac felt he was getting the bigger load. Théodoc didn't go to the marketplace very often and since he mostly stayed at Brandy Hall he never ran into the HAMs. Cordy had earned what little respect came with fear since he had pushed Chet Delvering up against the wall, and as far as Lucky was concerned they didn't see him very often either. Lucky spent most of his time out walking or riding, or at Brandy Hall reading about the Elves and pestering their father with questions about them.

Aramac turned to his friend Deny Took and asked him how much fruit he thought they should bring. In the corner of his eye he could see Chet and his group, at the moment busy loading blankets off a cart.

"A whole sack of apples" Deny said. "And let's get some carrots as well! I love a good carrot to nibble on when I'm out riding. Let's get a move on, I can spot HAM and I'm not very keen on seeing them."

"We'll take our good time" Aramac said. "I'm not going to let them stop me from coming here. I just wish they would tire of persecuting my father and my family."

"Don't count on it happening anytime soon" Deny said. "Chet Delvering has gained a lot of new support for his group by riding around to the less fortunate Hobbits and explaining to them how all of their misfortune can be blamed on your father. Word is he's got a group of twenty now. Still only about seven in his inner circle, but maybe it's time for the Master to start worrying."

"Try telling that to my father" Aramac said. "He's fully convinced they will get tired of it all and move on."

"What do **you** think?"

"I think such things should be ended before they get a chance to really start" Aramac said. "But it's the Master's decision; I can't do anything unless he decides to disband the group."

Deny nodded, but secretly wished there was something they could do. He took it extremely personally when Chet and his group came with their insults and harsh words.

"All we can do right now is to ignore them" Aramac said. "Personally I want to show them that we cannot be driven from the marketplace by any of their cheap attacks. Come, let's walk right by them on our way out, and let them know how little we care about their comments."

"I don't think that's wise" Deny sighed, but he followed Aramac anyway.

"Hey Brandybuck, what brings you to our fine part of town?" Chet said as they passed by.

Aramac didn't acknowledge him with as much as a look. But he stopped when someone spit right in front of him, and turned to see who it had been.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Chet asked. "I thought I was free to do as I pleased, isn't that so? Didn't your father save me from all evil and allow me to live freely?"

"If he is his father" one of the lasses in the group said and gave Aramac an evil grin.

"At least it's obvious he ain't yours" Aramac countered and walked off with Deny in tow. He could hear the lass shouting something less than flattering to him, but he didn't hear what it was. "Those Hobbits should really get themselves a hot bath and some good manners" he said to Deny. "I don't know what's worse, their smell or their talk. Even the lasses are getting smart in the mouth now. Just last week one of them said the rudest thing to Théo, I swear I have never seen my brother look so offended in all my life."

"Yes, they're getting worse alright" Deny sighed. "That lass who just spoke with you is new, apparently the new lasses in the group are smugger than the others were."

"Give me strength…" Aramac sighed.

**XX  
XX**

"Would you hurry up, Lucky?" Aramac complained.

"Don't rush me" Lucky said and grabbed a pair of tweezers. "I can see the splinter, but if you don't keep still then I'll never get it out."

"Perhaps you should be more careful when you go balancing on logs" Estella said to her son and sat down by the stool her husband had his feet on and began rubbing them.

"Everybody gets splinters in their feet sooner or later" Aramac said. "I just want to get it out so I can walk on it again."

"I've never gotten a splinter" Lucky said. "Keep still now…"

"Splinter aside…" Théo said and eyed his brother's feet and legs. "Where did you get that bruise above your ankle?"

"It was a lass" Cordy said with a grin.

"Yes, but not the way my brother makes it sound" Aramac said and gave a cry of pain when Lucky pulled the splinter out.

"Big baby" Lucky teased and held the splinter up for his brother to see. "Do you wish to keep this as a reminder?"

"No" Aramac said. "Thanks Lucky."

"So who is this lass?" Éowyn asked and tied another ribbon into her sister's hair which she was braiding.

"Actually it was three lasses" Aramac said and rubbed his aching foot. "They are part of the HAM group."

"Haven't I told you to stay away from them?" Merry said.

"Yes but they won't stay away from us" Cordy complained. "Aramac, Faramir and I were out with the Banks brothers, in that little creek in the woods by the Brandywine. We were balancing across a log that's fallen right across the water sometime recently, and they just showed up out of nowhere and begun harassing us."

"Yes, and while I was balancing three of the lasses threw rocks at me" Aramac said. "I lost my balance, slipped and got this splinter stuck in my foot. And the bruise to go with it."

"Merry can't you do something about this?" Estella asked. "I don't like my sons getting hurt. Throwing rocks, my word!"

"You need to stop letting them know they bother you" Merry said. "If you don't get annoyed by them then annoying you loses all its charm to them."

"Easier said than done" Aramac muttered. "I don't like it when it's the lasses! Thank goodness none of my sisters have a mouth like Chet's pack! Especially the lass going with Tack Sacker, that Gemma Delvering. And that other one, the girlfriend Chet Delvering has, what's her name?"

"Daisy Bluebell" Lucky said.

"Such a sweet name for such a foul being" Aramac said.

"Aramac!" his mother exclaimed. "I will not have you saying such things about others!"

"She **is** a foul being" Cordy insisted. "They all are."

"Bluebell, that's an unusual name" Merry said. "I don't know of anyone named Bluebell."

"Be glad you don't know this Bluebell" Aramac said.

"I don't want to hear another word about any Bluebell" Estella said. "Théo won't you read us something instead? I would love to hear a story."

"How about the one about the fair named lass with the fowl tongue?" Lucky suggested, causing his brothers to laugh.

"Enough" Merry decided. "A story Théo, if you please."

Théo got up and chose a book from the shelf. He sat down in his favorite armchair, moved the candle on the table closer and opened the book. Merry leaned far back in his chair when his son began to read and allowed himself to relax for the first time this evening. Estella's hands kept rubbing his feet; it felt good to be a bit mollycoddled by her. His feet ached when he walked for too long, even though he refused to admit it to anyone, it was nice to have them taken care of for a while.

Éowyn continued to braid her sister's hair and tie blue ribbons at the end of each braid, admiring the contrast the color had to her sister's blonde hair. She couldn't concentrate on the story her brother was reading, tending to her sister's hair had made her think of Goldilocks whose curls had been the same color as Lúthien's at a younger age. Once she was reminded of Goldilocks the step was not far to Merry Gamgee. By now Éowyn was sure; she was in love with him. And he felt the same way about her; she could tell when they were together. What she would do with her feelings when winter came she didn't know, but she didn't care right now. They had all summer, and she was not going to waste a second of it by thinking of winter. She didn't even care anymore that her family thought she was going with Faramir. All she cared about was getting to see Merry.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir looked over at his parents with curious eyes. The three of them were sitting in front of the fireplace, each one busy with his or her own task. Faramir's mother was mending her husband's favorite walking clothes while Faramir's father smoked his pipe and read some letters. In his lap Faramir had a pickaxe which needed a new handle and he was looking for a suiting piece of wood to replace it with. It was a normal evening at the Great Smials and Faramir was amazed at how quiet it was. His parents didn't talk much with each other, and Faramir rarely had much to say these days. Not too long ago he had always told his parents about his day when they sat by the fireplace, and they had shared the most interesting parts of theirs with him and with each other. Nowadays Faramir had nothing to tell. Nothing that his parents' ears could hear at least.

Pippin looked up from his letters and smiled when his eyes met his son's. He had been beaming with pride and joy ever since he had gotten convinced that Faramir was shyly courting Éowyn. Faramir never said a word about it, but Pippin had found out through Merry that the young Took came to Brandy Hall several times a week to go out riding with Éowyn. Adding that to the fact that Faramir seemed to spend most of his time lost in daydreams and that he was reluctant to share what he had been up to during the day with his parents made Pippin sure that there was a romance developing between the two. It was the best news Pippin or Merry could have hoped for, finally their children seemed to be finding their way into each other's arms, and without the assistance of their fathers.

Faramir looked away when he saw his father's smile. It made him feel a bit ashamed that his father was so happy about the unspoken relationship he thought Faramir had with Éowyn. But Faramir told himself that it was just for this summer and they weren't really lying anyway.

Pippin got up from his chair and went over to the desk in the corner of the room.

"There was something I was planning on giving you for my 70th birthday Faramir, only I never got a good opportunity this winter" he said.

"That was months ago" Faramir said. "You don't have to give anything to me now! You already got me something on your birthday."

"Nonsense" Pippin said. "If I want to give you something special then so I shall, even if it's a bit late."

Faramir looked at his mother, who shrugged her shoulders. She didn't have a clue what Pippin had in mind but once he had decided on something there was no stopping him. And right now he had decided to give something to his son.

"This was very special to me once…" he said and handed Faramir a soft parcel.

"It's an old cape" Faramir said, not really getting it.

"No, it's the cape I wore when I first left the Shire" Pippin said. "I loved this cape… It's seen a lot too. When I was far from home and I felt like there was only trouble in my heart, this cape helped bring me back home to the Shire, at least in my mind. Your grandmother made it for me when I was around twenty-six or so. I want you to have it now; I've been saving it for you ever since you were little."

"Father I don't know that I can accept this" Faramir said and looked at the cape.

"Really Peregrin, you shouldn't give him such old, moth eaten clothes!" Diamond said. "Sentimental value! Rubbish, I say!"

"Take it" Pippin said to Faramir, giving an icy glare to Diamond. "I saved it for you. Do as you wish with it, if you don't want it then save it for your children. Just don't let your mother get her hands on it, she would only burn it."

"I do appreciate the thought, Father…" Faramir said. "But I don't need another cape."

"It's your decision" Pippin said and walked back to his old seat.

Faramir sighed deeply and felt really bad. Obviously he had hurt his father's feelings, but he couldn't see what use he would have of an old, dirty cape. If his father really wanted to give him something special he could have given him the Elven cape.

"I was also going to give you my permission to move in to Crickhollow" Pippin said and stuck his pipe back in his mouth. "But now I've changed my mind."

"Crickhollow?" Faramir exclaimed and sat up straight. "Father I would love to go live there! Cordy is almost 24, we could live there together!"

"I said I changed my mind" Pippin said.

"Over an old cape?" Diamond said with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea" Pippin said. "Living there with Comradoc? He won't come of age for another ten years; he's far too young to move in there! At first I thought it would do you good Faramir to get to stand on your own two feet, but I don't want you living there on your own. And believe what you may, but this is not about the cape. It's just that I don't see any reason to entrust things dear to my heart to Faramir quite yet, for obviously he is not mature enough to appreciate them."

"Then it **is** about the cape" Diamond sighed.

Faramir didn't listen to their continued squabble. He was too excited at the idea of moving out to Crickhollow. Getting away from his parents would allow him more freedom, and more time to be with Goldilocks. They could even spend some time sitting in front of the fireplace together, or having a meal at a real table. Only problem would be Comradoc living there with them, but Faramir had longed to tell his best friend about the truth concerning his romance for quite some time now. Though his father was right, Cordy was perhaps a bit young. Even if Merry gave his okay Faramir knew Estella would object. There had to be some other way.

**XX  
XX**

"Live at Crickhollow with you?" Éowyn exclaimed, staring at Faramir with eyes wide open. "Faramir are you mad?"

"Just think of how wonderful it would be!" Faramir said. "We would have all the freedom in the world, you and Merry, me and Goldilocks…"

Éowyn wondered if the moment had finally come when her second-cousin had lost his mind completely. He had insisted on taking her out on this walk through the woods and she was thankful that they were too far away for anyone to overhear them. This was the most ridiculous idea she had heard in a long time.

"Faramir we cannot live together, what kind of impression would that make? Especially when people think we're infatuated!"

The smile finally left Faramir's face.

"You're right" Faramir said. "I didn't even think of that! I just don't see you that way, it made me forget that everyone else thinks I do."

"I do like the idea as such" Éowyn said. "If we had Crickhollow we would have more freedom. But you and I both know uncle Pippin won't let you live there on your own. And how would we be able to keep our secret from whichever brother of mine would be living there too?"

"I've been thinking about that, and I want to tell Cordy."

"Tell Cordy?" Éowyn exclaimed. "Out of the question! You **are** out of your mind! How are we going to be able to keep my brother quiet?"

"I don't like having secrets from my best friend."

"You made that choice a year ago; you have three other Hobbits who trust you not to bring this secret to someone else. I forbid you to tell Cordy! He would not understand!"

"But what if he does?"

"What if the snake had legs? Faramir it is hard enough keeping this secret between the four of us. Telling a fifth only makes it harder! And if you get to tell your best friend then why shouldn't the rest of us get to? And then all of a sudden we have eight Hobbits who know!"

"But we know we can trust your brother."

"Not as far as we can throw him, that lad speaks before he thinks. How long before he gives us away by accident?"

"No, not when it's important!" Faramir insisted. "He can keep it to himself if he has to."

"Faramir we don't even know that he would want to" Éowyn said. "He might very well tell us to come clean to our fathers or he will do it for us. We only have a few more months, why can't you keep your mouth shut?"

"Fine" Faramir said. "I won't tell him."

"Good" Éowyn said.

**XX  
XX**

July that year came with good weather and a warm sun. A lot of Hobbits spent most their time outdoors, yet it was surprisingly easy for the four youngsters to find secluded areas to meet. There was a small meadow by the Brandywine River, ten kilometers from the Brandywine Bridge, where few people went. It was really more of a glade in the woods which led all the way down to the water, making it a bit difficult to get down there but well worth it in the end. Merry and Goldilocks would make their way through the woods while Éowyn and Faramir took a boat down the river. The meadow came right by a corner of the river, so the glade was not visible to anyone further up or down the river. It was the perfect place.

At first they preferred to meet up and then go their separate ways, one couple staying on the meadow and the other going for a walk in the woods. Merry and Goldilocks were not entirely comfortable at first with seeing their sibling together with their love interest, but by and by the four of them got more comfortable around each other. Every now and then they would spend a few minutes together all four of them before going their separate ways.

"Do you ever recall summer being this lovely?" Éowyn asked Merry with a content sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked together through the woods.

"I haven't noticed the summer yet" Merry answered. "I've had far more lovely things to occupy my mind with."

Éowyn smiled and gave him a kiss. He was so gentle, she loved that about him. Some of his father's poetic side had made its way into him, but he was a bit embarrassed whenever he tried to use it. She thought it was endearing, and she loved how sensible he was, so different from all the other lads who had tried to get her attention over the years. He was never bragging about himself, always primarily concerned with how she was doing, and when he spoke of his love for animals there was a passion in his eyes which Éowyn felt made him look more alive than any of the overly active wildheads she had known. And above all, he didn't treat her as a price to be won, or as a person consisting only of a fair exterior. He cared about her for who she was on the inside; no lad had ever even cared what her personality was like before. He made her feel like she would be worth the world to him even if her face was as ugly as a troll's, she had never believed in that before. It was good to know her beauty was trivial.

They walked back out in the glade and heard Faramir and Goldilocks before they saw them.

"See? Didn't I tell you?" Faramir's voice cried happily, and Goldilocks shrieked in response.

Merry came to a halt when he finally saw them, not on the meadow but in the Brandywine River. Goldilocks was doing her best to stay above water, trying to learn how to swim, while Faramir waited a few meters away to grab a hold of her when she had swam the distance.

"I can't believe it!" Merry gasped to Éowyn. "He got her in the water! Nobody has ever managed to get her in the water since Hamfast drowned!"

"Never underestimate the power of love" Éowyn smiled and wrapped her arms around Merry from behind. "I bet he was planning this too, look, he's in his swimsuit."

"She is not however" Merry said. "How are we ever going to be able to explain this?"

"Give her an hour and she'll be much dryer. And if not, just tell your mother she fell into the water."

"Mother will never believe that."

"It's true though" Éowyn said with a smile.

Merry doubted the excuse would work, but he didn't bother to think about it anymore right now. All the Gamgee children knew how to swim; Sam had insisted on it since Ham's death, Goldilocks was the only exception. She had seen her brother fall into the Brandywine and drown, nothing anybody had to say had ever been able to convince her to go into the water. She was scared of the river, and didn't even like Faramir traveling on it by boat, which was why he had decided to cure her of her fear.

"I don't think I will forget this sight for as long as I live" Merry said. "I'm glad my sister is finally learning how to swim. Even if it took this secret arrangement to make it happen."

**XX  
XX**

"A picnic basket!" Faramir exclaimed. "Goldilocks you are by far the loveliest!"

Goldilocks smiled and received his thankful kiss with joy. She had gotten sick and tired of always being hungry when she met with him, nobody ever brought any food and they often spent a few hours together at a time. This time she had decided to bring a picnic basket, though it had been difficult to fill it with enough food for four without anybody raising an eyebrow.

"I only have one basket" she said to Éowyn. "We're going to have to meet up and eat together. Should we say in an hour?"

Éowyn nodded. The four of them had met up on a different spot than usual today, since the sky was filled with clouds and most Hobbits stayed indoors. As lovely as the glade was it took them a while to get there and meeting someplace closer to the main road saved them some time.

"Should we meet here?" Merry asked. "We can eat here by the edge of the cornfield. The Farmer Maggot doesn't come here a lot, right?"

"He usually doesn't" Faramir said. "A lot of young Hobbits around here come to this spot to have some time alone with their beau. Farmer Maggot knows this and mostly allows them some privacy. Goldilocks you take the basket, Merry and Éowyn we'll see you in an hour."

An hour later the four of them began working their way through the basket. Everybody ate with good appetite, save for Goldilocks who was concerned someone might see them together. Faramir's assurance that Farmer Maggot rarely came there didn't make her feel any better, the fact that it was commonly known that young lovers came to this spot made her look over her shoulder once a minute. If anybody did see them it would be hard to keep their secret, nobody would believe the four of them just came there to have a picnic.

"Would you relax?" Faramir said when she jumped three feet in the air when he put his arm around her shoulder. "Nothing is going to happen."

"Shh!" Merry said. "Do you hear something?"

The four of them sharpened their ears. Indeed it did sound like someone was coming. Goldilocks flew to her feet.

"Oh no!" she whispered. "What do we do now?"

"Get in to the cornfield!" Éowyn said. "We can hide there!"

"But what about the picnic?" Merry asked.

"Merry how can you be thinking about food right now?" his sister asked and hurried in amongst the corn.

"We can't just leave it here, whoever it is will wonder!"

"You're right" Faramir said. "You go hide with your sister, Éowyn and I stay here."

Quickly Merry fled into the cornfield. Éowyn brushed the crumbs off her skirt and hated herself for not daring to stand up for her affection. But in the end neither of them was willing to risk as much as they would be risking just for a summer's fling. None of them dared to admit even to themselves that it was unrealistic to label it a summer fling; it had lasted more than a year now. Éowyn looked at Faramir and knew he was thinking the same thing she was. Whoever saw them now would put more wood to the fire that was the rumor that the two of them were together. They didn't like this dishonesty but it was too late now.

"It's our fathers!" Éowyn gasped when she heard the approaching Hobbits' voices. "What are they doing here?"

"Relax" Faramir said. "Ouch, what did you pinch me for?"

"Goldilocks' hat!" Éowyn said and nodded to the left behind hat on the blanket. "Father knows that isn't mine! What do we do now?"

Faramir grabbed a hold of her.

"I'm going to kiss you" he said. "Just pretend I'm your beau."

She closed her eyes and pretended, while he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. She kissed him back, hoping that it would look real enough and not like they were uncomfortable. A second later Pippin and Merry rounded the cornfield on their ponies and noticed the pair. The two shared a slightly startled look, but Pippin then smiled wide.

"Should we bother them?" he mouthed to his cousin.

"Lovely day for a picnic!" Merry said to Éowyn and Faramir.

The two broke their kiss and both of them looked away with blushing cheeks. Éowyn was thankful they would believe that their awkwardness came from having been seen by their fathers more than from having kissed with their beaus probably close enough to see them.

"I'm sorry" Faramir said and looked down at his hands while he let go of Éowyn.

"Just don't do anything you shouldn't" Pippin said. "And be home in time for dinner."

"Actually I'm glad we found you Faramir" Merry said. "We have decided to let you and Comradoc move in to Crickhollow. Though not until next spring, I still think Cordy's a little young. And just over summer."

"That sounds wonderful!" Faramir and lit up.

"But you won't be visiting at all hours of the day, young lady" Merry said to his daughter. "People might start to talk."

Éowyn nodded but didn't dare to look at her father. She grabbed Faramir's hands, feeling a bit better knowing that he was in the same situation she was.

"Have a good day now" Pippin said with a grin and rode off together with Merry.

Faramir and Éowyn looked at each other and held their breaths until their fathers were out of sight. Then Faramir whistled and the other two Hobbits came out from their hiding spot. Éowyn quickly let go of Faramir and clung to Merry instead. Faramir picked up Goldilocks hat and gave it back to her. At least their fathers had been so occupied with the sight of him and Éowyn kissing that they hadn't noticed the hat.

"I think we should go home now" he said. "I've had enough excitement for one day."

**XX  
XX**

The next time they met up at the glade, feeling much safer there. When the sun began to set the four of them gathered on the meadow, all of them thinking about their picnic which could have led to them being discovered by Pippin and Merry.

Faramir stretched out in the grass and stared at the clouds, trying to forget about the talk he had had with his father when he came home that evening. Pippin had told him that he was much proud of him for his choice, the only request he had was that Faramir made sure to treat Éowyn appropriately. No more picnics at known romantic meeting points, they could meet at the Smials if they wanted to. Faramir certainly didn't want to.

Goldilocks gave him a pat on the knee to get his attention. She was sitting between his spread out legs on the ground, tugging up grass with the roots, and now she wanted to know what he was thinking. Merry and Éowyn, sitting close together next to them, were also interested in hearing what was on Faramir's mind. He seemed to be the most preoccupied one of them all.

"I want you to tell me what is on your mind, sweet cheeks" Goldilocks said.

"I'm thinking about the future" Faramir said. "I know we said we wouldn't, but I had a talk with my Father the other day and it made me realize something. They expect us now to be openly a pair at parties, gatherings or just whenever our families meet, Éowyn. When the next party comes they will expect to see us sitting together, dancing together, you know, being an item."

"I think you should tell them you don't feel that way about each other" Goldilocks said. "I know they think you do, but you could tell them those feelings ended. The longer you play that charade the harder it will be to put an end to it. And you don't want to be forced to act in love even when these romances are just a memory."

"My father wants me to get married" Faramir said. "I am almost 30 now, I am old enough. I fear we have complicated things by acting like we're smittened with each other Éowyn. Instead of our fathers arranging a marriage for us they will expect me to ask you to marry me. I don't want to have to go through life pretending to be in love with you when I'm not."

"You will marry each other?" Goldilocks said.

"Yes, most likely" Faramir said. "The people we were named after are married, our fathers have gotten it into their heads that we should marry too. Ever since my birth they have planned on arranging marriage between us if we don't find love elsewhere soon enough. And where does that leave you and me, Goldilocks?"

"I don't see how it makes a difference" Goldilocks said. "You will marry some Took or Brandybuck or Banks, this thing between us is just for now."

"I feel the four of us are friends" Faramir said. "I wonder what will happen to that friendship when you and Merry see Éowyn and I married."

"Maybe you won't be" Merry said. "If you tell your fathers you fell out of love they won't force you to marry."

"I believe otherwise" Faramir said. "I wonder, will you still be my friend Merry if you see Éowyn carrying my child?"

"Faramir!" Éowyn exclaimed. "That's going a bit too… personal!"

"I don't see why you have to marry out of an arrangement" Goldilocks said and tried to fight back the tears that she for some reason felt coming. "A marriage is something you enter out of love!"

"Don't be ridiculous" Faramir said. "Our families have married out of practical reasons rather than love for generations and generations. The romantic love you feel on your wedding day might be gone after a few years. That kind of love is fleeting. The love that grows after marriage lasts longer."

"How can you have arranged marriages?" Goldilocks said. "I understand that you cannot marry the first Delvering that comes your way but don't you want to find someone of the right status to love?"

"Some do" Éowyn said. "If I fall in love with someone from an acceptable family then we are more than welcome to get married. But our parents can also arrange a marriage for us; make sure we get a good party."

"That sounds terrible" Merry said.

"My parents were an arranged match" Faramir said. "At least I think so. They don't seem like they were young lovers at least."

"What do you mean?" Éowyn said. "I always thought they married because they fell in love."

"I used to think so when I was younger" Faramir said. "But looking at them now… They don't seem to have any romantic feelings for one another; they seem more like… like a pair of horses in front of the same cart. They belong together and shouldn't be parted. But love?"

"They're always so sweet with one another" Goldilocks said, unable to remember a single time she had seen Faramir's parents together and questioned that they were in love.

"They're very fond of each other" Faramir said. "But I have my doubts. For one thing I have no siblings! If they were in love you'd think they'd have a lot of children. But they had me, an heir, and then no other children."

"My parents have an arranged marriage" Éowyn said. "Mother was actually in love with someone else when the arrangement was made."

"Your poor mother!" Goldilocks gasped. "I mean, not that she's married to your father, but that she had to give up someone she loved!"

"I never knew that" Faramir said. "Who was he?"

"I don't know, nobody likes to talk about it" Éowyn said. "Father fell in love with Mother and made up his mind, he was going to have her. And he got his way."

"Without any regards to the other lad?" Merry asked.

"My mother cared for my father when they were married" Éowyn said. "She is practical. She knew she might fall out of love with the other lad someday and a marriage with my father was a great arrangement. And I know she loves him now, she misses him so much whenever he's gone. Arranged marriages can work out wonderfully, I'm not worried about that being my future."

"But do you think it will be with Faramir?" Goldilocks asked.

"I assume it will be" Éowyn said. "Unless our fathers change their minds, in which case I'm fairly certain my sister will take my place as Madam Took. But an arrangement between us Faramir might not be so bad. We'll both know where the other stands."

"Maybe" Faramir said. "But truth be told I'm not entirely comfortable with the thought of having children with you. That's my father's main concern right now, that I marry and have an heir. You feel like a sister to me Éowyn; I can't quite see you as the mother of my children."

"I'm cold" Goldilocks said and shivered in the quite warm evening.

Faramir sat up and put his arms around her, gently rubbing her arms to warm her up. He had a feeling it was not so much the temperature in the air but the subject at hand that made her feel cold. It must be hard for her hearing him speak with Éowyn about having children together. He knew he would be jealous if he heard talk about her having a family with some other lad. Although they kept playing their game of their whole affair being nothing but a physical attraction they both knew that it went deeper than that. When Faramir closed his eyes and pictured his future children the mother's face was always Goldilocks'.

Goldilocks couldn't bring herself to look at him right now. His protective arms were around her and his warm breath was in her ear, it felt comforting to be leaned back in his arms. But they were living on borrowed, or rather stolen time. He never had been hers and he never would be. Reality was much harder to deal with than she could have ever imagined.

**XX  
XX**

"I don't know why your sister has become so secretive lately" Merry said to Théodoc while they were lifting blankets up on a cart. "She never used to have trouble talking to me. I guess there comes a point when daughters need rather turn to their mothers than their fathers."

"Has she talked to Mother?" Théo asked.

"Not that I know of" Merry admitted. "I was hoping she would have talked to you though. Not that I wish for you to betray her confidence, but I wouldn't mind getting some confirmation that this thing with Faramir is getting serious."

"She hasn't said anything to me about Faramir" Théo said and jumped up on the cart next to Merry. "I can tell that something is different about her but I honestly don't believe that it's Faramir. She would have told us if it were."

"She won't talk to me, or her mother, and she's not talking to you…" Merry said. "What is she so embarrassed about? She knows I love Faramir and would happily welcome him as a son-in-law."

"If this is about Faramir then perhaps the problem is that she doesn't want the pressure of you and uncle Pippin" Théo suggested. "But I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you. There's nothing that really points to them being involved."

"Aside from kissing at that spot by Farmer Maggot's corn where all the infatuated youngsters go" Merry said with an eyebrow raised at his son.

"What?" Théo said. "Where did you get that idea?"

"Pippin and I saw them" Merry said.

Théo mulled over this for a moment. He had always been very close with his sister and thought she told him everything. But he hadn't heard this. It made him wonder why she would keep it from him when she knew that their father knew about it.

Merry halted the cart and leapt down to the ground. Théo took the reins while his father gathered some of the blankets and went inside the small house they had stopped by. Théo frowned and thanked his lucky star this was not his home. The house was small and needed to be repaired, and so did the small stables nearby. He thought he could sense a fowl smell in the air, but perhaps that was just his imagination.

His mind was back on his sister when Marco Delvering, one of Chet's friends, came out of the stables with his arms full of hay. Marco stopped and looked at Théo and then snorted.

"Too fine to even step down from the cart, are we?" he said.

Théo didn't answer. He was more comfortable up on the cart than having to stand next to the pony on the ground, but he refused to acknowledge to a HAM that he was uncomfortable too close to a pony's teeth.

Marco snorted again, spit on the ground and continued off with the hay. A lass came out from the stables, looking as in need of a freshening up as the surroundings, and she seized Théo with her eyes.

"Aren't you one of them Brandybuck brats?" she asked.

"What's it to you?" Théo asked.

"I don't want you here" she said. "You can just take that fancy cart of yours and head in another direction. Don't you have golden coins to count?"

"Don't be ridiculous" Théo said, wondering what he would say if she knew he had been helping the Brandy Hall blacksmith out when his father had asked him to go with him on this drive.

"Didn't you hear me?" she said and stepped closer, noticing how nervous Théo was around the pony and startling the animal intentionally. "I said get out of here!"

"I'm waiting for my father" Théo said, trying his best to keep the pony still. "I am not going until he gets back."

Before she could answer the door the house opened and Merry came out, this time without the blankets. He nodded a greeting to the lass, who was anything but glad to see him, and got up on the cart. While Théo was handing over the reins to Merry the lass took the opportunity to startle the pony again.

"Whoa!" Merry cried and halted the stirring pony. "Careful now miss, you're frightening the pony."

"I suggest you take your ponies and your charities and be gone!" she said acidly. "And let us decent Hobbits live our lives alone!"

Merry looked at Théo with sheer surprise in his eyes. None of the HAMs had ever talked to him that way before.

"Come on Daisy" Marco said, coming back from wherever he had left the hay. He grabbed her by the arm and led her inside, not quite ready to take on the Master himself just yet. "Go inside and milk the cow!"

Merry clicked his tongue at the pony and Théo kept in a sigh of relief as they headed off to the next house they were going to stop at. Merry shook his head at the whole thing and wondered what had gotten into this lass.

"She obviously woke up on the wrong side of her bed this morning" he said.

"Father I think she woke up on the wrong side of her bed this **life**" Théo said. "They're always like that, those HAMs… Though I've never heard any of them talk that way to you before. She seems angry, that lass."

"You'd think she'd show some gratitude that we brought them those blankets" Merry said. "Obviously she's got a lot of pride. That seems to be getting in her way."

"He called her Daisy… I wonder if that's the Daisy Bluebell Aramac and Cordy were talking about" Théo said.

"No, Delverings live in that house" Merry said.

Théo shuddered at the thought of there being yet another lass with a fowl mouth voicing her displeasure in public. If this lass was fowl even with Merry then Théo sure didn't want to see much of her.

**XX  
XX**

That evening Théo went to find his sister, who was mending her favourite riding outfit. He wanted to ask her about what she had going on with Faramir and hoped she would open up to him. It hurt him that she didn't feel like she could talk to him, all their lives he had been there for her no matter what. She was still the only Hobbit he felt completely comfortable around, she and to some degree his uncle Fatty. He wanted to mean as much to her as she meant to him.

"Éowyn" he said. "I was wondering if we could talk."

"Certainly" she said and nodded at the stool next to her. "Have a seat. What do you want to talk to me about?"

"I was actually hoping you would talk to me" he said and sat down. "About what's really going on… with you and Faramir… You know that you can talk to me about anything. Father is hoping you will tell us you are engaged soon yet you have hardly said two words about it to anyone of us. Won't you tell me what is really happening? Are you really in love with Faramir?"

To his great surprise, and Éowyn's own, she began to cry. With a startled look on his face Théo moved closer and clumsily hugged his sister.

"Éomie…" he said, using his own private nickname for her. "What's the matter?"

"I don't know" she said. "I just feel so lost…"

He held her while she cried, but didn't get any information out of her. He couldn't understand why his favourite sister was closing up like this. But if all he could do for her right now was to hold her when she wept then he would do so.

**XX  
XX**

"You are awfully quiet today" Goldilocks said and gently stroke Faramir's cheek. "Is there something the matter?"

"Goldie…" he said. "When winter is over and it's springtime again… I want to see you."

"Of course" she said. "We will always continue to meet, it would be hard to avoid with our families being so close."

"No, I meant that I want to see you the way I'm seeing you now."

Goldilocks shook her head.

"Faramir don't do this. We agreed, one summer!"

"That summer wasn't enough; we are here this summer again. What's to say we won't feel the same way next spring?"

"Last summer was not a full summer, this year--"

"Goldilocks come on, enough with the games" Faramir said. "Enough with pretending we're just testing our limits. No more pretending that we are just interested in a few stolen kisses. Enough with the excuses!"

Goldilocks swallowed hard. She was scared of where this conversation might lead.

"I felt strongly about you last year, even stronger now and probably I'll feel stronger still next year" Faramir said. "Should we ignore that? For what?"

"This cannot go on" Goldilocks said, stunned by the turn of events that she was now the reasonable one and he the one who disregarded consequence. "We both know that someday it will have to end."

"Someday but not in three weeks when summer is over."

"What do you suggest we do?" she asked. "Keep this secret romance? For how long? Until you stand there placing a wedding ring on Éowyn's finger?"

"All I'm saying is that we know our time is limited, why limit it even more? I don't want to look back at these years when I'm older, wondering why I didn't hold on to you for as long as I could! I don't want to have any regrets!"

"That's easy for you to say" she said. "I am not some toy you can just cast aside when a marriage is arranged."

"And I would never treat you as such!" Faramir said. "But our whole love affair has been a game of hide and seek, that much you knew as well as I did from the start. I am not saying you should be my entertainment until a better party is arranged, I am simply saying that I don't want to put an end to this before I have to!"

"You will make us both miserable" Goldilocks said.

"I know what you're thinking, I've been thinking that same thing for a long time" Faramir said. "Fear has told me not to give you too much of my heart, but somehow I did anyway. I can't forget that I love you just by sweeping it under the rug that is winter!"

Goldilocks didn't say anything. She had never heard him say that he loved her before. Neither of them had spoken such words, it had been part of a silent agreement that if their romance was going to work under the circumstances that were neither could get to admit that it was more than a casual fling.

"There is no future for us" he said bluntly. "You and I will never be together for real. I do wish that I could be there for you for as long as you'd let me, but I can't. But don't you think we will both regret it next summer if neither of us is attached to someone else yet we're not spending our time together?"

"I don't want to get too attached" Goldilocks said. "It hurts too much."

"It does hurt" Faramir said. "Darling I just fear it will hurt ten times more to know we've thrown away time that can be spent together. Who knows what time we do have? Will we only have time as long as seconds in eternity? Do we really want to waste what little time we have?"

"It's too risky" she said. "Look what this has done to us! We go behind our friends and families' back! We're putting a lot at stake in order to nurture feelings we will only have to crush someday! I look at my brother, he is in anxiety whenever he's parted from Éowyn for too long, I don't want to feel that strongly about you! I don't know that this passion is worth it."

"I cannot offer you anything" Faramir said. "Not even my unending love. All I have is right now and all you have to give me is next year."

"Perhaps we shouldn't talk about this now" Goldilocks said. "After all we have a long winter ahead of us first. Maybe we won't feel the same next year."

"Maybe not. But one winter was not enough to cure me of this love, why should one more do the trick?"

"I don't want you to say that you love me" she said. "Please, I can't forget about you if I think you love me."

"But I do" he said. "It's a cursed love for it will only bring me misery. But I can't look back on it knowing that it could have given me happiness for a longer time than it did."

"We should never have given in to our impulses and kissed in the first place" she said.

"I'm not sorry" he said. "Goldilocks… It does not matter to me now that things would have been so much easier if we'd never flirted with each other. None of that matters. We're in the waters we are in and although we cannot reach the shore together we could at least help each other swim."

"I don't even know what you mean by that" Goldilocks said. "Faramir I make no secret anymore of that I think about you all the time. I hear your name ringing in my head a thousand times a day, your kisses still burn me hours after you give me them, I--"

"Say that you love me" Faramir said.

"No."

"Say you do. And all the rest won't matter."

She looked at him with unhappy eyes. If she admitted to loving him then there would be no turning back. They could be blissfully happy for another summer if they were lucky but sooner or later she would have to watch him marry someone else. She didn't want to do that knowing that he loved her or she loved him. She wanted to see him only as an old flame when he got married. Anything else would be too painful. It was impossible to love someone she could never fully own. Her emotions felt like they were borrowed from whoever was going to be his wife, be it Éowyn or someone else. And above all she didn't want him to be too in love with her to be able to be happy with the lass he was wed to. He had always been out of reach and too good for her, the best she had to offer him was letting him be able to love someone else.

"I do not love you" she said. "You are nothing but a fling to me. I care for you, I do, but it's not love. It never was and it never will be."

"I see" he said and looked away with pain written all over his face. "I'm sorry to hear that. If it is the truth and you do not care for me then I shan't ask you to throw away your youth on me. I do have one condition though and that is that it all ends today."

Tears were burning, wanting to roll down her cheeks, but she held them back. She was not prepared to lose him today, she had her heart set on another few weeks with him before she said goodbye forever.

"There's something I want you to know though" he said. "I am no longer doubting that I've done the right thing being with you this summer. I would rather have been found out by my father that day by the cornfield than having lived my whole life without having held you close and heard the sound of your heartbeat."

The tears finally began to fall down Goldilocks' cheeks. She threw her arms around Faramir, unable to let him go.

"And I would rather break my heart in a hundred pieces then let you walk away from me before our summer is over" she finally admitted. "I cannot lie to you anymore… I do love you."

He held her tight and sighed with relief. The battle of strength was finally over. From this moment on they had no more worries and no more regrets. All they had was a moment at a time and they spent them as if their whole lives would be that way. When the time came they would know to part but that time was not there yet.

"If all of life is a journey…" Faramir said. "And love is a path you can choose to take… If so then this one thing is true, I shall never regret having followed that path with you, even if it's only for a few steps."

He held her until she finally had no more tears to cry. They might not have tomorrow but at least they had today.

**XXX**

**XXX**

**XXX**

Thanks for reading!


	33. 1461

**Author's Note**: Happy New Year everybody! A few days in advance, but still… I'm back with more of a dramatic chapter. Not one of my better ones, I spent ages trying to draft it out but never managed to include what I wanted… So it's a bit of a mix and match part but as usual I hope it will be understandable. I tried throwing in a few more of the Gamgee children this time around, mostly just as brief mentionings but I figured it might be fun.

**Disclaimer**: Okay I'm gonna stop putting these in, everybody knows what's mine (some characters) and what's not (everything else) anyhow…

**XXX  
XXX  
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"I wonder where this weather came from Bill" Sam said to his pony, having to raise his voice just to hear himself over the roaring sound of the rain. "The sun was shining just a moment ago!"

He had been out riding, heading back from a meeting with the shriffs, when suddenly the skies had opened up and let a heavy rain fall. He was soaked already, but luckily he wouldn't have to ride all the way back to Bag End in this weather. He headed for the cottage that had been built in the glade, thankful for Pippin's bright idea to build it.

When he reached the cottage the first thing he did was make sure his pony Bill, named after the pony which had been Sam's favorite, got sheltered in the stables. But when he opened the stable doors he found four ponies tied up there already, leaving no room for Bill. Sam just stared at the ponies for a moment, unable to understand where they had come from. If there were intruders in the cottage he would show them whose pony they were leaving out in the rain.

Inside the cottage nobody was bothered by the heavy rain. Young Merry and Éowyn were curled up on one of the beds, they had been whispering secrets to each other but with the loud noise of the rain it was hard to hear what the other was saying so they had resorted to kissing instead. By the table in the other end of the room Faramir sat on a chair with Goldilocks in his lap, making each other laugh by doing silly faces.

This year, like the year before, they had continued their secret romances. Only this time around nobody even pretended it was only going to last until winter. They had given up all thought of what would happen later on, only enjoying the time they now had at hand. Merry and Éowyn had even kept their romance alive over winter by writing each other letters, letters which they made absolutely sure no one else cold get their hands on. It was now the third week of August and by now they had come up with the idea to hide away in the old cottage. Nobody used it save for Tooks, Brandybucks and Gamgees and nobody would think it strange to find the four of them there. After all, they could all have just been out riding and decided to stay and talk at the cottage.

Neither of them heard the door open over the roaring rain, but they all heard it slam shut.

"What is the meaning of all this?" Sam roared, unable to believe his eyes.

All four of them jumped high into the air when they heard his voice. Merry and Éowyn sat up and moved apart as fast as if they had burnt themselves on each other. Neither they nor Faramir and Goldilocks dared to look at Sam. They were found out!

"What are you doing kissing her?" Sam asked his son furiously. "And what are you doing in his lap?" he asked his daughter. "What is all this?"

Nobody answered him. Nobody knew what to say. Goldilocks dug her fingers into Faramir's arm, scared of what would happen now. All she knew for sure was that she had lost him now, it was all over. Éowyn covered her mouth with her hand and didn't dare to look at Merry, who tried to catch her eye for a second before moving even further apart from her.

"Out you go, all of you!" Sam commanded and opened the door. "On your ponies, we are going to Bag End **now**! Whatever this is, it ends right this moment! **Move it**!"

Éowyn obediently flew to her feet and rushed outside to get her pony. Goldilocks followed, resisting the urge to grab the hand of Faramir, who was right behind her. Merry followed in their tracks, for the first time truly scared of his father. Whatever awaited them now it surely wasn't going to be pleasant.

**XX  
XX**

"Bilbo!" Sam roared when he opened the door to Bag End and waved the four shameful youngsters inside. "Robin!"

The two youngest Gamgee sons appeared in the doorway leading to the kitchen.

"You do not need to yell" Robin said.

"Bilbo ride to the Smials and get Thain Peregrin! Robin, you go the Hall and get Master Meriadoc! Tell them to get here as fast as they can, it concerns their children."

"It's pouring down rain outside" Bilbo said. "Can it wait?"

"I said **now**!"

Robin and Bilbo quickly disappeared in search for their capes. The other four youngsters shivered in their wet clothes and wondered what was to be expected now.

"In to Mister Bilbo's old study you go, all of you, right now!" Sam commanded. "Frodo! Where are you?"

Frodo, his wife and both Roses appeared in the same doorway Bilbo and Robin had. They all looked at Sam and the guilt stricken foursome in surprise.

"Frodo go with them to Mister Bilbo's old study" Sam ordered. "Keep them quiet!"

Frodo looked surprised and unwilling to leave his meal, but did as he was told. Rose hurried over and took her daughter's cape off.

"Oh poor darlings, you are soaking wet!" she said.

"Leave them" Sam said. "They have other things to worry about."

Rose hesitated, but the look on her husband's face made her turn and go back into the kitchen. Young Rosie and Frodo's wife Rosa shared a confused look but went back to their meals. Frodo led his siblings and their two companions to the study which had belonged to Bilbo Baggins and told them to sit down. He leaned against the desk and eyed the quartet, wondering what on earth they had gotten into.

"Oh my…" Merry sighed and hid his face in his hands. "This is bad…"

"Our fathers will be furious" Éowyn whispered, shivering more from the shock of having been found out so abruptly than from the cold.

Faramir put an arm around Goldilocks' shoulders, but when he saw the surprised look on Frodo's face he quickly drew his arm back.

"Frodo where did Gaff go?" Goldilocks asked her brother. "He's so angry…"

"I don't know" Frodo said. "Don't try to lighten your heart to me Goldilocks; I don't want to be involved in whatever this is. I'll tell you this though… I've never seen our father so angry."

Faramir sighed heavily and hid his face in his hands, just like Merry. If he could at least get a moment to talk to the others before having to face their fathers he would feel a whole lot better. But with Frodo standing guard there was no opportunity to talk.

Frodo wondered what on earth his siblings had done to bring this on. He could half expect Goldilocks to get into some form of trouble, but Merry had always been the most well behaved out of all the Gamgee children. And he couldn't quite figure out what the two of them would have in cahoots with Faramir and Éowyn.

Goldilocks rocked back and forth, biting her lower lip. She wondered what could possibly be taking her father so long. Part of her feared the second he would walk through the door, part of her just wanted to get it over with. Waiting was the hardest part. Her mind had time to wander in all kinds of directions. Would their father tell Pippin and Merry what he had found when they arrived or would he tell them in front of the guilty parties? How much had he really seen? And how would she be able to look anyone in the eye after this?

It seemed like they had to wait forever until Sam entered the room. He looked very grim and told them to follow him. Frodo was sent off to get himself something to eat; Merry looked longingly in the direction his brother was heading. He was starving, but he knew he couldn't count on getting anything to eat for a long while yet.

Sam opened the door to his own study and herded them inside, telling them to sit down. While they sat down Sam went inside the room as well and closed the door firmly. He had told Rosie and the other children that they were not to disturb them, before long they would know everything anyway but right now Sam didn't want them running about. It was hard enough as it was without any interruptions.

Faramir immediately saw his father, and the furious look on his face told him that Sam had filled them in already. He had never seen his father this angry before, but he hoped he would be able to talk to him. He couldn't imagine there being anything his father couldn't forgive him for at the end of the day, but he could tell he had disappointed him greatly.

Éowyn saw her father as well, flung up on a desk, sporting a look she couldn't read. He stared at the wall, as if unable to look at her, and it made her feel scared. She had always been his special child, for the first time she realized how betrayed he must feel at the whole thing.

"Is it true?" Pippin asked, the first to speak. "I have never in my life known Sam to lie to me, but I never thought my son would either. So which is it, true or not?"

Nobody answered him. Faramir didn't dare to, and the others found relief in that the question had been aimed at someone else. Merry Gamgee glanced over at Faramir and wondered if he would admit only to what Sam had seen today, or if he would tell them everything. Merry hoped he would tell them as little as possible, somehow it would all seem less bad if it had just been a single incident.

"Well?" Pippin said. "**Answer me**!"

"I don't know what Sam has told you but I'm guessing it's true" Faramir said.

"What kind of answer is that? Are you or are you not involved with Goldilocks?"

"I am" Faramir whispered.

"And you!" Sam said to his son. "Are you involved with Éowyn? Behind our backs?"

Young Merry couldn't bring himself to answer, he just nodded.

"I have never heard of anything so disgraceful!" Sam exclaimed. "How could you do that? Have you no honor in you? And you!" he said, turned to Goldilocks. "What do you have to say in all of this?"

"I'm sorry" Goldilocks whispered.

"I don't even have any words for it" Pippin said with anger and stared at the ceiling for a moment. Then he turned his eyes to his son. "I knew you were prone to playing with fire when it comes to romance but I never expected that you were capable of sinking so low! How long? For how long has this been going on?" Nobody answered him. "I want **answers**!"

"It's just been during the summers" Éowyn said.

"Summer**s**? As in more than one?" Sam asked.

"This is the third" Goldilocks unhappily admitted.

"**Third**?" Sam spat out. "My word! Do you not have **any **decency in you?"

He looked at Merry and Pippin with his mouth gaping, slowly shaking his head back and forth. Pippin looked back at him, every bit as shocked. Merry still looked at the wall, but his jaw was far more clenched now than it had been.

"You think you know your children…" Pippin said. "Turns out you don't have a clue. Three summers!"

"I cannot believe what my children have done" Sam said to his friends. "I am so sorry for this! You must hate them for this dishonor!"

"Our children were just as good partners in crime" Pippin said with a look at his son that could kill. "Birds of a feather. The dishonor is theirs just as much. We should be the ones apologizing to you, Sam."

He looked over at his cousin and realized Merry was not about to open his mouth for a good while yet. His silence seemed to be as frightening to Éowyn as Pippin and Sam's anger were to their children. But this interrogation would take far too long, Pippin wanted answers right now. And he wanted them from his own child, without Éowyn and Merry Gamgee present. A look at Sam told him he was thinking the same thing. Sam opened the door to the study.

"Pippin!" he barked.

After less than a minute Pippin Gamgee showed up, looking a bit scared that he would be brought in for questioning or placed in some other form of discomfort.

"You stay here until Frodo has eaten and comes back. Keep them quiet!"

The lad nodded but obviously had no idea what was going on. His Took namesake told Faramir and Goldilocks to come with them and left together with Sam. Merry got up from his seat and walked out of the room as well, off to find some secluded place to think.

"Father!" Éowyn cried after him, wishing he would at least say something. But he closed the door behind him without a word. "Oh this is bad…" Éowyn said and burst into tears.

"What is going on?" young Pippin asked.

"None of your business!" his brother growled.

"Merry what do we do?" Éowyn sobbed. "My father cannot even look at me!"

"I'll never be able to look him in the eye again" Merry said, sounding even more scared than Éowyn was. "I have shamed his favorite daughter! He is never going to forgive me for this, never! Though it's not the easiest way to go I can't see you anymore after tonight. I guess I've always known that…"

"You're talking crazy" Éowyn said. "You didn't do this on your own."

"Be quiet" Pippin said. "Both of you."

"From this day we have to forget about ever feeling something for each other" Merry whispered.

**XX  
XX**

"I don't know whether to slap you over the head or throw you in some prison" Pippin barked before Sam had even closed the door to Bilbo's old study which they were back in. "I don't know what you were thinking Faramir but there are no excuses!"

"It was not all his fault" Goldilocks objected. "I am as much to blame!"

"You're damn straight you are" Sam said. "This whole thing makes me sick! Going behind everybody's back for **three years**!"

"Please oh please tell me you haven't done anything more to her than kiss her" Pippin said to his son.

"I would never!" Faramir said, offended by the accusation. "You know I wouldn't!"

"There are a lot of things I thought you'd never do."

"Goldilocks I knew you were a flirt, but I never you know were a--" Sam began, but was shushed by Pippin before he could say something he would regret.

"We never meant for it to be this way!" Faramir said. "Or to go this far! It started out innocent, honestly it did! But we fell in love and we knew we wouldn't be allowed to court!"

"So you went behind our backs?" Pippin concluded. "You disgraced my dear friend's daughter, ruined her honor! And mine, and Sam's! Not to mention the Brandybucks', for that charade you had going on, fooling us all that you were in love with Éowyn. And what about your mother? What is she going to think of her son now?"

"We love each other" Goldilocks said. "All we wanted was to see each other!"

"You were certainly doing a lot more when I found you" Sam said. "Have we not raised you to keep your pride and dignity above all? I would have rather you pine away in heartache than do something like this."

"This ends right here right now" Pippin said. "Do you hear me? If I ever hear of you seeing her again Faramir, so help me I shall--"

"I hope you realize that there are no words for the shame you have brought on us" Sam said, this time interrupting Pippin before he could say something he shouldn't. "I am appalled by this whole sordid affair. You are not the daughter I raised, Goldilocks."

Faramir and Goldilocks glanced over at one another, afraid to breathe another word of how strongly they felt for one another. It had all exploded in their faces; they had never experienced anyone as angry as their fathers were at this moment. They had never imagined it would be like this if they were found out.

**XX  
XX**

Two hours later Pippin and Sam were finally done speaking with Faramir and Goldilocks. The former was sent to a guestroom under strict supervision by his father and the latter to her bedroom under her sister Rose's watchful eye. Sam grabbed himself a quick bite to eat and then joined Merry to have the same conversation once again, this time with Éowyn and Merry.

Merry Gamgee was deeply ashamed, he felt like he had committed the worst crime in the world by lying like this. He had never fully realized how much shame would be brought on by their secret. Once it dawned on him that Éowyn's good reputation would be ruined forever, and that everybody would know he was responsible, the whole thing made him cringe.

Éowyn begun to cry once more when her father entered the room. She was terrified of his silence; she wouldn't be able to fully relax before she saw some form of sign from him that in the end they would be alright. But she knew better than to expect it right away.

"Dry your tears, I don't want to hear it" was the first thing he said to her, in a voice she had never heard before.

"We never thought either one of you was capable of lying to us" Sam said. "Much less go behind our backs and have a squalid love affair. Do you realize you will never be able to show your faces again if this comes out?"

"We're sorry" Éowyn said, trying to stop her tears from falling. "It just got out of hand…"

"Save it, I don't need to hear it" Sam said. "I've heard enough excuses to the like from Goldilocks and Faramir. The fact is there **are **no excuses! You had no business flirting with each other in the first place!"

"That it could be you…" Merry said and shook his head at his daughter. "I had so much faith in you. And you just used all of that to go behind my back and do unspeakable things with one of my best friends' son!"

"No" Éowyn said. "It was not like that!"

"It was exactly like that!" Sam angrily said. "Merry Gamgee what do you have to say for yourself? I cannot look my friend in the eye anymore; you have completely debased his daughter! I never believed you were capable of something like that!"

"There are no excuses" Merry Gamgee said unhappily. "I wish I could have it all undone."

Merry Brandybuck sniffed at the statement and glared at his namesake. It was almost a cruel irony that his daughter had done this with him. She had always said she was not interested in getting married, and when she was younger she had added that she would never find anybody like her father. Well Merry Gamgee certainly was not much like Éowyn's father, his namesake had always found him the dullest and most meaningless out of all the Gamgee children. What Éowyn saw in him was a complete mystery to him. He looked at Sam and then at the two younger Hobbits. They had a long evening ahead of them.

**XX  
XX**

The next day Merry and Pippin headed back home with their children. Pippin left first with Faramir and Merry rode off an hour later with Éowyn. Neither child had much to say, both were glad to leave Bag End and all the eyes that looked at them with curiosity, shame or anger, yet at the same time they were afraid to come home and meet the same reactions there.

Faramir wished his father would say something while they rode, the silence was unbearable. But Pippin kept quiet, he had nothing to say at the moment, he had to gather his thoughts first. The shock he had received the day before had not really sunk in until now and he was truly beginning to grasp what had happened.

"It's the silent treatment now?" Faramir finally said as they were getting near Tuckburough. "Won't you please talk to me? You can't be silent all the way home!"

"You will long back to this silence in a little while" Pippin said. "When we get back home you and I are going to have another talk. This time with your mother present."

"She'll be so upset with me" Faramir sighed.

"You don't say? Stop pouting and feeling so sorry for yourself, think of what you have brought upon others instead! And all this for what? I can't for the life of me understand why you didn't come to us at once when you wanted to court Goldilocks!"

"She's a Gamgee!"

"Yes, she's Samwise Gamgee's daughter! Merry's girls aside there isn't any lass I would be more proud to see you with than one of his daughters!"

"But…" Faramir stuttered.

A whole new feeling came over him, sharper than any of the things he had felt in the past twenty-four hours. If his father meant what he had just said then the entire secret had been kept for no reason. Had he just told his parents from the start he could have had an official relationship with Goldilocks, perhaps even a future together with her. Instead he had lost her for good, lost his father's trust, his uncle's respect and probably his good reputation along with it. It was too much to handle, he had to cast the thought aside. He had other worries to focus on right now.

**XX  
XX**

Éowyn didn't say much on the ride to Buckland. She had not yet gotten any confirmation from her father that everything would be alright in the end. He had been much angrier than she had ever expected. He seemed more angry than disappointed; she didn't know which would be worse. But she knew she wanted things to get back to normal as soon as possible.

"Father…" she said. "When this blows over--"

"Don't expect it to happen anytime soon" he cut her off. "This is not some childlike mistake which can be forgiven and forgotten about by elevenzies. This is serious, Éowyn! We are talking three years of lying, sneaking behind our backs and engaging in activities I don't even wish to think about!" He turned to give her a glare which underlined his words. "Now you and I are going to Crickhollow. And you will stay there until I figure out what to do with all of this. I don't want you around your brothers and sister right now."

Éowyn nodded and felt miserable. She had secretly longed to see her mother and get some comfort from her. Nobody had offered her the slightest bit of comfort so far and even though she might not deserve it she really needed it. It was clear her father wouldn't be hugging her and drying her tears anytime soon.

**XX  
XX**

"Sit" Pippin said and Faramir slumped in an armchair in the sitting room.

Diamond looked from one of them to the other and wondered what had happened. She had been worried sick ever since the day before when Pippin had been called off to Bag End for some emergency regarding his son. Faramir was obviously safe and sound, but there was something not right.

"Tell your mother" Pippin said. "Tell her what you have been up to."

"I… have been having a romantic relationship with Goldilocks Gamgee" Faramir admitted, avoiding looking at his mother.

"With Goldilocks?" Diamond echoed. "But I thought you were courting Éowyn! Pippin?"

"Tell her" Pippin urged. "Answer your mother."

"I was never in love with Éowyn. We were just helping each other out so she could see Merry Gamgee and I could see Goldilocks. I'm really sorry, Mother."

Diamond looked from her son to her husband and back again. None of this made sense to her. Faramir looked so deeply miserable and Pippin so furiously angry that it had to be true. But it couldn't be. Her son and Goldilocks Gamgee?

"Faramir have you been lying to us?"

"For three years" Pippin said. "Lying. Deceiving. Dishonoring."

"Father I'm sorry!" Faramir exclaimed. "I don't know how to say it in any other way! I'm sorry! I never meant to hurt you, neither of us ever meant to hurt anyone! It just escalated… We were going to end it but we just couldn't! But we kept telling ourselves that as soon as summer is over…"

"Keeping it a secret over a summer is bad enough!" Pippin said. "How could you lie to your own mother and father?"

Diamond listened to the argument going back and forth for a while. She was shocked, and felt just as let down as Pippin looked. But she couldn't be as angry as he was, she could see how devastated Faramir was. She went over to him and gave him a hug, ignoring the look Pippin gave her which she knew meant that she should let him be. Faramir needed some support, she could tell that much.

"Dear, sweet child…" she said. "What did you go do? How many people have you hurt? And all for a love which can never lead to anything?"

Faramir couldn't hold back his tears any longer. Somehow his mother's affection hurt far worse than his father's anger. He could at least defend himself against Pippin's words and close his eyes to his glares, but he could not escape from Diamond's sympathy which he knew he didn't deserve, or her utter disappointment which was worse than anger.

"I can't ever look Samwise in the eye again after what my son did to his daughter" Pippin said. "Do you really expect me to show you any sympathy?"

"Won't you please get off those high horses, all three of you?" Faramir exclaimed. "Merry, Sam and yourself! You're so busy praising each other's honor and bowing to one another that you cannot see that your children are hurting!"

"You brought this on yourself!" Diamond said firmly. "You wouldn't be hurting if you hadn't gone behind our backs!"

"You deserve everything you're feeling" Pippin added. "Actions have consequences."

"But Father, you have done dishonest things too!" Faramir said. "You left the Shire! You had a responsibility as the only heir to the Thain and yet you left on a mission you knew you might never return from! And you planned the whole thing behind Grandpa's back! Wasn't that dishonest too?"

"How dare you compare what you've done to what I did all those years ago?" Pippin spat out.

Diamond stared at her son and wondered what had possessed him to say something like that. She had never seen Pippin so angry, but Faramir didn't budge. He rose to his feet and looked his father in the eye for the first time since his return.

"I left because I had to leave!" Pippin roared. "There was no other way, but you would never understand that! I left for honor, I left for--"

"There's that honor again! I value love above honor, is not love worth doing anything for?"

"Love is worth nothing without honor!" Pippin objected. "Honor was not the main reason why I left! I left for friendship, for companionship, because my friend needed me! I kept his secret which would cost him his life if it got out! That's why I went behind your grandfather's back! What did you do it for? What did you save from lying to us? What did you accomplish?"

"When you're in love you have no say in it" Faramir said. "I couldn't help myself!"

"You could have come to me! Or your mother! You could have openly expressed your interest in her. There was no reason for you to go behind our backs!"

"I thought you--"

"Enough!" Diamond said firmly. "I don't want to her another raised voice! Faramir do not talk back to your father, you've put yourself in enough trouble as it is! And you," she said to Pippin, "forget about your Quest and start worrying about your son!"

"I am worried" Pippin said. "Very worried. This is not the son we raised, Diamond. For how long were you going to cheat us like this Faramir?"

"Everybody knows that what's wonderful is short" Faramir said and sat back down. "I just wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could."

"Maybe you will learn what it's like to be honest from now on" Pippin said. "For you will never see Goldilocks alone again. Everything could have been different if you had been straight with us. But now it's up to someone else to sweep her off her feet. You won't be calling upon her attention anymore."

"She won't forget about me just like that" Faramir said. "We love each other."

"You think you know what she wants? She lied to everyone else, why not to you? Does she want to be with you for real?"

"Yes. I think she does."

"She will not be yours. Not after all of this. Everything has its time but whatever time could have been yours with her is now over."

"I know that nothing lasts forever." Faramir said. "Can't you see I just wanted to hold on to her while I still could?"

"You **never** could, that's the whole problem!" Diamond said.

**XX  
XX**

Cordy jumped three feet in the air when the door was flung up and his father stormed in with his sister in tow. Merry was red in the face with anger and Éowyn looked completely miserable. Cordy knew better than to ask any questions.

"Out!" his father commanded. "Go! Leave us!"

"But…"

"Get back to Brandy Hall, tell your mother I will stop by later tonight! Tell her I need to speak to her concerning her daughter!"

"Éowyn? What on earth have you done?" Cordy asked. "I never thought…"

"Go! Now!" Merry barked.

Scared by this anger Cordy quickly shoved his sandwich into his mouth and hurried out the door with a glance at his weeping sister. On his way out he grabbed his cape and then closed the door behind him.

"And as for you…" Merry said to Éowyn. "I have never been so disappointed with anyone my whole life! I trusted you! I thought you were honest with me! Why did it have to be you, out of all my children? Parents should not play favorites but on some level I think I've always held you for special. And you knew. And look what you did with that."

"Father I know I have hurt you…" Éowyn said softly. "But it was never about you. It was about us. Merry and I. You know how I've always said I would never marry… I've never believed in falling in love… When I was younger I even used to say I would never get married for I would never find anyone like my father."

"And you didn't" Merry said.

"No… But I found something else. Someone who actually cared about me for who I am. He was not interested in me just to get to marry the Master's daughter!"

"How do you know? Spare me your reasons, I don't want to hear it" Merry said. "In fact I don't want to hear a word from you right now. I'm hungry; I'm going to make something to eat."

Éowyn sat down by the table and dried her tears. Being alone with her father she was convinced that she could make things right. Somehow she would be able to make him forgive her. She did not close her eyes to the trouble she had caused or the anger he felt, but at the end of the day she would still need to be his apple cheeks. She couldn't believe that something she had taken for granted all her life could be taken from her by one mistake.

They sat down and ate in silence. Before their meal was over Cordy returned, much to Merry's dismay.

"What are you doing here, I told you to go to the Hall" he said in a displeased tone.

"This is my home" Cordy said. "I didn't think you meant that--"

"This is not your home, it is **my** house" Merry pointed out. "I bought it. But actually it might be good that you are here, I should go to the Hall myself and collect some things. Stay here and keep an eye on your sister, but do not let her try and talk to you!"

"… What was that all about?" Cordy said when Merry slammed the door shut behind him. "I don't understand a thing! I get kicked out of here, you look like all the troubles of the world are on your shoulders and our normally so sane and composed father is throwing tantrums! What has happened?"

"I can't talk to you about it" Éowyn said with a shivering voice. "I'm scared he will get even more upset if he finds out I talked to you."

Cordy gave up trying to make some sense of it all. He went off to gather some of his things. From the looks of it his summer at Crickhollow was coming to an end. When he was done packing he sat down on his bag and eyed his sister who wouldn't say a word. Bored he begun to whistle a merry tune, and he thought he could sense a smile on Éowyn's lips. But before long his father came back and told him to go back to Brandy Hall.

"What about Faramir?" Cordy asked. "I think he stayed at the Smials last night but he'll surely be back here today!"

"He will stay at the Smials" Merry said. "Goodbye Comradoc."

"Have you told them all now?" Éowyn asked when they were alone once more.

"I told your mother. You can expect her to come by. Whether or not she told your siblings I don't know."

Éowyn closed her eyes and sighed heavily. She wished he would just get it over with and say whatever he needed to say to her. But all he did was carve something out of wood and mull over what to do now while she was left to sit there and be tormented by her thoughts. Knowing her father that was probably part of his way of punishing her, letting her dwell on her thoughts and fear what he would say to her.

**XX  
XX**

When time drew near for supper there was a knock on the door and Merry received word that he had some things at the Hall that required his attention. Angrily he told Éowyn to get her scarf and get ready to leave. She objected that she didn't need to be supervised, she could manage at Crickhollow alone, to which she was told that she wasn't trusted to stay there alone. She followed her father to Brandy Hall under strict orders not to talk to anyone more than necessary.

They arrived just as Estella was clearing the table from supper. Merry harshly parked Éowyn by the table and told her to eat something while he hurried off to tend to whatever needed to be tended to. Éowyn could feel tears falling down her cheeks again. She hated seeing him this angry and behaving this harshly.

"Mother he is starting to scare me" she admitted. "He's always been so affectionate with me… Please tell me he will be that way soon again."

"No use getting your hopes up" Estella said with little sympathy and placed a bowl of soup in front of Éowyn. "He loves and trusts completely, but when somebody breaks his trust he can be ruthless."

"Even with his own daughter?" Éowyn whined.

"The more he loves the person the worse his anger gets, because he feels more betrayed" Estella said. "You should be glad he's speaking to you at all as it is right now, young lady."

"He's only barely speaking to me."

Éowyn ate her soup in silence. It was obvious that she would not get any comfort from her mother. Estella was just as angry as Merry only she could control it a bit better. Halfway through her soup Éowyn looked up to find her oldest brother standing in the doorway. The way he looked at her felt like yet another knife if pain stabbing her.

"Théo please, not you too" she said. "I can't handle one more person looking at me like that, especially you! I might not deserve it but I need some sympathy from someone!"

"Not from me" Théo said, deeply hurt by her lies which proved to him that she didn't need him as much as he needed her. "How could you keep a secret like this from me? I thought you were my sister, Éomie…"

"One mistake!" Éowyn cried. "I made one mistake!"

"No you made several!"

"A mistake is something you do without knowing any better" Estella said. "And you did know better. I did not raise you to do what you did."

Éowyn gave up and left the room. If even Théo was this mad at her then there was no comfort to find from anyone. She didn't dare go very far so she slumped down in a chair in the next room. After a few minutes her sister found her there.

"You look like you could need a hug" Lúthien said.

"Nobody seems to think I deserve one."

Her sister sat down on the armrest of the chair and hugged her tight. Éowyn sighed deeply and wished she could tell her sister how much this meant to her.

"Why are you being so nice to me Lúthien?" she asked.

"I guess because you didn't betray me as much as the others" Lúthien said. "You have no responsibility to share your doings with me. I don't understand it but I'm not hurting as bad as the others."

"Why is it that those I am closest to are the ones who cannot find it in themselves to throw me even a kind word?"

"Because you let them down more. The closer you are to someone to worse it hurts when they do something they shouldn't. It hurts to be lied to, and even worse to be lied to by those you love the most. You and I have quarreled over the years, I don't have any visions of you as someone who never does anything wrong. So I'm not as hurt."

It didn't make much sense to Éowyn but her sister was probably right. And maybe if Lúthien wished it, the whole thing would settle as fast as it could.

**XX  
XX**

"How long am I going to stay here?" she asked her father that night when they had returned to Crickhollow.

"I don't know" Merry told her and threw her a hairbrush. "Until I figure out what I'm going to do with you."

"How can I make you understand?" Éowyn said and began to brush her hair. "I know you are angry and you have every right to be. But I love him! For the first time in my life I have known what it's like to be in love! I am only guilty of not being able to let that go!"

"You are guilty of a lot more" Merry said and glanced over at her. "Who is this lass, sitting on this bed? It's not the girl I welcomed to the world, the one I parented for all these years… It is a stranger sitting before me."

"I am still your daughter!" Éowyn said.

"The lass who followed in my footsteps while I ploughed the fields is gone!" Merry said. "The little Hobbit who used to sneak out into the stables to help me with the ponies was honest! The young lass who would take long walks with me, tell me what was on her mind and who was a good daughter would never have done this."

"I'm still that girl" Éowyn said, wiping a tear from her eye. "I just made a mistake. A misjudgment."

"I am the first to admit I've never been overly fond of Merry Gamgee" Merry said. "Frankly I find him pretty meaningless. But if you two had simply been frank with me, if he had given you attention openly then I would not have objected! Even now if he were to decide to make an honorable lass out of you and asked me for your hand I would give my consent and make you happy."

"Do you mean that?" Éowyn said.

"I despise those who go behind my back" Merry said. "Nothing should ever be so bad you cannot tell it to my face Éowyn!"

"Do you mean what you just said about Merry?"

"Are you listening to me Éowyn?"

"Yes! Yes I am!" She got up from her bed and hurried over to him. "Father listen, Merry will never bring himself to come talk to you! He's too afraid; he doesn't dare look you in the eye! But if you were only to talk to him! Tell him what you just told me! You have to do that!"

"I have to do nothing of the sort" Merry snorted. "Grovel to the lad who put his hands all over my daughter in secret for three whole years? Accepting his offer to give you some honor back is one thing, asking him to do so is another!"

"It wouldn't be like that!" Éowyn said. "Father please, if you love me…"

"Sit down!" Merry barked. "Don't you ever use that as a weapon against me!"

"I didn't mean it that way" Éowyn said and quickly got back up on her bed.

"I know you're hurt Éowyn" Merry said. "But don't give me that look! Don't you ever put any blame on me, your mother or anyone else who chastises you for this. The fault is your own and you pay the price. What kind of lad is he if he's too afraid to stand up for you? Who is that to waste your love on? When I had fallen in love with your mother I found out she was already involved with someone else. I could have taken the easy way out too but I **openly** made my intentions to be with her clear and I fought for her! It was not easy but I did it! And I could look others in the eye when I married her. Your Merry cannot look anyone in the eye right now, and he never will unless he fights for you on his own accord."

"So you're saying I should just give him up when I know things can be different?" Éowyn sobbed. "Is that your punishment? Why can't I be the one who stands up for him?"

"I will not have you run after him like some sort of… I won't even say it! If he wants you he can fight for you, if not then get over him."

"And just shrug my shoulders thinking that life goes on?" she said bitterly.

"It's time you learned when to let go" Merry said.

"I don't **want** to let go! Not so long as I have a chance!"

"Tell me why I should be the one fighting for you? You are grown up now Éowyn! After everything you've done how can you ask me to go out and save something that was pure wrong from the get go? You're most horrid secret. You're not my apple cheeks, Éowyn. You're somebody else. And you're on your own from this point on."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I've had it with being willing to give it all for you and have you turn out to be this way. You're my daughter still but I don't know who you are. Fight your own battles from now on. Love finds a way, if he truly loves you he will come through for you. If not, and I do admit I hope that's what happens, then good riddance."

"Love tries hard but what if it fails?" Éowyn said. "You always speak of honor and dignity! He's trying to repair whatever damage he has done by keeping away! He doesn't know he can be with me!"

"Well while you struggle with how to make your partner in crime come to your rescue the rest of us will try to make some sense out of what you have done. Perhaps Merry is the one on the right track. I don't believe your love was in any way meant to be, you're better of forgetting he ever became more than just a Gamgee lad to you."

With those words he left her alone in her bedroom to contemplate everything that had been said.

**XX  
XX**

Diamond found her husband in their sitting room once she had made sure Faramir had gotten to bed and managed to fall asleep. Pippin was crouched over a table, leaning his forehead against his clenched fists, looking so tensed that Diamond feared he would snap. She knew he was angry but she felt she had to tell him to go easier on Faramir. It was difficult enough as it was and Pippin's anger was getting them nowhere.

"Pip…" she said and sat down on the table. "Pippin…"

She suddenly noticed that he was shaking. At first she thought it was from anger but then he looked up at her and she saw that he was shaking with sobs. She wished there was something she could do to help him but she didn't know what to say.

"I don't know what is worse…" he said to her. "Having to realize that our precious boy, the one person I love the most in all the world, has done something like this, something so… undignified… Or having to see him in such heartache and sadness. I have never seen him this upset Diamond. I cannot figure out whether to wring his neck or hold him while he cries."

"Please don't wring his neck" Diamond said with a slight smile. "I want to keep him."

"We don't have him anymore Diamond…" Pippin said. "Forget about that boy you knew for he is gone."

"It's still our Faramir" Diamond said. "Can't you see how devastated he is? A lot of that is from the realization that he's let us down and hurt us so bad! He's much like his precious father; he can't always predict the consequences of his actions. One day he finds himself in a situation he brought on himself and he is stumped! He probably never realized we would find out and what it would do to us."

"He says all he could do was what his heart told him to… But he must learn to forget about following his romantic feelings. You can't only be in love with someone and disregard those you love in other ways; I know first hand how it can feel to be on the other end of that. Now for the second time around it's worse. With all the force love has had his mind should still have been able to think straight."

"So what do we do now?" Diamond asked. "Darling we cannot keep on like we have today. This is a crisis for us. We need to help him find his feet firmly on the ground once more, for he is lost right now. He thinks we're only out to punish him but we cannot leave him this way."

"Of course not, he is our child" Pippin said. "I know that he needs to have a goal, a plan. Something that will help him forget about Goldilocks Gamgee and get his life in order. And become the Thain he needs to be someday."

"Maybe you need to hold him while he cries…" Diamond said and gently stroke Pippin's shoulder. "Maybe he needs to feel that you love him even now."

"No" Pippin said. "He needs to know that he cannot do whatever he wants behind my back. And don't say that he's learned that already! I have spoiled him, I have given him all the love I never had a chance to give to the siblings that were never born. It is perhaps my fault all of this. He needs to know now that I won't let him get away with anything and that my anger is not going to just go away. I know what he wants. But he's not going to get it."

"Just be careful not to lose him in the process" Diamond said. "Come to bed now Peregrin. Let me rub those shoulders of yours. We can talk more in the morning."

Pippin nodded and followed her to their bedroom. Diamond got ready for bed while Pippin slowly took his shirt off and sat down on the edge of the bed. She crawled up behind him and began to massage his shoulders. It was exactly what he needed. He could finally relax a bit; perhaps he would even get some good sleep tonight.

"Oh blessed Diamond…" he moaned. "I really needed this."

She placed a kiss on his neck and continued the massage. Pippin felt his mind wander a bit easier and suddenly he began to realize what needed to be done about his son.

**XX  
XX**

The next day Faramir found himself back in the chair he had spent most of the previous day in. His father was just as mad today even though his mother had calmed down a bit. Faramir wondered for how long this would go on. Sooner or later there had to come a day when Pippin had nothing more to say on the subject.

"Father before you say anything…" he said. "I want you to know that… Well, you act as if you think I don't know what I have done. And I do."

"Spare me" Pippin said. "I am not interested in whether or not you know what you have done anymore. My anger is not less than it was before just because it's hit you that maybe going behind our backs was not the best idea."

"You make it sound so devious! Did I plan doing all of this? No! It just happened! Honestly Father I did stop to think every now and then about how wrong it was, and I never enjoyed lying to you. But I thought it was the only way! Did you really mean what you said when you told me you would have accepted Goldilocks if I had been straight with you?"

"Am I a liar?" Pippin asked.

"No" Faramir said and lowered his head. "I just wish you would understand, that's all… I am being punished whether you believe it or not for I have lost her. I love her a lot, and what I'm feeling now is just… the worst heartache I've ever experienced."

"I haven't the least pity for your heart" Pippin said. "This is not about love, it's about integrity and dignity. Something you must learn what it is."

"But Father have you never been in love?" Faramir asked. "Have you never felt your world turning around a word from a lass' lips, or a smile? Felt what it's like to be touched by someone special?"

"I never let any lass bring me to do things other than what I should" Pippin said. "Obviously I am unable to get through to you; there is nothing more for you to learn from me, you won't even look into my eyes."

"I was just hoping to keep her close for as long as I could before I would lose her permanently" Faramir said, lost in his own self pity.

"**Faramir**! Pay attention to me!" Pippin said.

"You always worried I would take it too far when flirting with someone, get involved over my head" Faramir said. "Well that's what I did…"

"I've had enough of your self pity" Pippin said. "And I don't wish to linger here to talk anymore. Go pack your things Faramir; you are going to go to Gondor when November comes."

"No!" Diamond exclaimed.

"What?" Faramir cried and looked at his father with hurting eyes. "You… You're sending me away?"

"The future Thain cannot be the way you are" Pippin said. "Forget about your silly heart, you have to learn dignity, honor and what it's like to be a leader! Not until then can you know what love is. You have to learn how to feel good about yourself, and what discipline is like! Everything you need to learn can be taught to you in Gondor. Maybe Aragorn can succeed where I have failed so miserably. And then you can return as a Hobbit I can be proud of, perhaps then you can look us all in the eye. Perhaps then we can both look Sam in the eye, and you can start your life over again."

"No Peregrin!" Diamond said and strode over to put her arms around Faramir, as if worrying he would disappear if she didn't hold on to him. "I can accept that you go off to Gondor every now and then, it's who you are and it cannot be changed. But not my son! I will not have him Gondor sick like you are, out on the roads and getting into who knows what peril? You will not send my child away!"

"I won't go!" Faramir cried. "You cannot make me go!"

"You are 31 years old, underage, and I am your father" Pippin said. "You will go, neither one of you have a say in the matter. You have a little more than two months to pack and train your pony for the long journey. During that time you are not to leave the Smials, is that understood? **Is that clear**?"

Faramir flew to his feet and left the room, devastated by the news. He would never have imagined that his father would send him away! He felt like his father didn't love him anymore, and now he would be parted with everything he held dear. The Shire, his friends, his family, and with Goldilocks as well.

"You will send him to his grave!" Diamond cried to Pippin.

"Fool, I won't let him ride alone" Pippin said. "I am going with him. Nothing you can say can change my mind; I have written Aragorn and told him we are coming. My mind is made up."

Diamond burst into tears and left the room as well. Pippin stood there alone when she had gone and wished the storm would blow over. He had to send Faramir away; he could not stand feeling no pride for his son. And he was afraid of what would happen when he died and Faramir became Thain. He needed to be straightened out and what better place than Gondor, where Pippin himself had once learned how to be a good Thain.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir picked up another fistful of gravel and threw it at the window to the bedroom Goldilocks shared with her sisters Primrose and Daisy. This time someone came up to the window. Faramir waved to the lass, he could see it was Primrose, and hoped she wouldn't tell on him.

"Goodness!" Primrose gasped. "Goldilocks your… suitor is here!"

"Who?" Goldilocks asked.

"Who do you think?" Primrose said through gritted teeth. "Faramir!"

"Faramir!"

Goldilocks hurried up to the window as Primrose opened it. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she heard Faramir's voice tell Primrose that she needed to keep his being there a secret, or they would all be in a lot of trouble.

"What are you doing here?" Primrose asked as he climbed through the window.

"Lassies?" a voice said on the other side of the door.

"Oh no, it's Rosie!" Primrose said. "Hide Faramir!"

She hurried out and closed the door behind her, hoping to divert her sister's attention. Rosie seemed to think she was their mother and she would be furious if she found out Faramir was there. She would never be able to keep the secret; she would rather head straight for Sam's study to tell him about it.

"If they find you here you will be in so much trouble, as will I!" Goldilocks hissed.

"I had to see you" Faramir said and came out from his hiding place behind a bed. He grabbed her hands in his and smiled, overwhelmed by seeing her again. "Goldilocks… How I've missed seeing your face!"

"Faramir…" she said, not entirely happy with him being there. "I can't forget you if you come see me."

"I come to say goodbye Goldilocks" he told her. "And to bring you some hope."

"Hope? How can there be hope connected to a goodbye?"

"My father is sending me away" Faramir said. "He doesn't want me in the Shire, he says I need to learn how to be a good Hobbit. And apparently that has to happen in Gondor."

"It really is goodbye then" Goldilocks said. "Faramir I am so terribly sorry… I never meant for any of this to end up this way… I can't believe my love is hurting you, sending you away to a far off land."

"Never mind that, I am not here to blame you" Faramir said. "I leave tomorrow Goldilocks. My father thinks I'm asleep in my bed, he will throw a fit if he finds out I'm here tonight. But I decided I had to see you and bring you some good news, frankly what more can he do to me now? He's already tearing me away from everything I love."

"He wants people to look at you and like what they see" Goldilocks said. "Because of me they don't anymore. He wants you to be honorable."

"All this talk of honor…"

"So you come to tell me you are leaving and I shall find that a good thing?" Goldilocks asked before he could get started on the subject. "Maybe we need that much distance to get over each other. But everywhere I go I feel I see you, love has changed everything and I don't know how to change it back."

"I am not here to tell you to rejoice the fact that I'm leaving, I'm here to tell you that you might not have to change a thing" Faramir said and held her face in his hands.

"What?"

"There is hope for us."

"You're talking crazy. I cannot afford thinking like that; it's what got us in this whole mess to begin with. Please Faramir, whatever you must say, say it now. My sisters might come back at any moment! I don't want them to find you here."

"I don't want that either" Faramir admitted. "The thing is Goldilocks… We have been wrong all along."

"I'm painfully aware; if that was what you wanted to tell me then you can climb back out that window and never return."

"I'm not saying we were wrong when we fell in love, that's not it at all. My father actually told me that had I come to him from the start he would have given us his blessing. He says a daughter of Samwise is someone he would have been proud to have for a daughter-in-law. Do you know what that means? It means that when I return…"

"When you return…"

Faramir couldn't help but laugh a little. He was filled with joy for the first time since the August day they had been found out. Goldilocks was there with him again, and now that he saw her he could feel hope.

"If you still love me when I get back… Goldilocks I swear that I will love you still. There will never be a day when you're not on my mind."

"You will be on mine as well. I honestly don't know that I can stop loving you."

"Goldilocks Took. How does that sound to you?"

"Goldilocks Took… Faramir could that really be?"

"It could. If I return as someone my father can be proud of. If I can look your father in the eye and ask him for your hand. All our dreams could come true; we could be married in a year Goldilocks! Imagine it!"

"Are you sure about this?" she said and had to laugh a bit as well. "Are you really sure? I never dared to even dream of hoping something like that…"

"We could be together for good" Faramir said. "Married. My father said so; he said he would have approved of you three years ago! This I promise you! We could come full circle, start over again! Somehow they have managed to keep our romance secret from the rest of the Shire, as far as everyone else knows you and I have never fallen in love. When I get back it could be our first time in everybody's eyes. When this is all over I want to be standing right where we started, with you Goldilocks…"

"Well then you must hurry to Gondor so you can come back and see me again! Give me a kiss goodbye."

Her heart was racing when he pulled her close and kissed her tenderly. She had been at her very lowest just earlier that day, never believing she would hear him whisper a tender word to her again. Now he was there with her, holding her in his arms and kissing her. And promising her that she could hope for a future with him. It was almost too good to be true.

"I love you" he whispered when their lips parted. "With everything that I am I love you!"

"I know" she said. "I love you that way too."

They kissed again, but then Goldilocks remembered her sisters and urged him out the window. He reached up to her and she leaned out the window to say goodbye.

"Be careful" she said. "Don't do anything dangerous! Come back to me safely!"

"I will" he promised. "Think of me."

"Every day."

Their lips met for one last kiss, then he was gone with the whisper of an 'I love you' hanging in the air. Goldilocks barely reacted when the door opened behind her; all her sorrows were gone now. Faramir loved her and perhaps they could be together. Primrose came up to her by the window and got herself a breath of fresh air.

"I will never do that again, Goldilocks" she said. "I don't want to be involved."

"Don't worry, it won't happen anymore" Goldilocks said. "We just needed to say goodbye to each other."

"It's good to see you smile again" Primrose said.

Goldilocks nodded. She wished she could share her joy with her sister but the less Primrose knew the better it was for all of them. The short moment she had spent with Faramir tonight would be enough to last her through the year to come, she was sure of it. She had once heard it said that love will find a way when you care enough to hold on. She would hold on forever now that she knew Faramir would too.

**XXX  
XXX  
XXX**

Thank you for reading! I hope you'll stay with me for a little while longer! Like I've said before, these chapters focus a lot on the younger generation, and they will continue to do so up until the Faramir/Goldilocks relationship is wrapped up. I hope you don't mind! See you next time!


	34. 1462

**Author's Note**: Not much to say here, I guess. Enjoy the read.

**Disclaimer**: Same as always.

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"Make haste Faramir!" Pippin ordered and hurried through the streets of Minas Tirith with Faramir running to keep up with his pace.

Faramir stared with wide eyes at the city around him. It was huge, the buildings were so tall, the people were tall as well and everything seemed all in all large. It smelled differently, the white color was new to him and the whole place was frightening. It made him sick to his stomach that they were going so high up, he could feel his vertigo affecting him and he wished they would stop soon. He was exhausted from running up these hills, but his father didn't seem affected. Pippin was heading with determination to some specific place and Faramir prayed it would be on one of the lower levels of the city.

Pippin however marched through every city gate and eventually brought them to a grassy area in front of a large citadel. The height made Faramir nauseous; he kept his eyes away from the view of Gondor. He gasped when he noticed a white tree standing on the courtyard, he had heard about that tree when he was younger. It was incredible to see it in real life, to know that it actually existed. In the midst of his confusion and longing to be someplace else Faramir felt like part of a fairy tale was coming to life.

When they went up the stairs to the door the guards nodded a greeting to Pippin. Pippin took the time to stop and nod back and Faramir ceased the opportunity to catch his breath. How his seventy-something year-old father could keep that pace in uphill and not lose his breath was beyond him.

"We're going in to see the king" Pippin told him. "Speak when spoken to."

They went inside and Faramir experienced the large room the way his father had for the first time, so many years ago. He was overwhelmed, and somewhat frightened, by the massive statues, the large pillars, the grandeur of the hall. Pippin wandered through the hall as if he'd never done anything else his whole life and stopped to kneel before the thrones. Faramir followed his father's example.

"You are here!" Aragorn said. "At last! Rise Peregrin son of Paladin, and Faramir son of Peregrin."

Faramir took a good look at the king as he rose again. It was a very noble man, with a grey beard and a face that could be fifty, seventy or a hundred. He was clad in the finest clothes Faramir had ever seen and wore a golden grown on his head. The other two thrones in the room were empty, one usually occupied by the queen and the other by the prince.

"I am here to deliver Faramir son of Peregrin in your service, my lord" Pippin said.

"Very well" Aragorn said. "If he has got half the endurance of his father we shall have much use for him."

"I also deliver him to you, Elessar King, as a student to learn from a master. This lad needs schooling."

The formulation sounded offending to Faramir's ears. He had schooling, he could read and write and recite Hobbit history. He wasn't keen on getting any human schooling, what use would a Hobbit have for something like that?

"He will be in good hands" Aragorn said and rose from his throne. "You must be weary and hungry from your journey. Come."

Faramir had to run again to keep up with the other two. He could tell he would be well exercised on this trip. Then again this wasn't the first time he ran to a meal. He hoped he would like human cooking but at the time being he was not too picky. Anything edible would be wolfed down at this point, he had not had a meal for several hours.

**XX  
XX**

"You will be serving Elessar King not as a Guard of the Citadel like I do, but simply do whatever he tells you to do" Pippin informed Faramir later that night when they were getting ready to go to bed. "Do everything he asks you to do, tell him everything he asks you to, say everything he tells you to. Listen carefully and pay close attention when he holds lessons with you. Aside from the specific schooling I've asked him to further educate you in math and in the art of combat."

"Why would I need to know the art of combat?"

"What would you do if Tuckburough was attacked and you had no combat training? Your grandfather had none, look what happened when he was Thain! What little you've learned from the shriffs is not enough, you should be teaching them not the other way around. Now when you are serving the king you will not be wearing your normal clothes, pay your proper respects to the king by dressing properly. A more formal set of clothes have been prepared for you, they are in the chest over by the wall there. Do not address the king common, and do absolutely not address the queen so!"

Faramir turned his head back to overlook the view, trying to slowly get used to it, while his father went on. He hated being here. He felt lonely and frightened, Minas Tirith was so big and everybody was so formal and worldly. He didn't know a soul save for his father, who was anything but comforting. Faramir wondered if Pippin could be any colder towards him than right now, he never received a friendly word, only orders barked at him.

The view out the window made Faramir realize how small a Hobbit was and how secluded the Shire had been for all these years. The city was probably very pretty for being a city, but there was little grass, few trees, no animal life. The absence of these things made Faramir feel depressed. How anyone could want to live here was beyond him.

"And wipe that gloomy look off your face" Pippin said. "It is not very becoming to wallow in self pity. You think you're having it hard? This is a picnic compared to when I first arrived in Minas Tirith."

Faramir didn't bother to listen anymore. He longed to go back home, he had never known one could be so homesick. Far off in the northwest was the Shire. His mother was there, his friends, his aunts who had all been so sad to hear he was leaving. Even in January the Shire was a lot prettier than he could ever imagine this place being. And in the Shire there was Goldilocks. He had not seen a single head with curly hair since his arrival and the straight hair was odd to him and not very pretty. He longed for Goldilocks' golden curls.

Pippin toyed with the idea of joining Faramir by the window and telling him a story of his own first visit to Minas Tirith. But it was getting late and they had to get up early the morning before. He told Faramir to get into bed and then closed the curtains. They had seen enough of Gondor for one day.

**XX  
XX**

"There are a lot of restrictions you want me to put on him" Aragorn noted the next day when he sat down with Pippin for a meeting concerning Faramir.

"I need someone to keep an eye on him, I do not trust his own judgment" Pippin said. "Let him have his spare time and explore the city, I wouldn't mind him getting to know it as well as I do, just keep his number of privileges down. He is not to receive any special treatments on account of being my son. Everything he gets he has to earn for himself. He is also to write letters only to me and his mother, nobody else. He is also not to receive letters from anyone but me or Diamond."

"I will keep that in mind."

"And if he mopes around, reprimand him. Hobbits normally don't frown for very long but he's been set on doing so lately. Keep him on a tight leash."

"Pippin…" Aragorn said gently. "Aren't you being a bit hard on him? He is young; he must be allowed to still act young. And make mistakes. You've always worshipped your son, why do you feel the need to act as coldly towards him now as you once showered him with affection?"

"He broke my heart, Aragorn" Pippin said. "Everything I believed him to be turned out to be a lie. Instead of joy and pride I feel only disappointment and shame when I look at him now. I am paying for the mistakes I've made in parenting, he is not going to get off the hook easily either. Besides, he is not here to have fun. He is here to learn."

"Don't push him too far away, you might regret it."

"I'd rather have him turn into someone he can be proud of, even if it means he never cares much for me again. He is out of my reach, he's not the boy I've always known, and I haven't sacrificed all that I have for him to be the kind of Hobbit he is now. You know what he did… Would you accept it if your son did that?"

"No" Aragorn admitted.

"Nobody has ever hurt me more than he" Pippin said. "I am not overreacting."

"What if he were to do the same thing again, even after spending time here?"

"Then I would disown him" Pippin said frankly. "There's a limit to what I can tolerate."

"As long as you are sure" Aragorn said. "You should be on your way. I will call upon my new recruit and make sure he is kept busy."

"Thank you Strider."

"If you cannot rely on your friends in times of trouble, get rid of those friends" Aragorn said and gave Pippin a hug. "Everything will be fine. I promise. When have I ever let you down before?"

**XX  
XX**

Faramir wondered what had possessed his father to get to know this human better. Aragorn was grave, composed and hardly ever letting a smile cross his lips. He didn't seem to care much for Faramir, so far this morning he had been given a long lecture on Gondorian customs and how to behave in the city. Now he was striding off to the courtyard without giving much thought to Faramir's considerably shorter legs.

"I shall put you to proper work this afternoon" the king told him. "Now you must come see your father off."

"Where is he going?"

"Back to the Shire of course."

"Back to the Shire?" Faramir echoed.

They stepped outside and there was indeed Pippin, already up on his pony and with all his things packed. The shock was almost too much for Faramir, he had thought his father would be there with him all the way. In spite of his father's anger and coldness he was the only familiar thing Faramir had, and he was still a comfort. With him gone Faramir would be at the mercy of these tall figures who seemed to dislike him, probably well informed of what he had done to be sent here. He wanted his father's companionship more than anything right now.

"You're leaving?" was all he could manage to say.

"Of course I am. You didn't think I would be staying here the whole time, did you?"

It almost made Pippin weaken when he saw the look on Faramir's face. He sat down from his pony and gave Faramir a hug.

"You do as you're told now. There's no point in you being here to learn if I am here with you. Be good."

Then he gave Aragorn a hug and got up on his pony before he could start to wonder if he was doing the right thing. He jammed his heels into the pony's side, urgent to get out of Minas Tirith as soon as he could. When he began to ride Faramir turned on the spot and ran back into the palace.

"Faramir!" Aragorn cried and hurried after him.

It was surprisingly difficult to keep up with the running Hobbit. Faramir stopped by a window from where he could see his father riding across the plains, trying to keep him in sight for as long as he could. He felt a hand placed on his shoulder but didn't care if he was going to be reprimanded for running off the way he had.

"I'll make him care again, I swear" he said to no one in particular. "He is so angry with me… but I will make him proud of his son. I've done some bad things but someday he won't care about that! I will give him every reason not to. I will turn a corner no matter how hard. I'll make him proud of his lad. I will! I will just have to fight… but I'll do whatever it takes. I will work hard, I will have to, I wasn't born perfect as he was…"

His words surprised Aragorn. He had forgotten how outspoken Hobbits could be. And the last words had been said with true sincerity, Faramir had not been sarcastic.

"Peregrin is not perfect" he felt the need to object. "He has made mistakes, far more numbering and far worse than you know. It's what you learn from mistakes which defines whether or not you are worthy of respect. I have no doubt in my mind that you will make him proud; he so desperately wants to be proud of you again."

"He has turned his back at me" Faramir said. "Not even at this cold unfriendly place has he offered me any warmth or consideration."

"You are better off than he was when he first came here. He arrived together with a wizard, and wizards are not the comforting type. He had been pulled away from Merry, from me, from friends he had just been reunited with after a long parting. The only person he knew here was Gandalf, the wizard. He had a steward gone mad to serve, a war drawing near and shadows all around."

"At least he knew Uncle Merry would be glad to reunite with him" Faramir said. "As for my own best friend… I don't know that he will want to be my friend again when I return. I let him down too, just like everyone else."

Cordy had been furious to find out Faramir had kept such a secret for him, and on top of it all acted like he was romantically interested in Cordy's own sister. They had only had one chance to talk since August and Cordy had not made a secret out of that he felt hurt and betrayed.

"This whole thing has already made me grow up" Faramir said. "I used to think Cordy and I were like my father and Merry. Friends to the end, the kind you can't pull apart. Now I don't even know that we would speak if we met. It was not hard to drive a wedge between us. I've come to realize we were never like our fathers. We just wanted to be."

"Each person is defined in their own way" Aragorn said. "Pippin and Merry defined themselves through one another. That has been the base for their whole being, friendships like that don't come around often. Most friendships are wonderful and should be cherished, even though they're not like theirs. They have a bond that cannot be broken. Pippin shares a bond with you that cannot be broken either."

"I used to be his pride and joy…" Faramir said. "Now I only make him feel ashamed. I acted out of love, and it cost me his love."

"Nothing you can do could cost you his love."

"There is no love in his eyes when he looks at me anymore" Faramir said. "I will change that. Being here is the worst punishment I could have imagined. I don't mind Gondor per se, but being parted from everything that I care about…"

"Sometimes acting out of love means staying away from that which you love" Aragorn said. "Better love something with dignity at a distance than love something near when you can't look yourself in the mirror. Come with me now Faramir son of Peregrin. We have work to do."

Faramir followed Aragorn with a heavy heart. He didn't find the king very comforting; he didn't find anyone at all particularly comforting. But he knew work had a way of keeping your mind off things and for that reason he welcomed the busy schedule Aragorn had set up for him this day.

But when he retreated to his chambers that evening the loneliness surrounded him like a thick quilt. He found something on the bed, something left behind for him. The old cape his father had wanted to give him two years before. Faramir crawled up on the bed and hugged the cape like he had his security blanket when he was little, and wept. The cape was as clean as it would ever be again yet still dirty, it was well-worn and rugged, and it was so much a part of Pippin. After all these years it still smelled of Pippin's pipe, and it had the mixed smell of dirt, grass and sweat which had always made his mother wrinkle her nose but to Faramir had been the smell of his father.

Faramir wept, remembering all the things he had lost in the past year. He had never expected to lose his father this way; even Pippin's death would have been easier to take. Knowing that his father was alive but didn't care for him anymore hurt more than any other way he could lose him. Memories filled his mind, one after the other, leaving him no peace. He remembered falling asleep in Pippin's safe arms by the fireplace when he was little, he remembered how much time Pippin had devoted to teaching him things, he remembered how they had gone out hunting together, riding together, having a pint of ale together. He remembered how concerned his father had been the time he broke his leg, he remembered his father's unending patience with sitting by his bedside when he was ill, and he remembered the sense of security, love and strength he had always gotten around his father. None of that would ever come again. He remembered so vividly what it was like when Pippin returned from Gondor after a long absence, how happy those first days were and how he was showered with his father's affection. This time when they would be reunited, all Faramir could hope for was that his father would think his actions and progress to be enough, and that he would be proud once more.

He had always wanted to be like his father. Now he was all alone in Minas Tirith, following in his father's footsteps, serving the king. Not even the thought of Goldilocks waiting for him in the Shire could dry his tears at this moment. He had always expected that when he walked in his father's footsteps his father would be still in sight in front of him on the path. All Faramir could see now was an empty road, leading to nowhere.

**XX  
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"I'm going away for a few days" Merry announced at the dinner table.

"A few days?" Estella said. "Just make sure you're home in time to be at hand for the hunt, the clumsy Hobbits living in this hall will break at least seven legs for sure."

"Aramac can handle that, should the situation arise" Merry said. "I'm going to Hobbiton. I don't expect to be gone longer than till Thursday, the lads can handle things here while I'm gone, they're old enough."

"Me too?" Lucky asked with perked eyebrows.

"Théo and Aramac" Merry said.

"What about me?" Cordy complained.

"You aren't even old enough to eat your peas" Estella said and nodded at his plate which was completely cleaned of all contents save the peas.

"I don't like them and that's just that!"

"Neither do I but at least I eat them" Théo said.

"Why are you going to Hobbiton, Da?" Lúthien asked.

"I'm old enough not to say Da" Cordy grumpily muttered.

"Enough bickering at the dinner table" Estella said.

"I'm going to visit Sam" Merry said. "And Frodo. Frodo had a son just a few days ago."

"That's wonderful news" Estella said with a smile. "Sam must be so proud!"

"Another tender to the flowers born into the world" Cordy said.

"Don't talk about gardeners that way" Éowyn objected.

Cordy was about to reply that she was just annoyed he said something bad about Merry Gamgee's father and brother when his three brothers, knowing what he was about to say, gave him a kick underneath the table. Cordy shrieked.

"Can we have no peace at the table?" Merry asked. "Cordy what is it now?"

"Nothing" Cordy whimpered and gave his brothers a death glare.

"Faramir should be arriving in Gondor any day now, perhaps that will interest you" Merry said and eyed his son.

"Not particularly" Cordy said icily.

"Poor Diamond" Estella said and rose to start clearing the table. "Having both her husband and her son away in Gondor! It must be a nightmare for her! I hope for her sake Faramir won't become as attached to Gondor as his father is."

"Pippin did what he had to do" Merry said and rose to help her out. "Those who are innocent always end up having to pay part of the price. Perhaps we should invite Diamond over more often, it might cure her loneliness."

Éowyn glared at her empty plate and tried to ignore the conversation. She hated any talk that had anything to do with what had happened last summer. It was far too painful still, in a way she envied Faramir who was someplace far away where he didn't get reminded of bittersweet memories everywhere he looked and where he didn't have to face the accusing looks from those he loved.

Her relationship with her father was icy at best. He didn't pay her much attention at all; when he did he was frosty. Her mother had lectured her several times on what she had done, and from now on Estella was determined to change the wrongs in Éowyn's behavior. She had her working much harder than before, all the chores she had once been able to get around were suddenly inescapable. Estella was set on making sure her daughter learned everything a lass should know, her days of being her father's shadow were over. Théo was still feeling deeply hurt by her, and Cordy was devastated over what he had found out about Faramir and blamed Éowyn for her part in the whole thing. Aramac had made it clear to her that he thought she had acted very wrong. Lúthien and Lucky were the only two who seemed to have gotten over what she had done, but Lucky had never paid her much attention before anyway. He was always off on his own doings; she didn't see much of him.

"I wish I could go with you to Bag End" Estella said. "To think my little Frodo, the lad I used to nanny, is a father!"

Merry nodded. He had figured she would want to go. But she had to stay and care for the household, Lúthien was not old enough and neither of them trusted Éowyn with the job. However it was better not to bring it up, it would only upset Éowyn and no matter how hard it was for Merry to forgive her he still didn't see any reason to embarrass her in front of her siblings.

"I'll tell you what" he said. "I'll be back on Thursday and then you can go and stay until Monday. How does that sound?"

"It sounds lovely" Estella said and smiled at him. "I haven't been to Bag End in a long time!"

"May I be excused" Éowyn muttered and left the table without waiting for an answer.

"What's wrong with her?" Lucky asked, looking like a living question mark.

"What do you think?" Cordy muttered. "Going to Bag End?"

"Ooohh…" Lucky said.

"Don't bother your sister about it" Merry said. "Let her pout if she wishes to. Hurry up and help clear this table, I'm planning to go out and find some herbs before I leave. Whoever helps with the dishes can come along."

Aramac and Lucky volunteered at once while Théo quickly escaped. Cordy claimed herbs were silly and left to fetch his pony and go for a ride. Merry wondered if mentioning the whole debacle had upset Cordy as well. The mentioning of Faramir hadn't brought on a good response; Merry hoped his son would come around in that regard. Faramir was not around for him to talk to; Merry hoped they would be able to get their friendship back on track when they were together again. Cordy was hasty in everything he did, he had been hasty in tossing Faramir aside but he might be just as hasty to forgive and forget once his second cousin returned.

"What herbs will we be looking for?" Lucky asked and handed a dried plate to Merry.

"Nothing in particular, I just felt like going out for a little scout" Merry said.

"I'm making my own medicine pouch" Lucky said. "Out of the skin from that fox I caught a few months back. I'm hoping to start filling it soon!"

"How about inspiring your brother to do the same?" Merry said. "Théo should have one."

"Théo doesn't even hunt, where would he get the skin from a fox?" Aramac said.

"Perhaps I'll just make him one" Merry said. "My 80th birthday is coming up this summer; a medicine bag might be a great gift."

"Éowyn will be 33 this fall" Estella said. "How are we going to go about her birthday celebration without all Gamgees being present?"

"I'll talk to Sam" Merry said.

"I hate that everything is so troublesome now" Lucky said. "Not even a birthday party can be planned without last summer's events causing trouble."

"Éowyn is learning her lesson the hard way" Aramac said. "Don't feel sorry for her."

"I don't. I just hate the situation, that's all."

"No more talking of that" Estella said firmly. It was driving her crazy that her daughter's romance seemed to be working its way into every part of everyday life. This had to stop; they couldn't keep going on like this.

**XX  
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Faramir was beginning to regret having gone out for a walk. But he would go mad cooped up in his chambers. He had to get out and see the sun, escape from the loneliness he felt whenever he was alone in his room. Though he hadn't counted on people staring at him, pointing and whispering when he passed by. He was wearing Gondorian clothes and his finest cape, yet he did not fit in at all. He was as short as the children but no one seemed to be fooled that he was one. He wondered how his father could ever choose to go to this place out of own free will.

A group of soldiers were gathered outside a barber shop, waiting for their turn to get a clean shave and a fresh haircut. Faramir had seen them around the king's halls before but didn't know any of their names. He decided to go over to them and talk; at least soldiers wouldn't treat him like an ogre from a fairy tale when he spoke with them.

"Good afternoon, Master Hobbit!" one of the soldiers said.

"Good afternoon" Faramir said.

"Here to get a fresh shave? You don't look like you need one anymore than these youngsters here, but the king sends everyone here anyways."

Faramir glanced at the three younger soldiers who did look old enough to shave in Faramir's opinion. But what did he know; he had never had to shave a day in his life.

"The king has spared me that bit" he said. "Hobbits do not grow beards, although perhaps I should have my feet shaven to fit in a bit better."

The older soldier laughed and Faramir felt a bit better. At least he was not completely alone; it was nice to just small talk with someone.

"They say you are the Perian who saved Lord Faramir from the fires!" a young soldier said with reverence.

"I am a Faramir of my own!" Faramir objected. "Many years have passed since the War." He wasn't sure exactly when Lord Faramir had been saved and what he had been saved from, but it was safe to assume it had happened during the war. "I am far too young to have been present during that occasion."

"They say that the Perian never grow old" the young soldier said.

"Though it is flattering to be confused for an Elf," Faramir said, "my father, the one who saved your Lord, has reached an honourable age of seventy-two."

"Don't you remember seeing Master Peregrin when last he visited?" the older soldier said to the younger. "Though he might resemble this young Hobbit the one who saved our Lord Faramir has grey streaks in his hair and a more weathered face."

The soldiers began discussing the differences of Pippin and Faramir back and forth, a topic which bored Faramir from the start. He was not interested in hearing in what further ways he was unlike his father, not to mention it was unsettling to listen to all the things they thought of his father, things people would expect Faramir to be. He excused himself and wondered off.

After a while he came to a town square and stopped to admire the statue in the centre. He walked slowly around it, getting a look from every angle. The statue frightened him, yet intrigued him. The largest part of it was made out of a horrid beast, a creature in armor and a helmet which seemed to have been made from pure evil. The creature was threatening a young soldier with long hair visible beneath the helmet. Faramir knew it must be showing a scene from the Great War. He had been informed that the city of Minas Tirith had been the scene of the largest siege during the war, and that a bloody battle had been fought out on the Pelennor Fields.

As he passed around the statue he suddenly noticed a figure which had not been visible from the other angle. A small soldier crawling up to the threatening creature, holding his tiny sword up as if to strike the much larger enemy. He stared at the figure and at the whole statue, feeling frightened by it in ways he could not explain. There was just something about it which made him very uneasy.

"That's me in that statue" a woman's voice suddenly said.

Faramir spun around and found himself face to face with a lady dressed in white, bearing no resemblance to either of the soldiers in the statue save for the long hair falling down her back. The lady before him was of an older age, though time seemed to have treated her nicely. Faramir could not tell whether she was forty or sixty.

"I am the soldier with the long hair" the woman said. "The creature threatening me is the Witch King of Angmar. And the small soldier on the ground is your Uncle Merry."

"Uncle Merry?" Faramir said and turned once more to look at the figure.

"How much do you know of the Battle of the Pelennor fields?"

"Just that it took place" Faramir said. "They're so strict in that regard, they won't let anybody know anything…"

"Now you know one thing" Éowyn said. "I am Éowyn, the White Princess of Ithilien. During the war I fought as Dernhelm, with the Halfling Merry at my side."

"Uncle Merry fought in the war?" Faramir said. He turned to look at her.

"Yes. And he saved me. Our paths collided at a time when everything was chaos, and it became the rescue for us both. In the midst of all the commotion and ruined lives I found someone who was real… In spite of the situation and the knowledge that mankind was on the brink of destruction I started to believe again. I believed in him."

"He really did serve in the war…" Faramir said in amazement. "What about my father?"

"He was in the besieged city."

"Serving Lord Faramir? I am Faramir son of Peregrin!"

"Yes I know. We have met before, don't you remember?"

"No not really… And you're a friend of my father?"

"A friend of your uncle's" she said. "Your father and I have never connected. We don't see eye to eye on things. Though seeing you here looking lost and lonely you remind me of Merry. I know what loneliness is like. Perhaps you would like to accompany me for a walk through the gardens at the House of Healing; there is nothing better to cure loneliness with than a stroll with a new acquaintance."

Faramir accepted her offer and followed her to the gardens. He was getting one surprise after the other, now he could remember that he had met this lady before and who her husband was, but he could not picture her being so close to his uncle. And yet she was the woman Éowyn Brandybuck was named for. What surprised him the most was that she claimed not to get along with his father. He had thought everybody in Gondor loved Peregrin, but this woman did not.

He walked with her through the gardens and asked her a lot of questions. She answered them all patiently, and asked him a few in return. Faramir found he liked her company and sought it out whenever he had a few hours to spare. She would be in Minas Tirith for seven weeks; Faramir looked forward to getting to spend time with her for a while. He didn't have to start from square one with her; it was like half a friendship was already there.

After three weeks had passed he found himself talking to her about Goldilocks and the reason why his father sent him away. Éowyn listened to his story, she didn't approve of what he had done but she knew what it was like when it was hard to be in love.

"Every day that passes without her during winter is manageable" Faramir told her. "We've never shared a winter together. But whenever I think of summer… That we are not together anymore, and won't be this summer… Then it hurts. A lot. But then I think about the summer after this one and it makes me smile again. We will be together that summer."

"Are you sure about that?" Éowyn asked. "Love either thrives at a distance or dies."

"I'm sure" Faramir said. "Something in her eyes… when last we spoke… She cares for me, that won't change."

"Maybe your father sent you here because he hopes it will. For the both of you."

"No, he sent me here to pay for my mistakes and make good on them. It took me by surprise when he left me here alone but I assume he feels I should learn to be on my own sometimes."

"Faramir…" Éowyn said gently. "It is possible that Peregrin wants you to get over your feelings for her."

"No! That's not it! He said that he didn't mind me loving Goldilocks, he only objected to going behind his back! He wouldn't expect me to just forget about her! I won't forget about her! I keep holding on, I can't let go of how I feel. And I don't want to, especially now that I don't have to. There's hope for Goldilocks and me where there's never been hope before."

He paused and Éowyn didn't say anything. He hadn't known it would be this hard to talk to her; Uncle Merry never seemed to have any problems with it. But they were separated by age, race and gender, whole generations parted the two. Éowyn would never understand Faramir as she understood Merry. Faramir suddenly felt sad. She was his only friend here in Gondor yet she would never truly be his friend. But he had to talk to someone. The feelings he had inside were eating him alive.

"Éowyn I only wish someone would have told me love is not always a pretty thing" he said. "Why does it hurt? Isn't love supposed to be the one thing in your life which can never cause you pain? It used to make me feel like I could do anything, like I could fly, it made me not care of who I hurt or what lie I told. Now it just hurts me… Not just the love I have for Goldilocks but loving my father. It hurts to love a parent who no longer loves you. I can't stop loving him any more than I can stop loving Goldilocks! It's like the skies have turned dark and it rains and never stops. Why does it cloud up Éowyn?"

"When you feel this way it is often an indication that you're not loving who you should" Éowyn said. "I loved once too, before I loved my husband, and that love hurt. It brought me thorns but not a rose. I loved with all my heart, I truly did, and I never saw myself loving anyone else. I do now though. And you will too, Faramir. Someday you will meet another lass and you will forget about Goldilocks Gamgee."

"No I won't" Faramir said. "I can't! She is too special! And she loves me still! My father might not but Goldilocks does. I cannot give up on the one whose love I can have. I was surrounded with love growing up but now those days are gone and if I traded my father's love for Goldilocks' then I shall not cast her aside! No one ever told me it would be this hard to be in love but I won't give up! Somehow this year will go by and I will return. I hate this place; I won't stay a minute longer than I have to! I am going back to Goldilocks the second I have fulfilled my duties here and I will marry her!"

Éowyn followed him with her eyes as he stormed off to his private chambers. He was full of conflict, but fighting this battle with himself would never lead him anywhere. Although she wasn't very fond of Peregrin she knew he would never stop loving his son. He needed to tell Faramir that, Éowyn was worried he would commit himself to Goldilocks for all the wrong reasons if he didn't.

**XX  
XX**

Estella sat down on a stool in front of Merry's armchair and let him rub her aching shoulders. She was tired; it was getting harder to always be up and about. Her shoulders would start to hurt if she spent more than an hour bent over her sewing.

"You need to relax more, my sweet" Merry said and kissed her on the top of her head. "I don't want you working yourself to exhaustion every day."

"I'm happier when I'm doing something, you know I don't like to rest."

"Let the girls do more of the work" Merry said. "Let others here at the Hall help you. You don't have to do everything alone."

"Neither do you" she remarked. "You ought to let Théo have more responsibilities."

"He has all the rest of his life to be Master" Merry said. "Let him have his freedom. All the lads work around the Hall; they don't need any further duties at the time."

The door opened and Éowyn came in, looking determined. Her parents looked at her and wondered what she wanted. She rarely sought out their company these days unless she had a specific errand.

"I have decided how I want to spend my 33rd birthday" she said.

"Let's hear it" Estella said.

"I want to go to Ithilien and spend it with the Lady Éowyn."

Merry's hands stopped rubbing Estella's shoulders for a moment. At first neither parent thought they had heard her correctly.

"Out of the question!" Estella said.

"You can't go to Ithilien Éowyn" Merry said and resumed working on his wife's shoulders.

"I will be 33!" Éowyn said. "I'm not a child any longer. It is not up to you to decide what I can and cannot do!"

"Your own sense of judgment has not gotten you very far" Estella said. "If you think I am going to let my little girl ride out to some place she's never been, on paths she's never taken, all on her own then you are mistaken. The very thought of it terrifies me!"

"You cannot decide for yourself that you want to travel to Ithilien" Merry said. "You have to ask the Lady if she will receive you."

"No doubt she will! I am going! I refuse to spend summer here, and to celebrate my birthday here knowing that everything is so awkward!"

"Part of being an adult is accepting the consequences of your actions" Merry pointed out.

"Faramir got to travel! Maybe that is what I need as well?"

"This discussion ends here and now" Estella said. "Your father might give in to your pleads if you beg him long enough but I won't have my child out there, putting her life at risk! I love you too much for that!"

Éowyn looked from one parent to the other, then let out an angry cry and fled to her room. Estella turned and looked at Merry.

"You won't let her go, do you hear me? I won't risk losing her out on the roads!"

"Don't be silly, of course I wouldn't let her go" Merry said and pulled her close.

**XX  
XX**

"Oh no" Deny Took sighed and halted his pony. "HAMs ahead. There, in the glade."

"They don't look too happy" Aramac said and frowned. "I wonder what is going on!"

"When have you ever seen any of them looking happy?" Deny asked.

"You have a point" Aramac said but rode up to the party of four Hobbits in the glade.

At first none of them noticed him. One of the lasses, Gemma Delvering, was sitting on a log crying. Tack Sacker was looking at something on her leg; it didn't take much for Aramac to realize she had somehow hurt herself. He wasn't fond of the HAMs but he didn't like to see lasses cry, and he was being trained by his father to be a medic. Deny followed him hesitantly, wishing they could leave the wounded Delvering in the care of her friends.

Chet Delvering looked up and spotted them. He angrily snarled at them to go away.

"Is she injured?" Aramac asked with a nod to Gemma.

"None of your concern!" Daisy Bluebell said.

"I know my way around herbs, if she is hurt and there's something I can do then it is my concern."

"Aramac let's just ride back home" Deny said. "It's no use my friend; they won't let you help her!"

"We can take care of our own, we don't need a Brandybuck telling us what to do" Tack said angrily.

"Miss Delvering…" Aramac said to Gemma. "You wouldn't cry like that for nothing. Did you cut yourself?"

"It's nothing" Gemma said and tried to try her tears. "A bee stung me, that's all."

"All this fuss over a bee?" Deny sighed.

"Bee stings can be painful sometimes" Aramac said.

"Save your sympathy Brandybuck" Daisy snarled.

"Listen, I know how to ease the pain" Aramac said to Gemma, ignoring the rest. "Won't you let me help you?"

"She doesn't need your help" Tack said.

"That's for her to decide, I'm talking to Gemma."

Gemma said nothing. Deny sighed and wished Aramac would realize it was no use so they could go.

"Look Aramac, they're too proud to accept your help" he said. "Let's just be on our way."

"Fine" Aramac said, not too happy about the situation. "But put some frogbit on that. That will help, I assure you."

They rode off towards a nearby meadow and Deny eyed his friend suspiciously.

"What was that all about?"

"I know they hate my family and all that, but maybe if we show them some kindness when they need it they will come to realize we're not bad Hobbits."

"Listen Aramac, nothing you say or do is going to make them change their minds. They have made up their minds that you are mean and they're really stubborn."

"Maybe you're right" Aramac said. "But it never hurts to try."

They rode out on the meadow and waved at Diamond and Pippin who were out taking a walk. The Tooks waved back and turned to start heading home to the Smials. Diamond was reluctant to return, the Smials were so empty now that Faramir was gone.

"Cheer up" Pippin said to her as they walked across the meadow. "He lived at Crickhollow last summer; we've been without him before."

"Not for this long" Diamond complained. "And not this far apart! He has never been so far away from me that I haven't been able to reach him within a day. Pippin what if something happens to him?"

"He's got the king of Gondor looking after him" Pippin said. "He will be fine."

"What about you?" Diamond asked. "Will you be fine?"

"I truly believe I did the right thing" Pippin said. "But it was not easy. I just hope he won't forget that everything I do I do out of love for him."

"He knows that" Diamond said. "But please Pippin, stop being so angry around him. It won't do anybody any good. What's done is done and your anger won't change a minute of it."

"Perhaps not" Pippin agreed. "One thing is for sure… He won't ever do anything like that again. Now that he knows how difficult it can be to pay the price."

"I just don't see why you put on that angry face around him instead of showing him how **sad** you are. For you are sad, more than you are angry."

"What good does sad do?" Pippin asked. "I could never have left him behind in Minas Tirith if he knew how sad I was about it. It was easier if he thought I was angry."

"I don't understand you lads…" Diamond sighed.

"He will be back in about a year" Pippin said. "When he returns I'm going to make sure to tell him how much I've missed him."

"I'm glad" Diamond said and kissed him on the cheek. "Come on now Master Took, let's go home to our empty Smials and have dinner, just the two of us. I was so lonely I could cry when you both were gone, at least now I have you. I'll make you your favorite dinner."

Pippin smiled at her and thought perhaps a few months without Faramir might be good for him and Diamond. They could use a rekindling of their marriage; some time for just the two of them might be just what they needed. At least they had each other, Faramir was alone. It made Pippin sad just thinking about it but he knew he had made the right choice. This year would do Faramir good; Pippin only hoped someday he would realize it.

**XX  
XX**

"I have an announcement to make" Merry said as the Brandybucks and Tooks were sitting down to eat. "Éomer King of Rohan has sent for me. I am to travel to Rohan right away where I--"

"You're leaving for Rohan?" Éowyn interrupted.

"Don't interrupt your father" Pippin said. "What is so urgent, Merry?"

"Has something happened?" Aramac asked.

"As I was about to tell you, before I got interrupted, the king has sent word for me to travel to the city of Edoras where I am to be lorded."

Nobody said a word for a few minutes. Merry eyed them, wondering if he had actually spoken out loud. Nobody seemed to have heard him. Finally Théo spoke up.

"Lorded? What does that mean? I thought you were Lord Holdwine already!"

"They call me that but I am not officially lorded" Merry said. "However since I'm turning 80 the king figured he won't have all that much time ahead to actually make me a lord. He wants the ceremony to be on my birthday."

"I was hoping you would spend it here, with us!" Estella objected.

"Estella I can't say no" Merry said. "It is more than a fabulous honor, it is my duty."

"About time he lorded you" Pippin said. "Aragorn lorded me decades ago!"

"Do we have to call you Lord Merry now?" Diamond asked.

"Only if you're in Rohan."

"Does that mean Théo will be Lord Théodoc when you die?" Lucky asked.

"Lucky!" Estella exclaimed. "How can you even think about something like that?"

"I'll have to ask the king, but I do believe my bloodline will inherit the lordship, yes. But it's mainly a formality; I don't think it comes with any duties."

"I hope not!" Théo said. "I don't want to have to serve a king so far from home!"

Éowyn immediately noticed an opportunity arising for her. As soon as she could get her father aside she asked him when he would be leaving.

"I told you, as soon as possible" he said. "By the end of the week."

"Take me with you" Éowyn urged.

"Out of the question."

"Let me celebrate my 33rd birthday in Rohan if not Ithilien. You should have a family member present when you're lorded."

"We both know that's not the reason you wish to come" Merry said. "I promised your mother I wouldn't give in to you; a no is a no Éowyn."

"I am going to Ithilien whether you permit it or not" Éowyn said and crossed her arms. "You cannot keep me here. Uncle Pippin was younger than me when he left! Now I can either travel on my own, with good chance of getting lost and running out of food, or I can go with you and be safe."

"That sounds like blackmail."

"Like I said, I'm going. On my own if I have to."

Merry sighed heavily.

"Your mother's going to kill me."

**XX  
XX**

Faramir opened the heavy doors and stepped inside the mighty halls. He had been in Gondor for months now yet never been in these halls before. It was late at night and he could not sleep. He had brought a candle with him and gone for a walk through the citadel, eager to explore. The halls interested him, even if they did not seem welcoming or friendly. He could not understand how one could choose to build great halls of stone to live in when one could dig a lovely tunnel through the thick, rich ground instead.

He held up his candle and let the light fall on the walls. Great paintings covered the entire right wall of the hall, statues guarded the left. The paintings were of great kings in Gondor's past and of pivotal events in the history of the kingdom. Faramir walked slowly through the hall, looking at every painting and wondering what the history was behind it. Elves lived forever but men had found a different way of granting themselves immortality. Some of the kings had hung up on the wall long before the war at the end of the second age; that was so long ago that Faramir could not even begin to grasp it.

His footsteps were barely audible as he slowly made his way down the hall. Hobbit feet knew how to walk in silence. He didn't want to wake anybody up; he knew they would frown upon him being awake at this hour when he had duties in the morning.

Faramir was finally beginning to settle in. He felt he was learning something from Aragorn and part of him had begun to feel excitement over someday getting to use what he learned in real life. For the first time in his life he felt a true desire to do his very best as Thain. He had finally come to realize that his father would not live forever and that the thainship really would be his someday.

He had walked forever it seemed when he came across a painting of someone familiar. The painting showed a Hobbit, turned slightly to the right, clad in human clothes but doubtlessly a Hobbit. A Hobbit Faramir knew well. A golden sign on the frame of the painting said "Meriadoc, Ernil i Periannath". Faramir looked at the painting for a long time, unable to tear his eyes from it. He had never seen a painting of a person he knew before, and he wondered what his uncle had done to deserve being up on this wall among the kings and stewards of Gondor. Merry had a serious look on his face and his left hand held on the handle of a sword without a blade. A shiver ran down Faramir's spine and he quickly walked on to the next painting.

He nearly dropped his candle on the ground. The next painting showed not only Merry but also Pippin, standing behind a green divan upon which a third Hobbit sat. Merry and Pippin each had a protective hand held on the sitting Hobbit's shoulders. All three of them wore ceremonial clothes and Elven capes. Even though his own father was in the painting Faramir's eyes were drawn to the one who sat on the divan. He held his hands in his laps, forming a ring between his two thumbs and index fingers. But one hand had only four fingers.

"Frodo of the nine fingers…" Faramir whispered and read the golden sign on the frame. "Periannath. Peregrin, Meriadoc and Frodo." He stepped closer. "Frodo… The great Frodo… So this is Frodo."

A feeling he could not define came over him. It was scarier than he could ever have imagined to be given proof that legends he had heard were real, and people he had been told of had lived. Frodo Baggins had only been a name to him, someone who had one finger missing and lived at Bag End once, a close friend of his father's. But now that Faramir saw him on the painting Frodo became real for the first time. This was what Frodo Baggins had looked like, and he had been very real.

Faramir backed away from the painting, haven gotten enough history for one day. He continued on to the next painting, which showed his own father. It seemed like a companion piece to the one of Merry, it had Pippin turned slightly to the left, clad in ceremonial Gondorian clothes and holding a helmet in his hands. The golden sign read "Peregrin, Ernil I Periannath". Faramir had no idea what the bit after the name meant, he assumed it was a title in Elvish but could only guess its meaning. He took a closer look on his father on the painting, guessing his age to be around Faramir's own and was struck with how similar they were. No wonder people took him for his father, Faramir had not been given many features from his mother.

"What did you accomplish to be honored with a painting in this hall?" he whispered in the night. "Two paintings even! No wonder you are so ashamed of me… The son of such a great Hobbit sinking so low! I promise you Father, I may never hang up on this wall with you but I will be the best Hobbit I can be!"

He straightened his back and took on a proud face. With as much dignity and determination as he had in him he turned and strode back to his own chambers. He had made up his mind once and for all; he was not going to allow his father to be ashamed of him anymore. He was going to rise above that and make everybody proud. And make Samwise able to forgive him and allow him his daughter's hand in marriage. For the first time Faramir truly understood what his father had been talking about when he said that there could be no love without honor. Goldilocks deserved better than the Faramir he was now, she deserved someone people looked at with respect and pride. He was going to be that Hobbit.

**XX  
XX**

Éowyn had never felt so small in all of her life. The Golden Hall was larger than she had imagined any place being, the humans were taller than she remembered tall folk being and everything around her was a larger size that she was used to. She reckoned this was what a child must feel like, always too small to reach.

People had not given her as many questioning looks as her father had prepared her for. They looked at him with great interest and curiosity but few of them seemed to realise that she was a grown-up and not a child. She was addressed as a child and someone had even offered her toys when she first arrived. It was making her quite uncomfortable, it felt like her father had been speaking literally when he said to her that she was nothing more than a child still. She hated that. She didn't want to be seen as a child even though she might have acted like one. She wanted the chance to prove that she had grown up.

She knew that in this environment though she would never blend in with the adults. Her own father could not quite manage it, and he was taller than Éowyn and held in high regards. She would be thought of as a child in Rohan even if she stayed for decades, she could see that much. Still she felt at home here, nobody here knew about her past and judged her for it, she was just another child in the crowd and in that aspect it was nice to be treated as one of the children.

Another thing that had struck her was the beauty of the people around her, and the wealth. She came from one of the wealthiest families in the Shire yet her clothes seemed simple compared to those worn by the queen and her entourage. Her curly hair was unruly and refused to be arranged in the lovely hairdos that surrounded her, and she wore no jewels while the women of Rohan wore pretty necklaces and bracelets. The queen had lent her a necklace to wear for this occasion but it was too big for her and only looked silly around her neck so she had given it back.

Her father blended in better than she did. He was at the moment kneeling before the king by his throne, wearing a ceremonial outfit Éowyn had never seen before. He looked small compared to the king who was standing in front of him; the scene could almost look comedic if it wasn't such a solemn occasion. Éowyn felt full of pride at the sight, she would never have believed she would get to take part in such a happening. No other Hobbits were present, it was only she, her father and more humans than she could count.

Merry was on his knees swearing his loyalty to the king of Rohan once again, overlooked by as many people as had been able to fit inside the Golden Hall. Éomer King listened carefully to each word he said, accompanied by his wife and son on one side and his sister and nephew on the other. When Merry had sworn his oath Éomer dubbed him Lord of Rohan and told him to arise.

Éowyn could not keep herself from clapping her hands when her father rose, she was very excited by the whole event and felt privileged to have gotten to witness the occasion. The king looked a bit startled at first when he heard the clapping, but it only took seconds before the farmers and peasants in the hall began to clap as well, believing it was the custom, and soon everyone else joined in. Éomer resisted the urge to smile and handed a brand new sword to his brand new duke. Merry took it and bowed deeply.

Éowyn turned her head when a hand was placed on her shoulder. A nobleman smiled at her and bowed.

"Allow me to escort you to your father, Lady Éowyn" he said.

Éowyn took his outreached arm while trying to hide her surprise at the title he had just addressed her with. Lady Éowyn, that was not her name! She was just an ordinary Hobbit, the lady was the woman clad in white following her father to a back room.

The nobleman led her through a hall she had never been down before and into a room where a small group of noblemen had gathered along with the royal family. Éowyn bowed to her guide when he released her arm and then took a step towards her father. He turned to her with a smile on his face; it was the first real smile he had given her in a long time. She felt a lump in her throat and her eyes filling with tears.

"Why are there tears in your eyes, Lady Éowyn?" her father asked her.

"You are a Lord" she said and curtsied. "But I am no Lady! There is no Lady Éowyn save for the White Lady of Ithilien!"

"The daughter of a duke is titled lady" Éomer said. "I admit it will be a bit confusing for a while but we will get used to it. I hope you will both stay long enough for us to get accustomed to having two ladies go by the same name."

"We shall stay for at least another month" Merry said. "Until shortly before my daughter's birthday. Then we will be traveling to Ithilien together with the Lady Éowyn. The White Lady that is."

"We shall have to call you Young Lady Éowyn" Éomer's wife Lothiriel said to the Hobbit with a smile.

"I prefer just Éowyn" Éowyn said and bowed to the queen.

Merry shook his head but didn't say anything. Éowyn wondered if she had done something wrong, perhaps it was considered highly disrespectful to ask to be addressed common. But she didn't feel entitled to the same addressing as the White Lady. She had not earned the title as her father had done; she was just born as his daughter. She wondered what the HAMs would say if they knew she was addressed Lady Éowyn in Rohan.

**XX  
XX**

After a month the two Hobbits left Rohan together with the White Lady and her entourage. Both Merry and his daughter were sad to leave Rohan behind but Merry knew he would be returning some day. Éowyn was deeply saddened by the knowledge that she never would. This would be her only journey to the lands of the men, and it had been far too brief. She had loved being in Edoras, among all the friendly people, all the pretty horses and all the open spaces. She had never seen lands like this before; they had no such plains in the Shire.

She looked over at her father and felt a bit sad that he would not be called by his new title in the Shire. Duke sounded so impressive, far better than a simple Master. Perhaps using the title would gain him some more respect. He was a lord now, and that had to mean something even to Chet Delvering and his party. Merry didn't seem interested however; he felt the title belonged to who he was when he was in Rohan, the soldier and the esquire. He didn't mind that people called him Lord Little behind his back or that he would go years between using the title. To him it was mainly a ceremonial title anyways.

When they entered the realm of Gondor Éowyn suddenly remembered that Faramir was in the capital city. She wondered if they would stop by Minas Tirith and see him. Judging by what a sore spot their relationships with the Gamgee siblings still was with their parents Éowyn didn't count on her father letting the two of them meet again, but she would much like to see him. It had been a long time since they last met; a year ago they had seen each other several times a week. It was strange to think they were supposed to have gotten married. Éowyn wondered if that would still be their future.

She wondered what would become of the two of them now. She knew what her own heart was set on. As a child she had often said that she would never get married until she found someone like her father, now she knew she would never want to marry anyone else than someone who shared her father's name. If she could not marry Merry Gamgee she would rather not marry at all. Only time would tell whether he would gather the courage to ask her father.

She glanced over at him as they rode across the plains of Gondor. He had said to her that he would have been able to accept the Gamgee lad as the mate for her, the Master's daughter. But would he be able to accept Merry Gamgee as the husband of a duke's daughter, she wondered.

**XXX  
XXX  
XXX**

I would love a review to let me know what you think! Any suggestions? I have most of the series mapped up already, but if you have any suggestions for storylines then I would love to hear them. Thanks for reading, see you next time.


	35. 1463

**Author's Note**: It's been a while! Sorry. And it will be a while before I post the next chapter… I haven't got much time to write these days, unfortunately. But I hope you'll enjoy this instalment, it's one of my personal favourites so I hope others like it too…

**Disclaimer**: You know it all already…

**XXX  
XXX  
XXX**

"Welcome home, Master" the cheerful Hobbit at the gates said as he opened the gate for the three riders. "And welcome home to you too, young miss Éowyn and young master Faramir. My, it looks like young master Faramir has come of age a few months ahead!"

Faramir smiled at the gatekeeper as he rode into the Shire with his uncle and second cousin. It had been a long and lonely journey back to the Shire, Uncle Merry had not been in his most friendly mood and the tension between all three Hobbits had been unlike anything Faramir had experienced before. The words from the gatekeeper warmed his heart now even more than the familiar sight of the Shire did; it made him feel truly good about himself for the first time since he left Minas Tirith. If even the gatekeeper could see a change in him then surely his father must as well.

"Well we're back home" Merry said simply as they rode down the familiar paths. "How does it feel?"

"Strange" Éowyn said.

"Wonderful" Faramir claimed.

"It can often be both at the same time" Merry said. "Éowyn you ride back to Brandy Hall right away and see your mother. Tell her I shall be there shortly. I just have to escort Faramir to the Smials first."

"But Uncle Merry, I can find my own way home!" Faramir protested. He didn't like being treated as if he needed escort.

"I know you can" Merry said. "But I promised your father I would follow you all the way back and so I shall. Ride along now Éowyn, I will see you again at supper."

Éowyn galloped away towards Brandy Hall. Faramir bit his lower lip and felt nervous being alone with his uncle for the first time since the events two years before. He had no idea what his uncle thought of him nowadays, he knew he had let him down just like everybody else.

"Uncle Merry…" he said.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say… I never got the chance to tell you… I feel really bad about all that happened… You know… How we led you to believe--"

"Please, don't waste your breath" Merry said.

Faramir was stumped. He didn't know how to interpret that. Either it meant there was nothing he could say to be forgiven or it meant he already was forgiven. He could not tell which it was and was afraid to ask any further questions so he let the matter be as they rode across the Brandywine Bridge.

**XX  
XX**

It surprised Faramir to see how many Hobbits came to greet him once they reached the Smials. Once the first cry of: "Why it's young Master Faramir!" had been heard Hobbits came from every available exit to greet him, and check if he had grown as his father sometimes did after being away. Faramir graciously smiled and said hello back at them, but noticed that his parents were not among the greeters. Then again nobody knew they were coming back today and they might be busy or not even home.

"Back up everybody" Merry said, used to the inevitable commotion of return. "Give us some room. The ponies are startled, they haven't seen this many Hobbits in one place for months! Careful with that!"

Faramir dismounted his pony and looked up at his uncle. Part of him was glad the journey was over; there had been a lot of negative tension between the three Hobbits on the way home. But part of him was terrified of the moment when Merry would leave and he would have to seek out his parents. What if they were still angry with him? What if he would not manage to make them proud of him?

"Give your best to your father from me" Merry said. "I have to return home and speak with my wife and children. Good luck…" The last bit he added under his breath as he rode off.

Faramir declined all offers for someone else to take care of his pony for him. He didn't mind prolonging the inevitable meeting with his parents, plus he wanted them to know he was responsible now and took care of his own matters. The Hobbits who followed him to the stables did not seem to notice that he was quieter than usual and not as jolly. He had begun to learn how to hide his emotions.

When the pony was thoroughly taken care of he could not linger anymore. He had to face them sooner or later and he might as well get it over with. He took a deep breath and stepped inside, asking the first Hobbit he met where the Thain and Madam might be.

**XX  
XX**

He found them in the sitting room, Pippin reading a book with a pipe in his mouth and Diamond carding wool. They both looked up when he came into the room, and Diamond tossed aside her carding comb and threw her arms around him.

"My little baby!" she cried, making Faramir feel awkward. "My baby's home! Oh let me look at you!"

Faramir smiled slightly at her. He was still the same height and his hair had not gotten curlier, which pleased Diamond who didn't know anything about Ent brew and thought Pippin's odd growing spurts had something to do with Gondor. But Faramir was still the same Faramir that had left the Shire, not clad in a black and silver armour like his father owned but in a more casual Gondorian outfit. He had never been taken up among the citadel guards and did not count as a soldier. His ceremonial outfit was nice but a lot less grand than Pippin's. From his shoulders hung the old cape Pippin had given him.

Pippin watched the reunion between mother and son without saying a word. He already knew Faramir was back, he had heard the commotion earlier but chosen not to say anything to Diamond, preferring it to be a good surprise for her. Seeing her hug and kiss her son and how uncomfortable he was starting to look brought him back to his own return from his first journey, where his mother had treated him like he was six years old and coddled him with all her might.

So Faramir was back. Pippin wondered if they had gotten back the Faramir he left behind in Minas Tirith a year ago or if Faramir had begun the process of becoming everything Pippin hoped he could be. Pippin hoped that would be the case, their whole future was in Faramir's hands.

When Diamond was finally done saying hello to her son Faramir's attention was turned to Pippin. He took a step towards him and resisted the urge to bite his lip nervously. He could feel Pippin's eyes appraising him and he wondered what he would do if he was told he did not measure up. For a moment he felt like he was a little boy again, desperate for his father's approval and affection. He bowed to his father and tried to remember all the decorum he had been taught in Gondor.

Pippin rose from his chair, putting the book aside, and blew a smoke ring with his pipe. So far so good. The boy was nervous but he took that as a good sign. Some of his cockiness had been taken out of him and he was more humble now, which Pippin saw as a good quality.

"Faramir" he said.

"Thain."

"Welcome home. How was the journey?"

Diamond watched the two filled with sadness. She hated how formal they were with one another, she knew Pippin had missed Faramir as much as she had yet he could not even bring himself to give the boy a hug. How had they ever come to this?

**XX  
XX**

By the end of their afternoon tea Faramir felt he could not wait any longer. He had had something on his mind from the moment he arrived but had been reluctant to show himself too eager. But by now he had been home for hours and he didn't want to wait any longer.

"Mother…" he said. "I must speak with the Thain. In private."

With a sigh Diamond got up and began to clear the table.

"Faramir dear I don't know what they told you in Gondor, but in the Shire we don't address our parents by title. Your father can say what he wants in that matter, but it gives me chills hearing you call him that, so just refer to him as you always have if you will."

Faramir nodded and blushed as she left the sitting room with her tray. He took a deep breath and looked over at his father who had lit his pipe and was leaning back in his chair with closed eyes. Faramir grabbed his own pipe and lit it, soothed by the pipe weed.

"So, what is it you must speak to me about?" Pippin asked and opened his eyes.

"Something important" Faramir said.

"Then out with it."

"Before I left, after you found out about… everything. You told me that had I merely come to you from the start you would have accepted Goldilocks as my bride."

"Ah" Pippin said and blew a smoke ring. "That's the matter."

"You told me that after what went on you would no longer allow me to ask the Mayor--"

"You can call him Samwise."

"Ask Samwise for her hand. But you also said that if I returned a Hobbit you could be proud of you would no longer find any problems with me asking Samwise for his daughter's hand in marriage. And now I have returned, and I was wondering…"

"Wondering what? If I still mean it? Have you known me to lie?"

"Never" Faramir said. "I am hoping you will find me a son to be proud of, and that you will grant me permission to court the lass I have loved for four years."

Pippin took a long and thorough look at him. Faramir had a horrible feel he did not measure up but he did not dare to say anything to try and convince his father if that were the case. All he could do then was to give it time and do his best to prove that he was worthy. Pippin on his end was surprised that Faramir was still set on being with this lass. He would have thought that flame would die after more than a year with no contact between the two.

"Too soon to tell whether you've grown up or not, wouldn't you say?" Pippin finally said. "You are coming of age this fall and perhaps by then we will know whether or not you are a pride to the family." He blew another smoke ring. "I never lie, as you know. I told you that you could ask Sam for her hand once you returned, apparently, though I have to admit I can't remember it. Sam is doing business in Buckland today; I shall send word to him to come here for dinner."

"So… Is that a yes?"

"You fulfilled your part of the deal, I suppose" Pippin said. "If it's permission you want then go ahead."

He rose and left the room to find someone to ride to Buckland and give the message to Sam. Faramir watched him go and felt sad even though he had gotten the end result that he wanted. But he realised he had not been wanting for his father's permission, but his blessing. The latter had not been given.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir stormed up to Pippin's study and was about to enter when he realised he ought to knock. Impatiently he shifted his weight from one foot to the other while waiting for an answer. When it came he hurried inside and sat down in a chair without waiting for an invitation. What did it matter anyway?

Pippin gave him a look and went over and closed the door. He then looked at his son and wondered what had gotten into him. It was early morning and usually Faramir would be sleeping at this hour, but he might have gained some new habits in Minas Tirith. Pippin knew he had spoken to Sam last night and realised Faramir would be anxious to get to Hobbiton now in order to speak to Goldilocks about the matter. But this seemed a bit much.

"What can I do for you this morning?" Pippin asked him and sat down opposite Faramir.

"He turned me down" Faramir said. "Sam said no!"

Pippin didn't respond. He pondered this bit of information for a bit. So Sam had said no to the proposal. Pippin had not expected that. But it was Sam's choice whether or not he wanted to give his daughter away and Faramir would have to accept it.

"I know you're disappointed" he finally said. "But you must have pondered the possibility."

"No, why should I have?" Faramir said. "I did everything that was asked of me! I spent a whole year in Gondor, and now it was all for **nothing**!"

"Now you listen here," Pippin said, getting angry, "I did not send you to Gondor so that you could come back and marry the daughter of a lower class family in Hobbiton! I sent you there for you to learn how to become a Thain! That is your main focus in life, that is your duty and your obligation! Whoever you might fall in love with, she comes second! Understand?"

Faramir had a poisonous reply but kept it to himself. It was obvious that he wouldn't get any further with his father if he snapped at him. But a suspicion had begun forming in his mind. Pippin had not seemed enthusiastic about the proposal the other day and now he didn't seem disappointed that it was never going to happen. Faramir couldn't help but wonder if he had been lured off to Gondor under false pretences, and that his father had given him his consent the other day because he knew Sam would say no. Perhaps his father never had any intention at all of seeing Faramir married to Goldilocks.

"Perhaps it is time for you to let this go now" Pippin said. "You cannot always win at love. You haven't even seen her in over a year; chances are you only love the memory of her."

The words were uncomfortably familiar to Faramir. Finally he realised that he could do nothing more now but give up. He had tried everything and he had failed. There were no other things to try. Part of him knew he shouldn't take it so hard. During the three summers he was with Goldilocks he never for a minute believed they would be together for life, he had always known he would have to let go sooner or later. But then he had allowed himself to hope and that made it so much more difficult to let it go now.

With a sigh he got up and left the study without another word. He needed to be alone. Pippin watched him leave with a frown on his face.

**XX  
XX**

Sam took a deep breath and filled his lungs with air, sitting on a small bridge crossing a small river. He should have returned to Bag End the night before but he had decided to stay behind in Tuckburough and do business. He was done now however and was only going to take a few more moments before he rode back home.

Pippin walked up to him and sat down next to him by the edge of the bridge, holding on to one of the beams. He looked at his friend and decided not to take a moment to just sit there and relax but to get to the point right away.

"I spoke with Faramir this morning" he said. "He tells me you told him no."

"That I did" Sam nodded.

"Why did you do that?" Pippin asked. "Surely there must be a good reason why you broke my boy's heart? Did you not see them together that day when we found out, did you not see how they looked at one another? We know they're in love! And I know what they both did was wrong, but my son has paid for that mistake! He has been gone for a year, learning to be a good leader, and as much as I wanted him to do it for Tuckburough he did it for her. Why are you rejecting him now? Why is he not good enough for your daughter?"

"That is not what this is about" Sam said.

"What else could it be?" Pippin asked. "Frankly Sam I am offended! My boy might have made serious mistakes but your daughter made them too, and forgive me for being so blunt but she has not remedied that. Faramir has! I cannot for the life of me figure out why he is not good enough for her!"

"He is" Sam said. "And that's the reason I said no. **She** is not good enough for **him** and I cannot allow her to marry him."

"What?"

"Mister Pippin I love my daughter, but she is just a Gamgee. Daughter of a gardener, fit to work for the likes of your son but marry him? Absolutely not! It just ain't right!"

"She is your daughter, daughter to the Mayor and one of the biggest heroes in Middle-Earth! That is good enough for me."

"But a Gamgee wed with a Took? No happiness can come in such an odd match! There is a reason why you Tooks arrange marriages, to keep the bloodline clean! A Gamgee as Madam Took, that's unheard of! The future Thain being half Gamgee! You have to realise how ridiculous that sounds, Pippin! I am proud of my family but we belong in the gardens, not among the shriffs or in the great halls of the Smials!"

"Faramir said something to me which I think he is absolutely right about. You, Merry and I are all too focused on names and pride and honour! Who cares if she was born a Gamgee?"

"I do" Sam said. "My father would have been ashamed of me had I let my daughter marry into the Tooks, because it ain't fitting! And even if she can be accepted for my doings in the past, she is only half Gamgee. She is also half Cotton and that family is also too simple. Furthermore, heritage aside, look at what she did! You are absolutely right, she has not redeemed herself. It would shame your family to let her marry into it."

"My son deserves to be happy" Pippin said. "And Goldilocks will make him happy. I'm sorry Sam, but none of your reasons are good enough to me!"

"I have made my decision, I said no and I meant it."

"Change your mind."

"I won't."

"Why not?"

"For every reason I just stated! She's not good enough and she never will be!"

"You know what Sam?" Pippin said. "It is not up to you to make that decision! It is up to **me** to decide whether or not she is appropriate to marry my son and I told my son that she was! **You** determine whether or not my son is good enough for your daughter, but not the other way around! You are not making your decision, you are making **my** decision and you have no right to do so! Unless you can look my boy in the eye and tell him why **he** is not good enough for **her** then you have no reason to deny him!"

"Maybe you don't care about such things as decorum and heritage and what's **fitting** anymore, but I do!"

"Sometimes decorum, heritage and what's fitting needs to change" Pippin said. "Frankly I think a little Gamgee blood, or Cotton for that matter, might be just what this family needs."

"I'm sorry Pippin" Sam said. "There will not be a marriage. I wouldn't feel right about it, ever! Your son is too good to marry so far below his class."

"No" Pippin said and got up. "He's too good to wake up one day next to someone he doesn't love, wondering where his life went!"

**XX  
XX**

A week later Pippin found his son eyeing through an old book of maps, looking gloomy and disillusioned. It saddened Pippin to see Faramir like this, the lad needed to cheer up and get on with his life again. Things did not always go as one wanted them to, and when they didn't you just had to accept it and move on.

"Faramir!" he said and slammed the map book shut causing Faramir to jump back. "I have decided that it's time for you to start earning your keep around here."

"Pardon?" Faramir said, knowing very well that he earned his keep.

"You were trained in Gondor for a year and I will not let the knowledge you acquired go to waste. I am getting old Faramir; I could use a helping hand with Tuckburough. I think it would be good for you to get to try out your future job for a while. If you learn the ropes now it will be easier for you in the future. So I have decided that from this moment on you are officially my new assistant."

"Jolly good" Faramir muttered but knew better than to object.

"Come along, we have no time to waste. And do change your clothes, it's a formal meeting and a more proper attire is appropriate."

"May I ask what we are to be doing?" Faramir asked and rolled his eyes at the new tradition inflicted by his father's generation to wear formal clothes for formal meetings. He wished his father would just let him be alone with his thoughts.

"To Hobbiton, I have a business meeting with Sam this afternoon."

Faramir felt himself stagger a bit. Sam was the last person he felt like meeting with right now, he felt let down by the older Hobbit and seeing him would only serve as a reminder of the daughter Sam had not let Faramir marry. He opened his mouth to object but closed it again and reluctantly followed his father out to the stables. He knew his father would only get angry with him if he spoke what was on his mind, and he had learned during his year away the importance of setting your personal feelings aside when matters of your land had to be dealt with.

"I was going to wait until you turned 33" Pippin said as they began to ride towards Hobbiton. "But your birthday is only at the other end of summer and from the looks of it you need something to occupy your mind with."

"I suppose you're right" Faramir said. "Whenever I'm not busy I keep thinking of…"

He trailed off and Pippin glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"I know you are upset that things did not go as you wished" he said. "As your father I have more pearls of wisdom to hand out than you might think. For instance I know that you might lose something and feel like nothing as good will ever come again. Then suddenly you find that because of your loss you won something even better. So you might feel like you've lost everything right now but times will change and you will land on top in the end. You will have a family down the road, even if Goldilocks is no part of it."

"Pardon me Father, but I don't think you can know how I feel."

"I do" Pippin said. "Your mother was not my first choice for a wife."

"Oh I don't want to hear it" Faramir snarled.

He knew with certainty that his parents had been brought together by an arrangement rather than married out of love. He feared the same fate happening to him, he wanted more than what his father had, he wanted a loving marriage and a whole smial full of children. Though regardless of what he wanted for himself he loved both his parents and did not want to hear either of them say anything bad about the other. He did not want to hear from his father's lips how he had been forced to settle for Faramir's mother.

**XX  
XX**

When they reached Hobbiton it was later than Pippin had expected, the sun was beginning to set over the hills. Faramir halted his pony when they neared their destination and gave his father an angry glare.

"You said we were going to Hobbiton!"

"We are in Hobbiton Faramir, don't tell me you've been away that long" Pippin said and rode on, paying no heed to Faramir stopping.

"Yes but you never said anything about Bag End!"

"Sooner or later you will have to visit Bag End again" Pippin said and halted his pony by the old familiar Hobbit hole. "You might as well get used to it. Now be on your best behaviour."

Faramir made an angry face but composed himself when Merry and Robin came out to take care of their ponies. Pippin dismounted his pony and handed the reins to Merry without a word and Faramir was grateful that it was Robin taking care of his beast. Seeing Merry again only reminded Faramir of the disastrous events two years back.

He followed his father inside and was greeted by half a dozen Gamgees who were all getting ready for supper. Rosie had set an extra plate and sent Daisy to get another one when she saw that Faramir would be joining them as well. Faramir greeted Sam politely but not as cordially as he had always done in the past. When they sat down to eat Faramir noticed in Goldilocks in the corner of his eye, but he did not dare to look at her. He had not laid eyes on her for more than a year and a half, but he knew that when he did he would love her just as he had loved her before, and it would hurt too much to know that he would never be with her. He knew she must be confused as to his behaviour, before he left he had as good as promised her he would marry her and now he would not even look at her. But perhaps it was better if she thought that he had forgotten about his feelings and begun to regret the promise he made. He knew how hard it was to know the love was there but not be able to act upon it; he preferred it if she thought there was no love at all.

After they had eaten Pippin thanked the Gamgees for a splendid meal and then with a glance at the clock suggested that they should retreat to Sam's study to get down to business. Faramir followed the two older Hobbits without a word, hoping they would be done soon so he could go back home. He was worried that if things were delayed they might have to spend the night. He remembered the last night he spent here very vividly and did not wish for a reprise.

**XX  
XX**

Goldilocks was alone in the library when Faramir found her there. She looked up at him and couldn't help but smile when she saw him. He looked as handsome as she remembered him, perhaps even more so as he closed the door to give them some privacy, dressed in a formal outfit she knew he must have acquired in Gondor and looking at her with eyes that showed evidence of a year of learning and growing up. He had refused to as much as look at her during dinner and part of her wished he would turn away and leave now, because there was only one reason for his behaviour that she could think of. He had come to let her know that things were indeed over between them, whether by his father's refusal to stand by them or by his own feelings fading. Goldilocks hoped it would be the former, she had loved Faramir intensely during all the months he had been gone and she could not stand the thought of him not feeling the same way.

Faramir looked at her for a moment without saying a word. The light in the library was dim but it only seemed to enhance her features. He had longed to see her again for so long and now he was afraid of what he had to do. He took a trembling breath and walked up to her.

"Welcome home" she said, then laughed at herself for the silly opening.

"Goldilocks I must have a word with you" he said.

She looked down at her feet, unable to meet his eyes, and nodded. Yes, she knew. She only wished he would hurry up and get it all over with.

"You and I both knew from the first moment that it was impossible" he began. "We thought we could play a game together because the knowledge that it was never going to be real would keep us from feeling anything for one another. But we were wrong. We had three summers together, went behind everybody's backs, broke every code we could think of to break."

"Please, Faramir, just…"

"Let me finish" Faramir cut her off. "When we were found out my whole life fell apart. I lost my parents' faith in me, I was sent away to a far away place where I lived among humans in high castles and experienced things I had never dreamt of experiencing. I carried the thought of you with me all this time, hoping against hope that when I returned something would have changed and we would be able to be together. Though it was a fool's hope, I know that now. The warnings were ringing in my ear from the very first time I looked at you and thought I saw something more than just a friend from childhood. A Gamgee and a Took, no such match has ever been heard of. It ain't fitting, as your father eloquently puts it."

"I know" Goldilocks whispered and swallowed hard. She was grateful for the dim lights which hopefully would prevent him from seeing the tears that were beginning to roll down her cheeks. She wondered why he didn't just say the words flat out, why he had to torture her this way. He had to leave and it was better for the both of them if he just left without looking back.

"Yet I stand here today looking at you, knowing that I still love you." Faramir continued. "Goldilocks look at me."

When she didn't comply he placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head up so that their eyes met. He then grabbed both her hands in his.

"And I have realized that, as my father even told me, it was never us being together that was wrong, it was the way we handled our blossoming romance. I wronged you when I courted you in secret and I am deeply ashamed of that. Let us both agree that we will save the grandchildren that particular story."

"Faramir please!" Goldilocks said angrily. "This is no time to be making jokes!"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

She turned her eyes down again and Faramir kneeled down so that he ended up in the way of her gaze anyhow.

"Goldilocks… Before I left I told you that when I returned we could be together."

"Yes, but--"

"Just let me finish, please!" Faramir said. "That promise I made was for real. If you will have me then we can finally have what we wanted for all those years but never dared to talk about."

"What?" Goldilocks asked, causing Faramir to laugh.

"I am asking you to be my wife, Goldilocks. Stop looking at me like I am insane! I have worked long and hard for months, I have faced my father and yours and the only person left now is you. I would much like an answer from you, and if it's not the answer I hope for then I promise I will leave you alone. But if you still care for me and want to be married to me then accept my proposal and your name will be Goldilocks Took before winter is here."

"Are you mad?" was all Goldilocks could think of to say. Then she laughed. "Of course I would marry if you if only I could!"

"Then it is settled?" Faramir asked. "You will be my wife?"

"What about our fathers?"

"Never mind all of that. Right now this is between you and me. Will you marry me?"

"Yes of course I will!"

With a smile on his face Faramir rose and kissed her for the first time in over a year. Then he gently kissed away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"You scoundrel, you had me convinced you were here to end things with me" Goldilocks said and hugged him tight. "You sounded so… sad!"

"I wasn't sure you wanted me still. And a refusal at this point would have been way too much for my already bruised ego."

Goldilocks laughed again and kissed him. She could not believe how everything had turned around in only a matter of minutes. Before a year had passed she would be Faramir's wife.

**XX  
XX**

Pippin was busy folding up his Elf cape when Faramir came to the room where they slept when visiting Bag End. A glance at his son told Pippin that things had gone the way Faramir had wanted, but he still felt obliged to ask.

"Did she say yes?"

"Congratulations Father, you will have a daughter-in-law before the end of the year. From September 22nd actually, if Goldie and I get our way."

A slight smile appeared on Pippin's face.

"Congratulations then" he said.

Faramir looked at his father and in the midst of his joy he began to wonder about all the things he had no answers for. He had no idea what really went on in his father's mind, whether or not he was actually happy or what he would have to say if he would just tell Faramir flat out what he thought. Though he was glad that his father was here, glad to have someone from his family there to share this night with him. He had arrived at Bag End at broken spirits but now everything had changed. He had no idea why, but he knew better than to question it. He had been given the greatest gift he could ever have asked for, that was enough. Still his curious mind would not quite let the matter rest.

"I wonder what made Sam change his mind" he said and unfastened his own cape.

"Does it matter?" Pippin had to ask.

"No not really…"

Faramir continued to glance at his father from the corner of his eye as they got ready for bed. At least he didn't seem upset or annoyed with the outcome of the evening; in fact Faramir got the feeling that Pippin was rather content. Faramir thanked his lucky stars that his father had insisted on him coming along to Bag End this evening. If he hadn't, things might have worked out quite differently in the end.

"Did you know Sam would change his mind when you brought me here tonight?" he had to ask as he crawled between the sheets.

Pippin gave him an insulted look.

"Do you think I like having my son looking at me like he thinks I somehow kept him from this engagement even though I gave him my consent?" he asked. "And do you think that I would want to have you look at me with even more judgment when you found out that Sam has had a change of heart? Yes I knew when I brought you here. And I will thank you to stop looking at me with those judging eyes. You are not a child anymore, you are fully grown. If you want something it is not my job to stand in the way of that."

With those words Pippin snuffed out the lights and closed his eyes to go to sleep. But Faramir could not sleep so easily. Now he had the consent of his father and of Sam, he had a promise from Goldilocks that they would marry, but there was still one thing missing. He wanted back the bond he had once shared with his father. But in the end he knew that he could never have everything he wanted and decided not to think about what he would have chosen if he had to decide between a bond with Goldilocks and the bond he had counted upon with his father.

**XX  
XX**

"This will interest you" Merry said and gave Lucky a playful smack with a letter he held in his hands. "Put down that plant and come listen."

Lucky obediently put aside the roots he had brought home to dry and followed his father to the sitting room were larger parts of the family were gathered. He sat down on a stool next to Cordy and wondered what the letter was about. Normally his father wouldn't tell them anything about what his letters said so whatever this was it must be special. Lucky wondered if they wanted to give his father yet another title but it sounded a bit extreme.

Merry motioned for Estella to get up from her armchair and then sat down in it while she placed herself in his lap. He reached for his pipe and lit it, taking a puff before he went on to tell them what the letter said. All except for Aramac and Éowyn were there, and he didn't feel like finding out where they were, he wanted to give the news right away. The two missing ones would hear about it by the end of the day anyways.

"I just received a letter from King Elessar" he told them and held up the letter for them to see. "Aside from sending well-wishes all around he has some interesting news that I thought you would all like to hear."

"If he is calling you to service then I shall personally write back to him and tell him you wish to be relieved of service" Estella said.

"Estella please, you know I have never sworn such allegiance to Gondor."

"You can bicker about that later, what does the letter say?" Lúthien asked impatiently.

"He writes to tell me that he is sending an Elf to visit us" Merry said.

"An Elf!" Lucky said and his face lit up. "Is it Legolas?"

"No it is not Legolas; in fact I cannot even remember this one. But apparently I met him before, a long time ago when he did a painting of me for the Gondorian halls."

"A painting?" Théo said.

"Yes, to think that there's a painting of me hanging in the citadel somewhere. Strider is mighty sentimental even though you would never have him admit it; he had paintings made of all of us at one point or another."

"Get on with it, stop blabbering about Gondor and your kings" Estella said with a jesting tone and playfully pinched Merry on the arm.

"Now that Pippin's son and Sam's daughter are marrying Aragorn apparently came to the conclusion that it would be nice to have some new paintings to fill the walls with. And since the Hall has room for a tall figure the Elvish painter will be living here while he is doing his work. Aragorn wants paintings of Sam, Pippin and myself but also paintings of us with our families. Aside from Sam's for some reason, he only wants a painting of Sam and Rose, probably because there are no canvases that are big enough for the whole Gamgee family. He will arrive in two weeks and leave in August."

"That gives him only two months to make all those paintings" Théo said sounding sceptical.

"He is an Elf, of course he can manage in two months" Lucky scoffed.

"They have a remarkable way of remembering things, he can do most of it from memory" Merry said. "I know when he painted us the last time around I stood for him quite often but Pippin lost his patience after two times. The painting still looks very much like him. I don't think there shall be any problems, Théo."

"This is so exciting!" Lucky said. "I can't wait to meet this Elf! Is he from Rivendell? Or Mirkwood?"

"Inquisitive young Hobbit!" Merry sighed. "I can't remember where he came from originally, now he lives with Legolas near Ithilien."

"Perhaps he was one of those I met when Legolas brought me to Rivendell" Lucky said.

"I should hardly think so; those were all Rivendell Elves save for Legolas himself. Anyhow, now you know that we will have an Elf visitor and that you are all required to pose."

"Still, this is so exciting!"

"What is exciting?" Éowyn asked as she entered and sat down on a pillow.

"An Elf is coming to visit us!" Lucky happily declared.

"Not a friendly visit though" Merry pointed out. "He is here to do a job."

"Yes, something about a painting, but don't you think it's exciting that we will have an Elf living with us again?"

Éowyn smiled at her brother but didn't comment. Pretending to be excited was not something she was up for. She couldn't help it but ever since she had heard of Faramir and Goldilocks' engagement she had been feeling very jealous. It didn't seem fair to her that they could be married and she could not even court Merry Gamgee. Though she knew that for anything to happen he would have to make the first move, and knowing Merry he wouldn't. He would keep away, afraid of making things worse if he didn't. Éowyn could only hope that someday they could be together just like Faramir and Goldilocks got to be.

**XX  
XX**

Faramir took a deep breath and admired his reflection in the mirror. At last the day was here, September 22nd, his and Goldilocks' wedding day. Faramir had just turned 33, he was now legally of age, grown up on the inside and about to become a husband. He had barely been able to sleep the night before and now he was glad that the room he was in had no window for it almost scared him to think what the meadow outside would be looking like. He had no idea how many guests would be there but he was guessing it would be a great deal. He didn't even know what arrangements had been made in ways of decorations and a wedding arch; he had stayed indoors all day long. Part of him could not believe that he would walk out into the meadow as just Faramir and walk back inside the Smials later as somebody's husband.

There was a knock on the door and Pippin entered. With a smile on his face he looked at his son who was the spitting image of himself at a younger age. Faramir was dressed in his finest clothes and had made an effort to get the unruly curls in order.

"How do you feel?" Pippin asked and walked over to adjust Faramir's collar.

"I'm not nervous if that's what you mean" Faramir said, almost snapping at his father. He didn't like any hints that perhaps he wasn't sure about this after all.

But if Pippin had caught the tone in Faramir's voice he didn't let it show. He continued to smile and gently brushed some strains of hair off Faramir's shoulder. Pippin was happy today, even though he knew his wife was far from as pleased. Diamond had been furious with him when she found out he had allowed Faramir to marry a Gamgee, as much as she wanted happiness for her son she also believed in marrying into your own class and this was certainly not such a marriage. But Pippin ignored her anger; as long as she didn't let anything on in front of Faramir then she could feel however she wanted about it. The decision had not been hers to make and Pippin was pleased with the decision he had made.

"I would say you look handsome, but since you look just like I did at that age it would be blowing my own horn" he joked and grinned at his son. "The wedding is about to start, you have another five minutes before you have to go."

Faramir nodded and cast another look in the mirror. It was odd to look at his father and know that he would look the same way in a few decades. He had always been so proud of resembling his father so much, and even though their relationship was conflicted he still felt a lot of pride over that. He knew now better than ever in how high regards Pippin was held in Gondor and being his son had made quite the impression on the people of Minas Tirith. It was odd that in the Shire it simply meant being the son of the Thain. The people of Minas Tirith knew and remembered things that the Hobbits had no knowledge of at all.

"There is one matter before you go out there and get married" Pippin said. "Something I want to give to you. Actually something I want to **lend **to you, it is quite valuable and I shall require to have to back when the day is over. But I wanted you to wear it at your wedding."

Faramir smiled at his father and reached up his hand to the clasp of his cape, expecting his father to lend him the Elf cape. But the cape remained hanging from Pippin's shoulders; he made no effort to remove it. Instead he held up something Faramir had not even noticed that he had been holding in his left hand.

"This belt was a gift from Galadriel, queen of Lothlórien" Pippin said and fastened it around Faramir's waist. "It was a grand gift by all accounts and I wanted my son to wear it when he gets married. I wore it when I did. It is the most valuable thing I own as far as I'm aware, materially speaking."

"It's very grand!" Faramir said, astounded by the belt he was sure he had never seen before. "Thank you! I shall take good care of it, even if it's only for a day."

"I know you will" Pippin said and resisted the urge to tousle Faramir's curls. "I must be going now. You have three minutes."

Faramir watched him leave and felt something close to a lump form in his throat. But he shrugged the feeling and took one last look in the mirror before it was time. Then he took a deep breath and walked out towards the door that would lead him out of the Smials and down the path leading to the wedding arch. By the door he saw Théodoc and Aramac waiting for him, they would accompany him as customs required. Faramir had originally wanted Cordy to be one of the two, but the short meeting he had had with his old friend a month back had made it clear to him that although Cordy was happy for him he was not interested in reviving their old friendship. Faramir had also thought about asking Merry Gamgee, since it for some reason felt fitting given that he had been the lad to know about Faramir and Goldilocks the longest, but reason told him it would not be fitting and that he would probably say no anyhow. Somehow Sam, Pippin and Merry had managed to keep the lid on what had happened between the four youngsters and in the back of his mind Faramir knew that people would begin to ask questions if Merry Gamgee was in his wedding party.

He smiled at Théo and Aramac, pleased that he had at least those two with him now, and hoped that they wouldn't be able to tell how nervous he was. Théo grinned at him and gave his cheek a pinch while Aramac patted him on the shoulder and told him good luck. With a deep breath Faramir stepped outside on a cue from one of the shriffs. He had never imagined that his wedding would be considered such a formal occasion but he could see all the shriffs in uniform and all being there in the line of duty and not as guests.

As he walked down the corridor formed by the wedding guests he tried to spot Goldilocks ahead, but she was not near enough yet. After a few paces more, which felt like they took an eternity, he could see her approaching the arch from the opposite direction, she too walking through a corridor of Hobbits. He could see her sisters Primrose and Daisy behind her, then he forgot all about every other Hobbit on the meadow except for Goldilocks. They met up by the arch and he was stricken by how lovely she looked. He knew that the dress she was wearing was the one all brides of future Thains had worn, provided they could fit into it, but it was not the dress or even her face which caught his eye. Instead of a veil she wore a garland of flowers, just like the one she had worn out on the meadow on Midsummer's Eve four years ago. It felt like a secret message just for him and it warmed his heart more than any other sight so far this day.

The next thing he knew he was standing under the arch holding Goldilocks' hands in his own, waiting for the actual ceremony to start. Behind him Théo had taken Daisy under his arm and behind Goldilocks Primrose stood with her arm under Aramac's. Faramir took his eyes off his bride for a second to look at the conductor of the ceremony and was shocked to see that it was his own father. Then he marvelled at his own obliviousness, of course his father would be conducting the wedding, part of his benefits as Thain was that it gave him the right to marry people. And for a wedding such as this they would need the finest conductor they could find. Merry and Sam also had the authority, as Master and Mayor, but Tuckburough was not their turf. Pippin had a very ceremonial look on his face and the Elf cape and his Gondorian armour made him look very sovereign. In a flash Faramir felt nervous again. This was no little ceremony; it was the biggest wedding Tuckburough had seen since his own parents were married more than thirty years ago. Suddenly everything had become so frighteningly real.

**XX  
XX**

Later that afternoon Faramir's friends grabbed a hold of him and led him away from Goldilocks' side where he had been ever since the ceremony. He was the first one to be married out of his social crowd and all his friends except for the Brandybucks thought his marriage had been arranged to bring the Took family closer to the Gamgee. Most of his friends came with reassurance that he would grow to love Goldilocks and Faramir smiled at them but didn't comment. The Brandybuck brothers didn't say anything to spoil the secret, and Faramir was glad that at least they knew the real truth.

He spotted his father in the crowd, standing next to Faramir's new father-in-law, and to Faramir's surprise Sam looked quite serious while Pippin had a huge grin from ear to ear. There was no mistaken that Pippin was in a glorious mood this particular afternoon and it made Faramir happy to see. He already knew his mother was less than pleased with the arrangement; it was nice that at least one of his parents was happy today. He wished he knew what Pippin and Sam were saying to one another.

**XX  
XX**

"Well Sam old laddie," Pippin said and put his arm around Sam's shoulders, "finally we are family you and I, even in the family trees."

A slight smile appeared on Sam's face and Pippin couldn't help but pinch him in the ear.

"Lighten up, this is a happy day."

"I'm still concerned over whether or not it's the right thing" Sam admitted.

"Too late for that now" Pippin said. "Our children are happy, you should be too."

"You sure appear to be."

"Of course I am. I don't think I've been this happy since the day he was born. I have never seen **him** this happy and that's all that matters to me. Goldilocks is a Took now my dear Sam, and I am pleased that the daughter I've always wanted is one of yours."

**XX  
XX**

Faramir kept his eyes on the two fathers and saw a smile beginning to appear on Sam's face as well. Yet there was something about him that made Faramir wonder if he had really wanted this marriage to happen. But he had given his consent and now there was no turning back.

Before he could begin to think too much he was brought back to reality by his uncle Merry who came over to give him a hug and congratulations. With an order to his sons to keep tabs on Faramir during the evening and make sure nobody tried to give him too much to drink he wandered off to find his daughter who was probably upset over being at this wedding when she would never get to marry the person she had loved for as long as Faramir had loved Goldilocks. But Faramir didn't want to think about Éowyn today, he had thought about her a lot during the past few weeks and now he was done with that. He knew that today did not just serve as a reminder to her of the relationship she would probably never get to continue, it was also the end of the future she had thought she would have ever since she was a little girl. With Faramir married to Goldilocks the match her father had always intended for her would never happen. It was probably a lot to deal with but in the end it was not Faramir's problem and he would not let it affect him today.

"Alright, off you go the lot of you!" Pippin said to the crowd around the groom and placed a hand on Faramir's shoulder. "Théodoc and Aramac where are your ladies for the evening, dinner is about to start and you should be accompanying them. The rest of you hurry off and find your places or you will have to eat on the ground."

The crowd around Faramir scattered as Théo and Aramac went to find Daisy and Primrose, and the rest went to secure their places at the tables. Faramir smiled at his grinning father and was glad he had come up to talk.

"I noticed there has been a frown on your face on and off all afternoon" Pippin said and gave Faramir a poke on the forehead. "Is there something the matter? If something's not to your liking then let me know and I will take care of it."

"Everything is wonderful, why would you think something is wrong?"

"Because I wasn't expecting you to frown, today out of all days."

"It's not that I'm not happy" Faramir admitted, finally voicing the worries he had been carrying all day. "It's just… frightening, that's all. I know it sounds crazy and you will be angry because I didn't think of this sooner, but it's dawned on me that from now on Goldilocks and I are bound together for all our lives. We have been apart for nearly two years, and to be fair we have not spent all too much time together, what if things are not the way we remember them to be? And what if we can't get along in the end, or handle an everyday life together? You've always warned me that this kind of love might burn out, and I guess I'm just a bit frightened by it…"

"You think that would make me angry?" Pippin asked and shook his head. "No, it just shows that you don't think very far ahead, you get that from me. I think it's only natural to have those doubts; you have made a huge commitment today. But Faramir as you said the two of you were parted for many months, and before that you were apart every winter. Yet your feelings for each other never faded. I see the two of you together and the way you look at one another, and there isn't a doubt in my mind that you will be able to handle whatever comes your way. Yes you will be angry with one another at times, yes sometimes you won't feel the love as strong as you do now, but that is what you get with any marriage. I know in my heart that the two of you will be happy together, if I wasn't sure of that there is no way I would have allowed you to marry her."

Faramir was caught of guard by the encouraging speech by his father and gave him a spontaneous hug.

"Thank you…" he said. Then something occurred to him. "It was you, wasn't it?"

"Was me what?"

"You who changed Sam's mind?" When Pippin didn't answer Faramir broke the hug and looked him in the eyes, seeking the truth there. "When I came to you asking for your permission I was really looking for something more than that. I didn't want just your permission, you have been the greatest influence in my life and what I wanted was your blessing. I thought that was something I would have to live without, but now I think I must have had it all along."

"Of course you had my blessing, Faramir" Pippin said. "I never objected to your choice of love interest, I was hurt and angry that you had gone behind our backs. But all of that is behind us now. I just spoke with Goldilocks about ten minutes ago, welcoming her to the family. And I meant it."

"I love you" Faramir said and hugged Pippin again. "I really do. Even though I cannot understand why you made me think you agreed to this only because you had said you would before."

"The things you treasure the most are usually the things you fought for the hardest. I wanted you to fight for her, fight in a right and good way. And you did."

**XX  
XX**

In November, two months after the wedding, a heavy snow began to fall. It soon turned into a snow storm, trapping everyone at the Great Smials inside for two days while the snow fell and the wind blew hard outside. Luckily there were tunnels leading to the stables so that the animals could be tended to even in this type of weather, and the Hobbits had little to complain about.

Goldilocks had settled in nicely at the Smials, happy to be surrounded by so many Hobbits. She was used to having her whole family around her and it always seemed so quiet when she was alone with Faramir and his parents, she was happy to have lots of Hobbits in nearby halls. She had little to complain about, she had gotten more than she had ever asked for and Faramir and she had found it easy to adjust to having the other one around all around the clock after being apart for such a long time. Her new father-in-law had welcomed her with open arms and embraced her as the daughter he never had, holding her second only to Éowyn who had always been his daughter at heart. Her new mother-in-law however was a different story; Diamond was displeased with the match and couldn't bring herself to be more than polite to Goldilocks. The whole thing confused Faramir a great deal, he remembered vividly how his mother had been the one to comfort him and support him when his romance with Goldilocks had been revealed, while his father had been the one voicing the largest objections. But as it turned out Diamond felt very strongly about marrying into your own class, and while she had sympathized with him in the past it was a whole other thing to accept a Gamgee for a daughter-in-law. But Pippin kept her under tabs and made sure she didn't say or do anything inappropriate, yet Faramir knew that Goldilocks could sense a certain coldness coming from the Madam of the Smials.

Once the snow storm had passed Pippin looked out the window and realized that the snow from the open meadows had been blown up against the Smials and now it covered the ground level entrance. They would have to dig a tunnel to get out and he told Faramir to gather a group of sturdy young Hobbits to help them out.

Ignoring Diamonds objections that he was too old to be digging through the snow and that he might get sick, Pippin put Faramir and seven other young Hobbits into hard work while helping them to dig while trying to organize it all. Diamond kept an eye out the upstairs window to see when they would have dug their way out but it took some time.

Faramir became the first to reach the top of the snow mound and with a grunt he pulled himself up and sank down on the snow. Pippin got up shortly after him and gave him a nudge with his foot, telling him to get up on his feet. There was still much digging to be done.

"I'm exhausted!" Faramir complained.

"And I am forty years your senior yet you don't hear me crying about fatigue."

"You didn't do as much of the work" Faramir pointed out.

The next thing he knew a snowball landed right in his face. Sputtering like a cat he sat up and wiped the snow off his face. He could see his father leaned over laughing and the other Hobbits looking at them with shocked eyes. Furious Faramir grabbed a hand full of snow and threw it at Pippin, who managed to duck just in time and sent a second snowball at Faramir. This one hit him on the shoulder and Faramir threw two more snowballs at his father. It was no use however, Pippin had become a master at dodging over the years and he sent another snowball at Faramir, hitting him in the face a second time.

"What on earth are they doing?" Diamond exclaimed, watching through the window.

Goldilocks came up to her and looked out just in time to see Faramir tackle Pippin into a pile of snow.

"Goodness!" she cried.

Through the window they could see the two Hobbits wrestle around, one laughing and the other looking quite mad. After only a few minutes the older Hobbit had the younger pinned and Diamond and Goldilocks shared a look, thinking their husbands must have gone mad.

"Now do you give or will I have to wash your face with snow?" Pippin asked with a laugh.

Faramir opened his mouth to give an angry reply but then he realized how comic it all was and begun to laugh instead. Pippin rose and stretched out his hand to Faramir who took it and was pulled back up on his feet.

"It's been a long time since I've played in the snow" Pippin said with a laugh and shook his head to get the snow out of the curls.

"I cannot understand how you can be stronger than me" Faramir panted and shook his head the same way his father had done.

"Listen," Pippin said, "I have been thinking about something. Things are going well for you and Goldilocks, but living with your parents is hardly the ideal situation for a couple of newlyweds. Especially with that cranky mother of yours… When spring comes you are free to move out to Crickhollow and live on your own for a while, I think that might be good for you."

"That sounds lovely" Faramir said. "Some time to ourselves would be wonderful. For how long would you let us borrow it?"

"No, I'm giving it to you" Pippin said. "It is yours to inherit in the future anyhow and I have no use for it anymore. Half of it belongs to Merry of course but you won't have to risk him moving in there to bother you."

"I don't know what to say" Faramir said. "Other than thank you."

"No need to say anything" Pippin said. "Just get back to work."

Then he reached out to put his arm around Faramir's shoulders, but instead lifted up his collar and dropped a snowball underneath his shirt. Then he gave his son a quick pat which really boxed the snowball in and darted off with an angry Faramir at his heels.

**XX  
XX**

"Why if it isn't the Tooks!" Merry said and motioned for Faramir and Goldilocks to come inside. "To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit, on the last of December?"

He smiled at the young couple who looked like the image of youth and health with their cheeks red from the cold outside. If he wasn't mistaken Goldilocks had a blush on her cheeks, still not quite able to believe that she was a Took now. She held her arm under Faramir's and almost seemed shy to be in Merry's private halls even though she had been there numerous times as Sam's daughter.

"We were out sleigh riding and decided to stop by" Faramir said.

"Indeed" Merry said and glanced at the clock. "Decided to stop by and see if we had some hot cider for you, perhaps?"

Now he was sure Goldilocks was blushing, but he a laughed and offered to take her coat. Faramir didn't seem the least bit troubled that their intentions had been so obvious, he took his own coat off and asked if Cordy was anywhere around.

"Somewhere in the library, I think" Merry said. "You go look, and I will take Goldilocks with me to the sitting room."

Faramir nodded and went off to the library where he indeed found Cordy reading a book in an armchair. He closed the door behind him and sat down opposite his former best friend. Cordy looked up and put his book aside.

"Hullo Faramir. How is married life treating you?"

"It could not be better" Faramir asked. "Goldilocks and I will be moving to Crickhollow when the snow melts away, and I have actually come to speak with you on that matter."

"With me?" Cordy said with a raised eyebrow.

"Well it's just that it would be mighty big for Goldie and me alone, what with her being used to having all those Gamgees around and all, and since you've lived there before I was wondering if you would care to join us out there."

"Join you?" Cordy said with a sceptical look on his face.

"Don't you recognize a peace offering when you hear one?" Faramir asked and grinned. "Come now Cordy, I know you've been angry with me but all that should be in the past by now. No more secrets from now on, I promise!"

Cordy was quiet for some time, mulling it all over. He had pretty much forgiven Faramir a long time ago; he was just stubborn and reluctant to admit that it was not quite as bad as he had reacted like it was. Finally he looked at his friend and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well it is my father's decision whether or not I can live in his house, really."

"Does that mean you will come if uncle Merry agrees?"

Cordy grinned.

"Can I trust Goldilocks to do the cooking and the cleaning?"

Faramir groaned.

"In **our** halls, you can clean your own."

Then he grabbed Cordy by the hand and pulled him out of the armchair. This year that had begun in such a bad way would at least end at the best note possible.

**XXX  
XXX  
XXX**

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